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Lord of Nonsensical Crap
14-10-2007, 23:14
Hey all. After lurking on the batreps thread for years, I've finally decided to contribute something to the forum. Inspired by ToxicWisdoms' DE chronicles in the 40k batreps section, I've decided to chronicle the ongoing battles of my Lizardmen army. Before you start moving on to another topic, however, I should probably point out that I've decided to keep things interesting by giving my army an overall mission in their battles.

As per my army's fluff, (http://z1.invisionfree.com/forums/Warhammer_Palace/index.php?showtopic=5378) the Lizardman of the lost city of Ux-Mal are on a quest to retrieve the ten lost shards of the Eye of Quetzl. If they succeed in doing so, then not only will they be able to lift the spell on their temple-city, but they will also be able to revive the slumbering Slann Lord Xlantec.

Therefore, I've concocted a special rule for my army: for every victory they achieve, I roll a D6 for every enemy character killed. On a 4+, a shard of the Eye is found. If I collect 10 shards in total, then I may field a Slann in future games. Note that you cannot retrieve more than 1 shard in a single battle.

A LITTLE ABOUT MYSELF: I've been playing Lizardmen for nearly 2 years now....but sadly, work and university have always hampered my gaming time, and as a result, I have had very insufficient playing experience....well, in Fantasy as a whole (I'm a 40k convert). As such, my track record is very, very poor. Hopefully, though, as this thread progresses, I might improve. You never know.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
14-10-2007, 23:15
Battle 1: the Lady of Death


"Using hidden ways of travel granted to us by the Old Ones before the Fall, the warhost has traversed across the World Pond to the continent of the New Ones. Here, we have arrived in a land ruled over by a living, blood-drinking corpse--an abomination against the plans of the Old Ones. My scrying indicates there may be a shard in her castle, and Ara-kor is already readying the host to crush the unliving ones in battle.

My first game for this thread was a 2000 pt battle against Vampire Counts (played by no less a person than EvC of this forum). Here were our respective armies (from memory):

WARHOST OF UX-MAL (sorry for no points values, but I don't have the list or the book with me at the moment)

Scar-Leader Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Jaguar Charm, Venom of the Firefly Frog, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Sotek, Quetzl & Tepok
Scar-Veteran Tezla-Kar- BSB, Huanchi's Sacred Totem, Spawning of Tepok
Skink Priest Tlacepotl- level 1, 2 dispel scrolls
20 Saurus- full command
10 Skinks- javelins
10 Skinks- blowpipes
10 Skinks- javelins, Scouts
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl
3 Kroxigor
3 Terradons
3 Salamander Packs

Notes: I may have been a little over-points, since both the Venom on the Oldblood and Huanchi Banner were later additions. The overall plan for this battle was my usual one: use my peripheral units to harass the hell out of the enemy and damage his own peripherals while my Saurus advanced for the kill. Hopefully, my Huanchi Banner might even allow some of my Saurus to see combat. Other than that, this is more or less the same army list I usually use, and one that I have had mixed success with. The main problem for me has always been getting the most out of my Saurus; the more I play Lizardmen, the more I realize that Saurus take a lot of skill to use effectively (since they are, for all intents and purposes, an anvil rather than a hammer unit).


Lahmian Vampire Lady- Sword of Might, Innocence Lost, Beguile
Wight Lord- BSB, barded nightmare, Biting Blade, Cursed Book
Necromancer- Book of Arkhan, dispel scroll
20 Skeletons- light armour, shields, full command
20 Skeletons- light armour, shields, full command
10 Zombies
8 Ghouls
7 Dire Wolves- Doom Wolf
6 Black Knights
6 Black Knights- full command, Banner of the Barrows
3 Spirit Hosts


There were two woods on either side of his DZ, a house on the left hand side of the field, and another wood on the right hand side of my DZ. He his Wolves and BSB Knights on the left flank, the Banshee and Spirits behind the wood, the three infantry blocks near the right-hand flank along with the normal Knights, and the Ghouls in his right wood. I, in turn, placed my two Saurus blocks far opposite his own infantry with my blowpipers screening them and flanked by the Kroxigor on the left and the Salamanders on the right. I placed another unit of Skinks on the far left with the Terradons, while the Stegadon went on the far right next to my wood. Scouting placement was a bit of a disappointement, though, as since the right-hand wood was infested with Ghouls, I was forced to put my Skinks on his left-hand wood, just out of LOS of the Wolves and Knights and not in any real position to do any damage.

Turn 1
I won the roll for turn 1 and moved everything up, with the Salamanders entering a nearby wood, the Stegadon skirting up the flank and my Saurus battle line advancing behind their Skink screen. The Terradons and Skinks, along with my speedy Oldblood, all clustered around the house. Meanwhile, For some reason, however, I ALSO moved my Skink Scouts out of cover into shooting range of the Dire Wolves. Now, in all my previous games, my Skink Scouts have ALWAYS died in the first turn due to me rushing them out of cover to shoot the first unit they see. Logically, I should have learned from my mistakes by this point and simply kept the Scouts back. But no, instead I once again gleefully rushed them in front of a snarling, fanged enemy in the vain hope that their shooting would actually do something.

Skipping the magic phase, the aforemention shooting plinked off two Dire Wolves, and left them as sitting ducks in front of a good chunk of the Undead army.

In his turn, he promtply charged his remaining Wolves into my Scouts, who duly failed their fear test and were run down. Wonderful. :smt011 Everything else of his advancedor got into good screaming positions (as was the case with his Banshee): the BSB's knights zoomed down the left flank, the Ghouls edged closer on the right, etc etc.

In the magic phase, the Vampire Lady and her Necromancer servant combined their powers to bolster their respective Skeleton and Zombie units. I decided to let this go, since neither units were a major threat yet. And then came the howling phase from hell: I had forgotten just how nasty Banshees could be, seeing as it had been a while since I had played against them. As a result, I had quite stupidly left my Oldblood in screaming range of her, and this resulted in him having two wounds scared out of him by that ghostly shrieker. Wow, what a wonderful start to a wonderful battle.


Knowing that my Oldblood was a sitting duck (er...lizard), I decided to charge him into something to keep him safe (and yes, I had quite forgotten that Banshees can scream at you while you're still in combat). Seeing as the Banshee was still out of LOS from within her wood, though, I did the next best thing and charged the Spirit Hosts. Looking back, I'm not quite sure why I thought charging the Spirits was a good idea, since they would keep the Oldblood there forever. Nonetheless, in Ara-kor went, the Froggy Venom of his great weapon glistening menacingly.

Everything else advanced as normal, with the Salamanders moving towards the edge of their wood, the Terrdons flying next to the Zombie bunker, and the Saurus line advancing as usual. Magic was a non-entity (as usual: with a single level 1, you never get much in the way of dazzling magical pyrotechnics), and so shooting began. The Salamanders proved once again why they're my favourite unit in the army by burning 6 Ghouls into cinders, though the 2 survivors held their ground (no doubt feasting on the barbequed remnants of their colleagues). My other unit of javelins Scouts, who had edged to the right flank next to the overunning Dire Wolves, permanently put down another of the doggies with their poisoned missiles, and the Terradons hurled their own javelins and plinked off a Zombie.

In close combat, Ara-kor charged in with his 6 magical, poisoned attacks....and did a single wound. The Spirits did nothing in reply (thankfully), and the battle was a draw. It was clear, however, that the dice had shown me their true colours at this point.

In the Undead turn, the Dire Wolves ignored the Skinks as they continued down the left flank, followed by the Knights. The other Knights angled to meet the advancing Stegadon, while the remaining Ghouls ran back into the wood to avoid more burninating death. And, of course, the Skeletal infantry kept advancing, naturally.

In the ensuing magic phase, more Skeletons and Zombies were raised, with my dispel dice doing little to halt the tide of necromancy. I managed to scroll Curse of Years on my Saurus, but this left me open to the Book of Arkhan, which propelled the Lady's Skeletons forward into my Skink screen, who duly fled, leaving the Skeletons sitting in front of an ugly trio of Kroxigor. In the howling phase, the Banshee once again unleashed an angry tirade of PMS-laden curses at Ara-kor, but this time, he took no notice, and remained unhurt.

Then came the close combat phase. Since he was using his hand weapon and shield instead of his great weapon, Ara-kor this time lived up to his impressive statline and did 4 more wounds, killing off a Spirit base. In exchange, the Spirits did a wound back. I rolled for my armour save....

...and got a one. My yell of despair could be heard for miles as my Oldblood fell to a timely slap from the Spirit Hosts. There went 300+ points down the drain, and my chances of victory suddenly looked a lot slimmer.


With the Skeletons sitting right in front of them, there was nothing for it but for the Kroxigor to charge, while further to the right, the Stegadon bellowed and thundered into the Black Knights. The blowpipe Skinks rallied, and the rest of my movement commenced, with the Sacred Saurus turning around to face the Vampire's flank, and the other unit of Saurus moving up to confront the other Skeleton unit.

In the magic phase, I was practically giddy at the thought of using the Huanchi Banner for the first time, especially in a dastardy charge on the flank of the Vampire's SKeletons. If I pulled this off, then that Vampire was as good as dead. Eagerly, I rolled the dice....

...which came up a 1. I nearly fell over as the Sacred Saurus trundled forwards a single, piddly inch, coming drastically short of the Skeleton's flank and leaving the Kroxigor on their own against the Vampire Lady. I believe I may have said a bad word at this point.

Shooting cheered me up somewhat, as the Salamanders burninated 8 Skeletons and the Skinks plinked off the last of the Dire Wolves. And now came the close combat phase: the Vampire struck first due to Innocence Lost and inflicted two wounds on one of the Kroxigor. In return, two Kroxigor directed all of their attacks on the Vampire, laughing off her downright amusing attempts to Beguile them, and swung out with their great weapons....

...inflicting a single hit, which promtply failed to wound. The third Kroxigor was just as embarassing, killing only a single Skeleton despite hitting on 3's. In return, the Skeletons hacked down the wounded Kroxigor, whose two buddies promtply fled and were run down. To add insult to injury, the nearby blowpipe Skinks panicked and fled right into a woodland, and got destroyed as a result. Yippee.

The Stegadon, however, was a different matter, ploughing right through the Black Knights and leaving them as a big pile of dust in his wake. (I think the Skinks in the howdah even managed a kill in that combat). Without lose stride, the Stegadon trampled onwards towards the Zombie bunker, whose resident Necromancer promptly wet himself.

In the Vampire Counts turn, the BSB's Black Knights charged the javelin skinks, whose stand and shoot reaction did absolutely nothing. The other Skeletons charged the Saurus-- who, surprisingly enough, yelped in feear and fled, escaping their bony adversaries. The Vampire Lady's retinue turned around, and used Vanhel's to complete their about-face so that they were facing the flank of my BSB's Saurus unit, while the Necromancer managed to raise more Zombies around him. When he attempted to use the Book to propel his Lady into combat, however, I very courteously scrolled it.

In the screaming phase, five Sacred Saurus were shrieked to death, and in the following combat, the Black Knights killed 8 Skinks and ran the rest down.


The Stegadon roared and charged the Zombie bunker. The Terradons would have joined him, but were too paralyzed with fear to do so. With the Vampire Lady glaring hungrily across the field at him, the BSB, figuring that his reduced unit couldn't stand up to a big, fear-causing unit of Skeletons led by a Vampire Lady, promtply abandoned ship, moving out of his unit and remaining careful to stay out of screaming range of the Banshee. The other unit of Saurus, meanwhile, retained their wits and rallied.

With no magic, it was on to shooting, with the Salamanders burninating 5 more Skeletons. And then came the most embarassing brain-fart of the game: my Stegadon vs the Zombies. With the Necromancer in the front rank, I could easily have trampled him to dust. Given my recent string of bad rolling however, I was plagued with horrible visions of the Stegadon then losing combat and being run down, and decided to go for CR kills instead of simply squishing the Necro. 5 Zombies fell in total; the Stegadon still lost, but held its ground, while I was left shaking my head and wondering why the hell I had just squandered my chance to kill the Necromancer.

At this point, EvC had to leave (or maybe I did....I forget), and we called the game early. It was clear, however, that he had won this battle.

Result: Loss

Shards recovered: 0

Thoughts: Well, that sucked. My glorious plan of flanking the Vampire with a Huanchified Saurus charge fizzled out the window due to some bad rolling. My Oldlblood's demise was even more embarassing-- even more embarassing than the time he was once chopped to death by an Empire Halberdier. All and all, looking back at this battle, I can't decide if I lost more due to tactical boneheadedness or horrific luck.

Anyway, stay tuned as I try to redeem this loss in my next game.

15-10-2007, 08:42
Now, in all my previous games, my Skink Scouts have ALWAYS died in the first turn due to me rushing them out of cover to shoot the first unit they see. Logically, I should have learned from my mistakes by this point and simply kept the Scouts back. But no, instead I once again gleefully rushed them in front of a snarling, fanged enemy in the vain hope that their shooting would actually do something.

This sounds just like the things I usually do... Bound to work sometime lol

Nice rep, readily understandable and quite amusing (PMS banshee :D )
keep 'em coming!

P.S: I'm not to familiar with lizardmen so I can't give any army advice but some more magic might help.

15-10-2007, 15:47
My Saurus Old blood did exactly the same thing as yours, but worse. He charged into 4 Ogres, including a butcher and aimed all his attacks against the butcher. I missed with 4 and failed to wound with the other. The butcher then lived up to his name and killed him outright! However, the skinks and Saurus did their thing and I eventually won. I may leave him in a unit next time!!

Nice battle. Good luck shard hunting.

15-10-2007, 16:42
Oh yay, I'm featured in a (winning) battle report! The exact composition for my characters was Black Periapt and Quickblood as well on good old Queen Lahamas and the Wight Lord was just armed with his standard Wight Blade (Plus my Ghouls have a champion, very important fella). Impressive report, it was a little while ago wasn't it? Well in fact I know it was a while ago since we had our rematch the other day and I couldn't for the life of me remember how it had gone, so thanks for posting this and reminding me of my glorious victory! I do remember that charge on the Necromancer, so sure I'd be taking him off the battlefield, but you didn't target him, and being very thankful :D

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
15-10-2007, 20:29
Thanks for the clarifications, EvC. NEXT: The host of Ux-Mal deals with some thieving Dwarfs, and the rematch against EvC!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
16-10-2007, 02:17
PS: After the battle, I realized my Oldblood combo was illegal-- both the Jaguar Charm and Venom are Enchanted Items. EvC, you have my apologies.

Battle 2: Not All That Glitters Is Gold

For the second battle in my Lizards’ shard-quest, I wound up facing a Dwarf player who requested we do a 1000 point battle. I have quite a bit of experience facing Dwarfs, and I know that, while Lizardmen can outmaneuver them with horrible ease, actually beating them in combat can be tricky…


“After the disastrous attack on the corpse-creature’s territory, the warhost fell back into the outlying woods to regroup. At this stage, complications arose: firstly, news of increasing numbers of New Ones encroaching on Ux-Mal meant that we had to sent half of the Saurus back across the portal to protect the hidden paths to the city. Secondly, due to the losses we had sustained in our first engagement, we had to wait for reinforcements to arrive from the city before we renewed our assault on the Vampire’s lands.

At this stage, scouts reported that a force of Dwarfs was in the area, carrying with them an abundance of relics of the Old Ones. It was clear that they were treasure-hunters returning home from a trip to Lustria. We could not allow such transgressions against the temples of the Old Ones to go unpunished, and so Ara-kor gathered a small force to intercept the New Ones and bring them to justice.

My list:

Scar-Leader Ara-kor (Scar-Veteran)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Jaguar Charm, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Quetzl & Sotek- 178
Skink Priest Tlacepotl- 2 dispel scrolls- 105
15 Saurus Warriors- 210
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins- 60
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Salamanders- 195


His list (from memory)

Thane- great weapon, gromril armour and….stuff
Runesmith- great weapon, heavy armour and….stuff
20 Dwarf Warriors- full command, great weapons
12 Ironbreakers
10 Thunderers- Champion
Bolt Thrower
Organ Gun

Looking at his list, I was a little surprised by the fact that he hadn’t given his Warriors shields. This, combined with some of his deployment decisions, gave me the quick impression that he was a new player.


There was a large hill on the right side of his DZ, a house in the middle of mine, a small cluster of woodland on his left side and a tiny wood on the right hand corner of the battlefield—meaning that, for the most part, he had a clear shooting range. He predictably placed his Thunderers and artillery on the hill, and put his Ironbreakers (with Runesmith) and Warriors (with Thane) in the center of the field, a little too far away to give adequate support to the missile troops. I, in turn, weight my right flank, with the Saurus, Kroxigor and characters sheltering behind a blowpipe screen, while the Javelin Skinks and Salamanders were placed on the left flank.

My plan was one that I had developed from numerous games against Dwarfs: use Skinks and my JSOD to eliminate his firepower, my Salamanders to thin down his troops, and only engage in close combat when the enemy had been sufficiently weakened. Dwarfs may be slow (in fact, they are ridiculously easy for my Lizards to outmanouvre), but beating them in combat is a tricky matter indeed.


The sunlight glinted off of polished Dwarfen steel as the New Ones arrayed for battle, forming up in disciplined blocks to confront the scaly invaders while artillery and missile troops took up firing positions on the hills above them. Ara-kor shook his head. Part of him admired the Dwarfs and their courage—for truly, the Old Ones had created them as an unyielding bulwark against Chaos – but the situation made it hard for him to do so. These Dwarfs had raided the temples of the Old Ones to satiate their greed, and if Tlacepotl was correct, they might even have a shard with them. As a servant of the Old Ones, he had to punish them for their transgression and retrieve the relics that they had stolen, and as the Scar-Leader of Ux-Mal, it was his duty to retrieve the shard from their cold, dead hands if necessary.

Raising his toothed greatsword to the sky, Ara-kor let loose a predatory roar, giving the signal to attack.

Winning the roll for the first turn, I advanced with everything: on the right flank, the Saurus and Kroxigor turned towards the Ironbreakers, while the blowpipers flitted towards the Dwarf gunline, spreading out to shield the Saurus as Ara-kor joined them to avoid being singled out by Dwarven bullets. On the left flank, the javelin scouts and Salamanders advanced to get within shooting range of the Thane and his retinue.

In response, the two Dwarven blocks advanced while their shooty units opened up. Four Skinks were gunned down by Thunderers, and, from their vantage on the hilltop, the Organ Gun and Bolt Thrower felled an unimpressive 3 Saurus. All in all, not a bad first turn for me.

Turn 2

With the Dwarven artillery crews right in his sights, Ara-kor snarled and charged, slamming into the very surprised Organ Gun crew. The blowpipers again spread themselves out to catch bullets, the Krox and Saurus again advanced, and the javelin Skinks and Salamanders angled to shoot at the Warriors.

In the shooting phase, the Dwarf player found out exactly why he should always give his Warriors shields; although the Skinks did nothing, the Salamanders burned four of the stunties to cinders (thanks in part to their flammable beards). In close combat, Ara-kor did what he does best and ripped the Organ Gun crew to merry shreds.

In response, the Dwarfen gunline held its ground, while the Warriors charged the nearby javelin Skinks. Their stand-and-shoot reaction, much to my surprise, brought down another four Dwarfs, and the charge itself fell short, though they refrained from panicking. The Bolt Thrower, unable to draw a line of sight on Ara-kor, consoled itself by inflicting two wounds on the nearby Kroxigor, while the Thunderers blasted another 3 blowpipe Skinks apart.

Turn 3

Happy to see that there were yet more Dwarfs to kill, Ara-kor hungrily charged into the Bolt Thrower crew, while the Kroxigor launched themselves in a charge against the Ironbreakers. The blowpipers moved in front of the Thunderers, while the Skinks manouvred (in vain) to avoid the Warriors. The Saurus, who were still out of charge range, consoled themselves by moving closer to the Kroxigor/Ironbreaker combat.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl tried to bless the Kroxigor with Portents of Far, but the Runesmith was having none of these magic shenanigans and dispelled it. The javelin Skinks and Salamanders combined their fire to kill six Dwarf Warriors, and the blowpipers …did absolutely nothing with their shooting. In close combat, Ara-kor wiped out the Bolt Thrower crew in mere seconds, while the Kroxigor slammed into the Ironbreakers and crushed four of them. Striking back, the Runesmith killed the wounded Kroxigor, and the Ironbreakers held their ground.

In his turn, the Warriors again charged the Skinks, losing one to stand-and-shoot, but this time making it into close combat. The Thunderers, meanwhile, for some reason decided that Skinks would die more easily from being bludgeoned to death than from being shot, and charged the blowpipe Skinks, who fled the battlefield, never to return. With no shooting, the Dwarfs moved straight to combat: the javelin Skinks lost four of their number to the great axes of the Dwarfs and fled, only to be cut down by the vengeful beardies. The Ironbreakers, meanwhile, inflicted two wounds on the Kroxigor, while the Runesmith killed the wounded Krox and wounded another one. The last Kroxigor bludgeoned down two more Ironbreakers before turning and running, with the Runesmith and his crew following behind.

Turn 4

With a roar, Ara-kor charged the Thunderers, while the lone Kroxigor rallied in front of the Saurus—much to my irritation, since he was blocking them from charging the Ironbreakers. The Salamanders, meanwhile, continued to manouvre out of the Warriors’ line of sight, ready to flame them some more.

In the shooting phase, the Salamanders burned down another five Dwarfs, though they also ate two of their handlers in the process. Ara-kor, meanwhile, hacked three Thunderers into bloody pieces, though the stout Dwarfs held their ground.

In the Dwarf turn, the Ironbreakers edged away from the Kroxigor and Saurus, while the Thane and his surviving Warriors about-faced to face the elusive Salamanders. In close combat, one of the Thunderers actually managed to inflict an unsaved wound on Ara-kor, who slaughtered three Thunderers in return, though the Dwarfs again held their ground.

Turn 5

The Saurus and Kroxigor again manouvred towards the Ironbreakers, while the Salamanders continued to face off against the Warriors. In the shooting phase, the last two Warriors were burned to a crisp by the Salamanders’ flames, along with the Thane. The Thunderers finally met their end, as all four of them were brutally hacked down by Ara-kor.

Seeing that he had clearly lost the battle, the Dwarf player decided to go out with style and moved the Ironbreakers into charge range of my Krox and Saurus. We agreed the time had probably come for a glorious last stand from the Dwarfs, and I was all too happy to oblige.

Turn 6

Raising his great weapon to the sky, Ara-kor signaled the charge, sprinting down from the hill to charge the Ironbreakers along with the Kroxigor and the Salamanders (the Saurus, once again, were blocked by the Kroxigor, much to their frustration and mine). In the ensuing combat phase, three Ironbreakers fell to Ara-kor, though the Kroxigor and Salamanders did nothing. In return, the Ironbreakers hacked down the last Kroxigor, while the Runesmith managed to inflict a wound on one of the Salamanders. In the end, however, the fear-causing Salamanders outnumbered them, and they autobroke, only to be run down by Ara-kor.

And with that, the battle was over….

Tlacepotl stalked through the smoking, charred pile of Dwarf corpses, taking care not to step on any hot ashes. The entire Dwarfen host was dead, either burned to a crisp by the volatile Salamanders or hacked down by Ara-kor. A just and deserved fate, the Skink thought, for those who would violate the sancitity of the Old Ones’ temples.

Still, something was amiss. For some reason, Tlacepotl felt drawn to the center of the pile of Dwarfen bodies, his magical senses itching curiously. Slowly but surely, he stalked through the blackened bodies towards the corpse at the center—a charred skeleton encased in ornate armour that still glowed red-hot from the flames. The ornate quality of his armour and great axe indicated that he had been the leader of the Dwarf host, no doubt a noble of considerable prestige.

Carefully, Tlacepotl raised his staff and prodded the Dwarf’s corpse, nudging it and causing it to collapse onto its side with a dull crash of armour. There was a tattered, ruined rucksack strung behind the Dwarf’s body. Slowly, Tlacepotl prodded the sack with is staff, causing it to fall apart and spill its contents onto the ground.

There. Lying amidst a pile of golden trinkets and ornamentations that had shamelessly been taken from a Lustrian temple lay a small sliver of black diamond, untouched and untarnished by the flames. It gleamed coldly in the sunlight, and Tlacepotl’s magical senses were aflame just through his looking at it. Slowly, he knelt down and picked it up: the gem shard burst into transluscent colour the moment sunlight touched it, and for a moment Tlacepotl was almost lost in contemplation as he gazed into the shard’s endless depths.

That is, until he sensed Ara-kor walking up behind him. The Saurus was practically drenched in Dwarven blood: he had fought like a god incarnate, unyielding as he slew Dwarfs in droves. Tlacepotl now had no doubt that Ara-kor had been blessed by Quetzl, for only the Protector-God could make such feats of strength and skill possible. The Saurus’ expression was somber as he gazed at the crystal in Tlacepotl’s hand.

“Is that….”

The Skink Priest nodded. “One of the Shards of the Eye,” he said. “Clearly, Quetzl has guided us to this place.”

His pocketed the shard in a special pouch. “We must keep moving, Ara-kor,” he said. “There may be more shards in this area. In all probability, that vampire may have another one.”

Ara-kor nodded. “I shall marshal the warhost,” he replied. “We will march again on the vampire’s keep as soon as we are reinforced, and this time, we will send her back to the grave where she belongs.”

And with that, the Lizardmen dispersed, taking the stolen artifacts with them and leaving a field of dead Dwarfs for the carrion….

RESULT: Lizardmen Victory (by Massacre, I think)

Shards found: 1

Thoughts: Well, all I can saw is that everything went according to plan. True, I was hoping that the Kroxigor would have surived, and I would have liked it if the Saurus had actually made it into combat, but this was mitigated by the fact that I had wiped out the Dwarven host to a beard. If anything, though, this was less because of my own playing skills and more because of my opponent’s inexperience: he left his missile troops alone and unsupported on that hill, sent his Warriors off to chase Skinks and Salamanders rather than support his Ironbreakers, and, of course, neglected to give his Warriors shields. Heck, even the simple addition of a banner or musician for his Ironbreakers would have kept them in the fight for another turn.

Aside from feeling a little guilty for beating up on a newbie (although I gave him plenty of pointers after the battle), I’m satisfied that I at least got a shard. One down, nine to go….

MVP: Without a doubt, my JSOD was the star of the game, wiping out the entire Dwarfen firebase on his own before later charging in and running down the fleeing Runesmith and his Ironbreakers. The Salamanders take second place, though, for burninating an entire Dwarf Warrior unit and the Thane leading them.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
17-10-2007, 15:49
Battle 3: In Cold Blood


“After successfully destroying the thieving Dwarfs and retrieving one of the shards of the Eye, we have received fresh Skink levy reinforcements from the portal, led by Ixcotl, one of my subordinates in the Skink Council, and Kaxaan, Ux-Mal’s most skilled hunter. Sadly, the remainder of our Saurus had to leave through the portal to deal with the New One threat back home, but Ara-kor is not discouraged. Such is his humility that he does not feel uncomfortable leading a force of Skinks—a fact that has bolstered the morale of the Levy greatly.

It is too soon to feel too optimistic, however, as dark forces are on the move. The Undead whom we battled earlier—the so-called Queen Lahamas—has gathered her forces once more to purge us from the outlying woodlands. With Ara-kor leading us, however, we shall not be purged so easily.

Hi everyone! For my third battle report, I decided to do something different with my army. Normally, I usually play a list that features two or three blocks of Saurus (primarily because….well, I have the models, so I might as well use them). This time around, however, I decided to try the tournie-popular “Skink Horde of Death” list. I did this for the following reasons:
-I’ve never tried it before
-My Saurus, while a reliable anvil unit, have really been underperforming in the last two battles (though their usefulness is always mixed)
-My army background—what with most of the Saurus either dead or in hibernation—doesn’t really make 2-3 Saurus blocks a realistic option.

Mind you, I’m not giving up on Saurus entirely (despite the amount of flak they tend to get from veteran Lizzie players). But I am going to try the skirmishy list for a while, just to see how well I do with it.

My list:

Scar-Leader Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Quetzl, Sotek & Tepok- 262 pts
Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, shield, Cloak of Feathers, Sacred Spawning of Sotek- 139
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235

TOTAL: 1935

Yes, I know I’m several points behind, but I don’t have the models to fill those points up. I noticed this only after the battle.

Coincidentally, my opponent for this batrep was…..(drumroll) the same VC player I fought in the first battle. Rematch time!

His list:

Queen Lahamas (Vampire Lady)- Sword of Might, Black Periapt, Innocence Lost, Beguile, Quickblood
Wight Lord- BSB, barded nightmare, Cursed Book
Necromancer- barded nightmare, level 2, Book of Arkhan, Dispel Scroll
20 Skeletons- full command, shields
20 Skeletons- full command, shields
10 Zombies
8 Ghouls- Ghast
7 Dire Wolves- Doom Wolf
5 Black Knights- full command, Banner of the Barrows
6 Black Knights- full command
3 Spirit Hosts


Terrain featured a big wood on the right side of the battlefield, a pyramid near the middle of my side (pyramids in the Old World? Hey, it could happen), a house on the upper right hand side, and I think maybe another wood on the lower left hand side.

I deployed my Skinks in a loose screen in front of my army, with a unit each of blowpipes and javelins on the right hand side along with Tlacepotl, a unit of Kroxigor and the Salamanders, and a unit of javelins and blowpipes on the left along with another Krox unit, Ara-kor, the Stegadon and some Terradons, while another Terradon unit took the centre. In turn, the VC player put his infantry on the right flank, just like last time, along with the Banshee and Spirit Hosts, while on the left and centre he placed both his Black Knight units, the Ghouls and, on the furthest left, the Dire Wolves. Astute readers will notice that I have four Skink units down at this point: this is because, during deployment, I noticed that putting my scouts near the big wood on the right flank would only result in them winding up on the receiving end of Ethereal nastiness pretty early. My Skink Chief, on the other hand, was placed behind the house, ready to fly out and march-block the Undead as soon as possible.


Tlacepotl rolled Uranon’s Thunderbolt and Celestial Shield, while Ixcotl rolled Uranon’s Thunderbolt and Portent of Far. I forget what the VC player rolled, though.

Turn 1

I won first turn again (what is that, the third time in a row?) and proceeded to advance with just about everything. Kaxaan flew out from behind the house, landed behind the Wight-less Black Knights and proceeded to taunt them mercilessly. Everything else advanced swiftly, with my Stegadon and Kroxigor advancing up the centre behind a screen of blowpipers (which Ara-kor promptly joined), the right Terradons flying behind the house which Kaxaan had recently been sheltering behind, the left Terradons flying beside them, and so on. In short, everything that could moved forwards.

In the magic phase, I was quite pleased to be able to throw out some offensive spells for once. Sadly, though, I had very little LOS due to having my Skink screens blocking off my Skink Priests, so I had to console myself with having Ixcotl cast Portent of Far on the Stegadon. Which, of course, was promptly dispelled.

In the Undead turn, everything moved up to meet the Lizards: the Spirit Hosts and Banshees floated into the right-hand treeline, and the Skeletal infantry marched forwards. The Dire Wolves and Black Knights, however, shuffled around to try to react to my Terradons and Skink Chief, with the Dire Wolves in particular lining up to gain LOS to Kaxaan. I could already smell a Book of Arkhan ploy in the making.

In the Undead magic phase, the Lahmian Queen laughed haughtily as she raised more Skeletons in the unit beside her own, ignoring my feeble attempts to dispel it. The Necromancer followed suit, but this time found his efforts blocked by my Skink Priests. Annoyed, he tried to read from the Book of Arkhan to propel the Dire Wolves into Kaxaan, but Ixcotl was having none of that and countered with a Dispel Scroll. To add insult to injury, the Book’s batteries ran out at that crucial moment, leaving the Necromancer to wonder why the hell he chose Energizer instead of Duracell.

In the howling phase, however, the Banshee started to rant at my right-hand blowpipe Skinks, killing 3. Despite this, my Skinks held their ground.

Turn 2

With an almighty, high-pitched yell, Kaxaan engaged his magic cloak/jet pack and charged the Dire Wolves, while Ara-kor, seeing an opening, roared and charged in as well, hitting the rotting wolves in the flank. My two Terradons units, meanwhile, flew behind enemy lines, with one landing behind the BSB’s knights and the other touching down next to the Necrobunker. Everything else moved forward, though on the right flank, the Kroxigor edged backwards to avoid the Spirit Hosts, Tlacepotl joined the Salamanders, and my two flanking Skink units circled around the woods in a vain attempt to avoid the Banshee.

My magic phase was….well, uneventful, with two Thunderbolts aimed at the Black Knights and Spirit Hosts being dispelled. The shooting phase was a little better, with the Salamanders torching down 5 of the vampire-less Skeletons, the Stegadon (predictably) missing the BSB’s Black Knights and my Terradons picking up the slack by downing one of the Knights with a javelin through the skull (the Skink rider who threw the lucky shot was later heard shouting “HEADSHOOOT!” in a deep voice).

In close combat, the Doom Wolf shuffled to the side and growled menacingly at Ara-kor, who responded by hacking the aforemention Wolf into bite-sized chunks. Kaxaan, however, was far less impressive, killing only a single Wolf with his 4 S5 attacks, though thankfully the Wolves failed to hurt him in return. After combat resolution was done, only a single Wolf was left against my two characters.

Seeing the tasty morsels in front of them, the Ghouls charged the blowpipe Skinks on my left flank, who fled….and wound up right in front of my Kroxigor, prohibiting them from charging next turn (since Krox cant charge through fleeing Skinks: just the non-fleeing variety, if such a thing exists). The Spirit Hosts and vampireless Skeletons charged my left-hand javelins Skinks, who fled right into a nearby pyramid and were destroyed. Well, on the plus side, at least my Kroxigor and Salamanders didn’t panic. In all of his other movement, the two Knight units spun around to face my characters, and the Vampire’s Skeletons edged left to confront my Kroxigor, Stegadon, etc etc.

In the magic phase, everything was either dispelled or scrolled save for a casting of Invocation, which replenished the casualties suffered by the vampireless Skellies. Elsewhere, the Banshee drifted towards the blowpipe Skinks again and deafened another three of them, though they again held. Finally, in close combat, Ara-kor and Kaxaan wiped out the last Dire Wolf in ways which would make the Animal Rights Society cringe, and with that it was my turn.

Turn 3

Spying an opening between the dividing pyramid and the fleeing Skinks, the Stegadon thundered forwards towards the Ghouls—who, understandably, fled. Ara-kor and Kaxaan, meanwhile, seeing the net closing around them, decided to break out and charged the Wight-less Knights directly below them. Sadly, I couln’t charge the Necrobunker with my Terradons, as if I wound up hitting-and-running, I would have fled directly into the BSB’s Knights. The fleeing blowpipe Skinks rallied, and everything else manouvred to avoid the enemy (save for my right-flank Skinks, who moved directly in front of the Banshee in the woods to prevent it from targeting my Salamanders and Tlacepotl).

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl managed to get a Thunderbolt through and inflict 2 wounds on the Spirit Hosts, though Ixcotl’s spell was dispelled. In shooting, the Salamanders burned down another 5 Skeletons but ate one of their handlers in the process, while one of my Terradons plinked off one Zombie from the Necrobunker. All in all, not exactly an overwhelming magic and shooting phase.

In close combat, Ara-kor slashed left and right, killing four Black Knights despite that annoying Cursed Book, while Kaxaan managed to kill a fifth. With a rasping grunt of “That’s it, I’m outta here,” the last Black Knight crumbled into dust, and the two Lizardman heroes overran.

In the Undead turn, the Spirit Hosts wailed and charged the right-hand Kroxigor, who wisely fled. The Ghouls, having nicely outdistanced the Stegadon, rallied behind my two characters, while the BSB’s Knights turned around so that my characters were in LOS. Hmm, out of the frying pan and into the fire…

Elsewhere, the Vampire’s Skeletons advanced towards the Stegadon, and the magic phase pomtply commenced. Once again, everything was more or less dispelled or scrolled, though the Necromancer got lucky this time, casting an Irresistable Invocation and raising seven Zombies on the left-hand side of my left-hand Krox. In the Howling phase, the Banshee screamed again, but miraculously, no Skinks died. Amazing, I must say.

Turn 4

At this stage, my characters were caught between a rock and a hard place. If they charged the Ghouls, then they still might not overrun far enough to avoid the Black Knights’ charge. If they charged the Black Knights, however, then they probably wouldn’t crumble enough of them to avoid getting charged in the rear by the Ghouls. In short, my characters were trapped.

With a grunt of “No guts, no glory,” I charged both of my characters into the Black Knights, while my right-hand Terradons flew in to help out and hit the Knights in the rear. My left-hand Terradons, meanwhile, swooped down to charge the recently-raised Zombies on the Kroxigor’s flank, while my right-hand Krox rallied at the board’s edge. Elsewhere, my right-hand javelin Skinks, who had been steadily creeping around the edge of the house, ran into shooting range of the Ghouls, the Stegadon moved back to avoid the Vampire’s charge, the blowpipe Skinks edged up to screen them, and everything else more or less stayed put.

As usual, my magic phase was unimpressive, with everything getting dispelled. In the shooting phase, my Javelin Skinks shot down two Ghouls, while my Salamanders killed only a few Skeletons – and, for that matter, ate six of the handlers, though they thankfully passed their panic test. The left-hand blowpipe Skinks failed to hurt the Lahmian Queen’s Skellies, and I think the Stegadon either missed with its giant bow or killed only one Skellie.

In the highly-anticipated close combat phase, my Terradons killed five Zombies for no loss and crumbled the last 2. Against the Black Knights, meanwhile, Ara-kor issued a challenge and promptly hacked the unit champion to bits. Kaxaan managed to kill another, while the Terradons….did absolutely nothing. In return, the BSB and his Knights miraculously failed to either hit or wound Kaxaan. The steeds, on the other hand, turned around and kicked one Terradon out of the air. Tallying up the points, the Lizardmen had lost combat and promptly autobroke. Much to my embarrassment, the Terradons fled into the vampireless Skeletons and were destroyed, while my characters fled into the Ghouls and were….also….destroyed.

So much for the unstoppable high-speed Lizardmen Duo of Doom.

In his turn, his Queen’s Skeletons charged the blowpipe screen, who fled, contacted the pyramid and were destroyed. (Do you see a theme emerging here?) His Ghouls charged my javelin skinks, who fled. The BSB’s Knights moved forward, hopefully to help out his Lady’s Skeletons later on, while his vampireless Skeletons, after a few turns of taking Salamander beatings, edged back, and his Spirit Hosts continued to inexorably advance on my right-hand Krox.

In the magic phase, he managed to not only replenish his battered Skeletons, but also raise more Zombies to the Necrobunker. By this stage, I used up my last scroll to prevent Ixcotl from being fried by a Gaze of Nagash from the Lady. In the howling phase, the Banshee killed two more Skinks, but the last two still refused to flee.

Turn 5

With the Vampire’s unit sitting right in front of me, it would have been rude not to charge: the Stegadon crashed into the front while the Kroxigor slammed into their flank, resulting in a very nice Skeleton sandwich. Eslewhere, the Skinks who had fled the Ghouls botched their rally test and promptly fled off the board. Predictable, really.

After everything else did its usual maneuvering (with my remaining Terradons flying behind the building to get out of LOS of the Ghouls), it was time for my magic pha--- what was that? Dispelled again? Hmmph, never mind. Shooting was a sore disappointement, with my Salamanders only burning down a piddly two Skeletons (though at least they didn’t eat any more handlers).

With that out of the way, it was time for the all-conquering combat phase. Striking first, the Vampire Queen used her feminine charms to Beguile the Stegadon (yeah, like THAT relationship will last) and inflicted two wounds on it. In reply, however, between the Stegadon’s impact hits and attacks and the Kroxigor’s swinging axes, a whopping thirteen Skeletons were smashed apart. Losing by a massive 12, the remaining Skeleton crumbled to dust, and the Vampire Queen could only give one vindictive cry of rage before she, too, crumbled to dust. My smile was practically ear-to-ear as the rest of the Vampire Counts army began to slowly crumble, with the Spirit Hosts actually losing a base.

In his turn, he charged my victorious Kroxigor in the flank with his remaining Black Knights, and hit my right-flank Kroxigor with his Spirit Hosts; since they were right on the board edge, I had no choice but to hold. The Skeletons and Zombies began to move forwards towards the Salamanders, and the Ghouls maneuvered to get LOS on those pesky Terradons.

In the magic phase, the Necromancer managed to boost his Zombies some more, cackling madly about how he was in charge now that the Queen had snuffed it. The Banshee, meanwhile, annihilated my last two Skinks with a final, vindictive scream. Seeing as they had kept the Banshee occupied for the whole battle, however, I wasn’t too upset by their loss.

In close combat, the BSB and his two remaining Knights fought like demons, killing the Kroxigor base contact with them, breaking the rest and running them down, and ending up right next to my Stegadon. To add insult to injury, Ixcotl panicked at the sight of the Kroxigor being run down and promptly fled. On the right flank, meanwhile, the Spirit Hosts inflicted a wound on the other Kroxigor, who held their ground.

Turn 6

In the final turn, Ixcotl failed to rally and continued to run, while the Stegadon about-faced to face the Black Knights, and the Salamanders moved up to burninate more stuff. That was about it—everything else in my army was either dead or in combat.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl gave a shout of “I HAVE THE POWAH!” and unleashed an Irresistable Thunderbolt which vaporized the BSB and one of the Black Knights. The last Black Knight managed to avoid getting skewered by the Stegadon’s giant bow and promptly gave a dry, rattling laugh, only to then be burned to a crisp by 22 hits from the Salamanders. Boo yah. In close combat, the Spirits failed to hurt the Kroxigor and instead took a wound from outnumbering.

In his turn, the Skeletons and Zombies moved right in front of the Salamanders….for….some reason, the Ghouls continued to chase after the Terradons, and that was that. More stuff crumbled, including (much to my rejoicing), the Banshee, and the Necromancer’s spellcasting attempts were thwarted. All that was left was the Spirit Host combat: the Spirit Hosts actually killed the wounded Kroxigor, broke them, and ran the rest down. And with that, the battle was over.

”Near the close of the battle, the ashen remains of the vampire suddenly lifted up in a miniature tornado and, with a shriek of soul-energy, disappeared. At this, the rest of the Undead withdrew. Though we had thwarted the Undead attack, it was at a heavy cost, and I knew in my heart that we had not truly killed that Vampire, and that the next time we confronted her, she would be out for vengeance.”

Result: Draw (14-13 in my favour)

Shards recovered: 1

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
17-10-2007, 15:53
(AAAARGH! stupid 2k limit)

Thoughts: Wow! I knew skirmishy Lizardman lists were maneuverable, but actually playing one showed my exactly how maneuverable. By turn 2, my characters and Terradons were already behind enemy lines, and by turn 3, my Skinks, flyers and Salamanders were practically running rings around the enemy. I can now see why skirmishy lists are favoured by Lizardman players and loathed by their enemies, as aside from magic and shooting, the VC player couldn’t attack me unless I let him (in which case I would have countercharges ready).

I was more or less dominating the game through movement alone until I lost my characters to that rather idiotic Black Knight charge. I should have realized that attacking a fear-causing unit that had 2 banners, a Cursed Book and outnumbered me was stupid, but then I had been encouraged by the destruction of the last Black Knight unit. In retrospect, I should have hit the Ghouls instead.

Other than that, a winning draw is a rather nice result for my first game with skirmishy Lizards (and killing off the Vampire was a huge bonus).

Anyway, stay tuned, gentle readers, as next time I will be taking on a crusade of juvenile delinquents!

17-10-2007, 16:41
nice reps all over. so next up would be knight-errants?

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
18-10-2007, 02:30
You would guess correctly.

Battle #4: When Rowdy Teenagers Attack


"No sooner had the Undead host of Queen Lahamas retreated into the darkness, than horns suddenly blared on the horizon. A moment later, our Scouts came back and frantically reported a host of human horsemen advancing towards our position, arrayed for war.

After analyzing the situation, I quickly determined that these humans were of the Bretonni tribe, and that they had come to purge the Undead from these lands. Instead of the Undead, however, they found us, and in their ignorance decided that we must be monstrous allies of the Vampire. Ara-kor, still recovering from his injuries, leapt back to his feet and quickly took charge of the warhost as we prepared to fend off the Bretonni...."

For my next battle, I found myself up against a Bretonnian Errantry War list for a 2250 pt game. Now, I've had mixed success against Brets (and by "mixed success," I mean "played a victory against them once and an unfinished loss against them a second time). To keep things interesting, I took the Skinky Death list again.

My list:

Scar-Leader Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Quetzl, Sotek & Tepok- 262 pts
Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, shield, Cloak of Feathers, Sacred Spawning of Sotek- 139
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
15 Saurus- full command- 210
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235

TOTAL: 2145

Once again, I wound up being below points (by more than a 100 points, at that). Sadly, this was in part due to me not having a good calculation on hand. You'll notice the addition of the Saurus, solely to bump points up: in a mostly skirmishy list, I had no hopes of them doing....well, anything really.

His list was as follows:

Bretonnian Lord- Morning-Star of Fracasse, Gilded Cuirass, shield, Mantle of Damsel Elena
Paladin- BSB, War Banner, Virtue of Duty
9 Knights Errant- full command
9 Knights Errant- full command
9 Knights Errant- full command
9 Knights Errant- full command
9 Knights Errant- full command
9 Knights Errant- full command
15 Peasant Bowmen- full command
15 Peasant Bowmen- full command
15 Peasant Bowmen- full command
15 Peasant Bowmen- full command
15 Peasant Bowmen- full command

In total, a very interesting list with absolutely no magic or special units whatsoever, and the bare minimum in characters. It was, however, a list with lots and lots of core troops. S6, ward-save toting core troops. Whoo boy.


There was a big hill in the centre of his DZ, a big wood on the right side of the battlefield, a pond on the left side (excellent for moving my Aquatic troops through), and a pyramid in the middle of my own DZ. A pretty weird setup, if you ask me.

He set up all of his archers on the back field, with 3 units taking up positions on the big hill in his DZ. He then spread 5 of his Errant units in the middile of the table, with his BSB and Lord in the central unit, while a sixth unit was deployed on the other side of the right-hand wood. In turn, I deployed my usual Skink screen, weighting my left flank with both Kroxigor units, the Salamanders, Ixcotl and a Terradon unit, and the rght flank with my Saurus, Stegadon, Ara-kor, Tlacepotl and another Terradon unit, and placed my Scouts and Kaxaan in the big wood.

I rolled Thunderbolt and Comet for Ixcotl, Portent and Comet for Tlacepotl, he prayed, and the battle commenced.

(Note: I don't remember much on a turn-by-turn basis, so I'll be posting events in clumps of turns).

Turn 1

Everything moved up, though my Scouts stayed in the woods. I positioned my Skinks and Terradons to draw in charges, and in the magic phase, Ixcotl blasted two Errants from their saddles with a Thunderbolt, while Tlacepotl summoned a Comet.

In his turn....well, he moved forward, naturally. His archers managed to kill a few Skinks from the unit screening my Salamanders, but that was it.

Turn 2

To my complete and utter joy, the Comet came down on three of the Knights Errant units.....and killed a single Knight. :evil: (Dammit, I miss the S5 Comet of the previous edition.) Once again, my Skinks and Terradons positioned themselves to draw in charges, my Scouts moved to marchblock the rightmost Errant unit, the Salamanders positioned themselves to flame any overrunning Errants.....and that's it. In the magic phase, neither of my Priests managed to cast anything, the Stegadon missed with its giant bow, and it was his turn.

In his turn, he declared with a whole lot of charges, and I responded with a whole lot of fleeing. The end result was two Skink units and a Terradon unit fleeing back to my board edge, and a lot of Errant units left open for counter-charges. In the shooting phase, a few more Skinks from the unit shielding the Salamanders bit the dust, but they held.

Turn 3

Crunch time! Ara-kor and the Stegadon charged the rightmost unit in the big 5-unit formation (not to be confused with the sixth unit that was creeping along the right of the woods), while the Terradons, who had flown below the wood, charged them in the flank. On the left of the field, I declared a charge with both of my Krox units on the leftmost Errant unit. This was a foolish move on my part, as only one unit was in range and made the charge, while the other Krox unit was left as a sitting duck. I should have known that that charge was a long shot just by looking at the distance: what I should have done was have my other Krox unit simply charge the Errant unit directly in front of it instead of attempting a dual charge.

With that little formality done with, my Skinks and Terradons promptly failed to rally and began to flee the battlefield completely. To add insult to injury, they passed by Ixcotl, who turned and fled as well. :x Kaxaan flew out of the woods to marchblock the rest of the Knights, and that was it. In the magic phase, Tlacepotl failed to cast anything, while in shooting phase, only one Salamander was in range of an unengaged Errant unit, and....did absolutely nothing. Fantastic.

In close combat, the Kroxigor killed only 2 Errants thanks to that ever-so-annoying ward save. They took no damage in return, and held their ground. On the right flank, meanwhile, Ara-kor roared a challenge to the Grail Knight champion, who accepted and was heroically hacked to ribbons. The Stegadon, meanwhile, went to town, crushing about four Errants with its impact hits and attacks, while the Terradons did nothing. Still, the Errants did nothing back and promtply broke (despite the BSB reroll), only to be run down. My Oldblood and Stegadon wound up still out of charge range of the Archers, though, but my Terradons did overrun off the board.

In his turn, however, he responded with a crapload of charges. One Errant unit charged my unengaged Kroxigor; deciding that they wouldn't be able to survive the charge, I fled with them, only to watch as they were run down. Two more Errant units -- one of which had the Lord and BSB-- charged the Saurus, who held. The sixth Knight unit continued to circle around the woods, and that was that.

In the shooting phase, most of the Bowmen's arrows did absolutely nothing to my Stegadon. They did, however, porcupine poor Kaxaan, killing hi, and kill a few more Skinks here and there. In close combat, my poor Saurus were reduced to four models, broke, and were run down. To add insult to injury, the Lord's unit overran into the fleeing Ixcotl, who proceeded to flee the battlefield altogther (which hurt, since he was the one with Thunderbolt). In the Errant/Kroxigor combat, the Kroxigor took a wound, killed one Knight back, broke, and were run down. Wow, my forces were well and truly sucking today.

Turn 4

By this stage, a huge chunk of my forces were either dead or had fled the field. Looking back at this turn, what I really should have done was had my Steg and Oldblood continue onwards to charge and kill off the clustered units of Bowmen. Instead, however, I decided to kill more Knights, and promtply turned them around to stomp back towards the centre of the field. The Terradons returned next to the big hill with the three Peasant units squatting on it, the Salamanders about-faced to target the Knights, Tlacepotl moved between enemy units to avoid getting charged, my Scouts continued to marchblock the sixth Knights, and that was that.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl failed to cast Comet again. In the shooting phase, the Terradons plinked off a Bowman, while the Scouts failed to kill any Knights. The Salamanders, meanwhile, opened fire on the nearest Errants....and proceeded to kill zero Knights and six of their own handlers. To add insult to injury, they panicked and fled towards the nearest board edge. Great. Just effin great.

In his turn, he maneuvred his Knights around in order to engage the rest of my forces; in particular, he shuffled the two units that had killed the Saurus towards the right side. In the shooting phase, he killed a few more Skinks and Skink handlers, but broke nothing.

Turn 5

The Terradons charged the nearest Bowmen in the flank, the Salamanders rallied, the Oldblood and Stegadon moved alongside the wood to get in charge range of the sixth knights, and that was that. At this point I had little left that could actually do anything.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl again fluffed it, while the Scouts once again threw their styrofoam javelins at the Knights they were tailing. In close combat, however, my Terradons gleefully ripped five Peasants to shreds and ran the rest down, overruning into the next unit on the hill. Sweeeet....

In his turn, he moved his sixth units back to avoid a charge by my Steg and Oldblood, while his Lord's unit and another unit moved into countercharge positions. Two more Errant units moved towards the Salamanders, maneuvering in such a way that they could not escape being charged. His shooting did absolutely nothing, and so we moved straight to combat. My Terradons fluffed it this time, killing only one Bowmen for a wound in return, and hit-and-ran out of combat. Wonderful.

Turn 6

The Stegadon and Oldblood both charged the sixth Knights.....who fled. I was admittedly astounded by this, as I hadn't thought my opponent would sacrifice his Blessing by fleeing. Looking at the two Errants units (complete with Lord) poised to flank charge my Stegadon, I sighed as I realized that I had been led into a trap.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl did nothing again, and in the shooting phase, the Salamanders, trying desperately to move out of charge range, burned down three Knights from the Krox-damaged unit in a final act of defiance.

In his turn, he charged both his Knight units into my Stegadon's flank and sent another unit thundering into the Salamanders, who had no choice but to hold-- their backs were literally to the board edge. His shooting was uneventful, so we moved straight to combat: his Knights skewered a Salamander and wounded a second one. In reply, my Salamanders failed to do anything, broke, and were run down.

We didn't bother resolving the Stegadon combat, as by that point, I threw in the towel.

Result: Loss (Massacred)

Shards: 1

Thoughts: Euuugh. That went bad all too quickly: I had one turn to set up bait and counter-charges, and after that....everything went to hell in a shoebox. My army panicked and fled in droves, my Kroxigor couldn't batter their way through invisible forcefields, my Salamanders did more damage to themselves than to the enemy, and to top it all off my luck was just plain horrible. The only thing that went right was my Oldblood/Stegadon/Terradon combi-charge. Other than that, my defeat, in part, could be owed to more than a few brain farts on my part. Really, I should have seen the trap the Bretonnian player was setting, as it was that blatantly obvious.

As an interesting aside, after the battle, the Bret player wanted to fight a challenge between our generals, just to see what would have happened. Our two lords battered away at each other for nearly five solid turns, with his lord suffering two wounds and my Oldblood one, before, of all things to happen, my Oldblood failed an outnumbering test, fled and was run down. :x Typical, really.

In light of this defeat, any advice on defeating Brets with Lizardmen (particularly skirmishy Lizardmen) would be appreciated.

19-10-2007, 06:13
As a new lizzie player it's a joy to read this thread... Keep it up!!

19-10-2007, 18:29
Just read all 4 reports, and I think this is my new favorite thread :D

Great stuff, well written and I like the fluff bits. Your self-imposed quest for the 10 shards is quite cool, but luckily it looks like you're playing often enough you might find the other 9 shards before too long ;)

- Salvage

20-10-2007, 00:41
where are his Knights of the Realm???

arnt you meant to have a minimum of 1???

good stuff...

go the lizzies!

20-10-2007, 01:02
Great batreps. I've got nothing more to contribute, as I've never played as or against lizards, but I'm very much enjoying the read.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
20-10-2007, 02:35
where are his Knights of the Realm???

arnt you meant to have a minimum of 1???

good stuff...

go the lizzies!

He was using the Errantry War list from the Storm of Chaos book.

20-10-2007, 03:10
Cant wait for the next Battle.

20-10-2007, 04:57
He was using the Errantry War list from the Storm of Chaos book.

Rofl, i can remember reading that....

ha, i am a **** :rolleyes:

20-10-2007, 08:21
More posts ASAP plzkthxbye.

You have an simple and straightforward writing style, intermixed with humor, which I find very agreeable :) I laughed out loud at the Duracell comment during the third battle.

Lizardmen is one of my two armies and reading about the successes (and failures :) ) of other Lizard players is a boon to my own tactical knowledge as well a good read. Keep it up.

20-10-2007, 13:45
Great Br's there and well written!
You really need to get some more minis so you can use up all your points...

Battle 2: Not All That Glitters Is Gold
Skink Priest Tlacepotl- 2 dispel scrolls- 105

2 Dispel scrolls against Dwarves aint the best use of points you know! :D

Battle 3: In Cold Blood
while my Salamanders killed only a few Skeletons – and, for that matter, ate six of the handlers, though they thankfully passed their panic test.

Battle #4: When Rowdy Teenagers Attack

The Salamanders, meanwhile, opened fire on the nearest Errants....and proceeded to kill zero Knights and six of their own handlers. To add insult to injury, they panicked and fled towards the nearest board edge. Great. Just effin great.

Salamanders do not take panic tests from losing handlers, the only time you have to worry is when the last one dies and then you roll on the monster and handler table!

In light of this defeat, any advice on defeating Brets with Lizardmen (particularly skirmishy Lizardmen) would be appreciated.

Dont take saurus for starters! You need more skinks for starters, some as scouts to give you more time by march blocking, get the big hitting characters and Krox in their flanks and keep on going! Sallies not much good on knights, use them to take out bowmen instead, once you get your frog, you will enjoy great magic against bret, go for heavens and metal and watch them burn!

And one big thing I noticed in all your Reps was that you seem to fail a lot of LD tests, I also play LM and very rarely fail, you are using 3 dice aren't you?
You should be bucking the odds a lot more with that ability, if you are using three divce then i suggest you get a new set as these ones are not working, LM's LD is one of their best assets, use it well....

Keep up the good work and happy shard hunting!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
20-10-2007, 16:05
And one big thing I noticed in all your Reps was that you seem to fail a lot of LD tests, I also play LM and very rarely fail, you are using 3 dice aren't you?
You should be bucking the odds a lot more with that ability, if you are using three divce then i suggest you get a new set as these ones are not working, LM's LD is one of their best assets, use it well....

Keep up the good work and happy shard hunting!

Of course I roll 3d6 for cold-blooded. In case you haven't noticed, though, most of the units who continually fail are Ld5 Skinks (and even cold-bloodedness has its limitations with Ld5)

Anyway, it might be a while before the next batrep, due to me being bogged down by essays and exams and whatnot. Stay tuned, though!

22-10-2007, 12:41
And one big thing I noticed in all your Reps was that you seem to fail a lot of LD tests, I also play LM and very rarely fail, you are using 3 dice aren't you?
You should be bucking the odds a lot more with that ability, if you are using three divce then i suggest you get a new set as these ones are not working, LM's LD is one of their best assets, use it well....

I took my friend's 3000 point lizards out for a spin a couple weeks back, and was ready to bath in the joys of cold blooded leadership rolls. Then I managed to fail nearly every Ld check I had to make - many for skinks, but then for all the units they fled through, etc, etc. Went downhill from there, and then the 2nd gen had his temple guard block flank charged by a whole hell of 4+ ward save bloodletters :cries: :cries:

Looking forward to more reports, luck with legit writings :p

- Salvage

23-10-2007, 03:25
I took my friend's 3000 point lizards out for a spin a couple weeks back, and was ready to bath in the joys of cold blooded leadership rolls. Then I managed to fail nearly every Ld check I had to make - many for skinks, but then for all the units they fled through, etc, etc. Went downhill from there, and then the 2nd gen had his temple guard block flank charged by a whole hell of 4+ ward save bloodletters :cries: :cries:

Looking forward to more reports, luck with legit writings :p

- Salvage

Temple Guard are a massive pain. stubborne on a 3d6. they hardly ever fail and when they do its during the most annoying times.

even then Sauruses hardly ever fail. Cold BLooded is a really nasty rule, but totaly worth it.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
23-10-2007, 16:00
Battle 5: Master of the Dark Arts


After suffering heavy losses from the errant Bretonni, we have retreated further into the woods. After a wekk of continuous scouting and evasion, we have discovered that the region we are currently in has become a warzone, with numerous warmbloods battling against ever-increasing Undead forces. Somehow, the Undead are being draw to this area, and I suspect the Shards may have something to do with it.

Nearby, another Undead host has gathered, this time around a powerful vampire whose presence burns like a dark flame upon the winds of magic. Such a powerful being may very well be sustained by a Shard, so Ara-kor has ordered an assault upon this new Undead host. I only hope that Quetzl and Tepok shall protect us from the creature’s foul magics….

Hey everyone, here’s another battle report for your reading and enjoyment. This time around, the game was a 2250 pointer against—once again—Vampire Counts (Necrarchs this time). I decided to throw in the same list as last time, with a few modifications:

My list:

Scar-Leader Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Quetzl, Sotek & Tlazcotl- 262 pts
Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, shield, Cloak of Feathers, Sacred Spawning of Sotek- 139
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
15 Saurus- full command- 210
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235

TOTAL: 2195

As you can see, I gave my Oldblood the Tlazcotl mark, swapped a pair of scrolls for a Diadem of Power, and added another Scouting unit. It was a tough decision, trying to decide which Spawning to swap for Tlazcotl, but in the end I decided to remove the Tepok, since the Sotek was just too good for charging, etc, and I wanted to keep the Quetzl for fluff reasons.

My opponent’s list:

Necrarch Vampire Lord- barded nightmare, level 4, and …..a lot of bloodline powers
Necromancer- level 2, Book of Arkhan
Necromancer- level 2, Cursed Book
20 Skeletons- full command, light armour, shields
26 Zombies
20 Zombies
10 Zombies
5 Dire Wolves
5 Dire Wolves
9 Ghouls
5 Fell Bats
5 Fell Bats
10 Black Knights- full command, War Banner
2 Spirit Hosts

So, that would be a total of 10 power dice to my 4 dispel and 2 scrolls. A pretty tall order, but hopefully I’d be able to keep his magic at bay long enough to do some major damage.


The Vampires took the upper half while I took the lower. There was a large wood on the upper right corner, a house in the middle of the Vampire DZ, another house near the middle of mine and a hill on the center left of the battlefield. I deployed by weighting my left and centre, with a blowpiper unit in the centre screening my Oldblood, Stegadon and Saurus, another blowpiper unit on the right flank screening a unit of Kroxigor, and a unit of javelins on the left screening my other Kroxigor and Salamanders. My Terradons went behind my Saurus and left Krox, respectively, while my mages took up positions on the left and centre. The Undead, in turn, positioned all of their infantry and characters in the centre (with the Vampire riding in the Skeleton unit and the Necros taking shelter in the big Zombie unit right next to it), placed his Banshee, Ghouls, Hosts, and a unit of Wolves and Bats on his right flank (rather close to the big wood) and another unit each of Bats and Wolves, as well as his big Black Knights, on the left. Once his deployment was finished, I placed one unit of Scouts and Kaxaan in the wood, and another Scout unit behind the left-flank hill, just ahead of the rest of my right-flank forces.

The plan (at the time) was to advance forwards as quickly as possible, eliminate his Necromancers with Terradons, and smash his infantry and Vampire with my heavy-hitters (hopefully getting some flank charges from my Kroxigor). My right Kroxigor would deal with the Black Knights (aided my the Salamanders if necessary), and my Scouts on the right would deal with his peripherals. I was more than a little concerned about that Banshee, since its deployment left it out of Kaxaan’s LOS. Hopefully, my Scouts would last long enough to keep that Banshee under wraps (I was also hopeful that Kaxaan would put his Sword of Might to good use and kill off his right flank stuff before it could threaten me).


Winning the roll for first turn (holy crap, that’s the fifth time in a row I’ve been going first!), I proceeded to advance everything up. In the left and center, the Kroxigor, Stegadon and Oldblood advanced behind their nice Skink screens (with Ara-kor joining one of them), while the Salamanders edged further to the left to gain a nice fire corridor on any Black Knights or Fell Bats foolish enough to move into their firing range. Ahead of them, the leftmost Scouts ghosted forwards. This of course, left them in charge range and LOS of the Black Knights, but if they could divert those Undead nasties for a while, I’d be happy. On the right, the Scouts stayed where they were, the Krox advanced, and Kaxaan flew out from behind cover right in front of his Dire Wolves and Fell Bats. The plan was to make them charge him and chop them to bits with his shiny magic weapon (provided he survived, of course). The Terradons then moved up in front of the Skink screens, each one ready to charge the visible Necromancers on Turn 2. Tlacepotl moved into the slowly-trudging Saurus, and in the magic phase, Forked Lightning on the Spirit Hosts was dispelled, and that was that. Not a very impressive first turn, I must say.

In his turn, the Dire Wolves on his right charged Kaxaan…..who proceeded to fail his fear test, chicken out and flee, flapping his chicken wings and getting away. The Dire Wolves then overran into the Terradons, whom I fled with as well (rather foolishly on my part, since in retrospect, they could have taken the rotters on and won). Much to my severe irritation, the Dire Wolves THEN overran into my screen of blowpipers (“What do you mean they have Movement 9?”) whose stand and shoot reaction did absolultely nothing. Everything else moved forwards, with his infantry shuffling forwards, his right-flank peripherals edging up and his right-flank Bat Swarms zooming straight downwards. On the left, meanwhile, the Black Knights simply trudged forward a few inches, wary of my Kroxigor, and the other Fell Bats hovered behind them. The Necromancers then retreated to go hide in their bunkers, gesturing rudely at my Terradons as they did so. So much for my surgical strike idea. The left unit of Dire Wolves moved in front of my Kroxigor and angled so that if they charged, they would not overrun into the Black Knights, but, rather, would be open to a flank charge. Lovely.

In the magic phase, the Vampire cackled and cast Drain Life, which I promptly scrolled. One Necromancer could see my remaining Terradons and cast Gaze of Nagash. I promptly fluffed my dispel roll and lost 2 Terradons and a wound on the third. Wonderful. (Note: I couldn’t remember from where the Necros could see the Terradons from. Either way, though, I messed up when I removed my dead models and wound up with my remaining Terradon unable to draw LOS to the Necros) The Necros then cast an Invocation to raise a new unit, but I dispelled it. This, however left me open to a dastardly casting of Steal Soul which plucked a wound from poor Tlacepotl. Finally, he tried to read from his Book of Arkhan, but Ixcotl was having none of that and stopped it with his last scroll. Crap, it was Turn 1 and I was already regretting trading away my other 2 scrolls.

In the howling phase, the Banshee sang a high-pitched sonata that caused six of the right Scouts’ heads to explode and made the rest flee for the board edge. In close combat, the Dire Wolves munched through four blowpipers, broke the rest and ran them down, overrunning into my right unit of Kroxigor. All in all, a really crappy turn for me: my Terradons had either been beaten off or mostly killed, and my right flank was in danger of collapse already. Fan-frikkin-tastic.


At the start of my Turn 2, my fleeing Scouts showed me how brave they were by heroically and dashingly fleeing off the battlefield, although Kaxaan and the Terradons had the sense to rally (though at this stage they were back in my DZ, where they were absolutely useless). My Steg, Oldblood and Skink screen, realizing that the Undead infantry line would be charging next turn, shuffled back, while the stuff on my left flank also shuffled slightly, and my other Scout unit moved right next to the Black Knights (although this put them in LOS of the Fell Bats). My last Terradon from the decimated unit, meanwhile, flew behind the Necrobunker, and Tlacepotl, fearing that the Spirit Hosts would charge him next turn, left the Saurus to get out of their charge arc. Note that, for some odd reason, I still kept my Oldblood and Stegadon screened behind the blowpipers, unable to draw LOS and charge any of the Undead infantry. This, boys and girls, is called a brain fart.

My magic phase was once again uneventful, with Forked Lightning and Celestial Shield being dispelled again. In the shooting phase, my Scouts’ javelins failed to hurt the Fell Bats, and the lone Terradon missed the Zombies. And my Salamanders….were once again sitting back and waiting for his fast stuff to come into burninating range. On the plus side, my non-Scouting javelins and my screening blowpipes combined their fire to wipe out the left-flank Dire Wolves. Nice.

In close combat, the Dire Wolves failed to hurt the Kroxigor, and were crushed in return. Unfortunately, because they had been held up by the Wolves, my Krox were now about to be charged by the Spirit Hosts (déjà vu, anyone?).

In his turn, the right-flank Fell Bats charged my rallied Terradons, who held. Due to the long distance of the charge, only one Bat managed to get into base contact (phew!). The Spirit Hosts, meanwhile, charged my right-flank Kroxigor, and I decided to hold in order to prevent the Spirit Hosts from messing up the rest of my army. Finally, his left-flank Bats charged my last Terradon hovering behind the Necronbunker, who fled and narrowly avoided crashing into terrain. Everything else moved up: the Banshee and Ghouls loped towards the centre, the infantry continued their advance, and the Black Knights edged up a little more, still playing it safe against the Krox.

With that, the magic phase from hell commenced. Speaking dark words of power, the Necrarch cast a massive Drain Life spell which, sadly, I failed to dispel. I could only watch helplessly as the spell proceeded to kill Kaxaan, Tlacepotl (I shouldn’t have moved him from the Saurus), 2 Skinks from my right blowpipers, 4 of my non-scouting Javelin Skinks, the lone fleeing Terradon, 1 Saurus, and did one wound to my engaged Kroxigor and 2 wounds to my Stegadon. Holy, ****** crap. Thankfully, the Necromancer then miscast with Gaze of Nagash and ended the magic phase. Still, that was just plain brutal.

In the howling phase, the Banshee used her “Haha, I can scream at you even though you’re in combat” rule and targeted my engaged Kroxigor, killing one of the big lizards and wounding another. In close combat, the Spirits, thankfully, did no further damage, and combat was a draw. In the Bat-Terradon aerial battle, meanwhile, the lone Bat in combat fluffed its attacks. In return, I had 9 S4 attacks back…..and inflicted a single, measly wound. Wow, my Terradons just love to disappoint me at times. Combat was a draw, and the battle went on.


Having suffered quite a lot of casualties in the last magic phase, it finally dawned on me that I ought to unleash my Stegadon and Oldblood on his vampire’s unit. To this end, I moved my screening blowpipers out of the way, putting them in charge range of the Ghouls (if they got charged and destroyed, I wouldn’t be too bothered, since I could then simply charge the overrunning Ghouls and overrun myself into the Vampire’s Skellies). Elsewhere, my Kroxigor finally got tired of the waiting game and advanced onto the hill behind my non-scouthing Javs, while behind them, the Salamanders moved to the right to get into burninating range of the Zombies. On the upper-left corner, my remaining Scouts continued to slow down the Black Knights.

Magic was a non-entity at this point, so instead I went to shooting. My Salamanders proceeded to burn 6 Zombies from the smaller unit to ashes, while my Scouts hurled their javelins ineffectively at the Black Knights. To my surprise, though, the Stegadon then fired its giant bow at the Skeletons and proceeded to skewer four of them. After having the bow miss or fail to wound in so many previous games, I was overjoyed to see it do something for once. In close combat, the Spirit Hosts and Kroxigor once again fought a draw on the right flank, and in the aerial battle on my bottom right flank, the Terradons once again unleashed their 9 S4 attacks on the Fell Bats….and did a single wound, downing the damaged bogie. While I was contemplating whether or not I should burn my uncooperative dice, the Fell Bats promptly fluffed their own attacks, and combat was a draw once again.

In the Undead turn, the Ghouls predictably charged my blowpipers….who failed their fear test and fled when I would have much preferred them to hold. Picking up the dice, I prayed for a short flee move, but the Powers That Be were being complete jerks, and instead my blowpipers escaped the charge and wound up in front of the Skeletons, effectively blocking my Oldblood and Stegadon from charging. AAARGH! I’m surrounded by frikkin idiots! To make matters worse, I had quite misjudged the distance between my left-flank Kroxigor and the small Zombie unit, as it proceeded to charge my javelin Skinks, and, when they fled, overran into the Krox. I decided to hold, though, since my Krox would be striking first and hitting on 3s with 9 attacks. On the plus side, my fleeing javelineers didn’t panic the Kroxigor or the Salamanders as they fled through them.

Everything else continued to move up, with the unengaged Fell Bats flying up to threaten my Scouts, and the magic phase began. Once again, the Necrarch through four dice into Drain Life. Frantically, I tried to dispel it with every dice I had, but came short. In the ensuing magical holocaust, one Terradon, one Saurus, and one of the fleeing Skinks were killed, while Ixcotl, the zombie-fighting Krox and the Salamanders all took a wound each. It was then that I realized the colossal error I had just made: by using up all my dispel dice, I was left open to the Book of Arkhan, which propelled the Black Knights into my Kroxgor currently fighting the Zombies. The rest of the magic phase saw the Necromancers boosting the big Zombie unit by 5, and hurling an ineffectual Gaze of Nagash at my Stegadon.

In the howling phase, the Banshee sang another dreadfully high-pitched aria and screeched my Terradons into oblivion. Craptastic. In close combat, the Spirit Hosts and Krox once again fought a draw (by this point I was sure they were busy playing poker instead of actually fighting), while the Black Knights thundered into my other Kroxigor and killed off one of them. Striking back, the Kroxigor killed off three Zombies before breaking and being run down, with the Black Knights overrunning into my Salamanders. Now, I could have held, but I figured that my Salamanders would stand no chance against charging Black Knights, and so fled. Thanks to this example of tactical genius on my part, the Salamanders rolled short on their flee move and were run down by the rampaging Black Knights, who THEN contacted my fleeing Javelin Skinks and destroyed them as well. As an added bonus, Ixcotl promptly panicked and fled. So, all in all, I had lost four units in a single turn and was in danger of losing another two. Great. Just great.


With their LOS to the Vampire’s Skeletons blocked by those idiotic fleeing Skinks, the Oldblood and Stegadon did the next big thing and charged the big Zombie unit on the left of the Skellies. At the time, I was hoping that the Skellies would flank-charge my Oldblood and bring the vampire into GW bashing range. On the upper left-flank, meanwhile, I figured that javelins wouldn’t do that much damage to the Fell Bats, what with my string of pitiful luck, and decided to charge with my Scouts instead. And what happened? You guessed it, dear audience, a failed fear test. Elsewhere, Ixcotl repeated his performance from the last battle and fled the field screaming like a reptilian sissy. The fleeing blowpipe screen, however, rallied right in front of the hungry Vampire and his Skeletal buddies.

With no magic and no shooting, I went straight to combat, and found out that one of the nearby Necros in the bunker was toting the ever-so-predictable Cursed Book. Despite this, the Oldblood and Stegadon flattened 6 Zombies between them and crumbled another two. The Krox, meanwhile, lost a wound to the Spirit Hosts (who were upset at losing at poker), but held their ground.

In his turn, he charged the Skeletons into the recently-rallied blowpipers, who fled and were run down. This, however, left the Skeletons sitting right in front of my grinning Saurus. The Fell Bats, meanwhile, charged the Scouts, who, in an act of uncharacteristic bravery, held their ground. The rest of the Undead army manouvred, and it was magic time. The Book of Arkhan tried to charge the Black Knights into the Saurus’ flank, but this was dispelled. The Vampire then plucked a wound off of Ara-kor with Stead Soul, and used Drain Life to kill a Saurus and kill one of the engaged Kroxigor and wound another. The two Necromancers then turned their attentions to the big Zombie unit my Oldblood and Steg were fighting and, between them, replenished five of them. Finally, in the howling phase, the Banshee gave one final, high-pitched performance and exploded the head of my last Kroxigor.

In close combat, my Oldblood and Stegadon killed 7 Zombies and crumbled 2 more. The Fell Bats, meanwhile, rolled ridiculously well, ripping five of my Scouts to bite-sized shreds. In reply, my plucky Skinks killed off one of the Bats before breaking and being run down, like so many proud Skinks before them.


By this point, I had almost nothing left from my once-glorious army. Seeing the Skeletons right in front of them, the Saurus, quite happy for an opportunity to prove that they weren’t completely useless, charged in, and it was straight to the combat phase for me. The Saurus performed quite well, wounding the Vampire (though he had 5 wounds left due to Steal Soul) and crushing two Skeletons. In reply, the Vampire killed only one Saurus, and another Skelly crumbled. (YAY! My Saurus actually did something! Moral victory to me!) The Oldblood and Stegadon, meanwhile, this time killed only three Zombies, crumbling another. At this stage, though, I finally shook my head and forfeited. I had almost nothing left in my army: my Oldblood and Steg would be killing Zombies all day, and even if my Saurus did avoid getting flank charged by the Black Knights, I doubted they’d be able to hold out for long against a Vampire Lord in close combat.

Result: Loss. (Massacred 1-16)

Shards: 1

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
23-10-2007, 16:01
Thoughts: Eeuuugh, that was just plain horrific. I was all but wiped out, and all I had to show for it was two dead units of Wolves. Truly a massacre if there ever was one.

So, what excuses can I make about this battle? Absolutely none. The truth of the matter is that I lost because I played like a complete and utter idiot: keeping my hitty units screened by Skinks and unable to charge, putting my Krox into a position where they would be held up by Spirit Hosts, not burninating stuff with my Sallies from the get-go, stacking my units so that they would later flee through each other or else get all run down by the same unit, misjudging the enemy’s charge distances, etc etc etc. To sum it all up, I lost because I didn’t play on my army’s one big strength—the ability to dominate the movement phase. Instead, I wound up playing defensively and reacting to the enemy’s moves. All in all, complete idiocy on my part. The fact that I didn’t really have a coherent plan before the battle started also contributed to this disaster. Of course, I was also severely outgunned in the magic phase—that Necrarch was just plain nasty.

Looking back, I made a few deployment errors: my Oldblood would have been better off on the right flank, where he would have been able to rip through those Dire Wolves, Bats and Ghouls like a hot knife and zoom forward to threaten the Necrobunker. The more I play skirmishy Lizards, the more I realize that coordination, more than anything else, is crucial—in this battle, my units were operating piecemeal rather than acting in concert, hence the reason why they were destroyed so easily. More than anything, I have to learn how to coordinate better –and, for that matter, deploy my forces better—if I want to have any sort of success with my Lizzies.

On a side note, I HATE BANSHEES! In this battle, it wasted no less than three of my units (two of which were in close combat!) At this point, the only way I can actually kill the damn thing is through static CR (yeah, like I’ll actually be able to charge the thing), or magicking it to death (which just won’t be happening against any army with potent magic defense). At this stage, I think my best bet would be to give Ara-kor a magic weapon and go Banshee hunting early on (though knowing my luck, my next VC opponent will probably be light on Banshees and heavy on Black Coaches).

Will LoNC ever escape from his losing streak? Or will he suffer another horrible massacre? And will the Banshee ever succeed in her singing career? Find out next time, same lizard-time, same lizard-channel!

23-10-2007, 16:21
Geez, that's one of the harshest battle reports I've ever read. Sounds like if I had your opponent's worst luck from that game in our previous game, then I'd have been laughing. It's lists like his that make me wonder why I both trying for balance, when the dice gods reward people for taking thw strongest, most no-holds barred lists that they can come up with. Shame that you didn't have your four scrolls for this game.

Here's a tip for you: use your Skink Chief as a mobile Banshee killer. With 4 S5 attacks on the charge, he should tear through her. You could even add Firefly Venom and an additional hand weapon for less than the cost of the Sword of Might, taking you up to 6 poison S4 attacks...

23-10-2007, 18:56
Another great report, if an utterly brutal beating of your lizards. Is that such a disgusting VC list? It's far from balanced or such, but it doesn't seem totally abusive. Or maybe I'm just naive and have to see 4 necros or vamp + 3 necros and multiple black knights to cry cheese ...

- Salvage

23-10-2007, 19:32
peraps you should go with a saurus heavy list next time?
all the skinks seem to do is run away...

Try to use your skinks to flank and tie-up your oponents units
while your sauruses Slowly charge the front.

Definatly make shure you space your units so the can't flee into each outher.

you might want to point all of you blowguns at that pesky banshee.
who knows you might get lucky?

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
23-10-2007, 21:57
Here's a tip for you: use your Skink Chief as a mobile Banshee killer. With 4 S5 attacks on the charge, he should tear through her. You could even add Firefly Venom and an additional hand weapon for less than the cost of the Sword of Might, taking you up to 6 poison S4 attacks...

I wanted to do just that, but unfortunately, my Chief started the game out of LOS of the Banshee. That meant I would have had to move into LOS and charge range and wait until my next turn to charge-- during the intervening period of which, the Banshee could easily have just screamed my poor Chief's brains to mush (and with LD6, that was very, very likely).

As for the Venom....I think both it and the Cloak of Feathers are enchanted items, so that's a no-go.

you might want to point all of you blowguns at that pesky banshee.
who knows you might get lucky?

Um...Banshees can only be harmed by magical attacks.

23-10-2007, 22:07
Ah yes, those silly enchanted items, so many nice combos (I think another opponent once used an illegal Flying Poison Chief to try and take out my Banshee, which would have worked if he hadn't fluffed his attacks, been wounded in return and run off like a little girl)...

Another great report, if an utterly brutal beating of your lizards. Is that such a disgusting VC list? It's far from balanced or such, but it doesn't seem totally abusive. Or maybe I'm just naive and have to see 4 necros or vamp + 3 necros and multiple black knights to cry cheese ...

Hold your horses, no-one has used the c-word! Personally I don't even see what's so wrong about having two units of Black Knights, although I hate lists with level 4 Lord + 2 Necros + 2 Books. No problem with the list in general overall, it's got a bit of everything (even infantry!), I think just reading how horrendous a beating LoNC took swayed my opinion against it a little ;)

23-10-2007, 23:55
Um...Banshees can only be harmed by magical attacks.
Those are some truly Evil Models :wtf::chrome::evilgrin::skull:

24-10-2007, 15:06
Ah yes, those silly enchanted items, so many nice combos (I think another opponent once used an illegal Flying Poison Chief to try and take out my Banshee, which would have worked if he hadn't fluffed his attacks, been wounded in return and run off like a little girl)...

I think that might have been me, never even seen that they were both enchanted weapons before, crap!
Have to make a few modifications to my FSOD.....

Good BR again, bad luck on the result, if you knew before hand that you were facing Necrarch, you should have kept the scrolls, that drain life hurt you big time!

25-10-2007, 09:58
I still think that Saurus are a good and usable unit. That said, you could do with some Saurus Cavalry. I know it's all money, but these guys are seriously hard, cause fear and can take out most things in the front, let alone if allowed to charge the flank or rear!
I've never played an Errantry army so I can give you little advice. Sorry.

26-10-2007, 18:03
These are great reports. Always a blast to read even though you took a beating, but that happens to everyone. Keep coming with those reports.

03-11-2007, 21:48
i personally like teaming up a carnosaur on one flank and a steggy on the other and have them meet in the middle of my opponents deployment zone, causing terror all the way, with 10 chameleons taking out artillery/archers. :D
perhaps you could try several blocks of saurus on a defensive strategy, like a dwarf player, hitting things with scouts and waiting for your opponent to come into range of nastly dinos.

oh, and nice reports. hopefully you get those shards soon!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
22-11-2007, 12:17
(Note: This is not necromancy. Mods, please don't ban!)

Just letting people know that LoNC's Lizards will be returning shortly! NEXT: Revenge of the Stunties, and a battle against a certain pointy-eared, pointy-hatted army!

22-11-2007, 22:15
good. i've been waiting with great anticipation for the next instalment. sooner the better (any chance of pictures?)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
23-11-2007, 16:39
good. i've been waiting with great anticipation for the next instalment. sooner the better (any chance of pictures?)

Sadly, no. (Not that I didn't try, though: heck, the simple addition of pictures might help readers to analyze my setup and tell me what I'm doing wrong)

23-11-2007, 18:20
most likely :D
no just without 'maps' or pictures it is more difficult to visulise the table (TV has killed my imagination...... :cries:)

23-11-2007, 18:53
Sadly, no. (Not that I didn't try, though: heck, the simple addition of pictures might help readers to analyze my setup and tell me what I'm doing wrong)

you could do crude illustrations in Paint. :D

23-11-2007, 21:29
LoNC: if you want it, here is a program for making maps

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
23-11-2007, 21:30
you could do crude illustrations in Paint. :D

I actually might be able to do that.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
01-12-2007, 02:36
Battle 6: Revenge of the Beards


It has been several months since we first set out on our expedition across the World Pond. During that time, we have battles New Ones and Undead alike, and have reclaimed one of the lost shards. The other nine, however, still remain beyond our grasp.

But right now, our primary aim is survival: a host of Dwarfs is advancing upon us, and I have good reason to believe that they are kin to the thieves we slew so long ago. Though we may easily evade their slow and clumsy pursuit, there is also the chance that they may bear yet another shard. Hence, Ara-kor is leading us into battle once more….

Felgar Whiteaxe spat as he saw the lizard-things flitting among the trees in the distance. The murderers had clearly seen him and his host coming, and already, regiments of their larger creatures were arraying for battle. The Beasts of Lustira were impressive-looking foes, combining the size and brute bulk of an Orc with a predatory cunning in their eyes and scaly, spined hides that looked to be as hard as iron.

Let them stand before us, Felgar thought. We shall crush them like a hammer upon an anvil. Already, his kin were arrayed for battle, shouting oaths as they crashed their weapons upon their shields, while the artillery was busy being positioned on the adjacent hill. Today, they would have vengeance for the murder of his cousin Durkin and his host. Today, a grudge would be fulfilled.



And I’m reporting on another 1000-pt battle between everyone’s favourite Lizardmen, and yet more angry Dwarfs (different player this time). As I was emboldened by my last victory against the Dwarfs, I figured another battle against them couldn’t hurt (much).



Scar-Leader Ara-kor (Scar-Veteran)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Jaguar Charm, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Quetzl & Sotek- 178
Skink Priest Tlacepotl- level 2- 100
15 Saurus Warriors- 210
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins- 60
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Salamanders- 195



Thane- great weapon, Master Rune of Gromril
15 Longbeards- full command, shields, great weapons (??), Rune of Battle
20 Warriors- full command
10 Thunderers
10 Quarrellers
Bolt Thrower- Rune of Penetration, Engineer w. great weapon
Organ Gun



Note that this image is a little off: I think my Krox and Saurus were actually further to the left. Anyway, on to the battle….


Winning the roll for 1st turn (Yaaaaay!), I proceeded to move up with everything. My Salamanders skirted around the right flank towards the Quarrellers, my Scouts moved through cover towards his main battle line (hoping to annoy his Thunderers), and on the left flank, my Kroxigor and Saurus advanced behind a swift-moving screen of blowpipes, who were quickly joined by Ara-kor. I realized too late, though, that this left Tlacepotl out of LOS of any units, and I moved him up near the Saurus so that he could start unleashing comets on the Dwarfs next turn.

With no magic or shooting, I handed the turn over to the Dwarf player, who responded by moving his Longbeards up slightly; everything else stood still as he prepared to unleash all of his shootiness on my poor, poor, Lizards, who had never once lifted a finger to hurt him (those nasty, means Dwarfses!)

Ahem, sorry, where was I? Oh right, the shooting phase. His Thunderers opened up on my Skink screen, and, in an amazing display of Dwarfen accuracy, killed only one Skink (the one who, coincidentally, had lost the draw to hold up the unit’s big “shoot me” sign). So far so good, I thought, as I was taking minimal casualties. That was, until I remembered that units on a hill can target any enemy unit they want, even if they’re screened by another, non-monstrous unit. The Organ Gun opened up on my Kroxigor and did 2 wounds to them, though thankfully, the S7 bolt thrower wisely missed. With that unimpressive shooting phase out of the way, it was my turn.


Seeing tasty little Dwarfs lined up in charge range, Ara-kor gleefully ran out of the Skink screen and slammed into the Organ Gun crew. Everything else moved up, with the Scouts leaving their cover, the Salamanders moving into burninating range, and the meatshields advancing in front of the Kroxigor (with the Saurus lagging behind, as usual). Tlaceptol, hoping to get line of sight on those pesky Dwarfs, joined the Saurus, and that was that.

In the magic phase, Comet of Casandora was dispelled (lousy Dwarfen dispels), and it was on to the shooting phase. The Skinks were still out of range, so the Salamanders opened up with 12 hits and killed…..one Quarreller. Oh, and two Skink handlers. Wow. That was so bad it was impressive.

In close combat, Ara-kor predictably ripped the Organ Gun crew to shreds, and, seeing that the Bolt Thrower could simply swivel and target him next turn, overran off the board.

In his turn, the Dwarf player moved….absolutely nothing! (Dun dun dun!) Instead, he moved straight on to shooting. It was then that I realized that, in my movement phase, I had not only left the Kroxigor unscreened from the Thunderers, but also left their flank open to the Bolt Thrower. Both the Bolt Thrower and Thunderers opened fire, and when the smoke and dice cleared, the poor lizards had been utterly annihilated. To rub salt into my open wounds, my two Skink units then took fright at the destruction of the Krox and fled back. The Quarrellers, meanwhile, took some pot-shots at the Salamanders and wounded one of them.

All in all, a bad turn for me: half my army was already fleeing, and my big sledgehammer unit (meant for carving open those armoured Dwarfs) was now little more than a blackened patch of earth. Terrific.


In my turn, both Skink units, thankfully, rallied, and the Saurus continued their implacable advance. Ara-kor returned, advancing to the left of the Bolt Thrower, and that was that.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl tried to cast Second Sign…and promptly miscast. Thankfully, I rolled a 6, which meant that the Dwarf player could cast a spell of his own. After searching for a wizard in their ranks, however, the Dwarfs grudgingly admitted that they didn’t have any spellcasters, and with that the magic phase ended. In the Shooting phase, the Salamanders must have been irritated by the return fire that they had been getting, as this time they did things right and burned down 5 Quarrellers (oh, and ate another handler). The bearded gits, however, refused to flee.

In his turn, I realized that I had repeated the same mistake from last turn and left my Saurus’ flank open to the Bolt Thrower. In the ensuing shooting phase, a whopping 7 Saurus were either impaled or gunned down, though they passed their panic test with ease. Still, my remaining Saurus didn’t look like so much of a threat any more. In other news, the Quarrellers inflicted another wound on the Salamanders, and that was that.


Charge time! Ara-kor and the blowpiper Skinks both charged into the Bolt Thrower, while the Saurus (who still had Tlacepotl in the unit) thundered into the Thunderers (lolage). Much to my surprise, the Thunderers chose to flee (What? Fleeing Dwarfs? Blasphemy! Madness!) and the Saurus instead crashed into the Thunderers waiting behind them.

This left my Saurus in a pretty bad position: if they failed to break the Warriors (which, let’s face it, was likely), then the Thane and his Longbeards would be waiting to charge them in the flank next turn. Plus, the fact that I had forgotten to move Tlacepotl out of the unit meant that I would have 2 less S4 attacks on the charge (always a bad thing with Saurus, since you need as many attacks as possible with them). I hit in a very faint hope, though, when I saw the Bolt Thrower combat: if my Lizards could wipe out all of the Bolt Thrower crew in one go, then Ara-kor could overrun into the flank of the Warriors and lend a hand with his 5 S7 attacks. It was a long shot, and it still might not break the Warriors, but it could work….

In all other movement, the Scouts and Salamanders moved up, and shooting commenced. The Salamanders finally wiped out the Quarrellers. (with a whopping 8 unsaved wounds….why couldn’t they do that on turn 1?) And then it was crunch time: Ara-kor lunged in with his 5 attacks, and my heart lit up when he hit 4 times. That is, until I rolled a 1 to wound, which meant that his Engineer was still alive and kicking. The Skinks tried to kill him off, but the Dwarf shrugged off their feeble slaps, missed his return attacks, and held his ground. Stupid Dwarfs, not accepting the inevitable…

In the big combat, the Saurus crashed into the Dwarfs and crushed two of them (yaaay Saurus!). In reply, however, the Dwarfs managed to wound Tlacepotl in return. I had lost by 3, but my cold-blooded leadership would see me through, right? Right?

One failed leadership test later, my Saurus fled a measely 3 inches (ZOMGWTF?) and were mercilessly hacked down, along with Tlacepotl, by the avenging Dwarfs. Curses. Just…..curses.

In his turn, the triumphant Warriors charged my Scouts, who fled and, unlike the Saurus, escaped (See, Saurus, why couldn’t you have done THAT?) The Thunderers rallied (Boo! Hiss!) and the Longbeards turned and advanced towards the Bolt Thrower combat. Speaking of which, the Engineer issued a challenge to Ara-kor, and then once again obligingly missed with all of his attacks. Ara-kor took pity on him by only killing him once over.


With my Saurus gone, my chances of victory had just gotten a lot slimmer. If nothing else, I could at least aim for a draw now. With this in mind, Ara-kor zipped behind the recently rallied Thunderers to call them names behind their backs, while the blowpipers shuffled to do some damage to them with shooting. The Salamanders moved up to target either the Longbeards or the Thunderes. Oh yes, and the Scouts rallied.

In the magic phase, I cast--- oh, right, Tlacepotl’s dead. Never mind, everyone! False alarm!

In the shooting phase, the blowpipers targeted the Thunderers, and did absolutely nothing. Peeved, I unleashed the Salamanders on the Longbeards, and did….also….almost nothing. Well okay, I think they ate a few more handlers, so they technically did SOMETHING. But this was the second time in a row they had underachieved in this battle, and at this point I was angrily beginning to mutter things about “Salamander stew.”

In his turn, the Longbeards advanced on the blowpipers, turning to face Ara-kor as they did so. Oh yes, and the Warriors charged the Scouts, who once again fled. The Thunderers fired on the Salamanders, and killed one unfortunate handler. At least he died happy to have not been eaten.

Alright, move along, people, nothing to see here.


With an exuberant roar, Ara-kor charged the Thunderers in the rear, and, unlike the last time, they held. I had actually been debating whether to charge them or not, since if they had fled, then Ara-kor would crashed right into a ranked-up unit of Longbeards (who doubtlessly would have broken him and sent him running). My Scouts rallied, my other units shuffled around, and that was it.

In the shooting phase, the Salamanders must have taken my threats seriously, as thus time around they opened up on the Longbeards, and, together with the blowpipers, killed an impressive 7 of the Dwarfs! BOO YAH! How ya like them apples, Stunties?

In close combat, Ara-kor killed 3 Thunderers, who panicked, fled and were run down. Ara-kor wound up crashing into the Longbeards anyway (though if he hadn’t pursued, they still would have been able to charge him. Besides which, their casualties had denied them their rank bonuses now).

In the Dwarf turn, the Warriors had obviously gotten tired of chasing Scouts, as this turn they didn’t charge. All we had to do left was resolve the Scar-Vet/Longbeards combat. I was eager to claw some points back, and so I issued a challenge, and the Thane accepted. If I could kill his general, then I might be able to score a draw (or a minor win). Cue Epic Duel Music!™

With the force of a speeding comet, Ara-kor came hurtling towards the Dwarfs, his bronze armour and sword stained with the blood of the Thunderers. Enraged, Felgar strode to the front of his unit. “Stand back, my kin!” he roared. “This one’s mine!”

With a roar, Ara-kor hurtled into the Dwarf, his tooth-edged blade meeting the Dwarf’s silver axe with a tremendous crack of metal on metal. The Dwarf gritted his teeth as his ancient weapon was forced back by the Saurus’ tremendous strength, the barbed teeth of the Lizardman’s blade coming with inches of his face.

Snarling, Felgar summoned all of his strength and pushed the Saurus back, and swung out at him furiously. Ara-kor was a fast one, though, side-stepping the first blow and deflecting the second on his toothed greatsword. The Longbeards stood back, silent, as the two warriors engaged in a furious duel, sparks flying everywhere as sword and axe clashing again and again.

Then, to the horror of the assembled Dwarfs, a mighty swing from Ara-kor’s weapon swooped in, slammed home under the defending axe-head and wrenched Felgar’s weapon from his grip, sending it flying far to the side. The Thane didn’t even have time to defend himself before the Scar-Veteran reversed his swing and brought his mighty blade crashing down on him. Felgar was sent hurtling backwards in an explosion of blood, smashing through the assembled ranks of his clansdwarfs.

With a collective roar of rage, the Longbeards fell on Ara-kor. The Scar-Veteran desperately tried to fend them off, batting them away left and right with his greatsword. But the press of numbers was to great, and the Dwarfs had vengeance in their hearts. With a hiss of irritation, Ara-kor leapt backwards and broke into a retreat, easily outpacing the slow Dwarfs as he ran.

Ara-kor charged in, inflicted 3 hits…..and proceeded to roll snake eyes. The one hit that got through bypassed the Dwarf’s armour, but that damnable Thane was still alive. The Thane was obviously related to the Engineer, though, in that all of his return attacks missed. Still, Ara-kor had lost combat by 2. So what, I thought, cold-bloodedness will see him through….

One roll of 7 later, and Ara-kor shrieked like a little girl (because the Dwarf’s banner was so scary!) and ran screaming off the table. And with that, the game ended with me shouting that the dice had betrayed me.


THOUGHTS: I know this sounds like an obvious excuse, but…..AAAAARGH! THE DICE BETRAYED ME! GAAARAGHARGHFWRU-ahem.

Seriously, though, between the Salamanders killing absolutely nothing at times (that one shooting phase against the Longbeards will haunt me forever), my cold-blooded Saurus rolling like they had Goblin leadership, and my Scar-Veteran’s great weapon suffering a case of rubber bat syndrome, the dice rolls, more than anything else, were what killed my army. Not my tactical incompetence. Oh no.


Well, okay, I was an idiot for not moving Tlaceptol out of the Saurus (so what if the Dwarfs shot him? At the rate the battle was going, I should have skipped on magic altogether). That, and walking my Krox and then Saurus into an absolutely evil crossfire. In retrospect, maybe I should have charged Ara-kor into the Bolt Thrower first, and then the Organ Gun. Then again, the idea of leaving an Organ Gun with free reign in the shooting phase makes me cringe. Really, though, “move up and charge” was the only tactic I had in mind for the Saurus and Kroxigor, since the Dwarfs certainly weren’t going to come to me, being the campers that they were. In retrospect, maybe I should have tried moving the Krox through the treeline….

Anyone else have any tactical observations on hand? If so, then they would be appreciated.

01-12-2007, 03:24
Cursed dice must be of Dwarven manufacture...
Rotten stunty campers.

Just Tony
01-12-2007, 03:27
Do you have to pay extra for scout ability? Seems they would have been golden for you. Join them with the shaman, and come out to shoot the gunline, AND have line of sight for spells.

Some chameleon skinks prolly wouldn't be a bad bet, either

01-12-2007, 10:19
an unfortunate set back, LoNC, but these things have to be accounted for. thats what stegadons are for! oh, and i dont take magic against dwarves, tool up a skink chief instead and pair him up with the JSoD flying around. also, scout him, so he should be able to charge in the first turn.
another brilliant battle.
go Lizards!

02-12-2007, 10:06
Great read mate. Cant wait to see how things turn out!
I do have a few minor suggestions though... :angel:
Firstly, how well are your skinks with javelins working out for you? I generally go with all blowpipes, for the extra range. With the low strength you really need poison to wound, so having to hit on 6s isn't the end of the world anyway, and multiple shot is fun!
Secondly, if you're short of models and so end up a few points short, there are a few things you could try... 1) Giving saurus blessings... It'll make them special or even rare, but you have enough skinks for core. The blessing of Quetzl is especially fun. 2) Get a champion for your terradons. I know it's not the most sensible idea on first glance, but it does allow you to hunt necros in units, as the champion can challenge..... :evilgrin:

Anyway, great reports so far, and I hope to read more soon!
Oh and definately get some new dice, and some sort of mallet/hatchet for banshees should work nicely as well :p

03-12-2007, 12:47
Cursed dice must be of Dwarven manufacture...
Rotten stunty campers.
QFT :mad:

Another good report, glad to hear more on your lizards. I cringed when your krox and then your saurus were both skewered by the bolter, though I had to laugh when the sallies flopped so badly. They're always MVPs against me and usually take an enormous part of my army to kill, but when I use them they do nothing and die easy ...

Look forward to more exploits!

- Salvage

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
03-12-2007, 16:45
And Now For Something Completely Different: Pointy Ears vs. Pointy Ears!


The Eagle’s Talon docked in Marienburg on the twenty-fifth day of the Season of Rain (14th Somerzeit by the Imperial Calendar), and upon landing, we immediately advertised our services in case there were any potential contractors in that human city. Marienburg is always a favourite rest-stop for us, as there are numerous Asur merchants in that city, many of whom are distant friends and relatives of ours. Many of these Asur are sensible people who do not look down on us as shamed exiles (though some are openly distasteful of our mercenary profession). Indeed, today I met up with an old friend of mine, Atharis, and we talked and joked about the old times back in Ulthuan. He informed me that my family is still doing well, for which I am grateful.

But I stray off topic. During our re-stocking in Marienburg, we learned of an Asur cohort docked there, from Ulthuan, preparing for some unspecified campaign against an Orc tribe. Initially, Morien decided to avoid contact with them, judging that these Asur would not want to associate with exiled mercenaries. Fortune, however, had other ideas in store, as it wasn’t long before the cohort’s leader approached us in a tavern. The noble in charge—a swaggering Caledorian who was every bit as arrogant as the rest of his people – had heard of us and our exploits, and openly challenged us to a mock battle. His mages would weave spells to make battlefield situations more realistic, he said, and even cast illusions of injuries and deaths. He proposed that a bunch of rag-tag exiles could not possibly beat his glorious warhost.

Morien never earned his last name “Fireheart” for his calmness, and, incensed by the Caledorian’s rank insults (and his general dislike of Caledorians in the first place), he accepted. And so it was that later on, on the fields outside of Marienburg, our two forces prepared for battle….

Recently, I got the new High Elf rulebook, and because I’ve always wanted to try my hand at High Elves (particularly a certain themed army idea (http://z1.invisionfree.com/forums/Warhammer_Palace/index.php?showtopic=7481) I thought up a while back), I decided to take a small list for a spin. Coincidentally, my first opponent for my first game with High Elves was…(gasp!) another High Elf player! We both agreed that Speed of Asuryan would be negated in this game and that we would both strike at initiative order as normal. That said, we drew our forces up for battle:


Morien Fireheart (Noble)- great weapon, Armour of Caledor- 118
Ilitha (Mage) level 2, Jewel of Dusk, dispel scroll- 170
20 Spearmen- full command, War Banner- 225
10 Archers- 110
15 White Lions- full command, Lion Banner- 250
12 Swordmasters- 180
Tiranoc Chariot- 85
Tiranoc Chariot- 85
5 Shadow Warriors- 80
Repeater Bolt Thrower- 100
Great Eagle- 50

Total: 1453

I didn’t realize that I was under-points at the time. If I had, then I probably would have boosted the numbers of some of my regiments, and, more importantly, given my White Lions the Gem of Courage.

HIS LIST (from memory):

Mage- level 2, Seer Staff
Mage- level 2, dispel scroll, Silver Wand
Noble- BSB, barded steed, lance, heavy armour
20 Spearmen- full command
20 Spearmen- full command
10 White Lions
Tiranoc Chariot
5 Dragon Princes- full command, Banner of Ellyrion
Great Eagle
Repeater Bolt Throwers



Ilitha rolled on the Life table, hoping to get Howler Wind and/or Master of Wood. Instead, though, she got Master of Stone and the Rain Lord (which wasn’t too bad). The enemy mages rolled Commandment of Brass and Distillation of Molten Silver, and Wind of Death, Doom and Darkness, and Drain Life, respectively.


My Shadow Warriors and Eagle would slow his Dragon Princes down as much as possible, while my Swordmasters and right Chariot would be there to countercharge if need be. My main infantry line, meanwhile, would clash with his: I was actually looking forward to using my White Lions as an anvil to draw in multiple charges and then countercharge with Spearmen and/or Chariots.


For once, I did NOT get the first turn (maybe it’s a Lizardmen-only thing). The High Elves advanced with everything, moving their Spearmen units and Chariot up down the middle, their Eagle around the wood, and sent their Dragon Princes moving directly into the wood itself, ending 2 inches away from my Shadow Warriors. With these formalities out of the way, the High Elves then just went straight to the magic phase: the Metal Wizard managed to draw line of sight to my right chariot (DOH! My fault for leaving it exposed). Deciding that the Chariot would probably survive, I decided to let it through. Of course, that was BEFORE I remembered that Elven Chariots are T5, not T4 (shoddy Elven workmanship….) An insane number of hits later, my poor Chariot was little more than a misshapen, un-aesthetic lump of metal. Wow. Turn 1, and I’m already losing units.

His Death Mage then cast Wind of Death on my Great Eagle, whom I had also left within line of sight (double D’OH!). Ilitha tried to dispel, but failed, and the Eagle took a wound. The Repeater Bolt Thrower then trained its sights on the said Eagle and finished it off in a hail of bolts. (You monsters! I’m calling the Animal Rights Commission on you!)

Smarting from the loss of two units on Turn 1, I responded by advancing my own army: the White Lions and Spearmen moved up to meet the enemy infantry blocks, while the Swordmasters angled around to confront the Dragon Princes once they exited the wood. Speaking of the wood, my Shadow Warriors edged back, moving out of the 2 inch sight distance from the Dragon Princes while taunting them mercilessly (for no insults are as harsh and tear-inducing as the ones that the Nagarythians can throw out). Oh yes, and my remaining Chariot moved up to draw a charge from his Chariot, angling so that my pursuit wouldn’t crash through his own units.

The magic phase was a no-go, as the enemy Mages blocked off all of Ilitha’s spells (Those mean bullies, picking on a girl! And a blind girl at that!) Deciding to return the favour for my own dead Chariot, I targeted his own Chariot with my Archers and Repeater Bolt Thrower, and proceeded to take 3 wounds off of it. The Shadow Warriors, meanwhile, were at the edge of the wood and could draw line of sight to his rightmost Spearmen. Sadly, however, they missed. (They simply aren’t as good at shooting people as they are at taunting them)


Deciding it was better to smash stuff than to sit back and get shot, his Chariot charged my own. I fled with my Chariot, and proceeded to watch as my Chariot….ran…off…the board….like a sissy Skink unit. Rats. Oh well, at least his own Chariot was still out in the open. His infantry crept forwards slowly, wary of my White Lions, while his Dragon Princes once again moved within 2” of the Shadow Warriors. The Eagle, meanwhile, skirted around the wood, landing just in front of my RBT.

In the magic phase, the Metal Mage once again tried to cast Distillation, only to miscast, drop boiling silver all over himself, and leave himself very badly burned. (To quote a certain Simpsons character: HAW HAW!) The Death Mage tried to make up for the Metal Mage’s incompetence, but Ilitha was having none of that and dispelled it. In the shooting phase, his RBT decided to be mean and targeted my poor Swordmasters, killing 3 of them.

In my turn, Ilitha’s Spearmen charged the Chariot, who fled. In the meantime, Morien and his White Lions moved up right in front of the two Spearmen units and enemy White Lions. I figured that my stubborn warriors could take a charge, dish out plenty of damage back, and leave a few units pinned in combat long enough for my own Spearmen to charge them in the flank or rear. Meanwhile, the Swordmasters angled to counter-charge the Dragon Princes (whom my Shadow Warriors kept taunting) and that was that).

The magic phase was a no-go once again (stupid male mages and their bullying of poor Ilitha). In the shooting phase, my Archers opened up on the fleeing Chariot and destroyed it. Thus far, I was actually liking the longer range and superior accuracy of High Elf firepower. The Shadow Warriors opened up on the enemy Great Eagle, but only took 1 wound off of it, forcing me to fire my RBT at it to finish it off.

With that, all I had to do now was whether the enemy charges….


Predictably, my Dragon Princes charged the Shadow Warriors, who held. Much to my chagrin, however, my opponent wasn’t taking the White Lion bait: instead he arranged his Spearmen units and White Lions in a semicircle, so that if I charge 1 unit, he’d flee and leave me open to be charged by the other two. Curses. That was it for his movement, however: now it was time for the magic phase.

His Metal Mage, having quite forgotten how to distil silver as per his unfortunate miscast, instead cast Commandment of Brass on my RBT. Sadly, my attempts to dispel failed, so my artillery would be silenced for a round while my crewmen tried to find the spare, non-brassified bolts. The Death Mage then tried to cast Steal Soul, but Ilitha countered that with a dispel scroll. In the shooting phase, his RBT once again targeted my Swordmasters….and either missed or failed to wound. Either way, my Swordmasters were high-fiving each other for having survived this turn.

In close combat, the Dragon Princes and BSB did what they did best and annihilated my poor Shadow Warriors (though as they were wiped out, they mercilessly taunted the poncey horsemen one last time). The Dragon Princes chose not to overrun, which was fine by me—this way, my Swordmasters could now charge them.

In my turn, the Swordmasters launched themselves in a charge against his Princes and BSB—only to watch as they chickened out and fled through the wood (at which point I realized that they had the Banner of Ellyrion). My White Lions, meanwhile, charged his White Lions, who ALSO fled through the wood, leaving my Lions’ flank open to two Spearman units. Still, I figured, I was stubborn: I could survive. Ilitha’s Spearmen moved up to support the White Lions when they were inevitably charged, and that was that.

Magic was once again dispelled, so it was on to shooting. The RBT couldn’t shoot, so the Archers compensated by targeting the rightmost Spearmen, hitting maybe 6 or 7 times….and killing 1 measly Spearmen. Crikey.


With yell of “lets get those mercenary bastiches,” the Spearmen and Death Mage charged my White Lions in the flank (and naturally, they held). The other Spearmen turned to face Ilitha and her posse, and the fleeing White Lions and Dragon Princes rallied. If I could just keep his magic under wraps, I’d be fine.

Note the word “if.” His Metal Mage got the ball rolling by once again casting Commandment of Brass on my RBT. I once again threw all of my dispel dice into stopping it, and I once again failed. It was then, however, that my opponent revealed his sneaky plan: with no dispel dice to oppose him, his Death Mage cast Doom and Darkness on my White Lions. I had a sinking feeling in my gut (or maybe it was that sandwich I ate for lunch) when I was informed that my White Lions were now at –3 to their leadership.

In the shooting phase, the RBT brought down another 3 of my poor, exposed Swordmasters. Finally, it was time for close combat: the charging Spearmen killed 2 White Lions, though the White Lions weren’t going to be outdone by a bunch of pointy-hatted geeks, and hacked down 2 of them in return. Still, I had lost be a lot. If I could only roll a 6 on my leadership test…..

“7,” said the dice.

“Boo!” said the Death Mage.

“EEEEK!” said the White Lions.

“5,” said the flee roll, before the aforementioned White Lions (and Morien) were run down by the Spearmen.

“Lol,” said the Mage.


The moral of this story: don’t underestimate morbid, gothy Elves. They really are scarier than they look.

In my turn, Ilitha, mightily enraged by her brother’s defeat, led her Spearmen in a charge against the Metal Wizard and his leftmost Spearmen, only to watch as they turned and fled out of harm’s reach. (“Cowardly Elves! By the beards of our ancestors, we will be avenged! Wait, wrong race….)

With almost nothing left to do, it was time for the magic phase. Ilitha must have been pissed indeed, for she proceeded to cast Master of Stone on the RBT with irresistible force (which just comes to show, when you bully someone, they inevitably snap). Sadly, only 1 RBT crewman was KO’ed by the flying rocks, so that RBT would still be operational. Rats.

In the shooting phase, the Archers plinked off another of the rightmost Spearmen. Yeah, like that was going to make much difference now.


Sensing victory, my opponent declared his charges. His White Lions charged my Swordmasters, but fell short. Not one to be discouraged, he charged my Archers with his Death Mage’s Spearmen, forcing them to flee off the board. (I'm now pretty sure that that Death Mage must have been really, really ugly if he could scare off both the White Lions and the Archers) Meanwhile, his Dragon Princes came riding out of the wood and angled to charge my Swordmasters in the flank next turn. Wonderful. Oh yes, and his Metal Mage’s unit rallied.

In the magic phase, he failed to cast Commandment of Brass. His Death Mage then cast Drain Life: remembering how deadly this spell had been against my Lizardmen, I threw everything I had into stopping it, but failed, though the spell only claimed one Swordmaster and one RBT crewman. His RBT then fired at my Swordmasters and killed another one, leaving only 4 left. Wow. Wonderful.

In my turn, my depleted Swordmasters launched themselves into one last, glorious charge against the White Lions. My Spearmen shuffled for a bit, and that was it.

Magic was once again dispelled, so it was on to shooting. My RBT could actually shoot this turn, and it had line of sight to his Dragon Princes. I unleashed a volley, and watched with satisfaction as 3 of the arrogant Knights were felled. Sadly, however, they passed their panic test, but this still meant that I would claim points for reducing them to half strength.

Then came the combat phase: my Swordmasters unleashed 8 attacks on the White Lions, hitting on 3s and wounding on 2s…..and killed only 2 of them. As I lamented the fact that the dice were once again betraying me, the White Lions struck back and killed only 1 Swordmaster. Despite losing combat, the 3 remaining Swordmasters held the ground, deciding that they were just too badass to flee.

I, however, didn’t share their sentiments: with almost nothing left of my army, and his Spearmen and Dragon Princes ready to charge next turn, I threw in the towel.


Wait, sorry, I mean…


Much better.

At the end of the day, it was clear that the cohort from Ulthuan had won the battle. The Caledorian openly gloated, proclaiming that it was for the better that such a pathetic warhost had left Ulthuan. Many of us were outraged by the Caledorian’s words, but were kept from resorting to acts of violence by Morien himself, who told us to just accept our defeat and let it go. It was easy to see, however, just by looking at Morien’s face, that he dearly wished to silence that Caledorian’s mockery with his fists.

What is done is done, however. The warhost has just left to fight the Orc tribes, and we are still waiting for a contractor here in Marienburg. My only hope is that the men have not been left too demoralized by this defeat: to be beaten in a mock battle by other Asur would suggest to them that they have lost their touch since they left Ulthuan. I hope that we will have an enemy to fight soon, for then we will have a chance to amend our defeat.

THOUGHTS: Well, I’m actually not too disappointed, since I was pretty much expecting to lose: I was fighting with High Elves for the first time, and I was up against an experienced High Elf player, so I was seriously disadvantaged from the get go. Plus, my opponent was a great guy, and helped point out a few of my mistakes after the battle. All I can say about this game is that I lost because I was out-magicked: those crucial castings of Commandment of Brass, and, more importantly, Doom and Darkness, were what cost me the game. Well, leaving my Chariot and Great Eagle in LOS didn’t help much, either.

My learning points from this game:
-Everything in the HE army is incredibly fragile (even the Chariots!)
-Leadership is everything with High Elves. I’m actually thinking that in future games, I should use a BSB instead of a General Noble: if I had indeed used a BSB, then my White Lions could have actually stuck around in close combat instead of getting scared off via Doom and Darkness
-High Elf firepower is FUN! After using Skinks for so long, it was an enjoyable experience using firepower that had a much longer range and actually hit on 3s. Not nearly as good as Salamanders, but still pretty damn useful.
-More mages! With Lizardmen in 1000-1500 pt games, I can rely on marks of Tepok to boost my dispel dice, or else just let spells hit expendable units like Skinks. High Elves, however, don’t have any cheap means of boosting their dispel dice, nor are any of their units expendable. A second mage would go a long way in both boosting my dispel power and actually letting me cast some offensive spells of my own.

Anyway, stay tuned: next game, LoNC’s Lizards are back in action, with more pointy-ears to fight!

03-12-2007, 18:36
a nice change of flavour, but I'm still keen on the exploits of your lizzies.
("Bastiches" indeed, that gave me Lobo flashbacks)

as always good stuff, and another amusing read

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
16-12-2007, 01:41
Battle 7: Into the Woods


After we narrowly escaped the vengeance of the Dwarfs, my visions drew us further east, towards the forest which the Elves refer to as Athel Loren. From what I have been able to ascertain, the Elves were once populous on the main continent, but a conflict with the Dwarfs forced them to flee across the World Pond back to their homeland. Only this small community of Elves remains on the main continent, and they have since allied themselves with local Tree Spirits-- bizarre, unnatural creatures who do not seem to exist in accordance with the plans of the Old Ones.

It is clear, however, that the next shard of the Eye is in this forest, though I suspect that the Elves and their Tree Spirit allies may not take too kindly to our intrusion. For this reason, I have summoned for a relic back from Ux-Mal—a blade said to have been created by the Old One Chotec. It is written in the annals of Ux-Mal that, during the time of the Fall, the jungle trees surrounding the city were warped by Chaos, and that this blade was use to destroy the abominations. Though Ara-kor remembers it not, it was he who first wielded this blade, and so I have given it to him again to use against the Tree Spirits of Athel Loren.

For my next battle, I found myself up against a Wood Elf army. Now, I had never fought Wood Elves before, but from what I have read in tournament reports, they are one of the most lethal armies out there, so naturally, alarm bells went off in my head. I was up against an army that was just as fast as mine, caused lots of fear (nasty for my poor Ld5 troops) and could potentially defeat me in combat, magic and shooting. So, bracing myself, I nonetheless accepted the Elf player’s challenge and began to pray to whatever dark gods would listen…


(Note: Though I usually just use a standard, all-comers list, for this battle I decided to make one minor tweak to my list—namely giving my Oldblood the Tree-Burning Blade of Chotec.)

Ara-kor (Oldblood)- Burning Blade of Chotec, Enchanted Shield, light armour, Aura of Quetzl, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Tlazcotl, Tepok & Quetzl- 288
Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, shield, Cloak of Feathers, Sacred Spawning of Sotek- 139
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, Diadem of Power- 135
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235

TOTAL: 1950


Noble- Wardancer Kindred, Blades of Loec
Noble- Alter Kindred, Hail of Doom Arrow, great weapon, light armour, shield
Branchwraith- Annoyance of Netlings, Cluster of Radiants
Spellsinger- Calingor’s Staff, dispel scroll
10 Glade Guard
10 Glade Guard
8 Dryads
8 Dryads
8 Dryads
7 Wardancers
6 Wild Riders- musician
4 Warhawk Riders
3 Treekin
1 Treeman




My faster stuff like the Terradons would deal with his Glade Guard, while my Oldblood would munch his way through anything that looked vaguely like a tree (Today he would be on a vegetarian diet). My Krox and Stegadons would deal with the lighter stuff like Wardancers and Dryads, and my Skinks, as usual, would make an annoyance of themselves.


The Lizardmen of Ux-Mal began their advance swiftly. On the left flank, a screen of javelin-armed Scouts sprinted forwards ahead of the lumbering Stegadon and Kroxigor, while the Terradons swooped over the forest canopy and landed just ahead of the Skinks, hoping to tempt the Dryads up ahead (or possibly even the Treeman) into a charge so that the Kroxigor would be able to crush them with their axes. In the center, a group of blowpipers skirted towards the woods on the right flank, leaving the Salamanders, along with the two Skink Priests, to advance up the center towards the distant Glade Guard. On the right flank, the Scouts shuffled, while Kaxaan edged close to the edge of the woods so that he would be able to fly at the Glade Guard once the enemy’s fast cavalry and Skirmishers were diverted elsewhere. Another unit of Kroxigor lumberered up near the woods, the right-flank Terradons flew to the rightmost edge of the wood, and Ara-kor himself advanced within cover of the trees.

Calling on the Winds of Magic, Tlacepotl managed to cast a Celestial Shield on the Salamanders, which the enemy mages made no effort to dispel.

In response, the Wild Riders rode around the right flank, eager to hit the Lizardmen from where they were weakest, while the Alter Noble, moving with the speed of a predatory wolf, zipped through the woods to gain line of sight to the right-flank Kroxigor. Warhawk Riders, Dryads and Wardancers all moved down through the wood, while the lumbering Treekin stayed just outside the wood’s edge. In the center, the Glade Guard held their position, while on the left, Dryads and the Treemen all edged cautiously towards the approaching enemy.

Raising their voices, the Asrai spellcasters began a great Treesong. One of their songs got through, as Ara-kor was suddenly attacked by the wood he stood in, a branch impaling him through the chest and drawing blood. Elsewhere, the Alter Noble drew back his bow and unleashed a Hail of Doom Arrow upon the Kroxigor. The arrow split into hundreds of smaller arrows, but, much to the Noble’s chagrin, only one of those arrows pierced a Kroxigor’s scaly hide. The Warhawk Riders added their fire, but had even less luck than the noble, and failed to hurt any of the Skinks screening the Kroxigor. On the right flank, the Glade Guard loosed their bows on the Terradons and brought down two of the winged beasts, while leaving the third badly wounded, but the last rider refused to flee. On the left flank, the Glade Guard trained their bows on the javelin-armed Skinks confronting the Dryads and Treeman and killed 4 of them, while the Treeman unleashed its hidden roots and impaled 2 more, though like the last Terradon rider, the remaining Skinks stubbornly refused to flee.


Seeing the Warhawk Riders just ahead of them, the right-flank Kroxigor bellowed and charged through the startled blowpipe Skinks, only to watch as the Warhawks fled to safety. The sole remaining Terradon rider, seeing the Alter Noble exposed, charged him, while the left-flank Kroxigor hefted their great weapons and, charging through the remaining javelin Skinks, slammed into the Treeman, ignoring its terrifying aspect. The Stegadon edged forwards slightly, ready to confront the Dryads and Treeman in the event that either should break through the Skinks or Treeman, while in the center, the Salamanders moved up within burning range of the Glade Guard. On the right, Kaxaan activated his Cloak of Feathers and flew far to the right, landing behind the second unit of Glade Guard, while the Scouts, seeing the wood now swarming with Dryads, Wardancers and Wild Riders, moved towards the edge of the wood to target the Wild Riders. Finally, Ara-kor moved forwards so that he could confront the Treekin later on, and the other unit of Terradons flew over the intervening wood to land behind the middle Glade Guard regiment and their accompanying Spellsinger.

Both Tlacepotl and Ixcotl tried to cast spells, but the Asrai mages blocked all of their attempts. The Salamanders let loose with a great gout of flame on the Spellsinger’s Glade Guard, incinerating 4 of them, though one Salamander turned and ate 2 handlers instead of spraying flame. The Scouts hurled their javelins and unhorsed two Wild Riders, while on the left flank, the Skinks hurled their javelins at the Dryads, but failed to do any damage.

The Krox crashed into the Treeman with the force of an avalanche, but although they hammered at it again and again with their bronze weapons, only one blow pierced its ancient oaken hide. In response, the Treeman ripped one Kroxigor in half and badly injured another, but the scaly beasts held their ground. Meanwhile, the Terradon swooped down on the Alter Noble, but failed to hurt it, while the Noble couldn’t quite land a killing blow on the Terradon either.

In response, the Warhawks rallied, and on the left flank, one group of Dryads charged the Skinks, losing one of their number to a hastily-thrown javelin, while the Branchwraith and her kin flank-charged the Kroxigor fighting the Treeman. In the forest, on the right flank, another group of Dryads charged the Scouts, who tried to flee, but fell short and were ripped limb from limb by the vengeful tree spirits, and the Wild Riders, whooping in exhilaration, charged the last Terradon fighting the Alter Noble.

While more of the Wood Elven skirmishers milled about in the big wood, the Glade Guard on the right turned around to face the lone Skink Chief behind them. The Spellsinger, Dryad and the Treeman all lent their voices to Treesinging, but all of their efforts were thwarted (with one song even drawing out a dispel scroll). The only spell that got through was targeted against Ara-kor, whose tough scales this time repelled the lashing tree-roots.

The Glade Guard in the middle turned their bows on the right-flank Kroxigor, but failed to hurt them. On the right, however, the other Glade Guard had more success and riddled Kaxaan with arrows, dropping him. In close combat, the Wild Riders charged in to the Alter Noble's aid and skewered the Terradon fighting him, before overunning into a javelin-wielding Skink unit, who fled. Meanwhile, the Dryads and their Branchwraith, along with the Treeman, ripped apart another Kroxigor and dealt two grievous wounds to another. The last Kroxigor missed with all of its return attacks, broke, and fled, only to run right into the middle Glade Guard and fall to their massed knives. The other group of Dryads, meanwhile, ripped their Skink opponents to shreds before overrunning into the flank of the Stegadon.


Seeing the Treekin dead ahead of him, Ara-kor roared and charged them, while the Terradons screeched and charged the Glade Guard from behind. Elsewhere, the unit of Skinks that had been forced to flee by the Wild Riders fled the battlefield entirely, leaving just one unit of Skinks alone on that section of the field. The right-flank Kroxigor manouvred to face the incoming Dryads in the woods.

The Skink Priests tried to bring the heavens crashing down on the Asrai, but once again found their efforts thwarted-- Tlacepotl, while trying to cast Forked Lightning, miscast and injured himself severely. The blowpipe Skinks, meanwhile, turned their weapons on the Wild Riders and killed 2 of them. In combat, the Terradons tore down two Glade Guard, but lost one of their number in return to the Elven knives, and hit-and-ran out of combat. Ara-kor, meanwhile, swung his burning blade and inflicted a deep, flaming wound on the nearest Treekin. Unable to hurt the durable Saurus in return, the Treekin, fearful of the Scar-Leader’s burning weapon, tried to flee, but were hacked down by the swift-footed Ara-kor as they ran.

The Dryads, meanwhile, lashed out with clawed branches and managed to score a wound on the Stegadon. Roaring in rage, the great beast stomped three Dryads down in reply, while the Skinks in the howdah stabbed down another with their javelins, but the tree-spirits held their ground.

Seeing the blowpipers just ahead of him, the Alter Noble gave a great cry, turned into a wolf, and charged them. The Blowpipers were ready, however, and let loose a great volley of darts that riddled the incoming Noble, killing him instantly. The Warhawks, meanwhile, overcame their fear and charged the Salamanders, while in the big wood, the third unit of Dryads shrieked and charged the right-flank unit of Kroxigor. Finally, uttering a great bellow, the Treeman stomped over the fallen bodies of the Kroxigor it had slain and charged into the already-embatttled Stegadon. The middle Glade Guard, meanwhile, turned around to face the Terradons in case they tried to charge them again.

Once again, the Skink Priests thwarted the Asria's attempts as Treesinging. The rightmost unit of Glade Guard, having manouvred slightly around the wood, unleashed a massive volley of arrows on the blowpiper Skinks and killed an impressive seven of them. Despite this carnage, however, the remaining three Skinks held their ground, knowing that they still had a duty to perform.

Shrieking, the Dryads crashed into the Kroxigor, wooden talons slashing against their hard scales. One Kroxigor was wounded, but in reply, he and his kin lashed out savagely with their heavy bronze weapons and smashed four of the Dryads to paste. Shocked, the Dryads turned and fled, easily escaping the lumbering beasts. Elsewhere, the Warhawks and their riders managed to kill one Salamander with their spears and claws, though another Salamander struck back and bit a Warhawk's leg off. The Salamanders refused to flee, and so the Warhawks turned and flew out of combat.

In the big melee on the left flank, the Treeman smashed into the Stegadon with its heavy limbs, inflicting two bone-crushing injuries on the mighty lizard. Roaring in defiance, the Stegadon crushed and gored another two Dryads, and stubbornly refused to run.


Seeing the Treeman fighting the Stegadon in the distance, Ara-kor roared and charged in to help, moving with unnatural speed as he ran at the Treeman. Elsewhere, the Kroxigor stamped through the woods and charged the Dryads they had just beaten, but the Tree Spirits continued to flee out of their reach. The Terradons, meanwhile, once again charged the Glade Guard, who stood and shot, wounding one of the flying reptiles as it charged in.

Once again, the two Skink Priests tried to unleash their magic against the Asrai, and once again, their efforts were thwarted. The Salamanders, however, at the goading of their handlers, unleashed gouts of flame at the Warhawks who had previously charged them. Three of the hawks were burned to a crisp, along with their riders, and the last one cried out in panic and fled. The remaining blowpipers, meanwhile, fired on the Wild Riders, but all of their shots missed.

With predatory shrieks, the Terradons swooped down on the Glade Guard, killing one and wounding the Spellsinger. In reply, however, the Glade Guard managed to kill the wounded Terradon, and combat was drawn. Ara-kor, meanwhile, barreled into the Treeman at high speed and slashed out with his burning blade, hitting the Treeman once, twice, three times. Within moments, the Treeman had been reduced to a burning hunk of wood by the Scar-Leader's enchanted blade. The last Dryad shrieked in rage at the death of the Treeman and clawed futilely at the Stegadon, before being stabbed down by the Skinks in the howdah. Eager to slay more enemies, Ara-kor continued his charge and slammed into the Branchwraith and her unit.

Eager to avenge their kin, the remaining Wild Riders charged the Salamanders, but misjudged the distance and fell short. Ignoring the Kroxigor lumbering past them, the Wardancers skipped out of the wood so that they could assault the Salamanders in future. Each and every Asrai knew that those scaly monsters could not be allowed to live, after seeing what they had done to the Warhawks. Elsewhere, the last Warhawk Rider rallied, as did the Dryads, and the right-flank Glade Guard continued to manouvre around the wood.

Once again, the treesong of the Asrai was nullified by Lizardmen anti-magic, though the Glade Guard did manage to kill one more blowpiper, though the Skinks once again refused to flee. In combat, the middle Glade Guard swarmed the last Terradon and slashed it down with their knives, ending the threat they posed once and for all. Meanwhile, as Ara-kor ran into the Dryads, the Branchwraith stepped forward and shrieked a challenge at him. Suddenly, Ara-kor found himself swarmed by gibbering Spites who wove enchanted spindles around his arms and weapons, restricting his movements. Shrugging off the blows the Branchwraith rained down on him, Ara-kor tried to strike back at her, but with his movements impeded, the Dryad easily danced out of the way of his clumsy blows. Despite this, Ara-kor held his ground, determined not to be undone by the trickery of these forest spirits.


Seeing Ara-kor in trouble, the crew of the Stegadon urged the beast forwards, and it roared as it crashed into the Branchwraith's Dryads. Elsewhere, the Kroxigor charged the rallied Dryads, smashing down trees left and right in their efforts to come to grips with their foes. The last two blowpipers manouvred in order try to shoot either the Wild Riders or the Wardancers.

Once again, the Lizardmen spellcasters fell short in their endeavours-- this time, it was Ixcotl's turn to miscast and injure himself. The blowpipers once again fired darts at the Wild Riders, and once again failed to kill any of them. The Salamanders, on the other hand, unleashed their flames upon the Wardancers, enveloping the entire unit in a mighty conflagration. When the flames cleared, the Wardancer Noble stood alone amidst the charred bodies of her kin, weeping bitter tears of rage at the loss of her entire unit.

The Stegadon's charge hit home with the force of a thunderbolt, sending the bodies of Dryads flying in the air in all directions. Two Dryads were killed in the beast's rampage, and the intervention of the monster caused the Branchwraith's concentration to lapse for one second-- enough time for the Netlings to weaken significantly. The enraged Ara-kor ripped the Spites off of him and slashed down at the Branchwraith, wounding her. This was too much for the Branchwraith, who gave a great howl and fled, followed by the lumbering Stegadon. Ara-kor held his ground, however, turning his gaze to the Glade Guard and Spellsinger in the middle of the battlefield.

Elsewhere, the Kroxigor once again lashed out with their bronze weapons and smashed one Dryad into pulp. The remaining three Dryads tried in vain to avenge their sister, only for their claws to rebound harmlessly off of the Kroxigor's scales. Despite this, they held their ground, shrieking in defiance.

Invoking the name of Kurnous, the Wild Riders charged the Salamanders, only to watch as they, along with their attendant priests, fled out of their reach. The Branchwraith and her kin, reaching the cover of a nearby forest, rallied, and the Wardancer Noble gracefully pirouetted back into the cover of the middle forest.

The frustrated Spellsinger once again tried to punish the foes of Athel Loren with her treesinging, and once again, failed to get past the Lizardmen's defences. Seeing Ara-kor looking hungrily at them, she and her remaining Glade Guard desperately fired their bows at him, only to watch as the arrows bounced harmlessly off of his thick scales. The other Glade Guard, however, had more success, finally wiping out the last two blowpipers in a hail of arrows.

In combat, the Dryads once again failed to harm the Kroxigor. In reply, bronze axes flashed in the sunlight, and all three Dryads were gruesomely hacked and crushed to death.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
16-12-2007, 01:41

With a predatory roar, Ara-kor charged the middle Glade Guard, who tried to flee. As swift as the Elves were, however, they were no match for the blessings of Huanchi, and all of the Asrai-- including the Spellsinger-- were hacked down by Ara-kor's burning blade as they fled. The Stegadon, meanwhile, roared and charged the rallied Branchwraith and her attendant Dryads, while the Salamanders, taking inspiration from the destruction Ara-kor was wreaking, rallied.

With the Spellsinger dead, the Skink Priests rejoiced in the fact that the Asrai's magical defences had been weakened, and set about punishing the Wood Elves with the wrath of the Old Ones. Tlacepotl summoned a mighty thunderbolt which crashed down from the heavens, electrocuting the last two Wild Riders. A great shadow passed over the battlefield, meanwhile, as Ixcotl summoned a comet down from the heavens to crush the Wood Elves.

The Stegadon's impact was tremendous, smashing another two Dryads into splinters of wood. The Branchwraith tried to summon Spites to help her, only to have the Stegadon's massive jaws clamp down on her, crushing her instantly and reducing her to a mangled mess of wood and sap. Shrieking in vengeance, however, the remaining Dryads swarmed the Stegadon, ripping away at its scales and flesh, tearing apart its Skink crew, and finally killing it. (NOTE: At this point we got into an argument over the Steg's remaining wounds, since the Dryads inflicted only one wound. I was pretty sure that the Steg had only suffered 3 wounds beforehand, while my opponent was dead certain that it was 4. I didn't want to get into a major debate over this, so I finally consented and removed the Stegadon as a casualty).

The heavens were rent apart as a massive, flaming comet came crashing down on the remaining unit of Glade Guard, hitting the earth like the fist of an angry god. Elves were thrown everywhere by the explosion, and six of them were killed, but the Asrai nonetheless held their ground. The Wardancer Noble, meanwhile, seeing Ara-kor ahead of her, gave a great, vengeful warcry as she leapt out of the wood and danced towards him. The remaining Warhawk Rider, too, was eager to avenge his kin, and flew his mount in a swooping charge towards the Salamanders.

The Wardancer Noble was a blur of slashing steel as she attacked Ara-kor, moving too fast for the cold-blooded lizard to react. Too late, a sword slashed past his defenses and buried itself in his chest. The Scar-Leader swayed for a bit, before collapsing, rendered unconscious by blood loss. The Warhawk Rider, however, had less success, failing to hurt any of the Salamanders. In return, the Warhawk took a deep wound from a Salamander's savage bite, and hit-and-ran out of combat.

And with that, darkness began to fall over the blood-soaked forest, and the two sides withdrew, leaving the field littered with the dead.

The battle with the Elves and their allies was a bloody one, with many losses suffered on both sides, before our respective warhosts were forced to withdraw by the coming darkness. Ara-kor survived, despite his injuries, and Kaxaan, too, recovered from the many arrow-wounds he had suffered.

Although our warhost suffered many losses, it satisfies me to know that their deaths were not in vain: I personally scoured the battlefield later that night, and found that my divinations had been correct. A shard of the Eye was found on the shredded body of the Elven mage, one that the foolish New One must have mistaken for a petty bauble. The warhost has since withdrawn from Athel Loren, though I have a feeling that the Wood Elves may seek vengeance on us at some point in the future.

Result: DRAW (16-15 in my favour)

Shards Recovered: 2

Thoughts: Holy crap, what a bloodbath! That might possibly have been one of the most fast-paced and brutal games of Warhammer I have ever played, and one of the most fun as well. The fact that most of our units were fast-moving and relatively fragile meant that combats didn't last long, and usually ended with one side either broken or completely destroyed.

That said, I'm quite pleased to end with a winning draw against the Wood Elves, given how fearful I was of them at the start of the battle. I've learned that if you can gain the upper hand if you manage to charge them, since so many of their more dangerous units (Tree Spirits, Wardancers, Wild Riders) are Immune to Psychology and therefore cannot flee. That said, my victory came down to me using the right units to counter my opponent's nastier stuff (Salamanders burning down the Wardancers, Steg and Kroxies munching through Dryads, Oldblood burning his way through the Treeman and Treekin, etc). It helped that I had some abnormal luck in this game: my Kroxigor made an incredible number of 5+ saves, and my Skinks and Salamanders passed so many Ld5 tests, it's downright ridiculous.

That said, I still made a few mistakes in this game. My 2nd-turn charge with the Kroxigor against the Treeman was a long shot, and in retrospect, I should have known that the big tree was just too tough for them to tackle. Similarly, a few crucial choices in turns 5 and 6 might have saved me a few points: if I had directed Tlacepotl's Thunderbolt against the Wardancer Noble instead of the Wild Riders, for example, then I would not only have gotten points for the Elven General, but would have saved points from Ara-kor's loss. Similarly, if I had pursued the Dryads with Ara-kor and ran them down, I would have saved for both my Oldblood and my Stegadon (which, by the way, I still find iffy as to whether or not it should have even been killed). In either case, however, I would also have been forsaking points from kills-- as I wouldn't have gotten points for the Spellsinger and both units of Glade Guard-- and the combined efforts of the Warhawk and Wild Riders might have been enough to break my Salamanders and net my opponent a huge number of points.

All in all, though, my first game against Wood Elves was an absolute blast, and I look forward to playing them again. As an added bonus, I got another shard! (Yes, I know, I originally said I'd only get shards from victories, not draws. Given how victory-less I've been lately, however, I've decided to extend the rule to winning draws. Besides, it's my own self-imposed rule, so THERE.)

MVP: My Oldblood was definitely the star of the game, single-handedly mowing through a unit of Treemen, a Treekin, and the Spellsinger and her Glade Guard. I must also give an honourable nod to my Skinks and Salamanders, however, as the sheer number of successful leadership tests they made was just downright astounding (especially those last 3 Skinks down on the bottom right corner of the map, who annoyed my opponent no end with their sheer refusal to run or to die).

Next: LoNC's Lizards take on yet more Elves-- this time of a slightly darker variety.

16-12-2007, 15:55
Wow what an amazingly brotal battle
may the old ones be with you fighting
the dark ones my fellow cold blood.

16-12-2007, 22:00
all i can say about this whole thread is WOW! Every batrep has been very exciting, tense, and at all the right times, humorous. Truly if would be great if there were threads like this, and written by someone like yourself (as in good writing style and all that stuff). Great reports. just one thing tho, i only hav 6th edition rulebook ATM, but when a unit is charged by a fearcauser, dont they just hit on 6's in 1st round or do they autoflee in 7th? other than that, great, great, amazing thread. and i cant wait for the next installation.

PS I <3 Ara-kor

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
17-12-2007, 01:02
all i can say about this whole thread is WOW! Every batrep has been very exciting, tense, and at all the right times, humorous. Truly if would be great if there were threads like this, and written by someone like yourself (as in good writing style and all that stuff). Great reports. just one thing tho, i only hav 6th edition rulebook ATM, but when a unit is charged by a fearcauser, dont they just hit on 6's in 1st round or do they autoflee in 7th? other than that, great, great, amazing thread. and i cant wait for the next installation.

PS I <3 Ara-kor

No, if a unit is charged by a fear-causing unit, they make a LD test first. If they fail, and the fear-causers outnumber them, then they automatically flee. If the enemy doesn't outnumber them, then they hold, but they can only hit on 6's.

17-12-2007, 09:27
what were ara-kor's stats in that game? he just muched everthing! also could you give an impression what his kit did?

17-12-2007, 09:56
he had jaguar talis, probably sotek and definately immune to phyc. Burning blade was referenced (and would have helped with the treeman, though personally i think against the lightly armoured, low T wood elves another option would have been better).

Nice battle. I hate elves.

17-12-2007, 13:49
This continues to be amongst the best series of battle reports I've read. By the way, for what it's worth I wholeheartedly support your "draw in your favour = victory" initiative.

17-12-2007, 15:46
Rocking batrep, was great to see Ara-Kor griiiiind through all those tree demons. Are branchwraiths not flammable too? And W2? I figured when Ara-Kor wounded her she would have burst into flames too, not run away to get stomped by the stegadon later ...

Looking forward to more elven death!

- Salvage

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
17-12-2007, 16:02
what were ara-kor's stats in that game? he just muched everthing! also could you give an impression what his kit did?

Being an Oldblood, he has strength 5, T5, 5 attacks and WS6. The combination of Enchanted Shield, scaly skin, Spawning of Quetzl and light armour gave him a 1+ armour save, and the Aura gave him a 4+ ward against strength 5 attacks or higher (though sadly, I failed the necessary roll to save him from the Wardancer's KB). The Jaguar Charm gave him movement 9/18, and the Burning Blade of Chotec conferred an additional -2 to the armour saves of his enemies and made his attacks flammable. Above all, his Spawning of Tlazcotl rendered him Immune to Psychology-- all for a very hefty 288 points (It was only by killing him, I think, that my opponent managed to land a draw).

This continues to be amongst the best series of battle reports I've read. By the way, for what it's worth I wholeheartedly support your "draw in your favour = victory" initiative.

Thank you.

Rocking batrep, was great to see Ara-Kor griiiiind through all those tree demons. Are branchwraiths not flammable too? And W2? I figured when Ara-Kor wounded her she would have burst into flames too, not run away to get stomped by the stegadon later ...

Looking forward to more elven death!

- Salvage

No, I asked my opponent, and Branchwraiths are not flammable. Only the Treekin and Treemen are.

17-12-2007, 16:59
For a while I thought you had them... one day the lizards will win : )

17-12-2007, 21:10
WHAT ALL THAT FOR ONLY 288pts!!!! my vamp lord weights in at 346!
i'm so not letting my brother have that combo (he's starting lizards for 2009 so reading your log is a great way for me to get the tactical.....edge over lizzies)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
19-12-2007, 22:39
Battle 8: Raiding the Raiders


Our warhost had no sooner exited the accursed forest of Athel Loren when, once again, battle thrust itself upon us. Our forwards scouts came retreating back to us, claiming to have been attacked by dark-clad Elven horsemen. After a few minutes of scrying, I quickly determined that there was a small raiding force approaching, one composed of the Elves who now inhabit the northern continent that the New Ones call 'Naggaroth.' Why these raiders were approaching Athel Loren instead of one of the numerous New One coastal settlements, I could not determine. Nonetheless, the arrival of these 'Dark Elves' put our warhost in a dire position, as we were surrounded with the raiders ahead of us and the vengeful Wood Elves behind us. Having suffered tremendous casualties in our previous battle, we could not afford to fight both hosts, and so Ara-kor, still healing from his wounds of the last battle, resolved to lead a breakout against the Dark Elves, who were themselves relatively few in number. If we attacked them quickly, he said, then we would have the advantage of surprise. With Quetzl's blessing, we would prevail and escape with our recently-attained shard.

My next battle wound up being against a Dark Elf player. Now, my battles against Dark Elves have always been inconclusive: in one battle, a Dragon and 4 RBTs inflicted heavy damage on my Saurus-based forces, but, in return, the rest of my army inflicted severe damage on his cavalry and chariots. In another battle, my DE opponent and I were evenly matched in mobility and firepower, and the battle was pretty fast-paced before we were forced to cancel it at turn 3. This game, however, would be played at 750 pts a side



Ara-kor- great weapon, light armour, shield, Glyph Necklace, Jaguar Charm, Spawnings of Quetzl & Sotek- 180
Tlacpotl- level 2- 100
10 Skinks- javelins- 60
10 Skinks- javelins- 60
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
1 Salamander Hunting Pack- 65

Total: 744


Noble- Cold One Chariot, halberd, Lifetaker, Blood Armour
5 Dark Riders- repeater crossbows
5 Dark Riders- repeater crossbows
10 Witch Elves- full command
Repeater Bolt Thrower

(I was surprised that the DE player had so few troops, even at 750 points. On the other hand, however, I was relieved that I would not be facing any spellcasters on his side, given my lack of scrolls or magic defence)


In the middle-left of the map sat a big pyramid (which, we shall assume, was a Wood Elf pyramid. Or an Empire one. Very rare, those), while on the right-hand side of the map sat a pretty large wood. Just directly below the pyramid, at the very bottom of the map (and the DE deployment zone) was a very big hill. I think we can all guess as to what units are going to be going on that particular feature.


I placed both of my Skink units in the middle of my deployment zone, with Tlacepotl in the leftmost unit, behind which stood the Kroxigor. On the far left, behind the pyramid and hopefully out of enemy LOS, were the Terradons, while on my right were Ara-kor and the Salamander. The Dark Elf player, predictably, put his RBT on the hill, and his Riders, Chariot, and Witch Elves all in the centre.


Seeing our two forces were very mobile, I resolved on a basic plan: send the Terradons to deal with the RBT or Riders as necessary, use Skink or Terradon bait to lure the Chariot and/or Witch Elves into smashing range of Ara-kor and the Krox, and, in the meantime, burninate as much stuff as possible with the Kroxigor.

Rolling for spells, I got Second Sign and Celestial Shield. I was a little disappointed by the lack of killy spells, but otherwise, it was a pretty good spell combo.


Winning the roll for 1st turn (yaaaaay), I began my advance. On the left flank, the Terradons flew up alongside the pyramid, hoping to draw away the attentions of the Dark Riders and RBT. In the middle, meanwhile, the Kroxigor advanced behind a Skink screen—a screen that Tlaceptol left, moving into the comparatively safer Skink unit to its right. Further down the right, Ara-kor zoomed towards the cover of the wood, with the Salamander waddling in its wake.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl, overjoyed that there were no enemy spellcasters to thrwart him, but annoyed by the distinct lack of missile spells he had rolled, cast Celestial Shield on Ara-kor. Everything was out of shooting range, and so we proceeded to the Dark Elf turn.

Eager to get some reptile-skin shoes, the rightmost Dark Riders turned and charged the Terradons threatening the RBT, who stood and shot, but did nothing. The other Dark Rider unit and the Noble edged up to deal with the incoming mass of Skinks, as did the frothing Witch Elves. In the shooting phase, the crew of the RBT, despite being slightly distracted by the backsides of the Witch Elves, nonetheless unleashed a volley that dealt 2 wounds to my poor Kroxigor (haters!). The Dark Riders followed suit, but either missed or failed to wound the Skinks directly ahead of them (YAAAAY! Let’s hear it for Druchii ineptitude!) The Noble, on the other hand, fired his Lifetaker and killed 2 Skinks, causing his Blood Armour to harden as a result.

Miffed by the lack of results from the shooting phase, the DE player moved on to combat. With a shout of “Leeroy Jenkins,” the Dark Riders slammed into the Terradons and skewered one of them. The Terradons, however, must have remembered all their poor showings in all my previous battles—of how that had constlantly been beaten by Peasants, and Wild Riders, and Glade Guard, and just about any foe you care to name. My poor lizards snapped, and in a whirling orgy of destruction (YAAAY! Orgy of destruction!) killed 4 Dark Riders back. The last Rider was clearly shocked that my Terradons were actually kicking ass for once, but nonetheless held his ground, denying me from charging the RBT next turn.


The Skinks edged closer to the Dark Elves massing ahead of them, hoping to draw them into smashing range of the Kroxigor, while the other Skinks stayed put. The Salamander and Ara-kor, meanwhile, moved into the woods, ready to attack the Druchii from the right flank next turn. Hehehe, I am so sneaky,

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl cast Celestial Shield on the Kroxigor, and once again, none of my units were in range for shooting (though I will be a happy, happy man they day they invent blowpipes or Salamanders with a 24” range). In combat, the last Dark Rider, seeing that this was his chance to do something truly heroic….missed with all of his attacks, and was eaten in return. The Terradons, however, were left stranded just ahead of a snickering RBT crew….

In the DE turn, the Noble and the Dark Riders both charged the Skinks ahead of them, who, as can only be expected, fled. My grin was practically ear to ear….until, that is, the Skinks fled past the Kroxigor, who, figuring that anything Skinks were afraid of HAD to be dangerous, turned and fled as well. The sound of my jaw hitting the floor echoed across the greater Toronto region as my fiendish trap was undone by my own troops’ ineptitude.

In all of his other movement, his Witch Elves edged up some more, taking time to imbibe plenty of drugs as they did so. The only unit of his that could shoot this turn was his RBT, which fired a volley at the Terradons, hit and wounded with 4 shots, and promptly blasted my poor Terries out of the sky. Poor, poor Terradons, shot down in their moment of glory…


In my turn, both the Skinks and Kroxigor, well aware of what would happen to them if they displeased me any further, rallied. Tlacepotl left his unit to move into the wood, while Ara-kor zoomed into the open to threaten the DE units from the right. The Terradons might have been dead, but at this stage I still had plenty of units that could deal damage to the fragile Elves.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl suffered from a bout of incompetence and failed to cast either Second Sign or Celestial Shield. My second unit of Skinks, on the other hand, made of for this failure by hurling their javelins and unhorsing 2 Dark Riders. The Salamander tried to add to this carnage from the cover of the wood, but, much to my annoyance, it was about 2 inches out of range. The Dark Riders passed their panic test, and it was on to the Dark Elf turn.

Much to my surprise, the damaged Dark Riders did not charge the Skinks directly ahead of them, but, instead, angled around to face Ara-kor, as did the Noble. The Noble, Dark Riders and Witches all formed a semicricle just ahead of the Scar-Vet: if I charged the Noble, then it would flee and leave me exposed to either a flank-charge by the Riders or to be shot up by the RBT. The same would happen if I charged the Riders: the only unit that would not flee would be the Witch Elves, who had their rear exposed to Ara-kor (nice), and would no doubt hold and leave my Scar-Vet exposed to a Chariot charge. Decisions, decisions.

In the shooting phase, the Noble, RBT and Dark Riders opened fire on Ara-kor. I simply sat back, however, and laughed as their puny bolts bounced off his scales and ward—that is, until the Noble fired his Liftetaker and actually bypassed Ara-kor’s armour and ward, causing his Blood Armour to strengthen as a result. Nasty Druchii with their tricksy weapons….


In the end, I charged the Dark Riders, who predictably fled. Elsewhere, my rallied Skinks moved forwards to harass the Witch Elves, the Salamander edged slightly out of its wood, and that was that. In the magic phase, Tlacepotl tried to cast Second Sign, but miscast and stepped into a coconut tree, causing a coconut to fall on his head and wound him. My Skinks once again had better luck, hurling their javelins and killing 3 Witch Elves.

In the DE turn, the Noble actually didn’t charge, but instead manouvred once around my Scar-Vet. The Dark Riders, predictably, rallied, and the Witch Elves, predictably, charged the Skinks, who, I realized too late, had been within half range with their javelins and thus couldn’t stand and shoot. I held, deciding that I could afford to lose one Skink unit anyway (I'm such a nice, caring Lizardman general).

In the shooting phase, the Dark Elves once again opened up with everything they had on Ara-kor. Luckily for me, though, he shrugged it all off, and was left in chariot-smashing range of the Noble. In close combat, the Witches went through the Skinks like a blender, killing 7 and running the rest down as they tried to flee. This, however, left the crazed Elf chicks in charge range of my Kroxigor….


Crunch time! Ara-kor charged into the Chariot-borne Noble, who held, while the Kroxigor charged the Witch Elves in the front, and the other unit of Skinks, deciding that it was time for some uncharacteristic bravery on their part, charged the witches in the flank. The Salamander moved out of its wood to threaten the Dark Riders, and Tlacepotl remained where he was, still dancing about in a dazed state as stars circled his head.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl came back to reality long enough to cast Second Sign and get 2 re-rolls. With that, I moved on to the shooting phase, which saw the Salamander (now in range) unleash a ball of fire that incinerated the last 3 Dark Riders. Hah, take that, you dark and gothy ponces!

Ara-kor sped forwards, feeling the wind whip past his scaled face as he hurled himself at the Elven leader. Too late, the Druchii tugged on the reigns of the Chariot, trying to get the Cold Ones pulling the vehicle turn back. That one moment of hesistation cost him.

Ara-kor's bronze blade swung on, ripping open both of the moaning Cold Ones in a single swing that sent blood cascading in all directions. The Cold Ones' maimed bodies hadn't even toppled over before Ara-kor's blade swung in again: he heard Tlacepotl's voice in his head, telling him that the Chariot would veer to the right suddenly, and altered his swing to anticipate this. The massive bronze weapon crunched downwards, narrowly missing the Druchii Noble as it ploughed through the frail wood of the Chariot, causing the front portion of the vehicle to explode in a hail of wooden splinters.

Moving with a speed characteristic of Elves, the Noble somersaulted over the ruined cupola of his chariot and, in a fluid motion, swung his ornate halberd at Ara-kor's face. The Scar-Leader was a seasoned fighter, however, catching the whistling glaive on the teeth of his sword, before turning it sharply to the side, snapping the glaive's wooden half and carving a deep, downwards gash down the Druchii's chest. The Elf stumbled and fell to his back, blood gushing from the massive rent in his armour. Roaring with exhilaration at the kill, Ara-kor raised his blade for the killing blow....

...and, a second later, felt a sharp, stinging pain in his chest. Looking down, Ara-kor saw a pair of black-barbed bolts protruding from his armoured chest, a repeater crossbow held in the Noble's shaking hand. Staggering back, Ara-kor saw the smirk lighting up on the Elf's face, and would have slaughtered him then and there, had he not toppled backwards, darkness overcoming his vision...

In the epic combat between our generals, the DE player, surprisingly enough, neglected to declare a challenge with his Noble. This allowed Ara-kor to allocate an attack against the chariot, which, annoyingly, I had to use both Second-Sign rerolls to hit, wound and destroy the thing. The rest of Ara-kor’s attacks scored 2 wounds on the Noble, but only one got through the Blood Armour. In reply, the Noble, enraged by the loss of his Chariot (especially since it wasn’t covered by his insurance), lashed out with his halberd and KO’d Ara-kor. Lousy, tricksy Elves….

In the other big combat, the Kroxigor did their thing and crushed 4 Witch Elves, while my Skinks attacking in the flank killed 2 more (go Skinks!) The remaining Witches killed 1 Skink in reply before turning and running, escaping both units. Thankfully, they were below 25 percent of their starting strength, so they wouldn’t be rallying any time soon.

In the Dark Elf turn, the Noble, seeing that the vast majority of his raiding force had been destroyed, moved back towards the RBT. The RBT opened fire, killing the wounded Kroxigor and wounding another, while the Noble sniped down another Skink. The Kroxigor, thankfully, refused to panic.


At this stage, there wasn’t much left to do: the Salamander tried in vain to move into burning range of the RBT, and the Skinks and Kroxigor continued their advance. Sadly, I was out of range for any magic or combat, so I simply proceeded straight to the DE player, who proceeded straight to his shooting phase.

Targetting the Kroxigor again, the RBT unleashed a volley, but only inflicted one more wound on the big lizards. For a minute, I though I was safe….until the Noble fired his Lifetaker at the Kroxes and scored a wound. One failed save later, and another Krox fell, netting the Druchii points for killing half the unit. Thankfully, the Kroxigor didn’t cause me any further embarrassment by panicking and fleeing.

In the end, the Dark Elves broke off, allowing our forces to escape freely. I have sent a message back to the Skink Council in Ux-Mal, and we should be expecting reinforcements from the city soon. Enough time, I hope, for us to confront our Wood Elf pursuers...

Result: Draw (625-605 in my favour)

Shards Recovered: 2

Thoughts: I really don’t have much to say on that battle, other than that a lot of things went pretty much as expected. The Witch Elves were all but annihilated by my Kroxigor trap, and his Dark Riders were destroyed by my shooting and Terradons. So…how was I cheated of victory?

Luck, pure and simple. Two crucial dice rolls were my undoing: the first was the successful LD test from the Dark Riders that allowed them to hold up my Terradons, thus keeping his RBT alive and ensuring that my Terradons would get shot down. If I’d managed to take out that RBT, then not only would I have significantly damaged his firepower, but he wouldn’t have been able to get half-VPs on my Kroxigor in the end. The second crucial roll was, of course, that of the Noble vs Scar-Vet combat. The fact that I rolled a 1 to hit the Chariot, followed by a 1 to wound, forced me to use both rerolls to destroy it, when those rerolls could have been used either to hurt the Noble himself or to save against his return attacks. As it was, Ara-kor got halberded down, which resulted in him denying quite a lot of points to the enemy.

I won’t say I didn’t make a few mistakes—I should have kept the Salamander out of the wood and burninating more Elves. I was just too scared of that RBT (not to mention is Dark Riders and Chariot) to attempt it. If I’d played more aggressively with it, then maybe I would have gotten more VPs in the end. If I were to replay this battle, then I probably would have replaced Tlacepotl for another Skink unit or another Salamander, seeing as I didn’t have to worry about Dark Elf magic in this game.

All in all, though, it was a fun battle against a good opponent.Games of less than 1000 points are quite tense, given that any casualties you suffer will hurt you a lot, lot more than in larger games, and the margin for victory (points wise) is much more narrow. That said, I’m glad I came out with a draw, and I’m glad the game was such a blast.

MVP: Though I’m tempted to give it to Ara-kor for shrugging off two rounds of Dark Elf shooting, I just have to give the MVP to the Terradons for taking a Dark Rider charge and wiping out their attackers—something that they almost never do in my larger games.

20-12-2007, 14:30
... the Witch Elves, who had their rear exposed to Ara-kor (nice)

:angel: (:evilgrin:)

Another solid report, and agreed that there were some pure luck moments that would have easily swung this your way.
But it's always a joy to read your reports win/lose/draw ;)

- Salvage

20-12-2007, 14:45
Excelent report...
Too bad about you krox runing away
at the critical monent of your trap. :p

20-12-2007, 15:49
Your salamander didn't get to shoot until turn 4!!! God man!!! Next time you have to make sure to use this gem a bit more wisely : ) That boltthrower had so many targets that I doubt it would pick a skimishing unit with multiple wounds. Next time make sure to run it up (march if you have to) behind a skink screen. Then you can flame the whole game.

And putting the terradons in a position where they could be charged and it wasn't a bait... come on : )

I keep waiting for you to crush your opponent, but it's like you let them win... (I know you aren't, but I'm trying to encourage you to get a massacre next time)

Dwarf Runelord 45
21-12-2007, 00:02
alright can't wait to read the next thread

23-12-2007, 15:10
Another good BR and bad luck on not securing the wins..
Question thought, where do you stand on the whole salamander 'monster & handler' affair? Because I see you put heros in with the salamander's unit, which from what I understand is illegal....
As for your Krox's fleeing from their shield of skinks, this is the one rule that should change, how on earth should they care about skinks, really annoys me, happens to me a lot...
Kepp up the good work!

Gazak Blacktoof
24-12-2007, 12:38
Another good report.

You say you were denied victory partially by the leadership test of the dark riders, I'd say that you were probably lucky to win the combat, or at least lucky to win it in such a convincing manner.

24-12-2007, 15:05
FatOlaf: Why would it be illegal to put a hero with a salamander pack?

25-12-2007, 11:00
FatOlaf: Why would it be illegal to put a hero with a salamander pack?

Not sure now, was something I read on TPV but now I have looked at the BrB I cant actually find anything preventing it. So I'll just double check that one ...

Just Tony
11-03-2008, 16:06
Hopefully you'll get another report up soon...

12-03-2008, 04:43
Not sure now, was something I read on TPV but now I have looked at the BrB I cant actually find anything preventing it. So I'll just double check that one ...
That's because it is legal. The Salamanders are a tricky unit and their rule says they operate like skirmishers and the BRB says specifically that man-sized models can join skirmishing units.

18-03-2008, 17:21
Though it saddens me to see another Lizardman skirmish army, I am glad you are having fun. I think vicotries will come. As has been said, you are really close to pulling off some real massacres. Some slight tooling and some luck and you will be golden. Enjoying the thread.

18-03-2008, 18:03
I'm gonna have to start dispensing face kickings if people who aren't LoNC keep posting in one of my favorite threads and making me think it's updated at last :mad:

- Salvage

19-03-2008, 12:58
I'm gonna have to start dispensing face kickings if people who aren't LoNC keep posting in one of my favorite threads and making me think it's updated at last :mad:

- Salvage

LoL I agree *ducks face kicking*

19-03-2008, 17:31
LoL I agree *ducks face kicking*

i'll second that :D *dives out of range for face kicking*

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
19-03-2008, 23:06
'Allo everybody,

I'm just letting you all know that the quest for the shards will resume soon enough. (Read: hopefully by the end of April). The reason for this indeterminable delay is due to exams, job hunts, etc. The usual real-world stuff.

20-03-2008, 04:06
'Allo everybody,

I'm just letting you all know that the quest for the shards will resume soon enough. (Read: hopefully by the end of April). The reason for this indeterminable delay is due to exams, job hunts, etc. The usual real-world stuff.

Woah woah... lets get this straight. Never... never... never let 'real-world stuff' get in the way of warhammer. It's warhammer that takes the edge off of the real world and makes it bearable.

The Phat Dorf
20-03-2008, 10:20
real world stuff is overrated, I tried it once and its not addictive

20-03-2008, 11:24
Woah woah... lets get this straight. Never... never... never let 'real-world stuff' get in the way of warhammer. It's warhammer that takes the edge off of the real world and makes it bearable.

Exactly my sentiments........:D

22-03-2008, 04:25
Warhammer is 'real life' the rest in just an inconvience!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
13-05-2008, 02:21
(Ominous music in the background)

Some warriors never die

Some quests never end

Some relics cannot be forgotten

June 2008....the Lizards return...

(Lol, but seriously, expect some batreps from me soon enough)

Gabacho Mk.II
13-05-2008, 06:04
Looking forward to reading them!

And good luck to the scalies!!! :D

13-05-2008, 10:55
June??? What's wrong with May?

But okay look forward to then....

13-05-2008, 14:44
Great battle reports all round, possibly you did something to offend the dice gods(Burn any dice effigies lately?) but still a great read. Can't wait for more.

"Dodges face kicking."

13-05-2008, 18:54

looking forward to the grand return

14-05-2008, 13:00
Well ... I'll keep the face kickings in my Bag o' Beatdown for now, in light of LoNC promising new reports at last :skull:

- Salvage

Prophet of Quetzl
04-06-2008, 18:31
Can't believe I only just found this thread! It's been a great read so far. Keep up the good work LoNC.

grimaces as Salvage's boot makes contact with his face

05-06-2008, 01:15
I think you can't join salamanders because they count as monsters with handlers. Nice reports as always.

05-06-2008, 01:22
Salamanders Should count as Monsters and Handlers...
But it doesn't specifically say they do in the book.
(Salamanders need a lot of rules clarification)
so if you read the rules as is then yea they can join the salamanders.

05-06-2008, 08:37
right we are 5 days into june....still no updates.......*has childish tantrum in corner*

05-06-2008, 10:10
*Joins in tantrum*

05-06-2008, 13:05

Which yeah, is me too :x

I can only assume a deluge of reports are going to descend upon us, including the lizards finding at least 4 of the shards they've been looking for for months now :skull:

- Salvage

06-06-2008, 13:48
Do you have to pay extra for scout ability? Seems they would have been golden for you. Join them with the shaman, and come out to shoot the gunline, AND have line of sight for spells.

Some chameleon skinks prolly wouldn't be a bad bet, either

Especially since you were again under points i would have added some couts or some heroes here and there.
One word of advice... NEW DICE! lol
Oh, and maybe write down your strategies turn to turn so oyu remembe rto move them out of sight of the bolt thrower or move a character out when you want to. Most of these games are well in hand or within reach, but ehn a dice roll or a forgetful move costs you. I know from trying to chronicle my own battles it's really hard to do both and can lead to some mistakes like that. As I said, maybe writing it down will help... not trying to be jerky, it's what i do myself. :)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-06-2008, 14:12
New report in the making and coming soon!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
11-06-2008, 15:24
Battle 9: The Wild Hunt


After our brief clash with the raiding Dark Elves, our warhost managed to finally leave Athel Loren. Outside the wood, we met up with the Saurus cohorts under the command of Scar-Veterans Tezla-Kar and Goq-Itla, and prepared to march off into the human-inhabited lands, hoping to find more shards. Before we could even leave, however, the woods behind us erupted in a chorus of cries, as the local wildlife shrieked out in one great voice. The winds of magic began to flow like wildfire, and in my minds eye, I sensed a great and terrible presence coming after us, one filled with wild rage.

I quickly surmised that the local Elves had come to avenge their fallen. Although I wished to stand and repel the attackers, Ara-kor insisted that I make my escape with the Shard while he and the Saurus held the Elves off. Ultimately, I agreed with his logic, and headed off with a hand-picked escort. Even as I left, I felt the presence grow stronger on the Winds. I felt a name, being echoed again and again by countless spirits, borne aloft on wisps of hate.


This battle actually took place a while ago, when I was preparing a list for a tournament that, ultimately, I never took part in. The basis of the tournament was to create the fluffiest, friendliest list you could think of, and with this in mind, I decided to go with a heavily Saurus-themed list:

Oldblood- great weapon, light armour, shield, Jaguar Charm, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Tlazcotl, Quetzl & Tepok- 262
Scar-Veteran- BSB, Huanchi Banner, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl & Tepok- 177
Scar-Veteran- great weapon, light armour, shield, Venom of the Firefly Frog, Spawnings of Quetzl & Tepok- 143
20 Saurus- full command- 270
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, Scouts- 70
18 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 245
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamanders- 195
Stegadon- 235

Total: 1997

All in all, a decent list, in my opinion, albeit one that's a tad bit slow due to the Saurus. The Saurus, however, would act as the indomitable centre of the army, and with rerollable cold-blooded LD, I was sure that they would hold against anything the enemy threw at them, allowing my faster, hittier units to counter-attack.

The army I was testing it out against, however, was, much to my consternation, a Wood Elf list built for speed...

Orion, King of the Woods
Noble- Wardancer Kindred, Blades of Loec
Spellsinger- lvl 1, some other stuff...
6 Wild Riders
6 Wild Riders
6 Wild Riders
7 Wardancers
3 Treekin
1 Treeman

I actually liked this themed Wild Hunt list. I had seen it in battle earlier, and had watched it annihilate the Vampire Counts player who had beat me in Battle 5. All in all, it was a nice, fast and hitty list, but one that suffered from the same Wood Elf drawbacks of being unable to bait-and-flee (unlike me). This should be interesting...


There was a huge wood dominating the left hand side of the board, along with a smaller wood each on the upper right and lower right hand corners. The Wood Elf player put one Wild Rider unit on the left flank, along with the Wardancers, behind the big wood. His center was dominated by the two Tree Spirit units, and on the right flank, he put his remaining two Wild Rider units, one of which had been joined by Orion. Finally, he put his Spellsinger caddy in the upper right-hand wood to hide. In turn, I put my two Saurus units and characters in the centre, with my blowpipe Skinks, Kroxigor, Terradons and Stegadon facing the Salamanders on the right, and my Salamanders and javelins Skinks on the left. Finally, I put my Scouts in the big wood so they could harass/march block his Wardancers or Tree Spirits.


Because it was the Lizardly thing to do (aside from basking in a sunlamp for several hours, and there were no sunlamps around for miles), the Lizardmen host advanced en mass. My Scouts skirted up a bit to threaten the rightmost Wild Riders next turn, my Saurus blocks marched forwards, and on the right, my Steg and Kroxigor edged up cautiously, casting nervous glances at Orion and his double-posse of Wild Riders and making sure they stayed out of their charge range. And finally, Ara-kor donned his Reeboks (because Nikes are for wusses) and ran upwards towards the northeast corner of the map, hoping to kill some soft, non-wooden targets (especially since he had neglected to bring his Burning Blade to this battle).

The magic phase was a non-entity, and shooting was out of range, so it was on to the Wood Elven turn, which began, shockingly enough, with some charges. First, the Wardancers charged the Scouts, who, because of my ever-so-clumsy manouvering, had a model within spotting distance in the woods. (I believe I said "D'OH!" at that point) I declared a stand and shoot reaction and watched happily as the Scouts plinked off two of the Riverdance rejects. Elsewhere, the leftmost unit of Wild Riders zoomed down the flank around the woods, while Orion and his own two units rode down the right flank, manouvering to hopefully outflank my poor Steg and Kroxies. And, of course, the Treeman and Treekin advanced inexorably down the center, ignoring Ara-kor as they muttered something about "no Chotec."

In the Wood Elf magic phase, the Treesongs from the Spellsinger and Treeman were easily thwarted by a chorus of boos and dispel dice (the Treeman sounded awful, anyway). In the shooting phase, however, Orion chucked his Magic Spear of Doom(TM) at the Kroxigor and inflicted two wounds on one of them. Next, the Treeman pointed his roots at Ara-kor and tried to do his best giant squid impersonation. To my horror, Ara-kor then proceeded to take two unsaved wounds! It was turn one, and I was already in danger of losing my general.

The close combat phase was predictably brief, with the Wardancers ripping the Scouts to bloody shreds. Oh well, at least they were covered by insurance...

(NOTE: I've completely forgotten about what happened to the blowpipe Skinks in this battle. Maybe they were killed by Wild Riders. Maybe they fled at the first roll of dice. Or maybe they just decided to skip the battle and went to Anime North. Either way, don't expect further mention of them in this batrep.)


"Ah-HAH!" I cried as my Terradons passed their fear test ("Ooooh, Elves on horses, how scary!") and charged the rightmost Wild Rider unit-- the one that was trying to outflank my whole army. Everything else continued to run up, with Ara-kor frantically trying to get out of rooting range of the Treeman, another unit of javelin Skinks going into the forest to speedbump...er, I mean heroically kill the Wardancers, the Saurus continuing to edge up nervously, and the Salamanders turning around the wood to get a bead on the leftmost Riders. A stalemate ensued on the right flank, however, with neither the Kroxigor nor the Stegadon willing to move forwards and get charged by Orion & company.

Once again, there was no magic this turn (one of the Scar-Vets may have unsuccessfully tried to wave his hands in the air and tried to look arcane, but his fellow Saurus just weren't buying it). In the shooting phase, however, the Stegadon's Giant Bow twanged and impaled one of Orion's bodyguards. (HAH! How do you like THEM apples, Big Green and Ugly?) The left Skinks, trying to be as annoying as possibly, javelined another two Wardancers to death, and finally, the Salamanders did what they do best and utterly annihilated the leftmost Wild Riders (and eating one handler in the process, though they figured that they had earned it this time).

In close combat, the Terradons killed 2 Wild Riders. In return, however, thanks to their bizarre "we get more attacks when we're stationary rather than charging" rule, the Riders killed two Terradons back. Annoyed that the Riders had ruined their moment of glory, the last Terradon hit and ran out of combat.

In the Elf turn, the Wardancers charged the Skinks. Because they were too close to shoot, the Skinks tried to flee, but were too slow, and got turned into scaly mini-bites for their troubles. The Wild Riders who had been maimed by the Terradons last turn, meanwhile, tried to flank charge my Kroxigor, but the big lizards managed to flee and escape (unlike the smaller, more agile Skinks....go figure). Everything else maintained its usual advance, with the Tree-Spirits plodding inexorably forwards, and Orion's zooming up to get a flank charge on my Krox and Steggie.

The Wood Elf magic phase was once again a non-entity, with the Lizardmen having absolutely no appreciation for the finer points of Elven opera. So, in true Asrai fashion, they went right to the shooting phase. Orion once again chucked his spear at the fleeing Kroxigor, but there must have been a bit of sap in his eye, as he missed altogether (which resulted in much jeering from the Skinks piloting the Stegadon). The Treeman, on the other hand, had much less issue with accuracy, as he turned and shish-kabobed Ara-kor with a well-placed root. I think I said something similar to "fudge" at this point. (Mmmm, fudge....)


Squawking in vengeance, the last Terradon, having auto-rallied last turn due to hit and run, turned and charged the Wild Riders once more, while the Kroxigor rallied. Everything else aligned to face the oncoming Wild Riders and Orion, with the Stegadon and leftmost Saurus turning rightwards. The Salamanders, meanwhile, edged up to get some line of sight on the now-exposed Wardancers. Barbequing Elves, after all, has always been a pastime favourite.

Once again, magic did nothing, so it was straight to shooting. The Skinks manning the howdah couldn't repeat their earlier success, and their giant bow missed the Wild Riders altogether (though it did impale a few thrushes in the background). The Salamanders, meanwhile, proceeded to eat four more of their handlers, but the one Salamander who did bother to breath at the Wardancers killed the last three of them and wounded their Noble, leaving her all alone and badly over-tanned. In close combat, the Terradon swooped down with an almighty shriek, gutting one Rider on its talons....and, for its troubles, got stabbed out of the sky in return. Wonderful.

In the Wood Elf turn, the lone Wardancer Noble, shouting something incomprehensible in Asrai (something about socks), and charged the flank of the BSB's Saurus. Everything else in the Wood Elf army continued the time-honoured tradition of manouvering and getting closer, with Orion and his buddies zoomed down so that they were standing right next to the Stegadon's flank. And again, the Tree Spirits plodded forward (you'd think they'd move faster, what with movement 6). By this stage, however, the Treekin were now right in front of my BSB's Saurus, and the Treeman was facing the flank of my rightmost unit. Not good.

After some more fake magic, the shooting phase commenced. Orion chucked his gigantic spear at the Stegadon...and missed. Again. At point blank range. At this point, Orion's Wild Riders were desperately trying not to laugh at their Hunter God/King/Big Guy. The Treeman, however, once again showed Orion how it was done by stranglerooting 3 of the normal Saurus to death. Meanie!

In close combat, the Wardancer Noble went into Riverdance Ultrakill mode and dice three Sacred Saurus. Despite the enemy's ranks and big shiny banner, the lone, dance-crazed Elf held her ground.


Once again, my units on the right flank angled to avoid getting flanked by Orion/the Treeman. Everyone except the Stegadon, that is, who was getting sick and tired of all of this dumb turning and wanted to please, please stand still for once. (Seriously, though, I can't remember why I didn't move Steggy) The Krox turned to face the last 2 of the maimed Wild Rider unit, and the Salamanders edged up to draw some line of sight on the Treekin.

In the ma...er, I mean shooting phase, the Salamanders opened up on the Treekin, and for once didn't eat any of their handlers. It seems that eating handlers is a sign that the fire will be good, however, as they did absolutely nothing to the Treekin (Oh GW, why do you mock me with T5, 4+ save, 5+ ward trees?) The howdah skinks did better, upstaging Orion and javelining two of his Wild Riders from their saddles. See, Orion, THAT'S how you chuck pointy objects at people!

In close combat, the Sacred Saurus champion strode forward and growled menacingly at the Noble. In response, she proceeded to do the whole Evolution of Dance routine on him and horrendously overkill him. The Noble still lost, however, and, realizing that she had just gotten a bad review, tried to run. She didn't get far, however, before she fatally mis-stepped and got trampled by rampaging unit of Sacred Saurus. Quite luckily, the pursuit was enough to take the Saurus out of the charge arc of the Treekin.

In the Wood Elf turn, Orion and his Wild Riders finally did what they had been waiting all game to do, and charged the Stegadon in the flank. The depleted Wild Riders, meanwhile, charged the Kroxigor in the front, while the Tree Spirits once again contented themselves with simply advancing, with the Treeman moving right into the faces of the normal Saurus. Oh dear, I sense a Terror test next turn...

There was no shooting at this point, so we skipped straight to close combat. Orion finally proved that he's a lot better at stabbing things than he is at throwing stuff, as he inflicted two wounds on the Stegadon (thus netting him half points for the big lug). His Riders inflicted one more wound without taking any casualties in return, but, in true Stegadon style, my big lizard held.

The other Wild Riders, meanwhile, were equally impressive, killing off the badly wounded Kroxigor. In reply, however, the last two Krox squashed their two opponents, and overran into the flank of Orion's Riders. Boo yah!

Sadly, however, at this point the Elf player had to leave. Before we left, we quickly tallied up the points...


Wood Elves: 695
Lizardmen: 578 (I think)

If, however, the blowpipe Skinks may have been killed (my memory escapes me as to whether they were or not), then that would push the Elf player's points to 755. So, I either got a losing draw or a minor loss there.

THOUGHTS: Well, it was my misuse of my Oldblood that lost the game for me, pure and simple. I had hoped, somehow, that he would be able to avoid getting rooted long enough to run across the board and rip apart the (useless) Elven mage, but that was just not to be. My fault for leaving the Burning Blade at home, as otherwise he could have been gleefully hacking Treemen to shreds. In all other respects, though, I guess I played alright. While my Skinks died in droves, as usual, I was killing plenty of Elves as well, so it was all good. I'm a little annoyed that the game ended when it did, as my Krox were in a perfect position to counter-charge Orion's Wild Riders. With luck, I could have killed the unit off and forced Orion to take some wounds from CR (and after reading the big guy's rules, I found that he isn't really that scary when he's not charging, so I think I could have eventually brought him down). That, and my Salamanders could have hurt the Tree Spirits some.

My only regret in this battle is that the Saurus never had a chance to do much. I was looking forward to using the Huanchi Banner against something, but by the end of the game, my Sacred Saurus and BSB had been drawn far out of position by their pursuit roll.

Still, it was a good game, and I'm pleased that I didn't do so badly against Orion and his stag party (Heh...I made a funny! Stag, get it? Because they're Wood Elves...)

Shards Recovered: 2

MVP: The Salamanders once again showed why they are Elves' worst nightmare, as they killed off both a unit of Wild Riders and a troupe of Wardancers in quick succession. It always brings a tear of joy to my eye to see them roasting pointy-eared things to death.

Next: The Lizards learn to always eat their greens, and their seafood as well!

11-06-2008, 15:57
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssss! And for the record, since Orion had to go take his party elsewhere I say that's a moral win for the lizards :cool:

Great to have another report of your lizards doing things (like kabobing birds in the bush, delicious). I like that list of yours, about what I'd want to run if I played lizards. Except I'd make sure the oldblood brought his box of matches, for trees as well as smelly demons and tenacious undead.

- Salvage

11-06-2008, 17:13
Nice to see a battle with no magic : )

Why didn't the oldblood stay in the unit? I guess you were trying to be aggressive on the one flank... but risky, and you paid the price : (

One thing you could have done with that lone terradon is fly it infront and to the side of orion's unit. Then when he charged you obviously run, and even though you might be caught, at least that beast would be ruinning away from your main line.

Good report. Too bad you couldn't finish it.

11-06-2008, 18:44
Yea too bad you forgot your Fire Ax I hear they are good for choping wood... :P
I think you might have had a chance of wining in the next round, too bad we will never know.

Great battle report
I allways look forward to reading them.

12-06-2008, 09:55
Really nice report again! What a shock, "Oh, Kroxigor in my generak's flank unit? Oh, look at the time, I'll be off now, call it a draw, what ho?"...

12-06-2008, 12:45
Really nice report again! What a shock, "Oh, Kroxigor in my generak's flank unit? Oh, look at the time, I'll be off now, call it a draw, what ho?"...

My thoughts exactly mate, Crap Orion's a gonna, going home now..
I think you played well, as stated, wasting the general to go useless mage hunting was a mistake. Just because he has Nike's, does not mean he always has to run.

But a good read as always, look forward to a new one!

12-06-2008, 14:53
As always, great batrep. I agree with the others who say that you won this game. Someone give this man a shard!

Prophet of Quetzl
12-06-2008, 17:34
Glad your batreps have made their long awaited return. I think you might have done ok if you had played the full 6 turns.

Looking forward to the next one.

13-06-2008, 18:30
Very funny report. Too bad Ara-kor just turned in a wooden performance this time..

15-06-2008, 17:39
Very funny report. Too bad Ara-kor just turned in a wooden performance this time..

Ba dum shish! Krytha's here all week, folks!

Yay for more LoNC reports! This report, as usual, comes with a deliciously filling dose of tactical goodness, a side of witty humour, and your choice of garden or caesar salad. Sadly it left a bitter taste in my mouth at the end, what with the Wood Elf taking off and all....


I wonder... looks like greenskins on the menu for next time :)

17-06-2008, 05:55
Nice battle reports.

But I think the reason why you lose so many games is you play too much herohammer.

JSOD and cloak of feathered characters running around winning you the game. It seem as though the rest of the army is just there to add flavor.

Try including characters in units to make your army more rounded.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
18-06-2008, 00:44
Nice battle reports.

But I think the reason why you lose so many games is you play too much herohammer.

JSOD and cloak of feathered characters running around winning you the game. It seem as though the rest of the army is just there to add flavor.

Try including characters in units to make your army more rounded.

Duly noted, Soots.

Thankee for the feedback, everyone! NEXT: Two battle reports for the price of one! Which would be about...(counts on fingers) five bucks. (Pulls out shotgun) Start coughing up, readers!

18-06-2008, 05:30
I think the gun registration is a bit too tough for you to own a shotgun in Toronto.

18-06-2008, 10:15
and try shooting me from all the way over the Pond old boy! whats that anyway? £2.50? *rumages though change in pocket* here you go! *throws change about 12 foot out the into atlantic*

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
18-06-2008, 17:40
and try shooting me from all the way over the Pond old boy! whats that anyway? £2.50? *rumages though change in pocket* here you go! *throws change about 12 foot out the into atlantic*

NOOOOOO! (Dives in after change)

I think the gun registration is a bit too tough for you to own a shotgun in Toronto.

*GLUB GLUB GLUUUUUB!* (Translation: Curse us Canadians an our inherent non-violentness!)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
26-06-2008, 03:46

Battle 10: Daemontide


The battle against the forces of the creature known as Orion was inconclusive, with the Wood Elves withdrawing as soon as dusk came. Determined to make the most of the coming night, we hastily withdrew as well, putting several miles between us an Athel Loren in a few hours.

We were deep into the lands of the New One Empire, however, when the bizarre pulsing in the winds of magic returned. Initially, I suspected that Orion and his kin had caught up with us, until I sensed the familiar presence on the winds-- the terrible, gnawing presence, the feeling of evil and undescribable madness. Even before the portals in reality began to tear open, I knew that our ancient enemies had found us. The Xlanax were here.

As the creatures of Chaos began to claw their way into reality ahead of us, the warhost quickly redressed their battle-lines. The Saurus were more agitated than usual, seeming rather angry. Ara-kor, in particular, seemed to be resisting the urge to hurl himself at the Daemons and tear them limb from limb. I realized that the Saurus were remembering their final moments before hibernation, he final, climactic battle for Ux-Mal during the Fall. They remembered fighting the Daemons in the streets of our city, and now they hungered for vengeance.

With banners upraised and the city's name roared to the starry sky, the Warhost of Ux-Mal marched into battle...

Recently, I played my first game against the new Daemons. Now, I was more than a little apprehensive about this battle, given all the horror stories I was hearing about the new Daemons, but I was nonetheless curious to play against them. If nothing else, this would be a valuable learning experience for me (my first mistake: I should have learned by now that I never learn anything).

My list was as follows:

Oldblood- Blade of Realities, light armour, shield, Jaguar Charm, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Tlazcotl, Quetzl & Tepok- 291
Scar-Veteran Tezla-kar- BSB, Sword of the Hornet, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl & Tepok- 193
Skink Priest Tlacepotl the Wise- 2 dispel scrolls- 150
Skink Priest Ixcotl the Obsidian- Cube of Darkness, Spawning of the Old Ones- 175
20 Saurus- full command- 270
20 Saurus- full command- 270
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamanders- 195
Stegadon- 235

Total: 2248

As you can see, I had taken the liberty of tooling up my Oldblood to go kill Daemons (especially the multi-wound variety). I was looking forward to throwing him at some big Daemons, especially a Greater Daemon. The Cube of Darkness was also a new thing in the list, one that I was hoping would be worth the points.

The Daemon list was as follows:

Keeper of Secrets- Torment Blade, Allure of Slaanesh
Herald of Slaanesh- BSB, Mount of Slaanesh
16 Horrors
16 Horrors
16 Horrors
5 Seekers
5 Flesh Hounds
5 Flesh Hounts
6 Furies
2 Fiends of Slaanesh
2 Fiends of Slaanesh

Not much in numbers, but then I was new to playing against Daemons, so I had no idea what to expect from them. No idea at all...


Terrain was a simple affair, with a wood in his upper left corner and in my lower left corner, and a house in my lower right. From left to right, he deployed his two units of Fiends on the left, his blocks of Horrors in the centre with the Flesh Hounds positioned between the three units, and his right flank was composed of the Keeper, Seekers and Furies. I, in turn, placed the Sallies, two units of Skinks and the Oldblood on the right flank to deal with his fast-moving stuff, my two Saurus blocks in the centre (with the Kroxigor to their right), and my Terradons, Stegadon and more Skinks on the left. The terrain was awful for scouting in, so I kept my Scouts in my own DZ.

For spells, I rolled a lot of zappy spells from the lore of heavens (including the Comet of Casandora). I forget what the Daemon player rolled, though...


The Daemons won first turn (obviously due to the Slaaneshi daemons whispering sweet promises of corruption into the dice's ears, the cheaters), and in typical daemonic fashion, everything that could zoomed forwards. On the right flank, I quickly discovered how ludicrously fast Slaanesh daemons are, as the Keeper of Secrets zoomed a full 20" down, right in front of the house and my startled Sallies. Thankfully, the overgrown lobster-thing was also now in charging range of Ara-kor, and I was itching to bring the Blade of Realities into play. To the right of the Keeper, the Seekers and Furies also zoomed down, leaving my rubbing my hands in anticipation at the number of units that had just moved into burning range of my Sallies. In the middle, the Flesh Hounds rushed forwards ahead of the Horrors, and on the right, the two units of Fiends rushed up as well, eying my two Saurus blocks with fiendish glances. (Hahaha, get it? Fiendish glances? Because they're Fiends...ah, nevermind.)

In the magic phase, the Horrors tried to unleash (re: barf) their bound spells o'doom, but Ixcotl was having none of this and cancelled the whole Daemon magic phase with his Cube of Darkness. With no shooting, the Daemons were reduced to just unleashing taunts, which, sadly, had little or no effect.

Or so I thought...

In my turn, I was about to declare charges...when the Daemon player suddenly informed me of the Siren Song ability of his Keeper and BSB. Essentially, one unit of their choice had to either charge the user or flee. There would be no leadership test involved, no casting roll, no roll to hit, no nothing. All in MY TURN. He nominated my Salamanders with his Keeper, and my Oldblood (and screening unit of Skinks) with the BSB and her attendant Seekers. Knowing that I couldn't escape their charges in later turns if I fled, I opted to charge, and both units leapt into combat with opponents they couldn't possibly win against, leaving me to shake my head in utter bewilderment at how such a rule had made it past GW's playtesting.

In my regular charging phase, the Kroxigor tried to charge the rightmost unit of Flesh Hounds, but, regrettably, came up short. Everything else moved up and angled to meet charges, while the Skinks and Terradons moved up to do their usual shooting/harassment routing. In the magic phase, Tlacepotl managed to cast Comet between the Horror units, but it was dispelled. Similarly, Uranon's Thunderbolt simply failed to cast, so it was down to the shooting phase. The leftmost Skinks and Terradons did two wounds to the leftmost Fiends with their javelins-- not enough, I discovered, to kill one of them. Oh drattiness.

In the combat phase, I discovered that Slaaneshi daemons can not only move crazily fast and make me move when I don't want to, but also have Always Strike First. Needless to say, the Keeper gutted my poor Sallies, killing one and wounding another. Thanks to ANOTHER ridiculous ability of the Keeper, the Sallies could only stare in utter fascination at the lobster-thing that was busy slaughtering them and couldn't strike back (I think they failed a LD test or something, and as a result, couldn't attack). They then proceeded to flee, but the Keeper declined to pursue, since it was too busy cleaning its claws after messing them up on Sallie-blood. In the other combat, meanwhile, the BSB and Seekers also used their ASF ability to slaughter 6 Skinks. Ara-kor got mad at seeing his little buddies get killed, and proceeded to smash down 4 of the Seekers in return with his Blade of Realities. Despite this impressive showing, however, the Skinks autobroke, taking an annoyed Ara-kor with them ("But I'm Immune to Psychology, you ******!"), and they all got chased and slaughtered by the laughing Seekers. As if that wasn't enough, the nearby Kroxigor then panicked at the destruction of the nearby Skinks and fled leftwards, leaving them sandwiched uselessly between the two Saurus units.

Turn 1, and I had already lost 2 of my most expensive units, and had 2 nasty enemy units staring down the flank of my whole army. My opinions about the new daemons weren't becoming any friendlier...


Seeing the Sallies fleeing in the distance, the Furies charged them and sent them scattering off the board. Fan-bloody-tastic. Elsewhere, the Seekers and the Keeper both flank-charged my right Saurus, who held-- the distance was too close for them to flee successfully, and I didn't want them hitting my BSB's unit with a redirect. The leftmost Flesh Hounds charged the BSB's Saurus, who also held, the rightmost Fiends charged the Stegadon, and the leftmost Fiends charged the Skinks who had wounded them the previous turn. Everything else moved forwards with predictable Daemonic moviness.

In the magic phase, one unit of Horrors again cast their spell-thingy...and this time got it with Irresistable Force. I was then shown just how potent these Horrors are, as the ensuing spell killed 1 Howdah Skink, 1 BSB Saurus, 1 of the other Saurus (apparently being in close combat is no impediment to this spell), and, most importantly, killed 1 Terradon and wounded another, and sent the rest fleeing. The Keeper of Secrets then tried to cast a reroll spell, but miscast and hurt itself, ending the magic phase. Embarassingly, the Keeper had taken damage from itself before it had taken it from anything in my army.

In the ensuing close combat, my rightmost Saurus lost only 4 of their number. Predictably, however, they still broke, and were still run down. The overrun took them right into my fleeing Kroxigor, who fled some more into the nearby Flesh Hounds in combat and...died. Without having had the chance to swing their axes once, at that. The Keeper and Seekers THEN overran into the flank of my other embattled Saurus unit; although my BSB struck first thanks to the Sword of the Hornet, he scored only 1 wound on the Flesh Hounds (who, for some bizarre reason, have the same WS as Chaos Warriors, Elven elite troops and most hero-level characters). 10 Saurus died in total before the Champion got his act together and, in a fit of kick-assery that would make Chuck Norris proud, hit and wounded with everything and killed 2 Flesh Hounds! Sadly, the rest of the unit took no notice of his l33t skillz, and they, too, fled and got run down. The Keeper and Seekers THEN overran into the flank of my Stegadon. Pardon my written grimace. Eeeeeeugh.

It was at this point that I, trying my best to stay calm and NOT unleash a torrent of swear words, threw in the towel. It was Turn 2, and almost everything in my army was either dead, fleeing, or would be dead very, very soon.

Result: Massacred

Shards: 2


Okay, normally I am not given in to ranting, to whining, or to giving in to fits of rage, but...WHAT THE &%$#?!!!

(Hyperventilates for a few seconds before finally calming down)

Wow. That was just horrendous. I think I only got points for halving the Seekers. Everything else in my army was dead or fleeing by Turn 2. TURN. TWO. Up until now, I never would have thought it possible to win/lose a game by turn 2, but I've just been proven wrong. I...I think I need to lie down...

It was the Siren rule that killed me in this game. Normally, the Keeper and Seekers would have invited shooty death on themselves by rushing down headlong at my army-- I even had my daemon-killing Oldblood lined up to take on his Keeper in close combat. And yet, instead of unleashing the torrent of fire and choppiness that I would have like to do, two of my units were instead pulled into combats where they were wiped out, and the ensuing overruns took the Slaaneshi units into the flank of my entire army. I simply had no way of defending against that rule, though not placing my Oldblood in the Skinks would have helped...I was expecting him to take magic/shooting attacks early on, and wanted to use the Skinks as a springboard/meatshield from which to attack the daemons. Instead, however, the Oldblood was stuck in an autobreaking Skink unit and died along with them in the ensuing overrun. I'm tempted to call the Siren rule broken-- even the comparable Lash of Submission/Pavane of Slaanesh rules in 40k are dependent on a lot of prerequisite rolls (casting/to hit rolls, random movement, etc), but Siren gives the targetted unit no chance of resisting. it's either charge into an unwinnable combat or flee and wind up doing nothing for a turn. And given how insanely fast the Slaanesh daemons are, the Siren is ridiculously hard to avoid (not to mention extremely, EXTREMELY annoying).

Still, I will admit that a lot of this loss came from me playing badly, and simply not knowing what to expect from the Daemon army. I didn't expect the Siren rule to take out two of my units like that, and as such didn't anticipate the Keeper and Seekers rampaging across my battle-line. As it stands, the Daemons are frighteningly powerful, what with stuff like the Siren, Movement 10 Slaanesh daemons, 2-wound fast cavalry in the form of Flesh Hounds, and that powerful spell that the Horrors unleash...whatever the hell it is. From this one battle, I still have no idea how to play and win against it, but hopefully, I'll find a way (a way that DOESN'T involve 6 Salamanders and a 2nd-Generation Slann). Either way, this still stands as one of my worst games to date (if not the worst), and easily the most frustrating.

Next: the Lizards fight the new Vampire Counts! (After LoNC gets out of therapy, that is)

26-06-2008, 04:24
The Old Ones are NOT pleased :mad:
(I think some one at GW was smoking something when they approved that unit)

26-06-2008, 04:50
Um... wow. How DO you fight that? Here I was getting all excited about maybe the cube of darkness being an mvp, but the Slaanesh player had you squared away before you could triangulate an offense or circle around into his.. uh.. yeah. Bad.

Gazak Blacktoof
26-06-2008, 07:21
I don't think te seekers should have had ASF. As far as I know only the core infantry benefit from the herald's locus ability.

26-06-2008, 09:02
does siren song have any effect on units that are imune to psycology? (if not then my VC are just going to rinse slannesh deamon). i've played Khornite deamons twice now (two massacares to me, bloodletters suck and thirsters are so predictable) nurgle is bastard hard to hurt, but extreamly expensive (need big blocks and herlalds in units) and suprisingly lacking in anti magic so not much of a problem, tzenntch is sick unless your tooled up for anti magic and/or imune to fire based attacks (High elves: dragon princes)

deamons are higly specialist and rely on them fighting the battle their way: they seme either to win big or lose big time.

26-06-2008, 10:04
Seekers do get the ASF, because they are Daemonettes. Siren Song does work on ItP stuff, unlike the Dwarf version.

Although that was a horrendous game, don't be too disheartened. You'll adapt to the new Daemons, some. If the games still go that way though, then, err, abandon ship! Protect the queen!

Gazak Blacktoof
26-06-2008, 11:02
Seekers do get the ASF, because they are Daemonettes.

I thought they gave it only to Daemonette units? Seekers aren't a unit of daemonettes. I thought the intent of the locus ability was pretty clear from what I've heard about it, ie it boosts the basic infantry of each god, but I haven't got the book.

26-06-2008, 11:07
As I have said on various forums, Deamons are just fricking horrible, And I'm sorry but LM are one of the many races that will lose 99.9% of the time, simply dont bother playing them until you get a new book, even then I'm dubious if new LM will be as broken as these guys.

Siren song is totally broken and game winning, very worrying how GW slipped this chestnut in, PLUS the fact that more than one unit can have it...

Dont be disheartened, you had NO chance in that one, did the Daemon player know you had a fluffy fun list, because his was bordering on tournament nastiness...

26-06-2008, 11:22

I, er, can't think of much else to say. Siren song is very potenet. makes the Dwarven runic version look tripe.

Now you know where you stand with the decietful daemonic horde, I say rematch!

26-06-2008, 12:28
I thought they gave it only to Daemonette units? Seekers aren't a unit of daemonettes. I thought the intent of the locus ability was pretty clear from what I've heard about it, ie it boosts the basic infantry of each god, but I haven't got the book.

Read the actual book, don't go by what people say, as people get this stuff wrong. Even I could be wrong (But at least I've seen it with my own eyes). What I remember from reading the book is that it gives ASF to Daemonettes and Alluresses in the same unit as the Herald, which would indeed include the Daeomette riders (not the Steeds, of course).

26-06-2008, 12:50
Bad luck there, siren song is a nasty little ability, no doubt about it, but only the keeper can use it with more or less impunity, putting your general in with skinks was basically a very bad move, if you hadn't done that you would have been fine. Also note that siren song only works if you are able to declare a charge, if your lines are fully screened by skinks on the first turn all your opponent can use it on are skinks. The seekers will easily lose to a full CR saurus block due to static CR and kroxigors or stegadon will rip them a new backside. I would keep your general in with the saurus and have a unit of skinks shield the salamanders from line of sight. I think brother olaf is taking it a bit far with the OP's remarks. The Kroxigors failing a panic test is sheer bad luck.

worth noting is the horrors- 16 is the minimum size to be level 2 and gain access to the 12" radius spell, knock a single horror from each regiment and they will be far less useful and are easy VPs later on in the game. Still your opponent has quite a nasty list with an awful lot of flanking units and a lot of speed. Gatling slann would have made a mess of his list though with what looks like just 5DD and no scrolls. Banehead could put the keeper away pretty fast as well if you get the right spells.

Incidentally I suggest you make at least one unit of saurus ITP, since Terror tests with -4 to Ld is another sneaky trick in the slaanesh daemonic aresenal

26-06-2008, 13:33
Well that was a big let down...

Sneaky sneaky tricks...

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
26-06-2008, 15:30
Bad luck there, siren song is a nasty little ability, no doubt about it, but only the keeper can use it with more or less impunity, putting your general in with skinks was basically a very bad move, if you hadn't done that you would have been fine. Also note that siren song only works if you are able to declare a charge, if your lines are fully screened by skinks on the first turn all your opponent can use it on are skinks. The seekers will easily lose to a full CR saurus block due to static CR and kroxigors or stegadon will rip them a new backside. I would keep your general in with the saurus and have a unit of skinks shield the salamanders from line of sight. I think brother olaf is taking it a bit far with the OP's remarks. The Kroxigors failing a panic test is sheer bad luck.

worth noting is the horrors- 16 is the minimum size to be level 2 and gain access to the 12" radius spell, knock a single horror from each regiment and they will be far less useful and are easy VPs later on in the game. Still your opponent has quite a nasty list with an awful lot of flanking units and a lot of speed. Gatling slann would have made a mess of his list though with what looks like just 5DD and no scrolls. Banehead could put the keeper away pretty fast as well if you get the right spells.

Incidentally I suggest you make at least one unit of saurus ITP, since Terror tests with -4 to Ld is another sneaky trick in the slaanesh daemonic aresenal

Yeah, putting my Oldblood in the Skinks was a very, very bad move on my part, but I've always been paranoid about him getting shot up before he could go zooming off on his own. To be fair, though, the Daemon player did warn me about the Siren when the game started. I was just so caught up in the action that I only half-payed attention to him.

Thanks for that bit of info on the Horrors, btw. It should help me a lot in future games.

Dont be disheartened, you had NO chance in that one, did the Daemon player know you had a fluffy fun list, because his was bordering on tournament nastiness...

His was indeed a tourney army, and he said so himself. It also helps that he is also an experienced Lizardmen player, so he more or less knew what I was up to. He was a great guy to play, though, despite the uberness of his army.

Thanks for the replies (and comiserations) gentle readers!

26-06-2008, 19:43
Consolations on your loss, that was indeed brutal to read. As has been noted, it looks like there were steps you can take next time to ensure the lizards last at least halfway through the game instead of a mere 2 turns :cries:

For the record though, I still think the armylist as a whole is pretty messed up, from the überness of flesh hounds to the fact that the entire army has 5+ ward saves instead of 5+ demon saves like they ought to. But the only thing to do I guess is step up your game and do your best.

Or, as we say at my game store, meet them in the parking lot after the game :mad:

- Salvage

27-06-2008, 01:21
I fell prey to the same player, using my own much softer Daemon list. His Keeper's ability to force two Ld tests in order to attack it allowed it to defeat my Bloodthirster in turn 2. Things went downhill just as badly as they did versus the Lizards.

Most things in the Daemon book don't bother me, but Siren Song is way underpriced.

Better luck next time, LoNC!

27-06-2008, 08:29
Holy **** that was horrible! I feel for you. I watched one game with a Ogre Scraplauncher killing a HE Prince, on the first turn.

I've got to say, that really sucks though.

27-06-2008, 16:56
well live and learn (or in this particular case die and learn)
Demons will take some getting used to, slaanesh speed and tzeentch magic heavy in particular....

I look forward to your vs VC battle

28-06-2008, 15:00
Demons will take some getting used to, slaanesh speed and tzeentch magic heavy in particular....

Well in the case of LM, it will be a question of waiting till next year for our new book, and then we might just be given the tools to combat the nastier (broken) armies out there................oops........said too much...;)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
01-07-2008, 02:41
Battle 11: New Blood


It has been a few weeks since out fateful battle against the Xlanax. Many of our warhost were slain, but far more importantly, the warrior pride of the Saurus took a tremendous blow. Ara-kor has been in a dark mood since that battle, angrily reproaching himself for failing against the great enemies of the Old Ones. He has been hungering to redeem himself, yearning to erase the stain on his warrior pride. His chance may be coming sooner than he thinks.

We have hidden in a wood near the land that the New Ones call Sylvania. Nearby, I have sensed the presence of another Undead-- a vampire, and a powerful one at that. There is a very good chance that this abomination against the Old Ones' plans has a Shard, in which case it is imperative that we end its unlife and take the Shard from its undeserving hands. A victory over the Undead would do much to restore the battered pride of the warhost. If nothing else, we shall be doing the world a favour by ridding it of another vampire.

Already, the dark one has sensed us, and already, he advances on us with his cadaverous warhost. He marches to his doom, for we shall show him no mercy....

Just after my first game against the new Daemons, I also got my first game against...(drumroll) the new Vampire Counts! Just as in the last battle, I was a little nervous, seeing as I had heard all sorts of horror stories about the new Vampire Counts, and like with the Daemons, I really didn't have a good idea of what to expect (my fault for not reading enough articles or battle reports on the new Vampire Counts). I was also a little anxious, however, because my opponent for this game was...(drumroll) the Daemon player from the last game. He hadn't felt that our previous game had been a good battle either, so he offered me a chance for a second 2250-point game against his Vampire Counts, who, he assured me, weren't quite as powergamery as his Daemons (though the degrees of difference were left unclear). With a shrug, I accepted, and a-gaming we went.

My list:

Ara-kor (Oldblood)- Burning Blade of Chotec, Enchanted Shield, light armour, Aura of Quetzl, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Tlazcotl, Tepok & Quetzl- 288
Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, shield, Cloak of Feathers, Sacred Spawning of Sotek- 139
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls- 150
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, Cube of Darkness, Spawning of the Old Ones- 175
15 Saurus- full command- 210
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235

TOTAL: 2250


Vampire Count- Helm of Commandment, Power Stone, Ghoulkin, Summon Ghouls, Forbidden Lore
Necromancer- Black Periapt
Necromancer- Corpse Cart, 2 Power Stones
10 Ghouls
10 Ghouls
10 Ghouls
10 Ghouls
5 Dire Wolves
5 Dire Wolves
5 Black Knights
5 Black Knights
5 Black Knights
6 Blood Knights- banner, Royal Standard of Strigos
5 Blood Knights- banner

Already, I could see a HUGE difference from the previous Vampire Counts. Instead of ranks of Zombies and Skeletons, he instead had skirmish screens of....non-skirmishy Ghouls. The heavy emphasis on Knights didn't surprise me, though, but the presence of two units of Blood Knights was understandably worrying.


Terrain consisted of a wood in the middle of my deployment zone, another wood in the middle of the left flank, a big hill on the right flank, and zome more woods at the far, far upper right corner. From left to right, he put one unit of Ghouls and a unit of Black Knights, followed by another Ghoul unit, behind which were two Dire Wolf units and his characters. Next up was another Ghoul screen and more Black Knights, screening two Blood Knight units, while on the right he had more Ghouls and his final Black Knight unit. From left to right, I put down some javelin Skinks and Terradons, my Kroxigor, the blowpipe Skinks (and Oldblood), the Saurus (with Tlacepotl), and on the other side of the middle wood I put...surprise surprise...another Skink screen (behind which were another Krox unit), the Salamanders, two more Skink units (one of which were the Scouts, who, sadly, had no good terrain to Scout behind), behind which I put the Terradons and Steg. Kaxaan went into the upper-right wood, waiting to fly out and harass stuff.


Before my turn, all of the Ghouls in the army got a free move due to their Vampire's Ghoulkin rule, which pretty much left them all a very short distance from my force. (Boo!) I got the first turn (huzzay for me! Huzzay, I say!), I pretty much did the usual thing and advanced where it was prudent. My Skinks edged up cautiously, as did my combat units. On the right flank, my Terradons stayed put, figuring that they would get charged if they flew up to their full movement (though in retrospect, I should have sent them forwards immediately for the time-honoured practice of frenzy-baiting). On the left flank, however, the Terradons flew forward and landed near a wood, keeping out of the charge arcs of the nearby Ghouls and Black Knights. Ara-kor moved up with a Skink screen, ready to charge anything that got too close, and Kaxaan zoomed up near a hill, ready to harass-marchblock stuff by his lonesome self.

In the magic phase, I had cast only one spell, Forked Lightning, which was quickly and immediately dispelled. This did little for Tlaceptol's fragile ego, and the poor thing wound up sulking for almost the rest of the game.

I had nothing in shooting range, due to a miscalculation on the part of me and my Salamanders. In the Vampire count turn, his leftmost unit of Ghouls charged my left-flank Skinks, who wisely turned and fled, leaving them open to a charge from my Krox. Everything else in the Undead army moved forwards, with the Corpse Cart joining the second unit of Ghouls in the middle, and the Vampire and his other Necromancer servent moving back to join one unit of Dire Wolves (a Wolf Bunker? Who would have thought of it...). The Black Knights and Ghouls were all at the forefront of the Undead army, maneuvering so that the Blood Knights behind them had more LOS for next turn. All in all, there would be charges aplenty from the Vampire counts next turn, and I was hoping to do some hitting of my own first.

The Vampires opened their magic phase by activating the Corpse Cart's bound spell. I figured that I might as well stop their magic phase early, and used Ixcotl's Cube of Darkness to stop the spell. To my chagrin, however, I failed to roll the required 4+ to stop the enemy magic phase, rolling a 1 instead. Thankful that I had been wise enough to invest in the Spawning of the Old Ones, I re-rolled the Cube...and got a 3. My annoyed groan echoed across the field as my Cube of Darkness failed dismally, twice in a row. That's the last time I shop for Cubes at Wal-Mart.

The rest of the Undead magic phase was quite formidable. The Book of Arkhan was easily dispelled, as was Vanhel's from one of the Necros. The Vampire then cast Vanhel's himself, forcing me to scroll it to avoid a magical charge from the Ghouls. It was then, however, that I discovered that the Undead can now cast the same spell repeatedly, as the Vampire tried to cast Vanhel's a second time. He failed the second try, however, and I was about to sigh in relief at the fact that my opponent's luck was as bad as my own when the Necromancer on the Corpse Cart cast Vanhel's on his own. With no dice left to stop the spell, I could only groan as the Ghouls were propelled into my leftmost Kroxigor.

In the ensuing close combat, the Ghouls did one wound to the Krox. In reply, the Krox struck back...and quickly discovered that the Ghouls were WS7 due to some crazy magic item that the Vampire had (eliciting a "zomgwtf" from me). Despite hitting on 5's though, the Krox managed to kill 2 Ghouls, causing 2 more of them to crumble. (What? Ghouls crumble now? Okaaaaay....)

First turn, and I had already wasted a Cube and a scroll. Not good.


Charge time! Knowing that I had to get rid of those Ghouls if I wanted a chance of going after the Vampire further behind them, I hurled Ara-kor into the Ghoul/Krox combat. Elsewhere, my fleeing Skinks continued to flee, and all of my other Skink units advanced into javelin range. Seeing the foremost unit of Blood Knights exposed on the right flank, I edged my right-flank Krox back slightly, hoping to draw the Bloodies in with Skinks and counter-charge them with the Krox. Elsewhere, both units of Terradons angled around to javelin stuff, with my left-flank Terries zooming up behind the Vampire and his rather startled Wolves. While I knew they had dismal chances of actually hurting the Vampire, if they could at least wound him next turn (or kill his Necro buddy), then I would be happy. I can't remember what I did with Kaxaan...probably flew him around to march-block some Black Knights. In retrospect, what I SHOULD have done was charge him into the flank of some Blood Knights to force them to pursue away from my main army, but as they say, that's all in the benefit of hindsight.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl, still moping, nonetheless managed to cast Forked Lightning and successfully kill 1 of the leftmost Black Knights (whom, I discovered, didn't have barding, and so were stuck with only a 3+ save). Portent of Far from Ixcotl, however, was scrolled (since we ALL know how terrified Vampires are of fortune-tellers). Then came the much-anticipated shooting phase: the Salamanders and middle Skinks combined their fire and wiped out the middle Black Knights (at the expense of one Handler). On the right flank, my Skinks killed 3 Ghouls on the hill, and on the left flank, my Terradons headshotted another of the lightning-bolted Knights with a well-aimed javelin. So far, so good. My shooting phase was really putting a hurting on the Undead.
In close combat, Ara-kor charged in, unleashing 5 might attacks from his Burning Blade of Chotec....and killed one measly Ghoul. With a collective cry of "Haw haw!", the Ghouls killed the wounded Krox, though the Krox killed two more Ghouls in retaliation. After crumbling was done, one Ghoul was left, holding up both my Oldblood and Krox. Needless to say, I was really, really beginning to hate these Ghouls...

In the Undead turn, the depleted Black Knights on the right flank charged my fleeing Skinks, who fled some more. In the middle, meanwhile, my central Skink unit wound up recieving a charge from both the central Ghouls and the foremost unit of Blood Knights (the ones carrying the Strigos standard...great, Strigoi Blood Dragons). It was then and there that I noticed my error in distancing: the Skinks were too far from the Krox for my chances of fleeing to be very good. If they managed to escape the Knights' charge, then they might have wound up stranded in front of my Krox, preventing them from charging. Miffed, I elected to stand and shoot, deciding that, even though the Skinks were doomed, the Knights would hopefully roll low enough not to crash into my Kroxigor. In theory, anyway. In practice, I probably should have fled with them anyway. Stand and shoot, however, predictably did nothing to the heavily-armoured Knights.

On the right flank, meanwhile, the Ghouls on the hill charged my rightmost Skinks, losing 3 more of their number to javelins for their troubles, and leaving 4 left alive-ish from the unit. With charges done, everything else moved around, with the second unit of Dire Wolves edging back to threaten my leftmost Terradons, and both of the flanking units of Black Knights moving downwards. And with that, it was magic time. The Corpse Cart tried to use its bound ASF spell on the Blood Knights, but I dispelled it, hoping to charge the Knights next turn with my Krox. The Necromancer on foot then cast Invocation on the Ghouls in combat with the Krox and Oldblood, much to my surprise. I mean, how do you fluffily justify being able to resurrect Ghouls? Anyway, I let it go, and one piddly Ghoul came back to join in the fight. The Book of Arkhan was then dispelled, preventing the Wolves from charging the Terradons, but then the Vampire stepped up to the plate, casting his own Invocation on the leftmost Ghouls. Naturally, I failed to dispel it, and four more Ghouls were resurrected (at this point, I can't remember if I had any dispel scrolls left. If I did, then that makes this all the more embarassing). With a haughty guffaw, the Vampire then cast Vanhel's on the central Ghouls in combat with my Skinks, turning them into rerolling WS7 killing machines. As an encore, the Vampire then attempted to cast another Invocation with the aid of a power stone...and failed. He then shot the Necromancer next to him a dirty look for giving him a half-rate power stone (obviously gotten from the same place where Ixcotl got his Cube).

Although I had survived the magic phase, I now had a big, renewed block of 6 Ghouls fighting my Oldblood and Krox, all of whom were WS7. This pretty much meant that my drive to get to the Vampire Lord had just hit a rather big, snarling stumbling block. In close combat, those said Ghouls fought viciously, actually killing a second Kroxigor. My combined return attacks only succeeded in killing two Ghouls, though both units passed their leadership tests and held on. Elsewhere, I discovered firsthand how nasty Blood Knights really are as, bolstered by the Strigos Banner, the Blood Knights annihilated the Skinks and, contrary to my meek, whimpering hopes, overraun into my Kroxigor. The Ghouls who had been in the same combat overran into my Saurus, and, to rub salt into my wounds, my Salamanders freaked out at the sight of my Skink unit being turned into so much red pavement, and fled, taking Ixcotl with them. All in all, a very, very crappy turn of events.

On the rightmost combat, meanwhile, the Ghouls, despite hitting and wounding multiple times, only managed to kill 2 Skinks thanks to a lot of impressive armour saves on my part. The Skinks, however, did nothing back, and rather predictably fled, escaping the Ghouls but ending up right in front of my Stegadon, blocking him from charging next turn. Eeeeugh...someone please pass me an aspirin...


Thankfully for me, everything rallied in my turn, including the Sallies, though they wouldn't be able to shoot until next turn. With the Blood Knights deep in my lines, however, things were looking really, really bad, and I needed to take the initiative back. The Terradons on the right tried to charge the Corpse Cart in the flank, but, to my annoyance, failed their fear test (though they were out of range, anyway). My other Terradons might have tried and failed to charge the Vampire and his Dire Wolves as well, but I think they also failed their fear test. Everything else manouvered where they could, and Kaxaan moved up behind the rightmost Black Knights to march block them and hopefully charge the Corpse Cart or Wolves next turn (again, though, I should have charged him into the flank of the other Blood Knights to draw them out.) My Steg, unfortunately, could do nothing this turn due to the rallied Skinks who were standing in its charge path. Sometimes, I wonder if the Howdah Skinks ever suffer from road rage...

In the magic phase, Ixcotl managed to successfully cast Portent of Far on the Kroxigor engaged with the Blood Knights, and then the shooting phase commenced. The blowpipe Skinks double-tapped and killed another of the leftmost Black Knights, putting them below half-strength. My other right-flank Skink unit javelinned down another of the right-flank Ghouls, reducing them to three, and the Stegadon fired its Giant Bow at the unengaged Blood Knights and, predictably, missed. That, and my Terradons plinked off one of the Vampire's Dire Wolves. Oh wow, my shooting phase was so wonderful.

In the dreaded close combat phase, the Blood Knights unleashed 15 rerollable S7 attacks on the Kroxigor, turning them into a red mist before they could even strike back, and almost overrunning off the board. The Ghouls who had overrun into the Saurus, meanwhile, were still empowered by Vanhel's (which, being the dunce that I am, I had forgotten to dispel in the magic phase), but only managed to kill 1 Saurus, surprisingly ignoring my Skink Priest in the front rank. In reply, however, my Saurus needed 5s to hit the WS7 Ghouls, and failed to kill absolutely anything. They still won combat by benefit of ranks, outnumbering and a banner, and 3 Ghouls crumbled. Finally, Ara-kor picked up the slack in the leftmost combat, wiping out the last 4 Ghouls now that the Vampire had moved out of helming range of them. Hah, take that you, um...cannibal...things...

With that, the ball went back into the VC court (huhuhuhuh...I said "ball"...) On the leftmost flank, the last two Black Knights charged my recently-rallied Skinks, who bravely stood and shot...and did absolutely nothing. Elsewhere, the rightmost Ghouls charged the Skinks, who fled and let the Ghouls overrun into the Stegadon, while the right flank Black Knights charged my other Skinks, who also bravely fled and were run down, leaving the Knights sitting and waiting to be combo-charged by both Kaxaan and my Terradons. So far, so good; I was hoping that the Steg would crush the Ghouls and overrun into a charge arc on the second unit of Blood Knights (since the Steg doesn't care about high weapon skill where impact hits are concerned).

SOMEHOW, though, I forgot to take into consideration the fact that the Knights would be moving this turn (gaaaaasp!) After making sure that no one was in frenzy-and-charge range, the 2nd Blood Knights tentatively moved up, while the other Knights, the ones who had already munched through my Krox, wheeled around towards the left. Meanwhile, the Vampire Lord and his attendant Dire Wolves, along with the Corpse Cart, moved up next to the second Black Knights, trying to put as much distance as possible between them and Ara-kor, while sending the second unit Dire Wolves up as a speed bump in front of the Oldblood. The thus-far inactive Ghouls, meanwhile, turned to face the leftmost Terradons. In my head, a thought formed along the lines of "Hah, I can see through your clever ploy, Mr. Vampire! You're setting your units up for several magical charges, aren't you? Bah! I will have no difficulty in containing your pitiful magic phase. Vegeta, what does the scouter say about how many power dice he has?"



"WHAT? OVER TEN POWER DICE?" Apparently, I had quite forgotten about the Black Periapt that the Necromancer was carrying. And the numerous bound spells the VC player was carrying. And the fact that I had no more scrolls (or rather, DID have a scroll, but had actually forgotten that at the time, what with my usual tendency to eat up scrolls and whatnot). To put it bluntly, ladies and gentlemen, I was well and truly fudged.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
01-07-2008, 02:42
In the magic phase (re: weeping phase for me), the Corpse Cart failed, I dispelled the Book of Arkhan, and....thats it. The Necromancer then used a Power Stone to propel the second Blood Knights into the Salamanders, who, along with Ixcotl, proceeded to flee off the board. The rightmost Ghouls were propelled into the Terradons about to harass the Vampire, who also fled, and the Vampire Lord raised 5 Zombies in front of Ara-kor and his Kroxigor buddy, giving the Oldblood a rude gesture as he did so. Finally, to rub salt into wounds, the Lord then proceeded to Vanhel the Ghouls in combat with the Saurus. Just bleeping great.

In close combat, the Ghouls attacking the Stegadon actually managed to kill one of the Skinks in the howdah. The Steg they were riding must not have gotten a lot of sleep from the night before, as it only crushed one Ghoul in return, crumbling another and leaving two to tie the big guy up. The Ghouls fighting the Saurus, meanwhile, jacked up on a mixture of Vanhel's, the Helm of Commandment, and a few steroids, went nuts, killing 5 of my reptiles for no loss in return. Understandably, the Saurus turned and ran, taking Tlacepotl with them, and barely managed to escape the Ghouls. A full unit of Saurus beaten by a mere seven Ghouls...oh the shame of it all...

Oh, and elsewhere, the lone two Black Knights killed a whopping four of my rallied Skinks and ran the rest down. Typical.


In my turn, my options were now very, very limited. My Oldblood and Krox had a Zombie screen standing between them and the Vampire, and most of my forces were either fleeing or bogged down in useless combats. There was little I could do now to get back in the game, but hopefully, if I could smash through the Zombies and overrun into the Vampire, I might be able to kill him and get his army to start crumbling. With this is mind, both Ara-kor and the Krox charged the Zombie screen. Elsewhere, I was looking to claw some points back, and so Kaxaan and the Terradons declared charges on the rear and front of the rightmost Black Knights, respectively. Well...that is, until Kaxaan, being the coward that he is, failed his fear test and left the Terradon to face the Knights on their own (which is a pity, as that Sword of Might would have been really, really helpful).

Elsewhere, my Saurus rallied...right in front of the first unit of Blood Knights. The same could not be said for my left-flank Terradons, who proceeded to flee the board. Rats. There was nothing else that could manouver, so I went straight to magic. Tlacepotl obliged by casting Forked Lighting on the Saurus-killing unit of Ghouls, killing two, while my blowpiper Skinks near the centre of the board (who hadn't moved this turn) shot down two more, leaving a pitiful three left. Small points, I knew, and ones that wouldn't help me at all given how badly I was losing by.

In close combat, I discovered once again how much I really, really, really hated the Helm of Commandment. If not for it, then Ara-kor would probably have killed about four Zombies, but as it stood, he killed...ahem...absolutely NOTHING.

DUN DUN DUUUUUN! (http://www.memecat.com/images/memes/dramatic_look.jpg)

The Kroxigor, following Ara-kor's stalwart example, killed absolutely nothing as well, and the Zombies, thinking this was all rather fun (well, they would have, if they had brains), did nothing as well. So, in summary, an expensive Oldblood and a Kroxigor did absolutely NOTHING on the charge against a piddly unit of Zombies. Thankfully, the two held, but I now saw my already dismal chances of pulling out a draw slip away completely.

Elsewhere, the Stegadon stomped down the last two Ghouls. The Terradons ripped open one Black Knight, but then lost one of their number in return, forcing them to hit and run out of combat. Stupid Kaxaan, not showing up with his stupid Sword of Might...grumble mutter grumble...

In the Vampire turn, the Black Knights charged their Terradon oppressors, who bravely held their ground after standing and shooting did absolutely nada. The Strigos Blood Knights moved out of the woods to get some line of sight on the flank of my rallied Saurus, their Ghoul oppressors from last turn moved down as well, and the 2nd Blood Knights angled to face the flank of my Stegadon. Oh yes, and the General and his crew once again teasingly moved away from my Oldblood, the git.

In the magic phase, he opened the festivities with the Book of Arkhan. I wanted to save what few dispel dice he had against...well, something nastier than the book, and threw one dispel dice into stopping it. Naturally, I failed, and the 1st Blood Knights were propelled into the surprised flank of my Saurus. Fate has a nice way of kicking me when I'm down, as the Necromancer on foot then proceeded to miscast and end the magic phase, which meant I could have actually used all my dice to save the Saurus. Wow. Nice one there, Fate. Real polite of you.

And with that, it was down to the numbingly painful combat phase. The Blood Knights, whipped into a hatred by their hateful banner of hatey hate, annihilated the Saurus and Tlacepotl in one fell swoop (I think they did, at any rate...I was closing my eyes and mumbling "tell me when it's over" at the time). The Black Knights, meanwhile, skewered one Terradon. The last Terradon fought well, killing a Knight in return, but was run down as it tried to flee. Finally, in his battle against the deadly Ws7 kung-fu zombies, Ara-kor managed to kill...ahem...one Zombie. The Krox killed killed another, and in return took a wound from an impromptu severed leg/club. Still, two more Zombies crumbled thanks to outnumbering...leaving one, piddly Zombie standing between Ara-kor and the Vampire. Part of me was severely tempted to just throw in the towel at this point, but I kept on trekking.


In my turn...well, there wasn't much I could do. I had no spellcasters, no way of manouvering, no nothing. Mind you, I could have chosen to move my blowpipe Skinks, but by this point, the sheer and utter destruction of my forces had left me completely jaded and uncaring as to what happened next. So, with no movement or magic, (aside from the Stegadon pivoting to face the 2nd Blood Knights, and Kaxaan failing his fear test to charge the Corpse Cart...AGAIN), I just skipped right to the shooting phase.

In said shooting phase, the blowpipe Skinks annihilated the last 3 central Ghouls, while the Stegadon...missed. Predictably, though, the last Zombie, pitted against an angry Oldblood and a severely annoyed Kroxigor, was brutally eviscerated, crushed, mangled and pulped in ways that would make George Romero proud.

By this point, though, it was too little, too late. The first unit of Blood Knights, succumbing to frenzy, charged my blowpipers, ignoring their stand and shoot reaction, while the second Blood Knight unit charged the Stegadon, and the last Ghoul unit (which had moved down last turn) was propelled via Book of Arkhan into my Kroxigor, narrowly avoiding coming into contact with Ara-kor as well. All combats ended with predictable results: the blowpipers were reduced to a fine paste on the ground, and, more shockingly, the other Blood Knights absolutely skewered my poor Stegadon, who, with a dying gurgle of "omg hax," toppled over with a crash. And, finally, the last Kroxigor got poisoned to death by the WS7 Ghouls, who overran into Ara-kor.

At this point, I sighed and threw in the towel. Well, as a small consolation, at least I had lasted up to turn 5 this time...

Vampire Counts: 2250 (because apparently a forfeit equals an automatic massacre)
Lizards: 600-something



Okay, deep breaths, deeeeeep breaths....I will not whine, or curse, or rant about the brokenness of the new Vampire Counts and the general unfairness of life. No, not at all. I will not say how ridiculously evil the Helm of Commandment is, or how downright ludicrous it is that you can use Invocation of Nehek on Ghouls...deeeeep breaths....

Well, to be fair, I actually did a LOT better in this game, and I lost primarily due to factors of luck and brain-farting rather than any severe brokenness on the Vampire Counts' part. As the Vampire player himself pointed out to me, the game was a lot closer and tenser than the final points tally indicated: there were several instances where it looked like my forces were poised to absolutely shatter his, most notably when his Vampire Lord found himself being threatened by Terradons from the north and Ara-kor and the Kroxigor from the southwest. And I would have taken that Vampire's smug, fanged head too, if it weren't for those meddling kids...I mean, dice. Once again, props to my opponent, who out-played me, fair and square, and who was a great guy to play against.

There are a number of crucial reasons why I lost this game. Firstly, I failed to bait and draw the Blood Knights away from an early stage, and this ultimately cost me, as those said Blood Knights proceeded to tear through most of my army. As the Vampire player pointed out, once the Blood Knights got the charge off on turn 2 and mulched through my Kroxigor, the game swung rapidly out of my favour. I had half a billion skirmishy/flying units to draw the Blood Knights out, and I failed to use any of them to that effect. Next, the dice betrayed me in this game: whether it was my flying units' repeated failed fear tests (thus preventing crucial charges), or my Oldblood constantly fluffing his attacks, crucial dice rolls ultimately saved a lot of the Vampire Counts' pricey characters and units (never mind my Cube of Darkness failing TWICE IN A ROW). Oh, and speaking of which, forgetting about my second dispel scroll wasn't very smart, either.

And third, I was unprepared to face some of the Vampires' nastier tricks. The Helm of Dodgey Gaynes-- er, I mean, Commandment-- absolutely ruined me. I mean...conga lines of WS7 Ghouls? How on earth do you fight that in close combat, especially when they've been bolstered by Vanhel's? The Ghouls vs Saurus fight is a good example of how potent the Vanhels-Ghoul-Helm combination can be, especially since they also held my Oldblood up indefinitely and badly mauled the neighbouring Ghouls. If my Oldblood had been hitting on 3's as was normal, then he would have munched right through all of the intervening Undead stuff to get to the soft, chewy Vampire and introduce him to the Blade of Don't-Care-About-Your-Armour-Save-Or-Regen.

I discussed with the VC player at the end of the game on what I could have done better in this battle. Aside from rolling better, he pointed out that my army list really wasn't suited to fighting Vampires-- that I needed more solid blocks of ranked Saurus in my list. Although I partially agree with him (given that ranks are always great against VC, and I like Saurus), after seeing what his Ghouls and Blood Knights could do, I'm a little hesitant about throwing expensive Saurus blocks out to play against a list like that. Even he admitted afterwards that, as far as VC lists go, his was pretty much as powergamery as you could get. Rest assured, I won't have to face a list like that again anytime soon, since he is retiring it in favour of...well, Daemons, I guess.

Overall, for my first game against the new Vampire Counts, I guess I did alright (even though I was totally unprepared for some of the nastiness they have to offer). Besides which, it could have been worse...I could have been facing 3 units of 10 Cairn Wraiths...

Stay tuned, as next time....LoNC might actually WIN for once!

Gabacho Mk.II
01-07-2008, 04:53
Quite interesting.

Thanks for the batrep, as usual! :evilgrin:

Hope the new 7th ed Lizardmen can cut the mustard against high magic armies... :eyebrows:

01-07-2008, 05:00
I saw the list. Went OMG HAX. Went OMGZOMFGWTFHAXXORZ!!111eleventymillion1!1. And then, I wept.

01-07-2008, 05:07
That's an interesting VC list. A pretty risky one too. That general of his is pretty weak and with your fast units you could have taken him out and get an easy win. But I guess you have to break through that ghouls screen first.

Wolf bunker? Odd...

Mark of the old ones on the cube. Good idea... I never thought of that.

You can flee a vanhels charge if you want you know.

The helm can only be used on one unit. He can't make several units in the same phase WS7.

Anyway, good report. Sorry you took such a beating : (

01-07-2008, 13:54

Wretched undead.

01-07-2008, 14:22
Also, I'm fairly certain only Invocation of Nemeikemk can be spam-cast multiple times - Van Hels is a one-shot. Your opponent probably played it right, there was a point in your batrep that sounded otherwise, is all.

Thanks for the report, good read and very detailed. Sadly, it was against the Counts ... I'm of the opinion that new Vamps are fairly busted, but the list you played against wasn't. Didn't have some of the major 'tricks' that most lists do, and 2x blood knights? Rare I hear of 1 unit of them hitting the table!

But all the same, thanks, way to stick it out to Turn 5 and better luck next time.

- Salvage

Andrew Luke
01-07-2008, 14:52
Vanhels is only once for movement, you can cast it again for the fighty bonuses. You really flopped your mobility advantages this game. His blood knights should have been chasing terradons the entire game while you gunned for his general. Your oldblood is M9, and could have just walked around the ghould screens and charged his 'wolf bunker' and annihilated his general, game over. You did get fairly screwed on some of the rolls tho lol

01-07-2008, 15:20
Great BatRep but hard luck on the loss, least you weren't fighting a really high powered Vamp list though, I thought you stood a good chance when I noticed the Vamps were relatively magic light, but you didn't really have that much dispelling power, I think you really need dice against Vamp Counts magic, scrolls aren't that much use against spammed easy to cast spells.

01-07-2008, 15:26
The only thing done wrong by the looks of it is that he seemed to be counting Vanhels is both players phases, when it only works in the next combat phase, not both. Might have confused it with Corpse Cart miasma though :)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
02-07-2008, 03:51
The helm can only be used on one unit. He can't make several units in the same phase WS7.

ORLY? Thanks for that info. The Helm has just stepped down from "broken" to "actually pretty good" in my book. As for him making several units WS7, that was probably just my confusion over the item in writing this report.

On a side note, Malorian, though I've been putting it off for a while, I'm definitely going to start reading your VC battle series. I have to start learning the Undead's tricks somehow, after all.=)

Vanhels is only once for movement, you can cast it again for the fighty bonuses. You really flopped your mobility advantages this game. His blood knights should have been chasing terradons the entire game while you gunned for his general. Your oldblood is M9, and could have just walked around the ghould screens and charged his 'wolf bunker' and annihilated his general, game over. You did get fairly screwed on some of the rolls tho lol

True enough. I was gunning for the general the whole game, but sadly, he ranked his Ghouls, Zombies, etc, far too wide for my march-blocked general to get past. I agree, though, that I simply played like a ***** in this game. I forgot completely about the Blood Knights' frenzy, and that with Lizardmen, I could work that to my advantage.

The only thing done wrong by the looks of it is that he seemed to be counting Vanhels is both players phases, when it only works in the next combat phase, not both. Might have confused it with Corpse Cart miasma though :)

Yeah, that's probably confusion on my part. I'm still new to the VC's new spell repertoire, so I probably confused the Cart for Vanhel's. Bear in mind that his two Necros were also casting Vanhel's, though.

Great BatRep but hard luck on the loss, least you weren't fighting a really high powered Vamp list though, I thought you stood a good chance when I noticed the Vamps were relatively magic light, but you didn't really have that much dispelling power, I think you really need dice against Vamp Counts magic, scrolls aren't that much use against spammed easy to cast spells.

I had 5 dispel dice, 2 scrolls and a Cube. At the time, I thought that would help me plenty, but the VC player proved me wrong on that one. Come to think of it, I lost almost purely because I couldn't contain his evil, evil magic phase.

Thanks for the replies, everyone!

02-07-2008, 11:25
to beat vampire counts all you have to do is kill the count. this garentees you a win in my book, thus your whole army should be about killing the vamp. this is easier if its a casty one (like this one and mine). you didn't do badly at all. as always a fantastic report! go the lisards (in the future)

03-07-2008, 07:11
I love reading your battle reports, keep going man.

03-07-2008, 10:37
What a shame you play the same cheesy player twice in a row, if thinks that 15 Black Knights and 11 Blood Knights is a friendly list, then he needs examining...
Dont bother playing this guy again, the only thing you will learn is 'hate'....

However as people pointed out, you could have done much better, Blood Knights are a big waste of points when up against fleeing skirmishers, thank god you were not facing wraiths and banshees, cause then you would have been in trouble..

VC's are hard but only when zombie spamming, this leaves a weak general (much weaker then in 6th Ed), do what ever you can to kill him and you will win the game..

By the way your hatred of ghouls is not justified, us VC players would love to have the old ghouls back, the ability to skirmish and flee is sorely missed. Remember they are no longer alive any more and count as undead............

Excellent BR again though fella, keep em up!

03-07-2008, 18:08
What a shame you play the same cheesy player twice in a row, if thinks that 15 Black Knights and 11 Blood Knights is a friendly list, then he needs examining...
Dont bother playing this guy again, the only thing you will learn is 'hate'....

What are you talking about? It sounded like the VC player was a nice guy. I would infinitely prefer to play a nice powergamer than a fluffloving ***** (i also like the fluff important is the *****) with a weak army list.

By the way your hatred of ghouls is not justified, us VC players would love to have the old ghouls back, the ability to skirmish and flee is sorely missed. Remember they are no longer alive any more and count as undead............

I think your pretty wrong. Each VC list I've seen features at least one unit of ghouls, most have 2 ore 3. Ghouls are simply amazing for their point cost, more surviveability and way more hitting power than a skeleton for the same price? Yes, please! In the last version, ghouls were a rare sight.

Anaway, congratualation LoNC on this superbly written battlereport. The luck will return and against such an opponent you will have learned a lot.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
04-07-2008, 04:40
Definitely agree with Asfaloth. He was a nice guy to play against, and if you gotta learn to play against an army, you might as well start with one of the tougher lists.

Thanks for the feedback, people! Expect another report fairly soon!

04-07-2008, 18:41
What are you talking about? It sounded like the VC player was a nice guy.

Definitely agree with Asfaloth. He was a nice guy to play against, and if you gotta learn to play against an army, you might as well start with one of the tougher lists.

Never talked about his disposition, I'm sure he was a nice guy, bettre bloody be with lists like that. No what i said was that his lists were horrible, he comes up with an awful daemon list, then promises an easier VC list and comes out with that nightmare, sorry both lists were hard as nails...

I think your pretty wrong. Each VC list I've seen features at least one unit of ghouls, most have 2 ore 3. Ghouls are simply amazing for their point cost, more surviveability and way more hitting power than a skeleton for the same price? Yes, please! In the last version, ghouls were a rare sight.

Erm no I'm pretty much right on that one, losing a fleeing alive unit was a big blow, ghouls were used pretty much in every competitive list I saw in UK.
New ghouls are used because you only have to have 10 minimum and in no way are they better than skeletons apart from that unit size bonus.

I know most VC players in my London club would love to have the old skirmishers back....

I think the big shock in this battle was the use of the helm of commandment combined with Spamming ION and Vanhels...... Can be real nasty, but wait till you see units of WS7 Skeletons with massed CR, 4+AS in CC and +2 raised (with aid of corpse cart) extra every ION spell cast on one dice on a 2 (with the rod and lord of the dead), now that's nasty! :evilgrin:

Anywho as i said keep up the good work..

04-07-2008, 19:32
All spells fail on a 1 or a 2 reguardless of your bonuses. So they either use 2 dice per raise or run a 33% chance of failure.

05-07-2008, 18:58
Yep you're right on that one, VC player I was watching cast ION's on 2's must have got confused....

07-07-2008, 03:51
hey your from Tor? you play at the new bunker?

also going back to the daemon battle I think your opponent was wrong about the ASF seekers. The demonettes entry (page 39) has the locus of slannesh special rule that gives them ASF with a herald in the unit.

the seeker demonnettes don't have that rule on thier listing (page 43)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
07-07-2008, 19:42
Battle 12: My Kingdom For a Pegasus


After our strong of losses against the Xlanax and Undead, our forces shifted westwards, making our way through the warmblood lands as we searched for shards in more readily accessible locations. Doing so proved to be more difficult than we initially anticipated, as we were frequently forced to use magic or the sacred Gate to avoid rousing the attention of the locals. The last thing we needed was to rouse the attention of entire warmblood armies.

It was roughly three lunar cycles ago that my scrying determined that a shard would appear at a specific location on a specific date, somewhere in the southwest of the main continent. The warhost duly Gated there, and arrived in a broad plain dominated by what appeared to be a seven thousand year-old pyramid. The pyramid itself appeared to be of Elven design, though its purpose remained unclear. Ara-kor expressed a desire to smash open the pyramid to see if a Shard was within, but I disagreed, and so the host chose to wait and see what happened next.

We didn't wait long. A host of human horse-riders soon arrived, along with a supporting group of dishevelled-looking infantrymen. By their warlike stance and pennants, it was clear that they intended to to battle with us. Although we had not taken any Saurus on this expedition, we nonetheless prepared for battle, determined that these humans should not defeat us so easily.

Recently, during one 40k night at my local hobby store, I ran into a Fantasy player who had brought his Bretonnians along. Seeing as I had also brought my Lizards, we decided to have a quick game while there was a table lasting. Because 40k players were steadily coming in, however, we decided to make it a 1000 point game so it would go quicker.

My list was as follows:

The Warhost of Ux-Mal

Scar-Veteran- great weapon, light armour, shield, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Aura of Quetzl, Spawnings of Quetzl and Sotek- 178
Skink Priest- 2 dispel scrolls- 115
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamanders-195

Total: 957

Those Guys on Horses

Paladin- Royal Pegasus, lance, Biting Blade, heavy armour, Grail Shield, Grail Vow, Virtue of the Penitent
Paladin- Battle Standard Bearer, barded warhorse, stuff
Damsel- level 2
20 Men-at-Arms- full command
9 Knights of the Realm- full command
5 Grail Knights- full command, War Banner


There was a big pyramid in the centre of the battlefield. On the right hand side was a hill in the centre and a marsh in the north, and on the left hand side were several hills and some woodland. The Bretonnian player put his Realm Knights on the left and his Grail Knights (with BSB) next to them on the right, and put his Men-at-Arms (with Damsel) and Paladin further right. In response, I put my Terradons and blowpiper Skinks on the left flank, my Javelins in the centre (with the Krox behind them), and the Salamanders (with Ara-kor and Tlacepotl) on the right. Finally, the Scouts hid behind a hill in the upper right hand corner, ready to harass the Men at Arms.

For magic, I gave Tlacepotl Portent of Far, while the Damsel rolled the Howler Wind and Rain Lord.


Before I could even roll the dice to see who went first, the Bretonnians, in an excellent display of priorities, elected to pray, giving my Lizzies the first turn. The Scouts marched out of cover right next to the Men at Arms, hoping to harass them next turn, or, more importantly, draw the Paladin away from the main battle. The Salamanders moved a full 6 inches onto the hill towards the Men at Arms (after Ara-kor and Tlacepotl left the unit, that is), and the two other units of Skinks moved forwards as well, with the centre unit moving up a full 12 inches to bait the Grail Knights, while the Krox and Ara-kor both advanced and prepared for the inevitable counter-charge. The Terradons swooped down the left flank towards the Knights of the Realm, being careful to stay out of their charge arc.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl cast Portent of Far on the Salamanders, which the Damsel, being the Born Again Lady of the Lakeite that she is, neglected to dispel due to her intense concentation on prayer. It was a wasted effort, though, as the Salamanders were a few inches out of range of the Men at Arms, thus sparing the Skinks (and Knights) the hilarious sight of the Peasants suddenly catching fire in mid-prayer.

With their prayers to Watery Tart...er, I mean, the Lady...completed, the Bretonnians began their general advance. The Paladin took the Scout bait and charged them, ignoring their piddly stand and shoot reaction. Similarly, the Grail Knights charged the Skinks: although the Bretonnian player knew it was a trap, he felt that he could still catch the Skinks and overrun into the Kroxigor. Clearly, his faith in his Grail Knights was misplaced, as the Skinks not only escaped but fled behind Ara-kor and the Krox, who both passed their panic tests and began to smile at the Grail Knights, sharpening their big metal axes all the while.

Elsewhere, the Knights of the Realm moved down on the other side of the pyramid, splitting off from the Grail Knights to go after my other Skinks. The Men-at-Arms, though, remained stationary, as they were too busy leering at the Damsel in their midst to pay attention to the battle. In the magic phase, the Damsel tried to invoke the Howler Wind to cancel my Salamander shooting, but Tlacepotl whipped out a dispel scroll. With no shooting (because why use firepower when you have lots of big, pointy sticks?), the Bretonnians moved straight to combat. Predictably, the Paladin and his overgrown winged horsie killed four Scouts, who ran and were trampled down in the ensuing pursuit. That said pursuit left the Paladin in the upper right corner of the battlefield, far, far away from the fighting.

So far, so good, I thought. I had successfully drawn the Bretonnians' fighty units where I wanted them. Now we just had to see how the dice held out.


With the Grail Knights and their wonderfully ornate Battle Standard sitting in front of them, it would have been rude for Ara-kor and the Kroxigor not to say hello, and they went and did just that. Sadly, due to my positioning, Ara-kor had to hit the front rather than the side of the unit, which meant that one Kroxigor was left out of combat. Still, that was a lot of strength 7 attacks heading the Bretonnians' way, so I wasn't complaining. With the rest of my movement, my Terradons zoomed behind the Realm Knights to harass them further, my Skinks and Sallies edged up, and my fleeing Skinks rallied.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl again tried to Portent the Sallies, but this time the Damsel managed to dispel it, even as she tried to fend off the amorous advances of the Men at Arms. In the shooting phase, the Salamanders opened up on those aforementioned Peasants, and roasted a mighty two of them. And ate three handlers. The Terradons, meanwhile, were obviously more intent on annoying the Realm Knights than actually killing them, as their javelins simply bounced off.

Eagerly, I moved straight to the combat phase. One of the Grail Knights moved forward to challenge Ara-kor, who had no choice but to accept. It was then that I remembered that Grail Knights are WS5. Ara-kor managed to score only one hit on his opponent, and this hit proceeded to bounce off the Knight's custom force field(TM). The Grail Knight and his horsie failed to do anything response, and the challenge ended in a draw. The Kroxigor also performed dismally, with most of their hits simply bouncing off of the Knights' 5+ ward, and only one Grail Knight was felled. The Knights scored one wound back, and after combat resolution was tallied, the Lizards had lost by 4. To my chagrin, both units then proceeded to break and run, with the Grail Knights pursuing and wiping out the Kroxigor.

Hmm, well that could have gone better.

In the Bretonnian turn, the Grail Knights, seeing the javelin Skinks right in front of them, gave a great cry of "Tally-ho, wot wot!" and charged them. Understandably, the Skinks fled, and understandably, were run down, leaving the Grails at the bottom of my table edge. The Knights of the Realm also charged my blowpipe Skinks on the left flank, who also fled, but got away. Finally, from the corner of the board, the Paladin charged the Salamanders, who held. Holding turned out to be a pretty good move on my part, as the Paladin wound up being significantly out of charge range and ended up out in the open and well within barbequing range.

The Men-at-Arms once again held their ground and tried to cop a feel on the Damsel, who once again tried to cast the Howler Wind. Once again, Tlacepotl scrolled it, ending the Bretonnians' attempts at weather control.


With no charges in my turn, everything now depended on my l33t rallying skillz. Ara-kor rallied, now that those nasty Grail Knights had gone right past him, but the blowpipe Skinks continued to flee, obviously remembering that they had forgotten to Teevo Lost. The Salamanders held their ground now that their prey was in burninating range, while the Terradons zoomed down the battlefield and landed behind the Grail Knights, hoping to stall them for as long as possible before they could charge again.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl once again found his attempts at Portention thwarted by the Damsel, so I moved on to shooting. The Salamanders, having had their fill of handlers, this time did their job and landed 12 hits on the Paladin and his horsie. Due to some bad wounding rolls, though, the Pegasus only took 1 wound, as did the Paladin (I actually nearly killed the Paladin then and there, but his blessing ward saved him at the last minute. Stupid cheatery Bretonnians, calling in divine intervention...) The Terradons, meanwhile, surprised us both by killing one Grail Knight with their javelins, impaling him from a very uncomfortable angle.

With no close combat for me, we moved onto the Bret turn. The slightly-singed Paladin charged the Salamanders, who held. The Realm Knights edged down slightly, ready to charge the blowpipers if they rallied, and the Grail Knights turned around to face the centre of the battlefield (and those mean Terradons). Again, though, the Men-at-Arms simply did nothing, figuring that the Paladin could take care of the Salamanders by himself.

In the magic phase, the Damsel tried to cast Howler Wind again (for...some...reason...), but as she was chanting, one of the Peasants was brave enough to slap her on the bum. This caused her to cry out in alarm, mispronounce some rustic syllable, and miscast, losing both a wound and a magic level. The slightly-charred Damsel turned around and glared at the offending Peasant, who could only smile sheepishly.

In close combat, the Paladin did what he did best and went ka-stabby, inflicting two wounds on one Salamander before the Pegasus finished it off with a Boot to the Head(TM). In reply, the Salamanders scored another wound on the Pegasus, and thanks to Ara-kor's nearby leadership, they held their ground, obviously hungry for horsemeat.


Again, I had no charges (since the Salamanders were blocking Ara-kor's LOS to the Paladin), so I simply skipped to the movement phase. Ara-kor zoomed up to get LOS to the Paladin's flank, and the Terradons flew behind the Grail Knights, taunting them and throwing insults about the species and body odour of the Knights' parents. Oh yes, and the blowpipers fled off the board completely. Huzzah!

The magic phase was again a no-no, and I had only one unit that could shoot. That unit, the Terradons, once again surprised me by plinking off another Grail Knight with their javelins, leaving just two and the Battle Standard Bearer. So far, my Terries were doing far more damage in the shooting phase than the Salamanders had.

In close combat, the Paladin wounded one of the Salamanders, while the Pegasus wounded it again. In reply, however, the Salamanders clamped their jaws on the Pegasus and finally dragged it down, killing it. Combat was a draw, and the poor Paladin was now left on foot.

In his turn, he about-faced the Knights Errant, seeing that the blowpipers were no more, and tried to advance them back to the middle of the battlefield. The Grail Knights, meanwhile, tried to advance towards the Salamander combat, though they were slowed considerably by the Terradons march-blocking them. And finally, the Men-at-Arms actually advanced (gaaaasp!), marching up so that they could help out the Paladin next turn. Assuming he survived that long, that is.

In the magic phase, the Damsel, still reeling from her earlier miscast, failed to cast anything. In close combat, the Paladin really didn't do much to give the Peasants much confidence, as he completely failed to wound the Salamanders. In reply, however, the Salamanders couldn't get past his armour and Grail Shield. Although the Sallies won combat, the Paladin, like all stereotypical heroes, was on some sort of penitent quest to redeem himself, and in boringly heroic fashion, stubbornly fought on.


At this point, the Grail Knights had been badly reduced in number. I needed to get some points back, so I charged Ara-kor into the unit's front and the Terradons into their rear. Naturally, the Grails stood and took it. That was more or less it as far as movement went-- everything else was dead or in combat.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl again fluffed, and I went straight to combat....

Ara-kor gave vent to a roar of pure exhilaration, thrilling in the feeling of the hunt as he raced towards the warmbloods and their mammalian riding-beasts. His toothed greatsword was clenched firmly in his clenched hands as he ran forwards, his powerful legs carrying him in great leaps and bounds with speed akin to that of a Horned One. In less than a second, he had covered the distance between himself and the knights, and lunged, raising his obsinite weapon for the kill...

One of the human knights brought his mount up between Ara-kor and the battle standard bearer, raising a shield to deflect Ara-kor's blow. The toothed weapon slammed home, and proceeded to shatter the shield in a shower of wood chips. There was an audible crunch of bone, and the Grail Knight silently withdrew his broken arm and slashed at Ara-kor, even as, further back, the Terradons swooped down on the rest of the human knights with predatory shrieks. The Scar-Leader, however, landed with a crouch, easily avoiding the swing, and lunged forwards, clamping his powerful jaws around the throat of the knight's horse. The beast's whinny of fear turned into a dying gurgle as Ara-kor ripped its throat out in a welter of blood, and slowly, the horse toppled over, taking its rider with it. The Grail Knight was squick, pulling himself free from his dead mount and springing upwards, slashing at Ara-kor...

...only for the Scar-Leader to catch the Knight's sword arm in one scaled hand. With a low growl, the Saurus clenched his fist, shattering the bones of the man's arm like glass as his armour crumpled and tore under his iron grip. The Knight didn't even have time to scream, however, before Ara-kor's jaws closed in, closing around the human's helmed head. There was a wet snap, and the human's body went limp.

Tossing the Knight's ruined corpse aside, Ara-kor looked up to see the other Grail Knight fall, his body ripped open by the Terradons' beaks, while the enemy battle standard bearer was bleeding from an ugly wound in his torso. Desperately slashing his sword back and forth, the Paladin succeeded in scoring a glancing blow across a Terradon's front, sending the shrieking beast flapping backwards. Seeing an opening, the Battle Standard Bearer kicked his horse and broke into a charge, eager to escape this one-sided melee.

He didn't get far, though, before his horse collapsed under him, its innards splashing to the ground. As the Paladin tumbled to the ground, his standard dropping, the last thing the Paladin saw was Ara-kor standing in front of him, roaring as he brought his bloodied sword swinging down...

Ara-kor got challenged by a Grail Knight, but this time the Scar-Veteran actually killed his opponent. The Terradons then proceeded to not only kill the last Grail Knight, but also wounded the BSB. In reply, the BSB wounded a Terrie, but still lost combat. To everyone's surprise, he THEN proceeded to botch his leadership twice in a row, drop his banner and run screaming like a little girl. Obligingly, Ara-kor chased and caught him.

In the other combat, Mr. Hero once again failed to hurt the Sallies, once again took no damage in return, and once again held his ground.

The Bretonnian player was now pretty far behind after losing both his Grails and his BSB in one turn, and was desperate to claw back some points. The Men-at-Arms tried to charge the Sallies to help out the Paladin, but, after failing their fear test, they instead shuffled their feet a bit, and muttered that they'd never really liked that guy anyway. The Knights of the Realm continued to march back to the centre of the battlefield, desperate to get back into the action.

The Damsel's magic was dispelled, and we went straight to combat. For the third time in a row, the Paladin botched his attacks, but stuck around. This guy was truly getting annoying.

At that point, however, there were 40k players coming in, and the Bretonnian player simply shrugged and said that he probably wasn't going to win this one, and forfeited.

The remaining Bretonnians rode off into the distance, eager to put as much distance between themselves and the "scaled devils" as possible. In their wake, the Lizardmen stood silently and sombrely, surrounded by the bodies of the slain. Though both sides had been bloodied in this engagement, it was but a minor skirmish. The warmbloods would return, the Lizardmen knew, and in greater numbers.

Tlacepotl edged closer to the fallen body of the Bretonnian standard bearer. His body had been sheared completely in half by Ara-kor's blade, and he now lay in two pieces on the ground, staining the grass beneath him with his blood. His face couldn't be seen, obscured by one of the metal visors that the human knights commonly wore. Ara-kor was standing over his kill, gazing down silently at the dead human like some inscrutable statue.

Wordlessly, Tlacepotl shuffled over to the human's fallen standard. The banner, depicting a human woman holding some sort of ornate cup, was spattered with the human's blood. Walking up to the top ot the haft, the Skink Priest noticed a small stone pendant tied to it, forged in the likeness of some odd flower. Grabbing the stone, Tlacepotl concentrated and muttered a word of power. The pendant instantly shattered, the loose stone falling away and quickly turning to dust. Underneath all the stone lay a sliver of obsidian crytsal, glinting coldly in the setting sun.

"You were correct," Ara-kor muttered from where he stood. "They did have a shard."

Tlacepotl nodded as he slipped the crystal into one of his many leather pouches. "It is as I foresaw," he replied. He turned his crested head. "Come," he said, "our quest must resume."

Lizardmen- 500 or 600-something
Bretonnians: 364

Result: Lizardmen Victory!

Shards Recovered: 3

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
07-07-2008, 19:43
Thoughts: WOOT! A victory...and a shard...at last! (Does Nonsensical Victory Dance...which kind of looks a little like the Charleston.)

Looking back at this battle, I won because the Bretonnian player pretty much did everything I wanted him to. He repeatedly took my Skink bait, and as a result, his two Knights units wound up being split apart and unable to support each other. Although he had a bit of luck against my Kroxigor charge, what with his plentiful ward saves, his Grail Knights wound up alone and isolated against all of my hitty stuff. That, and his neglect for the Men-at-Arms for most of the game meant that they were unable to support his Paladin for most of the game (which is a pity for him, as the ranks of the Men at Arms could have broken the Salamanders and earned him back a lot of victory points).

To be fair, though, a little luck was on my side. I found it unbelievable how the Terradons were slowly but surely able to take apart the Grail Knights with their shooting. Converesly, his own luck with armour saves (and later on, to wound rolls), was pretty saddening. If his Paladin had rolled better, he might have actually been able to finish off my Salamanders.

Still, a victory is a victory, so I'm not complaining. I hope to play this guy again soon at a higher points level. We'll see if I can repeat a good performance...

MVP: My Terradons won me the game, as they managed to wipe out the Grail Knights with a combination of shooting and close combat-- something I would never have expected of them. I would have liked to send them in for a hit and run attack to finish off the Damsel, but sadly, the game didn't go on long enough for them to do so.

07-07-2008, 20:36
nice battle it was already fortold LM would win cause well they're lizardmen chosen of the old ones. To bad the kroxigors had to be killed off.

I'm not sure terradons should be mvp i think sallies did pretty good as well holding off a pally on pegasus . . but i guess terradons did more

07-07-2008, 21:25
Good show, as usual. I'm glad that you got to play against a real* army this time.

*Ie. not hideously overpowered tourney-cheese.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
07-07-2008, 21:53
Good show, as usual. I'm glad that you got to play against a real* army this time.

*Ie. not hideously overpowered tourney-cheese.

Nah, I'm okay with the tourney armies. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, etc.

07-07-2008, 22:00
The Old Ones are proud of this Great Victory.
all the Shards shall soon be reunited.

congrats on your win.
(stay away from undead for more wins :))

07-07-2008, 23:48
Great Batrep and congrats on the win. That Brettonian Ward Save is a total pain. I don't get why the Paladin on Pegasus has the Lance though as he had a Biting Blade and so HAS to use it IIRC. He can't use the Lance on the charge and then start using his Blade. My DoW Characters would love it if they could.

Really enjoyed the mid battle fluff too. Great work.

08-07-2008, 06:12
Another Shard at long last!

Yet another excellent batt rep, as always. Kudus, syabas and keep it up.

Just so you know, this thread was the inspiration for me to dust off my old Lizzies and participate in my club's Mighty Empires campaign. :)

Till all the Shards are reunited, I will be looking forward to more adventures from The Warhost of Ux-Mal.

08-07-2008, 09:28
Great Batrep and congrats on the win. That Brettonian Ward Save is a total pain. I don't get why the Paladin on Pegasus has the Lance though as he had a Biting Blade and so HAS to use it IIRC. He can't use the Lance on the charge and then start using his Blade. My DoW Characters would love it if they could.

With Bretttonians it's a little different. They have a special rule that allows them to use a mundane lance in the charge ans a magic weapon later on. (see Brettonian army book magic item section)

Congrats on the victory, I especially liked the part about the damsel and her "boyfriends":p

08-07-2008, 12:01
Ah I see, fair enough then.

08-07-2008, 14:21
Congrats LoNC, I can almost smell that slaan waiting patiently at the end of the chain of victories sure to follow from this powerful showing :D

In the magic phase, the Damsel tried to cast Howler Wind again (for...some...reason...), but as she was chanting, one of the Peasants was brave enough to slap her on the bum. This caused her to cry out in alarm, mispronounce some rustic syllable, and miscast, losing both a wound and a magic level. The slightly-charred Damsel turned around and glared at the offending Peasant, who could only smile sheepishly.


- Salvage

08-07-2008, 20:13
Indeed well done a great result against a notoriously difficult army to beat, well done and happy shard hunting!

09-07-2008, 16:49
Nah, I'm okay with the tourney armies. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, etc.

But... but they DID kill you!

Great batrep. Hilarious as always.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
18-07-2008, 16:39
Just letting everyone know...more batreps are on the way!

Next: The Lizards take on Elves, Elves and more Elves! (And a few Trees)

18-07-2008, 19:10
Bring fire for for the Wood ones.
Bring light for the Dark ones.
Bring down the High ones.

19-07-2008, 12:11
Just letting everyone know...more batreps are on the way!

Very good to hear! :D

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
24-07-2008, 15:47
Battle 13: The Battle of Xiloq’s Watch


Ux-Mal is under threat. Whilst our warhost was searching for amulets on the main continent, I received a hasty telepathic message from the Council. A host of Elves had landed on the cost in our territory, and had penetrated far inland. They had already reached Xiloq’s Watch, an ancient ziggurat used as a coastal watchtower in ancient times. Thus far, it seems that they have not pierced the arcane field thrown up by Xlantec’s Curse, but I fear it is only a matter of time…

Using the Gate of the Old Ones, the warhost has swiftly traveled back to Lustria to combat this threat. Quetzl forgive us if we fail to stop them in time…


The air of the Lustrian coast was swelteringly hot. Sweltering, Teclis thought to himself, was definitely the right word for it. No place in Ulthuan was this uncomfortably temperate, and every time he came to Lustria, the High Loremaster found himself having to internally cool himself with concentrated magic. It was ironic that such naturally cold-blooded creatures inhabited such a warm place as Lustria.

The High Loremaster closed his eyes. He sensed multiple magical presences in this realm, but strangely, no Slann. He tried to contact the few mages that he could sense, but something was blocking his scrying attempts. There was something unusual about this area, he had discovered, something that was blocking off all attempts to use witchsight. It was as though some sort of massive anti-magical field was permeating the area. Perhaps this field and the seeming absence of a Slann were related somehow.

“Any luck, High Loremaster?” asked his apprentice Silendra from where she stood amongst the waiting ranks of the Sea Guard. Further in the distance, their ships lay moored in the harbour, waiting to reinforce or withdraw them if necessary.

“None,” Teclis replied. “This is quite a strange reception, indeed.” The Loremaster’s diplomatic expedition to the Lustrian coast—with the aim of strengthening their alliance with the Lizardmen Temple-Cities—had gotten off to an uneasy start, he thought to himself. He had been looking forward to the exchange of culture and magical arts between their two races, and now it seemed that he might not get that chance.

Teclis’ eyes opened suddenly, He sensed something—no, a lot of somethings—approaching. A second later, there was the sound of galloping hoofbeats, and Captain Kalethan and his Dragon Princes suddenly burst out of the treeline, their elaborate dragon armour shining brightly in the sun.

“Captain,” Teclis said, nodding to the Caledorian and his warriors. As they halted “How did your reconnaissance fare? Did you locate the Lizardmen?”

Kalethan shook his head (and, to the chagrin of the Sea Guard, did not nod or bow to the Loremaster). “I’m afraid not, Loremaster,” he replied. “More’s the pity. The sooner we find them, the sooner we can leave this dismal place. The game isn’t even any good!”

Teclis raised an eyebrow. “Game? Captain, am I to understand that you and your men have been busy hunting this whole time?”

“What we could find, yes,” the Captain replied with an aristocratic sniff. “Though all they have in this land are these weak little newt-things. Hardly proper sport, if you asked me.” As if on cue, one of the other Dragon Princes raised his lance, revealing several Skinks spitted in a row on it.

“And here I was thinking that Lustria would be teeming with beasts,” Kalethan muttered to himself. He trailed off, however, when he noticed the pale-faced, horrified look that Teclis was giving him. “What?”

“Loremaster! The trees!” one of the Sea Guard shouted. Teclis whirled around, just in time to see an entire army of Lizardmen marching out of the treeline in full battle formation. They did not look happy.

The High Loremaster buried his face in his hands. “You IDIOTS,” he muttered.

Lately, I played my first ever game against the new High Elves with my Lizzies. Now, because I have the actual High Elf rulebook, I wasn’t too worried about this game: yes, Elves have the whole Always Strike First™ thing, but even when striking first, Elves are squishy, T3 opponents. The ideal victi…er, foes for my Saurus.

Speaking of which, I decided to try something new for my army…


Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, Glyph Necklace, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Quetzl, Tepok and Tlazcotl- 263
Tezla-Kar (Scar-Veteran)- BSB, Sword of the Hornet, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl and Tepok- 178
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls, Spawning of Quetzl- 155
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
10 Skinks- blowpipes, Spawning of Quetzl - 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts, Spawning of Quetzl- 75
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Hunting Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235


That’s right, ladies and gents, I’ve started using the Sacred Host rules from the GW website. Choosing the Sacred Host of Quetzl (very thematic for my army) essentially gives all of my core units an increased scaly skin save—which means my Saurus now have a 4+ save, and my Skinks a 5+. This battle would hopefully test out the effectiveness of my new Sacred Host.

My opponent, however, wasn’t too concerned about my hefty armour saves. Just my low dispelling power…


Mage- level 2, Silver Wand, dispel scroll
Noble- BSB, Battle Banner, barded steed, heavy armour
15 Lothern Sea Guard- full command, shields
15 Lothern Sea Guard- full command, shields
10 Dragon Princes- full command, Banner of Sorcery
Lion Chariot
Repeater Bolt Thrower

This list would be downright scary in the magic phase: not only would Teclis be able to cast Irresistable spells on a double for his casting roll, but, between him and the Banner of Sorcery, the Elves would be generating an extra 2D3 power dice each turn. Even so, as potent as this list was (those Dragon Princes + Battle Banner would be a really scary threat), the High Elf army was also pretty small, with a lot of eggs thrown into a few baskets. Any casualties he suffered would hurt him a lot more than they hurt me.


Terrain was a mixed affair, with a ziggurat occupying the dead centre of the table (we ruled that a unit can only go on it if it uses one of its four sets of stairs). On the far left of my DZ was a patch of woodland, and on the far right was a pyramid. Also on the right, a little closer to the ziggurat, was a hill. On his side of the board, meanwhile, was some woodland on his right side, some more woodland on his left, and a tiny hill waaaaay out on the far right.

He deployed his Dragon Princes on the far light, and spread his two Sea Guard units out in a gunline (arrowline?) in the centre and right, with Teclis joining the leftmost unit and the Mage joining the rightmost. Next to the rightmost Sea Guard he placed his RBT in the wood, and next to that he put his Lion Chariot. I, meanwhile, put my Salamanders near the wood on the left, with the blowpipers next to them, my Stegadon in the centre, and my two units of Saurus on the right (one of them, sadly, had to be deployed partially on the hill). My two Saurus characters joined the leftmost unit, and Tlacepotl joined the rightmost. To the right of the Saurus I put my javelin Skinks and Kroxigor, and next to them, behind the pyramid, I placed my Terradons. As an encore, I placed my Scouts right at the base of the ziggurat.

For magic, Teclis had pretty much every spell in the High Lore, and the Mage rolled Fury of Khaine, Curse of Arrow Attraction and Shield of Saphery. Tlacepotl, rolling on the Lore of Death due to Sacred Host rules, got Dark Hand of Death and Drain Life.


The High Elves won first turn (thanks, no doubt, to magical shenanigans on Teclis’ part), and proceeded to do…very little. The only movement came from the Dragon Princes, who zoomed down the left flank right in front of the Salamanders (obviously up for hunting some bigger game), and the Lion Chariot, hungry for Skinks, zoomed down the right flank. The Lion Chariot, meanwhile, zoomed down the right flank, eager to munch on Skinks. Everything else stayed put, with the lines of Sea Guard holding their ground and readying their bows.

In the magic phase, the High Elf player prepared to unleash a whole lot of arcane devastation on my army. Grinning, he declared Teclis was casting Flames of the Phoenix on my blowpipe Skinks, and rolled Irresistable Force…only to find that he was an inch out of range. He then found out that all of his more offensive spells were effectively out of range, which meant that the High Elves were able to do little more than put on an impressive light show. Clearly, Teclis was still trying to use diplomacy, as he and his fellow Mage only cast Shield of Saphery on their respective units, which I let go.

In placing all of his units midway into his DZ, he had miscalculated the range of his spells and firepower. In the shooting phase, the no-so-long bows of the Sea Guard were ALSO out of range, leaving it to the RBT to skewer one of the BSB’s Saurus (I think I actually made a few armour saves on that one, actually).

In my turn, the Saurus began their advance towards the Sea Guard (though the 2nd unit’s movement was halved due to them moving off of the hill). Ara-kor zoomed up so that he was right in front of both Sea Guard units, albeit just out of their charge range. On the right flank, the javelin Skinks moved up cautiously, holding up “charge me” signs at the Lion Chariot while the Kroxigor waited behind them, smiling and sharpening their big axes. The Terradons flew up from behind the woods and landed next to the aforementioned Lion Chariot. In the centre, the Skink Scouts skirted up across the ziggurat towards the High Elf line, while the Stegadon lumbered up behind them. Finally, on the left flank, the blowpipers edged up slightly, and the Salamanders moved their full 6” into the ruined woodlands to avoid the charge arc of the Dragon Princes. Although this left them out of LOS of the pompous gits, at least they wouldn’t be charged next turn.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl, hiding out in the 2nd Saurus, tried and to cast Dark Hand of Death and, predictably, got it dispelled. In the shooting phase, though, the Terradons did me proud by plinking a wound off of the Lion Chariot. And with that, it went back to the High Elves.


With an almighty roar, the Lion Chart charged the Skinks, who passed their LD test and javelined another two wounds off of the contraption (Elves…they just can’t make stuff to last, can they?) Shocked at how the Oldblood and Scouts had closed the distance so quickly, the High Elves shuffled their ranks, with both units of Sea Guard reforming into ranks five wide. On the left flank, the Dragon Princes, annoyed that their sport had run away, wheeled around and started trotting towards the centre, grumbling about how unsporting it was for the prey to go hiding.

In the magic phase, the High Elves were quite assured this time that they were in range, and commenced with the spelling, and the zapping, and the invoking, and the whanot. The Mage managed to cast Curse of Arrow Attraction on my second Saurus unit, which I failed to dispel. The Mage then cast Shield on her own unit, while Teclis, similarly, cast Shield on his own bodyguard. Teclis then cast Fury of Khaine on my blowpipers; given my history of having my Salamanders catch panic from nearby Skinks, I scrolled it. Teclis simply shrugged, and then tried to unleash Flames of the Phoenix on the blowpipers. Embarrassingly, though, he failed to cast it. A chorus of “Haw-haw!” resounded from the Lizardmen host.

In the shooting phase, the RBT made full use of the Curse of Arrow Attraction to kill a massive four of my second Saurus, though they easily passed their panic test. Teclis’ Sea Guard then fired their bows at my Scouts, only to watch as their weedy arrows bounced off of their 5+ saves (Quetzl for the win!) The Mage’s own Sea Guard unit fired at Ara-kor, and again, watched as their arrows bounced off his 2+ save (and 5+ ward).

In close combat, the Lion Chariot slammed into my javelin Skinks…and rolled only one impact hit. After impacts and Lion/crew attacks were resolved, I had lost only three Skinks (again, I think my 4+ save in combat saved at least one wound), but in reply, the Skinks failed to take the Chariot’s last wound. Losing the combat, the Skinks broke (even with the BSB nearby) and were summarily run down by the Chariot, which then crashed into my waiting Kroxigor and their bucketloads of strength 7 death. Oooooh yeah…

In my turn, there were no charges. Ara-kor, seeing the Mage’s block of Sea Guard staring him down, zoomed up out of their charge arc, while the Scouts edged up into javelin and taunting distance of Teclis’ unit. The Terradons, unable to fly into woods, flew up to the edge of the woods the RBT was hiding in, and the Salamanders moved towards the Dragon Princes’ flank, eager to begin the burninating the pointy ears. The Saurus continued their steady advance, and the Stegadon stomped down to the edge of the ziggurat, ready to move into terrorizing range of the Sea Guard next turn.

The magic phase was once again a no-go, so we moved straight to shooting. The Terradons hurled javelins at the RBT, but failed to hit the crew, while the Stegadon fired its bolt thrower at the Mage’s Sea Guard. Amazingly, the bolt hit…and proceeded to bounce off the Elves’ magical Shield, ending Mr. Steggie’s moment of glory (those bullies!) The Scouts did one better, though, pelting down one of Teclis’ Guard despite his ward save.

The din of battle surrounded Teclis as the Sea Guard around him closed ranks. Ahead of them, a group of Skinks were scampering towards them, javelins ready. The Sea Guard responded in disciplined unison, readying their bows to fire on the diminutive Lizards. They would have done so, too, had not Teclis halted them with a gesture.

“Stop!” he cried. “We didn’t come here to fight! We can still end this peacefully! We can still talk to the—“

The High Loremaster was cut short as a volley of javelins came whistling down on the Sea Guard, forcing them to take cover behind their shields. Although most of the missiles rebounded off of Lorthern shields or the shimmering magical field surrounding them, one Sea Guard went down. Teclis stared down at the dead warrior at his feet, aghast. The Sea Guard had died instantly from the poisoned weapon, and his blood had splashed onto Teclis’ nice, clean robes.

Teclis’ right eye twitched, ever-so-slightly.

Finally, as the piece de resistance, the Salamanders, whose attacks, in this instance, I was glad WEREN’T flaming, opened up and burninated…one Dragon Prince. Oh, and ate two handlers. Fair trade, I guess.

In close combat, the Lion Chariot once again rolled a single impact hit, but still managed to kill one Kroxigor. In exchange, however, the Kroxigor smashed the chariot apart several times over and overran, liberating the Lions from their cruel Elven oppressors and leaving them to go play in the fields.


At this point, Teclis and his Guard had had enough of the Scouts’ incendiary taunting. It was bad enough that they had killed one of the Guard, but they’d also dirtied Teclis’ nice, clean robes in the process! The time for diplomacy was officially over, and, howling oaths of vengeance as only dirtied High Elves can, the High Loremaster and his Guard charged the Scouts…and watched as they fled to safety, ending up behind the Saurus battle-line/ This left the Sea Guard in charge range of an irate-looking Stegadon. Whoops…

Elsewhere, the Mage’s Sea Guard turned around to gain line of sight on Ara-kor, and the Dragon Princes still moved towards the centre, march-blocked by the Salamanders. That was it: everything else was busy preparing to zap/shoot/witticism the crap out of the Lizardmen.

In the magic phase, the Mage once again Shielded her unit, and tried to Curse the BSB’s Saurus, only for Tlacepotl to dispel it. Teclis, however, was in a rage, and, seeing as the Saurus were blocking the Skinky culprits who had ruined his robes, he took his anger out on them. Two of my Saurus were instantly ashified by an Irresistable Fury of Khaine, and two more were quickly burninated by an Irresistable Flames of the Phoenix. The Saurus passed their panic test, since their heavy save had negated most of the damage, and Teclis had been so focused on killing Saurus that he had neglected to cast Shield on his unit. Whoops the Second.

In the shooting phase, the Mage’s Sea Guard once again fired their Bows of Failure™ at Ara-kor. The RBT decided to pick on the Krox who had just smashed the Lion Chariot, and managed to kill one and wound another, though again, my Lizards passed their panic test. I mean, it was just an Elven artillery piece, not much to be afraid of…

In my turn, I had a nice, juicy, pointy-hatted target sitting in front of me that I couldn’t ignore. The Stegadon charged down from the ziggurat and hit Teclis’ Sea Guard in the front (regrettably, missing Teclis himself), while Ara-kor slammed into the unit’s flank. The Terradons, meanwhile, tried to charge the RBT…and, regrettably, fell short thanks to their halved, piddly 4” walking move (did I mention how much I hate woods when I can barely move through them?) The Salamanders continued to tail the Dragon Princes and their delicious horses (which taste great when flame-grilled), and the Saurus continued to advance (by this point almost in charge range of the Mage’s Sea Guard). The lone Kroxigor zoomed up, hoping to charge that annoying RBT next turn.

Once again, Tlacepotl tried to cast Dark Hand of Death, and once again, had his spell stopped by those mean Elven bullies. In the shooting phase, however, I showed the Elves what REAL firepower is by burninating a whopping four Dragon Princes with the Salamanders, and poisoning a fifth with my blowpipers (who were hiding just below the ziggurat). Boo-yah! Rather than panicking, however, the Dragon Princes and BSB were simply left enraged at the fact that their nice, clean armour was now charred, blackened and covered with darts. Those don’t come out easily, you know.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
24-07-2008, 15:49
In close combat…

The Lizardmen slammed into the Sea Guard like a scaled hammer, and very quickly, the Sea Guard’s disciplined formation began to dissolve. Elves were sent hurtling into the air by the Stegadon’s charge, and even more were trampled underfoot by the great beast. Further to the left, a lone Lizardmen warrior went through the Sea Guard like a force of nature, every swing of his blade killing one or two of the Elves. Very soon, the ground below was drenched with blood.

The screams of the dying flooded Teclis’ eardrums, nearly overwhelming his frail magical senses. His grimaced and clutched his head, trying desperately to shut out the noise. He couldn’t cast in this state. He couldn’t think…

This wasn’t supposed to be happening. He had come here on a mission of peace, and now…now his kin were dying all around him.

“Loremaster!” the Sea Guard’s champion shouted, rushing over to him as the Stegadon trampled past. “You must get out of here, or you’ll surely perish!”

Teclis snapped back to reality, and shook his head. “No!” he exclaimed. “I can’t leave you all here to die!” The Staff of Lilaeth began to glow as he charged up some offensive spells.

“Just go, Loremaster!” the champion shouted. “Go before—“

Everything else happened so fast. One minute, the Sea Guard was talking, the next minute he suddenly exploded in a shower of gore, splattering Teclis with his remains. Shocked, Teclis watched as the lone Saurus came rushing through the shower of blood, roaring as it swung its bloodied weapon at the Loremaster…

As Ara-kor swung, the Elf muttered a few syllables, and was suddenly enveloped in a blinding light. The Scar-Leader staggered back, blinded, clutching his eyes. Growling, he shook his head furiously, clearing out the cobwebs, and opened his eyes again.

Teclis was gone.

The Stegadon’s impact hits squished a whopping five Sea Guard. In reply, a well-placed spear actually wounded the great beast, but then Ara-kor crushed another two of the Elves and the Skinks in the howdah poked a third to death. After tallying combat resolution, we found that the Elves had not only lost, but were now outnumbered by my Unit Strength 8, Terror-causing Stegadon. Needless to say, they failed to get any snake eyes, broke, and, with Teclis, were run down by both Ara-kor and Mr. Steggie.

Holy crap, I just killed Teclis! Deeeep breaths…deeeeeeep breaths…


With the loss of Teclis, the High Elves now REALLY needed to get some points back. Seeking revenge for their tarnished armour, the Dragon Princes charged the blowpipers, who stood and shot, but failed to do anything other than annoy the Princes further. With nothing else that could charge, the rest of the High Elves grimly held their ground.

Despite the loss of Teclis, the last High Elf mage once again unleashed her magicks upon the Lizardmen. I managed to scroll Curse of Arrow Attraction, and dispelled Shield of Saphery. Thanks to the Banner of Sorcery, however, the Mage still had enough power dice left to cast Fury of Khaine and kill one of the BSB’s Saurus. The Sea Guard tried to follow up, but their arrows simply bounced off the Saurus’ heavy armour. The RBT, on the other hand, tracked the last Kroxigor and wiped it out in a hail of bolts. Boo, I say!

In close combat, the enraged Dragon Princes unleashed all of their fury on the blowpipers and utterly annihilated them, before galloping off to find more Lizardmen to take their anger out on. This, much to my chagrin, left them disturbingly close to the rear of my Saurus battle-line…

In my turn, the Terradons FINALLY charged the RBT…but due to terrain-related difficulties, only one of them managed to get into base contact with the crew. The rest of my army narrowed in on the last unit of Sea Guard, who were, at this point, looking very, very doomed. The Salamanders plodded their full move after the Dragon Princes, while the Scouts, who had rallied behind the Saurus, shuffled back to avoid getting charged by those mean Dragon Princes, and Tlacepotl quickly abandoned ship to join them.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl cast Drain Life, and, this time, the enemy Mage failed to dispel it. Unfortunately, I rolled low, and only three Sea Guard were killed. Everything else, sadly, was out of range or had moved too far to shoot.

In close combat, the RBT crew struck first, and, to my surprise, killed the one Terradon in base contact with them! To prevent my Terries from fleeing off the board, I elected to try to hold rather than hit and run. Sadly, the dice were being less than agreeable, and the Terradons fled anyway. Dangit.


With nothing left to lose, the High Elves initiated a few charges. The Sea Guard, seeing that they were going to be multi-charged next turn, decided it was better to kill than be killed, and charged in against the BSB’s Saurus. Further down, the Dragon Princes launched a charge against the rear of the 2nd Saurus unit. To my chagrin, the Princes were in range, and slammed into the surprised rear of my poor Saurus. If those Saurus broke, then the Princes could potentially mop up my whole line…

In the magic phase, I easily stopped Shield of Saphery on the Sea Guard, but in the shooting phase, that damned RBT once again proved its worth by inflicting another wound on the Stegadon and killing one of the Skink crew.

In close combat, the Sea Guard fought well, and actually killed two Saurus. In reply, however, Tezla-kar chopped down three Sea Guard in return, and my Saurus squashed another two. Despite losing by a lot, the Mage and her Sea Guard held thanks to the nearby BSB. Speaking of whom, the BSB and his fellow snobby Princes killed four of my other Saurus for no casualties in return. Thanks largely to the Battle Banner, the Saurus needed snake eyes to stay, but, despite their own reptilian nature and the nearby presence of Tezla-Kar, the Saurus realized they weren’t snakes after all and fled, The Princes restrained their pursuit, since they were now left with a clear view of the 1st Saurus’ flank. Uh oh…

In my turn, Ara-kor charged the Sea Guard in the rear. The Stegadon tried as well, but unfortunately, couldn’t draw line of sight to them, and had to settle for shuffling around to gain line of sight on the Princes. Being the idiot that I am, it never occurred to me that I could charge the Steg into the RBT instead. The beaten Saurus, thankfully, rallied just in front of the woods, but the Terradons weren’t so lucky and flew squawking off the board. Tlacepotl and the Scouts moved up right behind the Princes, ready to blast them with magic and poison.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl, now finding that he quite liked the Lore of Death, tried to cast Drain Life again, but this time the Mage countered it with a Dispel Scroll. Now it was all down to the shooting phase: the Stegadon had a nice shot lined up on the Princes’ flank…and, predictably, missed. This left the Scouts, who, at close range, hurled their javelins at the Princes’ rears…

…and dropped two of them from their saddles! Shocked at being shot at from such a vulnerable angle, the BSB and last two Princes panicked and fled…and ran right into the Saurus they had beaten last turn, dying due to having an enemy blocking their retreat. Needless to say, my opponent turned beet red at this.

In close combat, the Sea Guard fought their last stand, killing another Saurus. In return, my unit champion issued a challenge and squashed the Sea Guard’s champion twice over. Ara-kor then killed another four, Tezla-Kar squished one more, and the Saurus ripped apart the last one. The Mage, now standing alone and surrounded by a lot of unfriendly Lizardmen, held up a white handkerchief in a gesture of surrender. Ara-kor, pleased by the Elf’s politeness and generosity, showed his appreciation by hacking her to bits.

With only an RBT left, my opponent finally surrendered.

With their land forces routed, the Elven ships swiftly retreated, abandoning the coast with great speed. Their retreat did not concern us, however, as, after searching the bodies of the Elven leaders, we found another Shard of the Eye. The Old Ones had not only granted us a victory, but, in so doing, had delivered another of the shards to our grasp. Truly, the great Quetzl watched over us this day.

I have since sent runners to deliver our four collected Shards to Ux-Mal. In the meantime, the host is preparing to return to the main continent once more. Our quest must resume there, and, should the Old Ones will it, it will hopefully succeed.

I still wonder, though, at the Elven mage who escaped the battle. He was inordinately powerful for a New One. Still, I am certain that he was probably no one of significance…

Lizardmen- 2330
High Elves- 649

Result: Massacre to the Lizardmen!
Shards: 4

Thoughts: WOOT! Another victory to the Lizardmen, and my first massacre in a long time! (Does LoNC Victory Dance™)

Looking at this battle, it was pretty clear that my opponent had very little experience playing against Lizardmen. He pretty much fell for all of my Skink traps, especially the one which got Teclis trampled by a Stegadon. If he had ignored my Skinks, then Teclis would most likely have gotten another round of spellcasting off. Speaking of Teclis, although he proved his worth on Turn 2 by throwing off irresistible spell after irresistible spell, I can’t help but feel that he would have done more damage if he’d taken the Lore of Metal, Beasts or Shadows (Irresistable Pit of Shades + Initiative 1 Saurus = NOOOOO!) His miscalculation of distance on turn 1 also didn’t do him any favours (though it did spare me some arcane pain on the first turn).

To be fair, though, a lot of it was also crappy luck on his part. That failed panic test on turn 5 essentially won me the game, as, had his Dragon Princes been given free reign to flank-charge my other Saurus, not only would he have saved a lot of points from his cavalry, but he also could have pulled a draw by killing off my 1st Saurus and BSB.

Naturally, though, there were downsides on my part as well, especially my forgetting that Terradons can’t fly into woods. In hindsight, I would have been better off using them to whittle down the Sea Guard, or possibly using them to draw the Dragon Princes away from my battle-line. Still, everything else in my army did their job, and the end result was a massacre in my favour. I’m especially pleased by the performance of my Saurus in this list, as they took a lot of damage and simply kept on ticking.

All in all, a great battle for me. I think I’ll be using the Sacred Host more often now, as the extra saves are just great. My opponent also learned from this encounter: he said he’ll probably trade the Princes next time for some elite infantry…something about “lotsa Swordmasters…”

MVP: I’m tempted to give it to Ara-kor for running down two Mages (and a unit of Sea Guard) in a row…but instead I’ll give it to the Saurus. Their resilience and tenacity really impressed me in this battle. Secondary MVP goes to the Skinks who routed the Dragon Princes. Given how my javelin fire decimated the Grail Knights in the last game, I’m quickly coming to the conclusion that my javelins are Knight-killers.

LVP: The Terradons, for reasons that don’t need to be elaborated upon.

24-07-2008, 16:54
And the High ones are brought low
by Quetzls righteous fury.

Congratualtions on another solid Victory. :D

24-07-2008, 16:57
Good to see the lizardmen winning and getting some shards : )

Prophet of Quetzl
24-07-2008, 17:16
Great read as ever. Your opponent did you a few favours (not least with the low number of units selected) but you also seem to have done the right things at the right time mostly.

And your Saurus were solid, it's amazing what a bit of Quetzl can do for them.

Interesting to see you play Salamanders as non-flaming. My regular HE opponent and I play them as flaming so I always have to try to deploy them after his DPs to make sure I don't loose them too easy.

Again, great report. I really like the way the main text is interspersed with fluff.

24-07-2008, 17:26
hmm I think I know that high elf player.

looks like Teclis after running from the chaos dwarves in the old world didn't have much luck in Lustaria. :D

24-07-2008, 18:32
Goooooooo skinks! Nice to see a sacred spawning in action, and glad little Tlac got to get his spooooky magic off that once.

- Salvage

26-07-2008, 12:54
Wait, Teclis charged the skinks failed and then casts spells? normally after a failed charge you can't cast, no? Perhaps he wouldn't have charged if he knew that :p

26-07-2008, 13:15
In close combat, the Lion Chariot once again rolled a single impact hit, but still managed to kill one Kroxigor. In exchange, however, the Kroxigor smashed the chariot apart several times over and overran, liberating the Lions from their cruel Elven oppressors and leaving them to go play in the fields.

Did you really overrun even though he charged you?

very risky tactic i thought with the chariot, should have fled with the skinks and let the Krox do the charging, that chariot could have easily wiped out your Krox..

Still you won, and a great BR, one of your best, the Teclis narrative was highly amusing... Keep up the good work as per usual!

Kai Itzah
26-07-2008, 13:49
Hahaha, stupid High Elves. Serves them right for chancing upon one of your shards - one thing to note though, all cold-blooded creatures prefer warmer climates.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
26-07-2008, 15:32
Wait, Teclis charged the skinks failed and then casts spells? normally after a failed charge you can't cast, no? Perhaps he wouldn't have charged if he knew that :p

Whoops! That was an error on our part.

Did you really overrun even though he charged you?

Um...Whoops the Second?

very risky tactic i thought with the chariot, should have fled with the skinks and let the Krox do the charging, that chariot could have easily wiped out your Krox..

Still you won, and a great BR, one of your best, the Teclis narrative was highly amusing... Keep up the good work as per usual!

Thanks! And thank you everyone for your comments, and for your close-to-8000 views!

Next: Back into the Woods!

26-07-2008, 23:27
VEry nice bat rep. DOes sem like a kind of inexperienced HE general. I don't mind he army in general, but how many people actually play WITHOUT Teclis? lol

One thing I just never understand with you though is how you continue ot find skinks to herd the salamanders! I mean every game at least 2 get eaten! lol I will go 3 or 4 games with none eaten, so much that I forget it can even happen... until I read one of your reports. :)

27-07-2008, 12:20
Indeed very well written I enjoyed reading them!

27-07-2008, 14:26
reading these has pushed me over the edge of "do i want to start fantasy" and "but which army would i play". yo ho yo ho a lizard's life for me.

even though they're not pirates... hiss scratch hiss scratch a lizard's life?

27-07-2008, 15:47
Well played. Well written.

Still my favourite thread on Warseer! Who'd have thunk that Teclis and his band of merry men would have lost so badly...

Do keep up the good work and bring home those Shards.

28-07-2008, 14:36
Congratulations on finding a shard and killing teclis.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
04-08-2008, 23:25
Battle 14: Revenge of the Wood Elves


With the Elven interlopers repelled from our lands, and another of the Shards now in our grasp, we resumed our quest. After a week of divination alongside the rest of the Council, I determined that the next Shard might be recovered in a geometrically significant area on the main continent. Upon discerning the exact region, the Warhost mustered by the Gate of the Old Ones, and, upon locking in the coordinates, marched back to the main continent once more.

It appeared, however, that our arrival had been predicted. Upon marching out of the gate, the warhost’s vanguard came under attack by a host of Wood Elves—no doubt out to avenge their losses from our battle in Athel Loren. We could not afford to waste much time with these Elves, and so we arrayed for battle, determined to best them and then resume our quest.

A little disclaimer: this game actually took place before my battle with the High Elves. I just wrote the High Elf game first because I was really excited at winning a massacre against a Teclis list.

Anyway, originally, I was going to use my usual Saurus-heavy Quetzl list. When I discovered I was playing against Wood Elves, though, I quickly ditched one Saurus unit in exchange for more fast, skirmishy and hard-hitting stuff. When fighting Wood Elves, after all, you can’t afford to give them a mobility advantage.


Ara-kor (Oldblood)- BurninG Blade of Chotec, Enchanted Shield, light armour, Aura of Quetzl, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Tlazcotl, Tepok & Quetzl- 288
Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, shield, Cloak of Feathers, Sacred Spawning of Quetzl- 144
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 Dispel Scrolls, Spawning of Quetzl- 155
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, Cube of Darkness, Spawning of Quetzl- 180
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
10 Skinks- blowpipes, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of QueztlScouts- 75
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235

TOTAL: 2250


Highborn- great weapon, Annoyance of Netlings
Noble- BSB, Elynnet’s Brooch, Stone of the Crystal Mere
Spellsinger- lvl 2, 2 scrolls
Spellsinger- lvl 2, scroll, Deepwood Sphere
19 Eternal Guard- full command
10 Glade Guard
10 Glade Guard
5 Scouts
5 Scouts
7 Wardancers
5 Wild Riders
3 Treekin
3 Treekin
Great Eagle
Great Eagle

I actually liked his list: the Eternal Guard were a nice touch, the double Treekin gave him plenty of hitting power, and the double Great Eagles were a nice change from the obligatory Treeman. All in all, an interesting list with a little bit of everything.


Terrain was a mixed back, with a large wood on the upper right corner (just below the Wood Elf deployment zone), a pond on the right of my deployment zone, a few small trees and hills here and there, and…that’s it. The right side of the board, in fact, was pretty open.

The Wood Elf player put a unit of Treekin on his far left, while to next to them, behind the wood, he placed his Wardancers (with Spellsingers), with the Wild Riders behind them, and next to them he put another unit of Scouts. Another unit of Scouts went on the centre, screening the Eternal Guard (with Highborn and BSB) and the two Eagles, and next to this grouping he put his second Treekin unit, followed by his two units of Glade Guard.

For my deployment, meanwhile, I put my Salamanders on the far left, opposite his Treekin, with Ixcotl joining them. To their right up, I put my Kroxigor and Terradons behind them in front of the pond, followed by two screening units of Skinks in the middle, behind which I put my Saurus (with Ara-kor and Tlacepotl) and my Stegadon. Finally, on the right flank I put down another screening Skink unit, behind which I placed a unit each of Kroxigor and Terradons.

Oh yes, and Kaxaan and his Scouts camped up in the big woods, waiting to plink off some annoying Elves. Camping is fun! For spells. Tlacepotl rolled Dark Hand of Death and Steal Soul, while Ixcotl rolled Doom and Darkness and Drain Life. I forget the two Spellsingers rolled, but I do know that Treesing, Ariel’s Blessing and the Twilight Host were among their spells.


I won the roll to go first, and so everything that could moved up. On the right flank, all of my Skinks moved up in a protective screen, and Ara-kor left the Saurus and ran into the middle Skink unit. The rightmost Terradons, further down, zoomed right upwards so that they would be in charge range of the Glade Guard next turn. Given the sparse amount of cover, they were probably going to be shot up, but at least they would draw fire away from my other units. Kaxaan and his Scouts stayed in the woods to slow down the Treekin (especially since leaving the wood would leave them open to a Wardancer/Wild Rider charge), and everything else edged up, with my left Krox patiently waiting for something to move into charge range. The Salamanders also edged up, patiently waiting for something to come into burninating range.

In the magic phase, only one spell- Dark Hand of Death—was in range, and got dispelled. The Stegadon’s giant bow predictably missed, and that was that.

In the Wood Elf turn, everything on the right flank marched down, though the right Treekin turned slightly to face the oncoming Skinks. On the left flank, everything angled, edged forward slowly or angled to make a charge in future turns on anything that got too close. One unit of Scouts copied my Skinks by drawing themselves up as a screen in front of the Eternal Guard. (stupid Elven copiers!) Oh yes, and the Great Eagles zoomed down, though they kept out of LOS.

In the magic phase, Blessing of Ariel was cast on the left Treekin, which I let go, and Twilight Host failed to cast. In the shooting phase, however, both units of Glade Guard, predictably, wiped out my poor Terradons, and the Scouts combined their fire to kill three of the Oldblood’s Skinks. (Sniff) Those meanies…


On my turn 2, I was left with a charging dilemma for my Lizardmen: the Treekin were directly ahead, but I knew that, if I charged the Oldblood into them and failed to break them (which was highly likely, what with them standing right next to their General and BSB), I would wind up getting counter-charged by a fully ranked unit of Eternal Guard. So, I did the next best thing and zoomed him up between the Eternals and the unit of Scouts to the left of them, confident that nothing there could hurt him. Little did I know that this was ALSO a trap…

Elsewhere, the Sallies edged into burninating range of the left Treekin, Kaxaan flew out of the wood to help out Ara-kor in future, the Scouts moved up to pelt the Treekin, the Krox and Stegadon moved up to charge stuff in future, and the other unit of Terradons zoomed up to the north of the board, ready to charge/harass stuff next turn. And, in the magic phase, I once again did absolutely nothing.

In the shooting phase, the Sallies unloaded on the Treekin, inflicting a massive 6 wounds…which, thanks to the Kin’s ward save and regeneration, just turned into 2 wounds. Drat, I had forgotten there that Sallie attacks AREN’T flaming (which makes you wonder why their special rule is so conveniently entitled “Spit Fire.” Has fire suddenly been ruled as not counting as flaming? If so, bad news for you, Screaming Skull Catapults…)

The Scouts also tried to do some damage to them, but their javelins simply bounced off. Darnit. Elsewhere, my middle Skinks helped to salvage some of my dignity by killing three of the Scouts who were screening the Eternal Guard, who then turned and ran for their little pointy-eared lives. Yeah, that’s it, run you tree-hugging gits! Sadly, they failed to panic the Eternal Guard whom they ran through.

In his turn, he charged his other Scouts into my Oldblood, pinning them in combat. It was then that I realized my colossal error: my Oldblood was now a sitting duck, waiting to get charged in the rear by a fully ranked unit of Eternal Guard with two characters. Elsewhere, the right Treekin charged my rightmost Skink unit, who fled through the Krox and escaped. My Scouts weren’t quite as lucky, however, as they, too, got charged by the Treekin. They fell short in their fallback move, and got trampled down by the evil, evil trees.. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Salamanders panicked at the sight of their dead Skink buddies and ran screaming towards the nearest board edge, taking Ixcotl with them. Dammit.

The Wood Elf Scouts rallied, and in the rest of the movement phase, one of the Great Eagles zoomed in on my left flank, landing right in front of my Kroxigor, effectively blocking and redirecting any charge I had planned against the Treekin. The other Great Eagle flew down the right flank to harass my Skinks, rhe Wardancers moved up to counter the Terradons, and the Wild Riders moved into the Woods, as did the Spellsingers, who had obviously been taking advice from their High Elf brethren on How To Confound Terradons With Woods(TM). Oh yes, and the Eternal Guard about-faced to fight the Oldblood next turn.

In the magic phase, an Irresistable Twilight Host was cast on the rightmost Treekin, making them cause Terror. Ooooh crap. Next, the leftmost Glade Guard turned and fired down at Kaxaan, barely drawing line of sight to him and scoring a wound on the poor little guy. A second later, the Highborn lifted his own bow and sniped Kaxaan out of the sky with a cry of “NO SCOOOOOPE!” Stupid haXXor…

In close combat, the Scouts slapped ineffectually at the Oldblood, who squished three of them in reply. With a rerollable LD10 boost, though, the Scouts weren’t going anywhere.


With the rightmost Treekin standing right ahead of them, simply begging for a double-charge, I hit them with both my right Kroxigor and Stegadon. Well…I TRIED to double charge them, but, sadly, the Kroxigor failed their fear test, forcing the Stegadon to go in alone. Stupid Twilight Host…

The middle Skinks, thankfully, passed the needed Terror test from the nearby Treekin, and my other Skinks rallied. My Sallies, however, failed to rally, and, with Ixcotl, ran right off the board. Dammit. Elsewhere, the Saurus about-faced to avoid being flank-charged by the Wild Riders in the wood, the left Krox edged back to put some distance between them and the other Treekin and that annoying Eagle, and the middle Skinks ran up to kill some more Elves with javelinny death.

Again, my magic was dispelled (this time drawing a Dispel Scroll), and I went straight to shooting…which consisted of the right Skinks scored one wound on the rightmost Great Eagle, which was not QUITE enough to kill it. In close combat, the Oldblood finally squished the last two Scouts. With the Wild Riders about to hit him in the front and the Eternal Guard about to charge his rear, though, I couldn’t take much solace from this fact.

Meanwhile, the Stegadon thundered into the Treekin…and did absolutely no damage. Yes, that’s right, zero damage. His impact hits, normal attacks and Skink jabs did a grand total of zero wounds to those nasty Treekin, who returned the favour by wounding my Steg three times. Despite being beaten half to death, the Steg held his ground, obviously determined not to be beaten by a bunch of overgrown twigs.

In the Wood Elf turn, the Eternal Guard and Wardancers both charged my Oldblood, who, being Immune to Psychology, had no choice but to take it like a lizard. Elsewhere, the unengaged Treekin and accompanying Great Eagle both charged my Kroxigor. It was the Wood Elves’ turn to botch leadership rolls, however, as the Great Eagle failed its fear test and cowered like the overgrown turkey that it was. Nothing else moved, save for the Wild Riders zooming up out of the woods and taking position right behind the Wardancers.

In the magic phase, Blessing of Ariel was again cast on the left Treekin, but this time I had enough common sense to scroll it. The other Spellweaver tried to cast Twilight Host…and very generously miscast, allowing Tlacepotl to cast Dark Hand of Death on the Great Eagle and wound him. Finally, both units of Glade Guard targeted the rallied Skinks behind my right Krox and killed three of them, though they passed their panic test.

In close combat, though, it was pretty much the beginning of the end for me. The Eternal Guard champion challenged Ara-kor, and was squished for his troubles. Because of that unit-wide ward save that the Eternal Guard had, however, I failed to get any overkill points, and Ara-kor needed snake eyes to stay. Predictably, I failed, and Ara-kor turned and fled…and ran right into those damned Wild Riders. As an encore, the rightmost Treekin ripped the Stegadon to bloody shreds and sent the crew running for their lives. On the left flank, however, things went a lot better, as the Treekin did two wounds to the Krox, who returned the favour by slaughtering two whole Treekin in return (clearly, their idea that trees can defeat very large axes was misplaced). Despite witnessing the deforestation of his two brethren, the last Treekin held.

Turn 4

At this point, it was clear that I was losing BADLY, and that I needed to get some points back for a draw. Sadly, the fleeing Stegadon crew was blocking my rightmost Kroxigor’s charge on the Treekin who had just mauled the Stegadon. With no charging to do, there was nothing left but for me to rally the crew, which I did. In the movement phase, the Saurus turned back around to face the Eternal Guard’s flank, and my middle Skinks moved up to target the remaining Wood Elf scouts. My last Terradons, meanwhile, zoomed down to javelin that damned Eagle.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl tried to unleash the relentless forces of Death upon the Asrai…and succeeded in wounding himself in the process. Apparently he failed to say one crytic syllable with sufficient creepiness, or something. In the shooting phase, though, my middle Skinks plinked off the last two Asrai Scouts, and the Terradons scored another wound on the Eagle… not quite enough to kill it.

In the ongoing melee on the left, the last Treekin managed to kill my already-wounded Krox and wound another, while only taking a single wound back. Combat was a draw, and so the melee continued.

In the Wood Elf turn, the Treekin charged the recently-rallied Stegadon crew, who fled again, causing the Treekin to crash into my Krox instead. Elsewhere, the Wild Riders zoomed down into the woods, and the Eternal Guard about-faced to engage the Saurus in a staring contest (hah, we automatically win that one! Lizards don’t blink!) That, and the nearly-dead Eagle squawked and tried to move away from my hungry Terradons.

In the magic phase, I managed to scroll the Blessing of Ariel. Sadly, I failed to dispel Twilight Host on the rightmost Treekin, so for the second time this game, they would be causing Terror. Drat. In the shooting phase, the Skinks who had killed the Scouts lost 5 of their number to the Glade Guard, and the last two turned and fled for their lives. The second unit of Glade Guard opened up on my middle Skinks, but, in a gross display of ineptitude, only hit three times and rolled nothing but 1’s to wound. Haw-haw!

In close combat on the right, the Terror-causing Treekin scored only two wounds on my Krox. Regrettably, though, their ward saves were particularly jammy, and they took no wounds back. My Kroxigor broke, fled, and were run down, allowing the Treekin to overrun into the Stegadon crew, who fled. The Treekin THEN overrun into my Skinks (the ones who had just laughed off the Glade Guard barrage) and forced THEM to flee as well. Oh the shame of it all.

On the left flank, however, the last Treekin only scored one wound, and took one wound in return. Obligingly, it broke and ran, only to get run down and hacked apart by my lumberjack Krox.


In my turn, my Terradons charged the Eagle, who squawked in alarm and fled. It didn’t quite flee fast enough, though, and got ripped to shreds in midair, leaving the Terradons to overrun into the Wild Riders. The Saurus, knowing that the Terradons would die horribly on their own against the Wild Riders, tried to charge them as well…and fell short, exposing their flank to the Eternal Guard.

At this point, though, I didn’t even bother to rally the Skinks. I had lost, I knew it, and there was no way I was going to claw back enough points for a draw, so I threw in the towel.

The diminutive mage leading the lizard-folk suddenly stood upright, it’s crest flaring a bright, translucent green. Wordlessly, the reptiles suddenly turned around and broke into an orderly retreat, leaving their dead behind. Lord Kalenthil Autumnsong paused and lowered his blade, watching the foe retreat into the distance.

“Shall we give chase, my lord?” his banner-bearer, Nytha, asked.

The Asrai Highborn shook his head. “That would deter us from our purpose, Nytha,” he replied. “Though I know not how or why these lizard-folk are here, it is not them we came to march against.”

Nytha nodded. Ever since that thrice-cursed Vampire had raided the Sacred Vale, the Asrai had been on the march to catch him and bring him to justice. The arrival of the Lizards, however, had complicated matters, and Nytha inwardly cursed when she realized that this engagement had brought the Vampire more time to escape with the Everwinter Shard.

“Rally the warriors, Nytha,” Kalenthil said, “and have the Spellsingers rouse the Treekin to march once again. We can’t afford to waste any time—“

“My Lord! Be alert!” one of the Eternal Guard suddenly cried. The Asrai collectively spun around in alarm, blades raised. Kalenthil’s keen eyes suddenly widened at the sight that greeted him.

The leader of the Lizardmen host—the one who had been run down by the Wild Riders—was staggering back to its feet. It was bleeding from countless wounds, and so much blood was coming out that Kalenthil wondered at how it was still alive. Then the Oldblood staggered back to its full height, and Kalenthil finally noticed that the creature’s wounds were closing rapidly. Somehow, this thing had an incredible healing rate.

As the Oldblood stood upright, it turned its cold reptilian gaze on Kalenthil. The Asrai expected to see savage fury in its eyes, but instead, it seemed calm and introspective, gazing at him as though he were a fly on the wall. I didn’t take Kalenthil long to realize that this lizard-thing was dismissing him as a threat. The Lizards hadn’t come to fight them after all—they didn’t care one way or the other about them.

A second later, the Oldblood snatched up its fallen blade, and before the Wood Elves could react, it turned and bounded away, disappearing into the clearing faster than any steed. Before long, silence reigned in the woods once more.

Result: Loss

Shards Recovered: 4

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
04-08-2008, 23:26
Thoughts: Well, that sucked. It was going okay until turn two, at which point pretty much everything fell down the pan. I really have no excuse this time: I can’t blame the opponent’s army list or my dice at all. I lost because I was out-played, fair and square.

In retrospect, it was really dumb of me to throw my Oldblood into such an obvious trap. If I’d kept him back, then I could have dealt with those Treekin with his Burning Blade of Treekill, at which point I could have saved a lot of my other units from the thwacking that they delivered. Similarly, losing my Salamanders to panic was equally dumb, and I should have known better than to send my Scouts right into charge range of the Treekin. It just took one failed panic test to lose me my number-one Elf-killing unit.

Still, in all other respects, I was simply out-played. Props to my opponent, who gave an A+ game and was a real gent through the whole battle. Next time, he can be sure I WON’T be falling for any of his sneaky traps.

MVP: Um…I guess the left-flank Kroxigor win this one for actually beating their Treekin opponents.

Opponent’s MVP: Without a doubt, it has to go to the right-flank Treekin. On their own, they munched through my Stegadon and Krox, two of my hardest close combat units. Of course, it helped that they were causing Terror half the time.

Next: The Vampires Return! (And yes, they're thirsty)

El Haroldo
05-08-2008, 01:07
Good report, I love the narrative style starts and ends, and the personification of acts within the battle report really makes it easier to visualise as well as being funny.

Are you 100% fire isn't flaming?

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
05-08-2008, 01:30
Good report, I love the narrative style starts and ends, and the personification of acts within the battle report really makes it easier to visualise as well as being funny.

Are you 100% fire isn't flaming?

Well, game-wise, it seems all fire except Salamander fire counts as flaming. One player I know justified this once by saying that, technically, the Sallies don't shoot fire, but highly combustible acid. In which case, the "Spout Flames" rule should be rewritten as "Spit Acid" or something.

I still intend to refer to my Sallies as "burninating Lizards," though.:D

El Haroldo
05-08-2008, 05:18
So Tzeentch magical fire is fire, lore of fire is fire, dragon fire is fire, but highly combustible acid, written as the special rule 'spits fire' isn't?

Is there a Lizard FAQ/Errata? Can anyone clear up how spits fire isn't considered flaming?

Prophet of Quetzl
05-08-2008, 07:21
I'm sure the 6th ed FAQ for Lizards stated that it was flaming (IIRC it was classic GW FAQ wording something like "It's called spits flames so of course it's flaming!") but this hasn't been copied to the 7th ed FAQ for whatever reason.

Again, great report.

05-08-2008, 11:53
When you said the kroxigor were blocked in their charge by the terradon crew- cant kroxigor charge through skinks? Does this not extend to a skink crew?

My apologies if that sounds dumb, as I am not a lizardman player.

I enjoy reading your reports!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
05-08-2008, 14:18
When you said the kroxigor were blocked in their charge by the terradon crew- cant kroxigor charge through skinks? Does this not extend to a skink crew?

My apologies if that sounds dumb, as I am not a lizardman player.

I enjoy reading your reports!

Krox can charge through Skinks...as long as they're not fleeing. That's the crucial thing: Krox can't charge through fleeing units of Skinks, which, sadly, was what the Steggie crew were.

06-08-2008, 22:10
The recent US GT FAQ in regards to Sallies contradicted itself by stating in one section, they were flaming and in another that they were not, so best to sort this with an opponent before hand on a D6 me thinks.
Aside from that, another good Br there as per usual, you must stop trying to use your JSOD all the time though by himself, in a unit they are still fearsome, using the power of the trainers as a deterrent can be just as effective....

By the way Tomb Kings SSC's actually state they are flaming and magical...

Look forward to the next chapter...

06-08-2008, 22:21
doesn't the salamnder spout flame attacks says they spit out corrosive acid?

I remeber asking rules for flaming weapons/attacks on the rule forum and thats what I was told. likewise the dwarf flaming cannon isn't a fire attack, flamers shooting is and the chaos dwarf black hammer isn't. go figure

though now have to wonder if the wood elves ran up with the vampires? sounds like cool fluff for a 3 way battle. :D

06-08-2008, 23:10
Fluff wise it's like Acidic Napalm
so its on fire but its also corrosive,
so its definitely not your average fire.

El Haroldo
07-08-2008, 01:17
I'd say acid would do a better job of putting a stop to regen than fire, especially flaming acid.

07-08-2008, 20:28
As usual an excellent battle report. Shame about your shard situation though!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
24-08-2008, 14:57
Next batrep coming soon...I just have to get around to writing the bucketload of fluff that accompanies it.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-09-2008, 17:50
Battle 15: More New Blood


In the days following our brief battle with the Wood Elves, I have discovered a great many things through both direct investigation and scrying. For the main part, I do not believe that the Wood Elves, for now, can be viewed as antagonists in this affair: although they did indeed attack us, I now believe that it was by pure chance rather than design. Rather, it seems to me that there is a darker presence involved.

For the past few days, I have sensed the distant magical signiature of some malevolent entity. The Warhost has since been following the signiature under my advice, and I have finally determined that the trace is that of a group of Vampires. These Vampires, however, are not nearly as powerful as the ones we have fought in the past, though I have come to the conclusion that, judging by the tracks left by them and their abominable servants, they may very well be the ones the Wood Elves were after.

The simplicity of the matter, however, ends there: after much scrying, I have determined that these Vampires may indeed be carrying a shard. If these Vampires did indeed, as I have theorized, raid the forest of Athel Loren, then it is possible that they may have stolen the shard from there. The fact that that this may mean there have been two consecutive shards in the Wood Elves’ realm raises more questions than answers. For example, if the Wood Elves were pursuing the Vampires in the first place, does this mean that they are after the Shard as well?

These questions will have to wait for now. Ara-kor is leading an advance force to catch up with the Vampires and crush them utterly. Even so, I now feel that there may be far more to the mystery of the shards than I had first suspected....


Caleb stared in fascination as the shard as he held it in his armoured fingers. It was small, barely the size of his forefinger, but it shone like a diamond in the vision of his witchsight. To the naked eye, though, it was a black obsidian , punctuated by faint green traces of magical energy. Caleb smiled. The colour was that of the deepest night. He liked the night.

He pocketed the shard once more. “Strange how we raided the Elfwoods just for this tiny little thing, Mal,” he said, turning around. “You’d think we would have been able to get away with worthier riches.”

His brother, Malakai Ghoulkeeper, remained impassive beneath his heavy cowl. “That shard is what the Master desired, brother,” he said. The Ghouls that surrounded him became agitated and noisome at the mention of the Master—Malakai silenced them all with a single gesture. “You know better than to disobey his word?”

“Disobey?” Caleb gave a sneering grin. “Mord, as long as he gives me blood to shed and foes to kill, I gladly do whatever little thing the Master wishes.”

Nearby, the third brother, Absalom, growled hungrily at the mention of bloodshed. Absalom, unlike Caleb and Malakai, was a poor unfortunate who could never quite control his baser urges. His current form was the result of that.

“Good,” Malakai said. “You will have the chance for more fun soon enough then, brother.”

Caleb raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And why is that?”

“Because,” Malakai said, turning and staring out into the dark woods, “we’re about to have company.”

For a moment, Caleb was silent...before he gave a fanged, bloodthirsty grin.

“How nice, then!” he laughed. “Our meals will come to us tonight!”

Caleb laughed. The Ghouls chattered excitedly. Absalom howled up at the unnatural darkness of the sky.

The dead did not rest peacefully this day.

This battle was my second game against the new Vampire Counts. Because this game was originally meant to be a quickie (as neither of us knew how long we would be playing), we settled for a 1500 point battle. Seeing as I had never fought a 1500-point game before, I thought this would be pretty interesting.

Our lists were as follows:


Scar-Leader Ara-kor- great weapon, light armour, shield, Aura of Quetzl, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Quetzl and Sotek- 178
Tlacepotl the Wise- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls, Spawning of Quetzl- 155
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl, Scouts- 75
3 Kroxigor- 175
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Packs- 195

Total: 1427

Looking back, I realize that I could have used a third Skink unit in this battle, seeing as I had the points. But then, that’s hindsight for you.


Vampire- Walach’s Bloody Hauberk, Red Fury (and possibly Summon Ghouls)
Vampire- Ghoulkin, Summon Ghouls
Necromancer- 2 Dispel Scrolls
29 Zombies- standard, musician
23 Ghouls- Ghast
23 Ghouls- Ghast
12 Dire Wolves
3 Spirit Hosts

Lots of Ghouls (no surprises there), and quite a few spellcasters. The presence of the Varghulf was more than a little worrying, though, given what I had heard of that beastie (flying terror-causer, lots of s5 attacks with Hatred, and Regeneration).


From memory, terrain consisted of a big woodland on the right-hand side, a big pond on the lower left side, and a few hills here and there that really weren’t in anyone’s way.

For my deployment, I put my Salamanders right behind the pond (which they would advance through without penalty thanks to their Aquatic rule), and had Tlacepotl join them. To the right of them I put my two Saurus blocks, with Ara-kor inhabiting the leftmost unit. Behind the leftmost Saurus, I also put my Terradons—I was hoping to have them either divert the Varghulf, or go Necromancer hunting. Next to the Saurus I placed a unit of Skinks with the Krox right behind them, ready to have them either outflank stuff or deal with any of his own flankers.

In turn, the Vampire player placed one Ghoul unit in the centre, joined by the Necromancer and non-General Vampire, with the Zombies to their right (close to the wood) and the Spirit Hosts lurking behind the said Zombies. To the left of this infantry grouping, several inches away, he put his other Ghoul unit and General (though why he put his General’s unit on the far flank, I didn’t know). He finished by placing his Varghulf behind his main infantry blocks, and his Dire Wolves on the right flank on the other side of the wood, ready to zoom down to attack my army in the side.

Of course, being the sly devil that I am, I then put my Scouts in the wood to block some marching in future turns.

Tlacepotl rolled Wind of Death and Dark Hand of Death for his spells—an excellently shooty combo. The Vampires, meanwhile, rolled Invocation of Nehek and Curse of Years between them, and the Necromancer was given Danse Macabre. For some reason, though, they would all be using nothing but Invocation in this battle. Go figure.

Turn 1

Before the turn began, the Vampire General’s Ghouls on the left flank moved up, though the central Ghouls didn’t do the same for some reason (which struck me as odd—doesn’t Ghoulkin affect all Ghouls in the army?). With my usual Reptilian Luck™, I won the first time and wasted no time in advancing. On the left flank, my Terradons zoomed up next to the leftmost Ghouls, partly to march-block them, and partly so I could draw the Varghulf away from my Saurus battle-line. My Saurus, Sallies and Krox also all advanced up cautiously (the Salamanders moved up into the pond), with my normal Skinks still forming a screen in front of the Krox, and my Scouts staying out of line of sight in the wood, but still moving up enough to march-block the Ghoul line. Finally, Ara-kor stayed where he was in the leftmost Saurus unit, preparing to zoom out once something soft and squishy came in charging range.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl managed to cast Wind of Death on the Ghouls, but the Undead dispelled it. The shooting phase more than made up for it, though. Thanks to the free Ghoulkin move, the General’s Ghouls were now well in burninating range of the Salamanders, who obligingly roasted eight of them. The Terradons added to the carnage by plinking off another with their javelins, though I waited to see how many of them those evil, eeeeevil vampires managed to bring back in their magic phase.

In the Vampire turn, there were no charges, so my opponent skipped straight to movement. The Varghulf took the Terradon bait and zoomed down the left flank, landing near my flying lizards and looking at them hungrily. The Ghouls and Zombies all advanced, with the Spirit Hosts staying behind the Zombies, ready to counter-charge anything that zoomed/flew past the infantry block. Because of my Terradons, however, the advance of the Vampire and his bestial retinue on the left flank was slowed to a crawl. On the right flank, the Dire Wolves circled around the wood, facing the flank of my Saurus battle-line and my screening Skinks.

In the dreaded magic phase, I braced myself, preparing for yet another dreadful magical pwnage. To my relief, however, the Necromancer was out of resurrecting range of the General’s Ghouls. The General tried to rectify the situation by casting Danse Macabre on his unit, but Tlacepotl quickly scrolled it. The Ghoulkin vampire, meanwhile, tried twice in a row to resurrect his fallen little friends, but both times, he used a single dice to cast, and both times, he failed.

With that, the turn was over. I had survived the Undead magic phase…somehow. But, uhh…I’m bound to fail it next turn, right?

Turn 2

My turn didn’t start too well, as the Varghulf started doing a very, very bad comedy routine in front of the Terradons. Squawking in alarm, they turned and flew away in terror, ending up just a few inches from the board edge. (Rats…literally. I could actually use some sacrificial Skaven right about now….) This minor inconvenience aside, however, my army was still holding together. On the right flank, my Kroxigor charged the Zombies. I knew full well that this would leave them open to a flank charge by the central Ghouls, but I also knew that this would potentially leave the said Ghouls open to a flank charge in turn by my Saurus, even if they managed to overrun. To this end, my two Saurus units sat tight, daring the Undead to come towards them.

The only other movement consisted of the Scouts and normal Skinks (who had passed their leadership test from the Krox running through them) narrowing in on the Dire Wolves, Tlacepotl leaving the Salamanders (in case they became Varghulf food in future turns), and Ara-kor leaving his unit and zooming up between the two Ghoul units.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl, in a desperate bid to out-goth the Vampires, once again tried to cast Wind of Death. He succeeded with Irresistable Force, but only killed two of the General’s Ghouls. He then managed to cast Dark Hand of Death with a single dice, but the Undead mercilessly dispelled it. In the shooting phase, however, my Salamanders burninated another five of the General’s unit, leaving only seven of the nervous grave-diggers cowering around their Vampire master. On the right flank, my two Skinks units unleashed a torrent of javelin fire on the Dire Wolves from two directions, and killed four of them. Sadly, this didn’t quite make that big a dent in their numbers.

In close combat, the Kroxigor slammed into the Zombies and squished four of them into rotten bits. The lone Zombie left in the front rank could only paw ineffectively at the Krox, but he and his cadaverous buddies still won combat by 1. My cold-blooded Krox, however, simply didn’t care.

In the Vampire turn, the Dire Wolves charged the non-scouting Skinks. Normally, I would have liked to stand and shoot, especially since I was feeling confident about how the Skinks and their 4+ save would fare against the Wolves in close combat. Fate, however, denied me that experiment, as the Skinks failed their fear test, got run down and became dog food (Purina, sadly, not Science Diet). This left the Dire Wolves facing the flank of my Saurus line, which could lead to a very nasty situation indeed. The Varghulf, meanwhile, eager to finish his joke, flew after the Terradons, who fled some more and flapped off the board. Turn 2, and I’d already lost two units. Sacrificial Skaven, please? Anyone?

To my surprise, however, the Ghouls didn’t do any charges on my Kroxigor—clearly, they were wary of my little trap. Instead, both units of Ghouls advanced towards my Saurus, and with that, the magic phase began. Ignoring the other spells in his repertoire, the Vampire player concentrated on trying to resurrect his diminished Ghouls and Zombies. The Ghoulmaster’s first spell was cast successfully, but was dispelled by Tlacepotl. The other four castings, quite embarrassingly, all failed. I was beginning to think that the Undead casters had all learned their trade by skimming through “Necromancy For Dummies.”

In close combat, the Kroxigor continued to play Whack-a-Zombie, squishing another five of the rotters and sticking around to squish some more.


At this stage, I was behind on points with the loss of the Skinks and the Terradons, and I really needed to claw some points back. With this in mind, my forces manoeuvred, with Ara-kor zooming behind the General’s Ghouls to march-block them (being the idiot that I am, I neglected to charge him in to hopefully kill off the Vampire General), my Sallies and Mage stayed put, my Skinks retreated back into the woods, and the two Saurus units shuffled slightly so that, if the Ghoulmaster and company charge one unit, I could flee and counter-charge with the other. A fine plan in theory, but it would be undone if he decided to charge my left-most unit with the Ghouls and pin down my rightmost unit with a flank charge from the Dire Wolves.

Knowing that I had to keep hammering the Ghouls, I had Tlacepotl cast Wind of Death once again, but this time I drew a dispel scroll, while Dark Hand of Death was similarly dispelled. In the shooting phase, the Sallies once again proved their weight in gold by deep-frying six more Ghouls (though they ate three handlers in the process). This meant that only one Ghoul remained on the left flank, standing next to a very annoyed-looking Vampire.

In close combat, the Kroxigor continued to have fun, bashing down four more Zombies and holding their ground.

In the Vampire turn, the central Ghouls charged my leftmost Saurus. Now, as tough as my Saurus were, I wasn’t too keen on their chances of holding out for long against a big, fear-causing unit of Ghouls led by a Vampire, and, remembering how nasty the Ghouls were in my previous game against the Undead, I fled. The Saurus safely got away, but because of some misjudged distances on my part, the Ghouls, after moving halfway, were still clearly out of the charge range of my other Saurus unit. Crapulence.

Elsewhere, the Varghulf swooped down right next to Ara-kor, eager to tell him the one about the Warrior Priest, the Damsel and the Chaos Lord who walked into a bar, while the Dire Wolves shuffled around so they were facing upwards at the Kroxigor for…some…reason.

In the magic phase, the Vampire player again unleashed a torrent of invocations. This time, however, some magical potency shone through as I failed to dispel the first casting, and six Ghouls were re-summoned to the General’s unit. As luck would have it, I failed to dispel the second casting as well, and another four Ghouls were summoned, bulking the General’s unit back up to 11. Thankfully, he failed his third casting attempt, and ended the magic phase. Still, my plan of siccing Ara-kor on the nearly-alone Vampire next turn had just hit a big, snarling curb.

In close combat, my Kroxigor smashed apart four more Zombies, who could only stand there and moan “Braaaaains,” and “Arrrre yoooou haaaappy with yooour liiiife insuuuuraaance?” This time, the Undead’s ranks had decreased to the point where they actually lost combat, and one of the rotters crumbled due to combat resolution.


With the Varghulf breathing down his neck, Ara-kor zoomed out of the beast’s line of sight, as did Tlacepotl and the Sallies. My Saurus, thankfully, rallied, and my right flank Saurus stayed put. If they got combo-charged by the central Ghoul unit and the Dire Wolves, I knew, they would be dead. My Scouts continued to edge out of the woods, exposing themselves to the Spirit Hosts in the process. If the Spirits went after them, I figured, then my Krox would be safe if they managed to finish off the Zombies this turn.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl once again cast Wind of Death on the General’s Ghouls, and once again drew out a dispel scroll. The Salamanders, as usual, did one better, burninating a massive seven Ghouls and thus eliminating most of the ones that the Vampire player had all-too-recently resurrected.

In close combat, though, the Kroxigor finally remembered that they were hitting the Zombies on 3s, and brutally ripped apart seven of them. The remaining Zombies moaned in terror and crumbled, leaving the Krox with a nice, shiny standard (Zombies may be rotting, brainless corpses, but they have excellent taste in heraldry.)

Sadly, the defeat of the Zombies left the Krox open to the Spirit Hosts, who ignored the Skinks and charged into the big lugs. The Krox fled the charge, and rolled pretty high. For a moment, I thought they had made it…until the Vampire player reminded me that Spirit Hosts have Movement 12. To my chagrin, the Kroxigor were run down and killed in ways that would have made the Ghostbusters flinch. In retrospect, I probably should have held. Thankfully, the nearby right-flank Saurus didn’t panic. Still, this meant that I had lost that pretty Zombie standard…

Elsewhere, the General’s Ghouls and the Varghulf both had line of sight to the flank of my recently-rallied Saurus, and both charged in. Naturally, I fled, and thankfully, the Saurus escaped by about an inch. The other unit of Ghouls and the Dire Wolves, surprisingly, didn’t charge my other Saurus, though in the movement phase, the Dire Wolves zoomed down a bit to face their flank.

In the magic phase, Invocation was once again cast multiple times on one dice. The first two castings failed and were dispelled, respectively, but I failed to dispel the third casting, and four Ghouls were summoned back to the General’s unit, bringing the motley crue back up to eight. (Curse those vampires. Curse them and their sabbath of black arts). The fourth casting, though, suffered the kiss of death, and the Ghoulkin vampire flunked like the dumb motorhead that he was.

(Yes, I know, I’ll stop all the sneaky metal references).

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-09-2008, 17:52

In my turn, I rallied my Saurus, but, being the dunce that I am, I repositioned them in such a way so that Mr. Varghulf was still on their flank. I moved my Scar-Vet between the General’s Ghouls and the Vargie, ready to counter-charge either if they hit my Saurus again. Elsewhere, my Skinks edged out of the woods to get into javelining range of the central Ghouls. And my Sallies and Priest, of course, stayed put.

In the magic phase, Wind of Death and Dark Hand were once again dispelled. The Salamanders turned their burning spittle on the Varghulf, but apparently their spittle wasn’t nearly burning enough, as the Undead beastie regenerated the few wounds it suffered. That thing was really, really beginning to annoy me. My Scouts, however, had much better luck, plinking off four of the central Ghouls. When in doubt, use poison…

In the Undead turn, the Vampires once again initiated a few charges, with the General’s Ghouls and Varghulf once again hitting my left-flank Saurus. This time, I passed my fear test and held, and due to their positioning, the Ghouls hit them in the front while the Varghulf hit them in the flank. Everything else manoeuvred, with the central Ghouls edging forward slightly (marchblocked as they were by my Scouts), and the Dire Wolves shuffling some more, unsure as to whether or not they actually wanted to charge my rightmost Saurus.

In the magic phase, the Vampires once again unleashed their torrent of one-dice invocations…and failed to cast, failed to cast, got dispelled, and failed to cast, all in that order.

In close combat, my Spawning Champion issued a challenge, which was accepted by a Ghast. The aforementioned Ghast then proceeded to flail uselessly at my Champion’s shield, and got his skull staved in for his troubles. Elsewhere, the Varghulf slammed into the Saurus’ flank with a roar of “I can haz lizardburger?” Despite being full of strength 5 hatred, though, it only killed one Saurus thanks to their hefty armour save. The Vampire managed to kill two more thanks to its Red Fury, and then the Ghouls scored two more wounds. And guess what? I failed both 3+ saves I was required to make. My Saurus had lost and were outnumbered. Grimly, I rolled their leadership test…

…and watched as it came up a double 1! My Saurus, being the dead ‘ard reptiles that they are, stuck around for another go! PRAISE QUETZL!


With a roar, Ara-kor charged into the rear of the embattled Ghouls, hoping to kill off the Vampire leading them. This, however, left his rear exposed to the central Ghouls. If they counter-charged him, then chances were their static combat resolution would be enough to break him. With this in mind, I moved my right-flank Saurus up to block the other Ghoul unit. This, however, left the Saurus in rather scary position, with a vampire-led unit of Ghouls in front of them, the Spirit Hosts to their flank and the Dire Wolves to their rear. Hopefully, though, their tough armour save and multiple attacks might help them survive a combo-charge.

In the rest of my movement, the Salamanders and Skink Priest edged up into burninating range of the central Ghouls. My magic was once again a no-show, so I went on to shooting. The Salamanders did not disappoint, unleashing twenty-something hits and killing nine Ghouls, while the Scouts joined in and killed two more, leaving four left in the unit along with the attendant Vampire and Necromancer. The Vampire player could only shake his head in white-faced disbelief, while, I was left feeling more than a little guilty at such a potent shooting phase.

In close combat….

Caleb howled with exhilaration as he let the noise of combat envelop his senses. The clashing of blades, the howls of fury, the shrieks of the dying...all of it sounded to him like the sweetest of music. After trudging across the field for so long and having to endure the flames of those lizard-beasts, Caleb was in paradise.

In the swirling melee that surrounded him, Saurus clashed with his Ghouls and with his fallen, bestial brother, Absalom. These creatures were no weak humans or Elves: they were tough, scaled brutes who easily outclassed the Ghouls in strength and savagery. Even though they were outflanked and outnumbered, they were fighting on with a fearless discipline that Caleb couldn’t help but admire. Perhaps once he killed them, he would resurrect them as a bodyguard—

The sound of running feet caught Caleb’s ears, and he spun around, blade at the ready. The lone Saurus that had been sprinting circles around his retinue for most of the battle was now running towards the combat, its powerful legs carrying it in long bounds faster than any horse. It was bedecked in ornate obsinite armour, its scaled, dragon-like head nestled in a bronze helmet fashioned from the skull of some great reptilian beast. In its hands it held a huge, toothed blade that looked like it could shatter an oak tree with a single blow. It looked bigger than the other Saurus, and faster, and meaner—Caleb saw a glint of predatory savagery mixed with ancient intellect in its eyes. And it was coming right towards him.

The Vampire laughed and pointed his sword at the oncoming reptile, gesturing that he accepted its challenge. “Come on, beast!” he roared. “Let’s see what you’re made of!”

Ara-kor responded in a wordless roar as it leapt right at Caleb, his sword descending for the killing blow. The Vampire’s own broadsword came up to deflect the blow, and sparks flew as the two weapons met. The force of the impact actually pushed Caleb back, causing him to grunt as his armoured heels dug into the earth. Showing agility that belied his size, Ara-kor suddenly leapt back, his tail swinging upwards and slamming into the Vampire’s midsection, sending him staggering backwards.

Landing on his clawed legs, Ara-kor hurled himself again at the Vampire. He had sensed this Undead creature’s monstrous strength and toughness the moment they had crossed blades, and he knew that this one would be a worthy opponent for him. All sense of purpose was lost in that one instant: now there was only the fight.

Ara-kor’s great weapon swung in again, once again being deflected by Caleb’s ancient sword. Breaking off, the Vampire swung in, his sword scraping across Ara-kor’s obisinite breastplate—the Saurus chopped down, the teeth of his blade ripping across the Vampire’s cuirass and tearing into the withered flash beneath. Caleb staggered back, surprise written upon his withered features.

Bearing his fangs in a snarl, Caleb gave an enraged howl, and hurled himself at Ara-kor, and the duel resumed in earnest.

In the ensuing challenge, Ara-kor scored two wounds on the Vampire, though one bounced off its ward save. Striking back, the Vampire scored two wounds of its own, but both bounced off of my Scar-Vet’s hefty armour save and ward. In the rest of the combat, the Varghulf killed one Saurus, and the Ghouls killed one more, before the Saurus killed one back. This time, the Saurus won thanks to their musician, and another Ghoul crumbled/ran away/spontaneously ceased to be. The Varghulf, however, just regenerated its combat-resolved wound with a nonchalant shrug.

In the Vampire turn, I crossed my fingers as I waited for the multi-charge on my other Saurus. A multi-charge which, to my surprise, never came: with his Ghouls depleted, the Vampire player didn’t want to risk a charge into my Saurus, especially after seeing how hard the other unit was proving to kill. Instead, he charged his Spirit Hosts into my Scouts, who bravely held their ground for…some…reason. Everything else just stayed still. Clearly, the other Vampire and his Necromancer lackey were busy arguing over whether the Blade trilogy was better than the Underworld movies (the Ghouls were of the opinion that Bram Stoker’s Dracula was better than either franchise, but, as usual, they were never listened to).

In the magic phase, the Undead player threw everything he had into healing his General. The first casting of Invocation was dispelled with all of my dice, and the next two failed outright. The third, however, was cast successfully, and it seemed like he might heal his General after all…until I revealed Tlacepotl’s second, unused Dispel Scroll, which he had been holding on to for just such an occasion. The spell was stopped, and the Vampire player began to look very pale indeed (perhaps he needed more sunlight?)

In close combat…

The mass-melee became more instense now, with claws and blades whirling and blood spilling everywhere. Howls, both reptilian and undead, echoed across the field as the two sides tore into each other. And at the centre of it all, the two leaders fought.

Caleb and Ara-kor were surrounded by a miniature storm of whirling steel as the two traded blows with a furious intensity. The two were evenly-matched in strength—the sheer volume of the ringing peal of their blows was a testament to that. The Vampire, however, was faster and more skilled, as he parried and dodged the slower Saurus’ blows again and again. The only factor that kept Ara-kor from being overwhelmed was his sheer, bloody-minded stubbornness and predatory ferocity. Every time Caleb found an opening, he would be driven back by the Saurus’ snapping jaws or swinging tail.

Their blades clashed again and locked, the batwing-hilted sword of the vampire grinding against the obsinite teeth of Ara-kor’s blade. Caleb swiftly kicked Ara-kor in the midsection, his blow cracking the Saurus’ breastplate as it forced the Saurus back. The two parted momentarily, before lunging into the fray once again. Mortal foes would have been pausing for breath by now, but neither the unliving Vampire nor the inhuman Saurus knew exhaustion.

Roaring, Ara-kor slashed at Caleb, only for the Vampire to duck the blow. Caleb smiled, his broadsword swinging upwards and battering Ara-kor’s weapon aside with such force that it was torn from the Saurus’ grip. Howling with triumph, Caleb pulled his sword around and dove forwards, aiming to impale his opponent through the heart...

There was a metallic shriek as the Vampire’s blade tore into Ara-kor’s breastplate...and stopped before it could even prick the Saurus’ scales. Caleb’s eyes widened. Was this some kind of sorcerous trick?

He didn’t have time to contemplate the matter, sadly, as Ara-kor grabbed onto the wrist of Caleb’s sword-arm with both scaled hands. There was a twisting shriek of metal and a sickening crack of bone, and Caleb screamed as the Saurus ripped his right arm bloodily from its socket. The Vampire staggered backwards, thin blood trailing from his ruptured arm. He fumbled with his good arm, trying desperately to draw a short sword to defend himself.

Ara-kor didn’t give him the chance. Closing the distance between them, Ara-kor gave a predatory lunge and clamped his powerful jaws around Caleb’s throat. The Vampire gave a gurgling cry as tainted blood spilled from its throat, and he squirmed to get free. The Vampire’s struggles ceased as Ara-kor wrenched his head backwards, ripping the Vampire’s throat out in a shower of blood.

Despite not having a throat, Caleb’s anguished cry could be heard across the battlefield like some angry wind. The Vampire’s flesh seemed to shrivel like parchment, and trails of dust began to blow from its fingertips. Then, in an instant, the Vampire suddenly exploded outwards in a shower of dust. An empty suit of armour and a sword clattered to the ground in its wake, both coated in gravedust. Something small and dark clattered from the folds of the cuirass as it fell.

Spitting out the dust in his mouth, Ara-kor knelt down and picked the object up in a taloned hand. It was one of the shards, its obsidian surface glinting coldly in the unnatural darkness. Ara-kor simply growled, pocketed the shard, and went off to find more Undead to kill, silently thanking Quetzl as he did so.

The duel between the two leaders continued, with the Vampire once again scoring two wounds on Ara-kor, and once again being thwarted by his ward save. PRAISE QUETZL! In return, Ara-kor scored two wounds back. The Vampire rolled his ward saves…and saved only one. The head Vampire could only give a dramatic cry of “NOOOOO!” as he crumbled to dust, leaving behind an empty (and very expensive) suit of armour. Hmm, methinks Mr. Walach will be wanting that back…

In the rest of the combat, the Varghulf once again killed only one Saurus, while the Ghouls, obviously unnerved by their master’s re-death, failed to kill any. In return, the Saurus crunched two Ghouls, and won combat solidly. The Ghouls shrieked as the last three of them crumbled/ran away, and the Varghulf gave an annoyed grunt as it suffered a wound that it actually failed to regenerate.

In the last combat, the Spirit Hosts killed 3 Skinks, broke them, and ran them down. As they did so, however, the entire Undead army began to fall apart thanks to their master’s demise. Though the Varghulf and Ghouls were fine, the Spirit Hosts lost a base, and the Dire Wolves lost seven of their number, reducing them to just one very confused puppy.

With that, there was now no question of the outcome of this battle…

Lizardmen: 771
Vampire Counts: 539

Minor Victory to the Lizardmen!

Shards Recovered: 5


That was quite possibly the closest battle I have ever fought since the Battle 7 against the Wood Elves. Down to the very last turn, everything hinged on a very delicate balance, and there were numerous points where it could have gone either way. In the end, I got lucky: if it hadn’t been for that roll of snake eyes for my Saurus, they would have broken and gotten run down, and I would no doubt have lost. As it was, they held, which allowed me to counter-charge and kill off his Vampire. Given that this is my first-ever victory against the Vampire Counts, though, I’m not complaining (especially since I got a shard in the process!)

That said, although I’m quite happy to have won, there were numerous instances where the Vampire player simply failed to seize the advantage. His Dire Wolves, for example, spent almost the whole game idling and doing nothing, whereas they could easily have joined either Ghoul units for a flank charge on my Saurus. Similarly, his Varghulf spent quite a lot of the game doing nothing. Were I in the Vampire player’s shoes, I would have sent the big bad nasty after the Salamanders, who were easily the biggest threat to the Undead. Finally, his spellcasting was predictable and prone to failure: if he’d used more dice for his invocation spells (or tried casting Danse Macabre or Curse of Years, both of which could really have hurt me), he might have fared better. In the end, although the Vampire player was a great guy to play against, I feel that he simply didn’t play as well as he could have. To be fair, though, it seemed also that the Vampire player was handicapped somewhat by the points limit. This battle has left me with the impression that the crucial magic phase for the Undead simply isn’t as potent as it is in 2000 points or higher. In this game, he was simply unable to dominate the magic phase like my last VC opponent was, and this largely led to his defeat.

Other than that, it was a great game against a great opponent. He said he’s looking forward to a 2000 point rematch with me someday with his Daemons. Looks like I have another army to finally score a win against...

MVP: My Salamanders were phenomenal in this game, suffering only one misfire and roasting two huge Ghoul units down to fractions of their original strength. If it hadn’t been my Sallies, then those Ghouls would have been too numerous to defeat, and I probably would have lost. Instead, though, I burninated more Ghouls than the Vampires could resurrect, and they managed to get the leftmost Ghouls so understrength that my Scar-Vet could go snipe his General. My Saurus deserve an honourable mention, though, for rolling a double-one and kicking ass in combat until the end of the game.

LVP: The Terradons again, sadly. I just keep misusing these poor guys...

Opponent’s MVP: I’d probably give it to the Spirit Hosts for killing two successive units, but instead I’ll give it to the Varghulf. Its psychological impact was immense, as I spent most of the game desperately trying to avoid it, and when it finally reached combat, it was annoyingly unkillable.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-09-2008, 17:53
An uneasy silence covered the field in the aftermath of the battle. All of the remaining Undead had long since retreated into the depths of the woods, leaving the decomposing remains of their fallen brethren behind. Above, the unnatural darkness that had heralded the Vampires’s advance had receded, revealing a clear day-lit sky. The repugnant smell of rotting flesh wafted over the field, and Ara-kor ordered the Skink Tamers to have their Salamander charges burn the remains of the slain Undead. Although he knew that the smoke might give their position away to any potential enemies, Ara-kor did not want the Undead to potentially rise again. Killing them once was enough for him.

A pyre now burned in the centre of the clearing, the blackened husks of shrivelled corpses barely visible in the flames. Taking hold of the slain Vampire’s sword, Ara-kor walked up to the pyre and threw it into the flames. Taking a few seconds to observe the corrupted metal beginning to melt, Ara-kor turned and walked away, the flames sending glimmers of light along the blue scales of his back. He was satisfied, at least, that everything associated with these creatures was being destroyed.

Even so....something did not feel right. Although the Undead had been routed, and although they had retrieved one of the shards, a deep feeling of unease still dwelled in Ara-kor’s gut. Though he sensed no danger, he still did not like this sensation.

His cohorts felt the same way: ever since the battle had ended, the Saurus had been on high alert, watching the trees for any sign of attack. The surrounding wildlife was not making a single sound. Ara-kor the Undead’s spell, but he knew this was simply not the case. Something was wrong.

He walked over to Tlacepotl, who stood with his eyes closed as though in deep concentration. The Skink did not acknowledge the Scar-Leader’s presence as he approached. He simply continued to concentrate to himself.

“Priest,” Ara-kor said. As a matter of respectful formality, he never used Tlacepotl’s actual name, even though Tlacepotl was the one who had volunteered to help Ara-kor regain his memory. “What is wrong?”

Slowly and inexorably, Tlacepotl opened his eyes. His gaze was fixed ahead, as though Ara-kor wasn’t even there. There was something...different...about him.

Ara-kor’s hand strayed to the hilt of his great weapon. He did not want to harm his friend, but the Skink’s odd behaviour made him wary. He had heard of Xlanax being capable of possessing the minds of unwary mages, and he hoped this was not the case. “Answer me,” he growled. “What is happening?”

Tlacepotl’s gaze still did not register Ara-kor. Slowly, however, the Skink spoke, his voice sounding strangely distant and far away.

“Only when scattered can the scattered be found,” he said. “Beware the Shifting One.”

Suddenly, the Skink’s eyes widened. He stumbled backwards, as though drunk, and righted himself, leaning on his staff for support. He suddenly seemed extremely weak, frail, and bewildered.

“Ara-kor,” he said, his voice normal again, albeit weaker. “What just happened?”

The Saurus stared at the Skink. “Do you not know? You spoke to me. Do you not remember what you said?”

Tlacepotl stared at Ara-kor, as though gauging whether or not he was telling the truth. If he was about to say something, however, then he was interrupted by a roar of alarm from the Saurus, followed by the telltale whistle of arrows.

The Wood Elves had returned.


With perfect stealth, Lord Kalenthil’s host had infiltrated itself into a perfect position in the forest surrounding the battlefield, trusting in their own stealth skills and the alliance with the trees to mask their movements. Silently, they had observed the battle, and watched as the lizard-folk had warred against the Undead. They had witnessed the leader of the lizards slay the Vampire in single combat, and snatch the Everwinter Shard from his crumbling body. They had watched as the other Vampire and the remaining Undead had retreated into the darkness of the woods. They would not get far, they knew—not in their forest.

At first, they had debated on a course of action through hidden signals and signs to one another. Some had debated that, since the lizards had fought against the Undead, they were clearly allies, and that they should negotiate with them for the safe return of the shard. Others among them, however, argued that these lizards had already spilled Asrai blood in earlier incursions, and should be exterminated mercilessly. Then the Spellsingers had proclaimed that the Everwinter Shard must absolutely not fall into the Lizardmen’s claws—that this was the clear, irrefutable will of Isha and Kurnous. Trusting the advice of the Spellsingers over all else, Lord Kalenthil ordered the attack.

Arrows rained down on the Lizardmen as the Asrai sprang from their hiding places to attack. No sooner had the attack begun, however, when poisoned darts whipped back from the undergrowth as the Skinks recovered their wits and returned fire on the attackers. The Lizardmen had been more prepared than the Asrai had first thought, but they cared not. Whooping Wardancers and Wild Riders crashed into the waiting ranks of the Saurus, and with the clashing blades, the battle began in earnest.

At the centre of the Asrai line, Kalenthil fought at the head of his loyal Eternal Guard, The Asrai waded deep into the Lizardmen line, slashing and stabbing at anything that moved. Kalenthil personally exacted a fearsome toll upon the Lizardmen, each swing of his great sword hacking down a Saurus or Skink. As ferocious as the Lizardmen were, not one of them could match his superb swordsmanship, and, shouting the name of Kurnous, Kalenthil fought his way deeper into the Lizardmen host, Nytha fighting by his side as she held aloft the host’s battle standard.

Even as they pressed their attack, however, the Lizardmen’s resistance became more fierce. More poisoned darts fell upon the Wood Elves, dropping more of them to the ground as the Skinks darted back and forth in perfectly timed skirmish runs. In the melee, the Saurus redoubled their efforts, and Kalenthil saw quite a few Eternal Guard on either side of him hacked down by their brutal opponents. On the right flank, the Salamanders unleashed burning gouts of flame, and screams echoed across the field as Asrai were incinerated by the dozens. The Lizardmen were not going down without a fight, and for a few precarious moments, the battle was in a complete balance.

At the centre of the fighting, Ara-kor roared for his warriors to fight on as he fought of a trio of the tree-spawn of Loren. Nimbly avoiding the strike of the first Treekin, Ara-kor struck back, his great weapon ripping its limb off in a spray of sap. As the tree-spirit stumbled back, another rushed Ara-kor from behind and sent a heavy branch crunching into his side before he could dodge. The Scar-Leader snarled, feeling a few of his ribs break from the impact, and struck back, tearing a massive gouge into the centre of the offending Treekin. Before it could recover, Ara-kor rushed past it, slashing out at its middle as he ran. The death-howl of the Treekin echoed across the field as it the force of Ara-kor’s swing, combined with the momentum of his rush, hacked it in two.

Turning to face the last two Treekin, Ara-kor slashed out at the nearest one, tearing another limb off of the already-maimed Treekin while avoiding the rushing charge of the third. Spinning to avoid a clumsy counter-blow, Ara-kor hacked off what passed for the legs of the wounded Treekin, sending it toppling helplessy to the ground. A blow from the third slammed into the scales of his back, but he shrugged it off and spun, batting away its second strike with his mighty tail. He let out a mighty roar and began to hack into the last Treekin again and again with berserker fury, each blow tearing a massive chunk out of the wooden beast.

As the last Treekin finally toppled over, its body an unrecognizable slab of mangled wood and oozing sap, Ara-kor noticed the Eternal Guard fighting at the very centre of the conflict. At their centre stood a tall, blonde-haired Elf wielding a massive blade, which he used to deadly effect against the Saurus he was fighting. He turned suddenly, and fixed his gaze on Ara-kor. The Scar-Leader remembered this one as the leader of the Wood Elf host he had fought earlier. He had never actually gotten the chance to fight him in single combat....

Neither of them said anything. Words were unnecessary: Ara-kor simply broke into a charge, raising his toothed greatsword high as he roared. The Elf Lord settled into a defensive stance, staring the Saurus down as he readied himself for his charge...

And then it happened.

Seconds before the two blades could meet, a brilliant flash suddenly lit the battlefield, like a new sun, nstantly blinding all the combatants. What was once a savage, yet orderly battle quickly turned to Chaos as opponents staggered about drunkenly, grasping blindly for something solid or else frantically slicing at empty air. The thick stench of ozone could be smelled hanging in the air, as well as a very strong feeling of static. The two lords staggered away from one another, and fighting generally ceased as the two armies were left completely incapacitated.

Forcing his eyes open, Kalenthil took a few vital seconds to let his keen eyes adjust to the light. His vision gradually returned, albeit tinged in a blue light—possibly his eyes had been damaged by the flash. He quickly sprang back to his feet, ready to counter any attack his opponent might make. To his surprise, the Oldblood’s eyes were also open, but it was was ignoring him, standing just ahead of him but staring intently to the side. The same blue light that was illuminating everything shone brightly across the Lizard’s green scales, bathing him in an unearthly glow.

A low growl escaped from Ara-kor’s throat, as though bidding Kalenthil to look as well. Slowly and warily, Kalenthil turned his gaze in the direction that Ara-kor was looking in. The sight that greeted him chilled him to the very bone. Standing at the center of the battlefield were his warhost’s two Spellsingers, Aratha and Namle. Both were standing stock still as though in a trance, ethereal winds whipping around them. A sphere of blue light surrounded them, bathing the entire battlefield in an eerie blue-white glow, and bizarre magical lightning crackled around their slender forms. Kalenthil involuntarily shuddered at the sight. Whatever it was, it wasn’t the pure magic of the forest that was surrounding the Spellsingers.

He was about to rush over to them, to demand to know what they were doing, when they both suddenly turned around and opened their eyes. Kalenthil’s heart nearly stopped at the sight that greeted him: both of them were staring at him with glowing blue eyes, and both were suddenly surrounded in innatural witch-flame. But most eerily of all was the fact that they were both smiling at him. Whatever they were, he realized, they were Namle and Aratha no longer.

Ara-kor let out a more hostile growl at the sight. He knew this....memories came unbidden back to the fore. Memories of blood and fire, of unbound destruction. But above all, he remembered this light...

That was when all hell broke loose.

The intense sphere of light surrounding the two Elven maidens suddenly exploded outwards, the two Spellsingers being vaporized in an instant. Dozens of combatants on both sides died in seconds as the shrieking backlash struck them, instantly reducing them to their constituent atoms. Many dozens more were hurled off of their feet by the backlash, and cries of confusion could be heard everywhere under the roar of the magical explosion.

A roar that, a few seconds later, amplified. Where there had once been a sphere, there was now a swirling vortex of multihued power. Strong magical winds whipped outwards, tearing trees from their roots and warriors from their feet. Elves and Lizardmen alike screamed as they were wrenched from their feet and sucked towards the whirling portal—which, Ara-kor noticed as he grabbed onto a nearby oak for support, was expanding wider and wider. Those sucked into the portal disappeared from view, their cries lost as they disappeared into the translucent maw. Nearby, Kalenthil was doing the same as Ara-kor, grabbing onto a nearby tree for dear life. He cried out as he saw Nytha sucked into the portal, disappearing along with the host’s banner.

For the first time in millennia, Ara-kor knew despair. His warriors were being sucked into that thing and dying in droves, and he could do nothing. This was it, he realized. This was the end. He felt a deep, bitter twinge of regret in his gut as he knew that he had failed: all chances of reviving Lord Xlantec would now be lost. Ux-Mal’s chances for salvation had just been destroyed.

Ara-kor’s roared of despairing rage could barely be heard above the roar of the maelstrom.

And then, at the centre of it all, he saw Tlacepotl begin to walk calmly towards the eye of the storm. A brilliant white light surrounded his frail frame, and his eyes blazed with barely-contained power. Silently, he held up his pouch, and let the shards of the Eye spill out into the air....

There was an intense flash, like a new sun being born, that could be seen for miles. When it finally cleared, nothing remained—the clearing became a perfect circle of charred, dead earth. Of the Lizardmen and the Elves, there was no sign.


In the manifold laybrinthe of the Warp, something watched....and smiled.

To be continued...

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-09-2008, 17:54

Now that my Lizards are halfway through their epic quest, I thought I would stop to analyze my performance and that of my army so far. First, some unit evaluations:

OLDBLOOD- The Jaguar-Charmed Oldblood has had mixed success in all of my battles. Sometimes he has utterly rocked, and other times (usually due to my own blundering), he’s died horribly and netted my opponent a bucketload of points. All in all, though, I’m satisfied with his performance, and I will continue using him, even though the enemy is usually prepared for him, or else he simply becomes a big mobile target. Right now, I’m toying with the idea of using him on foot, and/or giving him some different weapon combos...the Scimitar of the Sun Resplendant and Maiming Shield come to mind. We shall see.

SCAR-VETERAN BATTLE STANDARD BEARER- Initially, I only used the BSB so that I could take Huanchi’s Blessed Totem. In this way, I figured, I would be able to compensate for the slowness of my Saurus blocks by getting off a magical charge or two. However, in all of the games in which I used the Huanchi Totem, I have always, without fail, managed to roll a “1” for magical movement. As you can imagine, I skipped using the BSB at around the same time I skipped using 2+ Saurus blocks...and coincidentially, started using him again once I started using Saurus again.

And you know what? HE’S WORTH IS WEIGHT IN GOLD. Ever since I’ve started using the BSB again, his rerolls have proven invaluable for keeping my Saurus in the fight (not to mention adding some Always-Strike-First hittiness to my units). I am definitely keeping this character in my lists in future, especially where Saurus are concerned. One day I might put him on a Cold One for some potential Huanchi Totem experimentation (or just for the added armour save).

SKINK PRIESTS- Throughout all of my games, my Skink Priests’ performances have always been mediocre: more often than not, they’ll fail to get any spells off. Which is fine for me, as I usually take them just for their dispelling power. Some of the times they have been able to get spells off though, however, have usually paid off. I think I will keep them as they are, though as with my other characters, I might try different items in the future (the Diadem of Power or Dragonfly of Quicksilver come to mind).

SKINK CHIEF- The “Flying, Scouting Skink of Doom” is a surprisingly difficult combo to get the most out of, primarily due to his fragility and low leadership. In fact, I can’t think of a battle since his original outing where he did any good. For now, I’ll keep using him, but if I still don’t get any results, I might trade him for a third Skink Priest.

SAURUS WARRIORS- Initially, I ditched them, in part because they are incredibly slow, and in part because I wanted to try skirmishy lists for a change. After playing skirmishy lists for a while, I went back to the Saurus, and I quickly regained my appreciation. Yes, the Saurus are slow, and often mediocre in combat, but they are also extremely resilient. Ever since I started using them again, the Saurus have been proving to be an extremely good anvil unit (provided they don’t wind up fighting dedicated close combat specialists like Swordmasters or Chosen Knights). When the BSB is nearby, furthermore, their staying power goes up exponentially, especially when they have the Spawning of Quetzl to boot. The Saurus will definitely be forming the core of my army from now on.

KROXIGOR- My Krox’s performance has been somewhat mediocre: sometimes they’ve done really well, and other times they’ve whiffed and died. I really need to use them in coordination with other units more often. One day I might try using a unit of 4, just to see how well they do.

TERRADONS: Euuugh. My poor Terries keep dying, though that’s mainly because I keep misusing them. Other people are usually careful with their Terradons, but me...I keep throwing them into situations where they will be slaughtered. The Terradons will definitely take some more practise to get the most out of.

SALAMANDERS: My favourite unit! My Salamanders always manage to make an impact somehow with their burninating abilities, and I look forward to continue using them.

STEGADON- My second favourite unit! Mr. Steg has been invaluable in my 2k+ lists, what with his impact hits, lots of wounds and Terror, and I’m not ditching him either. (Though I AM toying with the idea of putting a Skink Chief on him...)


SKIRMISHY- I’ve found that skirmish Lizardmen are pretty hard to get the most out of. Everything demands perfect coordination, and being able to gauge charge distances, lines of retreat/advance and use of mobility to a much greater degree than with a block infantry force. Quite often, my army has fallen apart due to me not coordinating properly, or due to my low LD causing mass panic. This list, I find, will take more getting used to, in spite of my past practise. I’ll also probably need to bite the bullet and seek more advice on how to use this list effectively (ie so it doesn’t fall apart like a house of cards)

SACRED HOST/SAURUS BLOCKS- HAIL QUETZL! If the Skirmishy List is fast but fragile, then the Quetzl list is slow but dead’ard. Ever since I started using the Sacred Host list, I’ve been doing better. The way I see it, 3+ save Saurus may very well be the way to go in the future. I just hope they don’t remove the Sacred Hosts when they do the new Lizardmen book.....(Glares at GW)


DAEMONS- I still need more practise against them. I’ve been learning a few of their tricks by reading their army book, and I am now less of the opinion that they’re broken: yes, they have a crapload of advantages, but they’re also expensive, and, I must admit, they look like a very fun army to play. I still need to hone my skills against them, though. At the very least, I know that against them, Blade of Realities= a must-have.

HIGH ELVES, DARK ELVES AND WOOD ELVES- Aka my favourite squishy opponents! The Elves are potent, I will admit, but their high cost and low resilience means that when I hurt them, I will hurt them pretty badly. So far, the foe I’ve played the most against are the Wood Elves. I’ve determined that the trick against them is to go after their Immune to Psych units (ie Dryads, Wardancer, Wild Riders) with something nice and killy. That, and to use the Burning Blade. I have yet to face the new Dark Elves though...visions of having 7-attack Assassins pop out of units has been making me apprehensive about doing so.

DWARVES- Tough, but slow as hell and easy to outmanouvre. In my games against them, I’ve learned to hit their more vulnerable units first (ie missile troops and artillery) and then concentrate on their big infantry blocks. Against an army as slow as them, this isn’t that difficult. I just hope I never face the Anvil of Skink-Hating Doom...

VAMPIRE COUNTS- Vampires have always been my most dreaded opponent, even before their latest rulebook was released. With their new book, I have a lot of new nasty tricks to adapt to, but I’m sure that sooner or later I’ll improve a lot more against them. Well...hopefully, that is.


OVERALL: I really need to learn coordination and estimating charge distances better. Plus, I still do make boneheaded mistakes a lot, so I need to learn to be patient and to gauge a situation before I throw stuff into the meat grinder. That said, I think I can safely say I’ve gotten a little better since I started the Chronicles.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading the Chronicles so far. I really value both your input and your enjoyment. No worries...the Chronicles are far from over. I still have to get the next five Shards after all...

Next: Welcome to Naggaroth!

06-09-2008, 19:22
Amazing Battle LoNC :eek:

The Vampire are truly a formidable foe,
Quetzel would be honored that they where slain in his name.

Now all that remains of our once proud host is reduced to a scorched glade...
my the Old Ones aid them in this diaster...

06-09-2008, 20:33
Amazing reports, great fluff and just the right amount of humour. Thank you for writing all of this, I have greatly enjoyed reading it!

07-09-2008, 00:05
Hail Quetzl!

07-09-2008, 10:30
Excellent report, a victory over a worthy foe.

07-09-2008, 11:56
Another good read sir and a great sum up of your battles so far..

In the future for some ***** and giggles, try using a cold one saurus unit with a Huanchi BsB in the unit, can be devastating! Especially against armies with no shooting.

Also try using a skink chief on a steg in the same unit, I once took out 40 TK skele warriors with that combo in one turn.... Lots of fun!

08-09-2008, 00:06
That mid-way summary was a great read, and glad to see you found a way to edge out the vampires even though it was a close battle.

Can't wait for the next five shards.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
08-09-2008, 00:58
Thanks for the feedback, everyone! I appreciate it!

@FatOlaf: Yeah, I've been pondering getting myself some Cold One Riders. On the one hand, it would be hard to explain that fluffwise, since my army is dedicated to Quetzl (and Cold Ones are most decidedly a Huanchi unit). Plus, I keep hearing a lot of Lizardmen players giving Cold One Riders a lot of flack for being too slow, expensive and fragile. Still, I do like the models, so I might just try them out.

As for the Stegachief...40 Skeletons in one turn? :eek: That must have been some ridiculously good rolling on your part. That's it, I'm going to use the combo now.

@Wizuriel: Sorry for not replying to this post earlier.:( Yes, I actually am a Tor resident, and I do often play at the Lawrence Battle Bunker. Reading your reports, I see you played the same High Elf player. It seems he did better against you than he did against me.:evilgrin:

Funny I never ran into you, but then I never frequented on Tuesdays often enough. Maybe we'll run into one another when university abates for me-- then we might have the first instance on Warseer when two batrep chronicles collided. :chrome:

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
21-09-2008, 17:09
Battle 16: Welcome to Naggaroth


It has been four days since the incident in the forest occurred. I only record this now because it is only now that I have found my reed-notes buried deep in the snow of this bleak land. It is cold and frozen here, and already, many of my fellow Skinks have died from the cold. I pray that Quetzl shall deliver us from this wasteland.

I remain uncertain as to what exactly happened back in the forest, as my memories of the incident are muddled and hazy. I remember that the Wood Elves attacked us after we had vanquished the Undead, and that in the midst of that battle, some sort of powerful spell was invoked by their mages. Going by my memory, I am uncertain as to what manner of spell that could possibly have been, and this disturbs me immensely. Whatever the Wood Elves used against us was not something that the texts back in Ux-Mal ever mentioned, and somehow I do not think that it was a spell that the Wood Elves commonly use.

I have no memory of what happened afterwards, but I awoke in this freezing land. I very nearly froze to death before I found a cave, and used the Winds of Magic to generate a fire to keep myself warm.I found that the shards I had in my possession, and feared the worst—that somehow, the Wood Elves had not only transported me to this place, but had taken the shards as well.

After two days, I was found by my fellow Skinks, and they brought me back to the area where the warhost was taking shelter. It was there that found Ara-kor, who told me everything that had happened in the clearing. According to Ara-kor, the moment the Wood Elves had unleashed their spell, it opened an immense vortex that began to destroy everything in the area and kill Lizardman and Elf alike. In the midst of it all, just when both sides were about to perish, I apparently walked towards the vortex, with my eyes aglow, and raised the shard before it. And then there was light, and the next thing everyone knew, they were scattered in this bleak land.

As fantastical as this story is, it would nonetheless explain my memory loss. Could this have been the work of a Xlanax? If so, does that mean I was temporarily possessed? Ara-kor, while he does not openly admit it, seems to suspect as much, as he has been acting warily around me ever since we have met up. Apparently, just before the Wood Elves attacked, I acted strangely and told him that “only when scattered can the scattered be found,” and to “beware the Shifting One.” Again, I have no memory of saying such a thing, and now I fear that something else was speaking through me.

Although I have no idea what the “Shifting One” is supposed to be, the first part of the message does seem to be appropriate. When the warhost arrived here, they were scattered, and it is only now that they have managed to link up again. A good portion of the warhost—the one commanded by Kaxaan—is still missing, though, Quetzl be praised, Ara-kor has managed to find three of the Shards buried in the snow. I thank the Old Ones for this, though I find it curious that he has managed to find them without my magical senses. Perhaps this is another manifestation of his blessing, some sort of intuitive link to the shards.

I have since managed to gain a geometric pinpoint on our location. We are on the northwest continent, about five hundred thousand miles from our original position, a fact that can be seen as a testament to the power of whatever spell scattered us. As of yet, I am still trying to discern if there are any fully-functional gateways remaining in this region, for the Old Ones, for all of their wisdom, did not create us to withstand cold weather. I am certain that, come what may, the other shards and our missing kin are elsewhere, and we must link up with them once again. And we must hurry, for if it was indeed a Xlanax that did all of this, then our quest has already become compromised...

Besides which, it appears that, in the years since theVeiling, the northwest continent has become inhabited. A host of Dark Elves now advances on us, and at their head rides one who is irrevocably tainted by the presence of a Xlanax...

About a month ago (yeah, long time for some games to be played and some reports to be written), I faced off against the new Dark Elves for the first time at my local game store. Now, going into the battle, I figured that I would probably do well, since the old Dark Elves had always been a favoured opponent of mine (even though I always seem to score only a draw against them). I had already heard a lot of nasty things about the new book—about how good Assassins and Black Guard were now, and how much more powerful Sorceresses had become. I decided to reserve my judgement, however, until I played a game against them firsthand.

Our lists were as follows:

The Warhost of Ux-Mal


Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, shield, Glyph Necklace, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Quetzl, Tepok and Tlazcotl- 263
Tezla-Kar (Scar-Veteran)- BSB, Sword of the Hornet, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl and Tepok- 178
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls, Spawning of Quetzl- 155
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
10 Skinks- blowpipes, Spawning of Quetzl - 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts, Spawning of Quetzl- 75
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Hunting Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235


My usual 2000-point Sacred Host list. Hopefully, it would be a little too dead ‘ard for the Elves to handle.

The Dark Elf list was as follows...

The Hag Graef Welcoming Committee

Malus Darkblade
Death Hag- Cauldron of Blood
10 Repeater Crossbowmen
10 Repeater Crossbowmen
5 Harpies
5 Harpies
5 Harpies
5 Dark Riders- spears, repeater crossbows
15 Black Guard- full command, Banner of Hag Graef
10-12 Witch Elves*- full command, Banner of Murder
5 Shades- repeater crossbows, great weapons
5 Cold One Knights- full command, War Banner, Ring of Hotek
War Hydra

*Yes, I forgot the exact number.

What? No Sorceresses? No Repeater Bolt Throwers? Black Guard? Malus Darkblade? A Hydra? A CAULDRON OF BLOOD? I was already seeing an example of how different the new Dark Elves were as far as army builds went, and I had to admit, the change was pretty interesting.


Looked something like this:


For spells, Tlacepotl rolled Dark Hand of Death and Steal Soul. The Dark Elves, bereft as they were of sorceresses, rolled nothing.


The Dark Elves won the first turn (boo, hiss, chirp) and wasted no time in beginning their dark, evil advance. With darkness and evilness, the Black Guard and Witch Elves advanced down the centre in a suitably dark and evil fashion, with the Cauldron of Blood being pushed darkly and evilly behind them, while on the right flank, Malus Darkblade and Evilblade...

(LoNC slaps self repeatedly).

Sorry. Malus and his Knights advanced down the right flank, and the Hydra advanced down the left towards my poor, innocent Salamanders (who, thankfully, were still hidden behind a hill. The Shades edged up from the bit of woodland they were sheltering behind, and the Dark Riders zoomed down so that they were parked right in front of my understandably startled Scouts. Finally, the three units of Harpies split up, with two of them zooming along the right flank next to the Hydra and behind the riders, and the third unit hovering behind the Black Guard and Witch Elf advance.

With no mages in their army, the Dark Elves had none of their famed black magic, although this suited them just fine. After all, it’s bad enough when your general is some daemon-possessed lunatic, but having some attractive-yet-creepy woman randomly stabbing your mates and using their souls as ammunition definitely was NOT mentioned on the recruitment poster.

In the shooting phase, my opponent revealed that Dark Elf crossbows were now armour piercing (as if they weren’t nasty enough before). It was unfortunate, though, that the Druchii’s accuracy hadn’t improved that much. The Dark Riders opened up on my Scouts, but managed to porcupine one of them. The 1st Crossbowmen (or should I call them Crossbowpeople? I mean, there’s both male and female Elves in those regiments) opened up on my blowpipe screen and killed only two, while the second Crossbow unit joined in as well and failed to kill absolutely anything. Finally, the Shades opened up on Mr. Stegadon, but didn’t so much as elicit a blink from the big guy. And with that, the Elven turn was over.

In my turn, the Skinks shuffled to the right to go shoot up the 2nd Crossbows or lure in the Cold One Knights. Ara-kor broke off from his Saurus and zoomed up as well, ending just within 11” of the 2nd Crossbows and in a ready position to charge either them or the Cold One Knights next turn. To seal the deal, both the Stegadon and Krox advanced up behind the javelins (ignoring those dumb little Shades) in preparation to counter-charge Mr. Darkblade’s entourage once my baiting javelins fled. In the centre, meanwhile, the blowpipe Skinks zoomed up and started to flash, moon and mock the Witch Elves to the best of their ability. Behind them, the two Saurus units advanced cautiously, getting ready to counter-charge the Witch Elves when they inevitably overran towards them.

The Sallies, seeing the big Hydra moving in their direction, shuffled to the right next to the Saurus and getting well into burninating range. My Scouts jumped out from behind their big rock to introduce the Dark Riders to javelinny death, and finally...in what can only be called a complete and utter brain fart on my part, I zoomed my Terradons up and dropped them next to the Hydra, leaving them in full view of two hungry Harpie units. I really, really don’t know why on earth I did this, but since it’s convenient, I’ll blame Canada.

(Tries to remember which country he lives in) Oh wait...

With Tlacepotl moving out of the Saurus (and keeping well behind the Skink screen so that those mean Crossbows wouldn’t get him), I moved to the magic phase. Or, rather, the flunking phase, as I cast absolutely nothing (as usual). Moving on to shooting, the Salamanders unleashed their burning spittle on the Witch Elves. However, although I got a good number of hits in, the Witch Elves had a ward save because of their Mobile Backyward Swimming Pool of Blood, and only three of them died.

Wait a minute...non-fragile Elves....whaaaa? What is this world coming to?

With the rest of my shooting, my Scouts shouted “draw, varmints!” and javelined down...one Dark Rider. Crap. Elsewhere, my Terradons, unsure of what they were supposed to be doing, threw their javelins at the Harpies and plinked off one. Finally, my Stegadon fired his giant bow at the Cold One Knights, and predictably missed.

Hmm, that turn could have gone better....


The Dark Elves, however, proved that they were still very amiable chaps, as they obligingly fell for all of my Skink traps. (Hey, that rhymes!) Malus and his supposedly not-so-stupid Knights charged my javelins, who fled and escaped, going well past my Stegadon, and the Witch Elves frenzy-charged my blowpipers (though being the idiot that I am, I had left them in 4” of them, and so could not stand and shoot). Elsewhere, the Dark Riders charged my Scouts, who held (come on, 4+ save Skinks!), and two units of Harpies combo-charged my Terradons (come on...um...6+ save Terradons!)

Elsewhere, the Black Guard, much to my surprise, turned rightwards to face my now-fleeing javelins (very curious, I must say, given how nasty they would be against my Saurus), the unengaged Harpies continued to hover behind the Witch Elves, and the Hydra moved up to the hill, ready to scale it next turn and face the flank of my whole army. Whoo boy. With nothing in my army that could negate regeneration, I knew that I had absolutely nothing that could seriously hurt the Hydra. I had to find some way of stalling it...

In the shooting phase, the 1st CrossbowElves targeted my Salamander Packs, killing two handlers and wounding a Sallie. The other unit, meanwhile, targeted Ara-kor. To my dismay, one bolt rolled a 6 to wound and proceeded to get through both his armour and ward save, scoring a wound on him. As an encore, the Shades opened up again and scored a wound on my Steg! Wow, those armour-piercing crossbows are getting really annoying...

In close combat, my 4+ saves didn’t quite work as well as I had imagined, as the Dark Riders killed an impressive five Skinks (mostly thanks to hatred) and ran the rest of them down. The two units of Harpies, meanwhile, tore down two Terradons for one loss, and sent the last one fleeing off the board. And finally, the Witch Elves absolutely annihilated my blowpipers in a storm of biting, slashing and foul language, and overran towards my two waiting Saurus units.

All in all, that turn had hurt, but retribution was close at hand. In my turn, I launched my counter-charges: my leftmost Saurus charged the Witch Elves in the front, while Tezla-Kar’s unit hit them in the flank (although thanks to unit sizes and my bad positioning, Tezlar-Kar didn’t get into base contact with them.) Elsewhere, because the javelins had oh-so-courteously fled past him, the Stegadon charged Mr. Darkblade and his nice coterie of gentlemen. This left me with a dilemma as to what to do with Ara-kor, though: on the one hand, I could join the Steg and flank-charge the Cold One Knights, but on the other hand, he could also charge the Crossbowmen, run them down, and get a charge on that annoying Cauldron later in the game. In the end, though, I decided that Malus and his Knights were worth too many points to ignore, and Ara-kor flank-charged the Knights.

Elsewhere, my javelins rallied, and the Sallies, still keeping cover behind the hill from that mean Hydra, move leftwards to get into burninating range of the Dark Riders. My Kroxigor, though...well, let’s just say I was an idiot and forgot to move them. Yes, that excuse will do quite nicely, I think.

After Tlacepotl moved to join the sole remaining Skink unit, I started the magic phase. The DE player had already told me that someone in his army had the Ring of Hotek, and told me what it did. I figured that it was probably on the Black Guard champion, and so, moving Tlacepotl as far away from the Black Guard as possible, he targeted the nearby Harpies with a Dark Hand of Death...

...and discovered that the Ring was, in fact, on the Cold One Champion. The spell miscast, though thankfully, all that happened was the magic phase coming to an end. Wow...that Ring is just evil. In the shooting phase, my Sallies more than made up for Tlacepotl’s failure by burninating all of the Dark Riders in one fell swoop. MWAHAHAHAHAAA, VENGEANCE!

Finally, we went ahead to the part I was waiting for: the Elf-squishing phase! Gleefully, I rolled the impact hits for my Stegadon...

...and got a one. The two hits I got proceeded to bounce right off of the Cold Ones, as did the attacks from the Skink riders and the beast itself. Ara-kor at least managed to squash two of the Druchii, but even so, my grand, combined attack on the Cold One Knights had more or less fluffed. As I crouched near the table edge moaning ”But whyyyyyyyyyyy?,| the Dark Elves struck back. First, Malus vented out his hatred on the Skink handlers and killed 3 of them with his Dan Abnett-approved Sword of Killiness(TM). Then the rest of the unit joined in on the attack and, in a gross display of inability to roll armour saves on my part, the poor Skink crew quickly became Cold One food (the Steg was so shocked by this that he immediately failed his monster reaction test and became Stupid for the rest of the battle). After tallying up the points, both my Steg and Oldblood had lost by 4. But...they would hold, right? Right?

Two failed leadership tests later, Ara-kor broke and ran like a screaming little girl...and ended up running right into the Crossbows, netting the DE player a whole crapload of points. The Steg also ran, barely escaping the Cold One Knights. Unfortunately, he ran right through the Kroxigor and crushed one of them in his flight. This caused my Krox to panic, turn and flee through the javelins and Tlacepotl...who ALSO fled. So, in total, after one bad round of combat, the entire right flank of my army was suddenly fleeing. Both my opponent and I couldn’t help but laugh at this sad state of affairs.

(Note: After the battle, another Lizardmen player corrected me that Stegadon’s technically AREN’T chariots, and so don’t cause impact hits on their own side when fleeing. So, gentle readers, I had just killed off a Kroxigor for nothing. Go me!)

In the other big combat, though, my Saurus proceeded to thrash the Witch Elves soundly. And by “thrash them soundly,” I mean have most of their hits bounce off of that ever-so-annoying ward save of theirs. Four Witch Elves died, but they gutted two of the leftmost Saurus in return. Even so, with my ranks, flank and outnumbering in addition to kills, I was sure to break those Witches. Well, that is, until I discovered that Khainite units within a certain distance of the Cauldron of Blood are stubborn, and the Witch Elves were most definitely Khainite (well, one at the back looked vaguely Sigmarite, but lets not get into that). The end result was like a bizarre remake of 300, with a small band of half-naked warmbloods holding out against an endless tide of opponents, despite all odds.

To which, of course, I could only shake my head and mutter “This is madness.”


With my General dead and half of my stuff fleeing, I had just made the Druchii’s job a helluva lot easier. Sneering at his latest triumph (and sneering is something that Dark Elves are especially good at), Malus and his last three Knights advanced leftwards to face the rear of my BSB’s Saurus. Ohhh....crap. The Harpies flew around in random directions, with one unit zooming past the central combat to land behind my fleeing Skinks and Priest. The Black Guard turned around to face the main combat, and the Hydra turned to face the Salamanders once again, ignoring my Saurus. (Phew!) The Shades advanced out of cover to harass my fleeing stuff, and the Cauldron moved down a bit more to get more units in range of its special powers. (I never thought I’d say this, but whoever decided to put wheels on a big tub of blood was an absolute genius).

In the shooting phase, the CrossbowElves combined their fire to kill....one of the fleeing Skinks. The Hydra, meanwhile, doused the Salamanders with smelly onion breath, wounding a Sallies and killing two more handlers. Finally, the Shades opened up on the fleeing Kroxigor and did a massive single wound to them. Wow, they do not need Repeater Bolt Throwers in this army list. Not at all.

In close combat, the Cauldron blessed the Witches with +1 attack (eek!). In the ensuing bloodfest, two of the hot Elf chicks fell to my super-fast BSB, but they retaliated with a collective scream of “This is Naggaroth!,” killing three of my non-BSB Saurus. The Saurus all struck back, but only killed one more Elf chick, leaving two to hold their own against the scaly tide assaulting them.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
21-09-2008, 17:10
In my turn, I moved the Salamanders back up to target Malus and his buddies. I managed to rally pretty much everything, which was a huge plus, but there was really not that much else I could do. As an aside, that Hydra was really, really worrying me...

In the magic phase, I tried casting Steal Soul on Malus, only to get another miscast from that thrice-cursed, hell-damned, horrendously evil and just plain mean Ring of Hilton...I mean, Hotek. Thankfully, he once again got off light and ended the magic phase early. In the shooting phase, though, the Salamanders proceeded to burninate the last three Cold One Knights and wound Malus. Score!

In close combat, it was clearly over for the brave Witch Elves. In a highly cinematic, CGI-laden last stand, the last two Witch Elves...ahem... heroically got hacked to pieces by Tezla-Kar. Good riddance to them, I say.

”A new age is coming! An age of bloodshed and slavery! And all will know that ten-or-twelve Brides of Khaine gave their LAST! BREATH! To- AAAAAAAAAUGH!”

-last words of Leonidilith, Witch Elf of Khaine.


Although the Witches were now dead (A certain song from The Wizard of Oz comes to mind), the Druchii had quite a bit of charging to do. The Shades charged the Kroxigor, and the Black Guard rear-charged my BSB’s Saurus, who fled and got away. Not to be denied, the Black Guard redirected into my other Saurus. With only 10 of them left, I didn’t fancy their chances of winning against 15 rerolling, ASFing, fear-causing, potentially Cauldron-imbibing Black Guard, and naturally, I fled and got away. My Saurus ended up at the base of the hill, right in front of the Hydra but juuuuuuust out of its charge arc. Whew.

The Harpies zoomed around a big more, obviously content just to taunt my poor Lizards. Malus, with his own potential charge-targets running away, settled for moving up ever-so slightly (Spite must have hurt his toe or something, the poor thing). And, as usual, the Cauldron of Blood manoeuvred about so that it was behind the Black Guard. Worryingly, though, the War Hydra about-faced to face the flank of my fleeing BSB’s Saurus.

And then the shooting phase from hell commenced. The Hydra breathed its stinky onion breath on my BSB’s Saurus and suffocated 3 of them, before the nearby 1st Crossbows opened fire at close range and plinked off another two. Suddenly, I was down to 10 very concerned-looking Saurus. The other Crossbows fired on my Stegadon, but couldn’t hurt the mighty (but stupid) beast.

In close combat, the Cauldron of Blood gave the Shades +1 attack. Combined with their great weapons and hatred, the Shades proceeded to kill both of my remaining Kroxigor in the blink of an eye and overrun off the board. 2....2 Kroxigor...killed by 5 Shades...Shades, of all things....I...think I need to lie down...

With my army rapidly falling apart, I nonetheless managed to rally both of my Saurus. My BSB’s Saurus, sadly, found themselves sandwiched between the Hydra and the 1st Crossbows. Undaunted, I turned them to face the Hydra, hoping I could send the thing running with my stacked banners and rank. My Skinks edged up towards a nearby unit of Harpies, and the Stegadon....failed its stupidity test and could do nothing.

In the magic phase, however, Tlacepotl was very, very happy that the Ring of Hotek was no more. He celebrated by casting Steal Soul on Malus, who could only give a startled yelp before his soul was wrenched from its mortal frame. Let this be a lesson to you all: if you do bad things, and/or have a Black Library series named after you, then TLACEPOTL WILL EAT YOUR SOOOOOOUUUULLLLL! (Ahem)

In the shooting phase, the Salamanders opened up on the Black Guard, but rolled badly and killed only three. The javelin Skinks, meanwhile, after separating from Tlacepotl, hurled their javelins at the nearby Harpies and plinked off two. Squawking in alarm, the Harpies flew for the board edge from those scary, scary Skinks.


Seeing a golden (or black, depending on relative colour values) opportunity, the Dark Elf player charged his Hydra into my BSB unit’s front and his Repeater Crossbows into their rear, leaving me no choice but to hold. The Black Guard, meanwhile, zoomed down and ended their move right in front of my other rallied Saurus, daring them to charge. Other than that, the Cauldron and Harpies flitted about as usual, the Shades returned from their off-board coffee break, and the fleeing Harpies fled off the board.

In the shooting phase, the Shades and the unengaged Crossbows combined fire to kill 5 of my javelin Skinks, though they did not panic. With no other shooting, the DE player went straight to combat. Thanks to his Sword of the Hornet, Tezla-Kar went first and coboinked the Hydra on one of its heads, inflicting a wound that it failed to regenerate. This simply made the hateful Hydra even hatier, and it tore three Saurus apart in return. The handlers (who, I discovered, have armour-piercing whips and half a million attacks for some reason) killed a fourth, and the Crossbows killed a fifth. In return, though, my Saurus squished a handler and a CrossbowElf, and thanks to Tezla-Kar, held their ground.

In my turn, I declared a charge with my now slightly-less-stupid Stegadon on the Cauldron...only to find that the big guy was just out of range. The Salamanders edged up to face the Black Guard, and my Saurus...did nothing. No matter how much taunting they received, they were not going to charge those nasty Black Guard.

With nothing happening in the magic phase (for some reason I thought it would be a brilliant idea to have Tlacepotl cast Steal Soul on the Hydra...even though I was obviously out of range), I went right to shooting. My Skinks plinked off a Shade, and the Salamanders opened up on the Black Guard....and proceeded to triple misfire! I muttered quite a few choice words about my opinions of Lady Luck as the remaining handlers were all eaten. Thankfully, my Sallies passed their monster reaction test.

In close combat, I was down to Tezla-Kar and five last Saurus fighting against enemies on both sides. Moving to the one spot in the rear, Tezlar-Kar hacked down three Crossbows before they could strike. The Hydra, no longer very hateful, killed only one Saurus, though the Crossbows managed to kill another. In return, the Saurus squished one back, and, tallying up the results, I had actually won combat by one! In an ideal world, both the Crossbows and the Hydra would have run screaming from the sheer badassery of my Saurus, and in a similarly ideal world, the ensuing pursuit would have nabbed me quite a few victory points back. Sadly, this is not an ideal world, and both the Hydra and the Crossbows passed their break tests.

Seeing as we both had to get going at this point, we tallied up the points and called it a game.


Dark Elves: 1137
Lizardmen: 1091


Thoughts: Well, that was close. I barely managed to get a draw by the skin of my teeth in that one, and a good thing too: if the game had gone on for another round, I’m sure I would have lost. The Black Guard were inevitably going to charge and rout my other Saurus unit, and it wouldn’t have been long before the DE player decided to allocate the Hydra’s attacks against Tezlar-Kar himself. Never mind, of course, that the recently returned Shades were eying my last Skinks at that point and saying something about leather boots...

I think the turning point in this game was most definitely my ill-fated charge on Malus and his mob. The Dark Elf player agreed that, at first, he thought those Knights were going to die, so the fact that they didn’t came as a pleasant surprise to him. If I had killed off those Knights earlier on, then that would have left Ara-kor and /or the Stegadon free to turn around and munch through the Dark Elf centre. Instead, thanks to Lady Lucky, I lost my general and wound up with half of my army fleeing. Still, I guess I should just be grateful that Malus never had a chance to go into Daemonic Psycho Mode...

All in all, for a first battle against the new Dark Elves, I guess I did alright, bad luck and odd tactical decisions notwithstanding. Quite a few of the new things caught me by surprise (especially the new powers of the Cauldron and the uberness of the Shades), so this game was a valuable learning experience for me. From this battle, I now know that I should be prepared to deal with Rings of Hotek, Cauldrons, and stabbier Elves. The Hydra and Black Guard especially are things I need to develop countermeasures for, as I was desperately avoiding these two units for the whole game. Looking back at this battle, I think I should have held the Terradons back until they were needed, and perhaps sent Ara-kor after the Cauldron rather than the Cold One Knights.

As an aside, I must comment that I think the new Dark Elves have turned out rather well. Speaking as a someone who often played against the Druchii, I think the Dark Elves and their style of play have definitely changed for the better. Against the old rulebook, I would often find myself facing armies of Dark Riders supported by Repeater Bolt Throwers and Dragons. With this book, though, more units have becoming worth taking, and the Dark Elves are now just as likely to run up and stab you as they are to shoot you down from a distance. I, for one, find the change absolutely refreshing.

MVP: The Salamanders take this for killing off both the Dark Riders and Cold One Knights, though Tezla-Kar also gets honours for keeping my Saurus fighting until the end of the game.

LVP: It’s a tie between the Terradons, Ara-kor and the Stegadon

Opponent’s MVP: The Cauldron definitely gets my vote in this game. Thanks to it, my Kroxigor were sliced to ribbons, and my Saurus were held up for two whole turns. The Black Guard and Hydra also get nods, though, if only because of the psychological impact they had on me in this game.

Next: Green vs Green!

22-09-2008, 13:30
Dear Mr. Tlacepotl, by right of the soul stealing act of 2041 (Slaanesh vs. Farmer Mueller) I charge you to return the soul of the Druchii called Malus Darkblade to its rightfull owner.
signed Tz'Arkan, Demon Prince

Congratulation on this entertaining read, I had to laugh loudly several times. Also congratulations on how you managed to fight back after the early loss of your general. Also kudos to your opponent for his fluffy and fun but also useful list.

25-09-2008, 18:15
:)Great thread...just enjoyed a top hour catching up on your scaly exploits.

Please stick that confused OldBlood in a unit for one game...LION

25-09-2008, 20:29
hahahaha, man that was hilarious! Toroughly enjoyed thank you!
I look forward to the promised green on green aswell :)

27-09-2008, 14:59
Very honestly, I extremely enjoy reading your batt reps, be it the adventures of the Order of the Blessed Damsel or the trials of the Warhost of Ux-Mal. They always inspire me to play my Lizzies more often than I should at the expense of my Dark Angels army. Thank you for your efforts and we surely hunger for more.

It's great that you managed to negotiate a draw with the now very scary Dark Elves. Sounds like you and your opponent had a fun time playing that game and I guess that is the essence of what a good game should be... great times for both parties. Kudus & syabas to the both of you for favouring enjoyable & fluffy lists and avoiding cheese fests. I just wish I had more players like you guys in my little club here where just about everyone looks to win games...

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-10-2008, 04:12
Battle 17: Green vs Green


After many long days in the bitter chill of the Northwest Continent, my scrying bore fruit, and we finally managed to find a functional Gateway. This could not have come at a better moment, as our numbers were beginning to dwindle due to the cold, and worse, the Elves of this land, hearing of our battle with the Xlanax-vessel known at Darkblade, were beginning to muster greater armies to crush us. In regards to Darkblade himself, I remain unsure of what happened: in the aftermath of that battle, his soul-essence somehow escaped from me. I suspect the Xlanax inhabiting his body dragged his life essence back somehow, though for what purpose, I dare not imagine.

Nonetheless, we managed to make our way through the Gateway and close it behind us to ensure that the Elves would never be able to make use of it. We arrived in a sparse hill country, with little growing in our immediate vicinity. After much difficult geocentric scrying, I determined that we had arrived in a region on the peninsula just above the Southern Central Continent, an area that, to my knowledge, had never been heavily populated by the Old Ones’ designs except for a few distant Dwarf holds. After a few hours of scrying, I determined that out predestined direction was eastward, towards the mountains. There, we might find either another of the shards or Kaxaan, Ixcotl and the rest of our missing kin.

We had only just set off, however, when we heard shouts and saw banners up ahead. The threat quickly resolved itself to be a host of barbaric Greenskins—creatures that had never had a place in the Old Ones’ plans. Knowing that these creatures stood between us and our mission, we prepared for battle…

My latest game with my Lizardmen was fought against Orcs and Goblins—an army that I had minimal experience facing off against except for my first games with Lizardmen (and those were against the now-defunct Grimgore’s Ardboyz list, so I doubt that would count). My opponent was none other than Der Kaiser of The Warhammer Forum ( http://warhammer.org.uk/PhP/index.php), who had challenged my to a 1500 point game. Seeing as I still needed some experience against Orcs and Goblins, I agreed, and Der Gauntlet was picked up…

For my list, I decided to change a few things:


Scar-Leader Ara-kor- great weapon, light armour, shield, Aura of Quetzl, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Quetzl and Tepok- 178
Tezla-Kar (Scar-Veteran)- BSB, Sword of the Hornet, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl and Tepok- 178
16 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 252
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl, Scouts- 75
3 Kroxigor- 174
4 Terradons- 140
3 Salamander Packs- 195

Total: 1497

As a change from my last 1500-point list, I traded Tlacepotl for Tezla-Kar, and to add dispelling power, traded Ara-kor’s Sotek Spawning for a Tepok one. Although I had zero spellcasting ability for this battle, I had more dispel dice, increased close combat power and crucial rerolls for my Saurus. Hopefully, Kaiser’s Orcs and Gobbos would find this list to be a tough cookie to chew on.

Der Kaiser’s list was as follows:


Black Orc Big Boss- boar, Martog’s Best Basha, heavy armour, Enchanted Shield, Collar of Zorga
Black Orc Big Boss- BSB, heavy armour, Mork’s Spirit Totem
Night Goblin Shaman- level 2, Nibbla’s Itty Ring, 3 Magic Mushrooms
27 Orc Boyz- light armour, shield, full command
14 Orc Boyz- extra choppas, light armour, full command
21 Night Goblins- short bows, 2 Fanatics
5 Wolf Riders- musician
5 Spider Riders- musician
5 Savage Orc Boar Boy Big’ Uns- musician
10 Squig Hoppers
2 Spear Chukkas
Doom Diver

As you can see, quite a few of Kaiser’s magic items—notably the Collar of Zorga and the Spirit Totem—were pretty much wasted against my list. Other than that, though, this looked like a nice solid list, with a good mix of hitty combat troops and firepower. Plus, being an Orc and Goblin army, it had me outnumbered quite nicely. This battle wouldn’t be an easy one.


Looked something like this.


Note that, mostly due to my own crappy inability to draw, this list isn’t a hundred percent accurate. Though it doesn’t look like it on this map, Kaiser’s Spear Chukkas actually weren’t blocked enough that they had good line of sight to most of my army.

For spells, Kaiser’s Shaman rolled Foot of Gork and Gaze of Mork. With Tlacepotl sitting this battle out, I rolled absolutely nothing.


My plan was my usual plan of killing his peripheral stuff with my peripheral stuff, letting his big infantry blocks bash themselves against my Saurus, and then hit him with a load of counter-charges. Sounds simple on paper, at least…


I won the first turn (Aha! My loaded dice worked!) and I began my advance. My Skink screen put on their headbands and went off on their kamikaze mission, running up right in front of the Savage Boar Boyz and taunting them mercilessly. The Kroxigor and two Saurus units advanced behind them more cautiously, being carefully to stay out of the Boars’ full charge distance. To their right, the Scouts held their position, but Ara-kor quickly ran up to join them. On the right flank, meanwhile, the Salamanders moved into the woods to take cover from all that nasty Greenskin artillery, while the Terradons flew up, ready to charge the Night Gobbos next turn. Hmm...I knew that there was something I had to watch out for with the Night Goblins...but what was it again? F...flamberges? Fine art? Floral-pattern robes? Fandagos? Something beginning with an F, but what exactly? Oh well, it probably wasn’t important.

With no magic and no shooting, the turn went to Der Kaiser. I crossed my fingers as I waited for the Boar Boyz’ frenzied charge...until Kaiser rolled animosity for them and got a “1.” My Skinks collectively facepanned (or was that me?) as the Boar Boyz, instead of charging them, started to argue amongst each other over the societal ideas of Hobbes versus those of Rousseau. (Saved by their own animosity...oh, the irony...) As the Savages debated, the slightly crazed Squig Riders zoomed forward with a “Waaaaagh!” (Or is the Goblin version a “Wheeeeee”?), and everything else advanced forward. The Spider Riders and Wolf Riders zoomed down their respective flanks, with the Wolf Riders circling around to bring their bows to bear against my Terradons, and the Spider Riders running to the edge of the woods and ending up in line of sight and charge range of my Scouts in the wood. Speaking of whom, the Squig Riders were in the mood for a snack, and bounced down to the wood, and ending up exactly one inch away from Ara-kor and the Scouts...something that caused Der Kaiser to curse their random movement. The two Orc blocks stomped forwards, and, to my surprise, so did the Night Gobbo Archers and their cackling shaman, who was saying something about “Fantastics” or some nonsense like that.

As it turned out, their march left them exactly in eight inches of my Terradons, and two ball and chain-wielding loonies spun out. Two Terradons squawked as they were squashed mercilessly, but thankfully, they passed their ensuing panic test. Oh joy, they’d now have to weather the storm of fire that would come their way now...

Cackling madly, the Gobbo Shaman started the magic phase by casting Foot of Gork on my Kroxigor. I threw all four of my dice into stopping it, but Tepok’s attention must have been elsewhere, and the dispel failed. A giant green foot descended from the heavens, a-la Monty Pyton, and squished one Kroxigor while wounding another with a giant unwashed toenail. The Shaman then tried casting Gaze of Mork on the Terradons, but failed the attempt, and Nibbla’s Itty Ring did little more than tickle Tezla-Kar slightly from long range. The Krox, like the Terradons, passed their panic test, since getting squashed by giant green feet was just part of the job for them.

In the shooting phase, one Spear Chukka missed Tezla-Kar’s unit, while the other missed my Terradons. For a minute, the Terradons thought they were in the clear....until a bat-winged Gobbo came flying up to them and shouted “Hey, how’s my flying?” Sadly, nothing could be done to prevent the horrible three-way airborne collision that ensued, with both the Terradons and the Gobbo crashing and dying in midair. This should stand as evidence as to why you shouldn’t fly while under the influence of shrooms.


Seeing that the Gobbos had been so kind as to give him a vegetable snack, Ara-kor charged into the stranded Squig Hoppers, who could only hold. My Scouts, meanwhile, moved directly in front of the Spider Riders to pelt them with javelins, and the Salamanders edged to the left of their wood so that they had line of sight to the Wolf Riders, making sure that the Night Gobbos and their supporting artillery still couldn’t spot them through the trees. My two infantry blocks continued to march up, and my Kroxigor, for some reason, advanced as well. Looking back, I’m not sure why I did this, since, if I fled with the Skinks, the Savage Boars’ natural charge distance would leave them stranded in front of the Krox for a beating. By advancing the Krox, I was doubling the chances that they would be hit by a Boar charge, but maybe the fact that the Krox were down to 2 made me realize how limited their effectiveness had become, and decided to use them as an anvil for a Saurus counter-charge. The truth may never be known. Oh, and my Skinks edged up closer to taunt the Boars with Miss Piggy impersonations (probably rather inappropriately, seeing as Jim Henson is still being sued by Mage-Lord Quirmitt for slander).

In the shooting phase, my Salamanders utterly annihilated the Wolf Riders with fiery overkill, though the nearby Night Goblins didn’t panic (if anything, the burning Wolf Riders gave them a bit of a laugh). The Scouts, however, failed in one of the worst examples of whiffing I have ever seen. Out of 10 javelin shots, only one scored a hit, and this proceeded to fail to wound (at point-blank range, no less.) This left the Scouts standing exposed, looking sheepishly at the Gobbos and their vicious Spider mounts and nervously. My other Skinks, at least, were spared the indignity of losing so horribly when they found that the Boar Boyz were just out of javelin range anyway.

In close combat, Ara-kor switched to his lighter sword and shield, but in a fit of bad rolling, only killed one Squig Hopper. The hungry Squigs swarmed him, but couldn’t pierce his armour, and so the fight ended in a draw.

In the Orc turn, the Big Boss’ ladz started to squabble over whether or not the new season of Dexter was really that bad. The Boss tried to restore order with a rolled-up TV Guide, but failed to wound any of his boyz. The Boar Boyz, however, were interrupted from their philosophical debate when their boars, enraged by the Skinks’ mockery of their distant relative, charged them. The Skinks stood and shot, but the only wound they scored simply bounced off of the Boars’ hides. The Spider Riders followed suit by charging the Scouts, and the Battle Standard’s Boyz marched down to meet the mass of Saurus in the centre. Oh yes, and the Fanatics simply spun randomly all over the right flank.

In the magic phase, the Gobbo Shaman once again tried to invoke the names of Gork and Terry Gilliam (who may or may not be the same entity) to cast Foot of Gork on the Kroxigor again. Tepok was having none of that, however, and I dispelled it with all four dice. Seeing that the Shaman was out of range for both the Gaze of Mork and his Itty Ring, the magic phase ended and the shooting phase began. Both Spear Chukkas took aim at Tezla-Kar’s unit, and, true to Gobbo tradition, missed horribly. The Doom Diver then launched another crazy Gobbo at the Saurus. This poor Gobbo only had time to give a hushed whisper of “I’m Batgob” before he splattered harmlessly against the Saurus’ shields.

In close combat, the Spider Riders happily stabbed down three Skinks as they sang “Spider Gobs, Spider Gobs, does whatever a Spider Gob can...”Their Spiders killed two more, but the Skinks managed to kill one Rider back. Although they had lost by a lot, the Skinks rolled snake eyes and stuck around in an uncharacteristic display of Skinky bravery. Elsewhere, Ara-kor did better this time and killed two Squig Hoppers for no wounds in return. Freaking out, the Squig Hoppers tried to flee, only to get cut to ribbons as Ara-kor pursued them.

Finally, near the centre of the battlefield, the Boar charge hit home. As Kaiser threw down his avalanche of dice, I muttered that “If a Skink lives, it will be a miracle.” Some fell power must have heard me, as two Skinks survived the onslaught when all the stabbing, goring and clubbing was done. And then, of course, those two Skinks broke and were run down, with the Boars overrunning into my Krox. Hmm, that could have gone better.


With the Boar Boyz on their doorstep, my leftmost Saurus unit charged in to help the Kroxigor, although only two of them could get into base contact. Although the porcine mounts of the Boar Boyz looked especially tasty to Ara-kor after that Squig special, he had his priorities, and he charged the leftmost Spear Chukka, whose crew fled and escaped. Elsewhere, Tezla-Kar’s Saurus angled to meet the possible charge of the Orc BSB and his unit, and the Salamanders exited the woods to confront the Night Gobbos.

My shooting phase, however, was once again cursed by the Dice Gods. The Salamanders seemed more keen on having lunch than on burning stuff, as a double Misfire saw them eat five Handlers and burn down only six Gobbos (who once again passed their panic test). My poor luck continued into the combat phase. My charging Saurus hit with all four of their attacks...and proceeded to fluff their to wound rolls. In exchange, the Boar Boyz annihilated my last two Krox in a frenzy of stabbage, though my Saurus stuck around thanks to the nearby BSB. Finally, in the combat in the woods, the Spiders killed one Skink and lost one in return. This time, however, my Skinks had had enough and ran for it, managing to outrun the Spider Riders in their flee move.

Sadly, if there was one other thing that I had forgotten about Orcs, it is that they can move quicker by yelling really loudly. The Big Boss declared a Waaagh, and everything zoomed forwards. This, unfortunately, left the BSB’s Orcs in range of my embattled Saurus, and the Big Boss’ Boyz in range of my startled Salamanders. In the midst of all this Waaaghing, the Fanatics continued to spin, with one of them narrowly missing the Big Boss’ unit. The other Fanatic’s poor sense of balance caught up with him, however, as he tripped on a rock and squished himself with his own ball and chain. This emitted a very amused chorus of “lol” from his comrades.

Predictably, the BSB’s Boyz charged my engaged Saurus in the front. The Big Boss ‘unit also charged the Salamanders, but they managed to flee and escape. Finally, the Spider Riders charged the fleeing Scouts, who fled again, but were caught this time. The fleeing Spear Chukka crew continued to flee, and ran screaming off the board.

In the magic phase, the Gobbo Shaman once again cast Foot of Gork, and once again got it dispelled. He then tried to cast Gaze of Mork on my Salamanders, but even with the aid of a magic mushroom, he failed to cast it. In the shooting phase, though, the Doom Diver launched an unerringly accurate Gobbo at the Salamanders, and the messy impact squished a Handler and did two wounds to a Salamander. The Gobbos followed suit with their short bows, and, in an uncommon bout of Goblin accuracy, they sniped down the last three Handlers. Thankfully, my Sallies passed their Monster Reaction test. Elsewhere, the last Spear Chukka fired at Ara-kor, and hit and wounded him, only for the bolt to be stopped by his ward save. PRAISE QUETZL!

In close combat, my Spawning Champion challenged, and the Boyz’ Boss accepted. Neither of them could get past the other’s armour, and the challenge went on. The Orc BSB, meanwhile, swatted at the Saurus with his great weapon, but he must have found wielding a great weapon and a battle standard at the same time to be fairly difficult, and he only killed one. The rest of the Orcs didn’t do much better, as the Boyz, Savages and boars all pretty much bounced off of the Saurus’ hefty armour save. The Saurus killed only one Boy in return, but thanks to my BSB, they held their ground. With that, the turn ended: my Saurus had held firm in the face of the Waagh, and the Orcs were now sitting with their flank exposed to Tezla-Kar’s unit. The game had just turned around.


Roaring, Tezla-Kar’s Saurus slammed into the Orcs’ flank. At first, I was unsure of whether or not to have Ara-kor join in or go after more of the Gobbo artillery, but after mentally gauging some distances and determining that Ara-kor was probably out of range of the next Spear Chukka, I sent him in to go kill some Orcs. Thankfully, my Salamanders rallied, sparing me another notch in my string of misfortunes.

In close combat, Ara-kor was an absolute killing machine, hacking four Orcs to bloody bits. Not to be outdone, Tezla-Kar killed three more, and my Saurus rolled five hits and did...one wound, killing a single Boy. The Orcs fought back, and although the Boyz couldn’t hurt the 1st unit of Saurus, the Boar Boyz picked up the slack by clobbering down one of them. The 1st Saurus then fought back, but, continuing their bout of bad luck, failed to kill anything in a horrendous series of to hit and to wound rolls. In exchange, the Orc BSB squished two of them, and, to add insult to injury, the Orc Champion killed my Spawning Champion in the ongoing challenge.

Still, the Orcs had lost, and obligingly failed both of their subsequent leadership tests. They turned and ran for it, only to be cut down by Ara-kor. The Boar Boyz also fled, barely escaping the pursuit of the 1st Saurus.

In the Orc turn, the Greenskins were left relatively animosity-free. The Big Boss and his Boyz turned to face my 1st Saurus, the Boar Boyz rallied, and the Spider Riders zoomed up to march-block Tezla-Kar’s unit. Now that he had lost his battle standard and big fighty Orc mob, Kaiser really needed to get some points back.

In the magic phase, Foot of Gork was once again dispelled. The Gobbo Shaman then tried to cast Gaze of Mork on the Salamanders, and ate a mushroom to boost the spell. He must have eaten the wrong kind of mushroom, however, as he rolled a 1 with it, and immediately became subject to stupidity and frenzy. As the Shaman began to sing a bizarre song about daisies, he remained lucid enough to point his Itty Ring at the Salamanders and koboink the wounded one with a magical green fist, killing it. Thankfully, my Salamanders passed their panic test.

In the shooting phase, the Gobbos once again fired their bows at the Salamanders, and collectively missed in a spectacular fashion. The artillery, however, turned their attention to my 1st Saurus. A flying kamikaze Gobbo squished one of the Saurus, while the remaining Spear Chukka shish-kebabed another two.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
06-10-2008, 04:13

With the Big Boss’ Boyz approaching the 1st Saurus, I could see a trap unfolding before me. If I charged the rallied Boar Boyz with my Saurus, then they would simply flee and leave the Lizards’ flank exposed to the oncoming Greenskinks. So, instead, my Saurus turned around to face them, while Ara-kor charged in alone against the Boar Boyz, eager for a pork dinner. Tezla-Kar’s unit was march-blocked by the Spider Riders, but they nonetheless turned around and angled so that, if the Orcs charged the 1st Saurus, I could flee with them and leave the Greenskins open to a counter-charge by Tezlar-Kar and crew. Elsewhere, the Salamanders edged up to burn some more Greenskins.

In the shooting phase, the Salamanders unloaded on the Gobbos...and were once again cursed with a Misfire, roasting only three of the little Green gits. In close combat, though, Ara-kor once again showed the Orcs whose boss by chopping four of the Boar Boyz to pieces. The last Orc squealed (or was that his mount?) and ran off the board, ridding me of yet another Greenskin unit.

In Kaiser’s turn, the remnants of his horde were plagued with animosity. His Boyz Waaghed forwards, but his Night Goblins, seeing the semi-conscious, slightly crazy state their Shaman was in, all wanted some of his mushrooms, and began to squabble over who had first dibs. The Friendly Neighbourhood Spider Riders, unaffected by all this animosity, continued to circle and taunt Tezla-Kar’s unit and preventing them from marching. The Big Boss’ Orcs, seeing that they clearly were not in charge range of the Saurus, held their ground, and that was that.

With his Shaman busy immolating tulips and accusing passing chipmunks of plotting his demise, Kaiser had no magic phase (especially since the Gobbos were busy ransacking the Shaman’s stash), so we went right for the shooting phase. Once again, a slightly demented Gobbo was catapulted towards the 1st Saurus with unerring accuracy, squishing two of the reptiles. Although the Spear Chukka missed and I passed my panic test, my Saurus were now sitting at six Lizards strong, which I found very worrying.


This turn, I decided that the appropriate thing to do was to hide, and I did just that. Ara-kor, fearing that nasty Spear Chukka, zoomed into a nearby forest, while my badly-reduced Saurus backed away from the advancing Big Boss and his retinue. My Salamanders stayed where they were, as they were still in burninating range of the Gobbos.

Please note that when I say “burninating,” I mean “dry coughing,” as my Salamanders proceeded to roll a double misfire! Part of me was actually glad that they had no more Skinks to eat at this stage, otherwise they would have gone through two full Handler crews by now!

In the Kaiser’s turn, the Gobbos AGAIN squabbled. That must have been some pretty good stash they were fighting over! The lone remaining Fanatic spun downwards, narrowly missing the Salamanders, and the Big Boss, figuring that they wouldn’t reach the Saurus now, dismounted and began to play cards with his Boyz.

With that, it was all down to the shooting phase: if the Kaiser could destroy or break my Saurus, then he would be able to land a draw. With a grim air of finality, one last Gobbo was loaded into the Doom Diver and launched skywards. This lone, heroic Gobbo, described a perfect, trailing arc through the air, and with an almighty cry of “Leeeeeroy Jeeeeenkins,” crashed into my Saurus, killing three of them. The Spear Chukka crew, wiping tears from their eyes, tried to follow the brave Gobbo’s example, but, sadly, missed Tezla-Kar’s unit.

And with that, the battle ended...

As darkness fell, our two hosts withdrew from the battle, with both our sides having fought to a bloody stalemate. During the night, we retrieved the bodies of our fallen, and scoured the bodies of the Greenskins. The Old Ones smiled upon us, for attached to the makeshift banner that the Greenskin host had fought over was one of the Shards. It seemed that the Greenskins’ Shamans must have found the shard and, sensing the potency of the magic within, attached it to their banner to increase their own magical wards. Indeed, in the battle’s aftermath, I could feel very potent anti-magical fields emanating from the fallen banner, no doubt due to the shard’s presence. It sickens me, however, to know that the Greenskins were using the shard for their own barbaric ends.

We are already continuing our journey under the cover of darkness. There may be hope for our lost kin yet, though I sense that there is some far grander design at work that we are playing a part in…




Shards Recovered: 6 (Or 4, as 2 are missing with the other group of Lizards)


This Lady Luck must have had a healthy dose of caffeine before this battle, as there was all sorts of loopy luck going on —my javelins and Saurus kept whiffing their attacks, my Salamanders frequently misfired (even when they had no more Skinks to munch), and Kaiser’s Doom Diver kept landing a direct hit with every shot. And then, of course, there’s my Scar-Veteran hitting and wounding with all of his attacks twice in a row, and Kaiser’s Night Goblins squabbling twice in a row as well (after his Shaman had fried his brains on shrooms, no less). This was easily one of the most bizarre games I have ever played, with the laws of probability repeatedly being thrown out the window.

That said, it was still pretty close. Things were looking fairly even-sided until I ran down Kaiser’s big Orc unit on turn 4, after which point I was most definitely in the lead. It was thanks mostly to that laser-guided Doom Diver of his that Kaiser managed to claw back a draw: that crucial hit on my Saurus in the final turn reduced them to just three models, thus leaving them unable to contest a quarter and thus giving Kaiser a crucial 200 point bonus for capturing a quarter. If that Diver had missed, then I might have actually eked out a victory. I guess I can blame myself for not taking out his Doom Diver earlier with my Terradons , especially since I had wasted them by forgetting completely about the existence of Fanatics. That, at least, is a mistake that I won’t be making again any time soon.

(Incidentally, this is the first time in quite a while that my opponent and I remembered to count table quarters in a game, something that I almost always forget. Now that I think about it, if we had counted table quarters in my last batrep, I probably would have lost that one. It makes me seriously consider going back and recounting points totals in my previous games to see if I mangled the results of any of them.)

In the end, though, it was still pretty close. I’ve found that the Orcs and Goblins are a pretty unpredictable army to play, both with and against. You simply never know when and where animosity or some other bit of random craziness will hit, and whether it will play to your advantage or make things worse for you. (Case in point: that one failed animosity test from the Boar Boyz actually saved them from being frenzy-baited into a trap by my Skinks). Against the Greenskins, my Priest-less list held out pretty well, and my Saurus once again saved the day by being the indomitable anvil that they are. In retrospect, though, I’m fairly surprised that Kaiser initially sent his Big Boss’ unit after my Salamanders instead of my main Saurus line. If the Big Boss and his unit had managed to get involved in that big fight in the centre, chances are he might have broken them. Besides which, as it turned out, my Salamanders weren’t much of a threat anyway.

Still, it was a fun game, and Kaiser was a great guy to play against. I look forward to playing him again...once my Salamanders get their act together , that is.

MVP: Ara-kor was absolutely amazing in this battle! By himself, he killed/ran down more than 900 points of stuff- more than five times his points value and the vast majority of my final score! I initially suspected that dropping the Spawning of Sotek from him would hamper his effectiveness, but I was proved wrong in this battle. Once again, though, the Saurus get an honourable mention for being so dead ‘ard.

LVP: My Salamanders were incredibly dismal in this battle, killing only about 11 Goblins in total. A pretty sad tally, I think, given how often the Sallies have been my MVP unit.

Opponent’s MVP: The Doom Diver of DOOOOOM! That thing was a pain in the neck throughout the entire battle, as it simply wouldn’t miss or misfire! In the end, it was a humble (albeit crazy) flying Gobbo who saved the day for Kaiser. I definitely won’t be underestimating the power of flying Gobbos from now on.

06-10-2008, 11:17
Hillarious battle report. Thanks for the read:D

06-10-2008, 12:23
;)Another great report. Your changes made for a top Saurus List and I cant wait to see what happens next with your 2000 point game LION

06-10-2008, 20:40
a very amusing rep once again, just leave Terry Giliam alone or I'll have you burned..

Oh and thats not a laser guided goblin-missile, its a smart-mis.... wait a sec...

06-10-2008, 22:24
As always, great BR! But one thing...

you mentioned that his BSB had a great weapon. How? I was under the impression that the BSB takes one hand to hold and the GW takes two, thus making the combination impossible.

07-10-2008, 01:51
Black Orc Big Bosses have a special rule (Armed to da Teef) that means they have both a Great Weapon and a second Hand Weapon. The rule is not lost when they become a BSB.

07-10-2008, 02:21
Entertaining as always LoNC .
It sounds like a krazy fun game.

12-10-2008, 13:04
Just read your last 2 BR's in a row and even though you got 2 draws, both were excellent results I reckon. And that DE list is no where as nasty as they can be, wait till you meet the double Hydra / Dragon list with GW wielding Shades 'Assasin hopping' charging you turn one.....You have been warned!

Keep up the excellent work sir...

14-10-2008, 22:46
What I find most interesting in this series of battle reports is that they provide us with the chance to witness your development as a Lizardman player.
Despite the harsh self-criticism in the mid-way summary, I believe that you've had the chance to playtest many builds, see how units interact and settle down on how to use them best.
The effect of this procedure is made more prominent by your recent results!

Please, carry on with the Chronicles; they are a fine read, one you look forward to!

19-10-2008, 00:41
Awesome battle reports. My friend is starting lizards so now I'll know what to expect!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
07-11-2008, 00:28
This is just a disclaimer to let people know that, despite the lengthy amount of time I'm takling for me next post, the Chronicles aren't dead. It's jsut that I've recently been bogged down by an incredible amount of schoolwork, among other things. Although I did fight a battle that I was meaning to report for the Chronicles, a recent computer glitch caused me to lose the file, so that report isn't happening any time soon.

That said, this delay will hopefully only be temporary. The Chronicles will continue, and the quest for the shards will resume soon(ish).

09-11-2008, 13:34
Look forward to the next one fella...

20-11-2008, 14:28
While dusting off my 1.5k worth of Lizards for a game against a seasoned veteran's Tomb Kings, my thoughts were drawn to this very inspiring thread.

Thank you very much for the good read and certainly look forward to more.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
30-11-2008, 21:32
Aaaaaand, I’m back, everyone! Sorry I kept you all waiting, but fear not, I have many a batrep waiting for you all.

QUICK NOTE: After looking back at my previous reports, I’ve noticed that, points-wise, my last battle against the Orcs and Goblins was a minor victory rather than a draw. Clearly, this was a calculation error on both my part and Der Kaiser’s, but that aside....(does Post-Correction LoNC Victory Dance TM).

And now, back to our irregularly scheduled program...

Battle 18: Waaagh Can't We Be Friends?

(Note: half of the intro wasn't written by me)

Kaxaan sat perched against a nearby crag, a fine layer of carefully-laid dust coating his scales and allowing him to blend in perfecty with his rocky surroundings. The mountains of the Continent were different from the ones in Lustria, he thought quietly to himself. For one thing, they didn't reek of lava as much.

It had been four days since that magical explosion in the forest....four days since he had woken up in this foul, mountainous climate. Any other Skink would have been at a loss at what to do, but that was not the case with Kaxaan. He was a hunte, and a forager, and he had easily managed to survive the first few days by hunting down the giant spiders that infested the crags, and finding adequateshelter for the night.

It hadn't been long before he had begun to find other Skinks, scattered remnants of the warhost, lost amidst the mountainside. Each of them had awoken here, just as he had, separated and isolated from one another. As the days passed, he found more and more Skinks, along with more than a few of the beasts that he had tamed for the warhost (although his Stegadon, Xntli, was still yet to be found). He also found the Priest Ixcotl, and had managed to save him from certain death at the hands of the Spiders.

Ixcotl had shocked Kaxaan by informing him that the shards had somehow been scattered by that explosion. Ixcotl knew this, for he had managed to find two such shards over the days. Furthermore, according to Ixcotl, they were now nearly a hundred miles from the site of their original battle. Whatever had happened back in that glade, it had been powerful enough to scatter the warhost across the globe. They were on their own, without Ara-kor to lead them.

The scales on Kaxaan's back stiffened as he saw the Greenskins advancing at the bottom of the canyon. For all he knew, Ara-kor, Tlacepotl and the others might be dead. He honestly didn't know, but until he did, it was now his duty to retrieve the shards and carry on the Quest. He was a servant to Ux-Mal, and he would do his utmost to ensure that it was lifted from its curse.

The frills on his back went red, signalling his brethren to begin the attack...


"Umm, boss," started Squishy Squash, a Night Goblin Big Boss. "What is uz gone do now?"

Hungor, the Black Orc Big Boss grunted. He thought he heard a big boom. That was normally something to do with a fight. "I heard somethin'. Big boom thingy sound. Weez gonna see what's it iz. Me finks itz a fight."

The Night Gobbo rolled his eyes. His boss made him look like a genius. But he was the strongest in the tribe... If he did as he was told and didn't anger Hungor, he wouldn't get beaten up. "'Kay, boss," was the bored reply, as the gobbo fished around his ear, trying to catch an elusive piece of earwax. Mounted on Squashy Squish, his enormous spider, he was formally the leader of Da Spida Ridaz, but Hungor's tribe beat them in a fight and his entire tribe was dead except him.

The Black Orc sat upon his boar, Spearmuncha, who seemed to prove the whole an owner is like his pet debate. Spearmuncha and Hungor both looked like they couldn't wait anymore for a fight.

Out of nowhere, Hungor and Squishy Squash spotted some red standing out in the mountain. This caused the Black Orc to smile deviously and made the Night Goblin anxious. Bellowing war cries, Hungor golloped up the mountain, with Squishy Squash and the rest of the army close behind.

With uni dragging me down, I sought oneof the few places I could for a good battle—the internets. When I discovered that the website The Ogre Stronghold regularly did online battles using the paint program, I was impressed, and quickly registered and began throwing down some challenges. One of the locals, Everhunger (EvilPaladin of this forum) took up the gauntlet, and we battled it out in a 1000-point game. Normally, I would have liked to do a higher points level, but I wanted to do a battle with a list representing some of the scattered survivors of the big magical explosion thingy.(TM).

The battle report as it was on the Ogre Stronghold can be found here (http://ogrestronghold.com/forum/index.php?topic=10425.0)

Our lists were as follows:

Kaxaan’s Survivors

Kaxaan the Scout (Skink Chief)- Scout, Sword of Might, light armour, Enchanted Shield, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Sacred Spawning of Sotek- 137
Ixcotl the Obsidian (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls, Scout- 160
10 Skinks- javelins, shields- 60
10 Skinks- blowpipes- 60
10 Skinks- javelins, Scouts- 70
3 Kroxigor- 174
4 Terradons- 140
3 Salamander Packs- 195


I was curious to see how this list would fare against the Greenskins. I did not have any super-hitting power from a Scar-Veteran or any Saurusy unit, but on the other hand, I still had all of my nasty special units. Hopefully, this list would be more thank capable of taking on EvilPaladin and his eeevil Greenskins.

Speaking of which...


Hungor ( Black Orc Big Boss)- boar, spear, heavy armour, shield, Warboss Umm’s Best Boss ‘At, Nibbla’s Itty Ring
Squishy-Squash (Night Goblin Big Boss)- Gigantic Spider, spear, light armour, shield, Horn of Urgok, Collar of Zorga
25 Orc Big Uns- shields, full command, Mork’s Spirit Totem
5 Wolf Riders- spears, short bows, musician
5 Wolf Riders- spears, short bows, musician
Wolf Chariot
5 Orc Boar Boyz- full command, Nogg’s Banner of Butchery

This list surprised me a little, with no mages whatsoever, and a reliance on fast, hitty units rather than on blocks of Orcs and Gobbos (save for the Big ‘Uns, that is). All told, EvilPaladin took the right approach to fighting Lizards: lots of fast units that Skinks will be hard-pressed to avoid.


The deployment looked like this:


For spells, Ixcotl rolled Second Sign of Amul and Forked Lighting.


I hoped to use my centre Skink units to bait the Boar Boyz into a Kroxigor trap. Everything else would focus on killing off the Wolf Riders and Chariot. If at all possible, I hoped to avoid the Big ‘Uns, since I didn’t have anything with the solid combat resolution to defeat them in close combat. Well, that was the plan in theory, anyway. I had yet to see how it would fare in practise.


I won the first turn, and began the movement phase by zooming my Terradons to the right to counter Everhunger’s Wolf Riders next turn. In the centre, my Scouts and Kroxigor edged forwards, ready to eventually bait the Boar Boyz into charge range, and Kaxaan zoomed straight down, ending up right between the Boar Boyz and Wolf Chariot. Both of these units would be march-blocked next turn by a single, Nike-wearing Skink, much to Everhunger’s annoyance and my amusement. Elsewhere, side from Ixcotl edged up to get line of sight on the Orcs, and my Skinks and Salamanders held their ground and waited for the Greenskins to come to then.

In the magic phase, Ixcotl cast Second Sign of Amul,on three dice, which the Greenskins let go. It was only then that I realized my blunder, as I would have no shooting or combat this turn that those rerolls could be used for. With that, I mumbled about how I should have cast Forked Lightning instead, and ended my magic phase and my turn.

In response, the Orcs began their surprisingly animosity-free turn with a general advance. The Goblin Boss and Wolf Riders zoomed up the left flank toward my Salamanders, and the other Wolf Riders similarly zoomed up the right flank. The Orc Boyz advanced forwards, as did the Boar Boyz, eying my distant Skinks with evil anticipation. Finally, to my surprise, the Wolf Chariot didn’t move forwards but instead turned around to face Kaxaan. I found this move curious, since I could easily zoom him out of line of sight in my turn.

In the magic phase, the Orc Boss tried to use his magic ring to punch the Skink screen from long range. He must have forgotten his Green Lantern’s oath, however, as Ixcotl dispelled it with ease. Always eager to upstage the Orc, Squishy-Squash tried to sound the Horn of Urgok, but Ixcotl threw a dispel scroll paper airplane that lodged itself firmly in the horn’s tube. The shooting phase, however, was infinitely better for the Greenskins. Although the left-flank Wolf Riders failed to hit the Salamanders, and although the Wolf Chariot’s bows similarly missed Kaxaan, the right-flank Wolf Riders fired a full volley of heat-seeking arrows that riddled one unfortunate Terradon and dropped it from the sky. Thankfully, the winged reptiles passed their panic test.



With the Greenskins advancing aggressively, the Lizardmen decided to respond in kind. Invoking the name of Leeroy Jenkins, Kaxaan charged headlong into the Wolf Chariot, while the Terradons angrily charged the Wolf Riders, who turned and ran for it. That was it, really: everything else held its ground and waited for the Greenskins to come just a little closer. The only exception, however, were the Salamanders, who waddled forward into the river to have a nice lava bath. (They didn’t have lava like this back in Lustria, after all).

In the magic phase, Ixcotl tried to electrocute the left Wolf Riders with Forked Lightning, but Mork’s Evil, Evil Spirit Totem blocked the attempt. Unnerved by the Orcs’ sheer number of dispel dice, Ixcotl then failed to cast Second Sign. In the shooting phase, however, the Salamanders revealed their arachnophobic nature, and proceeded to utterly burninate the Gigantic Spider and badly burn Squishy-Squash (and eat one handler, but who’s counting him?) This left the badly-burned Big Boss on foot, with the nearby Wolf Riders jeering him mercilessly.

In close combat, Kaxaan gave voice to a high-pitched cry as he lunged at the Chariot, bringing his mighty sword down in a great cleaving blow...and lost his grip on it, sending the sword flying out of his hand. The Chariot struck back, but Kaxaan was at least competent enough to use his magical shield properly, and neither the Gobbos nor the Wolves did any damage back. Despite losing combat, Kaxaan held his ground, determined not to embarrass himself any more than he already had.

In the Greenskin turn, the right Wolf Riders kept fleeing, while the leftmost Wolf Riders suddenly began to bicker over whether Squishy Squash losing his Spider was funny or absolutely hilarious. Grumbling about the Gobbos and their odd sense of priorities, the Boar Boyz and Big ‘Uns continued to advance, with the Boar Boyz making sure to stay out of the Kroxigor’s charge range. Other than that, everything else was either fleeing, squabbling or in close combat.

In the magic phase, Hungor once again tried to unleash his discount magic ring on the Skinks, and once again got it dispelled. Similarly, the annoyed Squishy Squash tried to blow his horn really loudly at the Salamanders, but again got a scroll down the tube for his troubles. In close combat, however, Kaxaan managed to pick his sword up and, remembering how to use it properly, hacked two sizeable chunks out of the Gobbo chariot. In reply, however, a plucky Wolf bit Kaxaan in the ankle, drawing combat.



Seeing that the Boar Boyz were now getting a bit too close for comfort, I zoomed my Scouts up in front of them while edging my Kroxigor back, setting the Orcs up for a nice trap. The Salamanders edged back somewhat, as I was anxious of the possibility of a Waagh-charge by the Big’Uns, and the Skinks and Ixcotl followed suit, edging away from the Big’Uns as much as their movement would allow. The Terradons, meanwhile, zoomed down after the fleeing Wolf Riders, hoping to inflict some javelin-related annoyance upon them.

In the magic phase, Ixcotl’s Forked Lightning on the Wolf Riders was dispelled, but he managed to make up for it by getting one reroll from Second Sign of Amul. In the shooting phase, the Salamanders unleashed havoc on the Wolf Riders...and rolled two misfires, eating three handlers. The one Salamander who was sensible enough to actually fire, however, managed to roast four Wolf riders, though the last one simply laughed at his burning comrades. Elsewhere, my javelin Skinks plinked off one Boar Boy, and the Terradons managed to strafe down one of the fleeing Wolf Riders. To top things off, Kaxaan finally finished off the Wolf Chariot in close combat, chopping it to bits with his sword of magical killyness.

In the Greenskin turn, the Boar Boyz became a little over-excited and Waaghed into the Scouts, forcing them to flee. A little miffed that the newts didn’t want to play, the Boar Boyz charged them and this time ran them down, though their pursuit ended with them sitting right in front of the Kroxigor and their nice shiny axes. Elsewhere, the fleeing Wolf Riders rallied, the Big ‘Uns continued to trudge after my forces, and Squishy Squash did his best to look inconspicuous.

In the magic phase, Squishy-Squash again sounded the Horn, and again found that Lizardmen dispel dice don’t like trumpet performances. Hungor, however, finally remembered his Green Lantern Oath, and used the Itty Ring to punch one of the Kroxigor in the jaw with a giant green fist. In the shooting phase, the lone Wolf Rider was too busy LOLing to aim carefully, and he missed the Salamanders by several miles. The rallied Wolves, however, turned their bows on Kaxaan and scored one wound upon him. I rolled the armour save, and, as sure proof that Murphy doesn’t like me, the roll came up a 1. My cry of indignation could be heard across the internets as Kaxaan fell, sniped down by mere Goblins! Oh the reptility!



Seeing their chance, the Kroxigor charged the Boar Boyz, who who held, while the Terradons charged the rallied Wolf Riders atop the hill, who also held. My Salamanders, seeing that the Big ‘Uns were looking their way, decided to escape their charge arc by charging the Gobbo Boss, who passed his fear test and held. The Skinks and Ixcotl, meanwhile, all held their ground, figuring that, after seeing what happened to Kaxaan, it would be better to let the actual fighty units do the fighting.

In the magic phase, Mork’s Spirit Totem was once again Kaxaan’s bane, as the Orcs dispelled both Forked Lightning and Second Sign. The shooting phase was also a no-go, so we went straight to combat. In the central combat, the Kroxigor gave a mediocre performance, chopping only three Orcs and their boar mounts into ham sandwiches. In reply, the Boar Boyz activated their Banner of Butchery, but, in what can only be one of the worst fits of bad dice rolling I’ve ever seen (that wasn’t rolled by me, that is), the Big Boss, his mates, and their Boars all failed to score a single wound back! Outnumbered by a fear-causing enemy, the Boar Boyz unsurprisingly fled, and, despite a lousy flee roll, managed to escape the Kroxigor’s pursuit.

On the right flank, the Terradons swooped down on the Wolf Riders, unleashing their multitude of strength 4 attacks...and only killed one Wolf Rider. The Wolf Riders rolled just as badly, only succeeding in mildly tickling the Terradons. As we tallied the combat results, however, I found that, between the Wolf Rider’s high ground, outnumbering and musician, they had won combat solidly. Typically, my Terradons blew their leadership test and fled for their lives. Also typically, the Wolf Riders pursued and caught them.

On the left flank, meanwhile, a rules debate quickly flared up, as Everhunger quickly reminded me that his Big Boss had the Collar of Zorga. Neither of us were sure if the Salamanders fit into the category of “monsters and ridden monsters,” and so we were unsure as to whether or not the Sallies would hit Squishy-Squash on 6’s. Thankfully, resolution was fairly quick, as Everhunger consulted some rules lawyers on the site and found that, no, the Salamanders would not be affected by the Collar of Zorga. Overjoyed to be free from the legal drama, the Salamanders celebrated by biting Squish-Squash’s head off.

In the Greenskin turn, the Big ‘Uns, seeing that both of their Bosses were either dead or fleeing, began to squabble over who they should elect as their new Boss (half were in favour of Obamorc, and the other half favoured McWaagh). Hungor obviously was unaware of this, as he and his Boar Boyz failed their rally test and continued to flee like little sissies. Laughing at Hungor, the Wolf Riders zoomed up into the hill so that they could charge some Skinks later on.

With no magic items in play, the only shooting came from the lone Wolf Rider, who had grown bored of the battle and was now shooting birds overhead instead of the Salamanders. And typically, he missed them as well.


Lord of Nonsensical Crap
30-11-2008, 21:34

With the Wolf Riders now on their doorstep, it would have been rude of the blowpipers not to say hello, and so I moved them up into firing range. I knew that, at long range and with the Wolf Riders in cover, the blowpipers probably wouldn’t do much, but I desperately needed to thin those Wolf Riders down before they munched through my centre. Elsewhere, the Javelin Skinks moved back to avoid the Big ’Uns, and the Salamanders, knowing that at this point they wouldn’t be able to move into burninating range of the Orcs, instead moved down to contest some table quarters. The Kroxigor, finally, marched down after the Big ‘Uns, hoping to charge them again the moment they rallied.

Magic was again dispelled. The shooting phase was a mixed bag: on the left flank, the Salamanders unloaded 22 hits on the lone Wolf Rider (typical that I get that many against a single 1-wound model) and reduced him to ashes. The blowipes, using single shots, managed to kill a Wolf Rider, but the Gobbos managed to pass their panic test.

Understandably annoyed, the Wolf Riders charged the blowpipers, who held. To both mine and Everhunger’s surprise, Hungor and his Boyz failed their rally test kept on running, getting perilously close to the board edge. The Big ‘Uns, meanwhile, realized that election season had already passed, and continued to move after the Scouts.

With no magic or shooting, we went straight to combat. The last two Wolf Riders mercilessly stabbed down two blowpipers, and their Wolves proceeded to eat a third. In true Skinky fashion, the blowpipers did nothing in return, broke and were run down. The Wolf Riders’ pursuit took them into Ixcotl, who, unlike Kaxaan, didn’t actually think Skinks were any good in close combat, and he fled and escaped.



In the final turn, I tried to scrape as many points back as I could. Ixcotl rallied, thankfully, and conveniently, his flee move had taken him far back enough for the Kroxigor to swing around and shield him. The Salamanders moved down to take the southwest quarter, while the Javelins skirted up to take the northeast one. That was pretty much that: I was not so much concerned about killing stuff at this point as I was about getting victory points.

In the magic phase, Ixcotl tried to unleash Forked Lightning, only to miscast. The miscast allowed the Greenskins to auto-cast one of their own spells, but seeing as the Orcs’ sole remaining bound item was being carried by the fleeing Hungor, we pretty much ignored this result. A few of the Scouts, though, were in range and line of sight of the Wolf Riders, but a combination of bad dice and bad modifiers due to cover meant that they all missed.

In Everhunger’s last turn, he did something that completely surprised me. Rather than charging his last two Wolf Riders at my Scouts, or zooming them off to preserve points, he instead sent them charging headlong into my Kroxigor! I really didn’t understand the logic of this move, and I really think he was just trying to end the game in grand, heroic fashion. Whatever the reason, the two Wolf Riders passed their fear test, and bravely (or insanely) charged into my waiting Krox. Elsewhere, Everhunger really needed the Boar Boyz to rally, otherwise they would net me quite a lot of points to him. This time, however, the dice were kind to him, and Hungor and his Boyz turned around, laughing sheepishly and saying that they had just been doing a “taktikal wiffdrawal” instead of running like cowardly gits.

After moving his Big ‘Uns up a bit, we went straight to the Charge of the Green Brigade...

“Let’s get dose gits!”
Was there a Gobbo dismayed?
Not tho’ the Wolf Rider knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the two Gobbos.

Flash'd all their spears bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Poking the Lizards there,
Charging head on, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the bronze axes
Into their foes’ blades they crashed
Wolf and Goblin
Smash’d from the axe-stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then turned back, but not
Not the two Gobbos

In grand heroic style, the Wolf Riders charged in, inflicted absolutely zero wounds, and got utterly squished for their troubles. And with that, the battle was over.

Kaxaan was in a world of pain. An arrow lay lodged in his thin chest, and another in his shoulder. He had already lost a lot of blood, and already, his scaled limbs were feeling numb from paralysis. As he lay on the rocky ground, looking up into the grey, dismal sky, a million thoughts raced through his head. His old hunting mentor would have called this state of affairs “panic,” a term that made Kaxaan feel more than a little shame. He had been hunting for generations now, and had brought down everything from Mothersnakes to a Stegadon Ancient. For him to be feeling panic would be contrary to everything he was.

No, he told himself. What he was feeling was remorse. Was this the fate the Old Ones had laid out for him? To die on this dismal rock from a Goblin’s pot-shot, after all that he had done in the service of Lord Xlantec? What of the shards? What of the mission? What of the sacred duty that had been entrusted to the warhost? He couldn’t die. Not yet. Not while he still had a duty to perform.

He tried to sit up, to get back to his feet and continue the fight. His limbs would not obey. In the distance, he heard shouts and screams of Lizards and Orcs alike. As darkness descended over his vision, he felt small and insignificant, an unworthy servant of the Old Ones who had created him...

The darkness began to lift, and he felt the numbness in his limbs begin to gradually recede. Gradually, he realized that he was not alone, that others were with him. With supreme effort, he turned his head, and saw two figures standing near him. One of them was Ixcotl, and the Skink’s heart lifted a beat when he saw that the other figure was Tlacepotl. Both of them were standing over him, light playing from their claws as they wrought a healing spell over him.

There was another figure, standing over the two Skink Priests. Kaxaan looked up, and was greeted by the sight of Ara-kor looking back down on him, the great Stegadon-helm of Ux-Mal’s hero seeming to shine in what little light this place had.


“Do not move yet, Kaxaan,” Ara-kor said. “You are still too injured. Rest now: you have fought well today.”

Weakly, Kaxaan inclined his head a little. “The battle...the Greenskins...”

“...have withdrawn, for now.” Ara-kor gave a low growl. “But if they return, they will have the might of the Cohorts to deal with. Either way, we have found you and the others. That is all that matters.”

Kaxaan nodded and leaned his head back, allowing himself to lapse into unconsciousness. Ara-kor was right. The Warhost was one again, and that was all that mattered.


Lizardmen- 720
Orcs and Goblins- 602

Result: DRAW
Shards: 6


Well that was a pretty engaging game. Everything in this battle was about manoeuvre, with my units constantly moving to avoid, draw or counter enemy charges, and in this field my army excelled. Everything in my list was movement 6 or higher and, in most cases, skirmishing, and as a result I was able to move when and where I wanted. In retrospect, this list may be a bit on the unfriendly side for 1000 points, and Everhunger really had some difficulty in getting to grips with my troops. However, I will give full credit to Everhunger in this game for fighting as well as he did. In spite of his sometimes atrocious luck, he managed to pull through well enough (in part due to my own really bad luck) and get back enough points for a draw.

Looking back, my plan worked for the most part. I was able to (almost) take out the Boar Riders with my Kroxigor, and kill off all of his peripheral units in the meantime. Everything worked more or less as planned, but those Wolf Riders really threw something of a monkey wrench into the game. They were simply phenomenal this battle, first sniping down poor Kaxaan, then somehow defeating and running down my charging Terradons, and then killing off some more Skinks at the end of the game. On their own, they accounted for 437 points (several times their point value) and earn the vast majority of Everhunger’s victory point total. It was only thanks to their questionable charge into my Kroxigor that I was able to kill them at all.

All in all, it a pretty fun, tense game, and we both really enjoyed it. Next time, of course, I intend to score more than a draw against Everhunger.

MVP: The Salamanders did the most damage this battle, killing two units on their own, so I guess I’ll give it to them. The Kroxigor get honourable mention for routing the Boar Boyz and finishing off those pesky Wolf Riders.

LVP: The Terradons. Again. You’d think that 9 strength 4 attacks would be able to kill more than one Wolf Rider, but these guys always enjoy proving me wrong.

Opponent’s MVP: The ever-so-cheap Wolf Riders single-handedly munched through a hefty chunk of my army by their lonesome selves. They are definitely the stars of this game.

Next: Dances With Skinks

01-12-2008, 16:18
My terradons always let me down too. The only thing I find they do well at is march blocking and taking out warmachines.

Even the lightest of troops seem too much for them because any attacks back are almost sure to wound them.

01-12-2008, 17:13
Very nice report. Hehe "Green Lantern Ring".
I never do wel with terradons myself. They do SEEM like they would be awesome. Maybe it's just the low numbers. Losing one significantly weakens them.
Great report and great game again. As some people have mentioned. it's cool to see just how far things have come since the first bat reps. No one skunks you anymore with things you don't know how to deal with or have never seen. Nice job.

01-12-2008, 17:18
Sigh another tie...
Maybe next month you'll find out that you actually won this one ;)

Oh an the whole Charge of the Green Brigade bit ...
Priceless :D

02-12-2008, 22:09
I'll take you on anytime, LoNC. It was a pleasure to play you. As for the final charge, I understood that I had lost and wanted to see if my Wolfies could pull another encouraging slaying... Of course, that wasn't all too bright... And looking back, I should have thinned down that Big 'Uns unit. That unit was as expensive as my general's unit, including him! Next time, LoNC, next time. Let's see how you like a tide of brown mangy fur! *maniacle cackle*

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
09-12-2008, 01:47
Battle 19: Obsidian and Gold


After all of our long trials and sufferings, the warhost is finally unified once more. The calamity that separated us now seems far-away as we advance onwards through the continent, our purpose renewed. Kaxaan and the other members of his group have since healed from their injuries, and we are about to leave the Greenskin-infested mountain ranges to renew our search for the shards. Part of me suspects that this ordeal of ours—our separation and the obstacles placed in our path to hinder us—may have been part of the Old Ones’ plan all along. Could not the almighty Quetzl determine our fortitude, intelligence and resourcefulness only by placing us in so difficult a situation? If this was indeed a test laid down before us, then we have most certainly passed it.

However, part of me also suspects that the Old Ones, wise and all-knowing though they may be, had no hand in this whatsoever. Whatever it was that transported us, we cannot say how or why it did so. Again, I grow to suspect the work of the Xlanax. Could they have separated us in order to prevent us from finding the shards? If so, then it is imperative that we find the rest of them, and quickly. We may also have to carefully watch our movements from now on. If it is indeed the Great Enemy that hinders us, then it could be they are watching us, monitoring our every move so that they might find the location of Ux-Mal itself.

We are already advancing upon another shard. This time, the signal being generated by it is unusually clear. I can sense no interference, no sign of magic inhibition...nothing. I have never felt a signal so clear before, and it is for this reason that I feel deeply disturbed. This could very well be a trap. Quetzl preserve us if, somehow, somewhere, an enemy not only learned of us, but managed to anticipate our arrival...


Captain Emmerich gave a smart salute as the Pegasus came flying down front of him, its hooves touching the earth with graceful diligence and its majestic wings folding back towards its sides. Behind Emmerich, the ranks of the 5th and 12th Reikland Swordsmen echoed his salute, raising their swords towards the Pegasus’ rider. If they hadn’t been in on the march, then Emmerich would also have had the artillery batteries do a gun salute as well, but they couldn’t afford to waste ammunition. Not when there were enemies abroad.

The figure sitting on top of the Pegasus nodded to Emmerich, his face unseen. “Report, Captain.” His voice had a cool, almost steely quality to it.

Emmerich nodded his grizzled head. “About an hour ago, our scouts came back reporting another battle site, sir,” he said. “Greenskins again, we couldn’t find any other bodies. We saw more signs of burn damage throughout the area, and one of the horsemen managed to find this, sir, on a Goblin’s body.”

With that, Emmerich reached into his pocket and held aloft a tiny, needle-like sliver of metal. The figure on the Pegasus reached a glove hand down and inspected it, peering at it intently with his hidden eyes.

“Did you or any of your men make skin contact with it?” The figure noted that Emmerich’s hands were concealed in travel-gloves.

“No, Lord Gelt,” Emmerich said. “We followed your instructions to the letter.”

Balthasar Gelt, Supreme Patriarch of the Colleges of Magic, nodded to the Captain. Emmerich was a veteran of many wars, and during the Storm of Chaos he had seen many things that would drive any other man mad...and yet there was something about Gelt’s masked face that he found especially unnerving. Especially what with the rumours floating around that that was the Gold Wizard’s face...

“Well done, Captain,” Gelt said, even as the sliver of metal began to transmute and liquefy in his hand, before seemingly disappearing. “Now I would suggest that you and your men prepare for battle.”

Emmerich blinked. “My lord?” Emmerich understood little of the matter, Gelt knew, being unschooled as he was in the magic arts. He and the rest of the Reikand detachment had been specially tasked with aiding him in his mission, but they had never been entreated to exact details. About a week ago, many mages in Altdorf, including Balthasar himself, had felt a massive, magical outrbust erupting somewhere inthe vicinity Middenland, and its effects had been significant. For three whole days, the Winds of Magic had been thrown out of sync, before they had finally resumed their normal pattern. Something powerful enough to disalign the Winds, however, was something that troubles Gelt greatly. The Empire was already facing troubles with increased daemonic incursions and the marauding of the dread vampire Lahboura, so something like this couldn’t be ignored. Gelt had taken it upon himself to investigate this anomaly firsthand, and, with the Emperor’s permission, took a sizeable contingent of troops with him.

After investigating the original explosion site, Gelt found lingering evidence of potent transference magic . Someone or something had been teleported a long distance from this spot to another, though the power used to evoke such a spell had to be immense. No living mage, save maybe for some of the greatest spellcasters of the Elves, could attempt such a thing. Since then, Gelt and his men had followed the trail, scrying the winds to look for telltale hints of the same magic being used. Their search had led them to old battlegrounds littered with slain Greenskins, though the bodies of the other side could never be found. Something was on the move, Gelt knew. Something had caused all of this.

It was only two days ago that he had found the shard—a magically-charged sliver of obsidian that had obviously had some sort of ward placed upon it. He had spent endless hours trying to break the seal, but with no luck: whatever had created this had used masterful techniques, fusing enchantments together in such a way that even he could not decipher them. Ever since he had found the shard, though, he had felt an uncomfortable shifting within the winds of magic. Something was altering the Winds, and this stone was somehow connected to that

At this stage, he knew that whatever was out there might want this stone. After entrusting it to Wilhelm, the company’s resident Warrior Priest, Balthasar decided to wait and see what manner of creatures were responsible for all of this....

My most recent battle was fought against a 2000 point Empire army. Now, I have few experiences against Empire, but none of them were pleasant. One 1500-point game saw me beaten after a horrific series of failed leadership tests, while a second battle, at 1000 points, saw me massacred by turn 3. This time, I hoped to do much better.

Our lists were as follows:


The Sacred Host of Ux-Mal:

Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, Enchanted Shield, Glyph Necklace, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Quetzl, Tepok and Tlazcotl- 273
Tezla-Kar (Scar-Veteran)- BSB, Sword of the Hornet, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl and Tepok- 178
Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls, Spawning of Quetzl- 155
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240
10 Skinks- blowpipes, Spawning of Quetzl - 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts, Spawning of Quetzl- 75
3 Kroxigor- 174
3 Terradons- 105
3 Salamander Hunting Packs- 195
Stegadon- 235


My usual 2k Sacred Host list, no frills whatsoever. (Except on my Skinks, that is).

And in the opposite corner, weighing in at 2000 points....

Imperial Colleges Expeditionary Force:

Balthasar Gelt
Captain- BSB, Sword of Might, Armour of Meteoric Iron
Warrior Priest- barded warhorse, Sword of Battle, Dawn Armour, shield
Battle Wizard- level 2, Rod of Power
25 Swordsmen- full command
-10 Free Company
25 Swordsmen- full command
-10 Free Company
5 Pistoliers- Outrider, musician
5 Outriders- musician
5 Knights- musician
5 Knights- musician
Great Cannon
Great Cannon

All in all, a very nice, balanced list capable of doing well in all phases of the game (as most Empire armies typically do). The presence of Gelt and a level 2 was a little worrying, though, as I had no idea whether or not I could handle a magic-heavy list. It seemed I was about to find out.


Our deployment looked like this:


I didn’t really go into the battle with much of a plan in mind, though. The general idea was for my Scouts to delay the cavalry on his right, my Sallies and Oldblood to kill the stuff on his left, and my Saurus to kill his infantry. Not much of a plan, and looking back, I really could have done better. My Saurus, for example could have done better closer together in a refused flank move. Oh well, you live and...well, live some more, I guess.

For spells, Tlacepotl rolled Dark Hand of Death and Steal Soul. The Empire player rolled Fiery Blast and...something else for his Battle Wizard, and Gelt automatically received every spell in the Lore of Metal.

Turn 1

The Empire player won the first turn, and proceeded to do...absolutely nothing!

(Insert obligatory “DUN DUN DUUUN” here)

Well, almost nothing. Although most of his army stood idly by, discussing the weather, the crop rotations and the bizarre political situation in Canada, Balthasar Gelt flew forwards, landing on the right flank a little ahead of my Skink screen. That was it: no other movement, no nothing. It quickly became apparent to me that my opponent was adopting the true gunline style of play.

The magic phase opened up with Gelt casting Spirit of the Forge on the leftmost Saurus, and, to my chagrin, getting Irresistable Force. Thankfully, the Empire player’s dice rolls were mediocre, and only 3 Saurus died. Skipping the rest of the magic phase, the Empire player moved straight on to his shooting. The only weapons of his that were in range were his cannons, and both of them targeted my poor Stegadon on the right flank. Despite my many silent invocations for the other player’s Cannons to fail, overshoot or misfire catastrophically, the Old Ones were clearly asleep, as none of the above happened. Although the leftmost Cannon fell short of the Steg, the rightmost one sent a shot right through the big lug that scored a massive 4 wounds on him! Suddenly, my Stegadon was sitting at 1 wound, and it wasn’t even my turn yet. As you can imagine, I was not happy.

In my turn, I advanced with everything, with the Terradons zooming up ahead of everyone else to hit the Helblaster next turn (or act as a fire magnet, whichever came first). My Oldblood zoomed over to the middle of the dune, ready to charge the leftmost Knights next turn, while the Salamanders followed next to him. In the right and centre, my Skink screens moved up, behind which moved my Saurus and Stegadon. And, finally, my Scouts cautiously edged up, making sure to stay out of the sight distance of the rightmost Knights and Pistoliers. If my Scouts could keep that cavalry from engaging my other stuff, then it would give me an excellent chance to deal with them (or at least delay them long enough for me to kill off his infantry).

The magic phase, sadly, was a no-go, as everything I had was dispelled. In the shooting phase, my blowpipe screen, who hadn’t marched, shot at Balthasar. It was then that I discovered that 3+ ward that Balthasar and his Pegasus got against shooting attacks, and almost everything bounced off harmlessly. One shot, however, did get through the ward save and wound Gelt’s Pegasus. The Skink crew of the Stegadon tried to add to the deluge of poisoned shots with their javelins, but found that they were out of range. It was then that I had noticed my blunder: I had neglected to march with the Stegadon so the Skinks could fire their javelins, and now my Steggie was sitting in the open waiting to be cannoned to death. Then again, he probably would have been shot at even if he had marched, anyway...


In the Empire turn, Balthasar, not quite liking all of the blowpipe-related attention he was getting, zoomed down the left flank. Aaand....once again that was it. The rest of the Empire army sat by idly picking their noses. Really, at this point, I had thought that at least the cavalry might bother moving, but it seems I was wrong.

In the magic phase, Balthasar cast Distillation of Molten Silver on the Kroxigor. Figuring that some more Spirit of the Forge was on its way, I let it go. As it turned out, this was a big mistake, as the ensuing 12 hits killed one Kroxigor and did 2 wounds to another. I sighed as I realized that my Krox were probably going to die in this battle, AGAIN. Next, he attempted to throw a Rule of Burning Iron at my distant BSB, but this time I was sensible enough to dispel it. The Bright Wizard then cast Fiery Blast at my Stegadon. Now, I can’t quite remember if I deliberately let it go, or failed to dispel it, or what, but it makes no difference at this point. The ensuing multiple hits not only finished off my wounded Steg, but killed one of the crew in the process. If that wasn’t annoying enough, Tlacepotl and his screen of blowpipers ahead of them panicked at the sight of my Stegadon getting char-broiled, and fled! Poor Mr. Steggy, burninated before you could see combat...

In the dreaded shooting phase, both Cannons opened up on both my Kroxigor and left Saurus, only to overshoot their marks, causing my Lizards to collectively sigh in relief. The Terradons had nothing to feel relieved about, though, as the Hellblaster cranked out three barrels worth of killyness at them. Although it misfired and couldn’t fire any more this turn, the previous two barrels of crank-shot were still enough to blow one Terradon out of the sky. The distant Outriders added their fire, killing another (big game hunting with automatic weapons...go figure), and finally, just to add insult to injury, Gelt, with a sneer of “Wanna see a magic trick?”, threw a knife that wounded the last Terradon. Miraculously enough, the last Terradon passed his panic test, in spite of the fact that he was flying above the charred remains of his comrade and slowly bleeding to death. Still, that one magic and shooting phase had left me with one unit dead and two other units badly mauled. I really, really needed to kill some stuff back.

In my turn, the last Terradon, determined to avenge his friends, charged headlong into Balthasar, and the two engaged in an aerial duel. Ara-kor, meanwhile, tried to charge the Priest-led Knights, but unfortunately, just barely fell short, leaving himself nice and exposed, either to Cannon fire or to a hatred-inspired Knight charge. Hoooh crap. Despite this, everything else continued to advance, with my Scouts leaving the forest, my Sallies moving into firing range, and my Priest and blowpipers rallying. Even the dejected crew of the Stegadon began running as fast as they could toward the rightmost cannon, while my depleted Kroxigor moved up for a next-turn charge either on the leftmost Cannon or on the Knights.

With no magic, I moved to my only shooting. For the first time in a long string of games, my Salamanders actually DIDN’T double or triple misfire. In fact, they didn’t roll a single misfire whatsoever, and it showed as they completely annihilated the Outriders, burning them up moustaches and all. In close combat, the lone Terradon fought bravely, scoring another wound on Gelt’s Pegasus. This only served to annoy the winged horsie, and it retaliated by brutally kicking my Terradon to death.

At the end of turn two, I was still in bad shape, and I could feel the pressure building. I needed to turn the game around somehow, and fast.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
09-12-2008, 01:49

Despite the fact that more than a few units were in charge range, absolutely nothing in the Empire army charged! The Warrior Priest and his Knights sat tight and discussed theology, though the Pistoliers did move up into charging and guffawing range of my Scouts (the nearby Knights didn’t move, staying in position to eventually counter my Saurus). As usual, the only movement came from Balthasar flying behind my battle-line, from where he could magic my Lizards to death and march-block them to his heart’s content. I was really getting annoyed by this Academy Award imitator...

The Empire magic phase however, was less potent than either the Empire player or I had expected. Balthasar once again got the show rolling with an irresistible Spirit of the Forge on the leftmost Saurus, but bad dice rolls meant that only one Saurus burned to death. Annoyed, Gelt tried to cast Distillation on my Javelins, but failed to cast it. Next, the Bright Wizard tried casting Fiery Blast the same Skinks, but I scrolled it. To top it all off, the Warrior Priest tried to pray for Unbending Righteousness, but Inscrutable Tepok deemed that the humans’ righteousness was actually quite bendable, and dispelled it.

The shooting phase was much more deadly. The leftmost Cannon fired its grapeshot into the Kroxigor (I hadn’t realized they were in range), but thankfully failed to hurt either of them. The Hellblaster picked up the slack, blowing the last two Krox to smithereens (and suffering a harmless misfire in the process). Thankfully, everyone around the recently-pasted Krox passed their panic tests. Gelt once again threw a knife, this time at the Saurus, but missed, and the Pistoliers found the Skinks to be extremely agile targets, felling only one with pistol fire.

Although I was annoyed at the loss of my Kroxigor, at least my expensive Oldblood hadn’t been cannoned to death. My turn began with the Oldblood charging the Knights, who held, my Stegadon’s former crew charging the right Canon crew, who also held, and my centre Javelins charging the Hellblaster crew, who fled and escaped. My blowpipers stayed where they were to maximize shots against Balthasar, and my right Saurus advanced upward, daring the Swordsmen and Knights to come towards them. My left Saurus were a little more apprehensive, however: with the loss of the Kroxigor, I had no supporting units for them, so they would be on their own against the Empire BSB, his Swordsmen and accompanying Free Company detachment. I was apprehensive to charge them only to get flanked and beaten, and so the Saurus instead advanced towards them, angling so that the Free Company couldn’t flank them. I just hoped that my Oldblood and Salamanders would clear up the left flank in time to help these Saurus out.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl managed to cast Dark Hand of Death on Balthasar. Once again, however, that accursed magical shield of his came into play, and the dark magic failed to hurt either him or his Pegasus. In the shooting phase, the blowpipers also tried to shoot down Balthasar, but again, did no damage whatsoever. On the left flank, however, things were looking brighter, as the Salamanders continued their arson spree by utterly burninating the left Cannon crew (and eating one of their handlers). On the right flank, my Scouts also did well, downing one of the Pistoliers with a javelin to the head.

In close combat, Ara-kor roared a challenge to the Warrior Priest. Putting his faith in Sigmar, the Priest accepted...and was hacked to pieces for his trouble. Even the fancy, shiny armour the Priest wore couldn’t save him (the Empire player muttered that he really should have given the Priest Van Horstmaan’s Speculum). The Knights, however, were well within range of the enemy BSB, so they stuck around.

On the right flank, though, the Stegadon crew did little more than slap ineffectually at the Cannon crew, who bludgeoned down one Skink in reply. Beaten, the Skinks turned and ran for it, leaving the Cannon still able to fire next turn. Drat.


Once again, there were absolutely zero charges: the Swordsmen continued to stare down the approaching Saurus on both flanks, refusing to so much as tap-dance. The Hellblaster crew rallied, and Gelt flew in front of Tezla-Kar’s unit of Saurus. Other than that, there was no movement. Again.

In the magic phase, I had the presence of mind to Scroll a Distillation of Molten Silver cast on my javelins. Gelt tried to follow up with another Spirit of the Forge on the already-damaged Saurus, but this time he failed to cast. The Bright Wizard must have been emulating Balthasar’s example a little too well, as he then failed to cast Fiery Blast.

In the shooting phase, though, things quickly took a turn for the worse. Although the Pistoliers failed to kill any Skinks whatsoever, his Cannon was another matter. The Empire player did a very accurate long-range guess at my leftmost Saurus, and the ensuing cannonball careened through the unit and squished four of my poor Lizards. Though I passed the panic test, this left my Saurus missing a rank bonus and woefully understrength. I suddenly realized that perhaps sending them up to challenge a full unit of ranked Swordsmen with a Hero and a supporting unit of Free Company was a bad idea.

Things only got worse in close combat. The Knights and their horses’ attacks bounced harmlessly off of Ara-kor’s tough hide, and in reply, he scored three wounds back on the Knights. To my horror, however, the Empire player managed to save two out of three wounds, and won combat thanks to his outnumbering and musician. At first, I thought nothing of this, since I was cold-blooded. One failed leadership test later, however, and I was forced to watch as my big, bad Oldblood ran screaming from the combat like a little girl, outrunning the pursuing Knights in the process. I felt really tempted to grab a blunt object and crush the dice then and there, but I kept my cool as much as I could. (Ie: not very well).

In my turn, Tezla-kar and his Saurus charge Balthasar, who fled and landed far at the back of the Empire lines. My Oldblood, thankfully, rallied, sparing me further embarrassment, though the last three members of my Stegadon crew simply kept on fleeing. My javelins moved up between the two Free Company units, spiking the abandoned Hellblaster, and my Scouts moved around the ineffectual Pistoliers as they headed towards the rightmost Cannon. Elsewhere, my leftmost Saurus edged up a little more, angling itself to take on both the Swordsmen and the Free Company. At the time, I was figuring that, somehow, they would hold and my Oldblood and Sallies would then arrive to hit the Swordsmen in the flank. It was only in retrospect that I realized that that plan probably woudn’t work.

In the magic phase, Dark Hand of Death on the right Cannon was, typically, dispelled. In the shooting phase, though, things were looking up for me. The Javelins wiped out the fleeing Hellblaster crew, and the Scouts managed to kill two more Pistoliers. The last two young noblemen s*** themselves, and fled off the board. Go me! As a finale, the Salamanders then unloaded their flames onto the leftmost Knights, eating one Skink and burninating two Knights. Annoyingly, however, the knights passed their panic test.


This turn, I nearly had a heart attack, as this turn, the Empire struck back. The BSB-led Swordsmen and Free Company both charged into the front of my depleted Saurus, and, being the ***** that I am, I held, only realizing an exact minute later that I really, really should have fled with them instead. The last two Knights tried to charge the Salamanders, but they realized how scary fire-breathing dinosaurs truly are, and didn’t budge. Oh yes, and in other news, Balthasar Gelt rallied.

In the magic phase, Gelt once again turned his fell, alchemical magicks upon my Lizardmen. Distillation of Molten Silver went off, beating my dispel roll and turning four of my Javelins into nice, shiny statues. The Bright Wizard, meanwhile, attempted a Fiery Blast, but I thankfully managed to dispel it. Shooting, meanwhile, was a lot less impressive, as the Cannon’s crew, a little over-enthusiastic after all of their previous success, loaded their gun with too much powder and wound up clogging it. So, no Cannon-related casualties for me this turn.

In close combat, I challenged with my unit champion, which was accepted by the Empire BSB. The Captain of the Empire swung his magic sword in a great, majestic arc at my Champion...and completely failed to wound. My Saurus Champion was too busy laughing to land a solid hit in return, and the duel was a stalemate. The Empire soldiers didn’t fare any better, with the blows of the Swordsmen and Free Company bouncing feebly off of my nice 3+ armour save. The Saurus, however, then suffered from a bout of incompetence of their own, and failed to kill anything aside from a single, slightly inebriated Free Company guy. As we tallied the score, we found that the Empire had won by a whopping four points thanks to ranks, outnumbering and the Battle Standard. My Saurus broke, ran, and were cut down by the victorious Swordsmen, leaving me to slap my forehead in exasperation.

In my turn, my Javelins, conveniently enough, now had line of sight to Gelt after killing off the Hellblaster crew. Not one to let such an opportunity go by, I charged him, and since Gelt was sitting right by the upper board edge, he had no choice but to hold. My Scouts, meanwhile, took advantage of the misfire to charge the rightmost Cannon crew, who fled and barely escaped. The failed pursuit move of the Skinks took them right on top of the Cannon, which they all too happily spiked. My BSB’s Saurus once again angled to meet both the right-flank Swordsmen and Knights, my blowpipers and Salamanders edged towards the leftmost Swordsmen and Ara-kor zoomed up so that he was sitting right in front of the last two Knights on the left, denying them another potential charge on my Salamanders.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl cast Dark Hand of Death on the Swordsmen, which was once again dispelled. Undaunted, he then cast Steal Soul on the BSB. To my joy, the Empire player failed his dispel roll, and the brave Captain took a wound as some of his soul (the less useful bit) was devoured. In the shooting phase, the Salamanders burninated six Swordsmen, while the blowpipers gunned down three more. Despite these losses, the Swordsmen passed their panic test.

In close combat, my Skinks cornered Gelt and managed to knife off the final wound on his Pegasus, leaving him on foot. In reply, Gelt, understandably disconcerted, failed to hurt any Skinks in return, though he passed his leadership test and fought on.


With the Empire now taking serious casualties and Balthasar now in combat, things hung on a precarious balance. On the right flank, the Swordsmen and Knights charged Tezla-Kar and his Saurus, and, confident in my Scar-Veteran’s killyness, I held. The Free Company would have joined in on that little scrum, were it not for the fact that they were a few inches out of range. The Cannon crew rallied, and the other Swordsmen about-faced to face the Salamanders, though I failed to see what good that would do on the last turn of the game. In keeping with Imperial tradition, however, nothing else moved, not even the lone two Empire Knights who were staring down Ara-kor on the left flank.

Because both Empire mages were in combat, and because the Cannon crew was now separated from their Cannon (a state of affairs that suited me just fine), we simply skipped straight to the combat phase. As the Empire troops charged in, Tezla-Kar struck out with his Sword of the Hornet, scoring three hits...and proceeded to roll a whole slew of ones to wound. Even more embarrassingly, the lone wound he inflicted THEN bounced right off of a Swordsman’s shield! In reply, the Knights killed two Saurus, and the Swordsmen did nothing. My Saurus struck back...and in a complete emulation of Tezla-Kar, scored only one wound, which also bounced off the enemy’s armour save!

The dice, however, were not yet done in causing me a seizure, as my Saurus then failed both of their consecutive leadership tests. At that point, I believe I emphatically said something equivalent to “This is oxdung.” I thought it was over, then and there, and was about ready to give the game to the Empire player, when my Saurus, both to my surprise and my opponent’s, managed to outrun both the Swordsmen and the Knights! In retrospect, maybe I should have been embarrassed that my Saurus were clearly better at fleeing than at fighting. Either way, I had just lost 200 points of banners to the enemy, and I was really, really resisting the urge to smash my dice into powder with a really big hammer.

In the other combat, the Skinks tried to hurt Balthasar, but could do nothing to his shiny toughness 4 body. Gelt was too busy singing “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath to land any hits back, but the power of Ozzy was with Balthasar, and he held his ground.

In my turn, my Scouts once again charged the Cannon crew, who once again fled and escaped. Ara-kor, eager to redeem himself, charged the last two Knights, who held. I rolled a crucial rally test to save my Saurus and standard-less BSB. To my relief, the dice obeyed me this time, and the Saurus rallied, sparing me the embarrassment of having them fleeing at the end of the game. The only other movement was Tezla-Kar edging up a little to get into soul-stealing range of the Empire Captain once more.

In the magic phase, Tlacepotl once again cast Steal Soul on the Empire BSB. The Empire player responded by throwing down most of his dispel dice to counter it, but cruel Fate was bored with me and decided to pick on him, rewarding him with a double 1 in his dispel roll. With a Vadery cry of “Nooooooo!” the soul of the Empire Captain was wrenched from its mortal frame and dragged towards Tlacepotl, who all too happily ate it with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. (Thththththththth!)

As the Swordsmen nervously poked at their Captain and wondered why he was lying down, my Salamanders unleashed hellfire and burninated a none-too-impressive four of them (and ate three handlers in the bargain). The blowpipers added one more casualty to the mix. Between getting burninated, getting shot up with poison darts, and having their fearless leader take a nap in the middle of a battle, the brave men of the Empire had had enough, and they turned and legged it, awarding me some very nice last-turn points.

In close combat, Ara-kor squished the last two Knights, and, just to ensure they weren’t tricking him, squished them some more. The Skinks, meanwhile, once again failed to hurt Balthasar. This time, however, the Supreme Patriarch of the Colleges of Magic remembered which part of a knife is used for stabbing things, and he gutted one Skink in reply, drawing the combat and the game.

Balthasar cursed under his golden lips as the Skinks simply kept charging at him, hissing alien battle-cries as they lunged at him with obsinite speartips and knives. Ar-Khalest was alive in Balthasar’s hands as he slashed left and right, fending off the reptiles as they charged at him. One unlucky Skink had his throat sliced open by the golden blade, and crumpled to the side, blood pouring from its ruptured neck. The rest paid no heed, stabbing at Balthasar furiously. Were it not for his golden skin, he would be dead by now.

Still, he had not foreseen that the inhabitants of Lustria were involved. What were they doing in the Old World? Had they caused the explosion? And what did they want with the shard? He had seen them pry it off of Wilhelm’s dead body. What did it all mean?

The questions would have to wait for later. Muttering a word of power, Balthasar caused the knives and spears of the Skinks to crumble. With yet another word, he turned them all into glittering silver statues. It was not for nothing, after all, that he was the Supreme Patriarch of the Colleges. He turned, already seeing the remaining Imperial troops withdrawing in a disciplined fashion. The Lizardmen seemed to be doing the same. They had gotten what they had come for, he knew. Any other outcome made no difference to them.

Balthasar reached his mind out until he felt that of the Lizardmen’s Mage—another of their Skinks, not one of the fabled Slann Mage-Priests of Lustria. Tread carefully, he thought to it, hoping it would comprehend. We will meet again.

And with that, Balthasar turned and left the field, leaving the statues of the Skinks shining in his wake.


Lizardmen- 1246
Empire- 1054

Result: DRAW (AGAIN!)

Shards retrieved: 7

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
09-12-2008, 01:50
Thoughts: Okay, now that was close. By turn 5, I was convinced that I had lost the game when my BSB and Saurus broke. I was behind in points at that point, and I did not see a comeback for myself any time soon, especially with luck as horrendous as mine. My luck took a complete U-turn, however, when I not only killed the Empire BSB, but also sent the Swordsmen fleeing, finished off the Knights and chased off the Cannon crew. The fact that, a turn before, I had also managed to lock Gelt in close combat meant that I had turned the game around at the 11th hour. This now officially stands as one of my luckiest comebacks ever (though not quite as lucky as the Insane Courage roll that helped my win my last game against the Vampire Counts).

Looking back at this battle, I can’t really see what I could have done better. My Saurus were definitely misused in this game. In an ideal situation, I would have kept them together so that they could support each other in close combat. Instead, however, each unit went it’s separate way, which meant that both wound up getting trounced by Imperial combined arms. I really, really don’t know how or why I made such a massive brain fart. My Terradons dying by the second turn was also no big surprise, though they didn’t have that much terrain to hide behind. Again, I could have used them better, perhaps by deploying them behind the wood with the Scouts.

What really almost killed me in this battle, though, were my bouts of horrendous luck with my Saurus. I remain absolutely shocked at how badly they rolled in this battle, as two units of Saurus and a Scar-Veteran killed an impressive one Free Company guy between them. The inability of Tezla-Kar and his buddies to kill a single, squishy, T3 human almost rendered me comatose. By contrast, the Empire player’s luck was awesome at key moments, with his Cannons wreaking havoc on me when it counted. I did not expect my Stegadon to die by turn 2, though from what I hear, that is something it seems I should expect when facing Empire or Dwarf armies. That, and he had an annoying habit of making armour saves even with pretty bad modifiers.

In regards to the Empire player, I found out afterwards that he was a 40k convert, just like myself. This, in part, explains more than a few of the tactical errors I think he made in this battle. His cavalry could have been put to better use counter-attacking me from the get go. (Heck, I was genuinely surprised when his Pistoliers didn’t charge the Scouts sitting right next to them). I guess I can’t fault him, as a beginning player, and he did alright regardless. I, on the other hand, am discovering that, rather than my generalship and playing ability, I really need to improve my gaming attitude. More than once in this battle, I found myself becoming quite frustrated and irritable (understandable, really, given my luck). Not only did my frustration affect my playing (the early death of my Stegadon, I think, was partially responsible for the screw-up with my Saurus), but I think it also might have made me less of an enjoyable guy for my opponent to play against. As such, I need to learn to stay calm and composed in a game, and NOT go into a fit whenever my most prized unit dies or the dice decide they don’t like me.

Still, at least I got a Shard. Seven down, three to go...

MVP: The Skinks (no particular unit) rocked in this game. Aside from not dying for once, my Skink units killed off the Empire player’s artillery and Pistoliers, and one unit even managed to lock Balthasar in combat to prevent him from casting. Even my normally-dismissable Blowpipes did well in this game, helping to panic off the Swordsmen in the last two turns. The Salamanders, as usual, also get a nod, and Tlacepotl managed to snipe down the Empire BSB! This little guy is starting to show a creepy habit of eating peoples’ souls...

LVP: The Saurus, both my Warrior units and characters, stank in this game. I have never had worst bouts of luck with them in a single game, and their performance was more akin to that of Imperial Storm Troopers than that of pure-bred killing machines.

Opponent’s MVP: The rightmost Great Cannon made my life hell, almost killing my Stegadon on Turn 1, shaving off a rank of my Saurus on Turn 4, and even defending their Cannon from rabid Skinks on Turn 3. These guys were definitely the stars on the Empire side.

09-12-2008, 03:43
I must say, I love your sense of narrative. You really want to give your force character, and the interactions between characters is really something. Its the little touches like that which make this game so interesting. You are really putting in the effort with these posts. I must say, plain and simple, I wish the hobby had more players like you. Someone whos playing for the game, and as a part of the world. Keep up the fantastic work.

09-12-2008, 13:28
lousy gunlines. :(

14-12-2008, 15:53
I was really getting annoyed by this Academy Award imitator...

Very good sir...lol

Again 2 excellent BR's, what a great Xmas treat, keep up the good work and remember never ever give up, even when the Dice gods are peeing all over you...

08-01-2009, 00:46

I am really interested to hear what you have to say on the new Lizardmen book, and how it might affect your army. Of course, it's hard to really get in depth with it until you have the book in your hands, of course....

Let's check out your most recent list... Pity about the Sacred Hosts, though...

Ara-kor (Oldblood)- great weapon, light armour, Enchanted Shield, Glyph Necklace, Charm of the Jaguar Warrior, Spawnings of Quetzl, Tepok and Tlazcotl- 273

Spawnings are gone, and the Charm of the Jaguar Warrior got worse... Unless you want to magic it up, you might want to go with the Magic Horned one, but then our friend Ara-kor can't join Skirmishers anymore... Sadly, you will have to teach an old lizard new tricks, I think!

Tezla-Kar (Scar-Veteran)- BSB, Sword of the Hornet, light armour, Spawnings of Quetzl and Tepok- 178

Minus the spawnings, he seems the same.

Tlacepotl the Wise (Skink Priest)- level 2, 2 dispel scrolls, Spawning of Quetzl- 155

Same here...but Tlacepotl totally deserves an Engine of the Gods for all his hard work!

15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240

15 Saurus- full command, Spawning of Quetzl- 240

You now have the same units for 120 points less! Enough for a 3rd rank on both, plus give one of them spears (preferably the one with Tezla-Kar in it!), or use it...

10 Skinks- blowpipes, Spawning of Quetzl - 65
10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Spawning of Quetzl- 65

10 Skinks- javelins, shields, Scouts, Spawning of Quetzl- 75

...to pay for the bump in your Skink units :( Your Quetzl is gone, and so are your Scouts, and you pay an extra 25 points for all of that! (10 extra for the blowpipes, + 20 for the normal javelins + 10 for the ex-scout javelins, - 15 for the three Quetzl marks...) +1 leadership is going to be great though....

3 Kroxigor- 174

Oh wait, you just saved it again! -30 points for this unit means you break even again. But these fellows aren't can openers anymore...

3 Terradons- 105

And here's another 15 points for you! You got some rocks, (d3 S4 impact hits) and you can do some Return of the Jedi speeder biking through the woods (counts as open terrain). Not to mention you can use Feigned Flight and are US2 now. Too bad you are T2 and down to 1 S3 and 1 S4 attack per Terradon :( I am really up in the air about these right now, I don't know what I am going to do with them...

3 Salamander Hunting Packs- 195

+30 points here, sorry. However, you can kill some Knights and panic some dudes with them now. I think it is worth it!

Stegadon- 235

Maybe bring Kaxxan back with a brand new lance?

Anyways, I don't want to hijack your thread, and I understand if you want to own the new book before making decisions, but do you have any thoughts on what's going to happen to the (slightly less Sacred) Host of Ux-Mal?

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
09-01-2009, 01:04
No need to worry about hijacking my thread at all, CragSpyder. If anything, I'm glad you brought it back to the main page. :D But as for how I'm going to adapt my army to the new book, well...I'm witholding my judgement until I actually get the book.

I will say this, though. Some of what I've heard about the new book excites me (better Saurus, Skink infantry regiments, Engine of the Gods), and some of it disappoints me (price hikes/nerfed rules), so it sounds like its going to be a mixed bag. How drastically it changes my style of play remains to be seen.

Next: Rats, Ghouls, and fat people, oh my!

09-01-2009, 07:19
LoNC, great Batreps! Very amusing to read. Best of luck in your next battles!

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
16-01-2009, 12:49
Okay, for SOME reason, Warseer won't let me post my next 2 battles on here. Therefore, for the time being, here's a link to battles 19 and 20 on The Warhammer Forum:


18-01-2009, 23:50
How did your skinks have the lore of death in those games? Unless it's new, skinks are, I thought, limited to Heavens...

also, you mention a few times in your reports how only half your skirmishers have line of sight. was there intervening terrain? cause skirmishers are 360 arc...

Tough couple game, I was torn in that last one, because though i am a lizard player skaven are my core army. nice job though, always like the reports.

19-01-2009, 03:26
How did your skinks have the lore of death in those games? Unless it's new, skinks are, I thought, limited to Heavens...


LoNC uses different Sacred spawning list. :p

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
19-01-2009, 15:45
How did your skinks have the lore of death in those games? Unless it's new, skinks are, I thought, limited to Heavens...

also, you mention a few times in your reports how only half your skirmishers have line of sight. was there intervening terrain? cause skirmishers are 360 arc...

Tough couple game, I was torn in that last one, because though i am a lizard player skaven are my core army. nice job though, always like the reports.

As N810 said, I was using the Sacred Host of Quetzl rules. Which, incidentally, won't be around for much longer (but given the boosts to Saurus, that's not such a huge loss).

If I used the phrase "line of sight" at all, it either meant that half of the Skinks couldn't see the necessary 2" through the forest, or that only half of them were in range. Depends on the situation, really.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
24-01-2009, 17:51
The Obsidian Chamber, Ux-Mal:

Tekoxan, High Priest of the Council, was disturbed.

He had been in a trance for almost two whole weeks, and his fellow council-members were disturbed. Before this, the High Priest had begun to display erratic behaviour, unearthing ancient texts and glyphs dating back to the time of the Old Ones, and even visiting the venerated resting-place of Lord Xlantec. And then he had slipped into a dream-trance, dormant and still, for weeks on end. Tekoxan was the highest-ranking, oldest and wisest of the Skink Priests, so none doubted his actions or his power. But still...for him to be doing such a thing was unusual. Many of the Priests had begun to debate of what this could mean. Was the Curse beginning to affect Skinks as well? Or was some outside influence affecting the High Priest? Or perhaps this was somthing else? Perhaps he was looking for something that the rest of them finally hadn't tried looking for yet?

And then, finally, exactly two weeks after Tekoxan's trance had begun, the ancient Skink woke up and said the following:

"It is the beginning. It is the ending."

And with that, he died. And then the alarms had come, and the came frantic scouts rushing back, and the earth began to rumble as ancient magicks began to unravel...


Ostland, the Empire, Main Continent

Coincidentially, leagues across the World-Pond, Tlacepotl was in the middle of a trance as well. His sudden stillness had caused division among the commanders of the Warhost, obscured as it was deep in the Ostland woods. Some had advocated moving on, that they should remain mobile lest more enemies spot them. Others, however, had argued that Tlacepotl could be harmed if he was moved in his state, and besides which, his trance could be of some significance. Of this latter opinion, Ara-kor had been the most vocal.

"We cannot abandon him," he argued as they met around the tree that Tlacepotl rested against. "To leave him here would be to disgrace all of the service he has done Ux-Mal and our slumbering Lord. Would you simply leave him here to die after all that he has done for us?"

"None have striven harder in our quest than Tlacepotl," Ixcotl replied calmly. "No one can deny that it was he who led us to the shards time and time again. No one can deny that it was he who managed to bring us back together when we were scattered. But, Scar-Leader, you also cannot deny that it has been almost four days now since he fell into this trance. If we stay here any longer, we will be discovered."

"I fear I must agree with Ixcotl," Kaxaan said from where he stood, perched alertly on a low-hanging tree branch. "We are not safe here. The Ogres continue to pour in from the east, and my Scouts have seen more of those rat-creatures roaming these parts. Whats worse is that the mortal servants of the Xlanax will be coming in from the wastes soon. We may be swept aside by the oncoming tide if we do not move."

Tezla-Kar, still holding onto the Banner of Ux-Mal, as was his sacred duty, gave a low growl. "It still feels wrong," he said. "I feel as Ara-kor does. It does not feel proper to leave our own behind."

Ixcotl closed his eyes and nodded. "I feel as you do," he replied, "but we must consider all that is at stake. We cannot move Tlacepotl in the state he is in without potentially killing him. There may soon be foes surrounding us on all sides, and above all, we have the quest to consider. The shard-signiature that Tlacepotl sensed may move soon, and if we do not act now, we may lose it forever. We must put the mission before our own lives." He turned and looked warily at Tlacepotl. "Besides which...this is not normal, Scar-Leader. Especially since we are so close to the Chaos Wastes." He looked back to the Scar-Leader. "I think we must consider the worst case scenario. We must consider the possibility that Tlacepotl is being possessed by a Xlan--"

A wordless growl from Ara-kor silenced Ixcotl. "Do not say it!" he snarled. "Do not mention that word, and do not consider for one moment that it is true!"

Tezla-Kar said nothing, though the scaly grip on the banner pole tightened, ever-so-slightly. Kaxaan was mute from his perch, his frills still and colourless. Ara-kor gave a low growl, and looked to Tlacepotl, questions and factors crisscrossing in his mind.

"The decision is yours, Scar-Leader," Tezla-Kar finally said. "What shall we do?"

Slowly, Ara-kor straightened up. "Ixcotl is correct," he said. "We must put the mission before all else. Prepare the warriors to move. We shall--"

At that moment, Tlacepotl's eyes suddenly opened. Kaxaan immediately jumped down from his perch, and ran to the Priest's side. "Councillor Tlacepotl!" he exclaimed. "You're awake!"

The two Saurus and Ixcotl moved in towards Tlacepotl, who looked up at all of them, a blank expression on his face. "Tlacpotl," Ixcotl asked, "what is it? What did you see?"

Tlacepotl continued to stare at them, unblinking. Ara-kor froze, remembering that expression...remembering the day they were scattered...

"That's not Tlacepotl," he said.

"What?" Ixcotl asked. "What do you mean that's not--"

"This is the end of things," Tlacepotl suddenly said, his voice sounding distant and faraway. "This is the beginning of things. One tale must end for another to begin."

The rest of the Lizardmen stared, in a mixture of surprise and shock, at the Skink Priest. Then, suddenly, Tlacepotl's head shook, and he blinked his eyes groggily.

"IX..Ixcotl?" he asked. "Kaxaan? Ara-kor? What are you all doing here? Where...."

Ixcotl's eyes were now wide. "Did you see?" he hissed. "Something else spoke through him!" He whirled around to Ara-kor. "Scar-Leader, he is possessed! We must--"

"ENOUGH!" Ara-kor snarled, causing Ixcotl to cringe. He turned back to Tlacepotl. "Tlacepotl...you have been in a trance for four days. What did you see?"

The Priest stared at Ara-kor, a hazy expression on his face. "I..." His hazy expression suddenly melted into one of horror. "We must return to Ux-Mal as soon as possible! I've seen it!"

"Seen it?" Ara-kor asked. "Tlacepotl, WHAT have you seen?"

"Danger!" Tlacepotl replied, scurrying back to his feet. "The Veiling...the Veiling is beginning to disappear!"

The words hit Ara-kor like a stone. The Veiling...that protective field that Lord Xlantec had thrown up, millennia ago, to save the city from the Xlanax. It was because of the Veiling that no Xlanax had touched the city for milennia, and it was because of the Veiling that no intruders had ever seen the city or sensed it through the winds of magic. And now it was disappearing...

"That is not all!" Tlacepotl exclaimed. "Armies are now flocking towards the city! Warmbloods, abominations, Xlanax...Ara-kor, our foes have found us, and they are preparing to destroy us once and for all!"

For a moment, Ara-kor was silent. Then, slowly, he stood, his great reptilian form huge and statuesque as he stood to his full height. The other Lizards, for a brief moment, were in awe of his commanding presence.

"Open the gates," he said. "We must return to protect the city."

Next: The Battle for Ux-Mal begins!

24-01-2009, 18:02
very well written intro LORD OF NONSENSICAL CRAP, I'm looking forward to this one (and how well you handle the new LM)

Lord of Nonsensical Crap
24-01-2009, 18:09
very well written intro Arquelon, I'm looking forward to this one (and how well you handle the new LM)


Aha...nonsense...that would imply that Arquelon-Veq and I are the same person, which is just a preposterous idea, hehehehehe....

(Frantically runs off to destroy the necessary evidence)

25-01-2009, 00:40
Good luck LoNC as a Lizardmen player myself i'm looking forward to how you use the new book.

25-01-2009, 10:09
ooops sorry, been reading to many batreps lately.... I'll now edit away any evidene considering this mistaken identity thingy ;)