PDA

View Full Version : Animals dangerous to tourists and the unprepared



bertcom1
31-08-2005, 13:39
hello,

What species of animals are there that pose danger to the unprepared and tourists?

Australian Drop Bears pose a serious danger in Australia.


Theres actually a few varieties.

Sometimes confused with the not-so-harmless koala, this variety of lesser drop bear simply digests copious amounts of eucalyptus leaves, dies from toxin overdose, and falls out of the tree - usually timing it so they land on top of unsuspecting tourists.

Another less common variety actively hunts tourists. It can smell the difference between an Aussie and a tourist from kilometres away (it's got something to do with the beer we drink). Upon reaching a vantage point above the target tourist, it will wait until the tourist has stopped taking photos of it, before launching itself bodily at said tourist - claws outstretched, aiming for the head.

The rarest dropbear originates in South Australia. They have black fur, are in fact 9ft tall, have blazing red eyes and their 7in talons are slick with the most lethal neuro-toxin known to man. No-one has survived an attack from one of these drop bears, and high powered Japanese sports cars will not outrun them. If one spots you, you're already dead.


Here in Scotland, there are several species that can be a nuisance or outright dangerous.

Lesser Biting Haggis. This is a dog sized furry predatory animal often hunting in packs, which can overwhelm lone travellers, and is also a danger to livestock. They are most numerous and most dangerous in the Highlands, which is why people living there wear kilts. As everyone knows, the way to scare off the lesser biting haggis is to expose yourself to it. As exposing themselves to each other is how haggis sort out pack order, when the prepared kilt wearing traveller does this, it establishes that they are a larger and more dominant individual than the haggis, who retreat in submission.

Greater Biting Haggis. This is a ferocious predator, larger than a bear, with thick dense fur tougher than Kevlar, making it almost invulnerable. Unlike the lesser biting haggis, exposing yourself to it will not scare it away, instead it may become aroused, in which case you are really in trouble. The Greater Biting Haggis can be kept from settlements by playing bagpipe music, which imitates the sound of the now extict Megalohaggis, a fearsome sabretoothed beast which stood around 20ft tall. The Greater Biting Haggis is hunted for its fur (used to make traditional clothing), and meat (served as a Scottish delicacy). Because of its tough fur, the haggis must be despatched using a traditional hunting weapon known as the caber. This is a very long and heavy weapon made from the trunk of a tree. The caber is deployed using a particular method known as tossing the caber. Only the strongest and bravest go on these hunting expeditions, as to successfully toss the caber, you have to approach to well within the Greater Haggis striking reach.

Adept
31-08-2005, 13:48
*Immediately drags thread off-topic*

Well, in all seriousness in Australia we have:

The ten most venomous snakes in the world.
Redback and Funnelweb spiders
Blue ringed octopi
Box jellyfish
Irukandji jellyfish
Half a dozen different types of shark, including Great Whites
Stonefish
Scorpions

Gavmo
31-08-2005, 13:52
What about the Kangawallafox?
The unholy union of a kangaroo, a wallaby and a fox. Not really too dangerous as they have other things on their minds, but unique none the less. Generally found in the Armidale region of New South Wales.

And what about bunyips? Think the old river trolls crossed with a stone troll from Warhammer. They are generally very unpleasent customers...

P.S. Hey Adept, you forgot the White Tail spider. Those little bastards will make your skin rot off. (Seriously!)

Jaq Draco
31-08-2005, 13:53
*Immediately drags thread off-topic*

Well, in all seriousness in Australia we have:

The ten most venomous snakes in the world.
Redback and Funnelweb spiders
Blue ringed octopi
Box jellyfish
Irukandji jellyfish
Half a dozen different types of shark, including Great Whites
Stonefish
Scorpions
i've said it before and i'll say it again, god i love my countyr

Adept
31-08-2005, 13:59
P.S. Hey Adept, you forgot the White Tail spider. Those little bastards will make your skin rot off. (Seriously!)

No, white tail bites are largely harmless. The necrotic effects of their bites are an urban myth. However, I believe they do inject a form of venom which kills off the white blood cells, making secondary infections much, much more likely, which is where the myth comes from.

hairyman
31-08-2005, 14:10
Has RM become the Aussie fauna forum??

Here in Yorkshire the most dangerous animal you will find is a slightly grumpy badger or two, although my wife was once set upon by a pack of squirrels.....

Inquisitor Maul
31-08-2005, 14:13
I say we take off and nuke the etire site from orbit

It's the only way to be sure...

EVIL INC
31-08-2005, 14:29
You must not forget the single most dangerous creature known to man that is also found in each and every place then man is....
Woman. (runs away to hide :evilgrin: )
JK ;)

Kjell
31-08-2005, 14:39
Not to be a killjoy or anything, but drop bear "jokes" are getting very dull now. :p Sure, it was somewhat amusing to hear of how some Australians tried to trick non-Australians into believing that drop bears really does exist. And hoop snakes.

And as for that continent having an excessive amount of poisonous animals... Well, we gotta dump them somewhere. ;)

Gavmo
31-08-2005, 14:43
Well how about crocs? They're real. And very angry.

Kjell
31-08-2005, 14:48
Oh, I don't care if you scare tourists with horror tales of actual animal species. That's your thing, sort of. Here we scare tourists with the weather, the social democrats and folk music.

Adept
31-08-2005, 14:59
Well how about crocs? They're real. And very angry.

Ah of course, I knew I forgot something. Crocs are indeed very real and very angry.

Commissar Vaughn
31-08-2005, 15:01
its tempting to include the "Black Beasts of Pudding" that live in lancashire and can only be frightened off by the photograph of a yorkshireman...but that would be silly.

Freak Ona Leash
31-08-2005, 15:37
Tourists beware of this animal. Rednecks: Most dangerous semi-intelligent animal in the world. Show extreme anger towards gays, those of african ancestry, Muslim/Arabs and/or "liberal hippies." Many have a large, metal appendage that can emulate a loud banging sound and send a spread of deadly projectiles otwards you. Has two large holes at the end where the projectiles are emitted from. It is suggested you stay away from it. Other favored weapon are stringy, tough substances which they tie around unfortunate's necks and use to choke them to death, presumably leaving them on a tree for later consumption They are easliy confused, especially by large words and/or concepts of religons other than hardcore, creationist Protestant being correct. But, when befuddeled they become extraordinarily hostile, often resorting to violence. They have a great love for alcohol but seem to be unable to hold it, often degenerating into horrid displays of sexual/violent intent. Hunt in groups. Are assumed to be cannibalistic. Most encountered in "Bible Belt" area of southern united states. See also yobbo and hick.

berzerka
31-08-2005, 15:59
Tourists beware of this animal. Rednecks: Most dangerous semi-intelligent animal in the world. Show extreme anger towards gays, those of african ancestry, Muslim/Arabs and/or "liberal hippies." Many have a large, metal appendage that can emulate a loud banging sound and send a spread of deadly projectiles otwards you. Has two large holes at the end where the projectiles are emitted from. It is suggested you stay away from it. Other favored weapon are stringy, tough substances which they tie around unfortunate's necks and use to choke them to death, presumably leaving them on a tree for later consumption They are easliy confused, especially by large words and/or concepts of religons other than hardcore, creationist Protestant being correct. But, when befuddeled they become extraordinarily hostile, often resorting to violence. They have a great love for alcohol but seem to be unable to hold it, often degenerating into horrid displays of sexual/violent intent. Hunt in groups. Are assumed to be cannibalistic. Most encountered in "Bible Belt" area of southern united states. See also yobbo and hick.

Mama? can I have one as a pet? :p

Freak Ona Leash
31-08-2005, 16:50
Only if you promise to feed it every day. And walk it. And dont let it eat any liberals or its staright to the pound.

Gavmo
02-09-2005, 01:44
Woah! How could I have forgotten?

Testicle eating echidna's. They roam the outback looking for nuts to eat. Thats why when you're camping in Australia, you're always advised to be in a sleeping bag. The last thing you want is to wake up to one of these little mongrels having some chow. :eek:

New Cult King
02-09-2005, 02:04
Why is it that tourists who come to Australia ignore big signs that say:

"NO SWIMMING! CROCODILES! WE MEAN IT! HONEST, WE'RE NOT JOKING!"

or

"SERIOUSLY: DON'T SWIM HERE! THERE'S SHARKS IN THE WATER THAT MAKE JAWS LOOK LIKE A TADPOLE!"

Every other week there's a news article about some tool from overseas going night swimming in a croc-infested creek, about 3 feet away from such a sign...

Scorpions can be a bugger, as they like to hide under rocks and piles of wood. Since both rocks and wood are used in the construction of campfires, people will go rustling about trying to grab suitable pieces, and WHAP! Scorpion strikes!

Here's something it should be mandatory for all tourists, in any country, to learn: Don't go sticking your fingers or arms into holes in the ground/trees/piles of rubble. Oh, and when there is a shark about, you won't hear the dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun music playing... you will just feel something bite your leg off, then you'll be dead.

Fusion
02-09-2005, 10:58
Would you believe I lived in a town called Bunyip for 18 years? Ask Marneus, he continually pays me out about it. If he's still around that is...which I think not. I'm sure Adept can vouch for the existence of Bunyip, though.

I never saw one, but I saw the after-effects of one...

Frodo34x
02-09-2005, 16:24
The most dangerous animals to tourists are the ones who rip you off, adn charge you extra...

That said, one of my mates got 5% off a Metallica hoodie in Germany because it was his first time in the country.

Jaq Draco
02-09-2005, 22:29
still we have to ask the question

why do we have so many dangerous animals

Strictly Commercial
03-09-2005, 07:38
Similarly, there are Pacific Northwest snipe hunting expeditions for the adventurous tourist with a wild streak.

Gethalorre
03-09-2005, 08:23
hail english chums, do not forget the lesser spotted chav. They are often found in gangs, and there favourite prey is small ten year olds. They are dressed in a selection of sport make clothing, arrgh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooo they got me....................