P * R * I * M * A * R * C * H * S * 2
THE PLOT HOLE STRIKES BACK
Introduction By The Author
Hi and welcome to what could technically be called the 'sequel' to PRIMARCHS, the accidental-long-running-script-comedy-series featuring everyone's favourite Mary Sues (or should that be Marty Stu's?). What originally started out as something I wrote while quite bored as a humourous answer to the often asked question over on the Background forums, 'What Happened To The Primarchs?', quickly, and rather strangely, spawned into a two thousand page plus thread with a rather scary fanbase (joking of course - please don't kill me!). Of course such an epic tale could only go so long before the sheer number of posts begin to collapse under their own virtual weight and implode creating an Internet black hole or something, hence this thread. the original PRIMARCHS has come to an end; now sees the rise of its sequel (for better or for worse)!
The Story So Far
Good Gods in the Warp ... where to begin?
SUMMER CAMPAIGN ARC
The first arc of PRIMARCHS (after they finally leave that pub we discover them in, wasting their lives away) sees everyone reunited with each other (including the dead ones, which remains unexplained to this day) under the Plot Hook of a summer campaign arc. Games Workshop, seeking to move the story onwards (you can tell this story lies within the realms of fiction right there), have created a campaign that sees the C'tan seeking to conquer the galaxy with their Necron hordes. The C'tan of course, being the genre-savvy lot they are, have their own plans. Seeking the mythical Laptop of Alan Merrett they aim to re-write the universe with themselves as it's overlords. The Primarchs learn of this and through convoluted plot means discover the only way to halt this diabolical plot is to collect the lost Keys of Karl (the eleventh Primarch), pass through the Gates of Varl and seek the help of the Fish of Time to travel back to the rise of the Necrontyr and stop the C'tan before they create their unliving robotic armies. Naturally this plan works, the C'tan lose, and the Primarchs win, and if you've read this far without nerd raging heavily I salute you.
THE PLOT HOLE ARC
The largest story arc so far is also the most heavily convoluted mess of a story (seriously; I'm still trying to figure out what happens). Probably apt, considering it deals with the Plot Hole; a malevolent entity spawned from the realms of badly-written fiction to feast on plot holes and wall bangers. Having already devoured the Warcraft universe (thanks to World of Warcraft's raping of the lore) the Plot Hole sets it's sights on the world of Warhammer 40,000. The Primarchs learn that the only way to defeat the Plot Hole is to gather the Key Aspects of Narrative and combine them with the Tome of Tropes to write a plot hole-proof narrative for their universe and defeat the Plot Hole. Why they couldn't use Alan Merrett's laptop from the last arc is never explained. Or perhaps it was ... I'm not sure.
DAWN OF WAR ARC
After the Plot Hole arc collapses into a massive ret-con which sees the last eighty chapters literally written out of the continuity (by my own characters no less! The cheek!) the Dawn of War arc begins. A worker's union has begun to gather steam across the Imperium, and the down-trodden populace is rising up against the tyrannical rule of the Emperor of Mankind. Led seemingly by Aerith Gainsborough, that happy-go-lucky flower seller from Final Fantasy VII (don't ask; long story), the Union seeks to topple the Adeptus Terra and install their own leadership. Naturally this turns out to be all a ruse created by the Blood Ravens, who in turn are thralls to the Plot Hole seeking revenge for the last arc. The story ends with the Primarchs scattered to the corners of established fiction by the Plot Hole, leaving the universe of Warhammer 40,000 vulnerable without its greatest heroes.
Where have the Primarchs gone? How will they get back? Will Eldrad ever be less of a dick? These questions, and more (unfortunately), will be answered in the following chapters ...
Cast of Characters(To be created at a later date (i.e. when I can be bothered))