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Thread: Death

  1. #1
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Death

    Ok, this is just a short I wrote while I was highly bored during an incredibly dull lecture.
    It's based on a picture and little short extract that is in the Index Astartes I book about Apothecaries and the geneseed....and all speech is taken from the small extract.
    All the rest if my own stuff.

    Enjoy (hopefully)


    Death

    Death. I wait for it. Finally my time has come. I have fought with my soul ablaze in the galaxy unlike any who have fought before. Doing the duty to my Lord without question, striving to see that His will is done and our people survive.

    All about me lie the dead and dying. Friend and foe alike. Peace finally found on the ground beside one another, like it should have been in life, had they not turned from His light.

    I feel the light fading; the suns of this place are setting, taking with them the warmth of my body. It’s light as crimson as the blood that stains the very ground about me. My own now included to its sanguine hues.

    Though my sight is blurred and every fibre of my body cries out so desperately in pain, I manage to move my line of sight to the sky, to the very heavens themselves. It’s beautiful, beyond words to my dying eyes. I remember seeing the skies of many places, in many different shades and colours. Yet none have looked as sublime as the one that hangs above me.

    So strange, this place, this sky is all so unfamiliar to me and yet I feel at home. Calm and serene as though I had lived all my long life in this place. Though part of me knows that in some sense it is.

    My master is lord over these worlds, and I serve Him and his domain. I am part of Him so every corner of this galaxy that pays homage to Him is a place I can call my home.

    I smile, somehow through the agony, happy in the fact that I will meet my fate here and find myself not lacking. My part here is complete for it is nothing but His will that has felled me. Not the weapons of my enemy but the will of my Lord. I have tread the path laid down at my feet to its end and as I have done so with my duty, I do not fear what is to lie ahead for me. I have and will never fear my own demise.

    Grey. The colours are lost to me now. All about me is dull. No longer will my eyes see the beauty of my home, no longer will I look upon the wonder of the places I was charged to protect and defend. No longer will I gaze upon my brethren, the people I have fought along side for as long as I can remember. They are lost to me now, as I am to them. Gone forever, never to be returned.

    It is cold now, bitterly so. The warmth totally and irrevocably leached away with the blood that flows so freely and unbidden from my body. I shiver despite myself and I cannot fathom the reason why. My world, my universe is so changed. Narrowing to a thin line of vision. And in it I see nothing.

    I strain my ears to try and pick up any sounds, but they are gone too. The world is empty to me now. In it is only myself. My mind begins to wonder. Am I truly alone here? Have all fallen in this battle? Is this world lost to all as well as myself?

    No. My unspoken questions are answered. A face swims into my sight. A face that I know and clearly recognise. A vision of mercy in my eyes, a vision in pure white. He speaks, though it sounds like from a great distance away, though I still understand his words.

    ‘Your wounds are too grave brother’ he speaks softly to me. ‘Do you desire the Emperor’s Peace?’

    A click, quiet as a whisper, but as loud as thunder rolls around me. I open my lips to speak, to ask. But my words are lost in my chest. The white Angel nods in complete understanding.

    'The others? They are whole, brother. You saved them. Your name is entered in the Book of Honour’

    I nod. My strength all but spent. Content in the knowledge that my brothers still live. I have given my all for them and all the people I serve. My name will be remembered and through my brothers I shall not be forgotten and so live on through them even though my soul is returned to my Lord’s side. I close me eyes and feel no more.
    Last edited by Xhalax; 20-04-2005 at 11:58.
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  2. #2
    Chapter Master Hideous Loon's Avatar
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    Now *that* was good. I never really thought of what a Space Marine is thinking, lying (sp?) paralyzed on the field of battle, but you have given me such an idea. Great, man.

  3. #3
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    *beams with delight at her first review*
    Thanks hideous_loon!
    *gives hideous_loon a cookie*

    I've always wanted to know what goes on inside the head of a Space Marine, so I wonder about it quite a lot (what can I say, I'm strange). And boredom makes my mind work strangely....and this was the fruit of my boredom.
    I mean, are they really as big and macho as they make out, especially when they're all battered, bashed and broken and they know they're dying?

    But I'm glad I gave you an idea!
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  4. #4
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    Re: Death

    I nearly cried on that (where's a crying smiley, when you need one...), so much for impact...


    Quote Originally Posted by Xhalax
    ...
    I mean, are they really as big and macho as they make out, especially when they're all battered, bashed and broken and they know they're dying?
    ...
    Well, I had a hard time taking the steps that lead me to believe that Space Marines actually carry feelings. I was largely helped out by various authors, because from the general fluff one tends to believe Space Marines are big mechanical killing machines.

    I'm still not too sure where to draw the line. Somewhere between a person that feels, but would never show on the surface, and a person whose feelings are largely centered around his occupation - like duty, brothership, and rage in battle.

    One thing I wouldn't personally attribute to Space Marines is machoism , but largely because that word has a really hollow sound as far as I experienced - it's down to definition there. Determination and functioning would be the main words I'd use to describe a Marine.

    I don't want to hi-jack this thread, just developed on the question...
    Somebody wake up Hicks.

  5. #5
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *hands Gaebriel a cookie*

    As I said, the thoughts and feeling of a Space Marine have also been something I've wondered and its why the vast majority of books I've read have been Space Marine based.
    At first I thought that they were just mindless killing machines, but I much prefer the idea that they're not. That they think and feel more of less the same thoughts and feeling that everyone does, only in a more controlled way.

    But I'm glad you liked my ickle ficlet Gaebriel....and as to the emotional response.....Holy Moley! Never expected that one!
    *beams with delight*
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  6. #6

    Re: Death

    that was an awesome read thank you

  7. #7
    Commander Lord Balor's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *Wipes Tear from eye*

    *Does Elias Pose from Platoon*

    ...I will never again shoot or claw at a space marine army as long as i live...
    "You failed me at the moment I needed you most. Never again will I look upon your face. This I swear: From this day forth, let all who bear the name Atreides spit on the name of Harkonnen!"
    -Vorian Atreides

    "My name is Legion, is Lucifer, is Abbadon, is Satan, Eater of Souls."
    The Taking by Dean Koontz

  8. #8
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    You're most welcome Lastgambit
    *hands Lastgambit a cookie*

    And so you shouldn't be harming the Emperor's finests Lord Balor. Have a cookie anway
    *hands Balor a cookie*
    Nice pose though, very moving.
    *wipes a tear away too*
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  9. #9
    Chapter Master Lord of Skulls's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    Wow.

    Just: WOW

    That's just amazing I haven't read much 40k fluff other than what's in the rule books, but this is certainly one of the best pieces I have read. Nice flow in the text, and good choice of words.
    (And only one spelling mistake, as far as I can see)

    Keep up the good work
    If you see me comin', better step aside
    A lot of men didn't, a lot of men died
    One fist of iron, the other of steel
    If the right one don't get you
    Then the left one will


  10. #10
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *beams with delight and gives Lord of Skulls a cookie*

    Could you or someone point the spelling mistake out to me?
    The story was self edited by me and my handle of english spelling and grammar is disgusting at best.
    But I'm glad you liked it.
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  11. #11
    Chapter Master Lord of Skulls's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    It's nothing big, just this:

    "the suns of this place are setting, taking with it the warmth of my body."

    That's the only mistake I noticed. English isn't my first language though, so there could be more

    Edit: To make it a little clearer: Several suns should be refered to as "them" in that sentece I think.

    Edit2: And thanks for the cookie, by the way
    Last edited by Lord of Skulls; 20-04-2005 at 11:53.
    If you see me comin', better step aside
    A lot of men didn't, a lot of men died
    One fist of iron, the other of steel
    If the right one don't get you
    Then the left one will


  12. #12
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    Thanks Lord!
    Have another cookie for helping me out
    *throws a cookie to Lord of Skulls*

    English is my first and only language, and after 20 years, I still haven't got the hang of it.
    *sighs*
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  13. #13
    Chapter Master Lord of Skulls's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    Thanks
    *eats cookie*

    I've had 3 - 5 English lessons each week for seven years, and 5 - 7 the last three years, including a Cambridge course

    And also: www.Dictionary.com is my friend
    If you see me comin', better step aside
    A lot of men didn't, a lot of men died
    One fist of iron, the other of steel
    If the right one don't get you
    Then the left one will


  14. #14
    Chapter Master anarchistica's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    Oh dear, in character and well-written, now you'll have to write more. ^_^
    Religion is child abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by shifty
    To be honest, reading Anar is a lot like reading a Zen parable. Instead of teaching wisdom through nonsense, he teaches wisdom through anger. He is like the Anti Zen.

  15. #15
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *hands anarchistica a cookie*

    Thanks and I did write something else, but I'm undecided on whether to post it or not. 'tis written in first person, like this one, but left open for the reader to put their own characterastion in (more or less).
    But it's under consideration.
    Damn boredom, look what it's doing to me!
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  16. #16
    Banned Marsekay's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    Hey I remember this story!

    I liked it when I first read it! and I still very much like it now.

    Deserves all the praise it gets, and still deserves more.

  17. #17
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *gives Marsekay a cookie*

    Glad you still like it!
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  18. #18
    Brother Sergeant DrumrbaxJ's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    That wa awesome. I want to read the rest now. Show us everythign you have. That'd be cool.

  19. #19
    Chapter Master Xhalax's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *hands DrumrbaxJ a cookie*

    Thanks for the review.
    I have another story...just need a title for it but none are self-evidfent right now and I'm in the middle of writing something else, which as a title but is only about half way through (its inspired by the writer competition on the Black Library website, but they're looking for WHFB based stories, which I know absolute zero about...but the idea was good in my mind so I went 'bugger it!' and started writing my 40K based idea instead.....though it'll never be submitted to the Black Library)

    But time, as always is a luxary I don't possess
    You sunk my scrabble ship!
    :cries:

  20. #20
    Brother Sergeant DrumrbaxJ's Avatar
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    Re: Death

    *Catches cookie. Begins munching*
    Awesome. I'm looking forward to it.

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