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malface
01-04-2009, 20:51
Hey everyone,

I'm starting up a new webcomic based on the 40k Universe next week. It follows the exploits of a squad of Cadian guardsmen and is called Gone To Ground (http://www.gonetoground.ca).

Yes, I do know about TSOALR's troubles, and that GW needs to hold a tight leash on its Intellectual Property... so I'm making sure to fall all the fansite rules and regulations.

Anyways, it should be a bit of fun, so check it out if you like!

doombanner
03-04-2009, 17:05
Hey everyone,

I'm starting up a new webcomic based on the 40k Universe next week. It follows the exploits of a squad of Cadian guardsmen and is called Gone To Ground (http://www.gonetoground.ca).

Yes, I do know about TSOALR's troubles, and that GW needs to hold a tight leash on its Intellectual Property... so I'm making sure to fall all the fansite rules and regulations.

Anyways, it should be a bit of fun, so check it out if you like!

I would make it a parody site, or better yet, a "generic space trooper" comic, so you can actually sell the damn thing after you've put so much work into the comic and the webhosting and all.

~Doom Banner

Emperor's Grace
08-04-2009, 17:13
I like it.

Will there also be a guy named "Hammie" like the kid in Baby Blues? :D

Templar Ben
08-04-2009, 17:32
I like it.

I am one of the resident HATERZ so take that as high praise.

Kodamas
08-04-2009, 17:46
Very well done. I'll be bookmarking this when I get home. One slight issue. Your subscribe link turns up gibberish!

hereticdave
08-04-2009, 19:15
Hey looks good! I'll add it to my list of sites :)

Cane
08-04-2009, 21:46
Looks great, nice first comic too. Glad to see Guardsmen getting some love.

Tyron
09-04-2009, 00:01
He has the GW logo at the bootm, wouldn't he need to take that off to be a parody site?

Verm1s
09-04-2009, 00:57
The drawing is nice. Everything else is horribly mediocre.


I would make it a parody site, or better yet, a "generic space trooper" comic, so you can actually sell the damn thing after you've put so much work into the comic and the webhosting and all.

I'd hazard that removing 40K references would remove it's biggest hope for an audience.

Rick_1138
09-04-2009, 11:30
The drawing is nice. Everything else is horribly mediocre.



I'd hazard that removing 40K references would remove it's biggest hope for an audience.

Wow, there's some real constructive criticism right there!:rolleyes:

I think it looks good, if it makes you chuckle, then it has done its job.

Best of luck:)

Verm1s
09-04-2009, 13:50
Hahahahaha.


Wow, there's some real constructive criticism right there!:rolleyes:

Well, it is. Maybe he should take a fresh look at it to see what is so mediocre. But if you want me to elaborate, I will. With my good friend tvtropes.org.
Before I do...


I think it looks good, if it makes you chuckle, then it has done its job.

... it made me groan. Is that part of it's job?

Let me put my Comic Book Guy hat on. Okay, here we go.

First, the name. Invokes a typical world-weary 'here we go again!' impression, promising future wackiness. Not too bad.

Opening it up: yup. Nicely designed page. Partial to the understatement myself.

The strip, first panel: go easy on the photoshop effects. They look good here but you don't want fanboys encouraging you to go as far as lens flares. Plus I'd predict it's going to get less and less fun to do when (if) you're on your hundredth strip for no compensation. With the flu. On a borrowed computer because yours blew up. And a bunch of fanboys baying for your blood because you didn't upload a new strip at the allotted time.

Bacon. Hmm. They have grills as standard in Imperial Valkyries?

Our second panel. The protagonists! Yay! Oh, look. One's the token girl (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheSmurfettePrinciple?from=Main.TokenGirl). Well, that's okay. Let's just hope she doesn't turn into the same old, creaky stereotype of Closer To Earth (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CloserToEarth) or You Go Girl (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YouGoGirl).

Panel three. Ah. Closer to Earth it is, then. Call it: April 7th, 2009. Phone Scott Kurtz and see if he wants to claim the body.

Moving on, protagonist B is the dumb one (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TooDumbToLive). Better and better. This makes me glance at the line-up where I can also make out people who're probably the angry sergeant (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DrillSergeantNasty), the pilfering slacker (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheSlacker), and, lo and behold! The token black guy (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TokenMinority)! And he's got a 'fro! And he's stickin' it to the man by misuse of platoon resources! Man, where were you when they were writing MASH? Can't wait to see if he starts talking Ghetto or Jive Turkey (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/JiveTurkey). Or I would if I wanted to stick around that long. A'ight? Knowumsayin?

Last panel.

That... that's it.

That's the joke?

Yow. :(

Scroll down to the obligatory bloggy-type thing. Ah. Turns out 'Bacon' was a reference to one of our wacky protagonists. Together they're known as Bacon and Eggs. Let me repeat that.

THEY'RE CALLED BACON AND EGGS.

This is the point I chew my own leg off to escape.

Conclusion? Same as above. Nice wacom work. Get yourself a writer.

Oh, wait. What's that in the 'about' page? He has a writer.

Oh dear.

sigur
09-04-2009, 13:58
I think it's ok. I don't expect 40k webcomics to be great. I like the drawing and the dialogue is amusing enough so far. If I may suggest something, just don't go for storylines or "whacky characters" to dominate the webcomic. If something drives me away from webcomics, it's "elaborate" storylines. Just stay on topic and ....well, I'm no webcomic guy but I think that you shouldn't aim to "make it a business". It probably won't work. But I think you're not out to do that anyway so have fun and keep on updating.

@Verm1s: Your first posting wasn't constructive criticism. Your second one was more OK.

spetswalshe
09-04-2009, 20:35
Three words, really - stick at it. Even the best webcomics have become much stronger with time.

Your art is pretty damn fine, but I second Verm's BACON AND EGGS??!? reaction. It actually seems pretty unlikely, given pork or pigs in general are rarely referenced in 40k fiction, and hence may not actually exist on a large scale (see; grox replacing cattle). A nice site, a good art style, but the first comic's writing is weak. I've no idea how long that first comic took you, but I'd probably say tone down the art and turn up the scripting - a weekly webcomic shouldn't take more than a couple of hours out of your life each time.

byteboy
12-04-2009, 11:10
HAHAHA! Nicely done. I enjoyed how the person did a double take on their armor. Very cool. Keep up the great work. We now have a webcomic featuring the adventures of Privates Bacon and Eggs. I will check up on their adventures from time to time.

5Pointer
12-04-2009, 17:08
Maybe you get a bacon like cut of meat from a Grox? :)

I actually liked it, better than TSOALR in any case.

sigur
12-04-2009, 17:20
Three words, really - stick at it. Even the best webcomics have become much stronger with time.
...

PvP? :eyebrows:


But I second the suggestion to keep working on your webcomic. You're doing well and I like the style of the drawings.

Verm1s
12-04-2009, 19:28
There's no accounting for taste.

Sigur: it was constructive. I mentioned what didn't need work, and what did. My fault if everything except one thing needs work? The style of the drawings is all it has going for it right now.
And it could be worse. I could be John Solomon.

It's not funny. It's like for Christmas one of these guys got a book titled 1001 Bad Webcomic Cliches and the other got 1001 Tired 40K In-Jokes. Then they got together and little bulbs went off above their heads. Dim ones.

When your grand sparkly fanfare debut involves the dumb guy and the crabby woman like so many (too many) third-rate sitcoms and webcomics, and the 'keep 'em coming back for more' punchline is "It also says the Emperor would adorn us in his finest armour", it's not going to make me dance and clap for joy. I don't care if it's full of references that a handful of geeks will get (I won't say 'laugh at' or 'enjoy', but there's no accounting etc.etc.), and well, I kinda care if the art is good or not (just in case you missed it: it is). But the art is not going to save it if the writing sucks. And it does.

What's the second installment going to involve?

Streaky McPork: "Gee Eggy! The Emperor must've made these lasguns real fine in his Golden Factory! They go straight through the orks without even leaving a hole!"
Chicken R. Egg: *Folds arms, rolls eyes, sighs* (It's called depth, people!) "You idiot, Streaky! The lasguns aren't affecting them at all! They're no stronger than..." *Turns to viewer* "...flashlights!"

Buhdum - tish! Or Wa-wa-wa-waaa! Or both. Cue Warseers rolling in the aisles because someone drew a picture to go with a creaky old meme.

Strike me down and call me part of a complete breakfast. That's some mighty fine jokesterin'. Maybe I should start a webcomic...

When TSOALR's demise was announced here I laughed at the suggestions that it could be a successful professional publication. The art was atrocious. But I enjoyed it and now I miss it more than ever if this is the scintillating wit to replace it. Despite (or because of) TS's art you could get behind the storylines and jokes and laugh at even the stupid ones, because they were stupid fun.
This? The art is something that many would be proud to achieve, let alone professionally produce. But the script is dull as dishwater.

Meriwether
12-04-2009, 20:36
I am inclined to agree with Verm1s. 'Attaboys' are poison in the publishing (and web publishing) industry... If you want to get better, take criticism for what it is: an attempt to be helpful. A nice critic is a useless critic -- even if you don't end up taking all of their advice, an honest critic is way better.

Lots of things that start off pretty bad end up being quite good -- so keep at it! Just keep in mind that trite =/= funny. tvtropes is a good site to *memorize*, so you know all the things to just NOT do -- unless you do them very deliberately and very carefully for comedic purposes. (Having a "token" black guy on each mission who serves as the 'red shirt' and always dies, for example, will have some people laughing, and others rolling their eyes and walking away. The question is, how many of each?)

#1. Removing the explicit 40K references would actually make it something you could make some money on. And not necessarily a small amount of money. This should not be overlooked, depending on what you want to get out of this. (Look at xkcd, for example... Brilliant, and now the guy's full time job.) With the amount of effort and energy you're going to be expending here, I wouldn't be ignoring the possible cash motive.

It is worth pointing out that less people will be inclined to look at it if it isn't "40K", but if it is a sufficiently obvious parody, nobody will care and you can draw much the same audience. If you include things like announcing the IG Codex release and stuff like that, people will very clearly get the idea without needing to be hit over the head with it.

2. PUT AN ADD ON TSOALR BEFORE IT ENDS FOR GOOD. Holy cow, that _is_ your target audience. If you have any intention of making a dime off of this product -- even just in advertising dollars -- you must take advantage of this opportunity. Do it do it do it!

Feel free to do whatever you like with my suggestions, up to and including completely ignoring them. :D

Meri

Templar Ben
12-04-2009, 23:13
I thought the point was he was trying to hit the cliches. That is what Order of the Stick is after all.

Acolyte
13-04-2009, 15:34
TSOLAR isn't very funny, either.

Meriwether
13-04-2009, 16:02
I thought the point was he was trying to hit the cliches. That is what Order of the Stick is after all.

Like I said, _deliberate inclusion_ of cliches can be fine, too. Humor is a funny thing (pun somewhat intended). ...but if included, it should definitely be deliberate.

It is harder to be funny with cliches than it is with something people have not seen before. Parodic work is some of the hardest to do _well_.

I wish them luck, most certainly! The public is a harsh critic, and always will be... But that doesn't mean you won't win enough over to make the project what you want it to be.

Meri

stroller
13-04-2009, 16:22
Oh dear. I'm afraid my whelm was undered. The art is nice enough, but I didn't laugh, and I looked for the next strip for when the punchline was coming. Oh. That's it.

Oh well, the art is nice enough....

yabbadabba
13-04-2009, 16:33
First, don't worry about the webcomic's 40K parody and IP infringement, GW won't care about that. You are not trying to make money directly from this. But don't use their icons, like any 40K symbols etc on the web page - just in case. If you want to put a link to GW's site, ask them first.
Secondly, while the constructive criticisms on here are valid, the way they have been said is not. Take what they have said seriously, but not how they said it.
Finally, keep, keep trying. Thank you.

malface
13-04-2009, 19:56
Thanks for the comments everyone, we appreciate them all - good, bad, and ugly :)

Hopefully they'll help make GtG (our first venture into comicdom) stronger. We're just starting out; finding our sea-legs as it were, so I hope that you'll stick around for a while and see where the story is going before passing judgement. If not, that's fine too.

While we did consider taking out direct 40K references (to steer clear of GW's IP, as some people have mentioned), we intend to stick with the Guard parody as is. Our intentions arenít to generate revenue or redefine webcomics or anything so serious, itís just to have a bit of fun. In any case, new pages will be available every Tuesday.

One thing I can promise you: no Lasgun = Flashlight jokes :)

-Stef

Templar Ben
13-04-2009, 20:38
We may hold you to that. ;)

answer_is_42
13-04-2009, 20:51
I agree with Verm1s; art is nice, shame about the story.
I'd also advice dropping all 40k references, and make it a parody of all Sci-Fi Ďmarinesí. Maybe that way people who matter would read it!
:rolleyes:

simonr1978
21-04-2009, 15:11
Not a bad start all told, as others have said the art's probably the strongest point.

However, the Food theme running through the names is not working at all for me, Bacon and Eggs as the main characters are a stretch but not terrible, combined with Hammy, Berger and Cooke though...:rolleyes: I'm half expecting them to be introduced to the regimental commander, Colonel Hash-Brown and his inevitably sycophantic adjutant Captain Cornflakes.

If I were you I would drop this aspect before it becomes too ingrained, it's too obvious without being anywhere near funny enough and, I would imagine, will get incredibly stale incredibly quickly if it isn't already.

Oh, and just so you know, the link in your sig doesn't work (For me at least, anyone else have that problem?)

Meriwether
22-04-2009, 18:40
The font on the most recent one is pretty poor. Very grainy, at extreme contrast to the good artwork. (I just looked back and found it's the same font as before... Which is weird, because it didn't bother me before, but it really bugged me this time around.)

Oh, and this one wasn't particularly funny, either. It seems that you are going for situational comedy that doesn't necessarily occur in the punchline, and that's ok... But it's not *good*. I'm willing to keep looking for now, but it's really striking more like "Brenda Starr" and less like "Dilbert".

Meri

Morph
24-04-2009, 15:35
The art is very nice, I'll give you that. It's not really made me laugh yet, but keep working at it.

One thing - stop ending every sentence with an exclamation mark. It suggests the characters are shouting, which doesn't fit what you've got a lot of them saying.

bert n ernie
25-04-2009, 00:56
I'll keep an eye on this, despite agreeing with most of what has been said so far.
Seriously, unless you have a genuine story reason for naming your characters as such, or some unbelievably good long running joke which will genuinely pull in a lot more readers, please please change the names.
If you take it in the context of TV shows which have done this before you should be aiming for their level of humour, not such obvious ones.
In either Clarissa explains it all, or Sabrina the teenage witch(can't remember which one, as it has the same actress) there was a lunch lady who was called Miss Piou piants, but all the kids mispronounced it: poogy pants.
That was a step up.
If you wanted to go further then look at Scrubs.
They have some funny names what with Snoop Dog resident, and Doctor Beard face(Beard faca?).
Gosh, the more I type the more this becomes a bugbear for me. If you're going to have a funny name, make it a funny name.

Good luck with the comic. Humour, just like art, takes practise and research.

Verm1s
25-04-2009, 18:21
I am inclined to agree with Verm1s.

...

What? :eek:

This doesn't happen very often. I... I think I need a lie down.

I admit I was too hard in my previous posts, but I have a scapegoat all prepared. There're few things that rattle my cage much more than the 'Attaboys' in most forums I see, offering nothing but a short line of bland platitudes and getting all haughty and 'more-apathetic-than-thou' towards people who offer real (albeit harsh, sometimes) comments and criticism.
I took it out on the wrong comic... er... person. Sorry Malface.

simonr1978
28-04-2009, 09:25
Another week another comic, yet more "Food" names...

Which one of you two honestly thought that Sergeant Pantry worked as a name? :rolleyes:

...and as if that isn't bad enough, I couldn't help noticing the tags at the bottom: Cake, Coffey, Fryes, Haddock, Pantry, Quail, Salton. I know I said this before but please stop this before it becomes too ingrained (I have a feeling that this may be too late), I just don't think it's anywhere near as funny or clever as you think it is and unless you are building to a killer punchline with this, cut your losses on this one.