View Full Version : in 2 months how I've changed...

13-04-2005, 07:27
Hello portenters. Some of you may remember me as being Comte Lucifer. Well I've changed since both in name and in reality.

I started the new year rather happily and entered my last year of school. I'm getting excellent grades, the work isn't as bad as i thought it would be and I've got a ton a friends. Of course, being my ususal stupid self I fell in love with someone who of course will never love me. Well...It's been 4 weeks since I've been like I am now: irritable, tired, bored, brooding, beaten.

I hate it. Normally I'm the great joker of the group, the one that makes everyone smile, that cracks jokes at teachers, sticks april fools stickers on said teachers, helps friends out. Now I'm this guy who sticks at the back of class, writing (barely), and mostly zoning out. I ignore others and I'm cought up in my misery. The worst Is that I fully know what I'm doing and I take an almost perverse pleasure at doing so. At night I barely sleep, I spend hours on end writing single words on paper, trying to vent my frustration. I can't cry. It won't come out. So I brood.

I say frolic it. It isn't me and yet I don't wan't this to end. Am I slightly crazy? I can't help but see stupid things out of the corners of my eyes (no joke). Damn, I just feel burn't out.

Oh well, stupid rant over. Go back to whatever it is you guys do...

Edit by Brimstone - Swear again and you'll get a strike.

13-04-2005, 07:37
I'm this guy who sticks at the back of class, writing (barely), and mostly zoning out. I ignore others and I'm cought up in my misery. The worst Is that I fully know what I'm doing and I take an almost perverse pleasure at doing so. At night I barely sleep. I can't cry.

Edited to sound like me during my school years.

Kargos Bloodspit
13-04-2005, 07:42
Wow, sounds exactly like me... well to a certain extent, there are certain things that can't be matched.

Are all wargamers like this? Or at least the ones that come to Portent.

Brother Munro
13-04-2005, 08:03
Sounds like hormones to me. I have an annoying habit of being eternally easy going, very little phases me. But what you are experiencing is entirely normal, you'll feel fine in a while, in the mean time do something to aleviate your depression, violent computer games usually work :D

13-04-2005, 08:24
violent computer games usually work :D

Been there, done that. Did 4h in a cybercafe playing counterstrike. Didn't help.

Any way hormones seems a bit too easy. If it were only that why would it last 4 weeks?

13-04-2005, 09:00
As far as I know, everyone is like this from time to time, everyone that lives a more or less human life, anyway. Not everyone talks about it though, and I guess Portent is just a more attractive place to spill your guts than most.

I've been there and done that, gone back and expect to be repeating the process many times in the future, each time with interesting and surprising new variations. At least it's the kind of humour (in ye olde fashion'd sense) that suits me well, I never had scores of friends to entertain. That said, I daresay I manage to amuse myself and my companions well enough.

I'd suggest you try talking to people. And by that I don't mean making pointless social calls to avoid being alone and force yourself to cover up your troubles. I mean talk about what's bothering you, and what's bothering them, in as honest terms as you can manage. I spent years in class with a friend before I started having real conversations with him, and only then found out we'd both had a hopeless crush on the same girl (though in my case it was a trifle more than a crush). The stuff people carry with them that they habitually hide from the world is amazing.

I don't bother trying to classify what I'm feeling. Hormones, psychological disorders, pheromones, whatever, it doesn't change what I feel, and it usually sounds rather unappealing. I also stopped feeling pressured, I don't care if it's what I'm supposed to feel, how it's supposed to go, how long it's supposed to take. My life, and I suspect life in general, doesn't work neatly like that. If there's any rules they're really vague and open to interpretation. If it works for me, then it works. A lot of the time it doesn't even do that.

Lord Balor
13-04-2005, 09:59
Balor Burnt out by the Time VCE started (Year 11 i think?), turned to the bottle (I'm weaning off it) and had many a difficulty with fights and schoolwork...

{Deleted for the safety of the people}

...and i ended up just fine! Right now i'm at a great Uni, in a course i love, great circles of mates and best of all the Pool Hall filled with gamers and arcades and would you believe it, pool tables!

So don't worry mate, everyone goes thorugh tough times, especially in the last two years of school. Buckle up, get a exercise routine started as its helps you immensly to vent rage, have a think about whats important and best of all bulk up. Also, get a study Plan, have allocated hours dedicated to revising what happened during class and before you know it you'll be watching attentively in class, feeling good about yourself and have a lot more self confidence.

As for your lady problems, you better ask someone else as any relationship i get into has the bad habbit of going horribly horribly wrong. Oh and when you hit college/Uni you'll realise that theres *too* many fish in the sea to keep track of :p

Delicious Soy
13-04-2005, 10:49
Want advice? I have the truest, greatest advice for your collective situation ever.Unfortunately for you, like everyone else who's been your age (mself included), is that you are incapable of believing it until its too late. Still I'll give it to you. Ahem. In terms of life

This period in your life means precisely Jack!!!1

Trust me. At age 21, I regard myself at 16-18 as a complete hormonal retard :p

Brother Munro
13-04-2005, 11:40
Been there, done that. Did 4h in a cybercafe playing counterstrike. Didn't help.

Any way hormones seems a bit too easy. If it were only that why would it last 4 weeks?

Try actual violent games, not ones which dilute it with tacticas and sneaking and stuff ;)

Hormonal induced emoitional swings last for odd lengths of time, eventually they go away (though it doesn't seem like they will at the time).

13-04-2005, 11:40
Amen to Soy's statement. It was a hell of a time for me as well, and more often than not I'm embarrassed when I think of how I was at 16-17; hormoned filled, dramatic, puberty ridden, n00b. It's harsh, but a neccessary step in life.



13-04-2005, 13:05
Easy, this is what you do:

Get ploughed, drunk like a bastard. Go out in public and dangle your little soldier out infront of traffic, wait till you get punched. Punched so hard that you sober up.

Then go home and repeat.

14-04-2005, 03:59
It would be best to avoid esiv's advice.

I was going through the same stuff a month ago, and the best thing to do is find someone who you can really trust and won't feel awkward around you, and then just let loose and start bitching about everything. Make they're ready for that to, and make sure they won't mind you crying on their shoulder.

14-04-2005, 08:38
I can empathise with you totally. Hey - I was a geek at school (nothing changes) and had many occassions where I idolised girls who wouldn't have touched me with a barge pole.

Now I'm 28 (sigh) and wish that I was more like I am now than I was then... I really don't care what people think about me and thus don't have to act certain ways to be mates with people that normally wouldn't like me. What's the point of that? I feel like I'm still 18 or so and it's great. I offend people occassionally and I'm pretty poor on being subtle sometimes, but if someone doesn't like me, then I won't be losing sleep over it.

As Soy said - this time of your life means jack. If you plan on getting to uni, then you obviously need the grades, but school life itself is garbage. The cool crowd end up having crap lives because they're too involved in maintaining the 'I'm the best' facade. The geeks will always be geeks, though usually end up well off and the in betweeners have the lives they pretty mcuh wanted.

The love life thing will pass. Don't paint your room black and write sucky poetry... Grieve in your own way and then you'll move on. It'll happen a few times and it'll feel like there's nothing worth living for. What a load. You'll get a girlfriend and things will be all good. You'll forget about this phase and be happy.

14-04-2005, 16:23
This is all due to girls.
I think its just hung up-ness
Basically the way to get over her is time, (takes ages)
Meet another one, who will take ur mind of the old one and repeat till death. unless u marry one or stay with one.
Or go off girls.

5upr3m3 h4xx0rz
14-04-2005, 18:40
This sounds a lot like me (except im only 15) and for the last three years (since 8th grade) all i do in class is chill and space out and stuff. I always do all my homework in school and the surprising thing is that i almost always end up with bs and a couple a's. Next year im taking three college-level courses, and i expect to be a lazy-ass in those too. I dont know what to call myself...i could be an inbetweener, because im friends with everyone (jocks and geeks and loser, everyone except for the goths).

14-04-2005, 18:52
Hey, if you didn't use that ridiculous 'l33t' crap; add a dash of dorkiness (not too much) and you'd be like me then. I'll tell you what - I cruised through school too, went to uni, dropped out, got a job, and now I've come half way across the world simply because I could. I don't have student debts to pay for, I don't feel that I missed out on anything due to studying or whatever, and I've got the coolest girlfriend ever.

If I could do anything different, I wouldn't have even tried uni and just jumped straight into a job. When people say what you do in school is the most important thing in your life, they're lying.

Sure I don't earn as much as Bob the lawyer or whatever, but I'm positive I enjoy life a lot more.