View Full Version : You are a warboss/hive mind/necron lord/ chaos lord: Whats your threat assessment...

08-11-2008, 03:39
Placed into the leadership position of non-imperial factions, what would be your threat assessment of all the other factions of the galaxy? GW focuses so much on the Imperium vs ____ conflict that we dont often get insight into how some of the other races interact, besides small teasers like illustration of a daemonic army clashing with a nid hive fleet, the war of dakka, etc. Chosing your "avatar" as such, how would you view each of the other races out there?

If i was a Dark Eldar Archon -

Tau - A fun race to terrorize, due to their nieve and optimistic view of the galaxy. As a dark eldar raider, i would be fairly hateful of their technological advancements as a threat to lightly armored raiding craft. However, due to the Tau Empire's mix of races, causing terror and paranoia between each member race of the Empire would be delicious fun.

Orks- An ancient enemy. So numerous no matter where our ships go in the webway, we are bound to find them. Orks are always good for ruining perfectly good plans when they are least needed. However, they are useful as a distraction for our own goals to be hidden or masked. Formidable warriors when we are forced to fight, as the orks are so reckless a lot of the terror causing instramentation of the cabals simply dont have their desired effect against orks.

Eldar- The hated few who stick to a pathway rather than sticking to the old ways. Self righteous jerks who have given up on eldar superiority to be masters and all others being slaves. They think their spirit stones save them, but they know little .

Chaos Marines/ Lost and the Damned - Instruments of the gods. Loathesome fools who chose to be slaves to darkness rather than be masters of their own destiny like like the dark eldar are. Still, good for slaves and easily manipulated pacts with the fools. We dont trust them, and they dont trust us, but we are the masters and they simply pawns. It is important to remain outside of their ire, and let them expend their hate to the sad Imperium of man.

Chaos Daemons - A serious threat. The last thing Dark Eldar want to run into is an uncontrolable demonic incursion. Must be avoided at all costs, as even the dark prince is a cruel mistress who wouldnt mind a few tasty eldar souls to dine on.

Tyranids - An unstable force of nature. Good to gather their warrior beasts for the fighting pits, but thanks to comorragh's relative safety in the webway, the extra-galatic beasts cant be a true threat to their safety at home, only their operations in the galaxy. Will let the foolish other races bludgeon themselves against the beast.

08-11-2008, 04:20
Neat. Coming from the prespective of my chaos lord (ancient sorcerer, essentially):

Chaos Daemons:Ah, the dark avatars of our gods. They are rapacious, violent engines of destruction, and when unleashed upon you they can cause great harm. Much better to be the one controlling them.

Chaos Space Marines:A shame that our mutual hate of the Imperium does not make us better bed fellows. It's a small consolation, however, that despite their brutal effectiveness and capacity for causing destruction, that only the truly ancient ones among them know the true power that they wield.

Inquistion:This murderous faction within the Imperium shows just how much the Emperor's dream has gone astray. On the open battle field they are worthy opponents, though it is their ability to root out "heresy" that makes them enemies one must be catious about. One must keep a caring eye one one's cults when these mad men are about.

Dark Eldar:While merely nusiances in the greater scheme of things, they are nevertheless quick and decisive opponents. Their greatest weakness is their fragility and treachery; use daemons and fodder to slow them down and then commit your more experienced forces to exterminate them.

Eldar:Their arrogance is insufferable, but despite this they make worthy foes. It is not in battle that they are most enjoyable, however; dueling with them in the tangled skiens of probabilty and fate often brings excitement to my dulled heart. You win, you lose, but no matter the outcome they always excercise the mind.

Imperial Guard:The Hammer of the Emperor, as they are called. They are so wide and varied that their ability can not be easily categorized. However, corruption is often the easiest way to deal with them. Failing that, send your own "hammer" at them, and crush them. A defensive battle against the Imperial Guard is a losing battle against the Imperial Guard.

Necrons:An implacable force, avoiding them is often the most prudent tactic. They cannot be corrupted, and will outmatch your firepower at every turn. If you must fight them, crush them under the weight of numbers.

Orks:Primitive in most regards to the other races, united they are an easy force to lay low. When organised however, they become a horrific green tide, crushing all before them until a bigger force can weather their blistering attacks. Assassination is the best in such a case; watching a Waaaaaagh crumble after the death of a warboss is a satisfying sight.

Space Marines:Venerated amongst the Imperium as saviors of the stars, they are indeed mighty warriors (nothing compared to my brethren during the Great Crusade and Horus Heresy, of course). Their minds (despite the brain washing) are still malleable if one can shape them correctly. If all else fails, send your own marines against them and crush them. It will be a vicious and dire battle, but if your tactics are ample enough then they will fall.

Tau:A young empire, the Tau are still a threat to the marauding warband. Their technology, combined with their low warp presence and fanatical following of the "Greater Good" makes them nearly incorruptable. Move against them with speed and slaughter them in close combat.

Tyranids:Inhuman and fierce advesaries, they are to never be underestimated. Unless seperated far from their fleet they are incorruptable, as they exist simply as extensions of their "Hive Mind". A war of attrition simply cannot be faught against them; destroy their fleet and the forces on the ground will crumble. Oftentimes is is best to simply avoid them if possible and let someone less fortunate deal with them.

08-11-2008, 05:18
Tau - BURP!

Orks- I'm wona dem!

Eldar- Pansies

Chaos Daemons - Wa?

Tyranids - Ok, Like, Imagain da biggest squig you can imagian, now, imagain it bein even bigger!

Dark Eldar/Eldar: Pansies

Imperial Guard:Humies!
Humies are great!
Na matta how many ya kill, they keep sendin more!

Necrons: Der really hard, and when ya kill em, dey get back up.
NO! IM NOT CRYIN! its just so beauiful

Orks:Hey, Im an ork

Space Marines: Bekies are dead hard, and dey knows how to fight.

08-11-2008, 05:27
From my necrons:

Tau - Who the hell are these guys? Why do they seem to be so well armed? While their technology is still infantile compared to ours, they are rapidly developing, and it would be best to nip this problem in the bud.

Orks- They're irritating and they should be all killed, even if they don't necessarily threaten our plans. They have an annoying habit of trying to staple our stuff to their stuff, and that requires these ignorant fleshbags to enter our resting places and scavenge around like mangy dogs.

Eldar/Dark Eldar- These guys are still around? When possible, murder their faces off. They screwed up our victory last time, we're not going to let them do it again. They are clever and crafty, but weakened, and in a war of attrition, we cannot fail. The only thing we might hate more than these guys are deamons.

Chaos Marines/ Lost and the Damned - ****** who dabble with things best sealed away forever, increasing the connection between the physical world and the hated Warp. When possible, kill them, but not at the expense of killing Eldar.

Chaos Daemons - Possibly the only thing we hate more than the Eldar. Wipe them out, destroy the sun the world they infest orbits if necessary to do so, and ensure that they're gone.

Tyranids - On the one hand, they don't tend to bother us and they kill all the others we hate. On the other hand, they're looking pretty powerful and are irritating. Ideally, wait for them to fight it out with another foe, and then kill the winner. Or just sleep through their invasion until they've moved on.

08-11-2008, 05:33
From the 'nids perspective:

Imperial Guard: Of no concern. They are but a speed bump. An edible speed bump. There is no useful genetic information to be gained from them other than how to make cannon fodder.

Tau: Even more so than the guard.

Dark Eldar/Eldar: Hard to find, even harder to drag down, but rich in nutrients. Good genes for producing synapse creatures, zoanthropes in particular.

Marines/Chaos Marines: Tough adversaries. Boarding creatures sent against their ships will most likely be biomass lost. Should be surrounded and overwhelmed on the ground. Genes useful for tough creatures, like tyrant guard.

Orks: A nearly endless food supply, provided you don't let the engagement drag on long enough for them to become overwhelming in numbers.

Daemons: Are inedible. Avoid if possible.

Necrons: Have no genes. However, their minerals may be used for the creation of regenerating chitin or razor sharp claws. Most of them dissappear when killed, so the gain is questionable considering the energy spent to bring them down. It is better to not actively search for them, but do not ignore them if you find them either.

Tyranids: Fight them when you find them. It will test to see which has the superior genes.

08-11-2008, 05:36
Well ... as an Ork Warboss my thoughts would be as follows:

Panzees (all types of eldar) are weak and few. They are silly.

Fisheads (Tau) are weak and few. But shooty. I like em!

Tinboys (Necrons) are weak and few. But they often get back up for anuver go!

Kaos (Chaos, duh!) has marine boys and demon fings and lots of silly humies. They put up a good fight sometimes.

Bugeyes (Tyranids) are many and some of em are dead ard and strong. I like em!

Humies (Imperium of Humanity) are da bestest enemy an Ork can have! Dey have everyfing, marine boys, krazy sistas, lots of tanks and ships and humies wif guns. And da best fing iz, dey iz EVERYWHERE. Orkz give da best fights but if you are ever bored and wanna fight sumfing else, humies are easy to find and are always good for a scrap!

Fire Harte
08-11-2008, 15:06
Great thread, I like a lot of these!

My Orky Perspective (Yup another one! :evilgrin:)

UMIES!!- Stoopid squishy fingys, deyz goodz ter fightz, an' as lotz of gubbinz! But der WAAAAGH!!s are odd, not enuffs speed in 'em!

ELDaR- WOT!? Ya think umies are squishy!? Dese are 'older' umies, better at doin' fings, but notz enuff of 'em! Gotz good gubbinz, takez a good mek ta get it wurkin' though!

Space Marines- Mega armoured umies are good, deyz got da flashy gear an' all of dose good gubbinz! Deyz be less dan dem cissy older umies (see Eldar) but dey can stop 'ole WAAAGH!!s in wun go!

Chaos Ladz- Just anuvver group of cissy umies, deyz sumtimes gotz dem daemon fingys to, good fightz. Deyz also got Mega-Umies to, but dey worship Corn, 'ow oddz that?

Daemonz- Wot!?, dese are just Mega-Umies withowt da armour and gubbins, still all cutty though.

Necronz- METAL UMIEZ!! Dese Umies are wusses, deyz keep vanishin'!

Tau- BLUE UMIES!! Dere gunz and gubbinz are betta though, but dey need dem krooty-boyz to do all da fightin'! Deyz also got sum killa kanz, but dey don't go a choppin'! Big wusses deyz are!

Tyranids- Bugz!! Deyz comez in great numbaz, good fer a long long fightz, dey also know 'ow ter do it to! Dey az good WAAAGH!!s, but notz as good as ourz!


08-11-2008, 15:12
So, is your assumption here that Orks are so stupid that they think all races are just different type of human?

I'd give them a little more credit, and intelligence that that! *lol*

08-11-2008, 16:49
From my LATD Army view

Chaos Marines/ Lost and the Damned- Could be Useful Allies, As long they don't start screwing with us....*glares at Tzzencth*

Orks- When Manuplatied right, perfect Cannon Fooder....

Dark Edlar- Untrustworthy, greedy, and is likely to take your men for slaves....

Imperuim- Best place to find a fight....

08-11-2008, 18:40
From the personal journal of Typhus the Wanderer:

"In my attempt to send the blessings of our majestic Grandfather across the universe, we have encountered a great many dominant species, with varieng results.

Against Space Marines - Our bitter enemy, the brainwashed lapdogs of the false emperor. Their bodies are ours, and very few diseases can stand against them. However, I discovered that the Destroyer Plague is as effective as it is on us. Without the aid of our Beloved God, no armour nor power can protect their pure bodies.

Against other humans - They catch diseases very rapidly, but their immune system responds quikly, and their birth rate ensures that even my finest plagues is incapable of destroying a single Hive... with one exception.
If used correctly, the Zombie Plague that I am so proud of will quikly decaminate the lower classes, and by the time the slow bureacrats respond, it will be too late to stop the tide of the living dead.

Against Orks - Their immunity is even worse then that of our hated brothers. Not even the Destroyer or Red Pox plagues do a great deal of dammage.
If it is deemed neccesary, virus bomb the planet, but only in the most dire circumstances can these holy weapons be used.

Against Necrons - Leave them. They are completeley immune, not a threat, and have nothing of any value.
(scribbled in later) However... their technollogy harbours microscopic robotic organisms. Could these be employed as mechanical bio weaponry? I shall have to discuss this with the Dark Mechanicus once we return to the Eye.

Against Tau - Their homeworld never knew any great plagues, and their advanced and clean technollogy ensures they come very little into contact with micro-organisms. A pretty standard disease can whipe them out to extinction. The tricky part is finding a way around their sterile technollogy... perhaps a modified bacteriophagus can slip through?

Against Eldar - Turning an entire Craftworld into a dead plague ship is tempting, but too risky. Virtually nothing is known about their resistance to disease, put on hold untill we know more.
Note: Letting an abandoned Plague Ship crash on one might work, but can we afford to loose even one vessel?

Against Tyranids - While they evolve rapidly, they are no match for the speed our Lord creates new life. So far, not a single of Great Nurgle's worlds has fallen to the Tyranids due to the vast numbers of virusses, bacteria and parasites we unleash upon them, wave after wave.
But, no matter how easy we dispose of them, our enemies have to invest a great deal of resources just to survive such an invasion. Best we re-direct them to our targets, perhaps infected with a disease that has no effect on them, but is lethal to their primary target?"

Fire Harte
08-11-2008, 19:17
So, is your assumption here that Orks are so stupid that they think all races are just different type of human?

I'd give them a little more credit, and intelligence that that! *lol*

Meh, if the first thing he has encountered is a 'Umie' and things look similar to the 'Umies', and as orks have no real education, I based it on the fact that the ork will call anything 'Umie Like' a 'Umie' because they are all squishy gits and have similar anatomy etc blah blah blah.

I never said orks were stupid, but they are simplistic in nature. :)

Besides, it is all fun eh? :angel:


Like it a lot so far guys, I shall do another one later if this thread is still going strong.

08-11-2008, 19:43
From my Tyranid perspective?:


From my Space Marine perspective?:

Death to the enemies of the Emperor!

From my Chaos Marine Perspective?:

They are all but pawns in the Great Sorcerer's plans...

08-11-2008, 20:41
My IG battlegroup commander. Yes, I break the OP :p

Orks: Greenskin filth, yet possibly the most favourable of all opponents: There are no hidden agenadas, they just wish to fight, not always head on, but they won't, no, can't refuse a fight. They might not be the most intelligent, but if you consider them dumb, I'll consider you dead.

Eldar: Fickle, though they can be trusted to fight alongside you when fighting the 'Great Enemy', they can decide to bomb your house because of a reason only the Emperor knows, and they, probably. When they show up, wtach your back, not just for them, **** tends to hit the fan.

Dark Eldar: I have had the 'honor' in fighitng a peculiar sub-sect of Eldar, most people tend to cover these two in one go, but there are differences. A dangerous foe yet not without weakness, they die as easily as you or me and their craft, although incrediably fast are equally vulnerable. Adapt to them, they tend to strike too fast for you to gain the initiative, instead yous hould fight hard and pry it from their cold, dead hands, then kick them back under whatever emperor-forsaken hole they came from.

Tau: Though they have flashy toys, -those railguns can be quite problematic for our tanks-, they are quite often very reluctant to commit themselves into battle, seize the initiative and keep pounding them. Though disciplined, the mayhem a full-blown battle brings unnerves them, use this, shatter their skies.

Tyranids: Can be quite problematic, the big ones just refuse to lay down and die.

Chaos Marines: Damn these traitors, never give an inch, they occasionally have warp-spawn as allies, keep them away from your lines or you will find yourself overrun quick enough.

Daemons: Warp spawn, even the fragile looking scissorladies can shrug off a battlecannon hit on a bad day, when they appear, **** has already hit the fan: deal with it, you'll probably not be able to rely on long-range tactics since they tend to appear on your doorstep.

Necrons: Toasters? Peh, either their ranks are shattered by a good barrage or your men and vehicles are dismantled piece by piece: hit them hard, but don't be afraid of taking a few steps back if that brings you outside the range of their odd, but deadly weapons.

09-11-2008, 00:13
From the perspective of my Lord of Change Adorewind

Chaos Space marines: These are very helpfull at times, their emotions and worship makes us strong, but beware it is not just uss that are helped, the other gods and my rival Lords of Change are empovered as well, the key is to find the ones that worship the wrong deamons and coorupt them or if the former can not be done, destroy them. They are brave and good warriors but when they see their gods turn against them they can often be easily defeated.

Space Marines:The followers of the emperor, these are the resistant ones that didnīt fell along with Horus, they are still far from impossible to corrupt thoug. They have put too much fate in the emperor wich will give them a harder time when he falls.

Imperial Guards: Aaah....the emotions they bring, they are also easily corrupted. They are fairly useless but our soulgrinder favors them as an oponent, gives him plenty of material to send to the forge of souls.

Orks:These feed the offspring of Khorne, they are not a favored race and they are way to numerous, killing of a few would be good but it must be done with finesse, a killed Ork makes many new, turning a group into spawns or sending them screaming into the warp is usefull tactics to truely get rid of them.

Necrons: Unimportant, they create no emotions within the warp and their effects on the rest of the world is rarely big enough to matter for uss.

Eldar:Pitifull creatures, they were the ones to create Slaanesh and are now so terryfied of uss that they specialise themselves on a single aspect of life not to feed uss emotions, a more pitifull creature is hard to find, they shall still be killed.

Dark Eldar: These feed uss extreme emotions on a regular basis and rarely does anything that has an important effect in the universe, leave them alone unless you have to interact with them.

Tyranids:Simple animals is what they are, but they are controlled, the hive minds can be felt within the warp and they are not welcome. When striking against the Tyranids attack their "synapse creatures" without them they become no threat.

Tau:An intresting race, it will be fun to corrupt them. Their empire is made up of different races wich can be made fight each other.

Deamonhunters:Hated foes that can not be left alone but are dangerous to attack, the chaos space marines come in handy here.

09-11-2008, 11:50
Besides, it is all fun eh? :angel:


;) For sure!

09-11-2008, 12:35
From the eyes of Captain Ariston Valar of the Word Bearers.

Other Chaos Space marines: Can sometimes be swayed to the cause, but generally are to proud to see the folly of their ways. Unfaithful blasphemers the lot of them, hardly better than the loyalist dogs who serve the false Emperor.

All the Xenos of the universe: They are all unworthy of even hearing the Word, and all stand in the way of humanity's manifest destiny. The great crusade did not end with our uprising, only how it was to be achieved. All Xenos are humanity's enemies, and should be dealt with as such.

Orks: The greenskin filth. The vermin of the universe. Orks are everywhere, and are always ready for battle. They ensure the weak are weeded out, for there will always be war.

Necrons: An unknown foe. Advanced beyond comprehension, still, they lack faith, and without faith they are doomed from the start.
(If Captain Valar knew about the Necron plans to seal the warp from reality, I think he would asses them differently.)

Eldar: Arrogant fools! Though their numbers are dwindling, they are still a force to be reckoned with. Many a plan has been foiled by these meddling Xenos.

Dark Eldar: A random force in the universe. They are hard to pin down, but when you do, they break as easily as a child.

Tyranids: Can not be swayed by the Word, and attack without numbers. These pose a severe threat to humanity, and should be exterminated at all cost.

Tau: Though their weapons are formidable, they lack the nerve for proper combat. Their lines fold easily when faced with the daemons of our Gods! They are outclassed by our battle-brothers in any close-proximity engagement.

09-11-2008, 13:24
from the point of veiw of non-aligned humans if you get my meaning(non chaos/imperium)

Imperium/chaos: just wish these religous fruitcakes would just bugger off

Tau: for the last time we're happy on or own just take your pamphlets somewhere else

Necrons: scary things, hope they stay distracted

Tyranids: proof that cockroaches are the only things that will survive

Orks: always up for a fight and they think we are to, best avoided

Eldar: keep claimng we're stealing their land, then calling us monkeys

Dark eldar: unpleasent in the extreme

09-11-2008, 14:15
Imperium: Blind followers of the False Emperor! Weaklings! Ignorant of the gifts they may be rewarded from the ruinous powers!
Tyranids: The devourer of worlds! A threat that must be stopped! May Nurgle's pestilent touch reduce them to rot!
Dark Eldar: The reason Slaanesh- Yet another false god was born. Death to them all!
Eldar: Arrogant, traitorous, and untouched by chaos... For now...
Orks: Weak minded, easily manipulated. Convince them to do your bidding, and you have a worthy ally... That is until they have destroyed your enemies... Than YOU destroy THEM!

- Zrir'Goth, Nurglitch Daemon Prince.

Col. Tartleton
09-11-2008, 14:17
As a Tau Commander: *Puts on Cambodian Accent*

The Imperium of Man: The Human race is a sadly misguided one. They are noble warriors who are incredibly brave in the face of death. This however can be attributed foremost to the death cult that they engage in. These simple beliefs apply to their entire existence and they are backwards looking. We will show them the light of the Ko'vash Tau'va. They will have no such say in the matter...

The "Adeptus Astartes": The biologically enhanced Gue'la are the most lethal weapon in the Imperial Arsenal. However they are no match in number or ability for our battle suits. They regrettably must be purged, they are unable to be shown the truth, they are far too indoctrinated in the Imperial Death Cult.

The Eldar: Wise and Noble warriors. They are incredibly deceitful and seem to pathologically lie to us in every encounter. They scheme the downfalls of civilizations. They cannot be brought into the Ko'vash Tau'va. They cannot be trusted. Leave them for the Por and the wisdom of the Aun. When I encounter them there shall be blood.

The Necrons: Rumors men; lies... There is nothing to fear of these unliving ghosts. They do not exist. We have heard of them only from the Eldar, and they cannot be taken at their word.

Chaos: Inter-dimensional entities created from the emotions of the Human Psyche... Are You Daft! Such fantasies the dream worlds of the Por literature made of. There is no credence in such idle contemplation. It is even less reasonable then the cult of the "Emperor." Shut your ears to such damnable warnings, take no heed. They are simply a tool by our enemies to incite fear.

Orks: Simple barbarians. They are good at brutal and uncivilized fighting. Looking beyond that will lead you on the path that Shovah did tread. Do not take them lightly, but show them no fear and they will be overcome with our technology. They often hide an trump card, so be wary of their animal cunning.

Tyranids: Cockroaches! We shall purge the beasts. They are a force of unbound nature. We will bring it to heel. The Greater Good demands it. There can be no error or they will return stronger. They are the greatest threat to the Empire and must be treated as such. They are utterly alien and of no value to our coalition.

09-11-2008, 23:19
From potential Ork warboss Toof Breaka

Marines/Chaos marines: Dese boys are tuff.. bring da choppas! Waaagh!

eldar: dem pointy ears, are all fasta, not just the red ones! n dese sneaky gits

Tau: dem bluies fast, big and sneaky gits, dey dont like choppas

Necrons: dem shiny boyz are tuff! Dayz got sparkly gunz and all, but dayz alwayz run away

"Nids: Hey burna boyz! Time for a BBQ!

13-11-2008, 19:27
From my Tyrand's view:

Chaos - Insufficient pure DNA for our creatures. may be able to use weapon technologies to improve our own. Sonic Spore Mines? Hmm...

Daemons - May be absorbed to improve bio-ship's warp tech.

Eldar - Good psychic base template. Potent psychic weaponry. 'Wraithbone' is a useful substance from what we have assimilated so far.

Dark Eldar - Best prey yet. The fact that they drink others' souls makes very interesting genetic structure.

Imperial Guard - Useless-have nothing that we don't already.

Space Marines - Very interesting. Not enough to use their gene-seed as gaunt biomorphs but Tyranid warriors may make use of it.

Tau - Rely too much on technology to be any genetic use.

Necrons - Nota reliable food source. Will hope thay sleep through our conquest so that we may cleanse their worlds at a later date. Not much of a problem: can only damage our small vanguard fleets (codenamed Kraken, Behemoth and Leviathan).

Orks - Tough genes. Enough of them to use there DNA to enhance our own 'Gaunt' genus.

13-11-2008, 21:52
I thought the point was to prioritize the threats, not just summarize the view of each race. So that's the way I'm approaching this particular endeavor from my Warboss's perspective.

Orkz: Dey all gotta follow me or else dis WAAAAGH ain't goin' nowhere.

Bugz: Youz ain't gonna believe dis! Dese bugz is gettin' ridda all da 'umiez! Dey must be ded 'ard, and der iz so many uv dem! And dey come in GREEN!

Tinheadz: 'Ave you seen dat dakka? Da mekz wud luv ta gettahold uv dose! Iv we cud get wonna dose floaty t'ings wez cud paint it red ta make it go fasta.

Green Boyz (Dark Angels): Dey cheated last fight. Dey kept makin' us look up for dose "Fallin'" angelz. Nuttin' wuz fallin' so dey owe us a rematch.

Fish'eadz: Dey so much fun, all dat dakka and gubbinz ta make da bikez go fasta.

Daemons: Dey almost as much fun as fish'eads, but dey are much 'arder ta find.

'Umies and Beakies: Dey pretty good practice, da spiky ones get stuck in more, but dere's so many it's easy ta find a fight iv dere isn't anyt'ing betta.

Panzees: Boring, cheatin' no fun unless ya can catch 'em and get stuck in. Den dey pretty fun to bash.

15-11-2008, 00:35
The opinion of a loyal and revolutionary Rebel Grot:

Imperial Guard:

Weapons! Seriously, the humans make allies, and even better "people who we can steal stuff from." They aren't very revolutionary; they always obey the man, but they have some really big tanks and they just.. have.. like.. big guns. On them. So if you steal them you can blow up the oppression. There's a lot of these guys, and they all have stuff, but if there's too many then they shoot you and you don't get any stuff.

Space Marines:

Space Marines are like the human version of... nobs, I think. Or something. They have a lot of armor. You can steal their stuff when their dead, but if they're still alive they have really good ear-using abilities and will probably shoot you. They're guns are really heavy, but they make stuff explode with the bullets. If you see a whole bunch of them, they won't really go chase if you just run away. So it's not like they're too bad.


DON'T TRUST THESE GUYS. Seriously. They'll say they want to be your friend, but then they'll want you to, like, work in a factory or something. Just like a factory all day. How is that revolutionary? (That was a trick question, because it's not revolutionary, it's just being a factory all day, and you might not even be making guns or anything).

Seriously, at least the oppression would let you, like, go outside or something. And also the Tau want you to talk about "The Even Better" or something, and you should be talking about the glorious revolution against oppression. If you see these guys you should beat them up and take their stuff. Seriously.


Okay so these guys are kind of like squigs, except they're all, like, friends or something. And they just go around eating everything, but they don't eat each other because they're too friendly. I don't know what else to say about these guys. I guess if you leave food sitting out they might come after it. They don't actually have "things" that you can really take. They have guns, but they're arm guns, that shoot worms, and if you try and shoot one it doesn't work, because the worms don't like you, or something.

Chaos Daemons:

The thing to remember about these guys is that they just come right out of the air. Like BOOM they're there. There are 4 different types of daemon: Red guys who stab you, Blue guys who have too many face-parts, Green guys who are really in bad shape and I don't even know what they are supposed to be doing in a fight when they should probably be at home, and Purple guys who look sort of like Elders but with lobster hands.

Apparently there are chaos gods of killing everyone and setting you on fire, but there is also one who is just sick all the time, and one who just, like, dances. And sings. That's just what he does. Sings and dances. Some are also really big. Humans are scared of them, even the ones that aren't that big. I don't think you can take stuff from them, but I heard that you can like, make a drawing, and then you give the drawing and they do what you say? Or something? I'm going to try that actually.

Chaos Space Marines:

These are pretty much the same as Space Marines, but they also have, like tentacles. They're supposed to be stronger because of the tentacles, but then they can't hold a gun in their tentacle hand, so I don't know what they're really thinking. Chaos Marines also have daemons as their friends. They try and oppress humans, so you probably shouldn't go try and work for them or they'll oppress you. Also, if you steal their stuff, some of them have magic swords that just kill everyone. I'm still looking for one. I heard that they can even, like, talk and yell at people during fights, which would be cool.


These guys are kind of like the Revolutionary Inspectors, except they're for the humans. Aren't revolutionary, but they have a boss who just sits down all the time. He doesn't even get up for snacks or anything. And he wants to tell the humans what to do, but if they're not right next to his chair then he can't make them do anything, so he has his guys walk around and make people do what he says. The weird thing is, couldn't his guys just tell people to do whatever, and their boss wouldn't even know? Because he's never going to get off the chair, so his guys could just be telling people to do anything. That's what happens when you're just lazy like that.


Elders are like humans, but they have pointy ears. They think that their pointy ears are so cool, even though we have pointy ears, and even the oppression does too, so I don't get it. They don't like planets, because planets can't run away from people. Because they're in space. So instead the Elders make ships (which are also in space), and fly around hoping nobody beats them up and takes their stuff. If you see any of them, you should beat them up and take their stuff.

Also, they get really sad if you break their necklaces, even the ones that are men! Their guns aren't very loud, but they shoot knives so it's kind of neat, and they might give you some if you give them their necklaces back.

Dark Eldar:

Dark Elders are trying to really scary, like a mean squig, only scarier. They cover themselves in spikes, and probably hurt themselves a lot. Instead of killing you, they put you in boxes and oppress you, because they think it's really scary to be put in a box and poked with sticks. It's probably just really annoying, and it would probably be scarier if they just shot you like everyone else. They fly around in big triangles, but you can blow the triangles up really easy, so I don't know why they don't get tanks or something. You can take their stuff, but I can't even really find these guys anywhere.


These guys are like Killa Kans, only instead of being kans they're being skeletons. They shoot lasers from their laser guns, and if you shoot them, they fix themselves, even if they were already shot. If you really blow them up though, they can't find all the pieces. Some of the necrons try and dress up like humans, but they don't really look like humans, so they're kind of stupid. The humans just run away when they see the necrons with sheets of human on their heads. That's not how you disguise yourself; you got to be more sneaky than that. When they get scared they turn into green, and run off. They usually take their laser guns with them, though.


The oppression! Their time is over! "Ay! Runt! Git me mah choppa!" Well I'll get you your choppa. I'll get you chopped right in the face! Orks are stupid, and slow, and ugly. They spend their whole lives living in jealousy of us, and they try and oppress us because they feel so bad about how not cool they are. Well that's not going to happen any more! We're going to gun down every last one of those things until they realize who really rules the galaxy!

Viva la Revolution!


15-11-2008, 00:42
All the "like" in that just made me think of the Turtles from Finding Nemo..

15-11-2008, 00:46
Yeah, I have trouble believing grots can hold one train of thought for a significant amount of time.

Also, only 1/3 of my post even showed up! I edited the rest in.