View Full Version : I iz a Giant and I iz gonna stomp yooz, hurhurhur!

Getifa Ubazza
14-02-2011, 21:14
This is really just a bit of fun and hope you guys will play along. I just bought a couple of old metal Giants on ebay. The Marauder one that was out when I joined the hobby and the one from the 90's. I'm very much looking forward to them getting here, so I can get them painted and into my Orge army.

Here is the situation. You wake up after a rather heavy drinking session and looking around you, you find yourself inbetween two large rocks and surrounded on all sides by mountains. After getting your bearings you see that theres a small path at your feet. You probably fell over drunk from the path and just decided to go to sleep where you fell. Your feet are bare and on further inspection of your person you discover that all you have on is a bit of animal fur around your private areas. That must have been some night huh? Looking around you, you also spot some farm animals. The farm animals are very small. You finally come to your senses and realise that the animals are not small, it's you that is very large. You are a Giant in the Warhammer world. Whatcha gonna do?

I suppose I better answer this since I asked you to. Well thinking about it, I could go looking for other Giants as I know there are silly Knights and red haired Dwarfs out there that don't like us and would think nothing of trying to kill us, so strength in numbers might be smart, although lots of Giants would be a lot easier to spot than one, so maybe not such a smart idea after all.

First things first, although I am really big, little things can still hurt me. Most of them on battlefields, so avoid battle fields. Ok, still have the problem of those Knights and Crazy Dwarfs? I have a plan. I will find a blacksmith, lock up his family and tell him to make me armour to protect my legs and groin. That should stop alot of those little gits hurting me. Maybe get some forearm and chest protection while I'm at it. After my armour is made and I've had the blacksmith and his family for dinner. :evilgrin: I will get out of there before anyone comes to check on my dinner........Sorry I ment the blacksmith and his family.

Next problem. I need to eat, so cant just hide in the mountains. Plus theres stuff in the mountains that are bigger than me and I don't want to be lunch for something else. So stay close enough to a good food supply, But also keep on the move. Farms are probably my best bet for food and should be easy enough to raid. I could of course try to see if the farmer will let me work for him in exchange for food, But I doubt he would trust me, so maybe not. So keep on the move, stay within a reasonable supply of easy food and avoid anyone that looks like a Knight or a Dwarf with red hair.

Sounds easy enough.

Ultimate Life Form
14-02-2011, 21:28
Sounds easy enough.

Yeah, sure. In a world that's quite different from ours were even Giants are considered fair game by pretty much everyone, I daresay your chances of survival are slim. You'll last exactly until the moment the next crazed Slayer comes around the corner. :rolleyes:

An interesting thing to note though that if I remember correctly there was a Giant in the service of the imperial army in Storm of Chaos, so apparently there are precedents where man and Giant can coexist peacefully - the protection an armed garrison offers would definitely be my preference.

Getifa Ubazza
14-02-2011, 21:48
I thought of that, But wasn't sure if on seeing me, they would just attack.

My idea was staying away from areas where stuff that was bigger than me would be, But also stay away from large populations of anything small, that could gang up on me. So thought that staying somewhere inbetween would be safest. Obviously I'm quite a cowardly Giant.

14-02-2011, 22:17
Assuming you are not as retarded as most of your race, which considering you managed to work out a computer and type this in comprehensible English is certainly the fact, I would have some suggestions.
1- Avoid Bretonnia, knights can be uppity and pointy lances are pointy.
2- Avoid Dorfs, their small stature makes them naturally hostile to anything taller than a man (elves can attest), especially naked ones with bright red hair. Avoid them. Thankfully, avoiding is easy considering their short stunted physique hampers them from moving extraordinary fast. Be careful though as some people have reported that the world started working different around half a year ago, they can and will suddenly be upon you if you linger around too much.

My suggestion would be, that unless you intend to find the furthest corner of the world (and who are you kidding, those are not safe) is to try the political approach on a village, preferably a remote one that has fallen on hard times. Assist them in the field and fend off marauding beastmen and orcs, this can be risky but desperate people will take any hand, especially if said hand can casually plow their fields and retrieve lifestock on the loose.

14-02-2011, 22:42
My suggestion- live in a river. You're probably tall enough to walk along the bottom whilst being able to hold your head above water, you can just duck and hold your breath for a while if anything approaches, and make a heroic name for yourself rescuing drowning puppies. I reckon that would make you pretty safe.

Until Warhammer Armies: Fishmen arrives, that is.

14-02-2011, 22:48
Avoid dark elves at All costs or you end up as a giant pin cusion very quickly. :(

14-02-2011, 22:55
Wander around for a little while, do my own thing, steal some cows, then wander over to the nearest ork settlement, they don't mind height in fact they seem to venerate it, then I'm gonna start stomping stuff, as soon as the orks get me some normal(I still consider this world tiny sized) sized steel boots, when I jump up and down I want str 10 hits!

14-02-2011, 23:02
Mmh... I'm retaining my knowledge of Warhammer? I'm running south, and I try to find an orc tribe. This is definitively the best place to be for a giant. Unless you don't mind the mutations, then you try to run north and get through Kislev and the troll country to join chaos warriors. But imho, starting from the World's Edge Mountains, it's safer to go south through the Border Princes than North through Kislev. I wouldn't be too worried by slayers, because I know what to expect (they see me, they try to kill me), so I'll just run, no way they'll catch me. Bretonnians are more worrysome (horses will keep up with me most likely) but unless I wander in Bretonnia, the worst I'll probably meet is a lone questing knight, and he's unlikely to pose a threat. Not being an idiot like regular giants, I would also carefully aim before striking the knight with the tree I just picked up for self defense, if the need arose :p Anyway I shouldn't be dead drunk like other giants regularly are, so I should be better at running away and fighting opponents.

Getifa Ubazza
14-02-2011, 23:07
My suggestion would be, that unless you intend to find the furthest corner of the world (and who are you kidding, those are not safe) is to try the political approach on a village, preferably a remote one that has fallen on hard times. Assist them in the field and fend off marauding beastmen and orcs, this can be risky but desperate people will take any hand, especially if said hand can casually plow their fields and retrieve lifestock on the loose.This actually makes alot of sense. A Giant would be a very good asset for a village or small town. Its just getting over that hurdle of the reputation of most of my race. As ULF said, there is stories of at least one Giant in the service of the Imperial Army and that is sounding more and more like the safest place to be. So get in with a village on hard times and hopefully overtime they will begin to trust me. Others will hear of the village with the Giant and most likely will attract "Heroes" looking to prove themselves against the monster. If I'm lucky someone high up in the Empire will have the brains to see potential in me.

Sounds like a great plot for a book.

@ Urgat: I have to agree. Heading for an Orc settlement would probably be best.
I guess a Giant has no choice but to fight alongside someone in order to keep safe.

14-02-2011, 23:33
Yeah, there is one giant in Middenheim, used to man the giant canon, Ulric's Thunder iirc. Well, if we're accepting that SoC happened... there was one giant. Considering how he ended, I'm not too sure it's the safest place at all (he ended up sleeping with a block of warpstone in the pants, "forgotten" there by a skaven, and woke up the next day as an enormous chaos spawn, quickly slain by the Middenheimers...).
Nah, orcs for me.

Getifa Ubazza
14-02-2011, 23:53
So really theres no choice then. Fight alongside the greenskins until I get killed in Battle. I could always go look for Bologs and Cachtorr and hope they will let me join them and one day end up in a retirement home for Giants in Albion.