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eyeolas
10-05-2009, 13:13
I'm not great at writing fluff because I don't know what's realistic and what isn't, so if things aren't right just tell me and I'll amend.

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The order is an as of yet undiscovered xenos race of humanoid species that have wings and a life span incomparable to the longest living eldar farseer. They have remained undetected over the millennia by their location on the outskirts of the warp rift, which has slowly given the species a rudimentary ability of mind manipulation, which they have used to conceal the location of their home planets to any that survive their initial assault.

The species as a whole refers to itself as 'the purest of the pure', as all other species that have found their planet have been either manipulated or killed, and it is for this reason they will not leave their 'metropolis' they have made of their home planets. However, this is a double edged sword, as many elders, each responsible for looking after the population of one of the planets, will often hear of the misdeeds of an individual of the order, a crime punishable by banishment, and, as is customary for the order, for the individual's wings to be permanently stained black by the more advanced psykers of the race. This is a mark of shame on the angel, and they are forever referred to as one of the fallen, that has put a black mark on the seemingly white canvas of the order. If the crime is seen as sufficiently deserving, an elder may perform a ceremony known as grounding, where one of the criminal's wings is removed to further serve as a reminder of their treason. The banished angels are then doomed to forever roam the universe as an outcast, where its existence is of no significance to the order.

On the day of white sun, an occasion every rising of the star known as the white sun, the light source of their planets, the current elder matriarch must name her next in line in preparation for the . Similar in time to when the Armageddon wars where raging, the matriarch known as the wing weaver was appointing her first bourn daughter as the heir to her vast thrown of feathers, made of the wings of each matriarch before her. As the white sun set, the daughter was appointed matriarch-to-be, and was bestowed a suit of blessed armour, made to enhance the power of the matriarch wearing it, so no one may try to overthrow her. As the other two daughters of wing weaver heard of this from their planets, they were filled with rage and immediately returned to confront the matriarch-to-be. The ensuing battle raged until the matriarch and several of the elders came together to capture them all, and it was ordered for them to be sent to be grounded. The three where marked on the spot, and forcibly taken to be grounded. The matriarch-to-be, whilst being removed from the armour she had been given, used its power to free herself and escape intact, yet still marked and banished, unable to return else she meets the same fate as her two sisters.

Once out of the civilisation, each sister, although unknowing of the other's intention, headed for a rumoured tundra planet where many fallen angels gathered to seek refuge and start a new life. Once together, the fight resumed until each was unable to move, lying still in the snow of the tundra until they were found by several of the other fallen that had witnessed their battle. They were taken to an underground cave filled with other fallen that had made their own civilisation, though rudimentary by the order's standards. The three sisters quickly took command of the fallen order by showing their far superior power, and made peace in the communal hatred towards the order they where once a part of. As of that moment they lead the fallen order, revoking their old names and dawning themselves the angels of wrath, rage and spite. Within a year, the fallen order had left their tundra home and started to travel the galaxies in search of a new home which they can claim as their own, cleansing any other life they find on their way.

As a renegade group of outcasts, the imperium soon discovered the existence of the fallen order and traced its whereabouts until it passed a small planet inhabited by a platoon of imperial guardsmen, sent to clear out the last of some renegades living there, said to be worshiping the chaos gods. As the fallen order reached the planet, the imperials had already set up their defensive perimeter. While the young men waited in the silence, a dark storm overthrew their side of the planet, blocking any site as the fallen order swooped down to the planet surface with lightning quick grace in wave after wave. The first to be seen where the giant machines known as celestial penitent, seen before as a machine of chaos, but taken over by an unstable angel, fused to the front of the machine, turning her hatred into automations enough to move the towering machine. Next came the volley of glowing arrows, shot with unnatural speed and precision, tearing through even the best made armour the guardsmen had. Soon, small bands of purgers had fallen, using their powers to manipulate fire into a weapon, leaving those who survived long enough to see another die in a state of terror as their comrades where incinerated where they stood. As the darkness cleared, the first of the sisters could be seen, the angel of spite, coming down from the heavens in her chariot, firing her devastating bow which ripped apart the chimeras many were trying to flee with, but merely leading to their demise as the vehicles erupted in a cloud of fire. As more troops arrived onto the already won planet, redemptionists were seen with massive scythes, cleaving through the thickest armour, decapitating multiple guardsmen in a single blow of immense strength, and harbingers, flying down atop pegasi to further the fallen orderís reach on the guardsmen that had thought they had escaped. With these came the second sister, with her left wing raised high as she fell like a meteor into the heart of the remaining guardsmen line, crushing any in her path. Once all had been cleared from the initial landing zone, and few guardsmen were still alive, fleeing for their lives, the third and final sister came down gracefully is a show of black light, her energy overflowing from her body into the form of a raven. As she touched down on the planet her energy spread, engulfing all life left.

Since then the imperium has never again made any recorded contact with the fallen order, hoping the black scar they had left on the guardsmen had merely gone away or been engulfed by another of humanities threats, but many believe them to still be out there, still on their path of destruction, looking for a new home world.

(also, see my signiture for the list and general discussion)

Skyrir
10-05-2009, 20:53
Enough of this angel army stuff. Bleh. Maybe fantasy, I don't think this would work well in 40k.

'Fallen Angel' brings DA to mind.

Rockerfella
10-05-2009, 22:26
Enough of this angel army stuff. Bleh. Maybe fantasy, I don't think this would work well in 40k.

'Fallen Angel' brings DA to mind.


Well, how terribly constructive.

eyeolas: I applaud you on your effort. Its nice to see some folk are still passionate enough about the game and background to at least have a go at their own background and interpretations there of.

Good effort.

[SD] Bob Plisskin
11-05-2009, 00:55
So they can still fly with their wings cut off yea?

cool0001
11-05-2009, 02:06
@ Bob the angels that come down are only banished so they have there wings stained black. Not all the banished are grounded.

[SD] Bob Plisskin
11-05-2009, 03:11
.... The ensuing battle raged until the matriarch and several of the elders came together to capture them all, and it was ordered for them to be sent to be grounded. The three where marked on the spot, and forcibly taken to be grounded. The matriarch-to-be, whilst being removed from the armour she had been given, used its power to free herself and escape intact, yet still marked and banished, unable to return else she meets the same fate as her two sisters. ....

.... The three sisters quickly took command of the fallen order by showing their far superior power, and made peace in the communal hatred towards the order they where once a part of. As of that moment they lead the fallen order, revoking their old names and dawning themselves the angels of wrath, rage and spite. Within a year, the fallen order had left their tundra home and started to travel the galaxies in search of a new home which they can claim as their own, cleansing any other life they find on their way.

.... As the darkness cleared, the first of the sisters could be seen, the angel of spite, coming down from the heavens in her chariot, firing her devastating bow which ripped apart the chimeras... With these came the second sister, with her left wing raised high as she fell like a meteor into the heart of the remaining guardsmen line... the third and final sister came down gracefully is a show of black light, her energy overflowing from her body into the form of a raven....


Oh I getya, reading it first time it kinda sounded like the first two sisters were flying, but I guess one has some sort of 'chariot' and the other just fell to the ground? They were grounded, at least 2 where before 1 escaped... right?

The points I would make on the original story are:

1 - Why are they so aggressive once they get kicked out? I mean it seems like a fairly idyllic society they have been raised in. Is it just because they're all jealous of each other/getting kicked out. This just seems a bit weak here.

2 - What makes them band together to take charge of the outcasts? Is it just the harshness of life on this ice planet thingy? /edit- just re-read the bit about this and you say communal hatred. I guess... this bit needs more detail, maybe a plethora of things make them overcome their differences? struggling for survival etc etc. If the mutual hatred was the emotion that made them come together then surely they would just go back to their home planet and try and get revenge?

3. Why are they now so aggressive to outsiders? Surely all their hate should be directed at their own kind who expelled them? I can see the hunting for a new home planet thing I guess.

4. Why was the third sister who was going to be matriach punished? all she did was get beat-up on.

5. This is my major head spinny thing that I cant get around. Why would they banish people who dont like them if they want to remain secret? I mean if I was one of the banished and was p'd off about it I'd just go to the nearest scary looking alien race and go "Hey, these dudes over here think they're better than you and have loads of those raw materials you place high value on..." - It just seems a bit of a strange punishment for a secretive society to do.

All said though it's a promising story so far, just some of the things don't seem that logical to me, if you can offer some more detailed explanations for these points it will be very good.

possible inclusions to override my points:

1 - Perhaps have something of the local ecosystem that calms them? Perhaps say like millions of years ago the race was war-hungry avengers (old testamant angels) then the white star was spotted in the midnight sky and the tribes pulled together for the benefit of their race (new testament). Therby implying that the white star has some sort of effect on their brains perhaps starting their psychic development but also holding back their destructive nature? When people are banished they revert to their ancient state?

2 - Perhaps the 3 sisters are seen as prophets? Some sort of religion thing, but thats a bit overdone in 40K but could be in keeping with your theme. They are forced to co-operate by the other outcasts, or simply given promises of power and can share the glory this time.

3 - explained by 1.

4 - insert something for this, anything, maybe something where she is wrongly accused, maybe something the sisters knew about her that they told everyone?

5 - erm? maybe absolute necessity? Perhaps the corruption of their souls by their crimes can actually spread through society? A bit to "Chaos-did-it"? I dont know, as I said this point is the hardest for me to get my head around.

Anyway keep up the good work.

genestealer_baldric
11-05-2009, 09:01
a few negative comments if someones goes to the effort to think of soemthing other than whats current then good on them. The angel idea isnt that bad in most theoys there are allways 2 sides ,good and bad, heaven and hell, karma, ying and yang. I realy like that story and fluff granted it may need a bit of polish but its got a good base, if you can have walking bags of snot why not angels.

the reason that they could be so angry is due to a strict honour system and being dishonerd by having wings blacked and the shame of there loss of honour. The suggestion that normal angels eat or drink something to keep them calm and reserved and through training or use or devices to structure there phyke. which the renageds dont have so they are impulsive viloent and dark side comes to the fore, sounds perfectley fesiable idea.

eyeolas
11-05-2009, 13:15
Lets se, I'll try and answer everything in order.

Both of the two lesser sisters that were grounded now ride in chariots pulled by pegasi, I guess I forgot to mention that for the 2nd sister

Being banished hasn't changed their perception that their race is far superior to all others, and hence they will still work to clense the planets of other races, just for a slightly more productive reason as to find a new home planet. The extra rage they gathered when being banished never helped them with their anger issues either...

2 is similar to 1, in that they were still bourn and raised as part of the order, and hence will still be used to their customs, so the matriarch-to-be is seen as the clear leader for their new society, and hence she quickly takes control (and its prety customary in most races for the week to inately follow the strong). As for the sisters, I'll need to add more to that bit, something along the lines of the entire reason they fought was because of the possition of matriarch, which is no longer an option, or that when they were all within an inch of their life, they started to respect each other's power or something...

ya, 3 and 1 are prety similar, but generally the order as a whole is prety agressive towards outsiders as is, they just chose not to actively go an hunt them, whereas the fallen just roam around, and if they find things then they will try to purge it from existance, as is their way

Ah, I missed that little bit. I was going to have it as some part of their customs that she broke, but I couldn't think of anything at the time and moved on, any ideas? Something like the matriarch-to-be is not to fight before she is matriarch, as if she was killed in battle then their entire customs of when the heir is announced etc would be ruent. Something like that

This is prety badly explained, but the vague theory behind it is they don't see anyone else as more powerfull than them (the whole purest of the pure thing), and hence they are the only ones that would be able to stand up against the order once they have grown strong enough. I intended to add something like 'so they may return one day to exact their revenge', but forgot it

Erm, well I suppose you got me there on 5. I guess it could be an 'out of site, out of mind' sort of punishment, where the order doesn't really care what happens to the fallen once they're out of their society, or maybe I should add that they wipe their memories of the order from them before they are banished, but the matriarch-to-be escapes this bit aswell? I'll think baout that one

chears for the replies, I'll amend it later when I get free time enough to go through it properly

Ubermensch Commander
11-05-2009, 17:39
A race of elder beings with superpowers that has never been discovered?
Also, removing ONE wing? Huh? Does it grow back? can they fly? Why not just rip both or cripple them temporarily in another way? Why does it take an incredibly powerful psyker to dye them black?

Look, I will be honest. A race of superpowered being "not yet found by the Imperium" is breaching mary suedom. Longer lived than Eldar, all are super psychics(or have some comparable powers)!!.....*pinches bridge of nose*...ooook.

Why not just go Daemons and call it a day?

[SD] Bob Plisskin
12-05-2009, 06:56
Every race in 40k is a mary sue.

edit - I do actually quite like the memory wiping idea, that would explain why the sisters stopped fighting. Perhaps all Grounded angels have both wings cut off and their memories wiped. This means they are no threat to the society. By escaping the 3rd sister manipulates them because only she knows the truth, plus she has wings. Perhaps have it like the outcasts have their own feudal society where they have all gravitated together throughout the universe, all finding they share a lack of memories and matching scars on their backs.

eyeolas
12-05-2009, 09:39
The race has been discovered, but only by a few people, and none made it out with sufficient memory or alive to tell the tale, its not like they've untill now not met any other race.

Its a ceremonial thing mostly added because then I could make the models look cool, and no it doesn't grow back, and hence no they cannot fly. also, wings tend to mault and grow new feathers, it takes a powerfull psycher to manipulate them to the point where their body grows black wings rather than white. It'd be a prety bad punishment if you just got kicked out for a week to think about what you did, then came back and you were fine...

Their also not superpowerfull, they just havn't met anything of a challenge to fight, and hence think they are much more powerful than everyone. The guardsmen were also outnumbered (a platoon of guardsmen vs several century's worth of outcast angels spells outnumber based death, and lets face it, they're guardsmen). The vast majority of them have very very little psychics aswell, only a few of them have it to the point it is usable, and very few have it to the point it is powerful

If I wanted to do a daemon army, do you really think I'd have gone to the trouble of making three separate threads about making an angel army?

Awilla the Hun
12-05-2009, 17:19
"Every race in 40k is a mary sue."

I really beg to differ.

The Imperial Guard is among the least sueish races/armies in sci fi history. Every victory they win requires a lot of effort. Giant waves of men having to face down the real Sues (I won't name names here) with only a lasgun, led by commanders who couldn't care about them, with shells raining down and battle tanks rolling forth is the least sueish way of war I can imagine. It's the sort of tactics that Sues usually find somehow disgusting, shortly before vapourising the fat, moustached, high born buffoon responsible fore it and introducing some guff that magically works better on the spot.

I also find it hard to work out how Orks are sueish.

But this is all digression. Nice idea, and I hope it works!

Ubermensch Commander
12-05-2009, 19:30
The race has been discovered, but only by a few people, and none made it out with sufficient memory or alive to tell the tale, its not like they've untill now not met any other race.

Its a ceremonial thing mostly added because then I could make the models look cool, and no it doesn't grow back, and hence no they cannot fly. also, wings tend to mault and grow new feathers, it takes a powerfull psycher to manipulate them to the point where their body grows black wings rather than white. It'd be a prety bad punishment if you just got kicked out for a week to think about what you did, then came back and you were fine...

Their also not superpowerfull, they just havn't met anything of a challenge to fight, and hence think they are much more powerful than everyone. The guardsmen were also outnumbered (a platoon of guardsmen vs several century's worth of outcast angels spells outnumber based death, and lets face it, they're guardsmen). The vast majority of them have very very little psychics aswell, only a few of them have it to the point it is usable, and very few have it to the point it is powerful

If I wanted to do a daemon army, do you really think I'd have gone to the trouble of making three separate threads about making an angel army?

I did not have an issue with the black wings, so much as leaving them with a SINGLE wing. Moronic and is too reminiscent of the Final Fantasy "One Winged angel" garbage. If they wanted to make it where they could not fly, just remove BOTH wings.

BTW, WHAT makes them think they are "pure"? What crimes are commited that they would be "banished"? How does the race go through space?

As for not superpowerful...your writing would give a different impression. Longer lived than Eldar, can "roam universe" apparently at will, may fire "volley of glowing arrows, shot with unnatural speed and precision, tearing through even the best made armour the guardsmen had" and may also merge with machines and manipulate fire at will?
I suppose we have different opinions of overpowered. I freely admit that it is a fanwork also gets my hackles up real quick.



Sounds like a lot like Daemon army, only with the Imagery flipped. I even see a Soulgrinder and flamers of Tzeentch in there. Only you have removed any warp instability by making them just Xenos.

Also, the Angel iconography is strange since A)Angels are a human construct B) The Imperium already has Angel mythos going on, both with the Space Marines as "Angels of Death" and other aspects.