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devolutionary
08-05-2005, 08:42
Well I had posted this a long time back, but I have since updated everything and started working on the website for this little chapter of mine.
The link is hereeeee. (http://www.devolutionary.net/interdictus)

I only really have information in the History and Force options right now, but I plan on putting more stuff in the other two options soon. It's just that weekends dont give me much time to work.

Comments and questions greatly appreciated. I like feedback :)

Typheron
09-05-2005, 15:03
something happened to the commanders of each opposing force. In a fit of insanity, all guns and missiles were aimed at the new combatants, and the might of two thousand Imperial Guard regiments was unleashed. Prepared as always though, the Adeptus Astartes fired back, launching drop pods, teleporting marines, and bombarding the planets with heavy armaments.


i dont really get this bit, where did the gaurd units come from, were they additional re-inforcements or were they sent at the space marines by the planets commanders. I think it would help the histtory here if you mentioned who else was in on the fight because if it was just the Imperium Interdictus 2 companys as you indicate i dont think they have the capacity to decimate a planet, thats only (by your chaoters company size) 240 marines with support which aint much even if they are space marines. They could do a solid decapitation strike on both forces via teleporting and drop pods on the command centres but it seam unlikely that they would be able to fight a massive frontal war on an entire planet already fighting itself.

Also it only mentions Rex Sanguine and the Flagship Aerie Home as the attacking ships which seams a little small for wasting an entire planet. But perhaps im reading this wrong.


When Inquisitor Mardu demanded answers from Wing Master Harcovel, the Chapter Master merely said, "We are the Angel's of Death and the Emporer's Blade. To resist is to invite death. To refuse is heresy."

The point could never be argued.
I would debate that, at least one side of the forces fighting on the planet must have been the favourite of the imperium or the inquisitors involved. They would be very miffed if the Space Marines for killing them all unless they were all heritics to the imperium and thats something else in itsself as if so then the question would never have been asked if the inquisitor knew what was going on down there.


Even though not all had left planetside, the Rok made a ponderous turn, concealed engines roaring in to unstable life, and the remains of Waaagh! Garga proceeded to return to the outer stars.
I dont think its possable to go into warp space within a solar system, im faiirly sure that doing so within the gravity well of a sun or planet has very nasty effects on all involved, which is what happened anyway within your fluff. Just a point.


Their world in tatters, they eached asked for the assistance of the Space Marines in reconstruction and the developement of their planet once more. most of the fluff indicated that space marines dont re-build planets, they fight although perhaps oyu mean defending the planet and probably dealing with any residual ork forces as they have a hibit of comming back since they reproduce by spores (although that is entirely dependant on your fluff point of view)


each was branded with a hideous coiled dragon and then fired out of an airlock to implode in gruesome sacrifice.
you dont implode in space, you tend to freeze and bleed out if i remeber right, its negative atmophere out there and a human body is positive but suprising tough so your innards try to get out, if that makes sence. That is unless something else is going on here than just the natural physics of real space.

appart from these few things it looks good, although thats just my opinion and i enjoyed reading it.

ill get to the force section later and let you know.

devolutionary
09-05-2005, 21:49
i dont really get this bit, where did the gaurd units come from, were they additional re-inforcements or were they sent at the space marines by the planets commanders. I think it would help the histtory here if you mentioned who else was in on the fight because if it was just the Imperium Interdictus 2 companys as you indicate i dont think they have the capacity to decimate a planet, thats only (by your chaoters company size) 240 marines with support which aint much even if they are space marines. They could do a solid decapitation strike on both forces via teleporting and drop pods on the command centres but it seam unlikely that they would be able to fight a massive frontal war on an entire planet already fighting itself. Guard regiments are mentioned being on each planet already. I know the two companies destroying them is a long shot, but I made quite a few assumptions if only to reduce the word count. The thing is that in fluff terms, two and a half company's worth of Marines could very well create enough havoc in the heirarchy to slow down a war. The inquisition is also mentioned, so I should probably make them noticed as well.


Also it only mentions Rex Sanguine and the Flagship Aerie Home as the attacking ships which seams a little small for wasting an entire planet. But perhaps im reading this wrong.
Two Battle Barges, yes, since there is only 1 per Wing. Strike Cruisers are an assumed ship, so are excorts. I didnt feel like naming every assault vehicles :p



I would debate that, at least one side of the forces fighting on the planet must have been the favourite of the imperium or the inquisitors involved. They would be very miffed if the Space Marines for killing them all unless they were all heritics to the imperium and thats something else in itsself as if so then the question would never have been asked if the inquisitor knew what was going on down there. No mention is made of the deaths of any of the Adeptus Mechanicus or Ministorum sympathisers being killed. The Inquisition in this is seen smply as observors. Not every planet can have it's own Inquisitorial patron, nor can it be so vital that the Mechanicus/Ministorum/whatever must exact bloody revenge. As soon as they attacked members of the Adeptus Astartes, they were traitors.



I dont think its possable to go into warp space within a solar system, im faiirly sure that doing so within the gravity well of a sun or planet has very nasty effects on all involved, which is what happened anyway within your fluff. Just a point. I know, cool huh? ;)



most of the fluff indicated that space marines dont re-build planets, they fight although perhaps oyu mean defending the planet and probably dealing with any residual ork forces as they have a hibit of comming back since they reproduce by spores (although that is entirely dependant on your fluff point of view) When you're stuck on a planet that's been wasted by Orks, you have to do something other than hunt local wildlife.



you dont implode in space, you tend to freeze and bleed out if i remeber right, its negative atmophere out there and a human body is positive but suprising tough so your innards try to get out, if that makes sence. That is unless something else is going on here than just the natural physics of real space. Yeah, you turn inside out effectively... but implode sounds much more dramatic.