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Sergeant Uriel Ventris
16-11-2007, 22:26
Hey guys, my gaming group has been writing up our battle reports as is we were our general. I just finished my first one from my orc big boss. Let me know what you think and if you have to be brutal, I'll take any and all criticisms. I'd especially like to hear from any UKer's, as my orc speaks with an attempted Estuary English accent.

"We came up on da 'umies outside da woods. A rock lobba, some 'umies wif bows an' some wif puny spears. Da only ones I wuz keen on were da shiny ones on dere horsies, dey's da only ones what would put up a good fight. Me boyz lined up, 'ungry fer blood. I gave da Waaagh! an' all da boyz started forward, an' da spidey gobbos even got a 'ead start ta show 'ow 'ard dey wuz. Da 'umies wuz all scared, an' 'ardly moved. Dey let loose wif dere rock lobba but me boyz didn't even blink as it smashed right behind 'em. Gork wuz wif us, alright! Da scrawny night gobbos on da squigs ran up an' wuz runnoff by da puny arrerz. We laughed, 'cause we knew dey would run at da first chance.

Dem spidey gobbos musta 'ad lightnin' fer chow dat mornin', dey wuz almost at da 'umies already! Da gobbo's ran dere squigs off da field, an' I made sure dey'd pay after we finished da 'umies. Da spideys crashed into da 'umies at da rock lobba and killed 'em all 'cept one bloke, an' 'e only stayed 'cause dere flag wuz near. Fat lot 'o good dat did 'im, da spideys chopped 'im up good! Da boyz on me left wuz crushed by da shiny 'umies an' dey ran off and wuz cut down by 'em. Da ovver 'umies charged right at us, and we wuz ready fer 'em! Some ov da boyz got crumped, but we wuz still itchin' fer more fightin'!

Dem 'umies ain't so tough after dey charge, and we made 'em wish dey was wif dere mummies! Dey don't know when to quit, so'z dey stayed around for more crumpin'. Da gobbos on dere spideys, wif nobody ta fight, gots ta fightin' wif demselves! Stupid gits. Den me Black Orc boyz finally gets to da fight and show dem 'umies what a good crumpin' is really about! Da 'umies an' dere boss all runnofft da field, tails between dere legs! We turned around to wait fer da ovver 'umies to come and wet our choppas.

While da spideys wuz fightin wif demselves, da 'umies started shootin' arrerz at 'em. Dat shook dem up but good, and da gobbos let dem arrer 'umies 'ave it. Da 'umies ran away from da spideys and da gobbo's wanted to chase 'em, but dere spideys wuz busy eatin' whut wuz left. Den dey turned to fight agin, an' da spideys finished 'em off. Da 'umies wif da puny spears came at us straight away, and we gave 'em a good choppin' fer dere trouble! Dey ran away, but we wuz right on dere 'eels. Da Black Orcs wuz holdin' dere own, but den dey wuz all run tru by da shiny 'umies, and whut wuz left got trampled by dere horsies. Me and me boyz turned to face da ovver 'umies.

'Hur hur hur... its time for summore crumpin', boyz! WAAAGH!!!' "

Thanks for reading, and for your help!