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View Full Version : DIY Chapter - Sons of Corax



shadowhawk2008
24-02-2011, 10:10
So the following is the background info I have developed for my own SM chapter, mostly in relation to a fan novel I am working on. It involves said chapter allied with the Ordo Malleus, Imperial Guard and the Imperial Navy against an Iron Warriors grand company that has taken control of an important hive world. For this stuff right here, I am just looking for any place where my fluff appears contradictory to already existing fluff or where it just doesn't seem to be feasible. Any and all criticism is welcome.



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Polaria
24-02-2011, 11:31
They have often clashed with the forces of the Inquisition, particularly the Ordo Hereticus, and are often reluctant to ally themselves with Inquisitors and the forces under their command.

Instead of broad, generic statement like "often clashed with the forces of the Inquisition, particularly the Ordo Hereticus" I'd like to read the reasons why this is so? Is it because Sons willfully go against Ordo Hereticus for some reason or because Ordo Hereticus has tried to enforce their own will upon Sons? What are the reasons behind all this?



Inquisitors know well to avoid a confrontation with the Sons of Corax for it can be a deadly and dangerous affair as the Chapter enjoys a close relationship with the Imperial Guard, the Adeptus Mechanicus and other Space Marine Chapters who have a similar history of cooperation with the many and varied branches of the Adeptus Terra such as the Imperial Fists and the Ultramarines.


Imperial Guard is too big and dievrse organization for anyone to have "close relationship" with. Instead write something like "enjoys a close relationship with several well-known regiments of the Imperial Guard".

Imperial Fists and Ultramarines are both a bit too hidebound to support a such a non-codex chapter as Sons seem to be. Especially if Sons are willfully going against Ordo Hereticus. Instead of listing Imperial Fists and Ultramarines as Sons allies, use other "not-so-orthodox-codex-hugger" chapters (Space Wolves, Carcharodons etc.) or older chapters from same geneseed (Raven Guards, Raptors, Revilers and Black Guards) as your chapters closest allies.

Other than those few minor points, I like the stuff you've come up with. Especially the "beliefs" part is solid, but instead of leaving it hanging out you could expand it a bit. Maybe the Sons are working together with some less-well-known Adeptus Mechanicus priests to investigate cloning process and find ancient (Dark Age of Technology era) information on cloning? This could very well explain their problems with Ordo Hereticus, too. Maybe Inquisitors have come investigating unsubstantiated rumours of cloning technology once too often or maybe the Sons have defended their Adeptus Mechanicus allies against Ordo Hereticus?

shadowhawk2008
24-02-2011, 12:15
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removed by me.

shadowhawk2008
24-02-2011, 15:12
I am toying with the idea of the Sons and the Ordo Hereticus having clashed previously over matters of jurisdiction and battlefield ettiquete. Something akin to how the Celestial Lions clashed with the Inquisition without the fatal drawbacks or how Grimnar still has a beef with the Adeptus Terra regarding the repopulating of Armageddon after the First War.

omegoku
24-02-2011, 15:54
Since their founding, the Sons have fought on many battlefields and have won many laurels and few Chapters can match their battle record or their dedication to protecting the Imperium of Man from without and within

Seems a bit overblown! Smells of Sons of Corax are the strongest and aren't afraid of anything.
Since their founding, the Sons have fought on many battlefields and have won many laurels protecting the Imperium of Man from without and within, despite this They have often clashed with the forces of the Inquisition.

Sounds better, then explain examples of the conflict. Polaria's ideas of cloning techniques and knowing more specific guard regiments are good too.
They can't be buddies with all the unnumbered guard!

Otherwise good and interesting

Chem-Dog
24-02-2011, 17:16
Like the others who have commented here, I think this is largely well crafted and fits quite well with a few minor exceptions....


The only thing tat hasn't been mentioned that bothered me was their warcry:
Remember us, Remember the Sons of Corax!
It sounds like something you'd say as you make a final, futile charge.
You certainly don't want the people you're charging to remember you as you're gonna Kill them. As I say, minor but niggly.



Seems a bit overblown! Smells of Sons of Corax are the strongest and aren't afraid of anything.


But they still aspire to be just like the Ultramarines.....:shifty:



They can't be buddies with all the unnumbered guard!

Although, you're talking about an organisation that's 8000+ years old, fame across the Imperium (or at least their own little corner of it) for being good guys to be in a scrap with will filter down to a majority of "local" regiments and seep into any others from farther afield as soon as they encounter locals or the Chapter in question itself.
Having good relations with the Guard means a sensitivity to, if not a total agreement with, the concerns or far more human troops, many astartes are portrayed as aloof or even downright dismissive of guardsmen, a Space Marine Captain that listens to a guard officer, includes the guard in his plan or even defers to an officer is likely to be thought of well by the men. A Space Marine chapter that habitually throws itself in harm's way to secure or rescue allies and/or civillians will be adored.
I don't think it's too much to imagine that a fair level of respect and admiration between the SoC and any IG regiments they come across based purely on history.

Cythus
24-02-2011, 19:41
I really like the fluff on their views on Corax's return, orginal and interesting.

Another word on the warcry front; I'm in agreement with Chem Dog. How about something like:

'Your last memories shall be of the Sans of Corax'

Or a Catpain/Sargeant could lead his men into battle with

'Make their last memories be of the Sons of Corax'

Overall, nice homebrew Chapter.

Bold_or_Stupid
24-02-2011, 23:08
Come on! Is this it? No blurb explaining how thw third company uses teh BA codex and the 4th is Grey Knights?

You're not doing this right. :evilgrin::shifty:

All in all a nice background, they can fight alongside my woofs anyday.

HRM
24-02-2011, 23:46
Sounds pretty cool; I'm in the process of developing my own Chapter myself and this was a GREAT example of a succinct, point-form backstory. Me likey!

shadowhawk2008
25-02-2011, 06:39
i was really stumped on the whole warcry bit and it's largely a placeholder for now. I recently got the badab part 1 book and realized that not all warcries are short.

As for the guard vagueness, i am working on a list of the chapter's battles in which they participated along with other chapters and guard forces and such, as well as a couple of examples of them clashing with the inquisition. So while the chapter is itself fleet based they dont go hopping all over the imperium like the black templars and imperial fists (going by the brb sm map) anc are quite localized within a few sectors.

For the novel i'm working on i actually am working on developing a sector, part of which forms the background for the sons of corax and their battle against the iron warriors.

shadowhawk2008
26-02-2011, 15:15
Here is some more additional material for the Chapter.



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A slight rewording of a passage in their History section to eliminate the bits of vagueness.



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madd0ct0r
27-02-2011, 03:02
that new section for the history basically reads:

they're awesome, in fact slightly more awesome then your chapter. They fight with the Inquisition sometimes, but the inquisition is running scared, becuase they are that awesome. Everybody is their friend, or at least thinks they're awesome.

it's basic geek wish fulfillment. Your sentnances could be shorter too, it'd reduce the 'breathless with excitement' subtext.

sorry, i'm not sure that's as constructive as i could have phrased it, but it is slipping into wardisms

shadowhawk2008
27-02-2011, 03:31
Not really sure how you got the meaning you did from what I wrote. Just because I wrote that the Inquisitors at large avoid confrontations with the Chapter does not mean that they are running scared because my chapter is awesome. Neither do I mention that everybody is their friend.

The Sons of Corax are a fleet-based chapter with an actual area of influence unlike the Imperial Fists and Black Templars who actually go crusading throughout the Imperium. Within that area of influence the Sons have existed for some nine thousand years and have good relations with the local (multi-sector) IG forces, other chapters and so on. The idea is that they are politically well connected and tangling with them, at least openly, is not a good idea because of how much political weight they can bring down in retaliation.

madd0ct0r
27-02-2011, 09:56
Over the nine thousand years of their existence, the Sons have protected the Ultima Segmentum fiercely, with their dedication remembered on each planet they have fought for. This has led to strong respect for the Sons within the local Guard regiments and generally good relationships with other local branches of the Adeptus Terra such as the Ultramarines and the Imperial Fists.

The Sons enjoy a less easy relationship with the Inquisition, repeatedly clashing with members of the Ordo Hereticus over matters of jurisdiction and battlefield etiquette. While never approaching open conflict the Sons are as unlikely to ally themselves to an Inquisitor as it is for an Inquisitor to request their presence.


this is more what i had in mind

shadowhawk2008
27-02-2011, 10:09
So you uh paraphrased what I had written basically. I fail to see how my more elaborate passage comes off as being similar to the way Matt Ward writes his fluff.

Lowmans
27-02-2011, 10:22
Thanks for posting this stuff, I enjoyed it. If I might add something, you need flaws and enemies.
They participated in a 'disastrous' Imperial venture. Did they have to rebuild afterward?
Is there a nemesis for the chapter?
For example, they are greatly devoted to the Primarch, do they particularly seek out Night Lords warbands, perhaps. Do they seek revenge? Has this cost them in some way.
I like what you've got so far but they need balancing a little, IMHO.

shadowhawk2008
27-02-2011, 10:35
removed by me.

Lowmans
27-02-2011, 10:49
I'm trying to say to you - grasp the nettle. Give them flaws because that's what sustains interest. Have they overextended themselves fighting the betrayers? Is there a mighty chaos lord who 'tweaks their nose'.
A truly glorious combat record would have the odd defeat.

shadowhawk2008
27-02-2011, 11:25
Which is what the Becoun Wars section was supposed to be, but I glossed their participation in it so i'll add more detail. As for named, specific persistent enemies, i don't like the idea much such as how fabius bile is for blood angels, voldorius for white scars and periclitor for the howling griffons.

Sephiroth
27-02-2011, 11:49
I will say, you mention they clash with the Inquisition but you don't say why, how or what for. "Over matters of jurisdiction and battlefield etiquette" seems very vague.

shadowhawk2008
27-02-2011, 11:58
i'm going to flesh out that bit in the battles section and give the names of the battles in the history section so it all gels together.

madd0ct0r
27-02-2011, 13:17
I paaphrased yes, but also comparatively understated.

to be honest, your fluff is pretty damn good, and you clearly have the ability to polish it well. It's just I'm a mite sensitive to hyperbole, and the history section was to close for comfort.

looking forwad to the battles section.

shadowhawk2008
01-03-2011, 10:32
Ok so I rewrote the Inquisition part in the history and fleshed out three of the chapter campaigns a little bit so some things that were vague before are not so vague anymore. For the moment two of the campaigns are in the battles section while the inquisition part with associated campaign is still in the history section for the "chapter bible" as I am not sure how to arrange them together.



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