View Full Version : Resisting the urge to be nerdy

09-07-2013, 01:00
DISCLAIMER: I am partially writing this post for catharsis and am also writing this post to get feedback from you, the online community.

With that being said; I am sort of experiencing an internal struggle. It would be best to preface this with a little about myself so you can understand the context. I (in my opinion) possess limited social aptitude and even less when speaking with females and trying to become intimate. So much so that I have kind of stopped in the past year (although looking to hop back on that horse). With that being said I will continue onto the main event:

I have been out of wargaming for a while and sporadically play RPGs (like once every 2 months). A big part of me wants to get back into all of that and make some new gaming buddies (I have relocated from my old gaming area). Honestly, if I dropped all my inhibitions I would play Infinity as my main wargame with like 2 armies for that and one medium sized 40k army for fun, and be in a Black Crusade and Star Wars: EotE campaign all at the same time. However, I constrain myself for a few reasons. I honestly think that going "full nerd" if you will would constrain my ability to befriend people outside of my geeky circle. Worse, it would inhibit my ability to actually get a legitimate girlfriend and eventually marry. I know what you are all thinking but please read my preface which describes my (lack of) social aptitude. I feel that there is a certain necessity to constrain myself so as to not lose those chances entirely. Seriously, how attractive is it for a girl you bring home to see your plastic men on the shelf while you 2 make out on your bed? On top of that, there are not too many nerdy girls around who are accepting of it and those who are around are not exactly easy to pin down.

A second part of this problem is that I am not sure if I want to go "full nerd". A big part of me (like 55%) wants to, but I feel that I should try and force myself out of my comfort zone and try some new and unfamiliar hobbies. Such as watching sports so I can discuss them with others and have something "mainstream" to discuss. I did play sports in high school and I do work out frequently (I am not a fat neck-beard). However, my interest in physical fitness does not help me become interested in sports. As it stands, my mainstream discussions are politics, policy, history, and philosophy. Which are all intriguing to me but not everyone likes to talk about that all the time........and the only other thing for me to talk about after those are my nerd games I play. I think that for the sake of networking in the future and being able to make friends with people I wouldn't normally meet that I am justified in stunting my voracious urge to game.

TL;DR: I want to get back into gaming but am worried about how this will limit me socially in other aspects of life. I am worried it will limit my interest in other hobbies, thereby alienating potential friends, and that it may hurt dating prospects. Given my lack of social aptitude these concerns have a modicum of saliency that they would otherwise lack.

What advice do you guys have? Does anyone else have this problem or worry from time to time?

09-07-2013, 02:52
I say: Do what you feel would make you happy. Changing into someone you are not is not good. But I can suggest doing what I did for a while. Having 50% nerd time and 50% social time. Going out to meet people, go to parties or such. So in your situation I would say have 1-3 nerdy things and then find some new things to do. Best way is to do something a bit random. Go with people to new things and events. Or go there yourself.
But never just let all your nerdy traits go away. It is what makes you you.

I actually never had a problem with girls. Being a nerd since the age of 6. I owe that to my father who also was a nerd but a good charmer and later became a hooligan and then back to charming.
Today I have a good balance with being nerdy and having a life. Met a girl almost 2,5 years ago now and today we live together. She has adapted to my nerdy life style. She even owns an 40K ork army and 50 games on various platforms today. Before that she was a girl trying to fit in with the cool people. I even got into her secret hobby and love for rodents and anything a like. Even got 2 gerbils.

So I dont think you should have any trouble slowly finding a girl and getting her interested in your nerdy hobbies as long as you are willing to be a part of her hobbies :)

I am much like you describe yourself. I am nerdy and like to discuss politics, history and many other subjects. I am also not a social mastermind, very shy. I have hard time talking to people in enviroments I dont feel comfortable in.

So as I said before. Split your interests :) Be 50% nerd and 50% social. Go to random events. Try new stuff. Unless you already do it, dress up in some bright color.

Other than that I dont know your age but for my nerdy best friend girls came with time. We have been friends for 14 years and today he is also in a steady relationship. And he was far more nerdy than I was. But he did what I told him. Go to a random event with a friend. And he did. We are both 20 today and he is studying game design and I am working and next year I will be off to the military. Aiming for jetpilot.

Good luck and best regards!

09-07-2013, 07:03
This subject isn't one which is suitable for WarSeer

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