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Z-Axis
03-03-2008, 17:03
I'm looking for some comments, and hopefully critiques on the background for my Imperial Guard army. It's still being written, and will be gradually extended as I play scenarios based on the story, but I'd like to check if it's accurate to the background and perhaps more importantly enjoyable to read.

I've written the whole thing from an in-universe point of view, penned by several characters who were involved in the events.

Without further ado then, the story!

++File Ref 100456287: Documents Pertaining to Events Upon Estrolan IV++
++Compiled by Inquisitor Vors Noason++

=I=

++To: General Trevon Esk, Verdis++
++From: Captain Ilvik Dern, the Custodian Sword++
++Sent by: Astropath Ciles Tersiof++
++Recieved by: Astropath Regile Carison++
++Thought for the day: Heresy lurks in the minds of all. Trust is a weakness.++
++Subject: Confirmation of orders to deviate from regimental homecoming++
++Message begins++
My lord, I am sending you this message receive confirmation of the validity of a surprising turn of events that may prevent the return of the Verdis 8th Imperial Guard regiment.
I had barely left the warp near the outskirts of the Verdis system, en route from the victories at Adenstai against the Tyranid swarms. The men of the Verdis 8th fought with distinction, and were fortunate enough to be allowed to return to Verdis, considering impossibility of inhabiting the conquered worlds and the proximity of the Verdis system. At the time, the Guardsmen were asleep – the ship was being operated only by night-cycle crewmen and servitors.
I was awakened from my sleep by my second-in-command, Adjutant Silius Trelk. He informed me that an unrecognised vessel had been detected in the system, identified as a warship of quite some might. Fearing pirates, I immediately made my way to the bridge to take control of the situation. As a transport ship, the Custodian Sword is not well suited to a combat situation, and if there was any possibility of avoiding such a result I would gladly take it.
The warship appeared Imperial in its construction, and I thanked the Emperor it was not xenos I would have to deal with. However, the fact that the ship carried no identification, and was not of any recognised pattern of design suggested it was a renegade pirate vessel, and such men could be just as lethal as xenos.
Hoping it was not a pirate vessel, I attempted to communicate with the ship, emphasising that I did not desire a confrontation, and requesting identification. I had little hope of a reply, so was of course surprised when the ship opened up communications with me.
I will not bore you with the details of my conversation with the other ship. Suffice to say they identified themselves as the Inqisition – an organisation I have never heard of (outside of ridiculous rumours). They appeared to have clearance equal to the highest Imperial officers.
After some time negotiating, the Inquisitor – for that was what their leader called himself – demanded command of both my ship and the Imperial Guard regiment. I was outraged, but I had little choice but to follow his orders – he had the authority and the firepower to back up his demands.
Therefore, I have complied, but please, my lord, could you confirm these orders are correct.
++Message ends++

++To: Captain Ilvik Dern, the Custodian Sword++
++From: General Trevon Esk, Verdis++
++Sent by: Astropath Regile Carison++
++Recieved by: Astropath Ciles Tersiof++
++Thought for the day: Weakness cannot be tolerated in the face of heresy.++
++Subject: RE: Confirmation of orders to deviate from regimental homecoming++
++Message begins++
I am afraid, Captain, that I have little power in this situation. The Inquisition is well within its rights to take command of your forces, although more than that you are not permitted to know.
I apologise for this situation, but it is out of my hands.
++Message ends++

++To: General Trevon Esk, Verdis++
++From: Captain Ilvik Dern, the Custodian Sword++
++Sent by: Astropath Ciles Tersiof++
++Recieved by: Astropath Regile Carison++
++Thought for the day: He who has no master is nothing.++
++Subject: RE: RE: Confirmation of orders to deviate from regimental homecoming++
++Message begins++
Sir, that is preposterous! Can you not tell me anything about this so-called Inquisition, and why the brave men of the Verdis 8th cannot return after they have been through so much?
The Inquisitor has still not passed onto our ship. The regiment is on the verge of riot – they were expecting to return home to their families within the week, and instead are being dragged off to fight further – and they're not even allowed to know why?
If this goes further, I may have to take action myself.
++Message ends++

++To: Captain Ilvik Dern, the Custodian Sword++
++From: General Trevon Esk, Verdis++
++Sent by: Astropath Regile Carison++
++Recieved by: Astropath Ciles Tersiof++
++Thought for the day: Dying for the Emperor is the greatest honour.++
++Subject: RE: RE: RE: Confirmation of orders to deviate from regimental homecoming++
++Message begins++
I would point your attention to the thought for the day attached to this message. The Inquisitor is within his rights, and you would do well to follow him and cease with this mutinous tone. That is the final word I will hear of the matter.
++Message ends++

-

++A short history of the defence of the Adenstai system++
++Author: Scribe-Primary Goleson Mardos++
++Thought for the day: A good servant need not fear death++
In late 993.M41, a splinter fleet of the Tyranid hive fleet Kraken, escaping from its defeat at Ichar IV, came across the Adenstai system. The fleet, which was to become known as Hive Fleet Churicael, represented a significant threat to the poorly defended Adenstai system – a system for which the greatest threat since colonisation was the possibility of a few poorly armed pirates.

Naturally, the arrival of the Tyranids came as a surprise to the system. The creatures initially fell upon Adenstai XVI, an agri-world which was responsible to producing the majority of food for the system. What PDF elements were present had little chance of fending off the waves of creatures that swarmed over the planet during the invasion, and the planet fell within days.

Naturally, the rest of the system received no news of the planets destruction due to the Tyranid's strange effect on the warp. No communications could escape, and the inhabitants of the other worlds of the Adenstai system blamed passing warp storms for the lack of contact.

The Tyranids spared little time consuming the planets resources, and within the month they moved on inwards. Adenstai XV, XIV and XIII fell rapidly, and although many still blamed warp storms for the lack of communication the situation was beginning to worry the other inhabitants of the system. Not least among these was one Inquisitor Vollman of the Ordo Malleus, who took it upon himself to investigate the disturbances in the warp, suspecting Chaos presence.

Vollman was horrified to discover the ravaged worlds, although it took time and investigation of the surface of the planets to determine the cause of the destruction. Since he was of the Ordo Malleus, Vollman had little knowledge of the Tyranids, and if it was not for Mivis Elchior, a scribe in the employ of Vollman, it would be likely that the truth would have got out too late.

Elchior remembered reports on the Tyranid that he had read in the past, and immediately set about comparing the reports with the situation on the planet. They were eerily similar, and Elchior reported his findings to the Inquisitor. Disturbed by the news, they immediately left the planet, seeking to leave the area of the Tyranids' warp-shadow so that a message could be sent out.

During this time, Adenstai XII too had fallen to the Tyranids, and by the time the Inquisitor had reached a suitable point to send a message Adenstai XI, the capital planet of the system, had fallen under attack. Only Adenstai X and Adenstai IX remained – the rest of the systems' worlds were deemed uninhabitable.

Vollman's message was grave news to the inhabitants of the remaining two planets. Imperial Guard regiments from nearby systems were called in to defend the world, and evacuations began immediately. Should the Adenstai system fall, the many nearby systems would be under threat.

Of the many planets on which Imperial Guard regiments were called up, several are worthy of note. The hive world Deiran VII produced the trench fighting 'dung divers', who were instrumental in the defence of Adenstai X. Meanwhile, the forge world Cistos produced the 'sledgehammers', a tank regiment who were known for their destructive effect late in the campaign.

Finally, there are the Verdis 4th, 8th, and 9th. A fairly typical set Imperial Guard regiments, strong leadership in the form of General Trevon Esk and the courage and valor displayed in the battle for Trygin City put the Verdis regiments high on the roll of honour by the end of the campaign. All this, of course, happened later.

Turbulence in the warp meant the Imperial Guard regiments would take at least a month to traverse the relatively short distance to the Adenstai system, and something had to be done to prevent their arrival in the meantime. The PDF forces on the remaining worlds in the Adenstai system would be insufficient to hold of the Tyranids for any length of time.

The task of stopping the Tyranids fell to the Imperial Navy. Unfortunately, there were few warships in the area. The leader of the forces in the area, one Captain Rikar, had mainly cargo and transport vessels – none well armed or armoured. In comparison, the Tyranids were well-equipped and defended – they would likely have been a threat to a far larger force than that Rikar was given. Direct confrontation would be suicide.
In a desperate gamble, Rikar loaded as many craft as he could spare with powerful explosives, and equipping them with a skeleton crew sent them flying into the Tyranid defences. While a missile would not have been able to penetrate the swarms of flying creatures, an entire ship would, and the detonations crippled many of the larger creatures in the hive fleet, forcing the Tyranids to spend time and resources to heal its wounds. This time was sufficient for the Imperial Guard to arrive and begin preparing defences on the world.

Unfortunately for Captain Rikar, the Adeptus Mechanicus balked at the waste of precious machinery, and had Rikar (as well as a number of other officers who helped Rikar devise the plan) executed.

It was while the Imperial Guard were still preparing that the Tyranids arrived on Adenstai X. As trenches were dug and turrets constructed, mycetic spores began to fall from the skies, and the Tyranids began their assault on the planet. The landings were concentrated on two points – the fields near Trygin (the planet's only large city), and the forests of Sinos, a mere few hundred kilometres away.

The first few days after the landing were complete chaos, as the Guardsmen tried to regroup and form a successful defence against the Tyranids. Slowly, however, order began to reassert itself. Attack after attack fell on Trygin city, each one coming ever closer to succeeding. Meanwhile the Tyranids in the Sinos forests remained a lurking menace, lurking in the shadows and destroying any attempt to retake the forest. Drastic measures had to be taken. Under orders of General Trevon Esk, Hellhound tanks set out to ignite the forest, driving the Tyranids out into the waiting guns of the Imperial Guard.

All this time, the spores still fell upon the planet, seemingly without end. Every day meant death for hundreds of guardsmen. Despite Esk's efforts, victory seemed hopeless.

Then, over one week, the rain of spores began to thin. It seemed the Tyranids had failed in their assault, finally running out of the resources needed to maintain the assault. A cheer went up around Adenstai X as finally the last spore fell.
It was, however, a pyrrhic victory at best. While the Tyranids had been defeated, the incineration of the planet's forests and the damage sustained on Trygin City meant the planet had little power to maintain its industries. The other planets in the Adenstai system (with the exception of Adenstai IX) were nought but balls of rock, their atmospheres and surfaces consumed by the Tyranids. The Imperial Guard regiments were tiny fractions of their original sizes, many of the men driven mad by the horror of what they had witnessed during the many battles.

Despite this, the other systems were safe from the threat of the Tyranids.

=I=

++Following are some messages intercepted in the system shortly after the events on Adenstai X. They have been identified as being written by the Eldar, although their source has not yet been found. Arbites forces are investigating. Translated by Signus Ort, a scribe in the employ of Inquisition forces on Adenstai IX.++

Most honoured Farseer, I wish to bring to your attention a matter of great concern.
The Great Swarm, who fought the mon-keigh but so recently upon the tenth of [Tralvy-en], have worse horrors still to bring to the surrounding worlds. In their great fallacy, the mon-keigh believe that they were victorious, yet the stars herald otherwise. The lines of flame cross the blackness of space, and the beacon of darkness calls to the many claws. Clawed tendrils fill the ranks of those who returned. The devourer comes again.
While the mon-keigh are worthy of little concern, a far greater danger looms before us. The Dark Ones' claw lies in the path of the Swarm, and should they find it woe shall betide us all.
We must destroy the Claw, lest all be lost.

++Interpretation by Interrogator Vors Noason++
The Eldar appear to be suggesting that the Tyranids were not in fact defeated at Adenstai X, and have somehow infiltrated 'those who returned' – this would be either the surviving Imperial Guard or the return citizens. This could include the possibility of Genestealer infestation, although it would seem remarkably fast for the Genestealers to communicate with the hive fleets already. I suggest putting the planet on alert and possibly stationing some Imperial Guard against the risk of a second attack.
The second paragraph is worthy of most concern. The 'Dark One's Claw' is not identified at this time, although the archives are still being searched for a reference.
Calculations based on the average range of Genestealer psychic beacons and the density of inhabited worlds suggests the Tyranids would most likely approach through the Estrolan Belt.

++A second message was intercepted shortly thereafter++

Esteemed Eldris, your words worry me.
I too have seen signs of the Mon-keigh's failure. The flames of calling can be seen even from Colacia, but the possibility of the Swarm finding the Claw of Madronoch is devastating news indeed. Yet alas, I am powerless to intervene. The Mon-keigh's fleets hold my surroundings under an iron grip, and they deny me all but the smallest twists of the webway. There is no way that we could arrive before it is too late.
Yet there is an opening, though we must swallow our pride should we take it. It pains me to say this, but it seems our only escape is through the Mon-keigh. I trust you know what to do.

++Interpretation by Interrogator Vors Noason++

It seems likely that Madronoch is the 'Dark One', yet further research with this in mind still gives no results. The xenos 'farseer' is presumably far away, judging by the comment on the distance from which the Tyranids' psychic beacon can be seen.
Nonetheless I would suggest increased vigilance in Adenstai and surrounding systems, since the Eldar clearly intend to manipulate Imperial citizens down the path of heresy.
May the Emperor protect us all.

++No further messages were intercepted.++

=I=

++File Title: Inquisitorial Records: Inquisitor Selcrius Ecrinov: Personal File++
++Last Edited: 4028983.M41 by Scribe-Tertius Marthion++
++Thought for the day: War Purifies++
Born: 5076934.M41
Planet of Birth: Adenstai XVI
Recruited into Inquisitorial Service: 4031951.M41
Appointed Inquisitor: 4742960.M41
Physical Description: Physically capable, but unremarkable. Head is bald. Left eye is bionic. Several scars on jaw. Typically wears Munitorum C3321-standard white hooded robe with Inquisition symbol on hem. Utilises ornate carapace armour, origin unknown.
Notes: Frequently comments on importance of knowledge, esp. about Enemy. Employs mainly sages and savants. Possible Radical tendencies; monitored. No evidence of heretical taint. Former Imperial Guard, decorated for service in Endros campaign.
++End of File++

++File title: Rodran Kytovin, secondary savant to Inquisitor Ecrinov: Personal Journal++
++Entry: 5043994.M41++
++Thought for the day: Know your duty!++
I have taken a moment to record a number of notable events that have occurred within the previous few weeks. As I am sure you realise if you are reading this, I do not often make entries into my journal except on a very remarkable occasion, and this is indeed such an occasion.
Myself and my master have been travelling from some time. After dissolving the cult on Grindos Delta – a thoroughly boring and unremarkable occurrence barely worth noting – the astropath, Drobi, reported an unrecognised psychic contact. This is not particularly remarkable in itself, but the intensity of this signal was unusually high. More strangely still, none of the other astropaths were able to detect even the slightest hint of the psychic contact.
My master (in his great wisdom) spent several days communicating with the strange sender of the message through Drobi, and unfortunately I was not sufficiently privileged to witness their conversation. Since the event, however, my master has seemed strangely troubled and subdued.
Recently, he ordered that we set a course for an almost uninhabited star system, giving no answer to my questions. My own research revealed surprisingly little about the system, only revealing that the only Imperial habitation was a small mining outpost on the largest moon of a gas giant named quite unimaginatively as Plagiarius Secondus, the only planet in the system.
We stopped only briefly in the system, during which time the Inquisitor came and went to the outpost in his shuttle but once. With him on the return journey was a figure dressed in thick robes, and I was unable to glimpse his face. He carried a highly unique weapon that I believe is of Eldar design. I feel that it is fortunate that Yzlaveta did not see this device.
More recently, the master has commandeered the services of an Imperial Guard regiment, the Verdis 8th. It is my understanding that they fought bravely during the battles at Adenstai.
My master did not disclose his objectives, but I trust that he is acting nobly... even though his behaviour has been erratic, to say the least.

++End of Entry++

=I=

Word count has exceeded post limit, continuing in next post.

Z-Axis
03-03-2008, 17:04
Continued from previous post
++Subject: Status report, 2351993.M41++
++Posted by: Verdis 8th Regimental Commissar Felthka++
++Thought for the day: The Emperor's light reveals all impurity in time++
++Begin report++
As you are no doubt aware, we are in the third day of our journey through the warp towards the Estrolan belt. There has been considerable unrest among the Verdis men, with numerous cases of brawling and alcoholism, although so far only seven have needed to be executed for their behaviour. 47 guardsmen have flogged for various smaller crimes. It is expected that this will get worse. Unusually large numbers of the men have been suffering from serious warp-sickness, and medical facilities are facing difficulties dealing with the casualties. The head physician has requested that additional facilities be activated, and papers requiring his signature have been attached to this document.
Munitorium reports indicate that we have adequate supplies to support the troops for approximately three weeks, more if rations are reduced.
Few unusual occurrences have been noted over the past three days, with the exception of the case of Lieutenant Rothemir, commander of 7th Platoon. Normally a stellar example of an Imperial officer, he has recently begun to show extremely erratic behaviour. Informants from among the troops suggest that this is affecting the entirety of Platoon 7, although purity checks have so far revealed no adverse effects. The platoon is under heavy monitoring, and any sign of taint will be eliminated immediately.
++End report++

=I=

++Personal Journal - Sergeant Antiere Lovos (Verdis 8th Imperial Guard)++
++Entry Date: 5 056 994.M41++
++Thought for the day: Only through suffering can we show our worth++
We've left the Warp at last, which is a relief. Not much, though. I'm still getting nightmares the moment I shut my eyes. I dream of things that can't even be described. Every morning I wake drenched in sweat, barely able to think from the lack of sleep. And from what I've seen, I'm one of the lucky ones.
Supposedly, we're going to make planetfall soon. About time. I feel like the metal walls are going to crush me, and I'm sick to death of the skulls they stick everywhere on this ship. Somebody said we'll be fighting the tyranids again, and I'm almost glad. The others got hit hard on Adenstai, but we didn't. We sent them tyranids running back into them forests, and then we set 'em all on fire and used the heat for cooking. Good times.
Lieutenant Gant's been driving us pretty hard in the training. Keeps goin' on about how we had tons of support back on Adenstai, but this time it'll be just us and the enemy. I don't see his point; the artillery never hit a thing anyway. It was us Verdis boys doin' the real work.
++End entry++

++Custodian Sword - Ship's log++
++First Entry Date: 5 052 994.M41++
++Final Entry Date: 5 060 994.M41++
++Thought for the day: There is no worse crime than disobeying one's master.++
+ Arrived in Estrolan Belt region. All systems functioning correctly.
+ No contact from Imperial habitants of nearby planets.
+ Astropaths report warp presence preventing long-range psychic communication.
+ Orders received from Inquisitor Ecrinov to travel to planet Estrolan IV.
+ Approaching Estrolan IV.
+ Entering orbit of Estrolan IV.
+ Preliminary scans reveal heavy Tyranid presence. Atmosphere contains numerous spores, potential breathing hazard. Numerous potential landing sites.
+ Preparing to deploy atmospheric landing craft.
+ Verdis 8th Imperial Guard fully loaded onto atmospheric landing craft.
+ Preparing launch.

=I=

To be continued

Any comments and critiques are appreciated! :D

Moral Wiz
03-03-2008, 17:28
Always good to see a tale of the INQ, and having the guard be the accompaniment is another plus. :D

Looking interesting. I'll be keeping an eye on this. What Ordo is the good Inquisitor from by the way? Xenos?

And one minor criticism, the INQ isn't quite that secret. People do know about them, but it's the sort of knowledge that gets passed through bar tales. If they weren't known, how could they be feared?

A rank and file guardsman might or might not know about them, but a captain would at least be aware of their existence. Otherwise how could they be sure of quick and unthinking obedience?

Crazy Ivan
03-03-2008, 17:50
Very interesting story! :) It's nice to see a background story puzzled together like this; good work on the different writing styles of the participants! The personal logs are among the best parts, I think. Overall this looks very interesting, and I'll be certain to keep posted on this. I only have one very minor criticism: the Adenstai system seems rather big, with 16 planets; especially as it's only the outer planets that are (were) inhabited (it seems to me it would be very cold so far from the system's sun). By the way, I think captain Ilvik Dern should expect a visit from his friendly ship's commissar soon... :D

Keep it up!

Wolf Scout Ewan
03-03-2008, 18:32
Enjoyed that! More!

Z-Axis
03-03-2008, 19:02
Thanks for the kind words, everyone! :D I'll be continuing this as soon as I get a chance to write.

Inquisitor Savric is indeed a member of the Ordo Xenos. I'll edit that in.

A fair point about the Inquisition. I think I'll leave it be for now, with the justification that Verdis hasn't required many Inquisitorial investigations and thus the Inquisition has become something heard of only in stories, which Captain Dern has dismissed out of hand. Even so, he probably should have had some more knowledge of them, and I'll try to add a sentence or two to address those concerns.

For the most part, the 16 planets in the Adenstai system are small balls of rock that are too close to the system's star to hold life. Think Mercury, with several such planets in close orbit. I might reduce the numbers somewhat though to make it a little more reasonable.

I have plans for the Captain ;)

The next instalment should be up sometime later this week if all goes well, next week if not. Thanks again for all the comments!

Moral Wiz
03-03-2008, 19:14
Yeah. That exchange worked brilliantly, and was the perfect note to start this off on, but a total lack of knowledge is a little off from a fluff PoV. Just have the captain be dismissive of "Drunken tales told by some of the men" or something like that; and it's perfect.

I am actually working on an inquisition story myself (though it's taking me forever to get this next segment done)Very different plot, very different circumstances and very different inquisitors. Would you mind having a look, and giving me feedback? I'd be interested in what you thought.

http://warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=129698

Z-Axis
04-03-2008, 19:44
A few more entries, since I had some free time and a word processor today ;)

I've added a line with the Captain dismissing the Inquisition as 'ridiculous rumours'. I've also adjusted every date upwards by 551 years to match the published date for Hive Fleet Kraken splintering.

++Personal Journal - Tech-Adept Yzlaveta++
++Entry date: 5 063 994.M41++
++Thought for the Day: Doubt is a sin. Trust your master.++
The Imperial Guard have already boarded their transports. Through my viewport I can see the transport ships floating down towards the planet. Each one is a temple. Every engine and every bulkhead is a prayer to the might of the Machine God, and the sight fills me with pride.
Still I wait for Savric to prepare for our own flight down to the planet. I have already satisfied the spirits of our landing craft with sacred oils and rituals, and now I wait. In the meantime, I have been focussed upon the Quest for Knowledge. I have seen many things and many facets of the Omnissiah, but the Tyranids have eluded me always. This planet fascinates me.
In the time that I have waited for the Inquisitor, then, I have prepared my tools. I do not know what my master is looking to find on Estrolan IV, but in the Tyranids, I see the greatest offering to Knowledge that I may ever see in my lifetime.
I must go. There are arrangements that must be made if I am to complete my plans.
++End entry++

=I=

++Transcript of In-Flight Vocal Record, First Atmospheric Lander++
++Author: Lieutenant-Commander Anvirin++
++Recording begins: 5 060 994.M41++
++Length of Record: 6 hours++
++Thought for the Day: Though we walk in the shadow of Chaos, the Emperor's light gives us eternal hope++
+ Landing craft has disengaged from Custodian Sword landing bay. All procedures successful. Minor turbulence during engine calibration.
+ We are now approaching planet Estrolan IV along low orbit atmospheric entry vector. Identified landing zone as rocky plateau with central landmass (location ref LAT51.1 LON -2.7)
+ Entering atmosphere. Heat within expected parameters. Large amounts of unknown biological material in air. Low visibility. Probable Tyranid spore cloud.
+ Significant turbulence. Emerging from spore cloud… Holy throne, what are those? Go left, there’s a gap there. Wait, there’s more… what are they? See if we can find a way through. What, still recording? Sh-
+Numerous midair biological structures detected, suspected Tyranid origin. Attempting to find a way to penetrate floating layer.
+No route through floating structures has been observed near to landing site. Preparing weaponry to create one. OK, boys, lets roast these <loud explosion> Haha, look at that! Good shootin’, Gera. Wait, did that one just move? They’re all moving! Keep firing, Gera, don’t let ‘em get too close… Holy Throne those things are fast. <further speech is lost amidst numerous explosions>
+Emergency! Several hits sustained, superficial damage, critical weapons system damage. Damage to engines secundus and tertius. Losing altitude fast.
++No further entries++
++Commissariat note: If he had survived the landing, Lieutenant-Commander Anvirin would have been disciplined for poor microphone discipline.++

++Personal Journal - Sergeant Antiere Lovos (Verdis 8th Imperial Guard)++
++Entry Date: 5 070 994.M41++
++Thought for the day: Faith in the Emperor is the greatest virtue++
Snatching a breath to record this, not that anyone's ever going to read it. Damn, it's been chaos back there. I woke up in the middle of a burning wreck. There was wreckage everywhere, the ship was on fire, and you could barely breath through all the smoke. I must've managed to crawl out, only they sent me right back in again to help the other platoons. Suppose that was the right thing, but I can't say I wanted to go back in there.

Seems those halfwits in the Navy can't even land a ship. 'Poor visibility' this and 'midair biological structures' that. Now they expect us to fix all our gear after they crash us into a Throne-cursed rock. Barely survived thanks to those incompetent fools. Imagine that. 'Sergeant Antiere Lovos, hero of Adenstai, died when the Navy crashed into a rock'. Oh , by the Throne, they're sending me back in again... Yes sir! Right away sir.
++End Entry++

Moral Wiz
06-03-2008, 17:47
Interesting. No errors I can spot. Looking forward to more.

Crazy Ivan
07-03-2008, 15:29
Again very interesting! Love the little commisariat note regarding the pilot...

Z-Axis
15-04-2008, 11:29
Revised the last entry somewhat, trying to go for a more tense and chaotic feel...

++Personal Journal - Sergeant Antiere Lovos (Verdis 8th Imperial Guard)++
++Entry Date: 7 070 994.M41++
++Thought for the day: Faith in the Emperor is the greatest virtue++
Snatching a breath to record this, not that anyone's ever going to read it. Oh Throne, it's chaos back there. There's wreckage everywhere, the ship's on fire, and you could barely breath through all the smoke. I got out, somehow. They sent me right back in again to find survivors. Half of us are already dead.
Dust everywhere.
++End Entry++

...and some new stuff.

++Subject: Status report, 7 073 994.M41++
++Posted by: Verdis 8th Regimental Commissar Felthka++
++Thought for the day: The Imperium sails on a sea of blood.++
++Begin report++
The deployment of the regiment is progressing smoothly, despite some significant difficulties during landing. Two landing craft, containing a total of 40 Guardsmen, have crashed, resulting in the deaths of all involved. More than half the others have sustained critical damage and will not be able to return to the ship. The total number of casualties from the landing has not yet been counted, but it is expected to approach 15%. Measures are being taken to maintain morale.
Analysis of the landing zone proves favourable, despite expectations. Significant traces of Tyranid spores have been observed, but atmospheric conditions are presently breathable. The landing zone is a rocky plateau approximately six kilometres in diamater, surrounded on all sides by dense jungle. Some traces of Tyranid flora have been detected and purged by flamethrower.
Visibility is extremely poor due to thick mists in the surrounding jungle. Auspexes and scanners have been issued to important personnel, and every squad is equipped with a voxcaster to maintain communication.
The Tech-Adepts are currently performing funeral rites for the destroyed aircraft preparing armour and aircraft for deployment. Some are damaged from the landing, and repairs are expected to take the rest of the day. I have given the order to construct temporary fortifications and deploy Sabre platforms to secure the perimeter of the camp.
Awaiting further orders.
++End report++