View Full Version : Frustrated <-.->;

21-12-2007, 02:55
Alright, first things first... I'm going to try to avoid getting all emo over this <x.x>;

Second thing... and the point of this thread...

WTF is wrong with me? >.<;;

Ok, let me explain:

I have 2000pts of Hordes of Chaos; I only need one character model and the army will be done but for a little painting. I also have 750pts of Blood Angels half painted, and I could easily have the painting finished on them by Christmas if I were motivated.

The problem?

I've noted before - I'm a bit agoraphobic. I'm not the "omg I can't go outside!!!" freaked out type of person; but I don't deny I prefer not going places; and meeting new people scares the everloving crap out of me.

So here I am; sitting with 2 Warhammer armies I spent a good deal of birthday and work money on... and I've only gotten to play a single game of 40k; ever, because I'm too nervous to call the nearest game store and see about getting in some introductory games.

I'm not precisely sure what's compelling me to post this here precisely; but seriously <x.x> this does not make ANY sense! I got into Warhammer for a lot of reasons - I love the background of both games; love the minis, modeling and painting are a huge amount of fun for me - and on a side note, I really wanted to get myself out and around people again. Maybe even make a few friends.

Instead, nearly a year from my first mini purchase; I'm still too nervous to go out there and DO something with it all.

I have tons of lame excuses I keep using with myself too; stuff like "Well... but I don't have the rule book" (I've been borrowing a friends) - for an introductory game though, logically, I don't think that would be a HUGE barrier to overcome right?

Then there's the lack of movement trays - ok but logically those aren't THAT hard to make.

Well the army isn't totally painted yet - again logic says "And a lot of other people's army's aren't either... what's your point?"

I'm just frustrated with myself. It doesn't make one bit of sense honestly. Its kind of like that feeling you got as a little kid when you thought something REALLY scary was in the closet, and you can't make yourself move for anything... all logic tells you sitting still is a BAD thing; but you can't move.

<-.->; This is... a problem. I thought I was nearly over it a month ago when I got some information on which store to call, and even got invited there by someone here on Warseer... and I even had a short thread in Fantasy General where I got some advice on what to do...

But no... I'm still stuck in my freaking basement.

Anyone else ever have to literally pry themselves out of their basement just so you could get back to being a person again? <x.x>;

21-12-2007, 04:05
I don't think I ever had anything like that but I did skip out on my local GW for 3 months after promising them I'd join them for a game. So I was afraid to go back. I just sucked it up and came back and they all greeted me and wondered what happened.

Remember in the end Redshirts are paid to be nice to you, otherwise it's lost money. :D

21-12-2007, 04:18
Never run into that.

Finding *time* to squeeze it all in (building, painting, gaming) is my issue.

How about having the person who invited you to the store over to *your* place for a couple of quick games (get bigger over time), *then* meet them at the store for progressively bigger (thus longer) games, then go from there? Build in small steps. Humans work well when moving from one small success to another, rather than taking huge steps...

Nephilim of Sin
21-12-2007, 05:09
Um, well, I am the same way. I have had a few people on here inquire about a game, and although I want to, I just haven't. I have seriously been going through something similar for quite a few months now (and it took everything I could to try and make a painting blog). I have armies that are unpainted, but, as you said, I have been lacking motivation. Starlight's advice is great, though.

From a personal point a view, I honestly think for me I am really worried about being embarassed. Seriously, as dumb as it sounds. And that is a horrid reason for me not to enjoy myself. I mean, what if my army comp. is horrid (cheese), or perhaps my paint-job is crap. Especially when on the forum we read things such as "They did what?", "How can they not know the rules after....", or "if they are going to play, they could at least paint!". Things of that nature make if much more of a reality. I cannot believe that I have become this self-conscious.

Not only that, but there is the 'fear of the unknown'. There are many variables, many factors that come into play and can haunt our psyche, which is coupled with what I said above. I hate meeting new people (What are you going to talk about?). Going to unfamiliar places with lots of people can make my skin crawl. Very uncomfortable. I am the type that is very quiet in unknown situations, less so if I am with someone I know, but still quiet. Until I get my bearrings, I remain that way. I use the term 'Observe'. I like to 'read' a situation, take down all the details and vairables, and then make an action (yet I lose at Warhammer?). Hey, I have lurked on and off since Portent, yet only joined two months ago. People think I am reserved until the get to know me. The truth is, I have to get to know them. Then I 'come out of my shell', and am usually the most out-spoken person. That, or if there is alcohal involved :D. Or, if I get mad. Of course, I am a Virgo, so that is my nature :wtf:....

So, I hope you do not think I am thread-jacking, I was just wanting to let you know that, no, you are not alone. Even if the reasons are different, there are a lot of people that simply have some hidden worry, fear, or lack of motivation. For me, the answer simply is that I have to go out and just do it, and damn the consequences. Someday that will happen, but don't be like me, with a game store right down the street, and never get to enjoy it. Find a way to enjoy your hobby.

The fact that it is getting to you shows that you have the desire to do it. Your stuff is not crap. An army book is $20, or you can find one used (That is one thing you really should get, btw). Movement trays can be made of cereal boxes or cd cases, or the modular ones GW makes. If people complain that you army is not all the way painted, then don't play them. Play with people who are at or near the level you are, who are trying to enjoy the game. Maybe then you can get a painting group together, which will give you more motivation!

EDIT: Also, work stress, school stress, relationship stress- everything that should make you want to go out and enjoy yourself, clear your head, and escape from it all- can actually just make you want to sit around at the house. If things are wearing away at you, it just saps your energy and your willpower.

21-12-2007, 05:40
Not thread jacking at all >.< you summed up my own feelings better than I did frankly.

I've had that same worry, about silly things, like potential "cheese" calls (my list is Chaos Warrior heavy, and while I know the interwebs say Chaos Warriors aren't good at all... their stats are high, and the interweb can be notoriously misleading... then there's all my Tzeentch Magic too... >.<)

Just one of a million things really.

21-12-2007, 05:54
There pretty much *isn't* a list that *someone* won't call cheesy, etc...

Accept that you *may* run into petty people who can only feel good if they're putting others down. Accept this and get on with your life. :) No self respecting gamer cares about so-called cheesy armies as they know that there are only cheesy gamers. :p

Time to stop letting the opinions of others rule your life and start letting *your* opinion of yourself take charge. :) Look them square in the eye, shrug and say *You want to game or not?*


PS: My painting sucks, so I guarantee that yours is better than mine...anyone who calls you down, send them to me...

21-12-2007, 07:32
I can empathise very much with what you are feelings. I am fortunate enough to have a group of friends that I play with regularly, but I don't go to stores or tourneys (too many annoying gits!). Do you have any personal friends that play the games? If so, you have opponents right there. Get them to go with you to break the ice. If not, try contacting a club in the area. You can do it by email (low pressure approach). In my experience, clubs always welcome new people into the fold, even if there are bound to be a couple of knobs (as opposed to nobs) among them. If you've gone to the effort of building and painting your armies, you can definitely go and have a game. I know from experience that it is hard to make yourself do it at first, but it really does become easier once you've done it the first time. You just have to get over the psychological 'hump' of dealing with people and situations you aren't familiar with. Once you get there, and find that you are surrounded by fellow gamers, you will feel much more at home.

There's no easy way to get over the initial hurdle other than to just grit your teeth and do it. All I can say is that it will be totally worth it when you do, and you will be glad you did. Best of luck!

Blagrot Squigbreff
21-12-2007, 09:20
I know a bit of how you feel, I tend to get panic attacks in crowds, I like my open space around me. While you are giving valid reasons I never ran out of reasons to avoid exposing myself to large groups and I got annoyed enough at myself to just go. It was on a complete whim but it was a good decision, since then I tend to rely on a couple of breathing exercises to keep me calm but I think sometimes it's just the ritual of doing them that helps.

It might be more sensible to wait until you can take a friend but if not then just remember why you're getting so frustrated and force yourself - it worked for me even if a shrink would probably tell you it's the wrong way.

Best of luck.

21-12-2007, 11:14
I'm afraid i don't have any advice, just my own experiences.

I wouldn't call it a phobia as such but i have a similar nervousness playing at my local, Warhammer World (or maybe it's laziness, i've no idea!). Since my friends dropped out of the hobby a few years ago i don't know anyone in the hobby and get no practice so my tactics are, frankly, crap. As a result i get slaughtered in almost every game.

I often think that if i went to the gaming night either people would ridicule my army choices ("you're taking what? Why the hell are you doing that?"), my painting or my gaming skills (at Carnage this year a shocked fellow player asked "you're playing vampires? How the hell are you coming last?"), or i'd just end up being really quiet and not talking to anyone, and everyone would just find me boring.

Maybe my perfectionist methods are subconsciously a screen to stop me going (i've recently finally finished my only ever 2000pt army, only to decide i'm unhappy with bits of it and sell them off to start over).

I'm determined that this is my year to start going and make new friends in the hobby. The first step was going to Carnage, which i thoroughly enjoyed and met some sterling individuals.

21-12-2007, 15:18
As someone who once ran the League at my local store for a number of years...

Just happen to go into the store on a day that they have league. Don't bring your army in, just go in. Hang around in the miniatures section of the store... wander over to the games being played and you might be surprised who might talk to you. If they have someone who really enjoys the game running the league, they will most likely talk to you about what systems/armies you play. You will probably get an invite to come to the next league meeting from this.

I would try to do this. If there was someone hanging around and looked like they wanted to talk or watch, I would certainly acknowledge them being there and try to talk to them about it. Often they would show up the next week, then it was up to everyone else to try and get them to come the next week by making it fun for them.

If you are new to the hobby, and you haven't had too many games, it doesn't matter how much cheese that is in your army, you might not win you first few games. I did not win a single game for about 3 years... that is right... not one game... but I would win best painted at every tournament! It wasn't until I started to run league that my playing improved...

I will finish my ramble with this:

You are only stopping yourself. By admitting you have a problem you have taken the first step making yourself better. Now I ask you to please, over this holiday season, give yourself the best present by going to your local store and asking for a game. You deserve this because the time and money you have already invested in this great hobby.

Have a great Christmas!

21-12-2007, 17:11
Each time I find a new shop that I might be interested in playing at, I scout it out first. You can go in "just to look around" and ask questions about what nights they play what, what armies people usually play ect ect, blah blah. I am only half trying trying to find these things out. The other half of what I am doing is seeing how the storeowners treat me and others in the store. I am also watching the other people around to see how they act, I am watching them play thier games and so forth. These all help me decide on if I want to come back to play later or not.
This can help you to alleviate the "scared to play somewhere new" syndrome as when you go in, it wont be new, you will have already met the people.
Another thing you might try has already been suggested, YOU host the games for a while and after that, maybe see if your opponant will host as well. That way, you can avoid the stores altogether.
A third thing to try is to have the gamers (the one from Warseer for example) pick you up. Offer some petrol money or something. If they are at your home picking you up, you are less likely to back out.
This brings up the "buddy systom". If you have a friend with you, you will have "support" to help you get along.
Regardless, you need to get out there SOMEHOW to make use of the stuff you sank so much cash into.
Not to be nosey, but are you in school? University? If so, they will most likely have free counseling services that you can use to help you get over this. If not, try togetahold of someone you know who has a degree in the field who you can speak with about it. If all else fails and you are "rich", go speak with a therapist or something to see if they can help you. I say this because this behavior can only get worse and worse as time goes on until you might be afraid to go grocery shopping or anything like that that you need to do to get along in today's society.
Good Luck. :)

21-12-2007, 22:37
Hehe, well, I'm not rich; (actually quite the opposite) BUT I do have a therapist thanks to my dad's insurance. This is probably the lowest priority of my issues to deal with with her though <x.x> (Long story I won't bore you all with hehe)

Suffice to say... lots of good advice here. I may just try this "scout it out first" thing. Maybe leave the army in the car so if I get more confident while I'm there I can play.

One of my biggest excuses is that my "local" store(s) are all 1 hour a way in any given direction. They're also all indie stores, which isn't a bad thing; but it adds a layer of "What kind of games are they cool with? Would a Warhammer nerd be unwelcome?"

Course really its all excuses; in the end you're right, I've got to make myself knuckle down and do this >.<;

Maybe if I just set myself a date that I *have* to go on >.<;;

21-12-2007, 22:53
Making committments to others is one of the fundamental steps of success for *all* of us. :) Following through on that public affirmation is what separates the successful from the dreamers. :)

Set a date and show up. :)

21-12-2007, 23:03
Well, I have to say I feel obliged to post here and try to help you out, so here goes, my humble tuppence-

I have in the past suffered severely with anxiety (among depression, paranoia, insomnia, so on...), which lead to agrophobia in itself.

It a bloody pain in the ass isnt it!?! Luckily, I was already a regular at my store by this time, so going there was no problem, but getting there, and doing anything else outside was the problem. even leaving the store for lunch was terrifying at times (illogical, but then again, mental issues/phobias are).

For me it has basically been a case of just gradually getting used to things, then moving onto the next. Despite having lived in bath for 13 years now, I still only know small pockets of the city well, and as such getting out and about was particularly challenging.

Begin small. I started grabbing my food from the local papershop up the road (nothing substantial, but it was something), then I worked my way outwards around the city. Over the course of the past 3-ish years I have become more confident around town, and going places, although i am still generaly uncomfortable on my own, especially when going to entirely new places. As such, college was hell for me :P

Maybe consider getting together with a friend, or even sibling (whether they have an interest or not), and going, say, once a week/fortnight, untill you get used to the regulars, staff, and overall atmosphere. when you know others that go there, you will have some security in the fact you know where you stand with them, and that you can go into the store and almost fit in. After a while, you will yourself be a regular, with respect from others, and this wil make you feel better still.

Try not to worry what others will be playing. More experienced gamers will probebly be playing more diverse games, but I imagine there will be at least one other playing warhammer, as it is a very common game, and if not, hell, just watch over others games, try not to interrupt them much, and just be friendly. It might be a challenge, but getting to know people, and making a good impression to them is always good.

Eek... massive so far...

Well, basically, i would suggest you plan of action to be-

-Pop into the store one weekend with a sibling/friend, or even a parent, just watch games being played, and make conversation. maybe buy something (dont feel obliged to though. only if you so wish). Maybe suggest when you will be down next, and see if anyone wants a friendly game
-Go back the next week, or some other later date (not too late though), and maybe bring an army down, and again, watch over games, and maybe join in if anything is being run at the time. Also, maybe get used to the surrounding area. means that you know where to go to eat lunch, and thus gives the oppertunity to go in and game all sday sometimes, if you so please.
-Continue showing your face, and get to know the staff/regular customers. they will accept you eventually. play the odd game, or masses of games if you feel ready, and just make nice with the people...

Anyway, I hope thats a help, and not just a tired rambling from me...
Oh, and if you aquire a non-insulting nickname, thats a good sign. regulars (at least in my store) tend to aquire them (I.E, I am Nurgleboy, there is an 'Irish', a 'Hats', a 'little dan', and a 'chip' amongst others.)

Anyway, goodnight, and good luck...

Now... back to building that Cutta...

21-12-2007, 23:55
Reminds me of when I moved to a new town 12 years ago. I knew no one and I started acting like you, always finding excuses to stay at home. One day I decided to just go out and try to talk with as much people as I could. Well, nothing bad happened to me, I just made some friends. I know how hard it is to get over the fear and nervousness, but really if you take the plunge you will see that there is nothing to be scared about.

22-12-2007, 01:41
While for me it's not really a phobia, but I am something of a homebody. I too prefer staying in my own home then going out. It's where I'm most comfortable. For me, I just have my friends over to play(few as there are). I've got a couple of armies, the game room in the basement, terrain a-plenty, all that jazz. I've never been to a Games-Workshop store to play, to be honest. When I'm most desperate to play, my wife will pity me and play a game. 2'000 pts of Chaos you have, try 1'000 pts a side with family even. Maybe start with having friends over at your place, if possible. You said your friend lent you his rulebook, have him over. Does he have friends who play? Slowly bring them over and eventually work up to going to their places to play? Like I said, I don't have much experience with this myself, but I feel for you and would love to see you out there playing this great game. I'm a terrible player and nobody has ever made me feel bad about it.

If ever I'm in Central Illinois, I'd love to watch my High Elves die upon the blades of your Hordes of Chaos.

22-12-2007, 02:59
Well, as the stores are a distance away, call first and ask times and scheduals. See if they have a website with a schedual or better yet a forum. That makes setting up "the scout" easier so you have better chances of seeing them at thier best/worst while your there.

22-12-2007, 05:48
If you know anyone with manly girth you could ask them to carry you to the game shop - you can't really avoid it if a 6'10" 300 pound hunk o man meat rocks up on your doorstep tosses you over their shoulder and says "we goin' play us a game BOI!" :D

Of course that might not help your phobia of large muscly men (which you will have after the previous experience)....

The only way I've found to get over hang ups is to force my self to do them - otherwise I end up running away for far too long and then it becomes easier to run.

Certainly it's easier if the decision is taken out of your hands (as per operation man meat above) thus the hard part is over, now you've just got to play the game when you get there (assuming you haven't suffocated in manmeat's overpowering machismo).

So maybe the above advice wasn't entirely helpful... my point is sometimes you've just got to plow through things (as hard as that may be) otherwise you end up running for too long and forget how to stop.


22-12-2007, 06:25
Hellebore you just made me laugh so hard my side hurts lol <x,x> The image that put in my head... lol too funny! Much appreciated <,<

And yeah; this is just gonna be one of those things where I've got to make myself do it, no matter what. Which means tonight I need to finish my darn Chaos Knights! (They've been sitting half finished for a week!)

When do you suppose is a reasonable time to call a store? Like, on average, when's the least busy, but still open, time for a game shop do you think? I figure if I can call like some have suggested, that might help >.< especially if I promise someone I'm going to be somewhere.

(If there's one thing I'm loathe to do, it's break a promise, even to a stranger)

22-12-2007, 06:38
Call a few minutes after they open. Least likely to be busy then. :)

23-12-2007, 13:02
Ok, I'm gonna trow myself on the "yer-not-alone-my-friend" bandwagon.

Gonna keep this short; been severely depressed since age 14, at 19 that's five years in total now. Gone through diffent periods of general nastiness, social angsiety, paranoia etc. Basically I dropped out of school at 17 because sitting in the classroom invariably resulted in panic attacks. Kinda isolated myself for a period, never left the house save for the weekly trip to my shrink. Of course my mother had to drive me because I refused to take the buss because "people were staring at me". Always kept the curtains shut (ok, I still do that) because when I got stressed I was convinced that the CIA were spying/sniping on me. In saner moments I knew they weren't, but I couldn't stop the thoughts when they came. Going out in public wasn't an option.

I got a bit better though, relaxed even. Taking the train down to the capital to visit GW for the first time in years was a grand victory for me. It was a nightmare, sooo many people... everywhere. I'm not a gamer, but I read every piece of Warhammer/40k fluff I can get my hands on. So I picked up all the 'dexes and army books pluss asorted BL background books I'd missed. On my second or third trip one of the staffers gave me a BL novel free of charge (Deaths Messenger), I swear that guy was psychic or something. One year and 70+ read BL novels later the monthly trip to GW to get all the newest BL novels is something I look foreward to.

Ok, that got kinda long after all. Just wanna say that stuff gets better, I'm finishing the last year of High School next term. I'm not cured or anything, but I get by.

Also I want to add my voice to the trial run recomendations. First through fifth time can be hell, but after a while I guarante you you'll enjoy it. It's the sweet taste of victory.

And seriousy... don't give a damn what people say or think of you. I make more enemies than friends everywhere I go, but I've found that it's the best way to find true friends. Be yourself, be kind to your friends and ruthless to your enemies.

And therapists, some people should never have been given a licence to help. First shrink I went to was convinced that if I'd only work harder with math in school I'd be much better off. I'm not sure how I took that piece of advice, but there was yelling involved. If you don't like your therapist ask if you can have another one. I don't know how it is in the US though. The Norwegian welfare state takes care of me.

I don't wanna tell you what to do, but I want you to know that you're not alone and that you'll always find likeminded people in the Hobby. Besides, we all take crap for being Warhammer Geeks from everyone else, we don't pick on each other for it.


EDIT: Oh crap... first post on page 2... was kinda hoping my post would get lost in the thread... and it needs smilies...