PDA

View Full Version : Homebrew : The Scorpions of Baal



Horus Lupercal
17-02-2013, 21:02
Hey guys.

I have re done the fluff for my chapter and it can be found here

http://www.librarium-online.com/forums/40k-army-fluff/234466-scorpions-baal.html#post2065002

Feel free to comment there or on here.

Thanks guys.

radical ed
18-02-2013, 21:14
Yellow text, on the white background is impossible to read. Could you change that?

Horus Lupercal
18-02-2013, 21:42
I didt realise it had changed, must have done it when i imported the text. I have set it to default now.

Hopefully people can read it, thanks for pointing it out as i was wondering why i had so many views but no comments!!

madd0ct0r
19-02-2013, 09:26
the fluff seems fine. no major screaming errors I can see.
The writing style is a bit breathless, breaking up some sentences into multiple shorter ones might help there.

Horus Lupercal
19-02-2013, 10:22
Sure I will take a look. Im not the best word smith in the world to be honest so I dont think im going to get the layout perfect, its more the content im wanting to be ok.

FLUFF RE WRITTEN, SEE FIRST POST.