View Full Version : Red Dwarf: The Chronicles of the White Lilliputian [IC thread]

17-06-2006, 13:30
In the deepest depths of deepest deep space hangs The Ivory Lilliputian. Like some gargantuan specter of the void. It has lain silent for millennia, with naught but the silent hum of its Bussard ramjet cutting through the icy tranquility of this ghostly vessel.

Yet, this is not the tomb ship it seems. For within the bowls of the vessel lie row after row of frost glass tubes, and within each lies a spark of life, a mind, a human. Separated for the passing of eons, spared the ravages of time; humanity endures.

And now; stirs…


Chaos, those last moments that fill your memories are Chaos. You remember the smoke, the screaming, and the dull and sickly glow of the scarlet warning lights. You remember the mechanical manta of the ship Artificial Intelligence; Gulliver 5000, urging you in unwavering and unemotional tones to precede to the suspended animation booths in hold C456-alpha. You made it, you’re sure others didn’t. You remember the insidious hiss as the camber clamped shut about you, and the brief flicker of oblivion as, for you, time ceased to exist. Now, as that same hiss announces the opening of the camber. You hear the first words spoken on this cursed ship in almost three million years:

All right dudes?


Gary (he hated being called Gulliver) was worried. Three million years of not being sure what’s going on will do that to you. There was much he couldn’t remember, and a hell of a lot more he couldn’t explain. Why had he ordered the crew into suspended animation? Why couldn’t he release them until now? Why could he only release these few? Why were there vast stenches of nothingness in his memory banks? And where the hell had all the skutters gone?

Still, best not burden the newly awakened crew with his troubles…


Gary: Welcome back! Sorry about the whole having to suspend you, dreadful emergency you see. Long passed now though! Um… sorry I couldn’t get you guys back earlier, slight malfunction with the booths. In fact, you’re the only ones I could get out! The others seem a bit stuck.

Anyway, like I say; you guys have been under a bit longer than I wanted: ‘bout three million years in fact. So, my way of saying sorry and making it up to you all; I’ve cooked you a fry up. It’s just down the hall in the mess room. We’re a bit low on supplies so I had to improvise a bit, top notch ingredients none the less! Well, when you’re done give us a yell and I’ll sort of whatsit-debrief, yer… I’ll debrief you. Cheerio!

18-06-2006, 15:29
Deep within the labyrinthine vessel, at the center of a maze of ancient, tarnished corridors ribbed with pipes and strung with electrical cables, lay a tiny, sound-proofed door.
Behind this, a boxey room still lay whelmed in darkness.
At the centre of this claustrophobic blackness, upon a once shiny table: a black sphere of glassy stone.
If a smooth inanimate object with no external protuberances were able to twitch or scratch itself immodestly, this one probably would.
Instead, it flickered briefly, faintly - a half-flash of eerie green sentience at the center of a dark space, within a dense myriad of other dark spaces, within the great, absymal, incomprehensibly vast dark space that was the universe - and rolled slightly to it's left.
Though considering it was round, and under the geographic circumstances, it could just have easily been it's right.
Now, with a thin, resonant whine in the sound-proofed chamber, it rolled to trace a circle on the table, a hoop on the dustless surface, and as it completed the noisy little circuit, it bumped against an ancient, mouldering library book, whose faded title read: Warhammer 40,000 - Harlequin.
Another flicker of wakefullness, and the Orb rolled off the table.
No sound came of the sphere hitting the floor - although it was padded with black rubber, so wouldn't have made much of noise anyway - and a throbbing green glow began to emanate from beneath the table.

Cpt. Drill
18-06-2006, 22:09
OOC/ when will I be allowed to post?

19-06-2006, 06:54
OOC/ when will I be allowed to post?

OOC: Anytime, I was going to leave your introduction up to you. Then Gary will explain how you can to be on the ship.

Goq Gar
19-06-2006, 09:15
Meanwhile, in the Mess hall, screaming could be heard all throughout the hall as crewmate after crewmate met their agony, writhing in pain. "Next victim!" A young man, who couldn't have been older than 21 stepped forward, well, half stepped, half fell as his mates nudged and urged him towards the towering monster seated before them. He shook as he placed a few credits on the table, to watch them drawn away as his life soon would be too. "Elbow on the pad, boy..." grumbled the giant, and he oblidged as though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

The table shook in it's fixings as a rough elbow slammed onto the other pad. The giant's other arm was busy searching for something in it's flak jacket, fearing the worst the boy turned his head away, eyes closed, only opening them to the slow Glug, glug of the monster's hip flask. With a satisfied "Aaaah" the giant slipped the small silver flask back in it's pocket, and placed it's other hand on the table, another small tremor following as it hit.

"Three..." the self proclaimed referree announced. The boy started mumbling, trying to ignore the constant jostling and shoulder patting from the crowd.
"Two..." He saw his mother giving him his new school jumper, his dad getting back from work in his old Jaguar...
"ONE..." the giant's hand grasped his so tight he swore his fingers would shoot off like fireworks any second.
"GO!!!!!!!" the ref screamed in glee.

It took exactly 0.212 seconds for his hand to be embedded in the metal mess table. The Giant simply let out a hearty laugh as his foe weeped in agony, a raucous of gaeity arose form the crowd, some falling over each other in glee, as the young boy hobbled back into the crowd. Bragg simply pocketed the credits the boy had forked over, and smiled. "Next victim, please!"...

(OOC: right, sorry :P Below is an add on - edit)

Another memory echoing in his head, how long had he been in stasis so far...? He'd tried counting, but after the confusing "Time field phenomena" speech the lieutennant had given him, he got sick thinking about whether someone outside would count at the same speed at him, then he thougt what number he would be at when someone outside was at, say thirty. Soon he felt ill. He tried to change his thinking but simply found himself thinking instead about the ancient question. If a disk is spinning at the same speed, how does a point on the edge of the disk spin faster than one on the inside without the disk warping? Then he became afraid, and yet again, more confused. What would happen if the body wanted to vomit in stasis? Would it simply freeze in the intestines? Or would it become a floating globule in the booth? Or worst, and possibly most entertainingly of all, would he simply throw up on whoever stood in front of the door when it opened? Then he simply fell into a black hole of questions, which he had been warned might happen, where was he right now? Why could he think? Could something be wrong with he stasis field? Could he wake up and not be able to leave the booth? Could he wake up and when the Field deactivated simply decompose instantly, or find his fingernails stretch for meters and hair create a ball of fluff in which he suffocated??!?!?! On the brink of dementia, he managed to regain control of himself with some calm thoughts, and simply ignored the bundles of queries and thoughts bursting into existence in his head every second. Stasis, as it turned out, wasn't so bad. He averaged he'd been in for about a minute or two, but then a truly daunting idea washed over him. Was he going to be conscious the whole time? How bored he would become he didn't dare begin to think of...

19-06-2006, 09:24
OOC: Sorry, should have been clearer; all the crew but the players are in suspended animation still.

Can you edit your post so it’s a flashback or something Goq Gar? Then I’ll delete this one. :)

19-06-2006, 09:49
In a small storage room in the Engeneering Section a tall rectangular blue box makes an odd noise as after 3,002,000+ years the computers inside finally arrange a set of molecules in the correct order and materialize the person who was instantly transmitted over a great distance of 5,247,897,402 meters into the machine from which he emerges.

Albert Falconeer (me) steps out and says into a communicator, "Hey guys, I told you it would work. Guys... Guys...?"

At this point a voice says "Welcome back! Sorry about the whole having to suspend you, dreadful emergency you see. Long passed now though! Um… sorry I couldn’t get you guys back earlier, slight malfunction with the booths. In fact, you’re the only ones I could get out! The others seem a bit stuck.

Anyway, like I say; you guys have been under a bit longer than I wanted: ‘bout three million years in fact. So, my way of saying sorry and making it up to you all; I’ve cooked you a fry up. It’s just down the hall in the mess room. We’re a bit low on supplies so I had to improvise a bit, top notch ingredients none the less! Well, when you’re done give us a yell and I’ll sort of whatsit-debrief, yer… I’ll debrief you. Cheerio!"

After a few moments of thought Albert realises "I knew I should have installed the pattern recognition matrix infront of, not after the pattern arrangers, thus arranging the pattern correctly the first time not waiting for the correct arrangment. I've got to get back to the station and correct that before anyone tries to use it again. Wait a minute, did he just say three million years? Well those idiots, never met anyone with an IQ over 200, probably still haven't figured out that one small problem. Wonder if the station is still there. Wonder if my lab is still intact. Wonder if that cute redhead is still a lab assistant, no at 3 million years she'd be too old."

Look around for anything familiar, any of his other inventions. Not finding any Falconeer wanders off. "I just looked at the plans a few hours ago. Err three million years ago. Something like that. Now where am I, and where is everyone else?"

19-06-2006, 17:24
Endo stared at the wall.

What could he remember?

He remembered Gul... Gary telling him about, some diaster... something about conserving power. Something about lighting the entire of Paris for a month. And then, he was switched off.

Maybe it was a dream, maybe he had never died, and never came back as a hologram. Maybe the skutters now had to go around him instead of through him. Maybe, but then again, maybe not.

Endo turned to look at himself in the mirror.
"Damn," he said as he massaged the two inch high shiny H on his forehead.
"Gulliver?..." no reply, "Gary?"
"Alright mate, what's happening?"
"What happened?"
"What happened when?"
"What happened when? Alot of things have happened, are happening and will ha..."
"I mean what happened to make you turn me off?"
"Big diaster, had to conserve power."
"Right... what day is it?"
"Ok, what year is it?"
"Three million two thousand-"
"Three million two thousand?"

Alco Engineer
20-06-2006, 02:45
Shaking his head, Francis Leftsputz rested his hand on the officers suspended animation chamber as he climbed out. His right foot snagged on the lip of the opening and he fell face first onto the hard steel flooring. Quickly recovering and looking around to ensure no other staff members had seen him he dusted off his veleour suit.

He checked his watch. The time was 06:10 and it was warning of low background radiation. "Good" he thought out loud. "I might go and find the captain to organise when our next meeting will be then I might grab something to eat. I'm quite hungry"

As he started to walk towards the door he remembered hearing something when he was waking from his slumber. Gary mentioned 3 million years. "I wonder what that announcement was about. I'm sure someone would have told me personally if it was important."

Goq Gar
20-06-2006, 20:22
A small light beeped green in front of him on the wall. He could see. He was awake? But... He'd only been in stasis for three minutes, four, five tops! Suddenly all his doubts about stasis ran back to him, hoping he'd been wrong, the "skisshhh" of steam let out as the door opened.

"Aaaah, that's better." he said aloud as he realised how stupid his fears had been. The most advanced technology was in place on this ship, with the most advanced AI possible in control of the ship. "Gary! Ya there Gary? Isn't some toff in uniform meant to meet me 'ere?!?"

(OOC: Forgive not making Gary's text special, forgiving me please! XP)

"Hey Bragg. Hows it hangin then?" the image spoke.

"Not bad Gary, what happened to the stasis booth? I was only in there a minute!"

"A minute's a little bit of an understatement mate."

"What... two... three minutes?"

"Um, a bit more..."

"Five? Ten? Give me an idea here..."

"Try adding some zeroes."

"Come on Gary, fine, how many..."




Bragg stared at the almost miasmic face of Gary, the AI.

"Gary... how long was I in stasis?"

"Two thousand years."

"TWO THOUSAND YEARS!!?!? You're joking mate come on!!!"

Laughing, Gary nodded slowly. "Sorry mate, couldn't resist."

"It's okay, now how long was I in stasis?"

"Three million two thousand years."

Bragg simply stared at him. Three million years? Three MILLION years? It couldn't be true, it must be another of Gary's very... very... very bad jokes, the kind he told at last year's christmas party. But unless everyone on board was in on it, then why was everything so... quiet? Of course there was noise, lots of it, the same clang clang that kept him up all night, the same whirring of the air conditioners, which were strangely strained and less audible than usual. What he couldn't hear scared him. No crew shouting curses along corridors at others for flushing during their shower allowance, no raucous laughter from the captain's quarters... All he could head was...

"JACOB!!!" He shouted as he pelted the corridor towards the figure at the end, embracing it in a hug that could compact coal.

"I wouldn't hug that mate" Came Gary's voice.

"What are you, nuts!? It's Jacob!"

"No it's not." He said simply.

"Well who is it then?" he asked sarcastically.

"A piping hot reactor pipe."

Bragg looked from the strangely shiny crewman to the blurred shape of Gary's face, Suggenly realising his cheek and hands were being scalded.

"YEOW!!!" he screamed as he jumped back.

"Delerium. Happens with some people after they leave prolonged stasis."

"Delerium? You mean hallucinations?"

"Yeah, try to focus or you'll be playing soltaire on the self destruct panel soon."

"Gary... How long was I in stasis?"

"Listen now try to understand, I couldn't let you out-"

"How long... gary?"

"Sorry, Bragg. I told you. Three million, two thousand years."

"So... everyone's..."

"In the mess hall? Yep."

"Wait... there's others?"

"Yeah, They were in stasis too... well... except for two but i'm sure they'll explain that."

"Who? Where? Who?" he chanted anxiously.

"Them, mess hall, Them" He repeated in the same anxious voice. "I'm sure they're as confused as you, now go get some food, I had the skutters fix you all something special... well... special's a good way to put it, yeah. Go on, I'll talk to you later." And with that the screen went blank.

"Three million years?" He said aloud. "Three million years...? Three million years?" He repeated to himself as he set off for the mess hall.

Alco Engineer
22-06-2006, 03:04
Finding his way through the familiar, yet empty corridors to the captains quarters seemed harder than he remembered. It had only been a couple of days surely since the catastrophy that had led him to take his fellow officers to the stasis feilds while the captain sorted out the problem with ship.

Opening that all too familiar door to enter the captains quaters. He still remembered the first time he saw it. When the captain broke the news to him that his superior officer had somehow managed to find his way into the garbage processing after inflicting 17 stab wounds to himself in the back with a soldering iron. He would forever appreciate the chance he had been given and would always remember the name of his officer that had taken his own life in such a violent way. "Was it steve, simon.......Oh who cares it started with S anyway"

As the door slid open he found the desk exactly as it had been left, except there was no sign of the captain. There were papers strewn across the desk, his intergalactic maps were pinned on the wall and his faded pink teddy bear was sitting on his brown leather recliner.

Francis found himslef starring into the room for a few moments his mind completely blank. taking one final look around the captain's quarters he headed to find the Navigational officer to discover where they had gone in his short time in stasis.

The corridors of the Ivory Lilliputian were still ghost like and free of their usual horseplay between the crew of the ship which Francis had grown accustomed to. There was however a strange odour wofting from the Mess hall. A combination of curry powder, bacon and the body odour of large men left too long between showers.

Francis's Belly was starting to ache so he decided to stop in on the crew in the mess hall before finding the Navigational Officer. It'd be a good opportunity to check the morale of the crew after the incident a couple of days ago, he thought. Plus a bit of tucker would be good to help ease these space sickness wobbles he was feeling.

One can't look weak in front of the crew afterall.

22-06-2006, 16:14
Within the ship's tiny counselling room - rubber upholstered in the interests of safety, but as a result resembling a fetish broom-cupboard - a green glow emerged from beneath the small table as 'the Orb' hoved outwards and upwards, into the stuffy air.
The green luminescence pulsing from it's centre flickered, before being replaced by a red Er
This stuttered once more, before changing to Re-analogising - Please Standby ;) accompanied by faint, tinny muzak.
Drifting in what would be perceived by some as a lazy arc, to others perhaps as the small and spherical bodied equivalent of a Manchunian swagger, the object moved over to the sound-proofed door, which swung open with a Squeeeee-THUMP, and the Orb sauntered limb-lessly out into the stretching corridor.

Goq Gar
22-06-2006, 21:11
(OOC: Looks like I really messed up, missed your edit post. Should we just leave it as it is with me being the only crewmate leaving stasis or should I just revamp the whole thing?)

C. Langana
23-06-2006, 00:21
(OOC Goq Gar just leave your post as is, your doing fine mate. we AIs are notoriously unreliable, just bear it in mind next time)

24-06-2006, 10:18
Standing over the star maps, Endo was trying to find out where the hell they were. The maps only showed the White Lilliputan, no planets, no stars, nothing.
"Gary, is the console working ok?"
"It should be, unless the mice 'ave got at it, in which case, I have no idea," Endo rolled his eyes and zoomed out the star map to long range to see if there was anything nearby. Nothing. Long long range? Nothing. Long long long range? Nothing. The star maps didn't zoom out any further.
"Gary, show me the nearest star on the star map," the console went blank. "Gary?"
"Hold on, it'll take a while to get there. It's miles away is the nearest star."
"How many miles?"
"I don't know, I lost count at about fifteen million," the console finally got to the nearest star, it was well known within navigational officers, as it was the star furthest from Earth that anyone had ever been to.
"Gary, where the heck are we?"
"Don't know, I don't think it's on the star charts."

Goq Gar
24-06-2006, 21:54
He passed under a few pipes as he made his way to the mess hall, all of which had the same label "Caution, hot!". Most of them, however, had melted onto the pipe. He found the corridor he had walked through so many times on his way to the mess hall after a good night's sleep, for one of the parties... Now there was nothing but the hum of an old wreck, floating through space.

And the farmiliar sound of one crewman. "Gary, where the heck are we?" he heard ring through the corridor. "Don't know, I don't think it's on the star charts." he heard, in Gary's toned voice.

He entered the room and found a farmiliar face. "Endo! You're alive!!!"

25-06-2006, 06:46
Albert thinks for a moment, "I just looked at the designs for the ship a few hours ago,err well that was 3,000,000 years ago. guess I'll need a guide to get me to the mess."

Looks for a machine shop, goes in, starts throwing things together and makes a quick still. "This will only take twenty minutes to make a batch of alch."

Starts throwing together another gizmo from various parts including a broken skutter. Finishes just in time for the still to finish its first batch. "Three million years is a long time to go without a drink, though it feels like just last night I had some." Drinks the glass and before the second batch is done passes out falling on still.

Few hours later wakes up looks at still, "I was only going to have one drink, guess I must have had several, just don't remember them. Will off to the mess." picks up his new toy and says, "Direct me to the mess."

After following the direction Albert looks around the room feeling nostalgic and says, "blast it this is not what I meant." The room had not been used or cleaned in ages, there were outlines out where trousers, t-shirts and socks has been left until they decayed and left their residue. There was also an unopened bottle of beer on the table which had developed an entire ecosystem inside, the dominant life form having already reaching sentience. As soon as Albert speaks an energy pulse shoots out and destroys the bottle of beer and the civilization thriving inside. Albert looks at his device and says, "I know thats what I said, I didn't mean it litterally, besides how did you do that?"

"Oh yea, I forgot I built that into you, just killing time waiting for the brew. OK take me to where you eat."

A few hours later Albert walks into a room with a power hook up and skutter repair equipment.

"Take me to where people eat you rotten piece of junk."

The direction finally lead Albert to the mess hall, before going in Albert walk down the hall a few yards to the machine shop where the directional device was made, and disasembles it. The returns to the mess hall.

25-06-2006, 10:49
"Endo! You're alive!" Endo turned around, then took a step back and craned his neck to look at Bragg's smiling face,
"I wish, Bragg," he tapped the metallic 'H' on his forehead, "remember?"

25-06-2006, 11:32
All over the gargantuan vessel. Lights which had lain dormant for millennia sprung to life. Lights which meant one thing: peril. The corridors were flooded with the deep red strobe.

Gary: There’s an emergency going on. It’s still going on. And it’s still an emergency! Um, guys. I’m going to need you all in the mess hall NOW. I’d advise you to leg it. That’s Right chaps this is a Maroon Alert!

25-06-2006, 18:12
"Maroon!?" shouted Endo as he ran alongside Bragg on the way to the mess hall, "God, let's hope it doesn't elevate to violet!"

Alco Engineer
26-06-2006, 00:13
"An Emergency? Gary! Why didn't you consult with me before declaring an emergency? Oh well. At least the mood lighting makes my veleour suit look camoufaged."

Francis started of at a quick trot to try to get to the mess hall first so that it at least looked like he was in charge...

Goq Gar
27-06-2006, 16:55
Running alongside, "Well whatever's going on we'd better just run!" he said.

04-07-2006, 03:52
Walks into mess hall and says, "Is anybody here," here, here, here, here...

Was Gary's voice just an echoe?

Is the White Lilliputian just a ghost ship which I was reintegrated on when everyone/everything else is dead and gone?

C. Langana
05-07-2006, 01:09
[OOC] I'm very sorry the lilliputian has slowed down, Rathgar has been caught up moving and I've been err, lazy. So things are beginning properly in about ninety minutes when I post an update [OOC]
You enter the mess hall, there is a delicious smell of fried food, a solitary skutter rolls across the floor toward yourself and the group of other crewmembers assembling near the door.
The sound of it's motivator whines through the cavernous mess hall as it drags a mobile telescreen displaying a dazed but benevolent Gary toward the head of a nearby table. You note that the Skutter's manipulator appears to have rusted into a prominent V. Gary nods to the table, 'sit down and err, make yourself comfortable, or at least hover comfortably. Bill here will bring your breakfast shortly. I should warn you, the brown sauce mutated and in the end transcended it's culinary beginnings. So if you want any on your space weev... bacon you might be committing genocide.
Anyway, you've all rather over-slept by three million odd years, I don't quite know why, but well, sorry dudes. I'm sure there was a really good reason why.
It's been pretty boring, but some odd stuff has happened while you lot were dozing. For one thing you might have noticed I'm called Gary now, I tried being Francesca for a bit but that got plain weird.
Well, guys it appears we are not alone, I can't really talk much longer but I've got a mate with me here in the AI, his name's Jolly. I'm not to sure whether you'll like him, he's got this evil vibe going on. He's spent a good few of the last years mucking about in the science labs and there's some really nasty stuff running about on board the lilliputian now.'

Bill returns towing a tray of fried... things. they look as though they might be quite tasty. The bottle of brown sauce is shaking.
The display on the video screen splits, pushing Gary to one side, a new face appears wearing a millitary looking cap with a badge showing crossed keyboards below a skull.
Jolly:'Gentlemen, I am Horatio R. Jolly, a new breed of AI, I look forward to ushering a new era of peace and prosperity in the galaxy, also KILLING ALL HUMANS, Humanoids, floating orb things and anything else I take a dislike too.'
Gary:'That's not very nice mate.'
J: 'ah Gary, my favourite inferior, I see you've woken some of the humans. Have you told them about the mutated snails yet?'
G: 'Nah I was going t.. what mutated snails?'
J: 'well it was going to be a surprise for your deathday.'
G: 'No scalectrix?'
With that Jolly is pushed off screen.
G: 'look lads I don't know how long I can keep him at bay, I suggest you make like yesterdays jalapeno pizza and run.'
The mess hall doors all slam shut, bar one through which you can hear the suggestion of several large squelching things approaching.

[More to follow]

Goq Gar
05-07-2006, 23:42
[OOC] Looks like its time to grab the bazookoids lads!!! [OOC]

07-07-2006, 07:46
Starts grabing things, putting something together; a tray, some utensils, toaster, bacon, starts towards sink then says, "no don't need to blow up the ship yet," leaves sink. Picks up bottle of brown sauce and places it in gadget, aims at door way waiting for whatever comes through.

07-07-2006, 12:47
Endo looked about, slightly dazed, but aware of the situation. Some crew members had turned over tables as a rudimentary barricade, and others were fashioning crude weapons out of kitchen utensils.

Endo could do neither.

Being a Hologram was a trying experience, but it had its advantages. For one, no one can kill you, you're already dead, and you can state as such in a loud and dramatic voice if you want, you know, just to sound cool. Endo wasn't going to though, not yet at least. He simply walked towards the open doors and looked down the corridor.

Hundreds of eyes, all on stalks, stared back.

Goq Gar
10-07-2006, 07:58
Bragg saw others creating all kinds of wonderous contraptions, and fashioning make-shift defenses. Bragg had something else in mind. He picked up a chair and stood against the wall next to the doorway.

"We need real weapons..." he muttered to himself.

10-07-2006, 17:29
As the slimy creatures slowly crawled forward, they stared at Endo with hungry eyes. One opened its mouth, row upon row of teeth sat inside as the thing let out a screaming roar and lept, or as close as you can get to leaping when you're an 8-foot snail, at Endo. It flew through him, looked about confusedly, and then saw a chair coming towards it, very, very quickly.


Alco Engineer
11-07-2006, 00:39
"Good thinking guys," said Francis as he snapped out of being frozen. He never was much good with fear. "We'll need to hold them off until we can figure out a way to get somewhere a bit safer."

"Bragg! See if you can make a path through them and we'll see what we can manage."

Goq Gar
11-07-2006, 16:32
"Now yer speakin ma language!" he growled.

Looking about quickly, he noticed an aerosol can lying on a table next to him. Grabbing it he scrambled in his pocket for his lighter, the one his father had given him as he got on the ship. The one with the smooth chrome nozzle. He lifted it ahead of him like a shield and held the aerosol can behind it. And letting out a mighty roar he ran through the door and pressed down the can nozzle. Needless to say, after several million years, the contents of aerosol cans become slightly "tempermental". Rather than the warding gout of flame he expected, the effects were more like a napalm bomb being dropped into the hold of an oil tanker. Standing in awe of his work, he stammered "um... it.. its... clear..."

13-07-2006, 09:52
Gary struggeled to hold on. The malignant presence infested every circuit, transistor and capacitor of his formidable mainframe, and it was growing stronger… soon would come the terrible black nothingness as his software was shunted to the background. A low murmur, and echo of sanity trapped inside a raging evil intellect. Gary would rather be shut down that do that again.

He had but seconds; frustration overtook him as he tried to think of some way, ANY WAY he could help the crew. It wasn’t much, but he hatched a plan.

Gary: 'Dudes! I think this Jolly bastard has about done me in, but chin up and all that yer? See the ventilation grill on the far side of the mess? Er… the one just over your barricades? Well it leads straight to Cargo bay A25; woman’s underwear, Morris dancing equipment, bacon, sausages and salt.

Recon that’s you’re best chance of totalling these slimy whatsits. Oh, only thing is I picked up a sort of hitchhiker a few weeks ago. Found him on a drifting science vessel. Anyway, bunged him there for safe keeping. At least… I think I did… It’s all going a bit fuzzy…. 01010102220110102201001111111111111. dddddddddddooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnn’t lllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttt hhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmm-'

Ship-wide Gary’s image faded to a small point and then blinked away into nothingness. And then, an infantaly more disturbing visage appeared…


Sorry about going AWOL guys, I just moved back to the UK and my life’s been a tad upside down. Cpt Drill, when’s Flaming Estaban going to make an appearance? He can be the hitckhiker in the cargo bay if you want 

13-07-2006, 14:47
"Gary??" shouted Endo as another huge snail tried to gnaw his non-existant leg, "it looks like, we're on our own..." Endo looked about the mess, and saw the grill Gary had mentioned, "Bragg! See if you can get that grill off, I'll distract the snails!"

Endo was a realistic sort of guy, he knew he was now made out of light and therefore, technically, immortal, as long as the battery didn't run down. He didn't mind people walking through him, as long as they said a cheery hello [or in the case of some of the crew, a salute]. Endo didn't mind risking his ass to save the crew, well, at least, when his ass was made out of light he didn't mind risking it, and for Endo, that was doing alot. He is, after all, very fond of his ass.

14-07-2006, 00:05
Disassemble gadget, "not sure what it would do but it would have been cool."

Remove bottle of brown sauce. Plug in toaster, set it to char, drop in utensils. Use bacon as a sling stot to send every salt shaker in the mess hall at slugs, all two half full salt shakers. Also sends sausage, expecting it to be very salty, damn salt free dietary sausage, atleast it keeps the hungry buggers busy. Use tongs to grab red hot metal utensils. Damn they were all just plastic sporks, melted. Unplug toaster and dump melted plastic sporks on floor infront of bugs so they will get stuck when trying to cross it. Instead the bugs all get high off the fumes and just stand there taking deep breaths, also attracts more bugs.

Take the skutter, plug it into computer outlet. Fiddle with computer controls, down load what is left of Gary's personality into skutter.

Alco Engineer
14-07-2006, 01:22
"Alright guys! Lets move out. Get to where Gary suggested. Once we get there we need to make a perimeter of Salt around us. The slimy buggers can't get over it. Remember to throw a pinch of salt over your shoulder everytime you spill. We've had enough bad luck without you guys creating any more."

Francis stood an waited as Bragg attemted to remove the grating and Endo danced in front of the ravenous snails while shaking his surprisingly rounded ass. Thinking about his previous thought he guessed a couple of million years in stasis does strange things to the mind.

"So once we get there its breakfast time. Secure the perimeter and then we'll have bacon and eggs and sausages. And maybe a little Escargot to finish off" He said ending in a chuckle.

Goq Gar
14-07-2006, 20:04
Coming back to his senses, he ran in and gave a swift salute to endo in acknowledgement. And got to work getting the grill off. Thanks to several cases of male crew using the vents to spy on female crew, all grills now had diamantine screws added on the corners of every vent, so as to prevent their easy removal without the proper tools. Bragg did not have the proper tools, he had his head. As any crewman would tell you, when Bragg gives you an Irish kiss, you dont soon forget it, although he usually does.

"Ive got an idea guys!" he said as he backed up against the opposite wall. He then lowered his head to the level of the grate and kicked off the wall, pelting at the grill. He closed his eyes and let out a roar as he jumped forwards like a torpedo, head first, into the grate. Needless to say, the impact of a 85 kilo ex-soldier on an aluminium grate was expectable. The entire grate was unhinged from the wall, and pulled into the vent with him around his neck. Sliding to a halt in the vent, his feet dangling out of the wall.
"Its open!" came his muffled voice.

15-07-2006, 19:30
"Hooray!" said Endo as another Snail attempted to leapt at him, and hit the wall, "Now, come on everyone! Let's go!"

Goq Gar
15-07-2006, 20:16
"I've got a few things in the store room that might help us out!" Came the muffled ex-soldier's voice, as he squirmed through the tight vent.

He didn't know what could have happened to his "cargo" over several million years, but it couldnt that bad.

20-07-2006, 17:42
Faint green light filtered down a narrow corridor as The Orb drifted along on the stale air.
Within it's glassy confines, tiny particles of light whipped and whirled spectacularly, in the manner of a minature desert sand-storm. (Or, depending on the perspective, origin, and class distinction of the observer, a flurry of minute crisp packets and torn remnants of newspaper on a dark and stormy council estate night).
As it ambled along in blithe defiance of the Maiver and Sons Lo-Gravity Generator Wholesalers Light Atmospheric Conditions At Down To Earth Prices!, the lights emenating from within began to flicker erratically.
Or seemingly erratically...
The swarm of green pin-points coalesced into a pulsing mass, which then began to grow, warping and distorting out of it's original spherical shape, and into something much larger...

Two short legs lowered to reach the floor.

Two hands emerged, attached to short arms, to hang at rotund sides.

The passage was now occupied by an egg-shaped opaque mass, with humanoid limbs that, to an observer of almost any upbringing, resembled those of a badly-drawn cartoon.
A badly-drawn cartoon egg with arms and legs. And a spray of green scintillae within it's murky black 'chest'.
Two large green eyes appeared in the centre of that chest.
For the first time in several million years, the Orb spoke.
"Smmm- ... Ssmmmeee- ..." it said.
And then: "Wazzock."

21-07-2006, 20:13
Endo continued distracting the snails as the last of the crew disappeared into the vent, before he too crawled down the small metal tube to the cargo hold. The hold was dark, and the AIs had few to no sensors here, until the snails got there, they were safe. A few of the crew had already set about looking for some salt, they hadn't found any yet, but someone had found the lemon sherbert, and unless the snails were diabetic, that wasn't going to help that much.

Goq Gar
21-07-2006, 23:38
Bragg was already half hidden inside a large crate, leaning over the edge, and throwing buckets of foam pellets in all directions. Finally he found what he'd been looking for. He stood up holding a large object in his arms. Realising there were quite a few officers around, he placed it back inside and removed two cases, both about a meter and a half long, and shoved a handful of metal objects into his vest pockets.

"pssst, endo!" he whispered as he shuffled through the vent, "hey! endo! Get over here!" beginning the difficult task as old as time of trying to get someone's attention without alerting others. So he tried waving without waving too much, gesturing without gesturing too much, and realised he might get caught again.

22-07-2006, 05:59
Not fining any salt, but noticing sereval other chemicals, starts making some salt.

"OK sodium chloride coming up. First some sodium," puts several items in a glass jar, pours acid in which eats away everything but the sodium. Then looks for some oil to pour in so that it does not blow up upon contact with moisture in air.

"Now the chlorine." Finds pool supplies. Mixes chemicals together to remove chlorine from the mixture. Looks around for gas masks, hoping to find some. Finds them takes one, tosses one to Bragg hoping he remembers how to use one from his military training. Throws another through Endo, "sorry about that."

Sees slugs dieing from chlorine gas. "I guess we don't need the salt any more."

Alco Engineer
22-07-2006, 06:33
After somehow becoming disorientated climbing through the duct Francis caught up with the rest of the crew.

"Did one of you guys drop your guts? It's making my eyes water!"

"Hey where'd you get those gas masks from?"

"So did you guys find the bacon? I got stuck back there and I found this salt shaker but nothing came out. I thought I was a goner until I twisted it and pepper came out. It caused me to sneeze all over the snail coming straight for my throat and it backed up. Seems thay have a fear of germs too. Funny little creatures. Wonder where they came from?"

Finally noticing that the other crew members aren't noticing him and seem to be concentrating on the vicious snails in front of them Francis decided to step up and stand next to falconer and watch the last of the snails die whilst looking through teary eyes and spluttering, despite attempts to hold it back.

Goq Gar
22-07-2006, 13:24
Suddenly he was catapulted back into his training days and caught the mask in mid air, strapping it on swiftly.

"cheers!" came the muffled voice.

23-07-2006, 16:42
Noticing Bragg's half-wave, Endo walked over to him, wondering what exactly was in those boxes he'd found.

OoC/Ardathair, is there any chance you could write like you would write a story instead of just a series of events with no description?/OoC

Goq Gar
23-07-2006, 17:13
A wave of relief came over him as endo approached. "Listen, Endo, you're one of the few people I trust on this ship, let alone officers. I need your help, now, I've got something in these boxes that can save us all. You know I was in the armed forces, right? Well, when I got an honourable discharge, I took a few "souveneirs" with me." And with that he opened the box enough so that endo could read the words "Standard Armi Issue Bazookoid Mk. 3" On the long cylinder, then shut it quickly.

"Now you know I'm not meant to have these..."

25-07-2006, 01:52
Posted by TheSonOfAbbadon:
OoC/Ardathair, is there any chance you could write like you would write a story instead of just a series of events with no description?/OoC

OOC/ I'm not used to on-line RPGs. I'll work on it. /OOC

Albert hands Francis a gas mask, and says, "Nice toys, Bragg. If the ammo isn't good anymore, I'm sure I can come up with something."

25-07-2006, 11:07
O.O.C: SonOfAbbadon: Cheers for the Warseer Awards RPGer Vote, by the way. :D

26-07-2006, 12:59
OoC/Well, your character is very... "original".../OoC

Military class Bazookoids, much stronger than the standard rock-blasting Bazookoids that the ship carried, with these, Bragg could easily blast through waves of the slimy horrors that even now crawled down the vent towards them. Endo looked around to make sure no one apart from Albert saw the big black weapons each powerful enough to drop a rhino in one shot, and a McDonalds worker in two.

Then a thought struck him, Jolly obviously wanted the ship for himself, seeing as he hadn't detonated the ship's selt-destruct bomb yet. But, if he was trying to kill the crew, then he could easily turn off Endo, seeing as Endo was just a hologram. So either Jolly was playing with him, or...

"I wonder how far the holodeck is from here?..."

Goq Gar
26-07-2006, 13:54
Closing the cases quickly, he said "two levels up I think, never been there myself... I could come with you if you need me - i can handle these slimy buggers now..." he added, patting the long cases beside him. "I'd rather be anywhere but here, too many officers and prying eyes."

26-07-2006, 14:43
"Hmm..." it was a long shot, but it might just work. If Jolly hadn't turned Endo off, then somehow, Gary must have been able to disconnect the holodeck from the main computer. So Gary might still be alive...

Endo looked around, the snails were just coming out of the vent, one or two of the crew had found some bazookoids and were standing ready.
"Let's slip away, Bragg, and bring those bazookoids, Jolly might have locked the doors..."

Goq Gar
26-07-2006, 22:08
"Right" He said gruffly, and he swung the straps of both bazookoids over his shoulders, and edged through the door as it opened. As the door closed, he felt himself alone. No one nearby. Alone.

He was back in his element.

He Dialled in his user code into both bazookoids and pressed the side of his beanie, and a small scope lowered to his eye, and he felt the tell tale Cha-click of the rounds as he loaded them in.

Then he took a cigar from his upper pocket, having been in stasis with him, still perfectly preserved, and lit it. "Im back."

03-08-2006, 21:27
It took a while, what with them having to blast through a door ever time they came to one, but Endo and Bragg finally made it to the Holodeck.
"Right, Bragg, you're going to have to type for me, and be quick, when Jolly sees what we're trying to do, I doubt we'll be alone in here for long."

Goq Gar
15-08-2006, 09:13
"Okay," he replied, "what do I type?" stepping up to the console and looking over the wide keyboard.

[OOC: Been gone for 2 weeks on holiday, back now! 'Lo all!]

16-08-2006, 12:18
"First, you have to login. Username: Ladysman, Password: Youknowyouwantit," Bragg looked at him like he was crazy, "just type it," *clang* went something down the hallway, *clang* it went again, but closer. It sounded like something was coming, another of Jolly's experiments was coming to join them,
"Uh, Endo?"
"Yeah?" Endo looked at the computer screen, "Damned blue screen of death! I knew we shouldn't have gotten Windows 2100! You'll have to restart the computer manually..."


OoC/Is it just me and Goq Gar who are still interested in this? Post damn you!/OoC

Alco Engineer
17-08-2006, 02:23
"OoC/Is it just me and Goq Gar who are still interested in this? Post damn you!/OoC

OOC/ Well when I'm trying and getting ignored I start to lose interest pretty quickly.....

I guess you won't be posting for at least 24hrs anyway by the looks of it?? :p /OOC

After turning around to see Endo and Bragg had dissappeared Francis did as he knew best. He legged it. He followed the sounds the of blasts up the corridor carefully watching weaving his way to avoid the spray of burst steam pipes.

hearing heavy footsteps behind him he turned as he ran right into Endo, knocking them both to the floor.

"Sorry Endo mate. You hear those footsteps coming up the hall like that? Sounds like something big! How you going getting this door open lads?"

Goq Gar
17-08-2006, 18:13
*Start - Restart computer*

"Why on earth did they make these things so difficult!?" he shouted aloud.


"Okay! Done! What now?"

19-08-2006, 01:36
Albert Falconeer looks up as the chlorine gas is clearing and notices that while making some more sodium, that everyone else had left the room. Not knowing where to go he slaps together a machine which will bang and clank, making enough noise for all the mutants to hear and they can chace after it while it moves randomly about the ship.

Hearing a noise from down the hall Albert realizes where the rest of the crew is, "that scream is only made by someone seeing the blue screan of death, thank you windows for showing me where the others are." After taking a few steps down the hall Albert realizes what he just said and concideres washing his mouth out with sodium, but settles for a bar of soap he finds in a container before going to meet up with the few remaining crew.

Goq Gar
19-08-2006, 10:54
*Bragg madly types in the username and password and bashes the enter key*

Okay! Now what?