View Full Version : Short story...Really short.

18-07-2006, 17:10

The aetheric horror stood before me, thrice in height. It formed twisting features, abhorrent visages and ghastly facades. The being undulated with a foul gait, mindless lunacy haloed its form as it flickered in and out of reality. It howled a cacophony of torment, each mouth screeching its own litany of madness.
Such unparalleled corruption of reason was never meant to be. It was a complete defilement of cause. Its very presence was a lecherous sore, festering, infecting reality. It took infinite forms, molded by a miasma of psychosis. Thick viscous pus wept from open abscises and curdled as it met the ground, forming smaller avatars of the horror. One instant I would be looked upon by tainted bulbous eyes that would burst forth disgorging a torrent of maggots and filth, the next moment I would be seen through giant multifaceted ocular orbits. The form never staying constant for a moment. It lunged forwards towards me with a sea of clasping maws adorned with chattering teeth. Its tendrils coiled around my body, rending flesh from bone. I did not move, although my body was dying, my mind was already dead.

18-07-2006, 18:36
I think it's great, although, I do get the slight feeling it's suffered from a thesaurus, I mean, varied vocabularly is good, but going for long words the whole time makes it a bit harder to read IMHO.

Very good anyway, that's my only concern, the rest is superb, how every detail is covered so acutely, and the ending is quite chilling too :).


18-07-2006, 19:05
No thesaurus used! For once....
Nonetheless thank you grandly for the feedback.

Flame of Udun
18-07-2006, 23:26
Hey X! Cool stuff man and I have to say I really like the descriptiveness of the piece althoug it may be a touch on the overloaded side but none the less it is a very visual piece of writing! Have you got any more to show us?

19-07-2006, 13:10
Not yet sadly probably get more out later on. Thanks for the feedback FoU!

30-07-2006, 11:34
I like it a lot, i would be interested to see if you could keep up this style for a longer story. I would suggest that if you did, you might find it harder to keep using long words as TG pointed out.

Hulls Raven
30-07-2006, 15:16
Too short for my liking

30-07-2006, 15:17
It's very overloaded but it kinda becomes the defining feature of the text, so it's not neccesarily a bad thing. I like it.

05-08-2006, 07:56