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ArtificerArmour
02-12-2005, 19:47
Ok, ok. Today, in a sheer loss of consciousness, reason and/or sanity, I spent £4.50 student discount included on a ticket the newest release, Doom.

I was actually looking forward to it. It was something, as an old first person fragger myself, felt may entertain me. I also, unfortunately, regard myself as a bit of a pub film critic. Now, behold, in spoiler mode, how my two beings intertwined and did battle within the arena of my mind.

Plot
the plot was sheer rubbish. I actually thought whilst watching it that it could have been made in the 80’s with no loss of affect – perhaps a little bit of increased affect. It was a mixture of Alien, Aliens, Alien 3 and abit of genetic engineering monstrosities that you may find in…my God…Alien: Resurrection. Add abit of stargatey “people from an ancient civilisation made travel technology so we can get to Mars super quick without actually having a great knowledge of stuff” and away we go. Mind you, we didn’t buy unreal tournament/quake 3/postal for the plot, did we? No siree, we bought it for the satisfaction of unloading a full clip into the head of…well, something.

Cast
Again, a bit iffy. The Rock, a superb talent, didn’t do himself justice, I feel. Karl “I remember what you did last year!” Urban was decent enough as Mr. Reaper (btw, you may wonder why I said the little sentence in between his names. I’ll let you in on a secret, this guy was in chronicles of riddickia – the bald guy, the bitch and the dark wardrobe. That film was viewed by myself around a year ago, and was very **** poor. He was also Eomer, in LOTR. Pub fact!). Everyone else was what they could gather with the remaining 5% of the casting budget. Exception: Dexter “I was in gamesmaster once” Fletcher was in it. I have no idea why. But again, his talent was pretty wasted. Infact, most of the acting talent in this film was…really, really awful.
But who these guys played! That’s the corker. We have the rookie, the bible bashing self harming quotey dude, quagmire from family guy, two gratuitously stereotypical black guys and the girl who gave reaper a reason to fight there. Terribly unoriginal.

CGI
As I mentioned earlier, the special effects were not so great. Nothing we havn’t seen before. The death scenes were unoriginal, the monsters weren’t particularly scary or anything. There were only three types of weapons used. Chaingun, pistol, BFG. Not the doom I remember! Even the makeup used to cover up the rock’s tattoos was so poor you could still see them!

In defence
Nothing really. I love FPS, I love horror movies. I did not like this film. F-bombs aplenty, yet toned down to appeal to the geeky 15year old online masses. The part when it goes into first person mode grating against my spine. However, I enjoyed parts of it. Total stupid one liner/Commanding Officer buzzwords were used (We’re going in hot!; If it breaths kill it! etc) and even the first few moments, though promising, lead us to the rock being told of his mission. It went roughly something like this:

Rock: Hunt?
Voice: Yes
Rock: With predjudice?
Voice: With extreme predjudice. Maybe even search and destroy!

Sorry, I’ll let my action-hard-on subside before I finish this review up.


The end?
Whose idea was it to finish the film with a fist fight? It’s DOOM! My mate said it should have finished 20minutes early, he was right, but then we wouldn’t have seen the Rock flex his pecs.

Verdict: 2 wibbly eggs out of 5. Leave you brain at home.

Inquisitor Engel
02-12-2005, 19:54
I wrote a review of it for the paper, it wasn't QUITE as negative as yours, and I can't spoil things for the paper, but there you go. ;)

http://www.warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14651

I'm glad we agree though. ;)

ArtificerArmour
02-12-2005, 19:57
i'm not saying all of the film was negative, some bits were quite enjoyable. but they were long and far between. guess i should have used my necromancy powers by digging up your thread - for us Brits Doom's just been released on our shores today.

El_Machinae
02-12-2005, 21:25
During the preview, the theatre was laughing. I know that people laughing during a preview can be either a good sign or a bad sign. And, after the preview, I didn't know what the producers would have thought about people laughing. My friend leaned over and said.

"You know what would be funny? If this movie was 'good'. As in 'winning an Oscar' good. That would be funny"

Cade
02-12-2005, 23:13
Is it as bad as Super Mario Bros. the movie?

Video games do not become movies. It's a bad idea.

Also, movies show not become video games. Also a recipe for ****-poor products.

The pestilent 1
02-12-2005, 23:16
Is it as bad as Super Mario Bros. the movie?

Video games do not become movies. It's a bad idea.

Also, movies show not become video games. Also a recipe for ****-poor products.


Goldeneye 007.
Admitedly the exception that proves the rule...

Ravening Wh0re
03-12-2005, 01:29
Is Also, movies show not become video games. Also a recipe for ****-poor products.

Indeed. Xwing/TIE-fighter, Chronicles of Riddick, and Goldeneye were all soooo poor.....

Adept
03-12-2005, 02:54
Hot chicks? Check

Big guns? Check

Gribbly aliens/monsters? Check

Cool characters/musclebound 'sarge' types? Check

Comic relief? Check

This movie scores five out of five.

:0)
03-12-2005, 03:28
[words]

Comic relief? Check

This movie scores five out of five.
Why do people go to an action movie where daemons are now killing hundreds of people, and it's dark, and the marines have lots of guns, and expect comedy? I never understood this.

It just seems similiar to people who are not satisfied in a book unless it has pictures in it. Are they neccesary for a good story? Absolutely not. Why do we need comedy relief in a dark, hellish setting where creatures and the dead are on the prowl?

Adept
03-12-2005, 08:12
It just seems similiar to people who are not satisfied in a book unless it has pictures in it. Are they neccesary for a good story? Absolutely not. Why do we need comedy relief in a dark, hellish setting where creatures and the dead are on the prowl?

:eyebrows:

Erm, because it's funny? Given that the movie is not serious to begin with, it's good to have a chuckle now and then. It's not destroying any mood, because the script pretty much failed to deliver one anyway.

ArtificerArmour
03-12-2005, 08:27
Hot chicks? Check

care to point me to them? being only one lady in the film (who had peanut packing throughout, however)

Big guns? Check

a big gun. my main beef with doom being the lack of guns!

Gribbly aliens/monsters? Check

i wasn't really that impressed with them, when you think what toys they had to play with - cyber demons, anyone?

Cool characters/musclebound 'sarge' types? Check

the characters were grating and straight out of the horror/marine parody sketch book.

Comic relief? Check

comically poor, perhaps. but even this was a bit lacking.

This movie scores five out of five.

glad you don't work for film review 2005 :p

lord_blackfang
03-12-2005, 09:04
What the heck did you expect?

It's a movie made after a game. A game with no NPCs, plot, sense or logic. Did you expect an Oscar-worthy wartime drama? :eyebrows:

Given what they had to work with (=nothing), the movie was pretty decent. At least it had more logic to it than Resident Evil.

Inquisitor Maul
03-12-2005, 09:34
No Cyberdemon. That is the biggest crime ever :cries:

And mutated humans instead of Demons from hell. This movie just pissed me off :mad:

vipertaja
03-12-2005, 09:39
Wow...no hell in doom?
Isn't hell supposed to be just about the whole point of doom in the first place?
And I had such hopes...though I admit I forgot about the whole movie. :p

ArtificerArmour
03-12-2005, 09:54
What the heck did you expect?

It's a movie made after a game. A game with no NPCs, plot, sense or logic. Did you expect an Oscar-worthy wartime drama? :eyebrows:

Given what they had to work with (=nothing), the movie was pretty decent. At least it had more logic to it than Resident Evil.

it was just an alien rippoff - that's the point. so much stuff in Doom could be used, but it was all wasted. if the film hadn't the Doom name on it it wouldn't have been made.

Wiseman
03-12-2005, 11:13
the only plot the game had, a portal to hell opens up on mars, go kill stuff was half lived up to, they went and killed stuff. So from a game with next to no plot they created a watchable movie, with more plot then the game, that most people didnt mind watching. Could always be worse, thye couldve just filmde someone playing the game for 3hours and played it like that, that wouldve been a travesty

vipertaja
03-12-2005, 11:22
the only plot the game had, a portal to hell opens up on mars, go kill stuff was half lived up to, they went and killed stuff. So from a game with next to no plot they created a watchable movie, with more plot then the game, that most people didnt mind watching. Could always be worse, thye couldve just filmde someone playing the game for 3hours and played it like that, that wouldve been a travesty

I still think it's a dumb move to leave out hell from a game about hell.
It's like leaving out zombies from resident evil...and simply having troublesome
neighbours bothering the mansion instead.

Bah...I'll likely see the movie anyway.

Iuris
03-12-2005, 12:33
I don't know, I managed to salvage quite some enjoyment from the most criticized movies, like AvP. I hope my cousin has the time so we can go and see it this weekend.

P.S. He called right now. His wife demands he go see Harry Potter first...

Adept
03-12-2005, 18:56
P.S. He called right now. His wife demands he go see Harry Potter first...

He won't be dissapointed. The Goblet of Fire was a fantastic film.

With regards to the Hell and Demons theme in Doom: Frankly, it's easier to justify genetically mutated monster scientists than it is the entire Christian religion. Saying there is a hell with demons and the devil means there must be heaven with angels and god. And who wants to open that can of worms when freaky monster men is so much easier?

Despite my previously tongue in cheek post, I really quite enjoyed Doom. It was a very watchable action flick, with nifty technology, cool special effects, no girly attempts at deep character development (because frankly, who cares? We just want to see the characters be tough and kill stuff). The plot wasn't completely stupid. While it was no (insert suitably deep oscar winning movie here), it explained itself pretty well and didn't try to be something it wasn't.

The pestilent 1
03-12-2005, 22:34
No you dont; A hell dimension is required.
Dont mention the Devil, just have a few Cyberdemons.

Buffy managed hell dimensions with but one vague mention of "a better place" from which she was unceremoniously ripped by Necromancy.
She gained her powers to fight the forces of hell... from a bound demon.

Pretty bleak -no-heaven-for-you outlook.

Yog Sogoth
03-12-2005, 23:44
What about vampires? I'm sure everyone has a favorite vampire flick. My point is you don't have to justify anything, it's a movie.

With that said, Doom sucked. Every aspect of the movie was bad, with the exception of the first person scene (which lasted five minutes). In my opinion it has bad:

Plot
Acting
CGI
Monsters
Directing
Diologue
ect.

The whole movie was really pathetic in its failure to be anything. All I want to see is mindless violence, its Doom after all. Had the whole movie been the first person stuff it would have been good.

I'll give you the point that the scientest was hot, but I don't go to movies to ogle women. Theres much better venues for that.

C. Langana
05-12-2005, 00:10
Doom is an awful film, terrible. Sober.
However, get really ripped and its not all that bad, its excellent friday night viewing in fact.
Even then I was disgusted with the fisticuffs. Actually, I'm going to write my own doom film for my personal enjoyment.

nevermore
06-12-2005, 10:12
I went to see this film after half a bottle of absinthe and had nightmare the following night!!! :cries: