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garth40k
02-03-2009, 01:53
ok before i post this i must let you know this is my first attempt and im rubish at stories as you will most probably see. I want everyone to rip this apart for me and set me straight on any parts that just suck. lol.



INQUISITOR RAMIUS TALAK


Born on the hive world, Cornis Agathon, Ramius was noticed to be a special child for as long as anyone could remember. As a child he was able to round up others and persuade them to do things that they would not normally be interested in doing. Even at such an early age Ramius had a noble feel about about him. His parents weren't anything special. His mother was a typical house wife and his father worked as a handy-man.
In his early teens Ramius, as all kids do, learnt how to fire a weapon and his father taught him the basics of sword fighting. Althought his father was no expert Ramius learnt quickly and it wasnt long before he could easily defeat him. It was also at this age that Ramius started working for his father. He was somehow able to get the jobs that his father couldn't, simply by talking to people, they seems to believe what ever lie he told them without question.
It was about this time that he was noticed by a travelling inquisitor and taken as an apprentice. His father was against the idea of his only son being taken away to fight against people who had never actually bothered them. But something inside Ramius told him that he had to go. Ramius fled his parents house to meet with the wondering inquisitor.
Many years later, after Ramius had left his trainer and was an Inquisitor himself, he was told some news that would shape the rest of his life. His parents had been exacuted in the name of the imperium. He was told that his father was found as a heratic and his mother tried to defend him. Ofcourse Ramius didn't believe a word of this. He just couldn't believe his own father would go against the imperium and set out to prove his beliefs. He became obsessed with the task, holding on at the brink of madness he threw himself into his work. Everything else he was doing was put on hold and he devoted 40 years to trying to show that his father was not a heratic. Unfortunatly he could not. This drove him even further into madness. He was furious and sought revenge at any cost. He blamed himself for going against his fathers wishes and he blamed the powers of chaos. Even though Chaos was not to blame his Imperial training taught him that Chaos was the root of all evil. Therefor to him it makes sense that it had something to do with this.
Ramius has lost trust in the judment of people. He believe that people are too easily led and this will be the downfall of the imperium. He like to work with the week minded. He enjoys being in control of the people in his group and enjoy playing mind games with them.
Now in his old age Ramius has grown bored with life. Searching for a release and an enemy to who can finally put him at the emperors side. He has discarded all his power weapons and armour. Using only basic weapons and protecting only his chest he seeks out the hardest of enemies. If they can not kill him, at least he will be serving the emperor by riding his galaxy of scum.

Stats:

WS 75
BS 69
S 59
T 63
I 71
Wp 82
Sg 73
Nv 86
Ld 89

Right handed

equipment:
sword
staff
dueling pistol

Flak armour - chest

abilities:
Distraction
Enforce will
word of the emperor



any thoughts?? good? bad?? so bad you wanna rip your eyes out? :P
any help with this would be great.
G.:chrome:

FarseerMatt
04-03-2009, 11:55
I think the background you've given provides several interesting hooks for a campaign (as you can go for the story arc of Talak trying to vindicate his father, Talak on one of his personal crusades, or Talak seeking death).

Also most unusual (and therefore interesting) to see such a minimally-equipped inquisitor :)

garth40k
04-03-2009, 14:32
well the way I wanted him was like an old man justwaitng to die. The way I'm hoping he will stay alive is that the people he is with see him as a kind of father figure and owe him there lives. Therefor no matter how hard he seeks death there is always one f his companions to help him out of trouble.
I mght add some extra things to him. After all he is the leader of my warband LOL. Haven't decided what yet though.

Askil the Undecided
04-03-2009, 16:30
Please make it into paragraphs with spaces to facilitate easy reading.

Are you Dyslexic by any chance or where you just typing quickly?

Maybe you should try something like this?

INQUISITOR RAMIUS TALAK

Ramius Talak was born on the hive world Cornis Agathon. Ramius was noticed to be special for as long as anyone could remember. As a child he was able to round up others and persuade them to do things that they would not normally be interested in doing. Even at such an early age Ramius had an air of nobility about about him.

Ramius's parents weren't anything special. His mother was a house wife and his father worked in domicile maintainence. In his early teens Ramius, as all kids do, learnt how to fire a weapon and his father taught him the basics of sword fighting. Although his father was no expert Ramius learnt quickly and it wasn't long before he could easily defeat him. It was also at this age that Ramius started working for his father. He was somehow able to get the jobs that his father couldn't, simply by talking to people, they seems to believe what ever lie he told them without question.

It was about this time that he was noticed by a travelling Inquisitor and taken as an apprentice. His father was against the idea of his only son being taken away to fight against people who had never actually bothered them. But something inside Ramius told him that he had to go. Ramius fled his parents house to meet with the wondering Inquisitor.

Many years later, after Ramius had left his trainer and was an Inquisitor himself, he was told some news that would shape the rest of his life. His parents had been exacuted in the name of the Imperium. He was told that his father was found as a heretic and his mother tried to defend him. Of course Ramius didn't believe a word of this. He just couldn't believe his own father would go against the Imperium and set out to prove his beliefs. He became obsessed with the task, holding on at the brink of madness he threw himself into his work.

All Ramius's other duties were put on hold as he devoted 40 years to trying to show that his father was innocent. Unfortunatly he could not. His failure drove him even further into madness. He was furious and sought revenge at any cost. He blamed himself for going against his father's wishes and he blamed the powers of chaos. Even though Chaos was not to blame his Imperial training taught him that Chaos was the root of all evil in the galaxy. Therefore to him it makes sense that Chaos caused the deaths of his parents.

Ramius has lost trust in the judgement of people. He believes that people are too easily led and this will be the downfall of the Imperium. He prefers to work with the weak minded because he enjoys being in control of his group and regularly playing mind games with them.

Now in his old age Ramius has grown bored with life. Searching for a release and an enemy to who can finally put him at the Emperor's side. He has discarded all his power weapons and armour. Using only the most basic weapons and protecting only his chest he seeks out only the greatest of enemies, reasoning that if they cannot kill him he will at least be serving the Emperor by ridding his galaxy of such scum.

Now for critique.

There aren't really any handy-men in the Imperium that kind of loose self-employed jack-of-all trades arrangement just doesn't exist, especially not on a hive world. Ther people are generally ear-marked at birth for the profession of their parents.

Why did his father know how to sword fight?

Not all children in the Imperium learn to fire a gun. In fact many in the Imperium particularly in the main residential section of a hive world have never held a working gun.

Why after fourty years could he not find any evidence either way in the case of his father's execution or even the identity of those who executed him?

If he despises the weak willed and sees them as the gaeway to the downfall of the Imperium why does he work with them?

FarseerMatt
04-03-2009, 18:58
There aren't really any handy-men in the Imperium that kind of loose self-employed jack-of-all trades arrangement just doesn't exist, especially not on a hive world. Ther people are generally ear-marked at birth for the profession of their parents.

I suppose that would depend on the planet and how good their census records are. Also, there might be poorer areas of the underhive that the government doesn't bother so much with. People down there would have to make a living any way they could, and in a run-down underhive slum where new equipment is in short supply, you'd want someone on call to make sure your old stuff keeps running for as long as possible.



Not all children in the Imperium learn to fire a gun. In fact many in the Imperium particularly in the main residential section of a hive world have never held a working gun.

True, but they might in the rougher underhive.



Why after fourty years could he not find any evidence either way in the case of his father's execution or even the identity of those who executed him?

All that Garth40K said was that he was unable to find any evidence of his father's innocence (ie everything pointed to him being guilty, which drove Talak mad).



If he despises the weak willed and sees them as the gaeway to the downfall of the Imperium why does he work with them?

Probably because he wants to keep an eye on them and doesn't trust them when left to their own devices :p


So Garth, you got anything yet on the rest of his warband?

garth40k
05-03-2009, 12:18
Currently working on the rest of the warband. This is the very first character I've done so I wanted to see what response he got. Seems like I need to do more research LOL.

I know I'm having an ex-judge. Who talak saved from a chaos deamon who was about to kill him. So the judge owes him his life. That as much as I've thought about it so far.

Also I'm having the ships captain. A young female who has been passed from ship to ship as a sort of slave currency. But as she has been moved she has been observant whilst doing jobs on the bridge and learnt how to pilot (mainly due to a natural nak for it) and is now one of the best small craft pilots. Again that is as far as I've thought.

Thirdly I was thinkng of having a sniper. Either eldar or kroot. Just somone who has left there normal way of life and found themselves being hired by talak. LOL

Obviously as my first warband I have 2 none converted models. I have eisenhorn for talak. And the arbites judge for my ex-judge. LOL

G.