View Full Version : The Beer-Mongerers go to war

The Grim
10-10-2010, 22:45
Dawn had just settled in the mountainous landscape, still shining from the morning dew, it was a little a frisk, but nothing enough to bother a Dwarf. Bud, the old Runesmith whose wisdom was praised in his clan, decided it would be time to drink his firs beer of the day to “git fings strrrrrraight y’know”, starting a long series of binge drinking that would only stop with him falling asleep and dribble all over his now stained Runic Robes. As he contemplated another day of endless booze in an ocean of tranquility, his “meditation” was interrupted by the heavy puffs to breeze of the younger dwarf captain that was trying to catch up his breath after having run at least a hundred meters from the brewery to the Runeforge. “How darrrrrrrrrrre you brrrrreak my concentrrrrrration you beerrrrrrrrr-spillerrrrrrrrr?” Asked Bud the wiser, for it was the commonly way to describe a youngling in the Beer-Mongerer clan. Hein the Kind, was still trying to breathe but with a hatched voice he finally was able to utter some words that would hardly qualify for a sentence, let alone make sense decided Bud, so he went back to meditating as he opened another barrel with corkscrew axe. “Now that is a piece of work” he thought , looking at his beloved axe “in those time they knew how to do things”. As he was about to fall back to his drunk babbling, Hein finally managed to muster his spirits and complete a sentence, “Chaos warriors! They’re everywhere, they bring evil icons promoting nonsensical cheaper booze than we have!” “Arrrre you serrrrrious?” asked Bud, now half awaken. “We have to tearrrrrrrr down those posterrrrrrrrrs now, musterrrrrrrrrrrr the guys Hein! I’ll have a last pint beforrrrrrrrre we go.”

Battle 1 1000 points Blood and Glory

The Beer Mongerers

1 Runesmith Sh RoStone (Bud the wiser)
24 GW Warriors St M (The Barrel carriers)
25 Hammerers St M (The Barrel closer)
1 GT 2*RoPen RoAcc Eng (The Barrel launcher)
1 BT Eng (The big remote Corkscrew)
1 OG (The Nail Gun)

(Note: Hein is not yet a model, but for the sake of the story he commands the warriors)

The WoC
15 or so Tzeench Sh warriors
40 Khorn Marauders
1 chariot
1 Sorcerer (death)
4 trolls

The rest to come soon.

The Grim
11-10-2010, 02:09
The surroundings of the clan’s brewery had little to envy to the chaos wastes in the north, as it is a vale filled with toxic dump, from the top green beer, pride of the Brewery, including secret ingredients among which are some “healthy” cave mushrooms. Previous structures remain, drowned in the wrecked barrels and stale ale from the ancestors. The chaos warriors line up with an impressive set of trolls, whose gut have a hard time drinking the ale on the field, making them want to vomit more than ever. Warriors silently welcome the sorcerer and the hooligans with great axes swing angrily at the dwarfs holding the brewery.

Bud contemplated the evil warriors rushing through the lines with a bored frown, but even though his mind was completely oblivious to the surroundings he feelt the evil magic at work from the chaos sorcerer as he seemed to be the target! He therefore staggered behind the lines to get some more booze, with a laconic “Shoot’em down” as a single order to his army. Bolts filled the sky, or maybe one bolt filled the sky, managing to reach the chariot but only to stick in the front armor shaped as a target, crew members give themselves high fives for scoring a 20 at darts. The grim crew members of the barrel thrower sternly throwed the combat beer after drinking half the barrel themselves, hitting the warriors killing a coupled but they hold, even covered in rancid beer. The nail gun proceeded to overpower and nails 5 warriors to the ground.

The stern men from the North kept marching ahead, now very close the dwarf lines, eyeing angrily at the prized brewery, wavering their colored promotional posters and giving passersby pamphlets at a frenzied rate.

“Such guerrilla marketing cannot remain unpunished” shouted Hein the kind, walking forward the hooligans and trying to feel important. At the same time, Bud the wiser, after emptying yet another tankard wobbled back to reach his trusted Barrel closers, since the gaze of the sorcerer was still on him he thought the guys could maybe get in way, Barrel closers of which three were needed to keep him standing. In a drunken fury he yelled, “Grrrrungni damn it, why aren’t they dead yet? Gimme some beer!”, spitting all over the holed, filth-encrusted standard. The giant remote corkscrew manage this time to uncork one chariot rider, and both the barrel launcher and the nail gun shot at the warriors, downing them to two with the sorcerer. “C’mon lads” bellowed Bud, “How can ya possibly suck that bad?” as he was turning his back to the battlefield, once again oblivious to the surroundings.

Had he looked in the right direction, would he have seen the pack of trolls running towards him but he kept babbling until the stench made him turn around only to take a huge blow in the face. Now awaken, he managed to protect himself with his tankard shield, spilling some of the beer it contained on the trolls that started to disaggregate. The barrel closers were being thrown around and only managed to keep the line after the promise of an extra pint at the tavern. On the other side, Hein, stood his ground insulting the hooligans until they reached him, and started to dismember dwarfs on an industrial scale. This was too much for the barrel carriers who ran for their life or at least tried to, as the hooligans caught them and painted them in their own team color. They then ran to hit the barrel thrower.

“Things are looking pretty grim”, thought Bud the wiser, considering the possibility that he might not get his lunch beer. It was also then that the nail gunners remembered that instead of filling 4 tubes they actually could fill more and managed to fill, and shoot, 10 tubes at the remaining warriors, killing them all along with the evil sorcerer which put an end to the battle immediately!

“At least they won’t come back with their cheap ale, we don’t need no competition here” said Hein, from behind the rock where he had been hiding, taking credit for the win. “Pint time” cheered the dwarfs, another peaceful day at the Brewery.

It might not get clear through the battle report but I was to lose at the next melee phase for he would have killed bud with a troll vomit and won the game… A lucky Organ Gun shot later I smoked his general and a standard bringing me a pretty undeserved victory, especially since well after the game I realized he had forgotten to stomp on his troll, which would have killed Bud.

In terms of learning, well, I think I will try and find a way to dispose of the marauder death star and be more careful with my general, but the thing was he could be targeted by the death lore character killer spell everywhere on the map so I was bound to have it in a unit.

Anyways, hope you had fun reading the report, more to come soon.


The Grim

11-10-2010, 05:49
Thanks very much for the report! I'm loving the idea of these drunken Dwarfs!

And don't worry too much about what a little missed rule might have done, just make sure to remember it for next time. A new rules systems takes quite a while to figure out every little bit.

Those Khorne Marauders are hard to get rid of without regular shooting. Maybe some Quarrellers or a Stone Thrower?

The Grim
11-10-2010, 10:13
Thanks for the thumbs up, I had indeed some shooting but only 2 turns, and since they're frenzied I could not hope for a panice so I targeted the warriors instead, which in the end proved useful. I'm at a loss to find a way to deal with those.

12-10-2010, 16:39
"40 Khorn Marauders" When I saw this I knew you were in trouble...

The Grim
13-10-2010, 11:25
And we were talking friendly games.

Game 2 Tower fest 1000 pts

Same list as previous for the Dwarfs

Dark Elves - Meraklis

1 lvl 1 Fire Sorceress +1 spell
1 Lord 1+ armor, Pendant of Khaeleth
2x10 Crossbowmen
15 Black Guards
1 Hydra

The Beer-Mongerer clan was on the march; on the way to sell their precious ale to some ignorant peasant town, relying on their not knowing the difference between true dwarfen ale and Goblin Pee, the latter actually filling the carried barrels. It had been a bad month for the clan due to hard competition, and it was a recent activity to con useless Reiklanders into buying the golden liquid. Bud the wiser was leading the column, his own strawed barrel riveted on his back, as much for the free sample as for his own daily consumption. Leaning on his Runic staff, he was having a hard time every step of the way, heavily panting and asking for breaks every hundred meters. “It’s time to drrrrrrink” said Bud, which was, as usual greeted by loud cheers, usually followed by spits by those that had forgotten what the barrels actually contained.

Hein, forming the rear-guard, having found a new regiment to tell his famous deeds, especially telling how he single-handedly defeat the chaos army, was lost in yet another dream of glory when he realized that something was wrong on the field they were walking in. Running, or at least trying to, he rushed to Bud that was taking his well deserved mid-morning nap in the shadow of a ruined house. “Lord Bud, Lord Bud!” he shouted. “What now?” said Bud as he was trying to smash the beardling’s head with his Tankard. “Look over there milord, the tower, it’s red!”. “Arrrrrre you waking me up forrrrr a rrrrrrrrred towerrrrrrrr? Derrrrrr arrrrrre plenty of rrrrred towerrrrrrrrs all arrrrroound, just anotherrrrr humie with poorrrrr taste is all. Now Shut up forrrrrrr Valaya’s sake orrrr I’ll make you do so.”. He then fell deep asleep, even though the red on the tower was pretty obviously dripping and strangely coming from decapitated bodies hanging on the walls. Hein found himself in the position of leader of the clan, a new shot for glory, he thought. “Time to show those flimsy elves who’s in charge here!” he yelled, and the clan mustered its forces to face the sadistic elves.

With the brave spirit that’s the pride of the beardlings, Hein rushed, as fast as his legs allowed him to towards the tower occupied by busy dark elves, carving dark humored jokes on the bodies of the men recently slaughtered with the edhe of their repeating crossbows. The rest of the elven host was awaiting the carvers on the other side of the field when they spotted a little, even to dwarf standard, dwarf captain wearing is flaming red cape running for the tower, and they thought that carving jokes on a dwarf could be funny as well as humans, even though one had to be more concise due to the lack of space. That is when the nail gun decided to pump a volley, nailing 7 carvers on a single shot, seeing which they burst in laughter, only to realize that the same would happen to them if they were to stay and therefore hurriedly left the tower. The barrel thrower became unable to shoot due to pee filled barrels and, due to the poor quality of the missiles, the angry crew decided to go on strike for the battle. The Bolt thrower chose to shoot at the hydra but since it was obviously too small to be hit by a bolt they decided it was unfair and started to play cards, since it was just elves anyway.

The elves surged forward, circling the tower, rallying the fleeing carvers and the evil sorceress aimed a huge fireball at the nail gun, since it seemed to be the only useful machine anyway, and burnt it down, sending burning nails all around, one of which went straight into the helmet of Bud the Wiser but failed to wake him up. The sorceress then tried to burn some more dwarves but failed to do so. The sky was filled with dark arrows which bounced on pretty much everything they hit, failing to kill a single dwarf.

Hein kept going forward to the tower, reaching its base but panting he could not climb it and needed a break, so he removed his boots and encouraged his warriors to do the same. The only thing that could be heard at that time was the loud snoring of Bud, which was probably the source of the magic issues that the black sorceress had, the snoring being so overwhelming she could not concentrate.

That was when the hydra showed the tip of one its head behind the tower and seeing the seated dwarfs it could not help but run towards the free beardy meal. “It’s coming right for us!” yelled Hein, starting to run in front of his bootless warriors. Or at least he tried, for they got promptly eaten alive by an omnoming hydra. And that is when the sorceress called for more power, and potentially earplugs, with such a flow that it killed 5 of the cross bowers that escorted her and burnt her robes to the point that there was little left to imagination. With what was left of her spare clothing the tried and hide a bit but she was getting looks from the remaining crossbowmen. She then tried to burn some more dwarfs, once again calling on too superior a power, managing to grill to dwarfs but killing 2 more crossbowmen and burning what was left of her robes, which got her properly the new title of troopers’ comfort lady by the 3 crossbowmen at the same time and was never heard of again.

The Hammerers angered by the hydra’s free meal on their brothers chased after it, and, being blinded by their shiny armors, it fled, but not far enough and was stampeded by angry dwarf boots, the God of Irony having a stroke at that very moment.

The rest of the battle consisted of the unsuccessful assaults by the quickly thinning hammerers to take the tower, finally held by the lonely but magically protected Lord laughing as heavy dwarf hammers bounced back at their owner’s face due to his disruptor shield, hm, magical pendant.

It was after three unsuccessful assaults that Bud the wiser finally woke up and decided to put everyone on the march, since he was ready, and so it was, with the Dark Elf Lord was laughing demoniacally, and with reason, the battlefield was his, his alone.

Hope you had fun,


The Grim