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Memnos
24-12-2012, 09:54
It was a dark room, with hugely vaulted ceilings. In the center, five people were seated around a table: Asurmen - The founder of the paths and the epitome of everything Eldar, Jain Zar - The Banshee, Fuegan - The Burning One, Karandras - The hunter, and Maugan Ra - The bringer of swift death.

The only one not seated was the winged Phoenix Lord known as Baharroth. Instead, he stood slightly to the side, addressing the front.
"Lord Asurmen, Great Teacher and Revered One. I have called us together to discuss something that must be addressed - Something that I feel must be discussed."

"Speak, my favoured son." Came the reply, Asurmen inclining his great head.

Baharroth nodded, beginning tentatively. "On my head are two feathers." He said, motioning to the multicolored items. "They are longer than my torso, and they curve directly forward. I don't know why - One would assume that because I look where I'm going when I fly, that it would curve backwards, or be ripped off by the sheer speed I'm moving because of the pressure the winds would apply to it. In fact, I have no idea - Barring me having some kind of frictionless field that prevents wind resistance from slowing me down - How it has managed to escape my attention for so long." He said, pausing for effect.

"I look stupid." he finished.

There was a general murmuring that rose up. Asurmen lifted a single hand to quiet them.

Baharroth continued, "And, Master and Great Teacher. It grieves me to point this out, but... Your helmet? It's longer than your torso. Take off your helmet. Take a measuring tape. Measure your torso. Add 25% to it, then put that on your shoulder and measure straight up. That is how long your helmet is, and it's ridiculous. It's also stupid."

The murmuring became a crescendo of out rage. "How dare y-" "Cultural significance!" "Burn you to TOAST."

Asurmen listened, then responded when the outcry quieted. "My son, you have missed the fact that we have anti-gravity technology. My helmet weighs next to nothing."

"Great teacher -" Baharroth responded, "Wouldn't it be better to take that energy and redirect it to your weaponry, or perhaps a field of some sort to protect you? That way, you would be a better warrior and you wouldn't have that ridiculous helmet."

"Ah, but my son - The generator is in the helmet." came the reply from Asurmen.

"Wear a backpack. Same effect, only without the painfully stupid helmet." Baharroth countered.

Fuegan stood up challengingly, "The Master's helmet is perfectly acceptable! I see nothing wrong with it."

Baharroth whirled on the new challenger, "Don't even get me started. Your helmet and Karandras' are more than two times the length of your torso and yours is flat. Do you know how I would beat you? A hair dryer. A stiff breeze would get caught by that bloody great thing and you'd be on your back like a turtle, unable to get back up. Or I'd just walk in to a house. How do you even fit through doors?"

"Why do you think the Empire has such gigantic portals in to their places?"

"The EMPIRE built their gigantic gothic doorworks specifically so that people like us could fit through their doors?"

Karandras interjected, "Why else would they build them? It's so when we strike from the shadows, we'll be able to fit through the doors comfortably. Very practical, really."

The argument was interrupted by Jain Zar, who was laughing.

Baharroth ripped off his helmet and cast it to the side, "Don't even get me started on YOU. Your hair is ridiculous. It's twice as tall and twice as wide around in circumference as your torso. More than that, even. That means your hair makes up more than four times your body in space and it's in a giant afro. And - Y'know? Your Howling Banshees look just as stupid. Have you noticed their hair extends the exact same distance from the helmet no matter where it is located on that gigantic pointy-headed altar to our stupidity? Why? Are their heads pointy? Do you have giant conical head followers? If YOU got hit by a stiff breeze you'd take off from the ground like a hot air balloon. I don't even know WHAT would happen if it rained on any world where you fight. You'd be smothered in your own ridiculous hair."

Baharroth finished breathlessly, having spat out the whole rant in one long rage-fuelled breath. Silence hung in air for the space of a few moments before Asurmen asked, "And Maugan Ra? You haven't said anything about him."

"He looks fine. He's a bad-assed 80s heavy metal album cover."

Everyone murmured their agreement.

Hendarion
24-12-2012, 10:02
You don't really believe the hair on banshee masks originates from the real Eldar heads, do you? If so, Dire Avengers would be far more oddly shaped than Banshees.
Partly amusing read, but... a lot of internet rant and hatred for the old models inside. They are 20 years old after all, you would hate to see Thraka or Abaddon from these ages. :shifty:

the_picto
24-12-2012, 10:32
He can see abaddon, it's the same one they are still selling.

innerwolf
24-12-2012, 10:43
He can see abaddon, it's the same one they are still selling.

And he is the most badass drag queen of the galaxy. That top knot is absolutely hilarious!

Hendarion
24-12-2012, 11:17
He can see abaddon, it's the same one they are still selling.
I was comparing the GW-one to the new Heresy-version from ForgeWorld. Excuse me for not making that clear enough.

Memnos
24-12-2012, 12:01
I was comparing the GW-one to the new Heresy-version from ForgeWorld. Excuse me for not making that clear enough.


While this is a hilariously bad model:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1800132a_99800102001_AbaddonTheDespoiler_445x319. jpg

This is... Well... Measure your torso. Double that measurement and then stick it on your shoulder. That's less than how big his head is in this:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1241374_99060104029_Fueganmain_445x319.jpg

Maugan Ra is from that era and while he has enormous shoulder pads, he doesn't look that bad.

In fact, this model is about 10 years older than those ones and despite his monkey hands and his enormous hat, it's still a fantastic model:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m2130198a_99800207024_HeinrichKemmlerCFC01_873x627 .jpg

To this day, I have no idea how Fuegan or Karandras get through doors without breaking their neck by leaning forward.

Scalebug
25-12-2012, 16:08
In fact, this model is about 10 years older than those ones and despite his monkey hands and his enormous hat, it's still a fantastic model:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m2130198a_99800207024_HeinrichKemmlerCFC01_873x627 .jpg


While the character Heinrich Kemmler had been around almost from the beginning of warhammer, that model was designed and released for the 4th ed Undead armybook, 1994... same year as the Phoenix Lords.

And really, when people say "whine seer", these are the typical intelligently constructive threads they mean... :p

Chrysalis
25-12-2012, 19:09
I recently purchased an Asurmen metal model on ebay. When I received it I realized it was a "soft" metal one and the year on the base bar is 1993! :D (and it's near mint!)

Spider-pope
25-12-2012, 19:35
While this is a hilariously bad model:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1800132a_99800102001_AbaddonTheDespoiler_445x319. jpg

This is... Well... Measure your torso. Double that measurement and then stick it on your shoulder. That's less than how big his head is in this:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1241374_99060104029_Fueganmain_445x319.jpg

Maugan Ra is from that era and while he has enormous shoulder pads, he doesn't look that bad.

In fact, this model is about 10 years older than those ones and despite his monkey hands and his enormous hat, it's still a fantastic model:

http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m2130198a_99800207024_HeinrichKemmlerCFC01_873x627 .jpg

To this day, I have no idea how Fuegan or Karandras get through doors without breaking their neck by leaning forward.

Abbadabbadabbadon is a hilariously bad model? Since when?

Chem-Dog
25-12-2012, 22:11
Well, I thought it was funny....

lolplates
26-12-2012, 05:01
I too liked it. I do like the cartoony style from that era.

H3L!X
27-12-2012, 09:05
Haha, really had to laugh.
I too always wonder why those helmets are so big, one reason why i did not buy those.
Same goes for Shining Spears Exarch, you would think those Wings on the side of the helmet will catch the wind; and when they start boosting it'll rip off their heads!!
Dark Reapers too have those Wings. I definitely don't like them.

ehlijen
27-12-2012, 09:56
The main reasons those helmets are the way they are is because it makes them different.

Chrysalis
27-12-2012, 09:58
And it's'also the "elven" signature in both WH40K and WHBattle

H3L!X
27-12-2012, 11:51
The elven signature is the cone shape and not the useless "Wings" or oversized helmets.