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DidYouKnow
02-09-2009, 19:54
I Give up!!!

Paradox 01
02-09-2009, 20:06
Intro- It was September 8th 2134.
What calendar are you using? I think you might be a little off on the date.


The Necrons retreated to their home planet for more troops, but the fire warriors followed the Necrons to their home planet intent on getting to their home town.
Necrons don't have "home towns" AFAIK.


According to their superiors they were only 90% away from grasping victory.
Are you trying to insinuate the Tau were close to victory? If so, you should reword this part. 90% away from victory = Losing.

DidYouKnow
02-09-2009, 20:08
What calendar are you using? I think you might be a little off on the date.


Necrons don't have "home towns" AFAIK.


Are you trying to insinuate the Tau were close to victory? If so, you should reword this part. 90% away from victory = Losing.

I never know'en what year it was In the WarHammer WORLD:( I'm sorry If it's in the past or what not

Paradox 01
02-09-2009, 20:15
:eyebrows:

It's in the name: Warhammer 40,000.

DidYouKnow
02-09-2009, 20:19
What calendar are you using? I think you might be a little off on the date.


Necrons don't have "home towns" AFAIK.


Are you trying to insinuate the Tau were close to victory? If so, you should reword this part. 90% away from victory = Losing.
The hole point is the Empire were wining but they lost. but you know what I mean right 90% from wining. I know the Necrons don't have a town. You will have to wait and see more about the story it go's on [Here's a hint- The eyes of the Tau empire]

BladeWolf
02-09-2009, 22:39
It's a title of a story 0.0

Its the title for the entire series, This page should start to help clear up any misconceptions about the background (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warhammer_40,000), but to really get to know the background or 'fluff' I would suggest looking into the Rulebook and Codexes.

Awilla the Hun
03-09-2009, 08:58
There are many problems with this story. The chief one is that it is ill written. Where is the tension? The suspense? We do not know how the Tau came close to achieving victory. We don't get told, or even shown, what ingenious tactics they employed against the Necron Phalanx. There are no descriptions of battle scenes. We are not told how the Monolith takes out the entire Tau army. (And, as they could probably fight back with all their railguns and markerlights, I am unsure that they could.) There are no characters. No plot really. No humour, no romance, no excitement, no adventure, nothing!

The first way to improve is to read a few novels, or other stories put up here. They all depict fight scenes properly.

DidYouKnow
03-09-2009, 17:16
It was a intro not the story

DidYouKnow
03-09-2009, 17:19
:eyebrows:

It's in the name: Warhammer 40,000.

Yes it was 40k

Paradox 01
03-09-2009, 19:00
It was a intro not the story
That doesn't mean it didn't need a lot of help.

DYK, if you want to be a successful writer, you're going to have to get used to the fact that not everyone will like what you write. That's true whether you're a first-timer or you're a successful, paid author with decades of experience.

Now I'm no Leo Tolstoy, but I like to think I can write well. It still took me almost a year of constant editing to get my IA article where it's at now, and it still needs some work.

If I had to guess, I'd say that everything you know about the WH40k universe you learned from playing Dawn of War. Am I far off? If not, you really need to do more research into the background of the setting before you're able to tell a story people will one, want to read and two, believe.

If you don't know your subject matter, people will never take you seriously, no matter how good your grammar and spelling are.

Of course, the reverse is also true.