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TitusAndronicus
27-09-2005, 05:47
Folks, it's been a long time since I smiled. I'm working my ass off to keep moving, and take care of my family and my obligation to the world, but honestly, I'm feeling low as a snakes belly these days,and I could use some good news in my life.
So do me a favor. While you're out farting around on the net, dig up some good news and C&P it in here. No flames, no political discussions, no bickering. Just find me something good each day that I can smile over, even if it's just a little bit. Had a baby? Post it. Getting married? Post it. Share your life's little joys with me. Keep me treading water for a while. And maybe some other poor shmuck will see it and get something as well. :D

violenceha
27-09-2005, 06:04
i could post some tales of my filthy yet humours sexual adventures?

New Cult King
27-09-2005, 06:11
Well, when I sell my old motorcycle, I'm gonna buy a ring, and propose to my girlfriend :D She's never owned a diamond before, so I'm gonna get her the nicest ring I can possibly afford.

I also saw a lady fall down some stairs the other day. She slipped, went onto her bum, then rolled over so she was sliding down the stairs, feet first, on her belly, making this "Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh" noise. I was behind her as she went, so she was looking up at me as she slid... She dropped her handbag on the top step, so I grabbed it, and placed it next to her when I reached the bottom, but I had to keep walking otherwise I think I would have screamed with laughter right in her face. A few other people had gathered around her by that time, and she didn't hurt more than her pride, so I didn't feel too bad running away, but by jingo I had a good giggle about it for the next couple of days :D

violenceha
27-09-2005, 06:14
whew, i started laughing as soon as i read she fell, glad i'm not the only one

violenceha
27-09-2005, 06:20
how about this?
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40759
or this
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40762
though don't read some of the other stuff it won't help at all

TitusAndronicus
27-09-2005, 06:31
does the onion count? LoL

hairyman
27-09-2005, 09:16
The shop over the road from work has started selling a new kind of delicious apple danish thingy I can have for breakfast. This is very good news in the world of hairyman... :)

Verergoca
27-09-2005, 09:21
Beaver and Steve, absurd webcomic! All awe in its greatness! (www.beaverandsteve.com)

Mouldsta
27-09-2005, 09:27
Well I got a phonecall this morning telling me I had a new job, and it starts tommorow. Dunno if that's good news or not - but money is always good :D

Sai-Lauren
27-09-2005, 09:42
Try this then (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1514919.html?menu=news.quirkies.heartwarmers)

From Annanova, they have a list of quirky news stories, some odd, but this one should pick you up a bit.

Oh, and congratulations Mouldsta. :)

wazzdakka
27-09-2005, 09:45
Funny story time!

When I worked recycling bottles and cans and stuff, we had a ton of free time so we'd go through the plastic bottles and pull all the lids off, seeing how many instant-win caps we could find (you'd be amazed how many people get them and don't notice). I'd get four or five free 20-ounce pop bottles a day. After a while, we got even better - we'd take backpacks to work, fill them with cans when no one was paying attention to us, and take them home. Then we'd throw them in trash bags with our own cans, and when we had like a half-dozen full bags, take them to some other recycling center and get the nickel refund for them all. You'd make a good $10 for it.

violenceha
27-09-2005, 09:50
Funny story time!

When I worked recycling bottles and cans and stuff, we had a ton of free time so we'd go through the plastic bottles and pull all the lids off, seeing how many instant-win caps we could find (you'd be amazed how many people get them and don't notice). I'd get four or five free 20-ounce pop bottles a day. After a while, we got even better - we'd take backpacks to work, fill them with cans when no one was paying attention to us, and take them home. Then we'd throw them in trash bags with our own cans, and when we had like a half-dozen full bags, take them to some other recycling center and get the nickel refund for them all. You'd make a good $10 for it.
so, how many of the bottles were full of urine?

Sojourner
27-09-2005, 09:51
The council aren't digging up the road this morning. Neither is there a rubbish or recycling collection today. Nor, even, was there a heavy goods train deciding to stop right outside my house.

This means I get a lie-in. Woohoo.

Disposable Hero
27-09-2005, 15:14
Well, TA, my old comrade in arms, yesterday I finally had to appear before The Judge. Yes, caps are in order.

I worked my ass off the week before but starting on Friday I got into a nervous breakdown. Monday 13:30 hours was crunch-time and when I left at 15:30 hours, I was drained.
Good news is that my testimony came out good, the judge was laid back as a judge can be, and my gf was there with me all the way.
When I got home, my gnoblars were still on my desk, ready to get painted.
So, even when you feel low as a snake's balls, things will pick up.

Now go imagine all the Warseers singing you a song. A cheerfull song.
Butt naked.

Wiseman
27-09-2005, 15:22
saw a guy urinate on a fence, he didnt realise it was electric til to late, was quite funny, i laughed.

Disposable Hero
27-09-2005, 15:25
Oh, TA, this one you might appreciate.

I was on exercise once and we had to cross some electrical fence. I thought it would be kinda smart to hold it down with the handles on my rifle, you know?
They were made of metal and it zapped me to bits. Bastardtubbyfences here!

EVIL INC
27-09-2005, 16:31
Sorry to see your feeling down. (Yes I got into this thread late :rolleyes: )
Well, in case you havnt seen it yet... Good news thread (http://www.warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11039) . Hope things work out for you to where you smile a lil more. If it gets too bad, ask someone for the coffee pic. :eek:

tzeentchgiant
27-09-2005, 17:42
Well, there's no good news coming from me, but here's something I posted some time ago, you may like some of it's contents.


This (http://www.livejournal.com/community/m15m/2237.html) always makes me laugh.

Another couple of things, www.potterpuppetpals.com is good, and I was almost reduced to tears at this(link doesn't work, file removed), working on a bit of a theme as you can see.

Also try www.funnyjunk.com, www.milkandcookies.com (I especially recommend the unnecesary censorship stuff) and www.big-boys.com

Here's (http://www.eonline.com/Features/Features/Starwars99/Spoofs/) some star wars funny stuff
Here (http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=humor&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.storewars.org) is Store wars, more to come.

TG

I have more, but I can't find half the stuff.

And also, might as wll chuck in the llama (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php)
This (http://www.big-boys.com/articles/claystick.html) one in particular is brilliant for making me smile
I don't know if this is exactly appropriate, but more :wtf: value than anything more Harry (http://picapic.net/media/59PDV8R84Q8GV4)

Also, I feel I shouldn once again add my condolences, I hope things improve for you.

TG

starlight
27-09-2005, 17:48
Every day above ground is a good day. :D

C. Langana
27-09-2005, 18:18
Have a try of my favourite pick me up: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/195918 its old, but its certainly brings a smile to my face.

Wolf Scout Ewan
27-09-2005, 18:28
I have a funny story!!

Was in PC World with my dad... someone wanted a photo printer so we had our orders.

"Oooo! Navcom!" Ewan, goes to play with gadget

*ZAT* Gadget zaps ewan with static shock

"YOW!" Exclaims ewan REALLY LOUD, everyone in the store turns round to look.

Hehe

vforvenator
27-09-2005, 18:31
My uncle was once sharing a flat with his more-than-a-little spacey best friend, years ago (I'm not supposed to discuss this outside the family, so names are omitted on the off-chance somebody here knows who I'm talking about). One day his best friend started suffering from stomach pains and flatulence, and, too embarrassed to go to a doctor about it, took some pills advised to him by some guy he knew from the gym and stayed in watching 24 hr Rambo and Conan films (Sly and Arnie movies being a long-standing obsession of his) to convalesce.
They never did find out what the pills were, but they were apparently black and blue wavy S-shapes, and big, like ones you give animals.
A couple of days in, he's acting strangely - hardly speaking to my uncle and not coming out of his room for hours, but staying up late with the videos.
Almost a week in, my uncle gets up one morning to find him at the breakfast table drinking tea, wearing just a pair of underpants and a red dressing gown cord around his head.
Acting normally while assessing the situation, my uncle makes himself a cup of tea, and upon sitting down his friend jumps to his feet, picking up a big kitchen knife my uncle failed to notice beside his mug, and points it threateningly at chest level.
A silent pause as my uncles wondering what to do, when his friend pulls his cup over to his side of the table, dips two fingers in and wiped it across his face like war-paint. Then turns and silently marches into his room.
Nervously making toast a few minutes later, just cause he was hungry, my uncle hears shouts from the landing, and goes out to find his friend has the guy from upstairs who was on his way to work pinned against the wall, the knife to his throat, saying 'you want to win a war? You've got to become a war. I'll give you a war you'll never believe.'
My uncle shouts for him to calm down, and said 'at ease!' and his friend marched back into the flat, locking the door behind him. The other guy bolted before he could apologise to him.
Not opening the door until my uncle got back from work that evening, his friend spent the next few days in his room, and my uncle got the pills and flushed them. They didn't talk to each other for a while.
That story always make me laugh, but then I'm strange.

Sanjuro
27-09-2005, 22:29
Well, I have some exceptionally good news: Today, in fact just now, my mother called me up and said my sister and her Significant Other just went to the hospital. She is having a baby!

It wasn't due until about 3 weeks away, but when she went on a control yesterday they said there had been a slight miscalculation and she was going to have the baby very soon. Well what do you know - one day later, and the little guy/gal is knocking on the door!

There has been no word from my mom (who, as moms tend to do, acts as a liasons officer in events such as these) about how the baby is coming along, but it's probably going to be born some time tonight.

12 o' clock at night now, and I have class tomorrow, but I can't go to sleep - I am too excited about becoming an uncle! They don't know if it's a boy or a girl (I am betting it's a boy, but a girl is just as wonderful). Really, I can't wait til the little 'un grows comes, it's going to get pampered beyond reason, what with me just recently moving out and my sister and her husband building a house on the family ranch and therefore effectively moving back home. It's my parents' first grandchild too, so it's going to have two sets of parents! :)

My sister is thinking about naming the baby Alexander if it's a boy (after our grandfather) or Cornelia if it's a girl (just because it's a pretty name).

It's great, I am so happy for my sister and my brother-in-law. I think the baby is going to get to grow up in one of the best enviroments possible. Could y'all do me a favour though? Cross your fingers that the baby won't turn out allergic to horses! Noone in our family is allergic, but we have over 30 horses and some other various farm animals on the ranch, and both my dad and my brother-in-law work with horses. I hope the little 'un doesn't get allergic - he/she will be missing out on so much.

It's pretty amazing isn't it? I mean, a new human being, just now starting her life on this planet. That's really something.

Verergoca
27-09-2005, 22:50
Well, I have some exceptionally good news: Today, in fact just now, my mother called me up and said my sister and her Significant Other just went to the hospital. She is having a baby!

It wasn't due until about 3 weeks away, but when she went on a control yesterday they said there had been a slight miscalculation and she was going to have the baby very soon. Well what do you know - one day later, and the little guy/gal is knocking on the door!

There has been no word from my mom (who, as moms tend to do, acts as a liasons officer in events such as these) about how the baby is coming along, but it's probably going to be born some time tonight.

12 o' clock at night now, and I have class tomorrow, but I can't go to sleep - I am too excited about becoming an uncle! They don't know if it's a boy or a girl (I am betting it's a boy, but a girl is just as wonderful). Really, I can't wait til the little 'un grows comes, it's going to get pampered beyond reason, what with me just recently moving out and my sister and her husband building a house on the family ranch and therefore effectively moving back home. It's my parents' first grandchild too, so it's going to have two sets of parents! :)

My sister is thinking about naming the baby Alexander if it's a boy (after our grandfather) or Cornelia if it's a girl (just because it's a pretty name).

It's great, I am so happy for my sister and my brother-in-law. I think the baby is going to get to grow up in one of the best enviroments possible. Could y'all do me a favour though? Cross your fingers that the baby won't turn out allergic to horses! Noone in our family is allergic, but we have over 30 horses and some other various farm animals on the ranch, and both my dad and my brother-in-law work with horses. I hope the little 'un doesn't get allergic - he/she will be missing out on so much.

It's pretty amazing isn't it? I mean, a new human being, just now starting her life on this planet. That's really something.

Aye, an uncle yee bee! Congratz!

starlight
27-09-2005, 22:54
I just had a call from a friend of mine who wants me to meet a business associate of hers who will be in town tomorrow. It has me interested because we're both in business and I just recently told her of some difficulties at work. Given what she knows about me and the situation, I'm left to wonder what's up, but given what I know about her, either her friend has some solutions or she's been headhunting for him.

Having friends is always a good thing, keeping in touch with them is critical.

VanDoo
27-09-2005, 23:00
I got a funny exercise story too.

We were doing platoon attacks and I got the "privilege" of lugging the Carl Gustav around (old school one, not the new fiberglass model). So anyways, the flanking forces finally consolidates, so we (the firebase) get up and start running down the hill from where we were, only to find a small river at the bottom. Quickly looking around, we find a spot were the river is only about 1-2 meters wide and were there are a few fallen branches we can use not to get our feet wet (note to the unitiated: wet feet = teh sucks in the army). So some of the guys cross before I do, and when my turn comes up, I hand my rifle to the guy on the other side, sling the carl G in front of me and begin crossing the river using flimsy trees while trying to keep my balance. Just as I'm about halfway through, the branch I was holding starts giving in to my weight, and I begin my fall into the river, all the while making a funny "oh... crap..." face (the guy I had handed my rifle to said so, anyways). Down into the river I go, which is just deep enough for me to be totally submerged. Meanwhile, I can hear the guys laughing about my predicament. When the warrant finally realises that I'm about to drown, he tells the others to give me a hand, which they do, but instead of grabbing the Carl G so I can extricate myself from the rushing water, they start pulling at my sleaves, which is not helping since the heavy weapon is still in the water and its sling around my neck! So now I'm no longer breathing not because of the water, but because the *******' sling is choking me! I finally manage to let out "Carl G... *choke* around my neck! *choke*" to which one of the guys replies "oh... yeah..." and FINALLY grabs the damned thing.

Final result: not only did my boots get wet, but my whole kit too... except for my right breast pocket of my combat shirt, which was under my frag vest. I had that thing on pretty tight, it seems. :p

Hope that made you smile a little. :)

New Cult King
28-09-2005, 00:53
Nothing like a tale of a comical near-death experience to brighten one's day :D

Cheers VanDoo :p

PSD
28-09-2005, 01:12
My Girlfriend and I got engaged recently, im going to be a Mr PSD. And there will be a Mrs PSD (Dont worry, shes nice though. :D ).

VanDoo
28-09-2005, 02:10
Nothing like a tale of a comical near-death experience to brighten one's day :D

Cheers VanDoo :p

Well, I wasn't really about to drown. I just felt like I was drowning. Besides, had it been really that serious, and knowing how the Canadian Army operates, there would have been an inquiry, the river and the tree would have been charged, the forest disbanded, and from now on you would need 1) written permission of the CO to cross streams 2) a pontoon bridge, built and installed by the engineers and 3) floaters, all the while crossing said pontoon bridge, and not be alllowed to take them off before moving more than 50 meters past the stream.

:rolleyes:

EDIT: BTW, NCK, consider that sigged! ;)

starlight
28-09-2005, 02:14
You forgot written permission from the stream, along with oversight from the local "Friends of the Stream" group. :D

TitusAndronicus
28-09-2005, 02:16
My god, I didn't know there was this much good stuff happening! Evil, may the two of you live happily ever after! Your anniversary will be my birthday, so I'll raise one for you!

PSD, finding someone you love enough that you can't stand to be away from them is teh cool!

Van Doo, I suggest a life preserver nextt ime you go on manuevers!

Starlight, best of luck. If you happen to get rich you should hire me as your gardner:-)

Hairyman, a new style danish is indeed, "a very good thing"

Guys, thank you all! It was good to wake up to good news! Keep it coming though. Now I'm done reading I feel the depression coming back...I mst be addicted!

VanDoo
28-09-2005, 02:18
You forgot written permission from the stream, along with oversight from the local "Friends of the Stream" group. :D

Damn! How could have I forgotten about that! Now I'll get charged, and an official reprimand will be added to my service record.


Damned hippies... ;)

@Titus: Well, considering that was not the first time I inadvertently fell in water, nor was it the last, and I actually got the nickname "Splash" because of that, your advice may just be warranted. ;)

TitusAndronicus
28-09-2005, 02:22
you should get on of those big orange rings and drag it in next time. Yiu'll geta laugh for sure. And some webbed divers flippers!

VanDoo
28-09-2005, 02:26
you should get on of those big orange rings and drag it in next time. Yiu'll geta laugh for sure. And some webbed divers flippers!

"Rifle"
"Check!"
"Ammo"
"Check!"
"Rucksack"
"Check!"
"Webbing"
"Check!"
"Helmet"
"Check!"
"Flippers and life preserver"
"Check! Wait! What the ?"

:)

TitusAndronicus
28-09-2005, 02:29
Oh, TA, this one you might appreciate.

I was on exercise once and we had to cross some electrical fence. I thought it would be kinda smart to hold it down with the handles on my rifle, you know?
They were made of metal and it zapped me to bits. Bastardtubbyfences here!
I got drunk and pissed on one once. It set my crotch on fire. All my pals thought it was just the funniest thing in the world, but it was relalt awful :D I couldn't hold my pecker to pee for a week, and it took weeks for the burns to go away! :evilgrin:
My best friend Trip said my hair stood up and I started jiggling (he was behind me) he couldn't figure out waht was happening till smoke started drifting from around in front of me!
I still shuder to this day!

TitusAndronicus
28-09-2005, 02:30
"Rifle"
"Check!"
"Ammo"
"Check!"
"Rucksack"
"Check!"
"Webbing"
"Check!"
"Helmet"
"Check!"
"Flippers and life preserver"
"Check! Wait! What the ?"

:)

I mean, really. Wouldn't it be sweet? Ask your 1SG if you can do it as a joke next formation!

Kohhna
28-09-2005, 02:35
Well, Its not exactly earth shattering news, but I just posted my first match write-up for AOD. I'm quietly happy with it.

VanDoo
28-09-2005, 02:35
I mean, really. Wouldn't it be sweet? Ask your 1SG if you can do it as a joke next formation!

1SG? Do you mean First Sergeant? Dude! I'm Canadian! We don't have 8 billion different kinds of sergeants up here! Only one: sergeant. Plus, I'm still at the Royal Military College; I won't be at a unit for a little while yet. Besides, I doubt that the men would find it all that cute/funny coming from their platoon commander. ;)

TitusAndronicus
28-09-2005, 03:28
Man, they would truly loveyou for it. You could only do it the once, but it would be a hell of a morale lift. Trust me, I was a SSG when I got ou t(taht's the 6th Army rank in the US)

Once your have actually proved to your men that you know what you are doing (at least a year in) Call an early morning formation. Make them stand in formation for at least twenty minutes, at attention, while you **** around in your office. Then come waddling out wearing a life preserver, snorkel and mask, and fins. They will be yours forever.

violenceha
28-09-2005, 03:40
i remember when my dad achieved the rank of queen's officer, and when he was a captain he was known as captain kangaroo.

VanDoo
28-09-2005, 13:57
Man, they would truly loveyou for it. You could only do it the once, but it would be a hell of a morale lift. Trust me, I was a SSG when I got ou t(taht's the 6th Army rank in the US)

Once your have actually proved to your men that you know what you are doing (at least a year in) Call an early morning formation. Make them stand in formation for at least twenty minutes, at attention, while you **** around in your office. Then come waddling out wearing a life preserver, snorkel and mask, and fins. They will be yours forever.

Hmm... maybe on the 1st of April?


i remember when my dad achieved the rank of queen's officer, and when he was a captain he was known as captain kangaroo.

Huh? How come?

TitusAndronicus
28-09-2005, 14:00
You really MUST do this. April 1 it is. I expect photos!

VanDoo
28-09-2005, 14:23
You really MUST do this. April 1 it is. I expect photos!

Ok, remind me the 31st of March. ;)

Disposable Hero
28-09-2005, 14:34
Hmm..I remember the first time seeing my platoon commander. Out he comes, over 2 metres tall, looking fit as hell..wearing a beret of the commando's.
Bugger, I thought.

Till this day I swear he is the best soldier I ever met! Even without flippers!

Nineswords
28-09-2005, 14:47
http://maddox.xmission.com

That is all.