First of all I should tell you that there are no pictures (not that you'd want to see rows of unpainted plastic and towels taped to the desk - I mean our area terrain...). Just use you're imagination.
Secondly, I should tell you that this report is probably highly inaccurate as no-one kept score. But really, don't worry about it - the end result will be the same.
Finally, We probably got some rules wrong. Again don't worry about it - it was a fun game.
Now to set the scene...
The wind whispered among the sand, throwing up dancing clouds of dust. The sun's harsh glare pummelled the desert, draining the land's water, draining the land's life. No one lived here, except for bands of scavenging Orks and traitors, exiled to die.
There had been strange signal reports coming from the desert. No one knew for sure what it was, but it had been important enough for the Governor-Militant himself to dispatch a unit of his own bodyguard to find out. All contact with them was lost three days ago. The Governor would need a little help...
Meanwhile, in the Ork camp, Warboss Gorstuf was angry. "Oy, ya stupid Git, 'ave ya fixed up dat Squig Cooka yet?"
"No boss, but it's fried all da grots!" replied Big Mek Grotskragga earnestly. He had been on the receiving end of the Boss's anger more than once.
"And dose sneaky 'umie boyz!" chimed in a nearby Ork. He was immediately silenced by a well-aimed punch.
"Who asked you?" roared Gorstuf at the crumpled body on the floor. "Do you want me ta feed ya to da Squigs?"
Grotskragga had returned to the small metal box, in the hope that he could fix it before the boss moved onto him - Gorstuf was starting to lose interest in the unconscious Ork. In frustration, the Mek did all he could and hit it. Hard. A huge beam of pure energy erupted from the front of the device, bending reality around it.
"'Ow am I gonna cook ma dinner in dat?" screamed Gorstuf, full of bubbling rage. He raised his huge power klaw, ready to pump 50 kilos of pure muscle and iron into Grotskragga's head.
"Wait Boss! Ma signal gubbins say dat some of dem Space 'Umies is 'ere! I'ze gotta stay 'ere doe an stop dis ting from explodin'." The Mek began tinkering at the rapidly overheating device.
The boss was momentarily puzzled: what were they doing in here? Then the boss did what he always did when he didn't understand something. "Beakies? Let's Skrag 'em! Better bring dat Weirdy Boy too."
Captain Marcus was a proud man. He had fought in hundreds of battles, and had personally slain the High Ork Chieftain Skargrog, thus ending the threat of a full-blown Ork Waaagh! in this system. The Orks had dispersed in all directions - a nuisance, but not a threat.
Marcus wasn't here to hunt Orks. He was here to find a Holy Titan weapon, and reactivate it with the help of Librarian Sciro. The signals were inconclusive, but a battle had been fought in this dead, dry sea long ago, back in the Horus Heresy, adding credence to the reports. In fact, the battle had created the desert, as the ground was scorched with earth-shattering weapons.
The captain surveyed his brother Astartes in the Rhino, and he knew he would get his prize.
Or so he thought.
A tendril of broiling warp energy lanced through the tracks of the transport, twisting metal and reality. Marcus was only caught off-guard for a single second. "Out men. We have some xenos to crush."
Mission is annihilation. 750 points each.
Warboss "Gorstuf" - 115
- Power Klaw
- Attack squig
- Kombi shoota/skorcha
- 'Eavy armour
- Cybork body
Weirdboy "Weirdy Boy" - 85
20 Ork Slugga Boyz - 160
- One boy is a Nob
- Power Klaw
20 Ork Slugga Boyz - 160
- One Boy is a Nob
- Power Klaw
12 'Ard Slugga Boyz - 160
- Big shoota
- One 'Ard Boy is a Nob
- Power Klaw
Trukk - 60
- Armour plates
- Boarding Plank
- Wreckin' ball
Space Marine Captain "Marcus" - 115
- Power sword
Librarian "Sciro" 100
5X Terminator Squad - 200
Dreadnought - 105
5X Tactical Squad - 90
- Missile launcher (oops - technically not allowed)
5X Scout Squad - 135
- Missile launcher
- Sergeant Telion
There is a low, central towe- I mean hill, a small feline statue on the Ork table side and a wrecked rhino on the Space Marine side (see, I even managed to incorporate the terrain into the story!). There are two fire-lanes on either side of the hill, and going up it counts as going through difficult terrain.
The Orks put Warboss Gorstuf in one of the 20 boy slugga squads, and the Weirdboy in the other. The trukk hides behind the statue to get an obscured save. Gorstuf's squad is on the right of the trukk in open ground, the Weirdboy's squad is on the left, not visible to the Space Marines because of the hill.
The Space Marines put Captain Marcus with the Tactical Squad and Librarian Sciro with the Scouts. The Tacticals and Dreadnought set up opposite the Boss's Orks and the Scouts set up near the wrecked Rhino, on the right flank. Terminators are put in reserve.
Space Marines go first, with the dim-witted Orks a slow second as they roll a 1 in an attempt steal the initiative.
Turn 1 - Space Marines
The Tacticals hold position and fire a rocket into the densely packed hoard of Orks across the board, raining shrapnel down and slaughtering a mighty 8 in a spray of blood and gore. The Dreadnought moves forward to bring it's fearsome multi-melta on to the truck. However, the Trukk driver's cunning plan of actually using cover (unlike the Boss) seems to pays off, as although the shot hits home, a 1 is rolled for damage. However, open-topped and AP 1 upgrade this to a weapon destroyed result, and the gunner is cooked alive. OK, it didn't pay off for him - but at least the truck can move. The Scout squad realise that they can't shoot anything, so move further left.
Turn 1 - Orks
The Orks surge forward in a mass of muscle, sweat and bodies. However, they were to eager to get to the fight and end up tripping over one another, Gortuf rolling a 2 to run - but spread out this time to protect themselves from templates. The trukk moves to the foot of the hill. Weirdy Boy calls on to cunning Mork and takes a psychic test. He passes, but his head nearly explodes as he rolls a 1 for his power, but he manages to wrestle it under control, rolling a 5 for his re-roll. In a flash of blinding green light, he and his mob teleport across the board and appear next to Captain Marcus' squad.
Turn 2 - Space Marines
The Captain and his squad whirl around to face this new threat. With the thunderous fire of their boltguns and the rocket launcher (which nearly clew up in their own faces) they take down around five Orks. The Dreadnought moves to the trukk and fires it's multi-melta and misses! However a well placed storm bolter shot from its other arm hits the driver and immobilises it, despite the glancing hit! The trukk is effectively taken out of the game, with both the driver and the gunner dead (but the kill point still not taken).
The Librarian and his squad have a bead on Gortuf's squad, and fire the rocket launcher (with Telion's help) into his squad, shrapnel slicing through three of them. The librarian casts his dome and gives his squad an invulnerable save. Terminators fail to arrive.
Turn 2 - Orks
The Warboss gets a move on towards the Dreadnought - a little too close as it would turn out. The 'Ard Boys surge heroically out of their now useless trukk, rolling a mighty 1 and 2 for difficult terrain, and an awe-inspiring 1 for their run move! At the end of their move they're still stuck in difficult terrain.
Weirdy Boy calls on the power of Gork this time and shoots out lightning from his fingertips, blasting away the Captain's squad away. Marcus merely raises an eyebrow and the lightning is deflected by his field of awesome (or Iron Halo if you really want - but the name is justified as you will see). He holds with almost-insane heroism (he rolled 3 for morale). The Orks assault the lone captain, but he's so small it actually blocks all the Orks from piling effectively on to him. Marcus, with a flick of his sword slices into Weirdy Boy's chest, exposing his ribs and bubbling, green blood (I don't think that's natural even for an Ork). The Weirdboy fights on and manages to stab him in a weak point in his armour with his long, squig-tooth nails. The Ork boys charge into him, but after a quick duelling match are left bemused at their now blade-less choppas: his sword's energy field cut right through them like a hungry squig through a crowd of grots. The Nob roared mightily bringing his mighty power klaw high above his mighty head, but took a blast of pure awesomeness to the face, and reeled back.
Turn 3 - Space marines
The Terminators arrive! The Terminators scatter into Gorstuf's mob and are (very luckily) delayed!
The Dreadnought lumbered forward to Gorstuf's mob, vaporising a boy with it's multi-melta and blowing the legs of another one off with its storm bolter. It then moved at ramming speed: 300 kilos of unstoppable force. Sadly, Gorstuf is not an immovable object and was completely crushed by its dreadnought close combat weapon. The dreadnought picked up his limp but still breathing body, bringing it up to the softly glowing visor and completely ignoring the screaming Orks around it.
"I am death incarnate," it spoke.
Gorstuf stared into the dimly lighted coffin that housed the deathless warrior and his broken body. He stared into the eyes of the living yet lifeless skull.
"And I'm Warboss Gorstuf! Waaagh!" He head butted the metal monstrosity, splattering yet more blood against its hull and caving in his own thick skull.
The Nob manages to shake the Dreadnought while he was faffing about with the Warboss.
Meanwhile the Sciro's squad of scouts opened fire on the group of 'Ard Boyz struggling down the hill. Telion helped aim the rocket (luckily avoiding an 8" scatter roll) while the rest of the squad fire with their Bolters. Luckily for the Orks, the meks had done a good job and most of the shots all bounced of their armour, with only one casualty. Angered, the Librarian arced some of his own lightning into the Orks, melting two of them.
Marcus was starting to get worried. Awesomeness can't protect you for ever. He lunged forward, digging the blade deep into the Weirdboy's throat, green blood spurting in all directions. Then something strange happened. The Weirdboy winked, and dissipated in a puff of green smoke. The split second of confusion was enough to earn him a knife in the back from an Ork boy (who had a spare choppa), putting him on his last wound. The nob still seemed to be dazed as he couldn't even hit the Captain. Turns out Marcus was wrong.
Turn 3 - Orks
The 'Ard boys move a monumental two inches from difficult terrain, and another one from their run, just bringing themselves to the top of the hill and out of difficult terrain. They must have heard their Warboss's death Waaagh! though, so gain fleet and manage to charge into Sciro's squad. Sciro cuts down two Orks with his force weapon but the scouts are still pretty green and fail to wound. Telion was probably too busy giving them combat advice on What To Do In This Situation to actually do any fighting as he missed as well. The boys manage to knife one of the the scouts and the nob manages to double instant death the rocket launcher guy due to wound allocation (which I actually helped him with ). Combat continues.
The dreadnought splats a boy with his one attack (because he's shaken), but the Nob sees an opening and sticks it right in there, penetrates, then rips off the fist. WARNING: THIS ISN'T THE LAST NOB JOKE!
Marcus cuts down a few Orks. The boyz are getting wary and resort to jeering and taunting, hoping to bring him off his guard (in other words, they utterly fail to do anything...). The Nob seems to recover from being awesomified, scores two instant death wounds and... both are saved. Yeah.
Turn 4 - Space Marines
The terminators arrive! They land safely between the three combats, near Marcus (they were actually intended to go and help out the librarian - it looked like he'd last the longest). Unfortunately, there's nothing to shoot except the trukk. One of them is just in range, but fails to penetrate.
If Marcus can hold out for two more rounds of combat he might make it! The odds are stacked against hi- yeah, whatever, you know he's gonna live. He cuts down another Ork. You know what happens next...
Another scout in Sciro's squad stupidly squanders his life in a foolish lunge against an 'Ard boy. Telion tuts and says: "No, this is how you do it", moving onto the demonstration part of the lesson, and slicing an Ork across the throat. The Librarian cuts down two more.
The Dreadnought crushes another boy by stomping on him repeatedly, but the nob pene- basically he destroys the multi-melta.
Turn 4 - Orks
The Orks are getting worried - the Space 'Umies are putting up a hard fight. At least, that was their excuse for failing so miserably. Marcus lives.
Another Ork is run over by the dreadnought, and the nob stuns him again (probably with that awful joke).
The 'Ard Boyz are reduced to just three Orks and a Nob, but the Nob is forced to discipline his squad by punching the cowardly grots repeatedly until they stay an' fight. They do manage to crush the rest of the scouts, leaving just Sciro and Telion (who was very disappointed in his boy scouts' performance today; it was disgraceful).
Turn 5 - Space Marines.
The Terminators move forward to crush the Orks assaulting Marcus. The sergeant and Marcus slice a few of the xenos scum down but that really was the calm before the storm. The Orks actually score a few wounds on the Terminators (about 8) and Marcus (please die!) and guess what? They're all saved. Orks go flying in all directions as the terminators lumber forward with their crackling powerfists. Orks die in droves from this and no retreat wounds. There are only about 7 or 8 Orks left - but they hold.
The Dreadnought does no damage, but the Nob immobilises it by craftily ripping out the wires leading to its legs.
Sciro and Telion are crushed under the bodies of dead Orks after managing to reduce them to two Orks and a Nob, though the stubborn Orks decide to fight on anyway. Telion tries to remember the power point he showed his scouts on self-revival. The Orks consolidate towards the dreadnought, hoping to destroy so the rest of the Orks could run over and kill those pesky terminators.
Turn 5 - Orks
The 'Ard Nob rushes over to the rear of the Dreadnought hoping to penetrate (you can thanks my dad for that one! I hope I'm not breaking any forum rules...). The combined effort of the Nobs finally wrecks the Dreadnought with another weapon destroyed hit (there were no weapons left, it was already immobilised and so it was wrecked). It powers down, under a mountain of corpses. A fitting burial for a Dreadnought. The 'Ard boyz consolidate 1 inch and the normal Orks 2... must be exhausted from all that fighting.
The Terminators save Marcus' bacon and slaughter a bunch of Orks, bringing the mob down to a wounded Nob and a single boy. They fail the morale check, but the Nob shoots the Ork in the back of the head to keep on fighting. He'd basically be in the same situation if he'd let the boy run away, but who cares?
The game carries on...
Turn 6 - Space Marines
They kill the Nob and consolidate a full 5 inches... not fair. Marcus also joins the squad.
Turn 6 - Orks
They run towards the Terminators, opening fire with their sluggas, doing 0 damage.
The games still goes on...
Turn 7 - Space Marines
The Terminators move 6 inches and gun down the three 'Ard boyz.
Turn 7 - Orks
The Orks shoot and assault the Terminators... and kill two! Marcus is still sitting in the lap of Lady Luck as the choppas bounce of his power armour. A few Orks are killed in return.
Killpoints 4 : 4 - a tactical draw. Space marine obviously win the moral victory - just by looking at the 40 Ork high death pile.
Orks killed the Scouts, Sciro the Librarian, the Dreadnought and the Tactical squad. Damn Captain Marcus!
Space Marines killed Warboss Gorstuf, the Weirdboy, the 'Ard boyz and one mob of Orks. The Trukk lives on (as long as you don't count the occupants)!
That was a really fun battle. Both of us had kill points we should have easily got: for me Marcus (who survived a lot of combat); for him the Trukk (which survived two multi-melta hits).
Nob Snazza knew when he was hopelessly outclassed - an unusual gift for an Ork. "Run ya gitz! Before dey skrag da lot of us! An' bring da Boss with ya!"
"Shall we pursue?" intoned one of the Terminators as he surveyed the rapidly scattering Orks.
"No," replied Captain Marcus. "We must aid our fallen brothers, before death claims them. Send out a distress signal and ask for a Techmarine. He is required to revive the holy Dreadnought."
Marcus smiled as he saw Telion limping towards them with an unconscious Librarian in tow. Seems like the self-revival lessons paid off after all.
"'Ey Boss!" said Grotskragga from behind him.
"Wot is it? Dese body gubbins 'urt like 'ell!" His entire arm had had to be replaced, as well as half his skull. At least he couldn't lose his favourite gun any more: it was welded on.
"I'ze found a use for dat Grot cooka! I callz it da 'Shokk Attack Gun'!"
"You'ze a stupid idiot! 'Ow'ze I gonna cook squigs now?" He turned, raising his hydraulic power klaw to strike. He stared at the gigantic gun pointing directly at his face.
"Oh no ya don't Boss. You'ze gonna respec' me now; 'cos I got a really big gun."
Wow. That was pretty long. I hope you enjoyed it!