View Full Version : Emperor's final words

29-03-2010, 12:30
What do you think The Emperor's last words on his death bed/Golden Throne were?

I'm thinking something along the lines of, "I think I left the oven on..."


29-03-2010, 12:59
"Well... here I am."

29-03-2010, 13:00
"Let me go to the bathroom first."

29-03-2010, 13:02

29-03-2010, 13:02
"Dorn, remember to return the DVDs to Blockbusters. Their late fees are a joke"

29-03-2010, 13:02
"Who does Number 2 work for?!"

Or, "Anybody got a newspaper I could borrow? I think this is going to take a while..."

29-03-2010, 13:05
"No it is not a giant arcane lavvy!"

29-03-2010, 13:10
"But...it was so artistically done!"


"Unlimited power!"

Wolf 11x
29-03-2010, 13:12
"Assuming direct control!"

29-03-2010, 13:25
"i am the master of mankind... and i have to sit on this crap ? "

29-03-2010, 13:27
"Smoke me a kipper! I'll be back for breakfast!"

I'll shut up now... :shifty:

29-03-2010, 13:28
"and don't forget to set the alarm clock. I don't want to oversleep again."

29-03-2010, 13:29

3 0f 6
29-03-2010, 13:32

closely followed in the back ground by the monty python opening credits..

29-03-2010, 13:32
"Releasing control"


29-03-2010, 13:37

29-03-2010, 13:45
"Bring me a beer, b***h!"

29-03-2010, 13:46
*gives horus the finger* 'Who's your daddy?'

29-03-2010, 13:47
"I didn't mean give me a hand, literally..."

29-03-2010, 13:49
'ow that slightly hurts'

29-03-2010, 13:50
"My PRECIOUS! Aaaah!"

29-03-2010, 14:08
"OOOoo.. THAT'S gonna leave a mark.."

29-03-2010, 14:11
*thick Austrian accent*


29-03-2010, 14:12
Quoth Emperor:

29-03-2010, 14:14
"Well... here I am."

I second this.

Tzeentch Loyalist
29-03-2010, 14:33

Wait... wrong Sci-Fi series....

29-03-2010, 14:34
"The horror...the horror!"


"Sorry...for the inconvenience..."

29-03-2010, 14:37
"Wait, I have it! The meaning of life is........"

Born Again
29-03-2010, 14:39

I think this just about wins the thread.

29-03-2010, 14:56
i think he said "WE MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS" after having a vision of the throne breaking in the future.

29-03-2010, 15:09
"I'm not here to tell how this ends. I'm here to tell you how it begins."

29-03-2010, 15:12
Well, considering he 'died on the throne' it's got to be "Thankyouverymuch"

29-03-2010, 15:17
"Wait, you plan on putting me in what?"

29-03-2010, 15:17
"Dey trrrrk 'is jrrrrb!!!"

29-03-2010, 15:38
"Dey trrrrk 'is jrrrrb!!!"

LOL, Took me a second to get that one!

29-03-2010, 15:42
"They came... from... behind"

29-03-2010, 15:46
"ehm, if you guys put me on this giant golden crapper, and the crapper containts a gateway to the warp... what happens to my a** when the chair fails?"

29-03-2010, 15:51
"Get me a cushion, my piles are killing me."

29-03-2010, 15:55

"Make it so"

29-03-2010, 15:59
"I coulda been a contender..."

29-03-2010, 16:08
"I don't want to go" :(

29-03-2010, 16:11
What do you think The Emperor's last words on his death bed/Golden Throne were?

I think my vote was whispering into Dorn's ears "Is he off my lawn, yet?"

29-03-2010, 16:21
"When Cypher gets here, just let the man do his job..."

29-03-2010, 16:26
"Always look in the bright side of life..."

Repentant Son
29-03-2010, 16:27
I actually think the end of the duel went something like this...

Horus saw an opening, and took it, smashing the Emperor to the ground. Defenseless, but still defiant, the Emperor prepared for the death blow.

And then Chaos abandoned Horus.

Horus hesitated. He saw flashbacks of Istvaan V. Fulgrim was possessed. Ferrus Mannus, Corax, and Vulkan were all dead. He thought of Mortarion and all the other primarchs he had brought to Chaos. They had no hope of redemption. He thought of Lorgar, who had brought him to Chaos. He didn't hate him, he pitied him for he too had been lied to by Chaos.

They stood there for a long time, not as gods but as dying father and repentant son.

Finally, after mourning so much over his brothers, Horus saw Sanguinus. He saw that he was a bloody ruin, because of him. He had died by his own blade.
He had killed his closest brother.

"Sanguinus..." It was almost a request, with an unspoken, desperate "please" behind it.

"SANGUINUS!" he howled. His rage and suffering were impotent. He cradled his brother's body in his arms, and he cried.

The Emperor saw this all, with tears in his eyes. He knew what had to be done. He couldn't fail, humanity had suffered too much already.

"Horus... I forgive you." and with that he plunged his blade into Horus's heart.

Horus replied "Thank you... my father" With that he released his grip upon this world, and became a corpse.

Dorn rushed in, the Battle Barge cleansed of Chaos with the death of Horus. The Emperor commanded him to take him to the Golden Throne, and then the world became black.

29-03-2010, 16:30

29-03-2010, 16:32


Horus Heresy closed, due to Tactical Genius.

29-03-2010, 16:43
"Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!"

- Emperors last words on the fleeing traitor forces

Horus: 'Tis but a scratch!
Emperor: A scratch? Your arm's off!
Horus: No, it isn't!
Emepror: Well, what's that then?
Horus: I've had worse.
Emperor: You liar!
Horus: Come on, you pansy!

that seems so fitting when it comes down to the Horus vs Emperor fight for dialogue...

29-03-2010, 16:45
"I wrote an entry in my diary on the way over here...it simply said ... "bugger"."

29-03-2010, 16:47
"Horus proved himself to be a tactical genius"
so yeah:shifty::wtf:

29-03-2010, 16:49
Emperor: "it's just a scratch"
Dorn: "but sire, you haven't got any arms..."
Emperor: "a mere flesh wound..."

Brother Gabriel
29-03-2010, 16:49
"It could be worse"

29-03-2010, 16:54
Some thing along the lines of "rotomus use the matrix to light our darkest hour"......... "F@CK you hot rod" :D

But realistically "this is how you build the gold throne blah blah with out me your all F@CKED"

29-03-2010, 17:03
Damn i knew i should have used the holy grenade of Antioch on him...

29-03-2010, 17:15
Or it may have been "rez plz"

29-03-2010, 17:22
"Better update my facebook status..."

29-03-2010, 17:25
"Rule of thumb, Horus: you can't kill the Messiah!"

29-03-2010, 17:29
"Good, good, now strike me down with all of your hatred! Holy **** I didn't think you wouldn't really do it!"

29-03-2010, 17:29

29-03-2010, 17:32
Horus stop trying to kill me GO TO YOUR ROOM
and your grounded for a week for invading terra and no pocket money cause you killed sangiunus

29-03-2010, 17:35
"Kids suck..."

29-03-2010, 17:36
"Good, good, now strike me down with all of your hatred! Holy **** I didn't think you wouldn't really do it!"

Now that's good

Wolf Lord of Croatia
29-03-2010, 17:40

My theory.

29-03-2010, 18:19
"Don't believe a word Matt Ward writes..." :shifty:

29-03-2010, 18:25
Damn kids, solve the galaxies problem your own damn selves. I'm taking a nap.

29-03-2010, 18:29
"mah boi this dinner is what all true warriors strive for"

29-03-2010, 18:42
"Wait... I still haven't given you the blueprints for how to run this thing!"

29-03-2010, 18:44

29-03-2010, 19:04
"Now remember, my children - I'm not the Messiah, I'm a very naughty boy!"

29-03-2010, 19:13
"I wonder how long it's gonna take and how many prayers devoted to me before I abosorb enough psychic energy, become a god for real, and can get up off of this b***h?"

29-03-2010, 19:17

29-03-2010, 19:19
After all these melenia
it's about time some one showed up with the ....
Toilet Paper !...?

29-03-2010, 19:20
"tis but a flesh wound"

29-03-2010, 19:33
Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuu[...]

29-03-2010, 19:47
"I don't want to go" :(

Curse you for opening up recently healed wounds.

But anyway...

"Woe is me. Me thinks I'm turning into a god."

29-03-2010, 19:56
Emperor: "Guilliman come closer I have something to tell you"
Guilliman: -walks over to the Emperor- " Yes Father what is it"
Emperor: "Come closer"
Guilliman: -walks closer craddling the Emperor- " Father what do you need of me?', "Do you wish that I rule the Imperium in you stead?", "Shall I build a massive tome that details how your mighty Astartes should fight and what size they should......."
Emperor: -interupts- "NEEEERRRRRRDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!"
Guilliman: "Wait what?"
Emperor: -dies-

29-03-2010, 19:57
"So long and thanks for all the fish."

"Just as planned..."

"I should tell the Mechanicum about the Dragon."

"Do noooot passs go....do nottt colllllect two hundreddd creditssss."

Von Blacke
29-03-2010, 20:00
"Better update my facebook status..."

What's on your mind? Going to need a bigger word limit.

Political Views: The Mighty Imperium!
Religious Views: FOR THE EMPEROR! Yes, I really am my own religion.

29-03-2010, 20:04
Gespaccio soup...

kudos if you know that one...

29-03-2010, 20:21
"I feel happy I feel happy"

29-03-2010, 20:55
Gespaccio soup...

kudos if you know that one...

And kudos to you if you repost and spell it correctly ;)

29-03-2010, 20:57
"I feel happy I feel happy"


Emperor: "I'm not dead"
Dorn: "you will be in a moment"
Emperor: "I think I'll go for a walk"
Guilluman: "your not fooling anyone"
Emperor: "I feel happy! I feel happy".
Dorn looks at horus: "isn't there something you can do"?
Guilluman: "ah, thank you very much"
Abbaddon: " see you next Thursday".

29-03-2010, 21:00
I know an onlooking cleaning servitor (scutter) said,

'Strewth. I suppose you expect me to clear this s**t up? Bl***in' Ass Tarts.'

ps, Gazpacho, you smeghead. :p

29-03-2010, 21:05
"Dorn, come here my son"
Dorn approaches and bends over the fallen Emperor of Mankind
"Dorn, take Horus' corpse, resurrect him, wipe his mind, seal him in golden armour and name him The Sanguinor"
Dorn looks puzzled "But, Father, why?"
Emperor looks smug "Coz the b*asard killed Sanguinius and this'll teach the punk... also, don't tell them about those bits in my diary that you managed to sneak a read of about my lying outta my **** all these years"
Emperor dies

29-03-2010, 21:14
"I think this is what pain feels like..."


"Oh, bloody hell... This is going to suck."

29-03-2010, 21:26
The "Assuming direct control" "Engage" and "Make it so" ones win my LOL vote.

I would like to think it went something along the lines of the last showdown between Obi wan and Darth Vader in ep3 "If you strike me down now I will become more powerful..." only they both say it at the same time... :D

29-03-2010, 21:31
I see a bright light, wait thats my reflection.

29-03-2010, 22:20

"I ain't got time to bleed!"


"Tell my wife...hello."

29-03-2010, 22:51
"Remember to bury me in my good suit..."

30-03-2010, 00:34
"Psychics!!! I'm eating psychics!!!!"


30-03-2010, 00:46
Dorn ....

pull my finger ....

30-03-2010, 00:50
My pack is too heavy...

30-03-2010, 00:50
"Væ, puto deus fio"

30-03-2010, 01:23
"where does that tube go?? no not in there, not in there...AAAAHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG...."

30-03-2010, 01:30
"I'll just have a nap and wait for the dark eldar codex to come out."

Lord Aaron
30-03-2010, 01:36
Emperor - SOME ONE , QUICK! Call the ULTRAMARINES! They will fix all this!

Phone- Thank you for calling 1-800-Ultramarines , the lines are currently busy right now as half the chapters have turned on us, so we are kinda busy single handedly saving the galaxy right now, but if you leave your name and number we will get back to you as soon as we are on that side of the galaxy! Thank you and have a good day!

Emperor - O you gota be kidding me.... ****....

30-03-2010, 01:44
And kudos to you if you repost and spell it correctly ;)

Beat me to it!

Come to think of it, those might've been the Emperor's last words... :D

30-03-2010, 01:49
In a raspy voice....

30-03-2010, 02:06
Malcador: So what are we going to do tomorrow night sir?
Emperor: The same thing we do everynight, try and take over the galaxy

30-03-2010, 04:25
Malcador: So what are we going to do tomorrow night sir?
Emperor: The same thing we do everynight, try and take over the galaxy

They're Malcador, Malcador and the Emperor of man kind kind kind kind kind... NARF.


30-03-2010, 06:38
"There's actually quite a simple way to defeat the Tyranids forever, it's........"

252nd Fire Dragoon
30-03-2010, 07:03
"Frack! Wheres the toilet handle! How does it flush?"

30-03-2010, 07:14
"He's not the messiah! He's a very naughty boy!"

30-03-2010, 09:29
"Hurk Bleaughhhhh"

30-03-2010, 09:59
The emperor is placed on the throne, just before it engages he speaks:
''Are you all here to worship me?''
The surviving primarchs nod. Dorn speaks:
''Except for these servants they will feed the throne and sacrifice there souls in your name.''
The emperor looks at the servants and back at Dorn.
''You do know the throne does not actually need'' KCTZZzzzzz. [the throne switches on]

30-03-2010, 09:59
I would imagine, based on the fluff it was something like: "now plug socket P into slot A, and... Uurrk, flip the switch."

30-03-2010, 10:37
Reads from booklet,

'Ahem, congratulations on purchasing a 'Golden Throne' from the Eternity of Waiting collection from the forges of Olympus Mons. To fully enjoy the facilities offered by your 'Golden Throne' please read the following brochure fully. For other products please visit our aethersite at, Admech@marsorg. :p

30-03-2010, 11:27
Noooooooooooooo, frodoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Penitent Engine
30-03-2010, 12:31
Last (and continuing) thought:

"999 999 999 999 bottles of beer on the wall, 999 999 999 999 bottles of bear, take one down, pass it around, 999 999 999 998 bottles of bear on the wall..."

Braden Campbell
30-03-2010, 13:56
"Something.... something.... something.... dark side."

30-03-2010, 14:05
I would imagine, based on the fluff it was something like: "now plug socket P into slot A, and... Uurrk, flip the switch."

Yeah, this. ^^

Remembered last night that his 'final words' would not have been on the Battle Barge but at some indeterminate time afterwards while the Golden Throne was being constructed.

30-03-2010, 15:01
Why of course what the emperors last words before enthronement would be surely:


Lord Damocles
30-03-2010, 15:19
'Now all of you go! You know your duties. Execute them well. The universe has many horrors yet to throw at us. This is not the end of our struggle. This is just the beginning of our crusade to save Humanity. Be faithful! Be strong! Be vigilant!'
Horus Heresy: Collected Visions, pg.367

Yeah I know I'm missing the point of this thread. But what can you do?

30-03-2010, 15:21
The Emperor got tears in his eyes and said, in a tired, raspy voice, "Goodbye kids."

30-03-2010, 15:27
" That probe goes where? "

30-03-2010, 15:31
So long and thanks for all the fish

30-03-2010, 15:32
"Ahh, NyQuil and Sudaf......"
"This is gonna play havoc on my hemroids isn't it."

30-03-2010, 15:39
" halt hammerzeit!! "

30-03-2010, 15:45
Emperor: "OK guys, remember - this thing has an instruction manual. I left it right over there. Remember to read it over and follow the maintenance instructions carefully; because if you don't, we'll start running into some real problems in about 10,000 years."

Malacador: "You mean the one Dorn spilled his his diet soda on?"

Emperor: "DORN!!!!" - machine kicks on....

30-03-2010, 16:12
"Hurk Bleaughhhhh"


Thank you for that!

30-03-2010, 18:25
oh bummer!

30-03-2010, 19:52
Ok, put that guy on the throne! Tell the high lords it me, they aren't all there, they'll believe you. I'm gonna take my sword and never use it. Since I don't have a weapon then, someone give me a pistol, Oh 2 thanks to both of you, thats quite a nice plasma pistol and bolt pistol.

Oh and I need a robe to hide my face so no one recognizes me. Now where is Lion el' and Leman Russ, they are always late, they should know about this. I'm gonna wander the universe righting wrongs and saving humanity in secret. I will return during Humanities greatest need.

Followed by murmurs of... I was going to say that.

Now remember to tell Leman Russ and Lion el about this.

30-03-2010, 20:34
Damn, I should have listen to Magnus........!

30-03-2010, 21:21
"Pull my finger..."

30-03-2010, 23:06
"Remember to cancel my Tevo..."

30-03-2010, 23:39
I just lost the game...

31-03-2010, 00:56
Darn, out of paper. Fetch me another roll will you? I'll wait till you get back.

31-03-2010, 01:13
'Now all of you go! You know your duties. Execute them well. The universe has many horrors yet to throw at us. This is not the end of our struggle. This is just the beginning of our crusade to save Humanity. Be faithful! Be strong! Be vigilant!'
Horus Heresy: Collected Visions, pg.367

Yeah I know I'm missing the point of this thread. But what can you do?

So that's his actual last words?

Sorry, I'm still not that familiar with 40k history.

I think I was missing the point of the thread too. I was expecting someone to come up with a serious answer. Now I know better. :D

31-03-2010, 02:32
"Autobots....r-roll out."

By the way...how did the emperor guy die?

31-03-2010, 03:50
"Red wire 36 goes into slot g...no that's not slot g...there it is, it goes in there"
"What about this one??"
"oh...that one must be spare, where's yellow wire 13?...Yes put that one in slot b"
"I need a double adapter here"
"What? It might still be in the box"

31-03-2010, 04:14
<Throne's plugged in and turned on and the Muzak starts>

o/~ All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces...

31-03-2010, 05:08

Horus Heresy closed, due to Tactical Genius.

My favorite, although "It's" is pretty good too.

My contributions:

"Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l'ai pas fait exprès."
"Am I dying, or is this my birthday?"
"How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?"

Or perhaps better yet to quote my favorite author on her deathbed:

"I want nothing but death."

31-03-2010, 06:17
"Don't worry, Carnifexes will be nerfed."

31-03-2010, 10:49
Emporer turn to horus and says...

"Do you think YOU were the only one they tempted?. But I was stong. Stronger than you. why would thay want YOU if they had ME?... i said no."

horus stares at the emporer for several seconds...

emporer says "ULTIMO MIND ZZZAAAPPPP!!!!!!!!!" and horus explodes like the death star

the end, roll credits.

31-03-2010, 10:57
"Don't worry sons, in time space wolves will be more chaotic than chaos..."

"I'm to old for this."

"It's a bird, it's a plain, it's a giant freaking throne." <<< last words as He approaches the golden throne.

"Ha! Three in a row!"


31-03-2010, 10:58
This isn't world of warcraft!!!

31-03-2010, 11:03
"....and to think people always ask me if i know tyler durden..."

31-03-2010, 13:11
"You gotta be kidding me!"


"I'm not going to make it, am I?"

"Someone get Gregory House!"

"I'm sure Hitler will have a reaction to this..."

"I'm dying, but I can be put in the Golden Throne. You, your dead you little pr*ck, no fixing that"

31-03-2010, 13:24

We have a winner :p

31-03-2010, 14:14
Nah it's got to be:

"Rogal my son, come close for my life's breath is all but spent...ow you're kneeling on my crutch!"

31-03-2010, 17:13
"Tell them .... I said something interesting"

Death Korp
31-03-2010, 17:47
The God Emperor lies on the floor, dying from the grevious wounds that his beloved son, Horus dealt him. Rogal Dorn and an Imperial Fist Marine go to inspect the dying god....

Imperial Fist: Whats his power level?!?!?!

Rogal Dorn: ITS MINUS NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cries:

Sad, I know.



31-03-2010, 18:40
"Tell my mommy I love her."
-Your mother is dead, my Emperor.
"What did you say about my mother?"

31-03-2010, 18:54
"Your not sticking me in that bloody thing"

Dorns response, "Now now dad, just sit here and rest and I'll visit you next month"

10'000 years later and he's still not written or called. poor old Emperor

31-03-2010, 21:03
"Kiss me Dorn..."
heh... I had to do that one :P

31-03-2010, 21:37
"If you strike me down i shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Mr Zoat
31-03-2010, 22:18
I always thought it was "YOU ARE DELUDED!"

31-03-2010, 22:46
"..bazinga.. !!"

31-03-2010, 23:53
I think it would be something in the lines of "3.5 edition was better than 4th "

01-04-2010, 00:48
"tis' but a scratch!"

01-04-2010, 00:55
"I think this might've been a bad idea, I knew I should've just built killer robots......"

01-04-2010, 05:30
"ha, ha, ha. Lucky it was all just a dream huh, Malcador... Malcador...? Ah ****!"

01-04-2010, 05:37
"I'll be back... with more weapons."

01-04-2010, 05:59
I... See a light!... DORN, GET THAT LASGUN OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!!!!
I told you NOT to give him the ring!!!*face palm*
Well, kids, im off to Mexico
I put the secret weapon in...

01-04-2010, 07:35
"What's the chair actually do...?"

01-04-2010, 11:16
... several decades after internment upon the golden throine, as the voice servos finaly begin to give out...

..."Daisy, Daisy give us your answer please, Were all crazy, craaaazzzy for loviing yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyoooo..................... ........."


01-04-2010, 11:20
"Of course I made the toilet out of gold! I am the fricking Emperor!"

01-04-2010, 11:48

Anyone who's played Brutal Legend will understand =)

@G0ldenThr0ne: Srsly, sum1 make th wordlimit biger, u knw how hard its to micromanage th Big U wth 140 chars a time? PS Grtz to Yarrick @ArmaGddon

01-04-2010, 11:50
Brutal Legend was an awesome game but needed to be about 4 times as long.

01-04-2010, 12:10
"And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes it was my way"

01-04-2010, 12:24
Emperor: "OmGzz!!!!!111! Horus R Use haCkzzZZ"
Dorn: "Wha?"

Emperor: But... but I had a 2+ save... FNP... EW... How...?
Dorn: Sir... Horus used Sanginus' Bloody Blood Sword of Crimson Bleeding Gory Death, that's red.
Emperor: But I never... gave him that...
Dorn: I know sir... but Matt Ward did.
Emperor: Blerrrggghhh.......

Emperor: If only... ForgeWorld had writ my rules...
Dorn: Or Phil Kelly, sir.

Horus: :mad:
Emperor: :cries:
Dorn: :eek:

01-04-2010, 13:53
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength

01-04-2010, 15:09
"Drink drink, fan fan, rub rub"


"Whats the eco efficency rating on this, because if it worse than a B then I ain't paying the next electrcity bill!"

Triszin The Wrath God
01-04-2010, 16:40
emperor- "42"

01-04-2010, 19:16
What do you mean - "optional maintenance plan" ?

01-04-2010, 20:06
emperor-aahhhh, dying...:skull:
april fools
dorn- but its not april
emperor- silence i am the emperor and i decide if it is or isn't april, and i say its april dammit dorn why do you never play along with my jokes
dorn- coz they're not funny
emperor- oooooooooooohhhhhhhhh he hit he where it hurts,aaaahhhhhhhhhh dying dying, dead

01-04-2010, 20:09
The emperor sitting at the throne...
'We're sorry but this operation has been terminated'
'WTF?! ********** windows 30'000!'

01-04-2010, 22:10
"Whatever you do, don't let Guilliman take over. He's a dangerous control freak."

01-04-2010, 22:19
Well S@#t!

01-04-2010, 23:15
Emperor: "Dorn this looks nothing like the picture on the instruction manual!"
Dorn: "Well Sire i dont know what to suggest..."
Emperor: "This is the last time i buy from Ikea!"


Emperor: " um Dorn my son.. remember that time you walked in on me and i was um...........you know..."
Dorn: "oh thanks id forgotten about that!!"


Emperor: "Who was the Horus guy anyway??"

02-04-2010, 00:00
My god... its full of stars

02-04-2010, 00:15
...That was my last poo.

(extra points if you know this one)

02-04-2010, 01:41
I keep thinking it's Tuesday!

Lord Asgul
02-04-2010, 02:20
Here is a few:

Emperor: "THIS! IS! TERRA!!!!!!"
Horus gets mind blasted down a well

Emperor: "I'm going to have some fun with Slaanesh now ;)" *dies*

Emperor: "Now in about 10,000 years, without proper maintainence, the Astronomicon will start flickering and eventually go out and we don't want that"
Malcador: "Why not?"
Emperor: "We may lose a few hundred ships"
Malcador: "Oooooohhhh"
Emperor: "Have you noted that down?"
Malcador: "Yeah I'll place it on your face."
Emperor: "Wait. Whaaa....." *dies*

02-04-2010, 02:31
Although the funny stuff is, well, funny I think the moment was kinda leaning towards the dramatic side of things. Something like,

"My will be done."

03-04-2010, 20:58
Horus how could LINE!

03-04-2010, 22:36
Emperor: ooh this is embarrassing ,Quick Malcador , fetch the ***** tickets.

Malcador to custodes on the door: "You may not want to go in there for a while" pulls a sour face and wafts hand around nose.

03-04-2010, 22:45
"Oh, the humanity!"

04-04-2010, 00:00
Emperor - don't tell them I don't have medical insurance...

04-04-2010, 00:07
Emperor - "Dorn, continue with the operation. You may fire when ready."

Dorn-"Commence Primary Ignition"

04-04-2010, 01:33
mother! someone maternal!

Da Black Gobbo
04-04-2010, 01:36
Bring me toilet paper!

04-04-2010, 02:03
Emperor: "Guilliman come closer I have something to tell you"
Guilliman: -walks over to the Emperor- " Yes Father what is it"
Emperor: "Come closer"
Guilliman: -walks closer craddling the Emperor- " Father what do you need of me?', "Do you wish that I rule the Imperium in you stead?", "Shall I build a massive tome that details how your mighty Astartes should fight and what size they should......."
Emperor: -interupts- "NEEEERRRRRRDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!"
Guilliman: "Wait what?"
Emperor: -dies-
Best one so far.

Well all our enemies can be defeated just by saying... *dies*

Of course I need a different toilet than everyone else. I $#*! stars not that regular stuff.

The primarchs and the lords gather around the throne. Emperor says "You are all my greatest disappointments." *dies*

04-04-2010, 03:08
'I know it was you, Horus. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!'

Or maybe he just started singing 'Always look on the bright side of life'??

04-04-2010, 03:15
"I am D. B. Cooper!"

"I left my keys on Horus' bridge."

On another note, I wonder if Horus' last words were "Leroy Jenkins!"?

04-04-2010, 03:17
"Weary traveller rest your head, for just like me you're utterly dead."


"We'll need allies in the millenia ahead, so try not to make enemies out of everyone you meet."

04-04-2010, 10:05
Emperor: ow, my liver, my liver.

Rogal Dorn: Heh, that's not your liver.

04-04-2010, 12:03
Emperor: "Guilliman come closer I have something to tell you"
Guilliman: -walks over to the Emperor- " Yes Father what is it"
Emperor: "Come closer"
Guilliman: -walks closer craddling the Emperor- " Father what do you need of me?', "Do you wish that I rule the Imperium in you stead?", "Shall I build a massive tome that details how your mighty Astartes should fight and what size they should......."

Emperor: -farts-
Guilliman: "Oh Throne that's gross (cough, gag)"
Emperor: Heh heh...

04-04-2010, 12:04
How about...

"So im just gonna be sat here? Heresy grows from idleness!"

04-04-2010, 12:28
"If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience."

04-04-2010, 12:53
"Son... I am disappoint"

04-04-2010, 14:00
Emperor - Dorn, I'm sorry
Dorn - Emperor, my lord, you have nothing to be sorry for
Emperor - no, I'm sorry.
Dorn smells the airs, coughs and gags, holds back a laugh
Emperor - I'll stop when you stop laughing
Dorn still holding back chuckle - I'm not laughing.
Emperor dies.

04-04-2010, 14:46
"Gah...and with my dying breath...I...I...curse you Zoidburg!"

E-"I'm dying - oh the pain...you killed me!"
H-"Oh what have I done?!"
E-"I just said, you've killed me!"

With apologies to futurama...

04-04-2010, 17:30
"How do the three shells?"

04-04-2010, 21:20
"How do the three shells?"

hahaha... gotta be the best so far!

04-04-2010, 21:43

Col. Tartleton
04-04-2010, 22:28
Horus: I did not intend to kill my brother. Just ask for your life Father and I will spare you.
Emperor: Strange words from a disappointing creation to his creator.
Horus: And yet you lay bleeding your life blood before me with your works crumbling around you?
Emperor: I may die and my works may crumble, but while Man still breathes there is life.
Horus: And where there is still life...
Emperor: There is hope.
Horus: *The fire leaves his eyes* It was not for lack of love that I turned against you.
Emperor: It is too late for that Horus. We both must play the Tarot we were dealt.
Horus: So I must kill you.
Emperor: And I you.
Horus: They will little remember what we said here, but they must remember what we did here.
Emperor: No Horus. They will be doomed to repeat us. I have lived long enough to know that much.
Horus: You will be a martyr; a Godhead. A beacon of ever dimming light.
Emperor: And they will cast you as the fiend that destroyed mankind's last hope.
Horus: Then kill me. Break that cycle.
Emperor: It wouldn't change anything.
Horus: There is too much blood on my hands father.
*Kills Horus and exhausted falls still*
Emperor: And mine my son.

04-04-2010, 23:01
Emperor: "Oh well... so how much energy does this thing needs to start working?"
Dorn: "Well... emm... oh here it is, look..."
Emperor: What?! 1.21 GIGAWATTS????!!!!!!!!"
Dorn: "Yep..."
Emperor: "Damn, we're gonna need LOTS of psychers to keep this thing running..."

06-04-2010, 05:50
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here.
It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction...