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Bloodthirster90
14-06-2005, 19:45
This is my fluff I made up about the 5th company of Ultramarines. All character names are from my minis.

On the snow-capped mountain terrain of Deecarn V, the sound of Pulse Rifle fire echoed around the surrounding canyons and frozen waterways. The blue flashes of the Tau weaponry could be seen from the drop pods raining down from the Ultramarines 5th company drop pods. The marines could not see the weapons fire down below, but even if they could, the slaughter that was to happen would not change a bit.

The Imperial Guard were not holding up very well. They had been given orders to protect the tactical frontline base in the northern hemisphere until the Space Marines arrived. Valhallan Captain Carneus stood before his troops. He took every shot carefully, aiming at the head of each Tau trooper that came close enough. But his aim was not so good. He was ageing, and he knew he should be dead by now, but The Emperor had been kind to him. Then he saw them. Three XV-88's and two Hammerheads. So, Carneus made his peace with The Emperor, and prepared for the end.

When the Ultramarines landed, they were astounded at what they found. Smoking Imperial tanks, and the empty shell of the Tactical Base but the thing that made him most disturbed was that there were no bodies. Chaplain Marceline wondered what had happened here. Had the Tau taken the bodies or had they simply vaporized them? Sergeant Vaternus of Assault Squad II was heard in his comm.-link.

*The base has been searched. There’s nothing here either. No Trace that the Imperial Guard have ever been here, save for the tanks*

*Okay Sergeant Vaternus, bring your men back. We’ll-*

*Sir, we found something. It’s the Imperial Guard Captain. He’s alive, but only just. *

*Good. Apothecary Barleus, advance on Squad Vaternus’ position. They have a wounded. *

Hideous Loon
14-06-2005, 22:02
Hmm. I'm strongly against using 'wargame' names for units, unless of course the main characters have been in contact with the Tau and learned that "you know, those big battlesuits with two railguns on their shoulders are called XV-88, so you know that". The story has a, IMO, too small amount of plot. Change that, and the names of the Tau units, and you'll have a pretty decent story on your hands.

On a side note, what happened with all those bodies that would be in a IG Tactical base? The Tau couldn't have simply vapourize them, could they?

Sojourner
15-06-2005, 09:28
Your viewpoint is a bit vague. You start by describing the scene in a personal way but with no indication of who is seeing it. You then move to the feelings of the Captain, which would only really be appropriate if he was the viewpoint, but I'm again not sure.

Either go with an omnipotent viewpoint, preferably all past tense, and on't touch on the character's personal feelings except as an afterthought, or take a specific third person viewpoint and stick with it.

Bloodthirster90
15-06-2005, 19:14
On a side note, what happened with all those bodies that would be in a IG Tactical base? The Tau couldn't have simply vapourize them, could they?

I dont know much about Tau weaponry. Could they?

Part 2 coming soon

Mr.terminatorbob
13-07-2005, 22:36
come on give us the whole story.

Hideous Loon
14-07-2005, 18:16
Bloodthirster: Think slightly-upgraded Imperial weaponry, and you have Tau. So, no, they couldn't do that.

Bloodthirster90
08-10-2005, 22:17
Ok, a revised part one and part 2.
On the snow-capped mountain terrain of Deecarn V, the sound of Pulse Rifle fire echoed around the surrounding canyons and frozen waterways. The blue flashes of the Tau weaponry could be seen from the height of the drop pods raining down from the Ultramarines 5th company strike cruiser. The marines could not see the weapons fire down below, but even if they could, they would know nothing of the slaughter that was to come.
The Imperial Guard were not holding up very well. They had been given orders to protect the tactical frontline base in the northern hemisphere until the Space Marines arrived. Valhallan Captain Carneus stood before his troops. He took every shot carefully, aiming at the head of each Tau trooper that came close enough. But his aim was not so good. He was ageing, and he knew he should be dead by now, but The Emperor had been kind to him. Then he saw them. Three towering Battlesuits and two Hammerheads. Carneus made his peace with The Emperor, and prepared for the inevitable end.
When the Ultramarines landed, they were astounded at what they found. Smoking Imperial tanks and the empty shell of the Tactical Base but the thing that most disturbed him was that there were no bodies. Chaplain Marceline wondered what had happened here. Had the Tau taken the bodies or had they simply vaporized them? Sergeant Vaternus of Assault Squad Vaternus spoke to him through his comm-link.

*The base has been searched. There’s nothing here either. No Trace that the Imperial Guard have ever been here, save for their tanks*
*Okay Sergeant Vaternus, bring your men back. We’ll-*
*Sir, we found something… It’s the Imperial Guard Captain. He’s alive, but only just. *
*Good. Apothecary Barleus, advance on Squad Vaternus’ position. They have a survivor. *

Part 2

When the Barleus reached the captain, he contacted Marceline and told him that he was not sure if he could save the captain.
*Just try to keep him alive long enough to find out what in the name of the emperor happened here. *
*Affirmative. *
When Marceline arrived, the Captain, he was informed that he could be saved, but they needed to get him back to the Strike Cruiser, the Mechanicus Extractus.
“Do whatever you need to save his life.” Marceline said and offered a prayer to the Emperor that they could save the Captain. In the meantime, he decided he should try to find out where the Tau went. Surely they had some sort of field-base nearby. He started walking.
*Scout Squad Remus, I need you to do some recon,* he said into his comm*Find the vile xenos and report ba-… wait.*
He stopped as he rounded a corner. He could not believe his eyes and prayed to the Emperor he was imaging it.
*Belay that order. I think I’ve found the Tau…*
*What do you mean sir?* the sergeant replied.
*I have found the Tau. They also are dead…*
Back on the Mechanicus Extractus, Marceline was on a private comm frequency with Chief Librarian Tigirius.
“I have no knowledge as yet of what occurred on the planet but I have my apothecaries working to save the only survivor of the massacre. He may hold some information on what did happen.”
“You have done well to contact me, Brother Chaplain. I find this disturbing. This is too complex for the small mind of an Ork to devise and yet too brutal for the Eldar. I shall meditate on this and contact you soon. I thank you Brother Chaplain. End Comm.” And with that, Tigirius’ face disappeared from the view screen. For several minutes, the Chaplain thought about the matter when he was interrupted. An apothecary entered the room.
“What news have you?” asked Marceline.
“The captain is saved. It was not easy and he will not be conscious for many hours, but he is alive at least.”
“Well done. I congratulate you and you’re Brothers. Send them my thanks and notify me one hour after the captain awakes from his slumber. He needs to regain his thoughts,” And, without meaning to, also said “as do I.”
“Sir?” the apothecary questioned.
“Nothing. Leave me now Brother Apothecary.” The apothecary left as requested. He cleaned his Bolt Pistol and all the parts and prayed to its spirit. Then he rested. He would need the rest for anything that may come. and come it would...

Bloodthirster90
18-10-2005, 19:42
Part 3
2000 hours. Strike cruiser Mechanicus Extractus
*Chaplain Marceline, the captain is ready for you on the surface.*
*Acknowledged Brother. ETA is 5 minutes.*
*Yes sir.*

Tactical frontline base
The Chaplain arrived exactly on time, as always. He journeyed towards the apothecaries and the now conscious Captain. This was most strange indeed. Where had the guardsmen gone? Why? How? Still puzzled, he stopped thinking about the mystery, hoping the captain would have some answers. As Marceline moved, he took in the scenery around him. There were bloodstains, both red and blue, on the snowy ground and scorch marks where grenades had exploded short of their target and weaponry had missed.
“Captain Carneus, I am Chaplain Marceline of the Ultramarines fifth company. I see you have recovered. You are a man who is a true captain. What do you know of the attack?”
Carneus could see that the chaplain wanted to get down to business quickly.
“We were fighting as hard as we could. Three of our five Leman Russes had been destroyed. That’s when the Tau brought out their heavy weapons. Some crisis suits and hammerheads showed up and destroyed our last two tanks and many guardsmen died. Then, they blew up, destroyed for what we thought was no reason. We thought you and your marines had arrived.” He paused, grimaced and then went on. “It was horrible. They killed the Tau and then started to kill my men. Then, they just stopped, like they had been shut down or something. Some of my men ran, but they too stopped dead in their tracks. Sir, it was the…Thousand Sons, they were the ones attacking us. They had a sorcerer. He changed my men; turned them against me…they were the ones who took me down. They burned the Tau bodies and then, they all left to the north. The snow fell…so much that now you can’t see their tracks.” He finished and fell unconscious again.
“The Thousand Sons,” Marceline said, “Emperor help us…”

Bloodthirster90
28-10-2005, 18:48
Part 4! enjoy and i would appreciate all C&C whether it is good or bad.

Surface of Deecarn V, ruins of the Base 0430 hours.
Marceline’s voice came over the comm link to scout sergeant Veda.
*I want you and your brothers to set up a patrol around the base. Alert me if anything of importance happens.*
*Yes sir.*
*I want this base secured immediately. We don’t know when the Thousand Sons will turn up again.*
Marceline looked around. Tau blood spattered the entrance to the ice-encrusted canyon and half blown-out tanks, both imperial guard and Tau littered the battlefield. There were also large read stains on the snow around the ruins of the base. They had left the Tau’s bodies but taken the imperial guard ones…this was getting stranger by the minute.
*Sir, incoming comm from Chief Librarian Rufus.*
*Ok brother, send me down a thunderhawk transport to take my command squad and me back into orbit.*
*Yes sir.*
The thunderhawk arrived blowing up snow as it landed. The large cannon on the top was scarred from a thousand battles and the heavy bolters on each side of the cockpit and on the wing tips were slowly surveying the area for any enemy activity. The rear engine and the two mounted on the wings roared with the ferocity of a lion as the wings above slowly folded down into the landing position. The ramp under the cockpit was lowered and a rhino APC rolled out. This machine was the basic chassis for most of the space marine vehicles, including the formidable predator variants. Its four exhausts let out a puff of smoke as it made its way to the chaplain and his command squad. Once they had been picked up, the rhino re-entered the thunderhawk, the ramp closed, and it took off into orbit.
“Ok scouts, move out.” Sergeant Veda commanded his men to strategic places and created a patrol around the base. This was grunt work, worthy only of the imperial guard, but they were dead as far as Veda knew.

0600 hours
Brother Tiberon of scout squad Veda saw them first. He didn’t believe it for a few seconds. How had they come back? Then, he sent a comm to sergeant Veda.
*Sir,* he said a little nervously, *I think we’ve got something to tell the chaplain about.*
*Well, spit it out then Tiberon. What is so important?* replied the sergeant.
*Look to the west and see for yourself sir.* the sergeant did so and he too was amazed.
*By the emperor, the Imperial Guard...Wait, they look…different.* Veda switched frequencies to tell the chaplain.

Hideous Loon
30-10-2005, 08:14
Nice one, and including the Thousand Sons gives a good explanation to how an entire tactical base of Gimperial Fart (sorry...) could just disappear. Keep us updated!

Bloodthirster90
30-10-2005, 11:08
a-thank you! I have to finish the main outline of it by tonight!

mirakel_jocke
30-10-2005, 11:45
Oh, nice story so far 'you that thirst for blood'.

The story and writing just gets better and better...

Now lets make some more eyecandy, please!

/Mirakel_Jocke

Bloodthirster90
30-10-2005, 14:43
as you wish.
ok, part five (i think)

On the strike cruiser, Marceline was still talking to Librarian Rufus.
“You must be wary young chaplain, for the captain too may have fallen under the spell of the chaos gods. Tread carefully.” The librarian finished talking.
“Yes Chief Librarian, I shall. Courage and honour Rufus.”
“Aye, you will need both if you are to prevail. End comm.” Some hours later, another voice came through on the comm. It was sergeant Veda.
“Yes sergeant? What news do you have?”
*It’s the imperial guard sir; we don’t know what happened to them. They’ve changed…not physically, but they started attacking us…they may have been tainted by chaos. We need support now. There are more coming…emperor help us, they’re here…the others of my squad are dead and I can’t hold out much longer. Send the back-up now sir!* the transmission then descended into static and Marceline turned it off. He offered a prayer to the emperor and then created a new transmission to Rufus.
“You disturb me again so soon. Why Brother Chaplain?” came Rufus’ voice through the speaker again.
“Sir,” Marceline said, still calm, “They have begun their attack.”
“Acknowledged, you are authorised to use all necessary force to cleanse this planet of the heretics. We can not afford to lose Deecarn V Chaplain. I shall inform our chapter master of this. Spare none of the heretics. End comm.” Marceline paused, switched off the viewing screen and then made another new transmission, this time to the whole Ultramarines 5th company fleet.
*Brothers, prepare for battle. Techmarines, ready our vehicles. We make war at 0700 hours.*

0700 hours
The drop pods hurtled through the atmosphere with Thunderhawks carrying their vehicles in close pursuit. It took three minutes to get down to the planet and the battle started as soon as the first squad stepped out of their drop pod. It was Squad Titus that fired the first shot towards the rubric marines of the thousand sons and easily took the first casualty of the battle. The bolt impacted on the ceramite plates used in power armour and it crumpled into a pile, for it, like all thousand sons marines, did not have human form. Their attack force was nearly 100 strong, not including the imperial guard who had around 100 men themselves. They would definitely need support.
*Strike cruiser,* Marceline said into his comm-link *put out a call for backup from any force of Space Marines with more than fifty battle brothers at the ready.*
*Affirmative, sending call now.*
The chaplain propped his plasma pistol, took the safety catch off and started to fire into the wave of traitors. He dropped three guardsmen with one shot and another two with the next. He saw the strategy the thousand sons were using. They were making the flak armour-wearing guardsmen as a living shield. He spat on the ground at the thought of it, donned his helmet and kept firing, this time only hitting the traitorous marines. Their shield was depleting quickly, as one bolt round would go through at least three guardsmen at a time and the marines of the 5th company were thinking that it was going to be a short battle. Little did they know, the worst was yet to come. Finally, the powers of Tzeentch got close enough to be hit by the combat knives, power fists, chainswords and other hand to hand combat weapons, including the Chaplain’s Crozius Arcanum, which as well as being a weapon, was a badge of office to tell anyone who looked that he was a chaplain. His helmet was the face of the near-dead emperor and his black power armour shrugged off most hits from the enemy bolter fire.
*Sir,* came the voice of the strike cruiser’s helmsman, *the marines of the sixth company have responded to our call. They will arrive in two hours.*
*Acknowledged helmsman, we should be able to hold them for that long. Give the captain my thanks. Out.* as soon as the transmission had finished, another one came in. it was from terminator assault squad Oppius.
*Sir, the enemy have summoned daemons. Shall we engage?*
*Yes, engage with full force. Take down those daemons.*
The battle was raging and many of the company’s battle brothers had fallen. Dreadnought Tiberus had fallen from an onslaught of daemonic Furies, but not without slaying three of the beasts and sending them back to the Warp. Dreadnought Ferus was in a struggle with a defiler, a four legged variant of a dreadnought, but that had no resemblance to one. Then Marceline turned back to the battle, and was faced with three Flamers surrounding him. The creatures swayed hypnotically but the chaplain ignored it and cleared his mind. Then, in one swift movement shot one of them with his plasma pistol, sliced up the middle of another with his Crozius and slashed at the midriff of the third. All of the beasts fell and disappeared back to the Warp. The Lascannon fire from the Predator tanks collided with the opposite versions of them while their heavy bolters and auto cannons ripped through daemons and Rubric marines alike. Suddenly, an almighty screech was heard that echoed through the mountains. The Ultramarines prayed as they fought that it would not be what they thought it was, but their fears were confirmed when it came soaring over the ruins of the base and landed in the middle of the battlefield. Marceline could not believe it. It was Ahriman, and he had summoned the Lord of Change.

As ever, C&C are welcome.

Edit: Damn I'm good!
Edit 2: w00t 200 posts!

Hideous Loon
30-10-2005, 20:06
Was Ahriman there? Are we still referring to that Dark Librarian of the Thousand Sons with a six-horned helmet and a big, blingy staff? What was he doing there? I mean, having the Thousand Sons there is all fine and well, since they're not used (it must be 'cause the ordinary warriors are just mindless automatons, or something), but their leader is a bit too...well, much. Ahriman must have a really BIG reason for invading, like a secret tome of lore, to be personally involved.

And bloodthirster, a Crozius doesn't slice. It's a frickin' stick, with a brass Imperial Eagle on top, how's it gonna slice anything?

Bloodthirster90
31-10-2005, 18:47
meh...it's only my teacher that's going to be trying to make sense of it...emphasis on trying.

Hideous Loon
31-10-2005, 21:41
Oh. I guess your teacher doesn't play Warhammer 40.000, does he?

Bloodthirster90
01-11-2005, 16:40
no. SHE has no idea what any of it means

oh, and I imagine that a crozius could slice, being that it uses power axe rules, but that's just me and like I said, the teach has no idea about this kind of thing.

Hideous Loon
01-11-2005, 22:33
But a powerweapon does not have to have an edge, it can be for clobbering with. The Black Templar concept art describes this at length.

Bloodthirster90
02-11-2005, 18:57
fair enough. I imagine a crozius to have a cetain sharp edge to it, and that's my opinion. everyone has their own opinions and this just happens to be mine.

Hideous Loon
02-11-2005, 20:57
Oh, I give up. Posting to deaf ears does nothing except increasing your postcount, which can be done more constructively than that.

Oh, and: GIVE US MORE STORY! I'm going insane from having to wait.

Bloodthirster90
03-11-2005, 16:57
OK, give me a chance, it isn't as easy as you think. I still need a reason for why the TS and the Tau were there...