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PsympleJester
11-07-2010, 01:48
Basically this thread is the fluff behind my Imperial Guard Battle Force and I was hoping you guys could give me constructed critism as to whether you find it believe able or not. (I hope this is in the right place) I am also hoping for your oppinoins and thoughts.

One note I would like to add is that I am trying to not make my Battle Force come off as too important or seem too self proclaimed but at the same time trying to give it charicter and individual charicter.

Also please note I am placing this around already existing fluff but because of the VERY VERY VERY small amount of documented fluff I feel it is not unrealistic for me to use this event for my own ideas.


SOOOO...
Now I have written all that (yes I am writing this after everything else.) I would like to know whether, when you are finnished reading, I should continue with this. Firstly I NEED TO KNOW whether you think this is plausable, if not I will stop as obveously there is no point going into detail if it makes no sence or is too obsurd.
Secondly I would like to know if you like the general concept.
Thirdly I would like to know if there are any specifics you like and whether you would like me to flesh out any of the bits I have mentioned.


It is 40,891 and the first Battle of Armageddon draws to a close.
A young and powerful member of the Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor Maximus Heyhan is sat slouching in his thick leather arm chair drinking Amsack and holding his head in his hands.

On the wall are his pair of ornately master crafted Lighning Claws he was awarded by the Inquisition for previous "services" to the Emporer. The rest of his Office is small with wooden pannels lining the walls that are not covered with book shelves full of ancient battered leather books.
His desk is mostly empty: an inch vial, a wax melting bowl, large blocks of red wax and a large =][= shaped metal stamp. At the centre of the desk is a thin folder layed open inside the top page within the folder reads.
"Disposal of Armageddons chaos exposed population and armed forces."

There is a knock at the door and a young female slips in, she too is wairing a lock black cloak held at the waist by a belt with a =][= shaped buckle.
"You asked for me sir"
The young girl asked as Maximus looked up, he turned the folder round and pushed it across his desk to the young girl.

He watched under his thick bushy eyebrows as she read her face turned from shock, to horror, to sorrow and she finnished by staring at him with a pleading look in her eyes.

Finally he spoke;
"It is our duty to the Emporer to carry out and oversee the steralisation and destruction of all military personel within the Imperial Guard and Civilians exposed to Chaos."
He let out a long sigh and then continued to speak this time with rage in his voice.
"I must continue to teach you and my other students the lives of inquisitors and this is to be your lesson in Genocide!"

Standing up the commander shoved a large lump of thick red wax into the melting bowl and lit the fire underneith.
"I am in no mood to sign for the deaths of an entire planet at the moment Aimee, please could you organise the necessary paper work for the movement of such a large ammount of people."
He gave her a cold hard stare.
"But in no way organise or look into any way to carry out this terrible act, you are to be as little a part of this is possible."

The young girl nodded sharply gave him a soft sympathetic smile and sat at his desk whilst he left the room.

--- Between 10 and 40 hours later. ---

Maximus had returned to see Aimee only a few hours after his exit however on doing do he had found she was looking alot happier, even smiling, and that she had not done exactly what he had asked her to do.

"We dont have to kill them all."
She smiled apologetically as he glared down in anger at what she had braught up on his pict cast.

Aimee had grown up in a Forge world and both her parents had been data administrators thus she knew well how hide movements of resources, reduce/increase productivity of factories, delay shipments without causing customer complaints or make sure all quality tests were passed even if they shouldnt do.

The plan was now set, the two inquisitors had spent almost 2 days straight fixing their master plan. As they were not to be the only members of the Inquisition in on such a huge "project" they knew they could not save all the people of Armageddon however they would try their best to save as many as possible.

Firstly Maximus had hailed with the other members of the Inquisition also to be assigned to the "project" via a local pic cast, as all the Inquisitors had been in orbit above Armageddon, Luckily he was the highest ranking of all the inquisitors assigned except for one who was of equal rank to himself. He had made sure to make himself as intimidating as possible for the pic cast to do so he had equipped his Terminator armour and ornate master crafted lighning claws.
The conferance went well and he soon convinced or intimidated the other inquisitors to allow him to take lead on the roll by pushing his past achievements in the Ordo Hereticus as a hunter of the Runius Powers and thus claiming it was his responcibility to take charge as he was most qualified to do so.

He then gave them all set groups of military and civilians to round up and send to specific sites to be disarmed and sterolised before they were to be sent to work camps. Each of these was to be guarded by the Spacewolves currently still on Armageddon.

Then as the local arbites would not have enough sterolisation equipment for the vast ammount of troops the Inquisition would be sterolising Aimee set about aquiring fake sterolisation shipments to the sites where the Armageddon's would be taken. Although she knew the vast majority of the prisoners would be spared sterolisation she knew that those to be done first would recieve real sterolisation as they would be origional stock from current arbite stock houses.

Next Aimee set about making sure that the work camps the Armageddon's were sent to were noted for their good conditions, hospitable climates and most importantly low death rate.

Aimee would then have to make sure that the Armageddons would be listed as being from the planet of each work camp they were sent to and that their sentance would be set as low as possible would causing suspicion.

Finally Aimee went about burrying each of these actions under piles and piles of pointless data and reports of how nothing had happened during the months this was typical of an Inquisition cover up and knew it would not draw attention of any other Inquisitors.

The last thing they did was to go through battle reports together and hand pick 150 men from the Armageddon soldiers. Maximus was an Ordo Heretics Inquisitor who had spent many decades tracking chaos to sites or warp power hidden deep in inhospitable areas of remote planets. To help him with these tasks he had "aquired" Aimee, who was a Junior Ordo Xenos inquisitor, to help him identify and help destory the strange species he would often encounter on such missions.

Now they sat down together overlooking rosters of men and women who had grown up in one of the most inhospitable climates imaginable.
The planet covered in black ash and ash storms raging most of its surface, born in dense hive undercities and inducted into the guard from gangs.
They knew how to fight in the dense tunnels of hives and were sturdey enough to walk on the surface of such as hostile planet, already used to fighting in thick over coats and breathing gear they seemed the perfect men for the job...
Yet now... some of these men had faught face to face with chaos and held fast. These were the perfect men and women for what they needed.

They searched the list the two men who stood out the most, the first of these was a young Platoon commander, Andrew Yelts, who had been part of a chimera company that had run into approximately 30 chaos spacemarines. He and his men were in their command chimera when a chaos rocket blew the tracks of and it grinded to a hault in the thick ash. Several of the chimeras under his command fled as the Vox signal went dead and smoke plumed from the head chimera but he quickly jumped from the back hatch and signalled other chimeras to his position. Using the few chimeras they had they lined them up in a wall only showing the thickest armour and he ordered the mulitmelters and heavy bolters to target the heavy weapons carrying chaos marines.

Both dug in and although neither side took many losses it was a stale mate. Suddenly support came for the chaos as a rhino blazed towards them from the distance, it was comming straight for the block of chimeras a full speed and the platoon knew if it rammed them they would have to dive into the open and be surely killed by the chaos marines.
Yelts screamed for the multi melters to fire at the rhinos tracks but it was no good, in a rush of courage Yelts grabbed a melta from his command squad special weapon carrier and climbed onto the roof of the chimera, he bounded over the multimelta turret as bolter fire erupted around him stinging his legs with shrapnel and heat from exploding shells. Just as the rhino was to hit the front chimera he fired the melta into the front of the rhino, as the front of the rhino melted away it hit the front chimera and the rhino buckled like a tin can, the crew inside melted or smashed again the chimera were either dead or stunned and Yelts ordered his active chimeras to move forward infront of the rhino and his men to rush the rhino and kill the stunned marines...
The squad eventually recieved help from a unit of armoured sentinals but to their suprise had killed 13 of the chaos space marines already and the 10 inside the rhino ontop of that.

The second was PDF Commander Harry Benj who was assigned to protect the local population of a factory complex. He and his men were tasked with defending the main building in which all the wives and families of the miners had been moved to for protection. He had setup a strong front line with several heavy weapons placements covering the main streets to the building and men on the roof and inside nabouring buildings. He stood with 4 firing squads and his command squad ourside the main entrance.
His squad was pushed to the limit when wave after wave of Armageddon's who had turned to chaos charged the main building and he had to reasure his PDF that they where doing the work of the emporer.
However during a vicious wave of attacks in which he and the firing squads he was with were forced to fight with bayonettes against the rushing cultists and their shoddy melee weapons he was unable to stop one of cultists getting into the building.
As he turned to persue the cultist, the cultist screamed something and cut its own head off with its blade as it did it erupted into a lessor deamon inside the hall still crowded with women and children.
As the deamon grabbed the closest women to him with its sharp claws and began to rip her in half Benj charged, his las pistol blazing and chainsword wailing.
"Men! This battle is no longer about saving yourselves!!!" Benj screamed as he carved a thick slab of flesh from the deamons back.

Benj was able to hold of the young deamon long enough for rest of his command squad and the front door firing squads to kill the cultists before and they could move to help him.
Just as he felt the deamon was about to best him Benj dived from what may have been the fatal blow as more than 10 guardsmen opened up on the deamon full auto with fresh ammo magazines.
Refusing to leave the building until the war was over and ignoring his injuries he had to be seen to by medics whilst still firing volley after volley from his las pistol at more charging cultists.

Many more included Farn, Bale, Raark, Fitzgerald, Azroth and Parrinth.

These men were then made into a list and sent to the other Inquisitors, Maximus told them they were to be handelled seperatelly due to their "intimate" encounters with chaos and that all of them needed to be sent to him to deal with them personally or else they would risk Armageddon being in danger from the forces of chaos. He also asked that any family should be tracked down and also sent along with these troops as they may have spread heresy through their family.

However this was not the case, instead Maximus was to smuggle them aboard his ship freeing them from the punishment and eventual death the Inquisition had intended and to ensure their loyalty he would bring along their family to keep them appeased.

Aswell as this the final part of the pairs plan was to requisition as much of the Armour that was going to be left crew less by the incaseration of the Armageddon's.

Now present day the A*'s (Armageddon Stars) but obveously not named for purpose of saftey are a fuctioning special strike force for Inquisitor Maximus Heyhan and he has achieved many more acknowledgements for hunting down and capturing chaos and alien artifacts from the most hostile enviroments in the galaxy.

Currently just under 200 men the force consists entirely of soldiers from the first war of armageddon. Whether it be the original men and women smuggled of the planet, the ofspring of their families or men and women picked up as they are let out of the work camps they where sent to the strike force is growing in size and is considering requesitioning another vessel for their growing numbers.

In order for this army to adeer to the rules of warhammer 40k table top.

The strike force either fights as a few squads with Aimee and Maximus and their respective retenues in SPECIAL missions.
(Special house rules)

As a 2000 point army without either Inquisitor in Strike forces against enemies to distract them whilst the Inquisitors are on Special Missons else where.
(normal rules)

Or as a 4000 point army (Armageddon rules) with both inquisitors when they are forced to launch large assaults against dug in enemies to get what they need.

---

ChaosTicket
11-07-2010, 01:58
Use an Ordo Hereticus list with Impererial Guard Auxillaries.

Its not impossible, thought all those people living 100+ years, while tainted with chaos is...difficult.

IF you didnt already know this, the reason why all the armageddon citizens were enslaved and sterilised was because knowledge of chaos gives it power. Have a company of soldiers would have PLENTY of them being corrupted.

PsympleJester
11-07-2010, 02:14
Use an Ordo Hereticus list with Impererial Guard Auxillaries.

The army list is not in question the fluff is. :)



Its not impossible, thought all those people living 100+ years, while tainted with chaos is...difficult.

The Inquisition would not struggle to find the youth injections I am sure.
(cant remember the bloody name though.. :|)


IF you didnt already know this, the reason why all the armageddon citizens were enslaved and sterilised was because knowledge of chaos gives it power. Have a company of soldiers would have PLENTY of them being corrupted.
Also no... The carrying out of actions that are evil gives Chaos power.
Not the knowlage of them.

Chaos gods gain power for example when someone commits murder, or adultry or trickery. Not when people know they exist.

Also whether or not the troops are corrupted is just another additive to the fluff.
I was already considering making the Inquisitor a rouge inquisitor however with the troops under this fluff the army can be played as good or evil without changing the list.
He is either fighting evil, or is discovered to have performed heresy and thus being hunted down or he finally is in fact possessed and so are his men thus he is evil.
That is one of the main reasons I like the fluff, although for all intents and purposes he is currently perceived as good.

Thanks for the contributed but I would rather you gave constructive points instead of just saying. "No... No.... No..."

FabricatorGeneralMike
11-07-2010, 02:46
I think its great. It's just the thing a =][= would do, skim off the elite and leave the rest to their fate.

I think that you have done a great job with this army idea. Its much better then ' my guyzz arzzz the awsome pwngwwwweee!!1!!' nice work. Two commissars outta two. :)

[SD] Bob Plisskin
11-07-2010, 02:50
So the rest of the inquisition know about this or does the maximus guy just keep his strike force secret?

One thing I would offer as constructive criticism is it's hard to see the image of the character's, there is little or no description of physical characteritics. I'm sure you have a picture of how each charater looks in your head. Describing physical characteristics gives the reader the connotations of their description, adding to the understanding of their motives and the story overall.

Karl MkVI
11-07-2010, 11:42
It is 40,891 and the first Battle of Armageddon draws to a close.


minor niggle; the First War for Armageddon was in 444 M.41, or 40,444. sorry to be a pain. right, back to reading!! :)

spetswalshe
11-07-2010, 12:52
Minor points;

While I'm not a big fan of the 'Use Russian Names They Sound Cool!' tactic, Harry Benj, Andrew Yelts and Aimee sounds a little too normal. Contemporary names tend to work best with a 'future' modifier - like the character John Grammaticus; no one said 'bah he's called john' on account of the archanofuturisitc surname that always follows it. Harrus Benj, Andrew Erasmus and Amelia have a better ring to them.

Things like finding the families of the soldiers selected seem a bit much for the Inquisitor. Most soldiers would have found their families dead or displaced with no hope of ever tracking them down, so it'd be pretty hard for the Inquisitor to do so - and also completely unnecessary. The loyalty of the troops is assured by the fact that they'd be dead otherwise, and it leaves a lot of non-military mouths for the Inquisitor to feed. If he's after a breeding population of indentured soldiers, he just has to make sure several of his men are, in fact, women - I imagine Armageddon was in the practice of using mixed-gender conscripts, especially in the later stages of the war where every lasgun counted. It just seems unnecessarily nice of the Inquisitor to make sure all their families came along on the secret black-ops missions too.

Also I'm not so sure even a Lord Inquisitor would be able to source rejuvenation treatments for upwards of 200 people - I imagine treatment is an extremely involved process designed specifically for the subject involved, not just a simple syringe full of magic botox. If they've been fighting for 100 years, they've probably endured casualties that make lifespan-increasing drugs irrelevant. Personally, if I wanted to keep all my soldiers around for as long as possible in-between deployments, I'd just keep them in stasis tanks/vitro tubes, floating in a medically-induced coma and breaking them out when some killing needs doing. Of course, I wouldn't tell them how much time had passed since their last deployment - no need to worry their poor little sterilised heads about it.

mob16151
11-07-2010, 13:09
The army list is not in question the fluff is. :)
The Inquisition would not struggle to find the youth injections I am sure.
(cant remember the bloody name though.. :|)


Is it Rejuve,or Juvenat??? Something like that.