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imperial_communist
10-10-2009, 16:00
So hi people im making a space marine chapter and i want someone to check the basic background out and give me some feedback.

Chapter 832 8th founding
Thunder Fists Founding chapter: Imperial Fists

Chapter master: Ramuh Asdruius Belithiae Myrolve
Home world: Tempestio.
Chapter livery: bleached bone legs,torso and head, yellow shoulders, right arm and backpack, red lining to the yellow and red left arm.

The thunder fists are one of the lesser known space marine chapters.
Based on their home of Tempestio they are recruited from a barbaric society where only the toughest survive.
The planet is covered with thick black storm clouds that churn in the never ending storm that batters the planets surface, the people worship the lightning lord
(The Emperor).
The fortress monastery of the thunder fists is a huge black building that that pierces the storm clouds, it is built in the most violent part of the eternal storm, the people of tempestio refer to it as the storm halls the chapter have adopted this name for their fortress.
They use hard tactics on the battlefield, not one marine may retreat until every enemy is dead, large close combat confrontations are preferred to small raids though this can be blessing, it can be a curse also one time in the chapters history all companies died all apart from the assault company, it took thousands of years for the chapter to recover from the horrific tragedy, to this day the left arm of every marine is painted red in remembrance of that slaughter.
The chapter motto is: Fight until the last be it ours or theirs we die with honour they die with sin.

Although all enemies are hated by the thunder fists the black legion is hated more so the thunder fists hunt the legion and seek vengeance for the horrific losses that they endured long ago, only when the black legion is smashed, then the red arms may be painted yellow.


Preferred weapons: relic blades.

guillimansknight
10-10-2009, 21:28
It's alright.


But if the first nine companies died the chapter
A) wouldn't have any advanced or heavy equiptment
B) they wouldn't be able to make new marines , scouts don't have all the organs including the BLack Carapance
C) they would be disbaned


Make it only a few companies, Da camarade?



Dasvidania.

Urath
10-10-2009, 21:31
If the geneseed and other such organs were recovered, then it's possible.

guillimansknight
10-10-2009, 21:36
If the geneseed and other such organs were recovered, then it's possible.

The scouts couldn't get back the geneseed from battlefield

If you can beat nine companies you ain't gonna get driven off by some scouts afterwards.

Plus it probably wouldn't be enough if you did get some.

Deus Ruinus
10-10-2009, 21:46
i agree to both Urath and guillimansknight point of views, however he did mention it took about a thousand years for the chapter to fully recover. so maybie only a few marines were made out of the scouts and then there gene samples may of been passed on onto the newer recruits, besides i thought most chapters have a reserve gene stock in case if a company did get wiped out

MajorWesJanson
11-10-2009, 05:24
Thats why chapters only extract one of the two geneseeds when it matures, so one set is in the marines if the stockpile is lost, and one set is at the chapter keep if the marines are lost.

If you lost the combat companies, you would still have the trainers, marines assigned to the fleets, chapter forge and techmarines, and probably chunks of the librarium, chaplins, apothecarium, and any marines who were wounded and did not fight in that battle.

Equipment would be critically short though, so the marines would be issued older suits and weapons not issued normally, like many of the chapter relics. Makes sense with the relic blade being a big thing.

Dhazzakull
11-10-2009, 05:43
for all we know every chapter has a large stock of genseed in the chapter headquarter for such situations, look at the story in the csm codex, Huron attacked a loyalist chapter and looted their genseed reserves.

With the equip, I think Powerarmour wouldn't be the problem, termiantorsuits and some of the tanks would be hard to make up for. Also if you threw all companies in a Battle, you most likely threw most of your cybots with them.

For game purposei would use few or no termis, and no cybots.

Aliarzathanil
11-10-2009, 06:59
Not bad, and not over the top for a change.

Now, l let's nitpick:

The motto is kinda long.

I like the bit about never leaving the field. It reminds me of the Battle of Champions at Thyrea. You might find some inspiration in the history of that battle.

If you pick a preferred weapon, it should be one. What do these guys have against the other two types of special close combat weapons? I'd name all your relic weapons and give them a back story. They're an excellent opportunity to flesh out a chapters background.

If the whole chapter was almost destroyed because of their tactics, did they either not learn anything, feel it's their duty to continue fighting that way, or have some other compelling reason to continue with the old ways?

If they have a homeworld, where is it in the greater galaxy?

Do they have a battlecry? (To glorious victory or a hero's death!) ...or something.

Make their hated foe less generic. Chaos makes a great enemy because the same exact commander could still be at large. Give him a name and a reason to be hated? Did he take a trophy? Did he personally slay a chapter personality. The more dastardly the better.All marines hate chaos marines. Alot. Make it personal.

Again, these are all nitpicks. Overall, I like the what you have. It's nice to see a homegrown chapter that doesn't have a huge fleet, a super badass chapter master, or perfect record of flawless victories, or even a total disregard for the codex.

Hope some of this helps.

imperial_communist
11-10-2009, 11:43
It's alright.


But if the first nine companies died the chapter
A) wouldn't have any advanced or heavy equiptment
B) they wouldn't be able to make new marines , scouts don't have all the organs including the BLack Carapance
C) they would be disbaned


Make it only a few companies, Da camarade?



Dasvidania.

Yes that's a good point. fine ill change it to the assault company survived and that explains the whole hands on beat them to death in combat tactic.

imperial_communist
11-10-2009, 11:55
Not bad, and not over the top for a change.

Now, l let's nitpick:

The motto is kinda long.

I like the bit about never leaving the field. It reminds me of the Battle of Champions at Thyrea. You might find some inspiration in the history of that battle.

If you pick a preferred weapon, it should be one. What do these guys have against the other two types of special close combat weapons? I'd name all your relic weapons and give them a back story. They're an excellent opportunity to flesh out a chapters background.

If the whole chapter was almost destroyed because of their tactics, did they either not learn anything, feel it's their duty to continue fighting that way, or have some other compelling reason to continue with the old ways?

If they have a homeworld, where is it in the greater galaxy?

Do they have a battlecry? (To glorious victory or a hero's death!) ...or something.

Make their hated foe less generic. Chaos makes a great enemy because the same exact commander could still be at large. Give him a name and a reason to be hated? Did he take a trophy? Did he personally slay a chapter personality. The more dastardly the better.All marines hate chaos marines. Alot. Make it personal.

Again, these are all nitpicks. Overall, I like the what you have. It's nice to see a homegrown chapter that doesn't have a huge fleet, a super badass chapter master, or perfect record of flawless victories, or even a total disregard for the codex.

Hope some of this helps.

ah but the chapter refuse to back down because they feel that they must stay on and kill as many as the enemy as possible even if it ends them, they feel it is more shameful to retreat than it is to drop the chapter standard and thus they stay on fighting and would rather die than return to the chapter fortress monastery and admit the ultimate disgrace that is retreating.

the world of tempestio is north west of the eye of terror.
they hate abbaddon the despoiler because of him leading the massacre that almost destroyed the chapter and thus they hunt him constantly.
the battle cry is. for the crimson fallen!

relic blades are used because of the equipment defacit.
that do for ur questions?

Aliarzathanil
11-10-2009, 16:14
Kinda, but relic blades would be pretty few and far between for a cahpter that sustained 90% casualities. They're the chapters most powerful and revered weapons. If nine of your ten captains were killed ( along with their retinues) it stands to reason that they would have been lost.

Inquisitor Engel
11-10-2009, 17:15
I just have to ask - why does EVERY chapter have to recruit from a world of barbarians or from a death world? Yes, they make good recruits, but the Ultramarines recruit from all over one of the most civilized and least-kill-kill-stab-stab areas of space and they produce the same Space Marines all the other Codex Chapters do.

imperial_communist
11-10-2009, 17:18
I just have to ask - why does EVERY chapter have to recruit from a world of barbarians or from a death world? Yes, they make good recruits, but the Ultramarines recruit from all over one of the most civilized and least-kill-kill-stab-stab areas of space and they produce the same Space Marines all the other Codex Chapters do.


i was considering recruiting them from a feudal society but i thought the whole lightning bolts smashing into the planet and constantly ripping its surface to bits would prevent any real development and thus the barbarian thing was the best choice when fitting in with the actual world they are on

Dhazzakull
11-10-2009, 17:58
the advantage of death worlds is that everybody there has survived hell, and therefore more likely is strong an tough enough to become a marine. The disadvantage is the cultural shock when the recruits are confrontted with technology, aliens, and so on. Besides, it's a lot easier to find able recruits when you can see them fight, whats not so comon in moderener societies.

guillimansknight
11-10-2009, 18:38
Spartan style worlds especially Advanced ones do make the best Marine recruits for obvious reasons.

Askil the Undecided
11-10-2009, 20:45
Do you have to have name the planet they're living on with such cliche pertinence? The [cliche] fists of planet [cliche]io could you not just think up a planet name that isn't so incredibly predictable.

Also do you have to recycle a name from GW canon in forms of Ragnar Thunderfist, Berek Thunderfist, Thunderfist's great company, the thunderfist tribe and now you add the Thunder Fists chapter really is that what you want?

Inquisitor Engel
12-10-2009, 00:01
Spartan style worlds especially Advanced ones do make the best Marine recruits for obvious reasons.

The current Marine Codex would disagree. ;) Ultramar is the most civilized and advanced part of the Imperium, bar almost none.

downundercadet07
12-10-2009, 00:30
I'm with Askil. This fluff is seriously weak. So generic and uninspiring.

Never retreat? Ever? That's just not something Space Marines would consider. They are incredibly cunning tacticians. Cutting fully 50% of the tactical playbook out isn't really their style.

And how does sustaining 90% casualties reinforce these guys opinion that you should never retreat? It seems like force preservation would be the order of the day following such a disaster.

A way more interesting background would be that they used to have this whole 'blah never give up, never surrender, blah' background, but since the disaster they have become very tactically cool- hunting their enemies and always focused on minimizing losses rather than OMGPWNAGE. Going from a gladiator style of combat to a stalking style would be a cooler story than this recycled stuff.

The planet is lame. Huge storms? Lightning can't blow chunks out of terrain. It can bust trees and stuff, but not gash the earth. Where does this idea that having the toughest childhood makes people nasty soldiers come from? the IDF and USMC will own your face in hand to hand and both come from nations with very high standards of living.

It just isn't original at all, and it doesn't make a lot of sense. Other than that, it is ok.

guillimansknight
12-10-2009, 00:37
The current Marine Codex would disagree. ;) Ultramar is the most civilized and advanced part of the Imperium, bar almost none.

Whhaaa.....??


I did say advanced.

And why not Spartan style worlds , I fail to see how a world. Were being trained from birth (and before) to be a trooper wouldn't make good recruits?

And don't mention the SMurfs



EDIT: I agree with Downundercadet07. Above^

Fugazi
12-10-2009, 17:37
It just isn't original at all, and it doesn't make a lot of sense. Other than that, it is ok.
Ouch. So how do you really feel about it? :D

downunder's suggestion about the change in the chapter's tactics since "the event" is a good one. I suggest incorporating that and keep working on the background. Good luck.

imperial_communist
12-10-2009, 18:00
Do you have to have name the planet they're living on with such cliche pertinence? The [cliche] fists of planet [cliche]io could you not just think up a planet name that isn't so incredibly predictable.

Also do you have to recycle a name from GW canon in forms of Ragnar Thunderfist, Berek Thunderfist, Thunderfist's great company, the thunderfist tribe and now you add the Thunder Fists chapter really is that what you want?

perhaps i should consider putting the storm lords? or knights of the searing bolt?

imperial_communist
12-10-2009, 18:03
number one if an electrical discharge is large enough then it will blast chunks of the earth to bits,
i will consider the whole tactical development from the never surrender to the stalking thing thank you

Inquisitor Engel
13-10-2009, 00:33
number one if an electrical discharge is large enough then it will blast chunks of the earth to bits,


Lightning is not as simple as electrical discharge. The part we SEE is just as important as the part we DON'T. For a lightning strike to be of sufficient voltage to move the Earth, it would need to be several orders of magnitude larger than anything we've ever seen in this entire Solar System.

A lightning bolt on Earth is, give or take, 100,000,000 volts and people SURVIVE being hit by them. The Earth gets struck hundreds of thousands of times a day, yet no "chunks of the earth" are blown to bits.

The level of hyperbole is simply too great, even for 40k.

guillimansknight
13-10-2009, 02:32
Alien lighting on an alien world??

Rant
13-10-2009, 10:23
The lightning bit is off because most lightning bolts never actually -strike- the ground. Most of the time the charge of the lightning bolt focusses a negative charge to form up out of the earth and they meet somewhere in the air. Naturally occuring lightning doesn't rend chunks of earth out of the ground because it doesn't actually -touch- the ground, naturally.

Also, I do think the death world is a bit overdone, but in the end it doesn't matter what ANY of us think, it's your chapter, if it is fun for you, go with it. So long as it can be built using normal C:SM and is by the rules, more power to you.

Sai-Lauren
13-10-2009, 11:18
It's alright.

But if the first nine companies died the chapter
A) wouldn't have any advanced or heavy equiptment
B) they wouldn't be able to make new marines , scouts don't have all the organs including the BLack Carapance
C) they would be disbaned

a) The Forge is separate from the companies, like the Apothecarion, LIbrarium etc - there'd still be Techmarines around (although the Master of the Forge might become the de facto Chapter Master if there's no one more senior still alive).
b) They would, even if it's not yet implanted, the gene-seed for it is still held in the Apothecarion for them.
c) Only if the Administratum noticed. ;)



i was considering recruiting them from a feudal society but i thought the whole lightning bolts smashing into the planet and constantly ripping its surface to bits would prevent any real development and thus the barbarian thing was the best choice when fitting in with the actual world they are on

They could mainly live underground.

Question - what reason did the original settlers have for landing on the planet in the first place?
Mineral resources (would allow them to trade for food)?
Vessel off course and critically damaged (foodstuffs could be hydroponics based with artificial light sources)?
An attempt to Terraform it that never really got started?



Besides, it's a lot easier to find able recruits when you can see them fight, whats not so comon in moderener societies.

You've obviously never been around most town centres on a Friday or Saturday night :p



perhaps i should consider putting the storm lords? or knights of the searing bolt?

Storm Lords already exist IIRC (a White Scars successor).

imperial_communist
14-10-2009, 19:08
as a response to the above comment the planet is rich in gold and adamantium.
the planet was terraformed but this attempt failed.