View Full Version : Ordo Xenos Report: Periplanetas

20-09-2005, 01:49
FILE TO: INQ/OS-4992532-XT

DIRECTED TO: Ordo Xenos Archivum loc. 5502491

COMMIT TO: Inquisition Investigation Record 019/3329

CROSSFILE REFERENCE TO: [Perplaneta Americana, Calabazas, Infestation]

TRANSMITTED: Davidius Nid, Inspector 3rd Class, Ordo Xenos

INPUT DATE: 9382735.M40

Thought for the Day: Know thine enemy, so that thee might destroy it utterly and without compassion.

My Lord, follows is the description and record of my contact with the Xenos species known as the Periplaneta Americana, more commonly known by the local Imperial habitants as the "Cock-roach."

This 'Roach may seem to be more of a nuisance than an outright threat, but hopefuly the following testimony will sway your opinion.

I first encountered the vile species in the great city of Kitc' Hen, on the Planet Calabazas in the Santa Clara system. They are mainly a nocturnal species, fearing the light of the Emperor's might, skulking in shadows, hiding in every nook and cranny. The local saying goes, "For every 'roach you see, there hides another ten." I find this to be true, and is most concerning to me. I had long suspected some sort of Xenos trickery and late one night I set my trap. They seem to favor the foodstuffs of the local inhabitants, and so I lay some out in an open area, to deprive them of their love of cover. After darkness fell, I did not have long to wait. After just a few minutes, I could hear their vile scuttling and chittering. Firing a mag-flare into the air, I illuminated the area, and was shocked to see nearly a dozen of the beasts. Covered in chitin, 6 legged, low to the ground, I immediately noted the vague Tyrannic similarities, for the thought of a Hive-Fleet attacking here would be most troubling.

They attempted to flee, but I managed to capture some of them with my pet attack Squig. Her small furry form pounced upon them and they put up little fight. Here are the interrogation records:

Investigator Nid: Speak, vile one, and tell me what you are doing in this fair place?

Periplaneta Americana: [Incoherent chittering]

IN: Let the record show that the creature apparently lacks the capability to communicate. Let the record also show that the cogitators were unable to come up with a translation. It is therefor my judgement that the beast lacks any value save be destroyed as quickly as possible.

[Log indicates 34.29 standard seconds pause]

IN: I am attempting to use the standard Bolt Gun upon the beast.

[Log indicates sound of bolter fire, three shots total with a two second pause between shots]

IN: Subject seems unusually resiliant to damage. I am going to use the Emperor's holy Flame to cleanse its taint.

[Log indicates 26.01 standard seconds pause]

[Log indicates sound of Igniting Promethium, probable source: Flamer]

IN: Let the record show that flame appears to work well upon the subject, as long as subject is held in the flame for at least 10 standard seconds.

Extract Ends

I am sending a stasis-sealed sample of the Xenos back to the Magos Biologis labs for further inspection.

Your Servant,
Davidius Nid

20-09-2005, 01:53
simply hilarious, simply hi-***********-larious

Jaq Draco
20-09-2005, 01:56
truly disturbing you are nid

Ass Goblin
20-09-2005, 03:03
Best little story ever!

New Cult King
20-09-2005, 03:25
Woo! The Nid is triumphant over the tiny little bugs!

You are now a man :D

20-09-2005, 03:27
Literally, stomping on them isn't usually enough to kill them. I take a lighter and burn them until they stop moving, then keep burning them for a good 5-10 seconds after that. I've seen them play dead after 5 seconds of flame, then run off when I stop.

I'm going to get a jar and collect maybe 30 of them, then squirt some of the liquid butane I have in there and BONFIRE them.

Skink Master
20-09-2005, 05:01
And when you do finally kill them by stomping on them then all that yellow goo comes out. Icky stuff.

Yes! Burn the critters I say!

Burn them! BURN THEM ALL!!!

Jaq Draco
20-09-2005, 05:18
i think we should introduce nid to the mukade

Rabid Bunny 666
20-09-2005, 09:08
go 'Nid!

so you did call the cat squig in the end then?

20-09-2005, 10:02
dont squigs eat cockroaches...

20-09-2005, 10:32
Relaease a Tarantula into your house. You'll be free of cockroaches in a couple of weeks.

EDIT: That's the spider, not the uber-lascannon on caterpiller tracks with chainsaws on the front. Although...

Freak Ona Leash
20-09-2005, 11:01
You could always take a cue from Squiggly and eat the Roaches Nid...

20-09-2005, 11:16
awesome work nid, burn the buggers

The boyz
20-09-2005, 11:20
Good work Nid05. Nothing beats burning bugs.