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    Post An Ork Story "Da Serjury"

    A Quick Intro,

    I have been a big fan of the Orks since i started the hobby back in 1994. What amuses me most about them is the humour value they have to offer. I like nothing more than reading a good story about them so i decided to write my own as i have done on a few occasions in the past. This story came to me last night and i wrote it up this evening. It is based around several charecters in my own army. I am not a professional writer so please dont criticise me, i have done this simply for entertainment. If it makes one person laugh out loud then i have done what i set out to acheive.


    "The Serjury"

    Dreg Rot stepped into the gloomy building cautiously, flecks of dust danced in a beam of light shining down from a small window in the roof. The building was dank and dingy and there was a strange smell hanging in the air. Crates and boxes filled the corners and there were all kinds of crude tools hanging from the walls, saw’s drills, knives and axes. In the middle of the room was a wooden table with various straps at each end, it was stained red with blood and so was the floor. As Dreg Rot glanced around the room two small orange lights caught his eye and a shiver ran up his spine. There was no doubt about it, Dreg Rot was ‘ard as nails’ but even he got scared visiting the Doc.
    As Dreg Rot focussed it became clear that the two orange lights were eyes, the Doc’s eyes. Before Dreg Rot could speak Doc Crippler lurched out of the shadows towards him, his crude bionic bonce blocking out the light from the window. A warped robot voice spoke out suddenly “So wat brings ya ere den Ork, av ya got a problem ya wud like me ta fix?” “See we work miraculs ere, we can fix ya if yuz broke or upgrade ya if yuz bored, jus tell me wat da problem iz an we gets on ta it”. Dreg Rot felt slightly nervous now, the Doc was a fearsome character, as tall as a Nob and just as big. The Doc’s right arm was a bionic replacement with a crude pair of hydraulic shears bolted on the end.
    As Dreg Rot examined the Doc’s menacing form something darted out from a corner and scurried across the room to safety behind a stack of crates. A shudder ran down Dreg Rots spine and then the Doc Spoke “come ere ladz der aint nuffin ta be afraid ov, aint no reason ta hide dis ladz a customa”. With that three small shapes appeared out of the gloom, Dreg Rot could just about make out the tiny form of gretchin. It was only when they got closer Dreg Rot realised that these were no ordinary grots. They were hideously warped versions of their former selves, equipped with crude bionic surgical tools, replacement ork limbs and one had an ork head for good measure. They stood there leering at Dreg Rot drool running from their mouths. The Doc looked at Dreg Rot and then spoke “dems me ladz, dey do all da fetchin an carryin, dey even elp wiv da serjury an wot not, deyz good ladz if a littul ovaenfusiastic at times” the gretchin tittered manically.
    Dreg Rot half turned for the door and a big hand came down on his shoulder “so wats da problum den ork, I aint got all day an I aint best pleased wiv time wastas. Yuz got a problum or don’t ya?”. Dreg Rot shuffled his feet nervously “well ya see I bin avin dis problum wiv me toof an I cant seem ta do anyfink about it Doc, I tried pullin it out but it wont budge”. The Docs eyes momentarily brightened “So ya bin avin truble wiv ya leg den ? we got a telescopic leg ere, press da button an wham ya 20 foot tall in seconds, garanteed ta av ya back on da ground in seconds too” “its me toof Doc not me leg” whined Dreg Rot “Ahhhh its ya ed, well not ta worry we got dis in last week, bionic bonce one owner, we scraped most ov is brains out, e didn’t pay da bill ya see”. Dreg Rot made for the door again but the Doc pulled him back by the shoulder “wat seems ta be da problem den Ork? Ya say its ya guts dats trublin ya? Well ows dis for a deal den, I can replace ya guts fa Mec Crunchas cast iron turbo waste exfiltrator, garanteed ta empty ya in seconds. No more angin round on da bog”.
    It all started to hit home and Dreg Rot realised the mistake he had made setting foot in the Doc’s ‘Serjury’. At the best of times Painboyz are notoriously unpredictable but Doc Crippler was three snots short of a base. Some swift action was needed if he was going to get out of the door in one piece and then it came to him “Holy Gork” he screamed. The Doc jumped back in shock and the cygrots scurried for cover behind the crates “Wow Doc ya really do work miraculs in ere, me toofz all betta an I aint got no pain any more, ere av ten teef fa all ya ard work”. The docs eyes dimmed to a shade of blood red and a low growl emitted from his voice box “Ya fink I’m stoopid do ya, Ya come ere moanin an groainin about ya lungs an den ya try an pull a trick like dat on me. Uz yella dats wot it iz, ur avin second thoughts about da job, well ya aint goin back, a deals a deal”. With that the doc pulled out a rusty syringe full of green goo, grabbed Dreg Rot by the throat and with the grace of a ballerina swiftly jabbed it into the orks neck. Within seconds Dreg Rot was flat on his back, a cloud of dust rose up towards the roof “Ok ladz get da toolz out, looks like we is fittin dat exploding torso afta all, now were did I put dat zoggin remote detanator unit".
    Last edited by Tim_W; 05-01-2008 at 12:50.
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