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    Commander Lucifer216's Avatar
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    Jul 2005
    Colindale, London, UK

    Nurture or Geneseed: 40K humour

    Here we go with my latest offering

    Nurture or Geneseed? – A paper by Magos Psychologis Venar Clamdt


    After being approached by a high level Consortium of Inquisitors, who were most interested in my previous research and findings*, I was quickly persuaded** to begin on their behalf a detailed study into the nature of the Adeptus Astrates, with a view to understanding the influence of the varying types of geneseed on space marine personality.


    Over a period of 50 years, a number of aspirants from a single world (Necromunda), were inoculated with the geneseed of different primarchs and then given over to different chapters for training and service. The trials were effectively doubleblind as neither the surgeons in charge of the surgical proceedings, the aspirants or the chapters that became their new homes knew which geneseed had been implanted. Every move and conversation by the surviving aspirants was recorded, using a special device connected directly to their suit’s autosenses. Analysis was ongoing and this report represents the results of 50 years***

    Executive summary:

    One of the most interesting subjects (Subject A21) was implanted with the Canis helix (spacewolf geneseed) and placed within the Dark Angels chapter. To my professed surprise, subject A21, quickly rose within the ranks, thanks to his unwavering faith in the Emperor and eventually became a chaplain. However, autosense records indicate that this was actually a front put on to guarantee an increased supply of communion wine. Subject A21 was later demoted when after an expedition to an Ork world in the hunt for “fugitive chaos space marines” (initiated by Subject A21), the thunderhawk used in the mission returned bearing a full cargo of fungus-beer.

    Another subject (B22) was put into the opposite situation (Dark Angel geneseed and placement with the Space Wolves). Unfortunately, Subject B22 rapidly became the subject of near total social exclusion on account of “not smelling right” and his distaste for Fenrisian beer. Matters quickly came to a head after Subject B22 was caught writing poetry during his daily mediations, poetry, which was later found to be a metaphor for his growing feelings for one “Brother Vogar”. After a few more incidents, in which Subject B22 was heavily chastised for keeping woman’s clothing in his mediation cell, he eventually became the victim of what appeared to be friendly fire.

    Subject C42 was inoculated with Blood Angel geneseed and placed with the Ultramarines. After a number of skirmishes, his natural aptitude for close combat quickly resulted in his promotion to the rank of sergeant in a assault squad. His combat performance continued to be exemplary until his company was stationed on the night world of Xarran V.

    Somehow despite almost no opportunity to mix with the civilian population, he quickly acquired the status of a celebrity. The fortress-monastery ended up virtually under siege by hordes of pallid gothic ladies and several wagon loads of used female undergarments were delivered each day. Thankfully for the mental health of the rest of his unit (who despite being Ultramarines, recorded jealousy indexes in the high 80’s) subject C42, was quickly transferred to an active combat assignment.

    Unfortunately, this involved a series of ongoing campaigns against the Black legion backed up by Khorne Berserkers. To the surprise of his superiors, Subject C42 exhibited a capacity for violence that shocked even hardened 300 year old veterans. The trigger seemed to be one point when Abaddon the Despoiler stuck up a single finger up at Subject C42’s unit with the Talon of Horus. Such an infantile gesture backfired when Subject C42 killed an entire unit of berserkers, the vast majority of which were later found completely drained of blood.

    Almost all of the other subjects indicated similar behaviour, indicating that the changes in personality triggered by the geneseed and the resulting transformation into one of the Emperor’s finest is sufficiently powerful to overcome even the intense training regimes and severe indoctrination processes favoured by the Adeptus Astrates.

    For full results, readers are invited to visit the planet of delta succundus, segmentum obscura, on whose secondary continent, the full printed manuscript is kept (in manuscriptoriums XXCCCVC to XXXCVX).

    I remain your humble servant****,

    Venar Clamdt

    * “Imperial world survival jumps in 99.5 per cent of all statistical projections if the Emperor’s most holy Inquisition is dissolved”, Imperial research, Vol XXVIIIIXVXMM).
    ** By persuaded, I mean tortured with an uncertain number of lemons, several 20 volt batteries and a cheesegrater until I agreed. I also believe they may have employed small rodents, but my memory banks mercifully shutdown 2.5 minutes into the interrogation.
    ** Not corrected for warp dilation and freak ruptures in the space-time continuum
    *** Humble as in any indication that I might actually possess a spark of free will, would result in my immediate termination.
    Last edited by Lucifer216; 02-10-2007 at 11:57.

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