Mini Movie Reviews 2 - The Reviewening

[Avian]

It's been a "his and hers" week at the movies.

The Dark Kernigget Rises (2012)
It's all right apart from being too long, having a too daft plot and an insufficiently threatening bad guy. It would probably have been better as a non-threequel (for one thing you could have dropped the JGL character entirely). Not one of the better Batman movies I've seen, but all right. I don't think history will be kind to it, though.

Verdict: Watchable
(three out of five)


Magic Mike (2012)
Starring mostly people I've never seen before and Matthew McConaughey. Directed by Steven Soderbergh (yay!).
It's a movie about the troubles of the working class - employment, drugs, etc. Also taking your clothes off for money. I thought it would be a male version of Striptease (a terrible movie with Demi Moore), so I was somewhat pleasantly surprised at least. It's fairly funny and fairly competently acted. I was slightly surprised to be the only guy in the audience - presumably the other chicks there had less devoted husbands / boyfriends.

Verdict: Watchable
(three out of five)

[Kordos]

I don't think history will be kind to it, though.

I agree, once all the 'In Nolan we trust' BS dies off (as it seems to be already) opinion will drop.

[Private_SeeD]

all this talk about RDK just saw this

The ultimate batman den

[Scammel]

People have done stranger things - an awesome home-cinema system with a theme isn't the worst thing you could waste loads of money on. I just hope the guy wasn't intending to have it coincide with DKR so he could enjoy what he was expecting to be the most awesome movie of the decade...

[DarthSte]

Magic Mike (2012)
Starring mostly people I've never seen before and Matthew McConaughey. Directed by Steven Soderbergh (yay!).
It's a movie about the troubles of the working class - employment, drugs, etc. Also taking your clothes off for money. I thought it would be a male version of Striptease (a terrible movie with Demi Moore), so I was somewhat pleasantly surprised at least. It's fairly funny and fairly competently acted. I was slightly surprised to be the only guy in the audience - presumably the other chicks there had less devoted husbands / boyfriends.

Verdict: Watchable
(three out of five)

I assumed it was an American version of The Full Monty?

[sigur]

From what I heard it's much more grounded in the milieu, fairly dark and completely marketed to wimminz. Although sightings of female anatomy have been reported as well.

Just trying to think of the film I saw last night but I can't quite remember. Anyhow, I've seen Fritz the Cat (1972) a week ago or so. You probably heard of that one before so I'll just say that I enjoyed it. Of course the animation looks really dated nowadays but it does have a character to it and it's not all sex and drugs. There is a certain (limited) growth to Fritz as a character over the course of the film. Of course this is nothing for kids but I'd say Watch It if only for its popcultural status.

I remembered what I watched last night.

Chain of Command (1994)

Michael Dudikoff is an ex-CIA person who works for an oil company who are about to make a contract with a made up country for their oil. Oil company turns out evil, Dudikoff and an attractive female Mossad agent team up to shoot people. Something like that.

I was surprised to see that this one was made in 1994 because it looks no younger than 1989/90. The hair of the main characters probably was the best thing. Dudikoff's sporting his usualy late-1980s/early 1990s Dudikoff hair but it looked quite a lot bigger and more glorious than usual. Unfortunately I couldn't find any pictures of the bad guy in this but he clearly is the high parts of the film. Overacting without limitations, grinding his teeth, cackling, staring. He seemed a bit like Bennett's (from Commando of course) younger brother, just letting out whatever his older brother kept in with this chainmail shirt and this huge belt of his. I'm not sure but I think the guy wore a HUGE lady's wig for all of the film. The hair looked a bit fake-y I think and nobody would wear hair like that for real. On the other hand I looked the guy up on IMDB and he always seemed to take pride in his hair. So, going with the hair (it's wild. it really is), there is a certain homoerotic thing going on with the bad guy. However, in true 80s fashion, this doesn't stop him from strapping the female lead to a pool table at one point and doing the "implied rape" thing first, then proceeding to groping her stomach in a really nervous fashion. Right before doing that though he lights himself a huge cigar he keeps on playing with whilst all of that is going on so it's all very confusing.

There are some attempts at humour - because it's 1994 you see - but it fails given that the whole film looks like a genre parody (it's not unlikely that it is. It's got a similar vibe but just can't keep up to stuff like the amazing Bridge of Dragons). The shooting in this one is hilarious too. It's very much like in the A-Team but with people falling over afterwards.

I've never been much of a Dudikoff fan I have to say. He always seemed kind of bland and without any edges. He's fun in the American Ninja films of course (the ones he's in) but that's mostly because the movies are so silly. He's always the straight man who's rather good with the ladies if required. He sneaks into buildings, he can free himself if he's taken prisoner, he kills the bad guys. He does all that with competence but without much charisma or a distinct style. Come to think of it, he always played soldiers or "ninjas". Roles with very clear and determined targets in situations that allow for/require very little doubt or reflection. Somehow I can't see him as something like a "cop on the edge of crossing the line".

Out of all the action heroes of his era, he's probably the one you'd like the most to be neighbors with. If something on the car needs fixing he comes right over and fixes it. In return you invite him over for dinner. Each spring Mrs.soandso brings him two big glasses of jam because she made too much again anyways and Mr.Dudikoff is genuinely surprised and happy about that. He still got the old Viper in the garage but prefers to drive his Ford hybrid to the supermarket and back, maybe he takes the bus if the weather is good enough.

As an action movie hero though, he always was kind of a wet blanket. Would have been nice to see him in the Expendables maybe, maybe as the bad guy's henchman#2 along with Don "the Dragon" Wilson (that's his name, right?) instead of Goldberg. Steven Segal snaps limbs and looks funny, Schwarzenegger is Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude van Damme does splits, talks funny and doesn't use guns, Dolph Lundgren looks like a Space Marine and destroys whatever he hits. I'm having a hard time finding a descriptive character trait for Dudikoff. To me, he's the most "all american" of the bunch but that's it. He doesn't lack charisma completely. When you see him in a film you know that he's the good guy but there hardly are memorable things about his films.

Anyway, I found Chain of Command very entertaining. Watch It if you're into that kind of stuff and when it shows up on TV at night.

[Easy E]

Michael Dudikoff is

You had me at Michael Dudikoff. Nice breakdown of this "Man of Action".

Since we are talking about people we would want ot see in the Expendables franchise. I would also love to see Al Jeong as... some random asian thug/thug boss.

http://p.twimg.com/AtdRSBUCQAAG5ep.jpg:large

[sigur]

You a Dudikoff Dude then?

Oh yes, would be great fun to see this guy turn up again. But I guess he'd be around sixty, seventy now? :S

[Arnizipal]

Oh yes, would be great fun to see this guy turn up again. But I guess he'd be around sixty, seventy now? :S

It worked fine for Danny Trejo in Machete

[ColShaw]

It worked fine for Danny Trejo in Machete

Machete don't age.

[sigur]

I shudder at the thought that Danny Trejo was born looking like that. :S

[Avian]

From what I heard it's much more grounded in the milieu, fairly dark and completely marketed to wimminz. Although sightings of female anatomy have been reported as well.

It has titties on a couple of occasions, yes. Including the first scene, which put me in a good mood from the start.

And it's not much like The Full Monty, no. That movie was a comedy about doing that one show, while this is more of a drama where the stripping is what the people do.



I haven't actually seen any Dudikoff movies.

[sigur]

...
I haven't actually seen any Dudikoff movies.

You have not seen any of the American Ninja/Fighter films? Maybe you would if you wouldn't go watch guy stripper films all the time.

[Grubnar]

You have not seen any of the American Ninja/Fighter films? Maybe you would if you wouldn't go watch guy stripper films all the time.

Actually, I think that that "American Ninja" movies were called "American Warrior" in the US. Personally I think the fisrt and second are quite fun to watch if you accept them as what they are, typical 80's action movies. Dudikoff is 58 years old now ... It would have been nice to see him in The Expendables 2, but he has retired since 2002.

And Easy E is so damn right, Al Jeong really should be in The Expendables 2. That guy is a legend!

[Avian]

You have not seen any of the American Ninja/Fighter films? Maybe you would if you wouldn't go watch guy stripper films all the time.

There's a lot of '80s B-movies I haven't seen. I haven't even seen the original Total Recall - and given the reviews, I doubt I will see the remake either.

Speaking of which: http://www.movies.com/movie-news/new...ranchises/9037


And there is always: http://www.movies.com/movie-news/new...er-movies/8501


And all you people saying Chuck Norris is cool - you're being ironic, right?
(I haven't actually seen any of his movies, but I've seen a couple of episodes of 'Walker, Texas Ranger' and they were pretty lame.)

[sigur]

@Grubnar: Weird thing is that I think that when the films were released in Germany they went under the title of "American Fighter". Didn't know about the American Warrior thing though. I guess there must have been a temporal sweet spot in the 1980s in which everything was "ninja". Nowadays all that's left is "ninjapiraterobotstarwarslol". :S Also: Heck, Dudikoff is that old? Okay, well done then, Mr.D, have a happy retirement.

@Avian: Watch the original Total Recall! It's fun and action-y and all of that. Has very nice sets and make-up effects as well. About the remake I agree with you: I probably won't watch it either. It's said to be very unnecessary altogether. Those lists you linked to made my brain rotate. I can hardly think of one great stripper movie and I'm pretty sure that Striptease isn't one of them. I'm pretty sure that I've seen sexier robots than Demi Moore too.

Ad Chuck Norris: Yeah, he's pretty lame and only became lamer as of recent. I watched one or two of the Missing in Action films and those were boring, Walker:Texas Ranger is pretty unbearable (if given the choice I think I'd rather watch an repisode of Renegade even). One film of his I remember liking: Firewalker. Oddly enough it's a comedy but basically lived off the very good German dubbing/translation/script. I liked Sidekicks as well. As a sole protagonist or character Norris just isn't entertaining. Overall though - not a fan of Chuck Norris. He definately knows his martial arts but that's not enough.

[Easy E]

In the US it was called American Ninja, and I believe Mr. Dudikoff is only in 1 and 2. However, going from shady memory he may have had a cameo in 3 or 4. I stopped watching after 1 and 2, and really don't recall.

Happy retirement Mr. Dudikoff. I heard his co-star in the first two American Ninja (The name escapes me at the moment) had passed away.

On Total Recfall- Has one of my favorite Arnold lines of all time. One that makes me laugh liek a hyena when I hear it, and it is such and unremarkable line.

On Norris- His best work was his fight with Bruce Lee. I can't recall the name of that one either. Stupid memory!

[sigur]

Oh right, so it was ninja after all. It's this weird thing that in German versions of things, titles hat the word "ninja" replaced with other words for some reason. Hence the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles we had here.

Steve James, who played Dudikoff's friend in the film passed away in 1993 already? Shame. He was one of the most fun parts of the film. Those two worked really well together. (At least his IMDB picture is AMAZING ).Was it the first film which the US Marines were all hawaii shirt wearing surfer dudes and the commander of the military base had this glorious moustache?

On the total recall line: "Seeya at the party, Richter?" :P

[Avian]

It's this weird thing that in German versions of things, titles hat the word "ninja" replaced with other words for some reason. Hence the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles we had here.

Sure you're not talking about the cartoon?

[sigur]

According to Wikipedia the original title of the cartoon was "t.m. ninja turtles" and it got changed to "hero" all across Europe for "ninja" having too much of a violent connotation and they changed the names on all merchandise as well but kept the ninja for the feature films or something?